My Digital World

This month, there are so many birthdays. First of all, Sing and Wang Yan have their birthday at the 24th of January. This year, I joined Sing's dinner. Last year, I was at Wang Yan's dinner. Although I joined Sing's birthday, I did not buy anything for him, since he asked me at the exam day. So, I did not have any preparation. Besides, he said once that he did not like receiving presents, since he did not like buying presents.

What I think of is trying to look for a nice book about China for him, since he will go to Beiing for exchange programme. But I need to check whether I am free for shopping. Coming weekend, I will not be on internet, since I will give a KTV party. That is also a goodbye party for Sing.

The next birthday, which is today, is my lovely cousin Xiu Wen. I bought a very huge card for her. This card will be very late when she received it. I hope I have made her happy by my call.

It has been a while I called her for a chit chat. The way of how she talks is still the same. Also her smile is the same. It was a funny chat. She said that she is now the shortest one among the other cousins of mine. She also says that mine Mandarin is improved. I really hope I can made it to come by when she receives her degree to the Secondary School. I really hope that she will do well at school.

Tomorrow my mother has her birthday. Too bad that I cannot company her since I have to work and to study. I brought my D2Hs with me this since I thought I will shoot my mother's birthday, which I have planned at Sunday. When I went to shopping yesterday, I did not see anything I like to buy for her.

While I was shopping, I was also looking around for the presents for Sing, Nancy, Gaofei and Lynette. Nancy's birthday is at 29th of January and Lynette's birthday is at 31th. Gaofei has her birthday at the 4th of February.

I really wanna shoot some pics with my mom. Too bad that I did not find any nice gifts. Also too bad that my little brother will buy a birthday cake for her tomorrow.

I just post my previous entry and now I post a new one. Suddenly I want to share something with you. This entry might to bring many people' eyebrows up since you rarely will hear me talking about this.

In some people' eyes, they might find me a very lucky guy who know alot of pretty girls who are also become my friends. I can easily get along with many people. When I look around of what I have, it is really amazing. As a student, whose parents are from a very common class, I feel very lucky to have so many good things. I have a very big and nice room, that is located in the centre of Rotterdam. In my room, I have high end audio system and a big TV screen. Besides, I have my own studio. Besides, I like taking pics. I own many top equipments of Nikon brand. It is really amazing of how I did that.

Talking about friends, I feel I am very lucky too. I have many good friends around me. They will always offer their hands to help me when I ask them for their favor. Although, I have many friends, there is someone who I really like to know, but never have got the chance to know.

Many years back, I met a girl in the library of my U. I noticed that she could not log in the computer. I wanted to help her, but I did not know what I can do for her. She then left the library.

The first glance I saw her, I do think she is someone very special, which I cannot describe. I know many friends. Many pretties and many good hearted. Logically, I should have some feeling for them. But I don't! From so many years, there is only one girl who can attracts my attention. Although she did not nothing, I always want to look at her when I know she is there.

Do I fall in love with her? No! So far, I talk this to Celeste and Airin. I like to know her more. But this will be very hard, since this week, she said that she did not study at my U anymore.

In my life, I can get everything I like. No matter how hard it is, I will get that finally. But talking about her, I really do not have any control. I really want to find out what the thing is that picks up my attention away. When I saw her at my U in the canteen, I did not know what I should say. Many time, when I was with some friends (mainly females) in the canteen, she might be there. I think that in her mind I am kind of player, who likes hunting for girls. When I get a chance to talk to her, I do not know what I want to say. In contrast to her friend, who I easily can talk to. It is also very recently that I know her name and msn.

Since this year, I work on my M.Sc. project and because I started with my research in Zeist, I did not see her anymore. When I came to Delft, I also did not see her during the breaks. This week, when I chatted with her friend on msn, she said that she did not study at TU anymore, which surprises me. The most pity to hear is that the girl who attracts my attention also moves out TU.

I tell to many people to grab the chances when there are around. Regrets are one of the most painful things of our life. So, remember to do the things you like to do! Don't let it go! If you do not know what you to do, do share with your true friends. Remember that there is only one chance! If you let it go, there is no way return.

This week, is a very shocking week. My week starts with working in Amsterdam. My manager
asks me what I like to do after my graduation. I tell him the truth that I do not know.
Then he offered me a fulltime job, which he surprised me.

I have worked in that IT company for almost one year. At the day of my interview, I have
the feeling that this is the company where I like to work for as a part-timer. I have not
thought about sticking to it for the rest of my life.

