The Sweetest Pie There Ever Was

My wise and beautiful friend Karen posted a quote that really resonated within me:

 "All sorrows can be borne if you tell a story about them." 

- Karen Blixen (aka Isak Dinesen)

The sorrow of Shirley's death is now upon me.  

My little shadow left us at 12:57 p.m. yesterday.   

We had several tentative home euthanasia vet appointments lined up over the weekend into Monday.  We did it that way so we could monitor Shirley and do the right thing when she told us it was time.  Friday night she didn't go out to pee as much as she did Thursday night.  She went 3 times Friday night whereas on Thursday night it was pretty much on the hour.  Around 4 a.m. yesterday morning, I heard gurgling noises coming from where she was lying down.  It seemed like she was making the noise on each of her exhales.  At first I thought it was just her tummy growling, but that sick feeling of just knowing began to grow in my belly.  I stayed with her on the tile, spooning with her to keep her warm and comforted.  I wasn't sure, but it seemed as if her paws were cold.

Then in the morning she split her banana with Laverne, and she happily followed Ed as he ate his yogurt breakfast.  He always gives the girls precisely four licks of Greek yogurt every morning. So, I figured she was still feeling like she wasn't ready to leave us yet.

Until it came time for breakfast.  The pain of preparing their morning bowls without Shirley prancing around the kitchen in excitement was unbearable for me.  I sobbed the entire time I prepared the dishes.  Laverne and Sitka ran to their bowls.  I thought that if I put Shirley's bowl down she'd still come over at least.  But, no, she just silently gazed at me.  I tried hand feeding her different things and she just turned her head.  That was about 8 a.m. and one of the vet appointments I'd made was for 12:30 p.m.  I figured if she didn't "tell me" that she still wanted to stay with me, then the afternoon would be her time.  I couldn't understand why she wanted her banana and yogurt, but not her bowl of breakfast.

The next 4 1/2 hours of yesterday morning we spent alternating between letting Shirley rest, or just ganging up on her for love, cuddles, and smothering kisses.  And that wasn't just Ed and I.  Sitka has a FAVORITE ball that he doesn't share with ANYONE.  I was standing at our bar and I saw him walk past me to Shirley, sit in front of her, and place his ball between her paws.  She didn't do anything, so he nudged it closer toward her. She wasn't interested.  He looked like his feelings were hurt. Poor guy, he was just trying to cheer her up I think.

Laverne was the consummate nurse.  She would nudge her sister awake, sniff and lick her muzzle and her ears, or sleep by her/on her/next to her.  If she wasn't doing that, then she would actually kind of distance herself from Shirley.  Beginning mid-day Friday she actually began seeking out Sitka and cuddling up to him, which was unusual because her favorite place is usually somewhere near her sister.  At times I wondered if Shirley was wondering if Laverne would ever just let her get some rest.

There were so many sweet and tender the moments between them.  Time will tell what losing Shirley will mean to Laverne.  For almost 14 years the two of them were a self-contained unit of chase partners, playmates, shared pillows, wrestling opponents, walk buddies, sisters, and best friends.  My heart is hurting for our Verney girl right now.  Ed said, "You know, without Shirley, the name Laverne doesn't mean the same or have the same ring to it anymore."  He's right, we are so used to saying their names together. Funny thing is we couldn't ever just call one name and not have the other one also run over.  They really were a unit.

Over the morning Shirley had a visit from Uncle Bob and Aunt Lali.  She spent many parties and sleepovers with their girls, Maggie and Sophie.

McDonald's begins to serve lunch at 11 a.m.  We decided we'd get some cheeseburgers and nuggets for Shirley.  That greasy and salty treat is something our pups get a couple of times a year, not very often, but today was a special day.  She had already refused salmon, veggies, chicken, and other good stuff, so why not try junk food.  We were SO excited to see her actually get up and slowly make her way over for some cheeseburger!

I thought, ok, maaaaaaybe it is not her time yet...

Maybe she just didn't feel like breakfast this morning! 

Maybe she still wants to stay with us a little longer!

