Blessing

This morning I was dry heaving as soon as I woke up as I usually do 95% of the days of my probation pregnancy.  While this happens, I often cannot catch my breath or stop it for some time.  My daughter, Ruby, was watching me and then she made a "Ah-ha" noise and ran off.  She came trotting back with my jug of water from the side of my bed.  I took a drink and could breathe again and stop throwing up.  I was so touched by her concern for me and her bright mind.  I am so blessed to have her - she is such a wonderful addition to my family.

Stuck

I don't know if I am having a mid-pregnancy crisis or what but all of a sudden I feel scared (okay, terrified) to have this baby.  I have never felt this way before having the others.  The closest I ever felt was a bit of nervous energy about the labor - but never fear.  I am not even able to think about the labor right now because all I can think of is how am I going to take care of FOUR kids.  A baby - a newborn!  Right now, my kids can all dress themselves, handle their own bathroom needs, feed themselves.  And yet, some days I feel like I am drowning in their needs.  How can I manage to bring in another child - especially if that child needs EVERYTHING!  Obviously, it is too late now.  I mean I am almost 30 weeks.  And it isn't that I don't love this little girl and want her.  It is just that I guess I am wondering about my abilities and worried about the changes that need to be made to accommodate this little one.

At the same time... I sooooo don't want to be pregnant anymore.  I am just not feeling any of it anymore.  I had to take the glucose (drink of death) last week and was only mere points past their cut off.  Now I have to endure the 3 hour test.  This happened with Ruby and it was a nightmare to experience - I passed the longer test then and will likely this one too but still.  I don't want to do it!  My hips are killing me and the time I have left seems both freaky short and agonizingly long at the same time.  Ugggh.

Thankful Thursday

Its been a horribly long time since I did one of these.  Shameful, really.  

I am thankful that it seems that, finally, our family might be out of the month long sickness frenzy that hit during December.  

I am thankful that my dog is super cuddly and doesn't stink like dog.

I am thankful that when Baby Girl moves, she is big enough now to make me almost imagine what position she is in.  I like to think I am spanking her little bum that is in my rib now and then.

I am thankful that my second book was picked up by Meryton Press and that it, too, will be published.

I am thankful that my husband is funny and makes me laugh daily, and multiple times.