I learn alot in this company. Although it is an IT company and where my task is to test
the quality of their products they produce, as in the field of hardware and in software,
I never have had any pressure when everyone is facing the deadline. The funny thing to
see, is seeing all the account managers stressing. I usually offer my help. which they
finally calm down.

The most important thing that I learn from this company, is the organisation within the
company. If I am the manager of my department, as well as other departments, I will
definitely do it in a very different way. Yeah, I really do not like the way of how it
is now. It is choatic and not-well-organised. None of the managers do really have an
overview of what is going with their employees. Because of the bad organisation, we
usually do not work efficiency and besides we also get complaints from our clients.

Anyway, the offer of what my manager gives to me, is nothing special. There is no
challenging in it. I am sure I will go for other kind of jobs. Working in an IT
world can be nice, but it cannot give me the things I really want, which is helping
people to stand up and making money to feed themselves.

At Monday evening, I went to Delft to meet Zhoaduan. I needed his verification of the
solutions I have for the Analog IC Design exam. Although I came to meet him for
discussing, we mainly talked about doing business. He is a very good and smart guy
who can give me good feedbacks on the things I like to do. If my future allows, I like
to start a business with him.

The next day, is also a working day for me. Gabor, who is my manager, was not in. So,
I was there with Rudy, my colleague, who joined our team as a full-timer six months
ago. He is an old man, who is looking for retirement. I am told by Sing, that he was
a manager before. He became tired of managing people, so he looked for something else
to do, which he finally joined our testing team.

That day, we were talking about Gabor. Our conclusion is that Gabor is not a good
manager. He lacks of skills of the manager. That is not surprisely, because he has
never had any manager skills before. What I also notice, is that he has no power to
convince people. When he tried very hard to get me to work for Albumprinter as a
full-time tester, I really think he is so useless. I only listened and waiting for
him to cut off his talk.

While I was working, I received an e-mail of Sjaak. He said that I had to build the
whole electronic for the fluorescence meter. I was so shocked when I read that e-mail.
At that moment, I was sure I will not finish my M.Sc. thesis by September. I set my
msn message to: "I see THE END OF THIS WORLD".

The only one who can save me, is my professor from my U. Since I have an appointment
with him (and Dafina) the next morning, I really hope all the best for myself.
Luckily they suggest me to allow to "copy" the design of the current measurement
system. That would save me alot of time.

My M.Sc. is more or less clear to me now. Their goal is to make everything in a chip.
After finding out if I have the good substance for measuring the CO2 and how it behaves,
my next task is to build the device and doing in more and more dept in the measurements.
The final task is to make all the things possible in chip size. In that chip, I also
have to include the design of the oxygen sensor which Dafina is working for her Post
Doc research.

After having a talk with my professor and Dafina, I meet up Jan Wieber. In the afternoon,
we have the Analog IC Design exam. The evening before, I teached Sing about what I know
from that course. Because of the very tight time, he was not able to pick up all the
things I explained to him. After the exam, when I talked to him, I asked him how the exam
was. He said, that he did not well. Jan Wieber thinks he will probably pass for that
exam.

At Thursday, I go to TNO Zeist for creating the coating for my sensor. I talked to Sjaak
about making the device for the measurements. Sjaak said that it is not easy to copy the
device. He said, it might be better to modify a system that they have in spare, which
is used for measuring the oxygen gas. But Sjaak said that he will come with some
suggestions next week. I really hope that it will save mine time, since what my professor
and Dafina want, is implementing all the things on a chip, which is a very challenge task
for me.

After having the different concentration of the coating, I immediately head to my U for
the thickness measurements in the clean room, which I am not allowed to enter by myself
since I need to do the security courses first. Coincidentally, the P.hD. guy who did the
thickness the measurements for me, is a guy I know. He also plays badminton, but we never
have played against each other.

His name is C.K. Yang. He comes from Taiwan. Although I brought my coatings to him at
Thursday, the measurements start at Friday. I joined him to go to the clean room, where
I told him how and what I like to measure.

That is what I get through this week. There were many shocking moments: 1. I have to build
a complete system 2. the thickness of my coating 3. the goal of my professor and Dafina

It is said that you cannot compare an apple with an orange. Some of the poeple did still compare the apple with the orange. Why? That is also the reason what I also want to know.

This weekend, I chat with a very good friend of mine. We used to be neighbours. I met her when I lived in the building where I live now. I was very surprised by her English, which is fluently and typical British English that I like very much.