Maybe we can cancel euthanasia today!!! 

Maybe...maybe...maybe...how many of us haven't sung through a chorus of maybes during and after losing a loved one?

When I ran to get her still full breakfast bowl to see if she'd eat any, she took a couple of mouthfuls, and then walked away.  At that point, in my heart, the "maybes" disappeared once and for all.  She didn't even want a little teeny bite of chicken nugget.  She just slowly walked backed over to her cool spot on the tile.

 Our little family spent the rest of the morning keeping our Pie-Pie comforted and happy.

 We camped out on the tile with her and told stories...

 ...Papa teased Shirley about the moustache she never waxed, but then figured it was perhaps part of her very own Samson's tale...

 ...we gave her a million and one kisses...

 ...Laverne told funny jokes....

 ...Ed kissed her on his favorite spot  right above her nose and asked about a thousand times, "Are you the sweetest prettiest little pie that ever was?"

 Sometimes we just sat quietly and cried.  Except for Laverne, who always smiles in her photos it seems.

 At this point, about an hour before the vet was due to arrive, Shirley's breathing took on a deep sound and her heart rate was extended.  Her paws were cold and I knew circulation was lacking.

 "Are you the most special pie ever?  Are you my sweetest little pie?"

 He asked her so many times, his favorite question for her always. I just cried.

My gallant Sitka, he tried to cheer up his sister.  He remained very quiet and still throughout the time we spent with Shirley before the vet arrived.

 He kept an eye on his Golden sisters.  They accepted him into their lives in December 2011.

Shirley made her way over to the den around noon.  We let her have her space, but I had to give her a few dozen more kisses.  Remind her that she was my very first baby golden girl ever, my little shadow, my pie-pie forever.  That I would look for her when my own time comes.  That I love her more than I could find words for.

Leaning against the wall, watching her papa.  THOSE EYES.  OH GOD.  Deep, chocolate, soft, velvety brown eyes.  I feel the screams welling up in my belly right now.  Those eyes will never watch me again in the early morning hours, waiting for me to wake up.

 Laverne made her way over to her sister one last time.  And promptly fell asleep on her.

The vet arrived and we said our painful farewells.  Our friends Gabor & Michelle came over to help soothe Laverne and Sitka while the vet was with Shirley.  But we had them remain with Shirley, not in another room.   Gabor and Michelle were just petting them because we wanted to focus on our sweet & savory girly pie.

Shirley's death is the 4th death of our senior Goldens we have endured, but by far the most difficult, because although we knew what was happening within her, she was still alert, looking around, affectionate, and responsive.  Nick, Achilles, and Milo were already knocking on death's door it seemed.  This time was SO MUCH HARDER.  She was looking into our eyes when the vet gave her the initial sedation, and she didn't let go of our gaze until she relaxed and put her head down.  I pray to never go through this kind of death again.  Her eyes pierced my soul.  They left a hot, burning, searing trail to my heart.  It will never leave me.

After the vet administered the euthanasia vaccine it was 12:57 pm when she took her last labored sweet breath.  I remember the last breath of all of my beloved babies.  Gabor and Michelle, and the vet, left at that point and we had some time to spend with our girl.  We wanted extra time for Laverne's sake before the pet mortuary came to get Shirley's little body. We wanted to just let her have time with her sister, to understand what had occurred so she wouldn't spend the rest of her life wondering, and to say goodbye to her in whatever way she needed to do so.  I brushed Shirley's beautiful fur and took a clipping of her curly mane.

Laverne briefly sniffed Shirley and put her paw on her, but then she retreated under the table and sat down.  We couldn't read her expression, but one thing was certain. She was so very anxious.  We walked away and sat down across the room, usually an instant signal for Laverne to come right over for petting, but she stayed under the table and just watched.  She was only a couple of feet away from Shirley.  She opened and closed her mouth repeatedly while breathing, something she does when her heart rate is accelerated or when she's nervous.

A nice young man from the pet mortuary came in around 1:45 and gently put Shirley on a hand gurney.  Ed helped carry her out to the van.  Our little girl just looked she was taking a nap under the blanket.  My eyes played tricks on me and I swear I thought I saw the blanket move a couple of times.  It was so strange.

