Blah

The onslaught of assignments are almost over... just this last stretch more... looking back, I can't believe I have made it through. So many times I felt like I just wanted to give up (though of course I couldn't...), I made it through. Shows how much craziness the human body and mind can take. Lol.

I'm so tired. There's a little part of me that regrets taking up the temporary tuition job from Ani, due to the desire to slack and from the fatigue of all the assignments, but on the other hand, the money would come in really handy. Sigh. I suppose it's just inertia. I'm sure I would enjoy it when I really get started on it. I hope.

Going Taiwan for a week in dec. I'm glad I decided to extend. Maybe a week away would do me a lot of good on my mind...

Sometimes I just want to yell. Sometimes I just want to cry. And sometimes I really don't know why.

My fav poem from Robert Frost

Wind and Window Flower

Lovers, forget your love, And list to the love of these, She a window flower, And he a winter breeze. When the frosty window veil Was melted down at noon, And the cagèd yellow bird Hung over her in tune, He marked her through the pane, He could not help but mark, And only passed her by, To come again at dark. He was a winter wind, Concerned with ice and snow, Dead weeds and unmated birds, And little of love could know. But he sighed upon the sill, He gave the sash a shake, As witness all within Who lay that night awake. Perchance he half prevailed To win her for the flight From the firelit looking-glass And warm stove-window light. But the flower leaned aside And thought of naught to say, And morning found the breeze A hundred miles away. Robert Frost

Sigh. Want to get out of the house. But struck down with bloody runny nose. Woe is me.

When I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change

Time is sooo tight. I can't believe the number of appointments and outings I've cancelled already. Urgh. Now I'm retraining myself to at most 2 outings during the weekdays. Sigh. I'm still trying to find time to go storybook shopping. Lesson planning is such crap. Or maybe I'm putting too much pressure on myself. No matter how much I look at it, I can't seem to make it a good lesson. My future students are gonna be bored stiff with me. Lol.

Back to school!

NIE starts tomorrow. I don't know if I'm supposed to be happy to be going back to school... so far I quite prefer working to studying. Don't miss the assignments and exams definitely. Ah well, just perks of being paid to study for now I guess. Heh.

Going out with my girls tonight. Very happy about that :) Haven't had a nice chat with them in a lonnnggg time... :)

Pinings

I can't believe how much I'm suddenly missing Aussie. Suddenly thought of it and decided to look through past photos. Sigh. The lovely memories. They were some of the best times I've ever had in my life I believe. With great friends and company! Awesome weather (though too cold at times), fantastic food, beautiful scenery.

If it weren't for the fact that my friends and family were here, I might just consider migrating... that's if they even want me anyway :p too many immigrants to aussie as it is.

Jo's sharing came at a very opportune time. I've never realised how difficult it can be to be pruned by God. And painful. Not physically of course. I'm continuing to wait for that next step in His relevation of His will for me. Seriously learning to just submit to Him.

Really not as easy as I thought.

There are times when I miss being a student, though on the whole, I'm still happy being where I am now.

Tonight feels like such a long night....

The unknown

Starting my Enhanced School Experience with Princess E primary tmr. It's merely a school attachment, but NIE loves to give all sorts of fancy names to things. Maybe it makes people feel better about having to do it?

I'm freaking terrified to start. I've no idea why. I can't get rid of this feeling no matter how many people have reassured me. Kinda strange knowing how I had wanted to teach. But now that it's about to start, I'm having cold feet. Terribly cold feet. Fear of the unknown? Perhaps I'll feel better after it starts....

I'm craving some comfort food. Anyone?

The slippery slope of sin

I was feeling bored. I guess I'm just not cut out to be doing nothing at home at all, though many times I wished I could be slacking while I was tired at work. Lol.

In any case, I came across this article in Our Daily Journey. I guess the title can seem rather alarming, but the actual fact is that the deed itself always starts out as something very small and seemingly inconsequential, then it all crashes down horribly.