I did not know when our friendship started. But our friendship grew very fast and we became best friends. She was also the first girl who I saw crying in front of my face. I think, I am also the first guy who could make her cry too. I used to think I knew her well, which is finally not the case when she started a relationship with a guy. She also mentioned that we were totally different kind of people, which I did not understand untill I realised later that we are indeed an apple and a orange. There is still something I do not understand, which is why an apple can be mixed up with an orange. Would it better if the apple has never met the orange? The apple has brought the orange many tears....

Yesterday, I got into a chat with her. She suddenly popped up with the question "how much do you cherish this friendship?". First of all, I was quite surprise by this question. Second, I absolutely do not like chatting serious stuff such as this through the digital way.

I answered her with "Where did you this idea from?" She said: "This is not an answer!". Although I wanted to know where this idea came from, she fired me with "This is not an answer!". Without any idea where this thought came from, since we were chatting about her trip which will be next week, I answered "This is not a thing that I can measure or easy to tell. What I can say, is that you are still my good friend." It was a tough chat with her. I noticed again that we are an apple and an orange, since she did not get what my message is.

I do not know what I can tell about she and me. When I said that we were different kind of people and that is why she did not understand me well. She immediatly says "why am I the person who does not understand you, why isn't you that you do not understand me?". It was not an easy chat, since I have to be careful to not harm her and I tried to be as clear as possible with what I want to say. To be quite honest, I was pretty sad after that chat. It is not the way how she reacts, but it is because the lack of understanding of both of us: she is mine very good friend, she did not know me well. Why???
I thought it might be my fault that she did not know me well, since I am not a person who is easy to understand. But how come that Airin knows me so well?!

She mentioned about that the feeling of what we had in the past is kind of lost. For me, it was not a kind of surprise, because we rarely meet each other and rarely have a chat, although we used to see each other daily. She said that this was not the reason. But in my opinion, when we used to see each other daily and when you just see each other for maybe once or twice a year, then the feeling is somehow not the same as it was. But she thought that this was not an issue.

Anyway, let me cut off this. It is now 11pm + and tomorrow I had to get up at 4am+. Yesterday, I chatted with her till 2am++. If I did not cherish her as my good friend, I definitely would not chat till so late, since I usually sleep at 12am.

This week, I saw a very nice movie: The Prestige. It is an old movie, but I just saw it. I let other people watch the movies first that I usually download. Why? I don't like watching all those boring movies. So I ask my friends to watch and tell me which are nice. Then I go to watch. Else it will bores me and it is a big waste of my time.

A few weeks ago, I was at Shabir's home. Shabir asked me serveral times to bring my external harddisk to his home, because he has some movies which he likes to share with me. The one he recommends the most is The Prestige.

Although he recommends that movie, I watch other movies first, which are Spiderman 3 and Transformers. I do not like Spiderman 3 very much. In that movie, everything can be expected. Transformers did a better job. It is a nice movie. But the best one, which I saw the last, was the The Prestige. All small elements in that movie work out very well! It has been a while that I saw such a good movie. For the ones, who did not watch it, do watch!

Anyway, this week, I have discussed with the post-Doc Dafina about our abstract. She was fine with the results that I have so far. I become the second author and she suggests me writing another paper, in which I will be the first writer, about my whole CO2 sensor devellopment. I hope I can do that, since I wanna collect many papers as possible before I graduate.

Because I am asked to write the abstract, I was busying with some fine experiments which I carried out in TNO Zeist. So, I went back to TNO and did experiments again. Surprisely, I still get my own computer and my electronic-card is still working. I also have no problems with logging in the computer systems. Besides working in Zeist, I have settled down my own small office in Delft where I can work on my M.Sc. at my U. I collected my doorkey of that small office this week.

The first step back to my U was a busy day. A lot and long discussion with Dafina. Thereafter, I have to get my office settle down. I also go to my U to study for my exams.

The last thing what I have done this week, is buying a new camera which is the Nikon D2Hs. I did not have time to play with this camera. But they will come very soon. Now I have two cameras, it does not mean that I will dump my old camera because the new one is much better in all aspects. I still will use my old one.

Being back at home in Groningen, I feel so tired. Yesterday I slept at 23:15h and I get up at 9:15h. I buy some breakfast and after having the breakfast, I try to study. In the afternoon, after lunch, I took a snap. Now I still feel very tired. My mom asks me whether I am sick. Since I rarely sleep so much. I told her that I am fine.

I have not been lazy around this weekend, since during the weekdays I did not get the chance to study for my exams. Although I am not lazy around, I do not study hard. I just read and try to understand the things I read to myself. The good feeling of studying, which was lost last year, seems be gone. The mood to study seems come back little by little. That is realy good begin for one of my resolutions of this year. Hopefully I can finish with two courses at the end of next week.