Laverne followed Shirley's body to the van.  She sniffed around for a bit, kind of stepped back a couple of times as if preparing to get in, but she didn't try to jump up in there.  She sniffed and sniffed, and then backed  up to stand behind Ed's legs.  She had her tail straight down by her legs and she remained behind her papa.

Watching the van drive off shattered us.

The silence in the house was a deafening roar. Even Captain Morgan was completely silent.

We had to get outta here.  So, we packed up our remaining babies and drove off to toast our Shirley girl.

We went to Starbucks for whipped cream shots, it is a Christmas and general holiday tradition of ours with our furbabies.  I asked for 3 shots accidentally.  And then I lost it.  I began sobbing and crying all over the counter.  The barrista was stunned and asked what was wrong.  I told her.  Then she started crying.  She had lost her dog in October.  We cried together.  Then laughed.  Then I re-ordered.  Just 2 shots, please.

 Sitka, such a neat and tidy whipped cream slurper.

 Laverne, not so much.  Our eyes teared up thinking how if Shirley were here with us, the whipped cream would be in her moustache.

I

It is now just the two of them. I'm glad Laverne has him. Shirley never really engaged with any other dog but Laverne, so it is a blessing of sorts that she died first.  Laverne doesn't have trouble engaging with other dogs.  We just don't know how in the coming days she'll deal with the loss of bond she had with Shirley.  Everything they did together was instinctual.  

After celebrating Shirley and a trip to the dog park for Sitka, I went with Ed to mass.  The pink orchid trees are in bloom all over San Diego. They bloom in February and March.  The pink flowers melted my heart.  Pink flowers for Shirley.  Ed picked one for his little girl.  We lit a candle for our baby and prayed for her safe passage. In my mind I could see her gently trotting up a path, her little rump bouncing along, bushy tail waggin, not sure where she was or what was happening...and I prayed SO HARD that God immediately saw her, guided her, and soothed any fears she might have.

Oh, my Pie Pie, how is it that you're gone???? This was JUST on Friday morning, at your sister's right side, as always, and you were waiting for a bite of my breakfast.  Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh.

I hope this is how you are now.  Running around in a field in heaven with no pain, no fears, and no knowledge of any sorrows you endured while here on earth. I will look for you sweet baby girl of mine.  I will.

I Am My Sister's Keeper

It Draws Near...

My little Shirley bug, you didn't come into the kitchen this morning while I prepared all the breakfast bowls.  I thought you would because you ate your morning banana, and I was so glad because it meant you're not ready to go yet. And then you happily followed papa for your morning yogurt treat.  That made me even happier.  So, I got your rice and chicken all warmed up for breakfast.  Laverne and Sitka pranced and ran to their bowls.  But you...you remained in your corner by the door just looking up at me. You wouldn't take chicken from my hand. Or cheese. Or salmon.  You broke my heart.

The time draws near, my baby girl.  You're finally beginning to let me know, aren't you?

Gone Pink

My blog has gone pink.  For Shirley.

It has always been "her" color, and it began when we found the perfect collar and leash set for her on our 2009 trip to Newport, RI.  It has seashells and whimsical nautical details, all pretty in pink, just like my lovely Shirley. And so pink it has remained since then. Any and all accessories she collected thereafter were then also always pink. Of course.

Sweet girl is still with us today.  I've spent time educating myself on hemangiosarcoma.  I've talked with my good friend, Dr. Kate, as well as several other professionals and friends.  Dr. Kate was INCREDIBLY helpful.  Sometimes it helps when someone tells me something in a way I hadn't heard it before.  Yes, we are Shirley's guardian, and yes, we are entrusted with doing what is right and merciful for her.  But, we also need to trust ourselves to know when it's her time because we know her best.  And, we need to do what we can live with after Shirley is gone.  It has always been a moral struggle for us to end a life, even when it is kind and merciful for our beloved beasts.  She just hasn't given me that signal yet.  I'm waiting, sweet bird.

