Christmas Miracle

I love happy Christmas stories so I wanted to share mine.  A week ago, my bishopric stopped by with an envelope.  They said that someone in the ward wanted to remain anonymous and give me money for Christmas.  I was incredibly touched and told them that I couldn't accept because my kids are so spoiled for Christmas and get everything the want/need from grandparents.  He then said that I should use the money on me then.  I was overwhelmed with gratitude.

Tonight, they stopped by again with another envelope.  I told them that this time I absolutely could not accept.  They insisted and said to use it to feel a little more comfortable around this time.  Again, I sit here and am overwhelmed with gratitude for these good people and for a loving God.  In their letter to me, they told me that they felt prompted to give this money to me.  

A dear friend made a good point that maybe I was getting this money to help with something coming up that I don't know about.  Either way, I am so touched and grateful.  The Lord knows that I constantly stress about money even when I don't always need to.  I am so blessed and the kids are so blessed to have giving people around us and in our families.  

In the letter it said that they hope I can pay it forward later and I have every intention of doing just that and teaching my kids to do the same.  Merry Christmas everyone!  May we remember the reason for the season and His example of giving the ultimate gift.

It is okay to not be okay

I had two crazy things happen to me today that I had to document for later.  I met with my boss today and he and I had a great talk and he kept telling me how impressed he has been with how I have handled everything I have going on in my personal life.  It surprises me every time someone says that to me because my brain just always puts work first and so I have been early to work all year and just focused on work while at work.  He just reminded me to be kind to myself and remember that I have had a tough year and that I am human.

Then I was meeting with a teacher who is a dear friend and we were talking about this last year and she said, "well some teachers don't even know that you are divorced.  We all know that Karlie holds things close to the chest and everything is always okay even when it isn't."  I.was.shocked!  I am often told I share too much.

I think my coping mechanism this year has been to just tell everyone that things are okay and for the most part, they are.  I am so blessed to have the support system that I do.

This is me taking my first step to taking care of myself.  Things are not as okay as I am making it seem.  I have really dark days.  I am not my best mom self right now.  I get sad, overwhelmed, and lonely.

Because of these 3 though, I have hope.  I have love.  I have happiness.  They are so freaking hard, especially Eli right now.  He threw a fit at the grocery store today because it was raining and his sensory issues went into over drive.  This mean old lady came up to me and told me that it sounds like he needs a nap or some disciplining.  I wanted to punch her in her face and then I went and cried in the van.  I wish everyone was kind to others.  I have learned through my life to always think the best of people until they give you a reason not to.

And then a friend posted a video with this song in it and this is my new theme song!

This girl!

This girl has grown up so much lately!  She gets into EVERYTHING!  I can not look away for a second.  She is way more mischievous than either of her brothers were.  She has taken out all the DVDs more times than I can count.  She is also fast!  If she gets a hold of something she shouldn't have, I have to act fast!  She also bites...hard!  She left a bruise on Eli's arm and she will bite whenever she doesn't get her way.  We are working on that.

She is also pure joy and such a mama's girl.  I love her snuggles so much and her laugh makes my heart want to burst.  She also loves to have her shoes on and loves getting dressed in the morning.  It is still hard for her to leave me, but she is getting used to daycare as well.  I am so grateful for my built in bestie.

I get super frustrated with all that she gets into, but I am learning to let the little stuff go, so if you come over and there is clean laundry all over the floor, you know who is responsible.  Because she is my last baby, I am trying to soak up every milestone and see it as a celebration instead!  

Daycare

I have learned so much about my kids after putting them in daycare.  Eli is NOT a morning person.  Kerrigan and McCoy are.  Eli cried and kicked and screamed for the first week and now he happily goes into Miss Debbie's house.  The best part is that now it takes 10 minutes to leave daycare because he has to say bye and give hugs to all his girlfriends there.  (There is only one other boy there).  Today he told his friend, "bye cutie!"  Kerrigan will cry in the morning for a minute and then she is over it.  She is definitely warming up to the idea of daycare.

McCoy started daycare a week after the other kids so he is still in the hating daycare stage.  He mostly hates it because they feed him breakfast and he doesn't like eating.  He loves first grade though!  He loves his teachers and school in general.  He even has a locker to put his backpack in and he thinks that is pretty cool.

I don't want to jinx us, but I think we are getting the morning routine down too.  I have been 5 minutes early to work 3 times this week!  I put their clothes out the night before and have my bags packed and ready to go for work.  I am so grateful for the amazing Miss Debbie for watching Eli and Kerrigan and for finding the daycare that takes McCoy to school every day.

If I were not a mom to young kids...

I am blogging again to help me remember these times.  Lately I have been telling myself A LOT, "if I were not a mom to young kids, I could..."

Some of my answers include:

• work more hours
• go places without car seats
• read more
• sleep more
• not pay for daycare

Tonight though, I was thinking about my sweet babies and my thoughts changed to "if I were not a mom to young kids I would not

• get endless hugs and kisses
• hear "I love you" in the sweetest little voices
• get to laugh at McCoy figuring out what puns are and trying to use them
• snuggle on my bed that fits me and my 3 kids
• play baseball with my boys
• find dinosaurs in my bed and power rangers in my shower
• spend lots of time folding tiny clothes

Life is definitely hard, but I am so grateful for these little people and the love that they have for me.  They are patient and they are forgiving and I sure am trying to be the best mom that I can be for them.

Sleep, what is that?!

I swear this kid is trying to kill me off.  He has hated sleep since the day he was born.  Daylight savings threw a wrench in our schedule and he has woken up in the middle of the night since then.  Two of the nights he has been up at 3 and then my pregnant body can't get comfortable and go back to sleep.  He never has a reason for why he gets up.  No nightmares and he doesn't need to go potty.  

We have tried every suggestion that people have given us and nothing has worked.  Our pediatrician said this is just habitual and we need to break the habit by always taking him back to his bed and making it clear that it is time to sleep.  I have been so good about that...except today.  After 4 nights of him waking up, my previously mentioned pregnant body couldn't do it again.  I let him get in our bed and then he woke up with my alarm so he was up for the day.  This makes for a super grumpy and super whiny boy!  

Just when I was getting to my breaking point and about to lose it on him, I hear in a tiny whisper voice, "Heavenly Father, please bless that I will go to sleep soon and please bless that mommy will be safe and happy at work today.  Amen."  How could you stay mad at that?  Motherhood is so hard, but so rewarding at the same time.

Change is coming!

I swear this kid can feel that change is coming.  And, he is also 2!  He has been so cranky lately.  He says no A LOT and he gets frustrated because he can't communicate.  I really hope he doesn't hate me when I bring baby girl home.  We will see how he reacts.

On a positive note, he is still as cute as ever and he has developed a love of reading that makes me so happy.  He will just grab books and sit and "read" them for a while.  He won't sit through a movie, but he will sit and enjoy a good book, usually about dinosaurs.

Love my Eli Vaughn!