3 months...

Molly loves to talk and smile. She is holding her head up really well unless she is tired. She will sit in her bumbo usually just long enough for me to clean the room that we are in and then she gets bored. She is started to smile at herself in the mirror. She also lays under her little play mat for quite a while and kick the ball hanging down. She still hasn't got the whole hand-eye coordination thing down. She does however love to chew on her hands, thus we are starting to get drool all over.She is starting to nap better which is awesome so I can get something done. When she gets tired she gets ticked and just fights it. I have found if I put her binkie in and put a blanket next to her cheek she usually calms right down. I usually have to put her in her swing if I want her to sleep longer than 15 minutes. She is still sleeping at night from 10- 6. She doesn't fight at night. We have our little routine down and she does great. I even put her in the crib before she is completely asleep usually. She really likes to be outside. She will just lay on a blanket under the trees for quite a while and not make a peep.

This is one of the few moments where she randomly passed out and fell asleep in the afternoon on her own.

3 years

It was our 3 year anniversary on May 24 and I just haven't got around to posting it. We didn't really do much but I usually make this cake for Kade's birthday but I was craving it again so I made it for our anniversary also. If you love chocolate and peanut butter you would love this cake. It has easily become both of our favorite! Love you Kade!

Labor...this is going to be long

I never actually wrote anything about my labor, and it would probably be good if I recorded the event somewhere. Since I don't write in a journal, here it is.

WARNING: This may be graphic and most of you probably won't want to read it.

Kade and I went to my doctor's appt. on Thursday, March 26. My blood pressure and swelling had continually gone up and so my doctor asked me if I would like to be started or wait another week. What kind of choice is that? I couldn't decide if I was more scared to wait a week or to actually give birth to a child. I just sat there with a blank face preparing for the oncoming anxiety attack. I asked Kade what he thought, he asked Dr. Blackett what she would do if it was her. She said that she would go ahead and get started. So there was my answer. We left and went to Village Inn (which sounded delicious at the time) for my last meal, then to Wal-mart to stock up. After an evening filled with anxiety and repacking my hospital bag several times, I had a restless night of sleep.

I was told to be at the hospital at 7:30. When I got there they started Pytocin. I hung out for about an hour until my dr. came and broke my water, what a strange sensation. After that all we had to do was wait. My dr. told us to come prepared for a long day so we bought a new DVD and packed some other favorites. Thus, we started our movie marathon with Baby Mama. The contractions were going pretty good and I got the epidural around 11:30. That was fabulous. I don't know why people make it seem scary. I didn't feel a thing, the anesthesiologist was awesome! Molly's heart rate kept dropping so they had to slow down the pytocin and then when her heart rate would come back up they would turn it up again. I also had to have oxygen which was super annoying. Through out the day I would randomly get nauseated and vomit then feel good for a while. Kade was great, he stayed right on top of getting me suckers and ice and even holding my vomit bowl. Finally at about 7:00 I was dilated to a 10.

They gave me two hours before I had to start pushing. I thought this was a great idea considering I was scared out of my mind. The epidural was still feeling good. I could still move both my legs a little which was nice. So the Dr came in around 9 and they got everything ready. Now this was the point I should have pushed that little button on the epidural, but did not. So once they got everything ready I realized that I could feel the contractions pretty well but I figured this would probably be helpful during the process. So a very sweet nurse grabbed one leg and poor Kade grabbed the other. My dr was so great at motivating me and keeping me focused. I only pushed 3 times for a total of 25 minutes while puking and she was out. I have never done anything more exhausting in my life. I honestly don't know if I could have pushed again if I had to. After her head came out I had to stop pushing (which was not easy) because she had a bowel movement inside me and they had to make sure she didn't breathe it in. Kade cut the umbilical cord which I don't really remember.

I honestly don't know if I could have done it without Kade, the nurses and my dr. Everyone was so awesome! All of the nurses in labor and delivery were fabulous. For anyone who has done it naturally or had to push for several hours, you have my complete and total respect.

The Weekend

Molly and I made the trip to Draper to see Aunt Ariel and cousin Charlotte who are here from Houston. We had a little bbq and it was so good to see everyone. All the cousins were even there. How cute are they?

These three will all be in the same grade. Molly has some catching up to do but I definitely see an alliance between she and Charlotte forming in the future. Watch out Chase.

Adjusting....

After having a baby I think people feel compelled to ask, "how are you adjusting", "are things different", etc. Kade has started telling people that their is no difference from before which always gets some interesting looks. I never know what to tell people. It is just like all of the other big events in your life, sure it changes everything but you just go on with life and I don't think you realize how different things are. Every time she wakes up in the middle of the night I don't sit their and think, "well I never woke up at 3:30 in the morning and watched Gilmore Girls two months ago", you just get up. I don't feel like my life is all of the sudden completely different and I definitely don't feel like all of the sudden I am a mother. I just get up every day and do what I need to do. Life is still just as good as it was before except now there are a lot more laughs, cries and poops.

The one adjustment that has been the hardest is the whole nursing thing. For those of you out there that everything just magically worked and the baby was fine with everything...poo on you. I think nursing has been one of the hardest things I have ever done. People talk about how it is this wonderful bonding experience with your baby, yeah, I'm not one of those people. I persevered because I feel like it is best for my baby, I don't have over $100 to spend on formula every month, and Im ok with burning some calories without exercising. Now, many of you are probably thinking that I sound like a very cynical person. Well, this cynicism has grown in the past few weeks because I am amazed at how people make you feel when you are nursing. I completely understand the taboo of just whipping it out and showing the whole world your goods when nursing. That makes me feel uncomfortable sometimes. I am a women, I have breasts and I don't feel like seeing someone elses, I can only imagine how men feel. However, if a woman is completely covered up what is the big deal. Please, if someone out there feels uncomfortable simply being in the presence of someone nursing while covered up please walk me through these feelings because I just don't understand. It is the most alienating feeling when you feel as though you have to go sit by yourself in a room for an hour to feed your baby. I, personally, don't care what people think so I get out my hooter hider and take care of business as discreetly as possible. However, I have noticed people seem as though all of the sudden they shouldn't be talking to you or make eye contact. I don't think anyone should ever feel guilty or ashamed because they nurse.

Sorry this is so long, but this brings me to my next point. Why do women who couldn't or simply didn't want to nurse feel obligated to explain why they didn't? Women who didn't, seem to feel guilty and feel like they have to explain. I can't tell you how many women have asked me if I nurse, when I reply "yes" their response (of those who didn't) usually begins "I really wanted to but....." I don't care if you didn't nurse, this does not make you a bad person, in no way does it reflect on your ability to be a good mother, or good person. No woman should ever guilty for this. I never thought that nursing was such a sensitive issue. Apparantly I had more feelings on the subject than even I thought I did. I guess my point is for everyone to be a little more empathetic of women and mothers in general.

The good part is, I get to wake up to this...

A little wobbly still when she gets excited but she is holding her head up better each day.

We are both pretty pumped for summer. Kade surprised us both and bought her a life jacket. How cute is that?

She has found her hands and is pretty pumped about it. Her poor little eye still hasn't started draining. The dr. said that 98% open up by six months.