Aaaaand, then there is the internet!  I scrolled through Google images of post-mortem canine hearts riddled with this cancer.  I felt such a burning anger knowing it is also growing in my sweet Shirley's poor, delicate heart.  Oh my God, I couldn't even breathe for a moment just thinking about it.  So upsetting!!!  She's such a little sweet thing and it eats me up that this monster has gotten a hold of her tiny heart.  Ok, I can't even write any more about that without losing it here.

For now, we have tentative euthanasia home vets set up for tomorrow afternoon and Monday morning. I don't think we're going to tempt a fatal arrhythmia much later than that though. She's stable, comfortable, and happy today.  She sat at my feet while I ate breakfast waiting for her share, as always. Her quality of life is good and she's with me or Ed at all times, never alone. So, there's that.  But, should something acute or urgent come up in the meantime, we're all set to get the ER vet within 8 minutes.  I pray that is not what happens.  And, I pray even harder that she just passes peacefully in her sleep.  I can only hope.

In the meantime, I've been relentless in kissing and loving all over her. I love her so much I want to just inhale her whole into myself.

Shirley Pie & The Monster in Her Heart

I don't know why I wait until I feel this way to blog.  In fact, this blog began in 2007 as a result of losing our sweet Nick.  I needed some place to divulge my pain and anger and feeling of unfairness, in the hopes of somehow having them diminished because they are being shared by the universe.  

Well, it's that time again.  It is 2013, an odd number year after all!!!  We've lost a Golden baby every odd year: Nick in 2007, Achilles in 2009, and then Milo in 2011. We know going in with adopting a senior Golden that their time is preciously limited with us, but it doesn't get easier no matter how many of them wander through our doors.  I don't know why I keep thinking that it will be easier to bear "next time" around.  It is certainly not going to be that with our Shirley, that's for sure.  In fact, I believe it will be the hardest one of them all considering what this is going to do to Laverne.   

This past Saturday we took Laverne, Shirley, and Sitka (our senior boy we rescued on 12/3/2011) to Mission Bay and walked the perimeter for almost 2 hours.  Shirley ran around trying to eat bird poop and chase seagulls.  Everything seemed perfectly fine.  But by Monday,  unexpectedly, Shirley began acting differently than her normal self.  Ed teases me that I'm the "dog whisperer" and I sometimes make a bigger deal out of something that may not be. 

The problem is that I know my little Shirley oh so well.  She has been my NON-STOP shadow for almost four years.  I knew she was just not herself.  On Monday she didn't want to go on any of her walks with us.  I noticed her breathing was loud, I could hear it another room.  By Monday night she seemed fine again.  On Tuesay she didn't want to walk with us again, and her loud breathing returned.  By dinner time her breathing pattern changed.  I checked her heart rate and it was steady at 104-118 and held steady for the time I measured, which worried me, but I couldn't figure out why her respiratory rate and her temperature were normal.  Her gums and eyes were nice and healthy, too.  Most importantly, she was as eager as ever for her dinner, which is always a good sign with these Golden babies.   

When it was time to go to bed, Shirley didn't follow me into the bedroom.  In all her years with us she has ALWAYS been right on my heel at bedtime, and her spot has always been on my side of the bed.  Laverne is the night time wanderer and has multiple favorite sleep spots, but not Shirley.  I have even had to move my bedside table over 3 feet so that she can wedge herself in there to be next to me.  I've never had to call her to come to bed, but I did on Tuesday night.  She eventually wandered in slowly and came to her spot.  I thought maybe she was just beginning to lose her hearing....

I woke up early for my spin class on Wednesday morning and found her spot empty.  My heart immediately sank into my belly.  I searched and found her all the way on the other side of the house sleeping all by herself in the tiled hallway.  I simply followed the sound of her loud, labored breathing.  At the animal clinic later that morning I could tell by the look on my vet's face it was not good.  Emergency blood and urine labs all came back normal. The list of what it could be was one worse than the other, the "parade of horribles."  