It's all too easy to just tell ourselves not to do it, or to think that such things are not things we'd do. But like what the story in the article tells us, some of these things happen and crawl into our skin without us realising what is its final consequences.

The importance of always reflecting about the things you do at the end of each day, keeping that close relationship with God, monitoring yourself in prayer and among your cell group members, cannot be undermined.

Anyway, just had my NIE ELCE test this morning. Just before we started on the test, they told us not to worry if we don't get exempted from the EL module, because the test was created in such a way that most would fail anyway. Erps. Why bother setting the test in the first place?

My fellow trainee-teacher to be, who was also starting ESE in Aug, called up MOE today to ask when we would be told about our school posting. Apparently they are still waiting for schools to respond to the request to take in trainee teachers. If no school were to answer, then we wouldn't have our ESE. How.... well-organised. To think ESE is supposed to be compulsory for all pre-NIE trainee teachers. The MOE officer gave the reasoning that 2 Aug is an odd timing (in the middle of the term), so most schools would be busy. Well, considering MOE was the one who told us the second intake was to be in 2nd Aug anyway...

I'm just terribly amazed at the system sometimes. Lol.

The grass is always greener on the other side

Work has been tiring, no doubt about it. Plus the fact that I'm not getting as much rest as I should... well my body keeps giving me problems... sick, swollen eye and all that. Lol. Ah well. Really wish I could be slacking for a whileeeeee more. But then that would mean I'll be broke.

Then those friends who aren't working, always say that they are bored. At least 2 people have told me so. Haha I wish I could say the same.

I guess it's always important to strike a balance. Either extreme is definitely not good.

Changes

Yes it's been a long time since I've blogged. I think by now, no one ever comes to read my blog anymore. Heh. Anyways...

I've finally moved to Jurong West! Ok it's been like half a month now. I guess I've pretty much settled down in this area, though I do miss dear old Bukit Merah now and then. Especially when I have to pass it to get home sometimes. Sigh. Wish I didn't have to move... but well, the benefits of some changes aren't always so clear at the beginning.

Work has its ups and downs. I have wonderful friends and colleagues here, so that helps a lot :) It can get quite tiring though. But nonetheless, it's all a good learning process, and I really can't say I regret doing this instead of going straight for my school attachment. And I've learned that the type of school you send your kids to REALLY makes a difference. Culture in the school is almost everything. Gosh. Only P1 kids and they are affected already. Seriously. If it's that obvious to me when I don't stay in the school more than 3 hours each time, it probably holds a lot of weight.

So I guess I'm now in this life phase where a lot of changes are happening. Work, home, friends... people moving to different things in life as well. Do I miss the simplicity back when I was just a freshie in NUS? Sometimes. But I guess I like where I am now. I believe in moving on wherever life takes me to. Don't see the point in pining for what's passed or trying to hold on to those things. Well missing it is fine, but not too much. You can't enjoy what you have at present if you are living in the past.

I keep seeing pictures of people getting married in FB. Haha thankfully none of my own friends are married yet, so I can still feel like I'm just starting out with life :p
Had a conversation with Kelvin the other day though. He was complaining to me how difficult it was to propose to his gf when BTO flats take 4 years to get ready. The way many Singaporean men get around that is to propose by saying, "Let's get a flat together." Urgh. Romanticsm = zero. In fact, one friend of mine already gotten a flat allocated to them, but he has yet to propose. So buying a flat means... there's no longer a need for proposal? After all, if you are BUYING A FLAT together, it would mean marriage in the future right. Utterly dull and boring way to start your path towards marriage. But I suppose it all depends on the couple.

Ah well. Back to work :)

Back in SG and cashless :)

It had been an awesome trip in Australia. But like all holidays, it always passes by very quickly, so what's left are photos and memories. Bought quite a lot of things there - really pleased with some of my buys :) I don't regret spending what I did over there. After all, I don't want to come back regretting not doing certain things or buying/trying other stuffs. Pictures are all in FB (still trying to finishing uploading them lol), so I won't bother resizing them to post them up here.

