moody meanderings

I cannot take another step. My dreams lie broken before me like shards of glass. I have no more dreams left to hold on to. No more hope. It sounds bleak and melodramatic, even hollow, which makes it all the more pathetic. Yet, that is where I'm at. Where do you go when you have no dreams left to follow? What do you hope for? And why is it cowardly to wish a quick and quiet end? Who would continue to walk the lonely and weary miles if they knew the light was never coming at the end of that long and very dark tunnel? I do not have it left in me to carry on.

We arrived in Beijing at 1.30 on Thursday morning after a 3 hour delay at Hong Kong airport. Prior to landing in Beijing, the flight crew apologised for the delay due to unfavourable weather conditions. It was funny because we were informed at the airport that the delay was caused by technical problems forcing the plane to be diverted on its way to Hong Kong. It was one way to get out of providing its passengers with dinner vouchers, I suppose. Needless to say, we were pretty wrecked by the time we got to our hotel over an hour later and most of us just crawled straight into bed. After a long 10 day work week with no break or time even to celebrate my birthday, I was unconscious as soon as I slipped between the sheets.

Our program began later that morning as we jumped on a coach and made the short journey to Juyongguan Training Centre. This was strictly not an orphanage. It was a training centre for children (and orphans) most of whom came from impoverished villages.


On arrival, we were greeted by bright, beaming faces and hugs. Lots of hugs. The children had taken time off school and had been waiting impatiently all morning for our arrival. Their unbridled joy and enthusiasm was infectious. Even those of us visiting for the first time embraced the little ones like long-lost kin. It was a family reunion. We were shuffled into the courtyard where quick introductions were made before we split up for lunch. Our program had been delayed due to the snowball effect of our delayed flight.

The first activity in the afternoon was a series of performances put up by the children. These children train everyday after school in the performing arts. There were colourful fan dances, swordplay and contortions. Members of our church provided ad hoc entertainment in between acts with one youth demonstrating hip hop moves while another, clearly from another era, showed off his breakdance moves. My contribution was the chicken dance, macarena and limbo dance which we did as a group activity to much laughter.


Evangelism is prohibited in China but after many visits, the Headmaster eventually relented and allowed programs with Christian messages. So it was very encouraging when the children performed a couple of praise songs taught to them on previous visits by our church.

I spent that first night at the centre to save on trip expenses while the rest of the visitors returned to their luxurious hotel and a sumptuous dinner of peking duck. Our dinner was a more meagre affair with sliced potatoes, cabbage, deep fried bun and red bean soup served on a stainless steel tray. There were also leftovers from our group's lunch earlier that day at a nearby restaurant which proved a veritable feast for the children and helpers. After dinner, a few girls begged me to teach them the chicken dance and macarena again. We found an empty classroom where we capered about like headless chickens until bed-time.


The next day, Good Friday, I made some balloon sculptures for the kids while waiting for the group to arrive. We played games and our church put up a skit which taught Christ's unconditional and redeeming love. We sang more songs, the favourite being "Little Dream", which we sang with actions. Even the many gweilos in our group joined in the mandarin songs, if not in voice, in action. We left the children some time after noon for lunch by the Great Wall. Some of the more fit among us ventured a climb up the wall. It was my third time on the Great Wall. We departed for Shijiazhuang later that afternoon and didn't get in until dinner time which proved to be yet another feast costing less than 60RMB per person.

The children at Shijiazhuang rushed out to meet us when we arrived the next morning. There were a number of babies among them. We were also told of one infant that was only 15 days old with a serious heart condition. The tiny bundle was blue in the face and clearly in need of professional care. Arrangements were later made to move the infant to a Beijing hospital.

Zhao Xian is a real orphanage and the only one registered as a Christian one, too. The orphanage is run by a local pastor. The children here are a little scruffier and more shy than the children in Beijing. Nevertheless, they warmed up to us quickly. Once again, the kids put up performances which, though less polished revealed more raw talent. The mime skit was mind-blowingly amazing. It was hilarious and delivered with remarkable acting abilities. One member in our group, a drama teacher, was completely bowled over.


After the performances, we adjourned to the courtyard for games, which included my wacky dances. During the "free and easy" hour before dinner, the older kids played basketball with the more athletic in our group. I gathered the younger ones to play with a "parachute" I borrowed off Andy. Shy at first, they soon became quite gregarious and I worried about the splitting seams on the parachute. But the seams held. The group departed on their hour-long journey back to their hotel while I remained with my pastor and his daughter and a few university students visiting from Nanjing and Beijing.


We ate a frugal dinner of re-fried leftovers from our restaurant lunch which thankfully, did not include donkey! The children then watched a couple of DVD movies as required by their Pastor while we retired to our sleeping quarters for a time of fellowship with the university students. These students come from poor families and their tuition fees and living expenses are sponsored by members of our church community. A couple of them had travelled 30 hours by train from Nanjing, standing throughout that journey just to spend 30 hours with us and the children in Shijiazhuang!