Eventually, X-rays and an ultrasound showed that she has cancer in her right side heart.  I have never heard of cancer independently occurring in the heart, but we learn something new with each one of these dogs.  The tumor has begun to invade the heart muscle and all vessels.  She's also collecting fluids. It is most likely hemangiosarcoma, but could be chemodectoma as well.  Ed met me at the radiology center to receive the news.  Our hearts broke into tiny pieces. 

Right now we are just trying to figure out what would be best for Shirley.  Our vet said she is not in any pain, none at all.  At most she is slightly uncomfortable with the fluid build up.  Our vet said it is difficult to know when she will die, but it will be from a cardio arrhythmia.  It could be in the next hour or next week.  She could just pass out and die, but she could also have an arrhythmia that lasts longer thereby extending her death symptoms.  She asked us to consider euthanasia sooner rather than later to avoid that.  

When we brought her home last night she made a beeline for the kitchen and demanded her dinner.  It was so bittersweet. Then she and Laverne played together as they always do. An outsider would think she was totally normal and healthy, but we now know the horrible monster secretly growing in her heart for months.  Our vet explained that it is unfortunate, but most canine cancers don't show up with abnormal symptoms until the cancer is end stage.  There is truly nothing that can be done for Shirley at this point, especially since she's almost 14 years old.  

This morning we found Shirley sleeping in our shower.  That's her favorite hiding spot when the scary laundry basket monster comes out.   She had a good breakfast of chicken and rice.  We have to keep her on a bland diet for easy digestion.  We also have to keep her absolutely quiet and with minimal activity.  She has no stamina and energy, which is why she didn't want to walk on Monday and Tuesday.  So, I walked Sitka and Laverne, and when we returned Shirley was happily napping away under my work desk.  

At this point we are torn about what to do for her.  With Nick, Achilles, and Milo we had a home euthanasia vet come when it was their time.  But, we knew it was their time.  It was clear and they let us know.  With Shirley it's like a cruel joke.  Ed & I cried and wondered how he would have the strength to bring a vet in the home while Shirley is alert and wagging her tail, encourage her to lie down on a towel, and then watch her be euthanized?   I mean, other than resting and sleeping a lot, she's her usual self. She's eating hungrily and eagerly trots into the kitchen for her treats. It seems unbearable to me that we would just send her on to the other side this way...

So, this is where I find myself now.  In limbo over when to do what we know we need to do for our little girl.   I just spoke to our vet again and she recommended that we schedule euthanasia no later than very early next week, but preferably this weekend.  She explained that cardiac arrhythmia from hemangiosarcoma is like Shirley drowning in her own fluids.  We do not want to see her suffering like that.   I am home with her today and tomorrow keeping an eye on her.  I've spent the better part of the day calling home euthanasia vets about their advance scheduling requirements, etc.  So far I've got some tentatively lined up for Saturday morning and also Monday morning.

It is just so SURREAL sitting here planning another living being's death.  I have been crying all day long.  Shirley has been sleeping on my feet while I've been working.  My tears fall into her fur and she doesn't stir. 

Dear God, it would be a blessing and a gift if Shirley were to die peacefully in her sleep.  I hope you hear my prayers.  Writing that prayer and having it exist outside of my brain makes me cry so hard.  She is my baby lady.  I can't  imagine her not following me all day long all over the house.  

More than myself, I have no idea how to deal with Laverne's mourning.  When Shirley was at the vet all day yesterday Laverne was beside herself. She patrolled the house several times searching for her.  When we returned home Laverne spent a good 30 minutes licking Shirley's ears, muzzle, her shaved belly, and nuzzling her neck.  It was torture watching them because I knew that soon she'd leave her sister behind. 

Shirley has many nicknames, Shirley Bird, Shirley Bug, Shirley Baby, etc.  A couple of years back Shirley picked up the nickname "Shirley Pie", named after the famous Meaty Pie (sausage, pepperoni, meatballs, and Italian beef in a stuffed deep dish) served at our favorite place, Lefty's Chicago Style Pizzeria.  Shirley is 65 pounds to Laverne's 55 pounds.  They eat the exact same diet and receive the same number of treats and cookies, so we could never figure out why Shirley always remained 10 pounds heavier than her sister.   So, Shirley became Shirley Pie or Meaty Pie, and Laverne was left with 'Verney Pie....because there is also a "lighter" Veggie Pie on the menu.  It still makes me smile. 

