HELLO TO YOU WHO ACTUALLY STILL COMES TO MY BLOG!

it has been sooooooooooooo loooooooooooooooooooonggggggggggggggg... more den half a year already! hows life for youuuuuuuu?

oh well, just suddenly feel like blogging at this very moment so yea, here i am.

so right now im working a full time job at Army Recruitment Centre as an Event Manager! it has been a month going on two on 1Sept ever since i started work! and so far, im enjoying quite abit! i sure do have learn loads of skills and mainly communication and tactical methods in doing things. a rather good base of experience for my first full time job!

anyway, from work, i've learn something;
sometimes you'll just sit down and think life's really too short to be bothered by ur enemies and wasting time thinking on how to get back on them. why not we just ignore and spend better times on better things?

we should really ignore all the politics in office as much as possible and save your energy and strength for people more worthy and they love you for who you are.

i do not need a whole world of friends, but just a handful of fabulous ones, a bunch of friends, and others would be better of as acquaintances.

darling, im really losing it.

totally lovin 3 songs from muse's new album!

Undisclosed Desires -
I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
I want to recognize your beauty is not just a mask
I want to exorcise the demons from your past
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

Resistance -
Love is our resistance
They'll keep us apart and they won't to stop breaking us down

Uprising -
They will not force us,
They will stop degrading us,
They will not control us,
And we will be victorious

these 3 songs really get me going and going, be it at work or just anytime alone. you all might be thinking is it because it's his favourite thus im liking it? my ans? yes BUT yes because it actually helps me to move on when thinking of him.

the only song now that keeps me going on. nobody's will force me anymore. nobody's gonna degrade me anymore. nobody's gonna control me anymore. it's my fight, my victory.

today i might be firm and strong but i dunno about tmw and day after. yet still gonna go through my fight. and nevertheless, im very very very glad to have my mum and brother to be there. not forgetting girlfriends that includes ming and pat and many other friends. no matter how childish my friends could be, im very sure they are much more mature than the ones you have.

and im also glad to have someone who made all the way to come hear me and advice me. really appreciate though i doubt he'll read this. but he really helped me see everything in the full picture. he got all frank with me to let me see all possibilities.

since now im single i can do whatever i want, like how he had showed me to?

i tried to convince myself that he does all this is for the better. he does all these because he has more important priorities. he does all these because he doesn't want to drag me along.

but all doesn't make sense anymore when i see him smiling gleefully holding another girl's hand.

i felt insulted that he wore that necklace and holding her hands. i feel insulted with all the love words both of us exchanged for the past years. i feel insulted that i told everyone he's different from other guys.

was i at least somebody to him during the past years? or was i just the typical girl toy for him to use and throw? was the past years just a show or was it real? if it's a show, he has really put up a good one.

everything doesn't make sense anymore.

i really have no where else to vent this feeling inside me. just here and only here. if it really irks you, please just leave.

goin to work i have to be all responsible and do my job to the best. trying my very best to concentrate and get my job done all in time. yet very often i find myself staring into the computer and not doing anything.

coming home is another torture. im the first to get out of house every morning and im always the first to reach home. all souls are busy at work. and im always home alone until they get home after 10pm.

when i have frens to go out with, i really enjoy myself. but on the time that i know i have to go home, i hate it.

when it's time to sleep, i hate it too. cos im really tired, but i can't sleep.

we went through everything, from knowing each other's frens and family, to going to watch movies together, to shopping together, to being together for almost every events, to having some future things planned, been through all the good and bad times.

just like that, things ended. and it ends with harsh hurtful words.

he finds me a nuisance. so now i can't talk to him. i can't call him. i can't sms him. i can't ask how is he. i can't ask anything about him. i can't do this. i can't do that. i don't know what else i can do other than moving on.

hell fuck i know is to move on and im already moving on. but tell me, how can i move on smoothly when memories are always there. it's not a week's of relationship neither a month's of relationship. it's 2 years plus. im really am doing everything which will keep me away from thinking. i kept everything away. really everything. but i still cant win over myself. i can't wind over my mind.

i truly regret what i have done and i can't do anything.

he might have priorities and im not in it. but does he have to do all this cold and hurtful treatment? or just maybe, i wasn't really worth for him.

you'll like me,
or maybe not.
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