So there you have it, I'm now left with a measly 40 bucks in my bank account. Hopefully I can last out for the month. Stay home and slack more? Lol...

just another blah moment

I have a few minutes to do a random blog post while waiting for my dad to get ready so we can go breakfast. Studying at home is such a nono these days. I can hardly find the motivation to get up early like I always have. Maybe it's the whole feeling of 'I'M GONNA BLOODY GRADUATE SOON HAHA' that causes me to lose my motivation. It's not like I really need the grade anyway. Got the jobs I wanted and I ain't likely to pull my CAP up to a second upper anyway. Why bother then?

The ONLY thing that keeps me studying is that fact that I DON'T like to do something that I have to do in a sloppy fashion. If I have to study, then I will do all the steps necessary in my 'studying method'. Of course, that plus the thought of letting my prof down. After all, I have been working with him for more than a year. I have this horrible tendency to want to live up to people's expectations. Trying to ignore it as best as I can, mind you.

Just changed some money for Aussie yesterday. I really don't think it's gonna be enough. Knowing how soon I have to start working and all... I really want to play properly. Come on man, I've been looking forward to it for years!

Suddenly this thought just came into my head... something that pastor mentioned about Man's plan can fail, but God's always prevail. Then I think about how hard I tried to save up and such.... all for naught. Had to borrow such a hefty sum. But thankfully I will have the means to return. Sort of like credit spending perhaps?

I guess sometimes it's hard to keep trusting. Maybe because I don't turn to His word enough. Always trying to rely on my own abilities... which is like SHIT I tell you. Haha. Oh well...

Ok time for breakfast. Then back to mugggggggging....

The sun is bright outside, but I'm stuck inside...

Yes I'm feeling rather forlorn about my situation at the moment :p
I wish I could just laze around in the sun and snoozing on the deck chairs... but here I am taking a minute-long break from the paper just so I can blog a bit. Have to go to work later, so I've to make proper use of my time now. After all I intend to finish this by tomorrow, so I can GO OUT. :p

Or maybe I should say, so I can let xinyan proofread it for me. More erm...principle-ly correct. ISM is a very important paper to be doing to hand it too slipshot a piece of work.

Just cooked dinner for tian, jy, jj and wj last night. Of course I couldn't have done it all by myself. Tian and JY helped with the chopping and WASHING (very impt), and WJ and JJ did their part in cleaning up too! Muahaha I hate cleaning up. Anyway I can always plead the case of burnt thumbs. (Forgot about hot steam and exploding oil pockets. urgh)

Whee~! I can't wait to hand up this dumb paperrrrrrrr!

At Work on a Saturday Morning

Somehow work this week is a little more relaxing. Perhaps it's the only pretty constant and routine thing that is expected. Something probably all of us need after a turbulent week. Sometimes things just happen. A friend said this: "Things happen, but you get to see the nature of people around you. And in the process know yourself better too."

Wise words.

It's times like this when we remember how human we really are.

Moviessssss

I wanna watch Clash of the titanssssssss!!

I wanna watch How to tame a dragon!!!!!!!

6 more weeks of school!

Finally finished my Cog Neuro essay. Definitely not my best piece of work but what the heck, I just want to get this sem over and done with! Now all I'm left with are 2 presentations, 2 papers and 1 test. Fantastic! Not.

On top of that I still have my data entry work to complete. I'm in this 'nua' state right now, so I really don't feel like picking up that huge stack of surveys to continue coding. On the other hand, it's my livelihood for now. Urgh *continues TRYING to drag my butt off the chair*

I'm soooooooo looking forward to Aussie :) But I heard there's a hurricane in Brissy now. Hope everything's ok. Really don't want anything to go wrong >.<

Oh yea, I've to start packing my stuff up soon. After this month... when more of my deadlines are done. Sigh. *Looks around room* The stuff is ENDLESS. :P

I believe in Jesus

I think this song is very powerful. Such simple lyrics... that convey so much. Really, with the power and faith to believe, everything will be a lot simpler. I won't say easier...but simpler. It's when you're trying to be most effective for God that the devil tries his hardest to take you down.