I have reached out to our fellow rescue people and asked for insight and advice on hemangiosarcoma, and how to handle this transition for Shirley.  I got a great bit of advice from one of them and that is to let Shirley go sooner rather than later so we can remember her as she is now.  Give her a favorite meal and then let her be free.  This disease works so fast and sometimes that is the best way to go.  Another fellow rescue volunteer advised to just trust our instinct to know when it is Shirley's "time," especially since she is not in any pain and her quality of life is still wonderful.  Yet another one told me about her dog was diagnosed on a Wednesday and gone by that Friday.

Needless to say, Ed and I have a lot to go over tonight.  We've got a couple of tentative vet appointments lined up, we just need to figure out which one to go with, if any. 

In the meantime, I've spent the day crying and going through my pictures and videos of Shirley.  I have thousands and thousands of them.  Gosh, all these memories!  She has always been such an affectionate and devoted spirit.  Although she never 100% outgrew some of the anxieties she harbored after years of neglect and abuse, she is still very free-spirited and funny.  She has personality in spades.  If she isn't right by my side, she can be found with her alpha sister, Laverne.  The two of them are riot together, what with their wrestling matches and chases around the house. 

I kind of went through a purge and just added a bunch of photos. There are just so many more, but here goes for now...

July 25, 2009, the day we adopted them from the rescue and brought them home.

 They were SO FAT.

Shirley fell in love with our daily dog park routine.

 She also fell in love with my camera. :)

 It is humbling for me to be so adored, so loved.  She always wants to be right by me.

 My pretty baby lady.

 At Dogtoberfest 2010 in her fancy party collar.

 Like most typical Goldens, Shirley always has a need to fill her belly.  Treats in a Kong are a favorite!

 This picture is simply heart wrenching for me.  No matter what, Shirley always walked on Laverne's right.  If for a moment they switched sides it was as if the world had fallen out of sync. Shirley always scrambles to get to the "right" side. I wonder what it will be like for Laverne to walk without Shirley...

 Speaking of tasty bits, Shirley and her sister do not turn anything away, and that includes veggies and fruit!  Steamed green beans are always a great snack. 

 This is an old picture, but still one of my favorites.  Milo is long gone now, and soon my Shirley baby will join him. 

 Did I mention she always has to be near me, or around me, or next to me, or sometimes literally on top of me? :)

 Running a muck by the canyons, exploring the sights, sounds, and smells.

 Papa's little curly girl. 

 His favorite question of her, "Are you the sweetest pie? Are you the sweetest pie I ever did see?"

 Chocolate button eyes.  

 "Wooly mammoth" paws in need of some trimming...

 ...voila! Oh gosh, how I will miss these tiny tender paws.

 She likes to nap lying in my lap.  

 Love her little moustache.  Ed always threatened to wax it for her. :)

 While a fan of the beach, Shirley does NOT like baths. 

 Nonetheless, she always looks adorable during her baths. 

 One of her many fancy neck wear. This is from our visit to the Humane Society's Doggie Cafe. 

 Oooh, the bully stick.  How she looooooves that bully stick.  While all the other dogs immediately sit down to enjoy their chew, Shirley preferred to run around the house looking for the absolute most perfect spot to enjoy her chew, all the while holding the stick like a cigar.  

 Loves lazing in the sunshine. 

 If I'm gone a minute or an entire day, she greets me at the door with a toy in her mouth, to which I always squeal, "Shirley, whachya got??? Whachay got for your mama?!"  To which she would respond by running in circles like a madwoman.  Made me laugh every single time!

 Sometimes she'd allow for one-on-one papa love time. Otherwise, it is all about mama.

 Newly brushed out and looking gorgeoue.

 Football on TV, hangin' out on Papa's lap...

 ...what could be any better?