My very relaxing days seem be over by tomorrow. Like usual, my week starts with working in Amsterdam. The IT company starts boring me for while already. They begin grow bigger and bigger. But the inner contact is less and less. I have started thinking of dimissing with working there, because I already learn what I want to learn: namely, how testing is, how to report the bugs and how to cope with many kind of managers.

Anyway, the other days are my study days. This Tuesday, I have the first meeting with the Ph.D. (her name is Dafina) whom I write the abstract together. I am very excited, because it is my first proposal. But before I start dicussing about that abstract, I will tell her everything about the most recent I have. Maybe she finally will retrieve writing with me. I just let her make the decision, since it her proposal and her initiative to talk about writing. I really do not want to harm her career because of me.

At Wednesday, I probably will buy a new camera. I am thinking of getting the Nikon D2Hs, since it is very good priced now. If I get a new camera, I still will use my D70 regularly. I am not a person who like dropping old stuff once new ones come in. I like the old one more than the new one, but sometimes it is better to have an extra camera as backup. And besides, I think I need a better, in terms of a more professional, camera to satisfy my needs in many situations I usually face.

The other two weekdays will be studying and studying. I have to complete at least 1 whole course, since coming weekend I will start with the exam I am targetting on.

Last week, I mention that I want to be rich, I think, that the dream that
many people also want to be. But I notice that once people have money,
they might turn into a "devil".

In my opinion, rich people do not have time to spend. Simply because of
their big business and the huge amount that they have to deal with. The
more money they made, the less time they have. Does it mean that poor
people do have many or more spare time? Well, it is at certain point of view
true. Look at this way:
Rich people work very hard. But so do poor people. Besides that the rich work
hard, after their office time, they still have a lot of things to do, which might
be seen by others as non-related working stuff. However, it is related to
their business. For instance have dinner and playing with their clients or
going to party to meet more people or keer in touch with others.

In contrast to the poor people, they only care about to have a "security" job:
a job which they work to earn 3 times a meal a day and which it can give them
some little money to spend. If you look at how hard poor people work, it might
open your mouth. Some of them seem like non-stopping work the whole day.
Compare to their boss, their boss seems to have a very relaxing life. He or she
seems to play golf and do have nice dinner with his/her clients. The fact that
the poor work so hard, is that are scared of losing job; And some of them hope
to have raise or bonus because of their hard working. How about the rich one?
Do they really enjoy their life while his/her employees are working so hard?
Before I give you my thought, do ask yourself who is more afraid of losing
money? The employee or the boss? If you get this answer, then you what
I want to say.

Many people who have a short talk with me about of what I am studying, all of
them say that I have a very bright future in my hand. First of all, I used to
believe that a good education with many good experiences will give me a nice
job after my graduation. There is nothing wrong with this thought at first
sight. But, when I look around my friends who are a fresher and who work in
big companies and have many talents, my image as having bright future breaks
into many pieces.

All of us, I mean not only my friends and myself, but also you, want to have
a secure and good paying job. However, at our whole school life we do not teach
how to achieve our dream, but just as being a hardworking employee. In stead to
decrease the distance to your dream, the path is growing further and further.
At our very young age, nearly all of us are told "Do well at school and get a good
grade, then your future is very bright."

So for me, when I still lived in Malaysia, I had not so many hopes for having
a good future, because of the fact that I am not a smart guy. When I moved to
Holland, it seems that I have hope. Not because I became smart, but I did quite
OK concerning to school. So, I settled down to not have relationship since I do
not want to be "seduced". Well, I know that love cannot be fully controlled,
but look at me, I am not Andy Lau or Tom Cruise! So, the chance that I can
make girls' heart bumping over 120beats per second, is very very rare.

Anyway, I am a person who looks for improvements in many aspects. Myself, the
way how I have to handle, school, sport and you name it. I used to work hard
at school once, but when I want to get my first part-time job, I realised that having
a good grade and working hard are not enough. Working experiences count far more
than what you learn at school and all those nice marks you have. So, I change my
strategy. I build up my working experiences to ensure myself that I finally can get
any kind of jobs I like to do. That is why I work while I am studying and that is also
why I work in many kind of areas (to get more experiences). I used to thought that
that is the way to get rich. I used to believed working hard and do well at school too.
But this idea, is a very, very, I repeat, a very very bad idea. I don't say it won't work,
but it is too tough for my goal. When I look around, which I usually do, I notice that in
this world, there are too many people who are extremely smart, have many talents.
They beat me in many areas. How hard will it be for me to beat them? And in the
worst case, I can't even do that. If I go for the fight and if I win, does it mean that
I am happy? No! The world might be small, but the amount of people are gigantic!
After killing 1000 bees, another group of bees are ready to welcome you.