Don't forget the sovereignty of God, and His everlasting grace and mercy.




I believe in Jesus
I believe He is the Son of God
I believe He died and rose again
I believe He paid for us all

And I believe He is here now
Standing in our midst
Here With the power to heal now
And the grace to forgive

I believe in You, Lord
I believe You are the Son of God
I believe You died and rose again
I believe You paid for us all.

And I believe You're here now
Standing in our midst
Here With the power to heal now
And the grace to forgive

Fats in all the wrong places

Ann helped me with some basic body compositions. Basically I have 23.3% body fat and only 1% visceral fat, the latter being fats around the organs. Supposedly having 9% or less visceral is good, according to Ann. So ok that's great. But considering I have a hefty 23.3% body fat... WHERE DID IT ALL GO. I've got no up there and down there. LOL. Anyway.

So as a direct consequence of my large (non-visible) body fat, I have a BMR of only 1050(around there). Thats the rate at which my body burns energy or something.

And let's not even go to my BMI. :P

A little reflection

Happened to come across these few verses when I spontaneously decided to type "Loving God" on Google search. Seems like these days I'm only using Google to do my own research for work and school... so why not search for something vastly more important right?

“He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it." Matthew 10:37-39

"For do I now persuade men, or God? Or do I seek to please men? For if I still pleased men, I would not be a bondservant of Christ." Galatians 1:10

I suppose the words seem to speak to me somehow. Especially with all my commitments to family. The balance has left me and I seem to find myself constantly stressed with the burden and lack of time to God and myself. In keeping my duties with everything else, I have forsaken my duty to God and self. This 4 days that I've spent in Varsity... have been pretty peaceful ones. Rachel came for the first 2 nights but we were mostly doing our own thing, apart from the regular chats and the couple of swimming sessions. Heh. Tian and JY came yesterday morning for a dip too. It was fun to just relax and enjoy the company the girlfriends you know. We can't let life drag us down too much :P

After work at bishan today, I guess it's time for me to head home. My parents must be missing me too much :P Actually I'm still debating between tonight or tmr afternoon. There's still work to be done... but then work is never-ending.

Ah well, time to get back to work. No time to waste! ^.^

Irrationality

One of the stereotypic traits about women is that they can be illogical and irrational. I guess that reaffirms my identity as a female doesn't it? Lol.

It's been a long week. Let's pray that it gets better.

Work work *imitates peon's voice*

Yup as my title suggests, I'm at work now. In Bishan. Gonna be for the next month, every tuesday and thursday... and a couple of saturdays. More revenue to go into my grad trip fund :)

Oooooh, and I just found a little musical box on the desk. Well I work at a reception you see. There's loads of interesting little things lying around. Muahahaha. It plays a little tinkling christmas song. So nice :D I'm gonna keep winding the musical box. :P

Lalalala so bored. Update more if I'm still bored later.

Just something interesting...

Got this link from a friend's blog. Pretty interesting I must say. Surprisingly accurate too. Lol.

Late at night

I haven't been sleeping all that well recently... probably due to the vast number of dreams I seem to be having. Don't really remember most of them, but some do leave a certain impression on me when I wake up. I never used to dream this much in year 2 and before. I think it all start happening a lot more during the later part of my third year in NUS. I don't particular recall thinking about a whole lot more things as compared to last time, but then, it could all be subconsious after all. Haha. All part of being a psych major.

More coins into the CEF box. :)

CNY 2010

I love Chinese New Year. It's the whole vibrant and lively atmosphere that never fails to make me feel warm and happy inside. Anyway for the second and third day of CNY, I was out visiting with my cousin's side of the family. My own family is really small so everything's normally done by the first day. Here are some pictures...