 Aaah,yes, the morning ritual of splitting a banana with her sister.  Almost every single day Shirley has split a banana with Laverne in the morning.  Pretty soon it will all be 'Verney's.

 Just another pretty shot.

 She makes sure to sit on my foot while at the park, just in case I try to escape her.  As if I ever would.

 Love & affection.

 Leading the charge into the Pacific waters.

 Toasting after a breezy day at the beach.

 Her favorite napping nook.

 Shirley is the second from the left (on the right of Laverne, of course!) and this was Sitka's 12th birthday celebration this past December.  The fourth dog on the right was our foster boy, Billy. He has been adopted now.  They're all sharing Sitka's birthday chicken cake.

 Lookin' good at the dog park party for Sitka's birthday.

 She could smells mere crumbs if you have them in your pocket!

 Waiting for a cupcake to "accidentally" drop on the ground.

 Patriotic gear all set for duties as Golden ambassadors at the Rancho Coastal Humane Society's adoption event. 

 Once again, walking lock-step with each other.

 Our rescue's booth!

 My sweet patriotic Shirley Pie.

 Did someone say treats?

 Yes, it did!!!

 Enjoying a chilled apple at the event, helping to cool off on a warm day.

 All the other pups are enjoying the dog park party, but Shirley Pie is only interested in guarding the food table. 

 Memorial Day & 4th of July attire. 

 Shirley thinks all my jokes are funny!

 This is my absolute favorite photo of my baby girl.  Captures her innocent, mischievous, silly personality.  I love her so much.

 The girls at their dog park birthday party last year! They turned 13 years old in July!!!

 Birthday girl getting love and attention from Auntie Linnea, but the food table was beckoning...

 "Please, pretty lady, would you shovel a few of those cupcakes in my piehole?"  -Shirley

 Chicken cupcakes with pink mashed potato frosting for their birthday.

 Here they are showing their displeasure at being forced to take yet another bath.

 Birthday sisters just chillin' together.

 Birthday Pie-Pie!

 Birthday Pie-Pie all tuckered out from the party.

 Our Christmas party just a few months back.  Shirley chewed her bully stick right at our guests' feet.

 Then she made sure to stay close to the food table, you know, "just in case"....

 One of our many rituals...going to Starbucks and getting the furbabies a shot of whipped cream to enjoy. This was Christmas day 2012. 

Sitka, Shirley, and Laverne in their Mardi Gras finest.  

 Me and my baby ladies at the dog park.  This was just a couple of weeks ago during Mardi Gras.  There's Sitka sitting in the background, and our buddy Reef walking past us. 

 Isn't she the prettiest pie you ever did see?

 Mardi Gras sisters!

 Last Sunday my best friend Jamei brought her little kiddo down to visit again, and they brought all kinds of toys and treats for my babies.  Shirley grabbed the pink wubbie right out of the bag.  Pink has always been her color. 

 Then we all went to the dog park together.  I still cannot believe this was just March 3rd!

 Carrot time!  Yet another favorite snack, ha ha!

 It's not all healthy, sometimes pizza is just as good of a snack!

 This is from just this past Saturday walking around Mission Bay park.  Shirley did so well. 

 This is just from last night!  I can't believe she has heart cancer and will die any moment now. She was still so eager for her pizza crust!

 My Christmas girls.

 My sweet, adorable, beautiful, silly baby girl.  My little Shirley Pie.  I wish this wasn't happening to you. When I die I am going to require many, many answers from God as to why his innocent creatures had to suffer so...

Some short videos I found myself watching over and over today. Here's "Apple Time"...

Here's "Lemme Help You With That"...

Here's "Sleepy Love"....I have always loved running my fingers through Shirley's wavy, curly fur.  Calms me down, soothes my mind, and heals my heart when I'm hurting.  

I don't know how much time Shirley has left with me, but it's safe to assume it can be measured in hours.  Our rescue friend Peggy wrote to me today, "This is the tough part of adopting the sweet golden oldies...we never have them long enough." 

As if there could ever be such a thing as "long enough"....