Easter morning service was not a very well-planned affair and therefore flexible enough to accommodate three surprise baptisms. Two university students and one former resident of the orphanage committed their lives to Christ in a moving baptism service. Tears were shed all around. It is important to point out that Christians are still persecuted in China. A young university student looking towards a bright future would not do well to turn to religion. The key to a good job is to join the communist party which means taking an oath of atheism. It takes a great amount of faith to overcome such obstacles to becoming a Christian in China. Yet, one student, a party member, was baptised on a previous visit.


For lunch, we visited a pear orchard an hour's journey from the orphanage. The pear blossoms were in full bloom and we were told this only happened for 10 days a year. Picnickers young and old clambered up pear trees to enjoy their buns, sausages and apple lunch with a view. It was quite a spectacle.


There were more games after lunch back at the orphanage and then it was time to go. Leave-taking took another half an hour as every member in our group attempted to hug as many children as we could. One child (a seemingly shy one) refused to let the leader of our group leave. So cute!


But leave we did. With hearts fuller than when we arrived. Before the trip, I thought my mission was to bring joy and fun to the otherwise mundane lives of these lost children. Instead, I found children with more joy and love than I could imagine. It became clear to me that I myself, had nothing to give these children that they didn't already have. The only thing left to do was to share God's love with them. Their genuine smiles and laughter belied the profound loss these children must have endured in being abandoned or orphaned. And yet, they did not seem to bear a grudge on the world but instead demonstrated a love and concern that rivaled anything I'd ever experienced or witnessed before. In the five days, I did not hear an angry word or see a scuffle break out except in play among these kids. They took great care of one another. In contrast, there were a few angry words and long faces among the children in our group nearly everyday. How is it that children who have so little have so much more to give than we who have so much? It made me think of all those times I held back from giving (money or time) to a charitable cause because of my financial situation.

To sum it up, this was definitely a wonderful pilgrimage well worth the wait and something I should like to repeat.

The show was a tremendous success considering we only had five or six weeks of rehearsals. It was a huge undertaking because most of the cast had no previous stage experience whatsoever and little to no musical background. What they had was the heart for it. And it was enough. It was our church's best Christmas concert ever!
I played the very hip and naughty, spray paint wielding teenage Virgin Mary sporting goth fashion and an iPod! It was great. The kids thought I looked really scary. And most people just didn't recognise me until I spoke. What fun!

The carolling after went very well, too. Every year, the carolling group gets bigger and bigger. This year, we had almost thirty! The bulk of these were from the musical. We also expanded our repertoire, doing four traditional songs in four-part harmony. Again, this was a phenomenal feat as most of them don't read music! And we only had two or three hours over a period of five weeks to get through it all. The choir performed admirably well. I was proud to be the conductor.
As with any stage production, it's always sad when it ends. After all those hours of rehearsals, one show just isn't enough to absorb all that stage-induced adrenaline.

Luckily, I'm carolling with the Hong Kong Singers, too. Our big event will be at St. John's Cathedral on the 19th of December. It's the annual Christmas lunch-time concert and a public affair. There are many private gigs in between, the biggest ones are this weekend at the Shek-O Country Club and on Christmas Eve at the Royal Hong Kong Yacht Club. I wish December never ends!

Earlier this spring, I auditioned and was accepted into the cast of the Hong Kong Singers' upcoming production, "My Fair Lady". This was going to be a big show for the Hong Kong Singers as it would commemorate the company's 75th anniversary, so I really wanted in. Rehearsals begain right after the summer vacation. However, as it progressed, my enthusiasm for the show began to wane. Cameo roles that were supposed to be assigned during rehearsal were assigned outside of rehearsal, while dance parts were taken up by members of the Hong Kong Academy of Performing Arts, leaving very little for the chorus to do. I was getting very bored and restless during rehearsals.

In September, I was invited to help record a demo CD for an original Christmas musical written by a good friend, Nury Vittachi. This was Nury's first musical and he had written it for our church's annual Christmas concert. The demo CD would be presented to the church council to secure their approval to stage it at the Christmas concert.

Our recording studio was the Vittachi bedroom set up with a microphone and a laptop loaded with the necessary recording software. Nury had earlier recorded the instrumental accompaniment on his keyboard which was then converted to midi files. The only thing left to do was to learn the songs and record them.

My first reaction to the songs was that of surprise and awe. I had not expected so sophisticated an arrangement nor such a mix of styles and genres. There was a Beatles-like piece, a swing duet, a jazz piece, and a pop ballad, to start with. I was thrilled at the challenge of learning and recording four songs in under two hours. But what really took my breath away was being told that the songs for the lead Principal was written specifically with me in mind. Wow!! That was the grandest compliment I'd ever received in my life! So, when I was invited to play the lead, it didn't take much persuasion on Nury's part, nor much consideration on my part to quit "My Fair Lady" for this.

The church council approved the musical and rehearsals are well under way now. Last Sunday, another cast member and I sang a duet from the musical during the Offertory to promote the concert. The applause from the congregation was thunderous and went on for half a minute! It was a most gratifying moment. For the first time, I didn't cringe at the applause following a musical offering. In fact, I found myself actually enjoying it. It was awesome. I can't wait to find out how ticket sales went!