My Digital World

Yesterday, I found out that my charing fee for a commercial shoot is too pricy. My cousin helped me out with sending requests to some of the photographers I recommened. Those people's skills are better than mine. One of the photographers, works for the company where they have a team. The most incredible are their offer/price for a photo. That amount is 3 times less than mine. I realy did not understand how these people can survive with that small amount of money.

From that day on, I feel defeat...It seems that I cannot fully count on my photobusiness. Is our life really so tough or is it because I do not understand how the game of this world works? I wonder if I am ready to be enterpreneur. I like the challenge, but the fact of life is very difficult to accept. I don't want to choose to be an employee, since I want to fully control my own life. The bad things make me strong. But it also hurts me a lot. I hope I can withstand the hits and to become a champion.

This week, I chatted with my ex-colleague of Albumprinter. He said that the company is looking for us. I really think it is ridiculious. Two-three weeks ago, we get know we are all fired and now they want us back, but only for temporatory. Also, our GM (general manager) lost his position. The day we left, he become manager of the Development team and Quality Control team. Two weeks later, he is a Senior Tester. How ridiculious can this be? Rudy said that if he does not accept this position, they will fire him as well. Albumprinter is really pushing people to their limit. It must be a wonder if this company can survive before 2010.

This week, I start cycling to Delft. I did that too last year, but it seems that my health condition becomes worse. I feel the tension of my muscles on my legs after I arrive at my U. The cycling was not that successful as last year, because of the rain. In total, I only cycle for 54km, which is only the half of my usual distance of last year. But yesterday, I broke my own record! I was at home in 47mins! Although I did not depart from my U, but somewhere far away. So, I think I can break new record soon, if the weather the traffic lights allow.

I dunno why I don't have the happy feeling in these few days. I wonder whether it is because of the pressures that come from my business, my preparation of my oral (which I didn't prepare at all), my bad supervisor who delays my project (that takes my motivation to do my work well away) or maybe it is simply because I am starting being burned out.

My week start with paying the bills of around 1000euro. I ordered some weddingbooks and ink cartridges for my Epson Pro plotter. When I did a short revision of my decission, I notice that I might do a very bad step. There are many roads that lead to Rome. Somehow, the road I chose, took me a lot of money.

When I collected all the items, I noticed that my plotter is not working properly, since (after browing through the manual) , I forget to replace the cleaning box as well. That means the 650euro I spent was not enough. Coming few days, I will buy that missing item. (That means, another few bucks will leave my door).

Starting business really needs a lot of money. Although, I have almost the best equipments of Nikon and other gears, there are many other other stuffs I need to invest nor to buy. The money on my bank account seems like a rain that leaves the sky one by one. Sometimes very slow and sometimes very fast. I dunno how long this rain will take. I really hope I will see the sunshine very soon.

I did go to Kannai's office for doing negotiations with the bosses. That negotiation process was the longest discussion about the price I ever had. I took the train that leaves Rotterdam Central Station at 09.17h and I finish with a deal at 16.15u.

I really do not appreciate the way how Kabnai treats me. One thing is very clear to me. My first lesson of my business is that people do not really want to pay for the quality. They are very happy if you have a product that is "good enough". In their world, their definition of "perfect" is a thing that can satisfy their need. Even you will come with a real excellent product. Don't think they are willing to pay you for that.

On of my identities is my approach of to be a perfectionist. I want my customer to get the highest quality. So far, no one is willing to support me with my goal. Many of them said, if it looks OK, then it is perfect. I wonder whether I am so "strict" or that the Dutch people incl the DBC (Dutch-Born-Chinese) do not know what a real good thing is and how to appreciate it.

The last few days, I do not have slept for many hours. I dunno why I can't sleep well. Maybe it is the rushing shooting. The day after the negotiation, I have to do the commercial shooting. Luckily, I have Aletta who wants to help me, since you cannot book a model immediately. Besides, my budget is limited. So hiring a model from a model agency is not sensible.

Although, I can get a model, I am not able to book a MUA and Hairstylist. I was little worried that this shooting will not turn out what my cousin wants to have. To my surprise, he is happy with my shots.

The pics do not turn out as what I personally want. I do not blame on the retoucher, since she really did a good job to try to help me. The bosses of Kannai are the one I (and the retoucher) have to blame on. They ask me to finish 4 photos that will be used for adv.