So far, I did not tell why I want to be rich. That is, because I want to use that
money to help people who never have the chance to see the hopes of this world.
Every time, when I see a documentary about the life of the poor/disabled people,
my heart is very and very sour. I cannot watch that documentary for longer than 5
minutes, simply I cannot see those people suffering. In my life, I barely give money
to people at street who are bedding for some money. I have pity for them, but giving
money will not solve their situation and it might keep their life doing at that way,
because they expect people to pity them and give them some money. I believe that
when you really want to change, you finally will get what you dream about. I am not
a person who will give them fish to eat, but I will teach them how to fish, so that
they can provide themselves for a nice meal every day. In able to achieve one of my
dreams, I need money. The more, the better!

If you read my previous entry of my school career, I wrote about the chance I grab
of my Primary School teacher Willem. Because of him, I am allowed to try to do
MAVO/HAVO/VWO. At the start of the very common level, I end up with completing
the highest level. So, I also want to give a chance to people who need help to make
their life easy. So, I know what's up for the coming years...

Happy New Year! Without my notice, 2007 just passes by. Time really flies. Especially when you have fun! I have gone through many things this year. Many of them are really nice. And some of them are a bit sad. Let me do a brief review of my 2007:

Many things happen. There are many ups and a few downs. Let me start with the downs:

The tension of me and my cousin Patsy is still there. I appreciate that she writes me a Xmas card, which I get from people less and less every year. In that card, she does mention about her notice that I do not pay her any attention. I expect to to start a talk, but till today she does not open her mouth. Yesterday, I did my first step, which is asking her if she wanna be on photos. Before I took pics of her, I went to play with my other cousins, which I finally did not snap any shots of her.

Apart from relatives related stuff, 2007 was not a good school year for me. I failed for many exams. Simply because I do not have the mood for studying. When I look at the letters of my faces, it seems that they like to make me sleepy. I also lost my chance for the honour degrees for my both Masters, which I really do not care anymore.

Lele, also known as Lili, is leaving us. Her parents start business in Portugal. Lele is the kid I like the most. I really wonder how she will be later. Let 2008 and many following years give her many happiness. Hope I can meet her in the future and see her smiles again.


There are too many good things to mention. But let me point out the highlight ones only, which are:
I have many good friends around who still take their effort to keep in touch with me. Singapore give me many nice memories and many nice Singaporean friends. First of all, my so called Singapore "gang" (Airin, Nancy, Stephanie and Anuska) still get along very frequently. Altough of all us are very busy, we still manage to find time to come together.
Secondly, two of my friends that I get know via IR photography do visit me! The first one was THL, mr. Tan. He stayed in my place and I tried to show him as many as possible good spots in The Netherlands. The second one was Andy, who just visited me recently. I also get the chance to meet her girlfriend. I wonder how he feels when he is back to Singapore after touring.

I still do give KTV parties, where I cook and let the students play in my little place. I am glad that they do still come and that all of us still have a lot of fun. This year might be the last year for many of them, since all of us (hopefully) will graduate at the end of this year.

I can't believe that I will have the trinity of Nikon lenses. They are very expensive tough! People who know me well, do know that I am a high demanding guy in many aspects. I find good deals for buying these lenses. It is not that I am rich, which many people think. I am not rich guy, neither a middle class guy. I am just a student. I just find a way to get money to buy things I like. That is not through saving and saving since that will take you a lot of time. Nor by gambling which I really do not like. All I can say is using my little brain to do a good job.

In 2007 many of my friends graduate. I feel really happy to see them reaching the end of the study. We all know we have worked very hard. But besides working hard, we also try to do something together, liek having a dinner and playing games.

During the summer I went on trip with the sister of Henry, the guy who I know from my exchange programme in NUS. It was nice to get know of Cindy and Sixiu. The 18days long trip was pretty tiring for me, because of my bad shoes. I get know that I do not like city trip that much. I am a person who do not like touristic spots.


What's up for this year? First of all, I want to be healthy. Secondly I want to graduate since I am really tired of studying. Hopefully I can make it around Septembre. Then I want to make money. I want to be rich. You may say, "who don't want to be rich?". But I have a reason why I want to be rich. It is not because I want to be like a guy who do not have any money problems, but it is to fullfill my dreams. What my dreams are....hhmm, maybe I will share that later with the readers of my blog.

Anyway, I want to wish all of you and many other people in this world, having a good year! Let all of our dreams come true. Stay happy and having a great year ahead! :)