I had to arch my back to lean over the dvd players to get this pic. The living was too narrow. Otherwise I couldn't get everyone in the picture. LOL.

Love her. Zi En. She stood at the gate and waved to me till I drove off today. So cuteeee. I heart.
Haha some people scolded me for earning little kids money. It's just the family culture here. Look at all the grown ups. LOL.

I love big families. I miss visiting my grandparent's house every week. It's really great to have family just surrounding you. Ok yes I'm a family girl. Not ashamed of that. :)

My bro made this comment to me today: "Wow, you sure are good with kids." Compliment of the year :D

Reunion~

Haha here's to showcase the first reunion dinner that I prepared for my family. A tad more unconventional as compared to the usual CHINESE family reunion dinner... but the point is that everyone is UNITED eating together right?



hehehe not too shabby. And you can't tell from the picture that each slice is like the size of my palm with the fingers slightly spread out... and they are a solid 1inch thick (or a bit more) each. :P:P My bro completely died after 1.5 steaks (He thought he could finish 2 easily, so I bought one more for him. )

I miss my tomboy days. Lol.

Dissonance to resolution

Sometimes I wonder if I should have been born a guy instead. But then, I think of the million and one benefits of being a girl, and I thank God for making me one :p

Thanks to a quick little MSN chat with Shu, I'm no longer feeling a tad conflicted. She always knows how to get to the heart of the matter. Heh.

I suppose it all depends on the person and the context, the personality differences and the amount you care. And a lot more too I guess.

Ah well.

Anyway CNY is coming! Hope I get more angbaos this year. Heh. I'm so going to relax these few days. The stress is creating havoc on my mind I tell you.

In any case, I'm still the princess of Atlantis ;)

Here I am

Lots of new fav songs lately...



"Here I Am"

This is a crazy world
These can be lonely times
It's hard to know who's on your side
Most of the time

Who can you really trust
Who do you really know
Is there anybody out there
Who can make you feel less alone
Some times you just can't make it on your own

If you need a place where you can run
If you need a shoulder to cry on
I'll always be your friend

When you need some shelter from the rain
When you need a healer for your pain
I will be there time and time again
When you need someone to love you
Here I am, hmmm

If you have broken dreams
Just lay them all on me
I'll be the one who understands
So take my hand

If you reach emptyness

You know I'll do my best
To fill you up with all the love
That I can show someone
I promise you you'll never walk alone

Well if you need a place where you can run
If you need a shoulder to cry on
I'll always be your friend

When you need some shelter from the rain
When you need a healer for your pain
I will be there time and time again
When you need someone to love you
Here I am, oooo

Everybody needs somebody who
keep a heart and soul in two

Well if you need a place where you can run
If you need a shoulder to cry on
I'll always be your friend

When you need some shelter from the rain
When you need a healer for your pain
I will be there time and time again
When you need someone to love you
Here I am, Here I am

The Story

All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don't mean anything
When you've got no one to tell them to
It's true...I was made for you

I climbed across the mountain tops
Swam all across the ocean blue
I crossed all the lines and I broke all the rules
And baby I broke them all for you
Oh because even when I was flat broke
You made me feel like a million bucks
You do and I was made for you

You see the smile that's on my mouth
It's hiding the words that don't come out
And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed
They don't know my head is a mess
No, they don't know who I really am
And they don't know what I've been through like you do
And I was made for you...

All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am
Oh but these stories don't mean anything
When you've got no one to tell them to
It's true...I was made for you
Oh yeah and its true, that I was made for you

Gonna be at Varsity till friday. Not complaining at all though. It's like my own chalet lol. And getting to school is pretty easy. Especially when I have a 6 to 9pm lesson later. Haha.

Went to suntan this morning. Less than an hour only though. I THINK I did get a tiny bit darker. Have to slowly do it... don't wanna get all burnt and then start peeling. Haha.

Brought my soft toy dog to stay with me here. Keep me company. And act as a bolster for me since it's rather large. Heh. Oh well.

Ok back to work. Enough rambling for now...