another year is about to end and here i am reminiscing the highlights of my life this year. it was sure of a rollercoaster ride, the year wherein i learned the most and experienced extreme emotions.
in the beginning of this year, one of my bestfriends' mom was killed for reasons still unknown. it was a huge blow for her and for me too bec it was my first time to actually know someone who was killed on purpose. it was my first encounter on human cruelty -- little did i know i'd meet more later this year.
good things came my way come feb, as i was promoted to team lead -- handling 16 agents. i became more focused with work and really learned a lot during the process. leadership was not easy, and my previous mentor was right -- most of it i had to learn through experience. i had to overcome several threats, and it did not take me long enough to figure out that sometimes you have to play along to understand the rules of the game.
someone whom i treated as my mentor told me the most shocking thing in the world last april. i knew at that time that it was just a game, a game i am not in the mood to play. work is all i can think of, and although i earned the position -- i felt that i needed to prove my worth to everyone. we did not talk for weeks, until he told me that he was over it -- and we went back to our usual closeness.
i went out on a couple of dates, but none of them became exclusive -- maybe because i really wasn't looking for commitment as i am enjoying my bachelorette life so much. countless inuman sessions, night outs here and there. i was having fun (thank god for my ultimate girl friends!), but i must admit i knew something is missing and a part of me feels lonely at the end of the day.
stress on work became frequent come mid of this year. i am a workaholic person, majority of my tenure at the company would have me being really perked up for work. that's why when it came to a point that i am literally dragging myself to work, i knew i had to think that maybe a career move is necessary for me. but i enjoy leading my team so much, that i set it aside and try to focus on what needs to be done.
just when i thought i was about to end the year straight up, i became close to a guy come september. his reputation is horrible and i was told countless times to stay away. it has always been a part of me to see the best in people, and that's what i did. his vulnerability got me to believe his sincerity and eventually, i fell. part of me knew that it wouldn't last, so i just made the most of it and dropped him.
and then he told me those three words that shook me. and weirdly enough, i believed him even though all the clues are telling me otherwise. it did not take long before he told me the truth, and i had no trouble accepting it. accepted yes, but painful -- hell yes. i guess the reason for the pain is not the fact that he's not for me, but the fact that i kept on clouding myself for months that i was just another girl who was stupid enough to believe that we might actually have a happy ending. i closed my doors to anyone for two weeks, though i still receive a lot of revelations pointing to the harsh reality that he was not whom i thought he was. i used it to my advantage to get better, and i was proud of myself that i am now able to smile in less than a month after the storm.
just like last year, i also lost a friend this december. he was very important to me and treated him as my all-in-one friend. i'd like to think that he did not want to drop me, and that it was a decision he had to make. losing him made me realize that people do really change, and some of them -- even overnight. i learned to take care of my friends more, and make sure not to do anything that may damage it even for a tiniest bit.
december is also a month of fun, as my good friend came from abroad once again. it was a different setup this time though. we are going out on a different set of friends as compared to last year. i love being with them because knowing them for 14 years made us feel comfortable around each other -- talking about anything without pretentions and hesitations.
i decided to leave my beloved company of almost three years too. i felt that 2010 was the perfect time to start anew on a different company with an entirely different crowd. it was a very difficult decision to make, around 60% of the reason being my attachment to my team. but i promised them that this wouldn't end there, and that i'll be keeping in touch.
upon leaving the company, i was surprised to know of people who wanted to pursue me months ago but was pushed back for some reason. i turned them down, not because i don't like them -- but because i am really not ready to open myself to anyone for the next couple of months. i want to give back to myself what i had lost -- and i know that it would only happen if i take total control of myself and be happy on my own.
so just like last year, i'm facing 2010 alone. i'm sure it's going to be one hell of a ride again, this time applying all the lessons i learned this year. i am still me, only wiser and stronger. :-)