I work very hard these 3 days. I just sleep for a few hours. At the end of this trip, I receive a reasonable salary. So far, this amount of money is the highest rate I get in my photobusiness.
It is weird that I am not happy with that money. OK, I am still very underpaid, but at least I am satisfied with what I get now. I think it is true that money will not give people happiness.

Today, I got a misscall from the Secondary School for which I had a job interview last Friday. I was in the washing room when I got that call. I wanted to call them back, but I saw that I received an e-mail. So, I went to check e-mail first. To my surprise, that e-mail is from that school. They said, they offer me that job and they want to send them a confirm mail back in which I tell them whether I would accept their offer.

I am very happy that I can pick up my teaching skill again. I like teaching and this time, I will give tuition to a class for one year long. The other good side of this job is that I can pay my cost, like renting, food, and other bills. I can also bring some money home. It is really a good start. Hopefully, this week I can start doing experiments for my MSc project, since my horrible bad supervisor did his job very bad. So, I have to (re)do all the experiments and check. Besides, I am waiting for the CO2 tank that he is ordering for me.

Today, I stayed at home in stead of going to Rotterdam/Delft. Since there is no use to sit at the U and wait for the things I need.

I stayed in Rotterdam two weeks ago, because I promised Jok and SiuMei to take pics of them to hang on the living room of their new house. My week started at my last day at Albumprinter. The working environment turned out very cool. The laugh is reduced, the motivation to work seriously is totally gone for me and my colleague Erik, since I am fired on that day and Erik's contract will not be extended in August.

Rudy, Tantra and me were going for Dim Sum that day. It was our last lunch together. I liked to eat with my team. We talk, we eat and we laugh. In the future, I don't know if we can have regular eating-outing like this. But at least, I have their contacts. So, I will be the organiser again.

Since I lost my part-time job and since the Dutch government will not support me anymore for studying, I need to find a part-time job to keep money flowing in my pocket. I cannot count on my photography business, since my biz is just at the starting phase, which means that I cannot garantee myself for 3 meals a day.

I applied some applications. For all of them, I get a job interview. The weirdest thing is that two of the interviews are somehow cancelled without letting me know. They didn't send me an e-mail at all to inform me that I did not need to come. So, they waste my time and let me circle around the building without having a clue what to do. The last job interview was today. It was about being a teacher at the Secondary School in Rotterdam, which I really like to do. During the interview, the school says that I am over-qualified. They said, they will test the candits for their knowledge etc. but since they think I am over-qualified person, I do not need to do that test. Being a perfect candit does not mean that you are the one they are looking for, since they can use that excuse to drop you out of the game, since you are "too good". Although, I did encounter this, but from my friends' stories, I know that this world is sometimes really weird.

Okay, that was about jon hunting. Again, I was very busy with my business. I went to many places in The Netherlands to check out their products and I am looking for co-operation. As what I expected, the photo-album that satisfy my standard, is very expensive. Their staring price (with only basic page, without any nice decorations on the pages etc) cost me 125euro. On top of that, I need to print large pics, like A3 size, which each page will cost 4-5euro. The photo-album has 40 or 80 pages, so you can do the Math to see what my cost is. Don't forget to include the photopaper which is around 1euro+ per page.

Because this all costs me too much, I am considering to print the pics by myself. I have a professional printer: Epson Styles Pro 4000. I did some calculations of the costs. It is cheaper, but it is not that cheap that I can fully do the print service by myself. Therefore, I find another way to save my cost. Via Zhoaduan, I get contact with a Chinese manufacture in photo-album. I will do the price comparison. Hopefully, this will give me the best solution.

This week, I finally can go to Kannai to give them the software that we made for about one year ago. They were not excited to see the software, since we promised them to give them one year ago. I had a tough talk, but I did survive. My business partners see me as the talkative guy, although I did not like to talk. I prefer to be a listener.

Today, my canteengirl starts chatting with me. This is the second time that she took the first step. The chat was the best of all other conservations before. Maybe because we talked about camera stuff, which she is far more interested in than my stupid jokes. On her msn, she didn't change her profile pic anymore after she puts the pic I took a while back. I am happy she likes it so much, since in the past she regularly changes pics as I do.