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Monday, February 28, 2011

Lyman Wit

Lyman is our favorite, and smartest "boy that is the oldest" in our family.  He is always thinking and it is always amusing when he shares those thoughts with us.

For example, whenever he tastes something he really likes - a dinner I make, dessert or candy he fancies - whatever, he will say afterwards in only the way he can how much he liked that food.  He paints a picture of the ultimate in living when it comes to that food.  He says "I wish I had a house made of this."  Because we all know that if something is really good, you want to surround yourself with it and in the little working gears of his mind having a house made of Lemon Creme cake would be the best thing in the world.

On Saturday, Andy and I were lazying around in bed at the degenerate hour of 8 am!  Our kids were pestering us to get our of bed and we were happily ignoring them - relishing in having no real reason to get up yet.  Lyman said something how we should get up because it was already 8 o'clock!  Andy said we didn't need to because it was Saturday.  I told him that when you are a parent you can do anything you want.  Lyman responds "Like eat as much candy as you want?"  Softly chuckling to ourselves we responded in the affirmative.   After a moments consideration Lyman said "When I am a parent I am going to get up at midnight and go downstairs to play in the basement, if I have one."  This is where we outright laughed.  I love the way his mind seems to imagine life as an adult in terms of childhood desires.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Thankful Thursday

Orange Juice.

I am thankful for that sweet, tangy citrus taste in my mouth and the cool, refreshing feel of it as I drink it.  I am considering putting in an IV tap of the stuff. 

Hot dates.

I am thankful for the cute guy who called yesterday from work to ask me on a date for tonight.  It made me giggle like I was a little girl with a crush again. 

Diaper waddles.

I am thankful for the funny way babies walk when they are learning - all wide legged and wobbly because of their diapers.  It makes me smile every time I see it.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

First Kiss

When I was a kid I spent most of my summers outdoors.  I ran barefoot most of the time in cut-off jeans, and a dusty old hand-me-down t-shirt.  My hair was pretty feral and usually never combed.  Flat chested and ferocious I would ride my bike around the neighborhood with the rest of the kids.  My bike was old and well worn but it had solid rubber tires that never went flat.  It also had broken pedals that would be like horizontal stakes for my feet instead of a small surface to push against.  I would make jumps off sidewalks and try to skid my tire on the gravel left over from the salt and sand trucks from winter storms.

My bike gang consisted of a several kids from the neighborhood living in the houses near mine.  We were a bunch of boys and girls from between the ages of 8-11.  My yard was the biggest and had a slope from the top of the driveway through the grass and we could get some serious speed going before heading straight for the sidewalk for our big jumps.  Sometimes we even cleared extreme altitudes of 6-8 inches.  Cars would honk and drivers would bare their fists (or worse)  at us as we heeded nothing before blaring into the middle of the road after our jumps.  It was in the middle of the road that my sister taught me to ride my bike after all.

My first kiss was during the summer.  Somebody had found Popsicles and had distributed them around everyone.  Some of us sat lounging on the edge of the sidewalk while others propped themselves up astride their bikes leaning from foot to foot as we balanced.  There was this one kid and to think of it I'm not sure any of us really knew his name.  He was one of the oldest like me.  He told another boy that I was his girlfriend.  I thought, well I am a girl, and he is my friend so I guess that is right. The sun was hot and we kept eating our Popsicles.  After a few more bike runs one of our parents called us in for dinner. 

When you get called in for dinner it isn't like someone comes to you and asks you to come in.  The gang would disperse only to the sound of a parent shouting out the front door the name of the kid wanted.  Usually it was my Mom shouting for me and my siblings.  It was like the siren call and we shrugged off to our own homes.  Riding full speed into the grass I would jump off the bike while in motion - never missing a beat as I caught my stride and ran the steps up to my door two at a time.

Sometime later, who knows really how long, since summer days always run together and kids never keep track, I found myself again in a loose circle amongst my summertime friends.  It was a funny lot.  Even more interesting was how it would change through the seasons.  During the school year we were different grades and had different friends.  We hardly acknowledged each other on the bus.  Boys and girls would separate, ages would differentiate and the school year months would roll on.  When the summer time came all the stringent codes of kid set propriety fell away and we were just kids in the neighborhood again.  But I've gone off topic.  My first kiss.

Well I was in a loose circle with the friends.  Most of us had thrown our bikes in to the grass and sat resting on the sidewalk.  I sat leaning super cool like on seat of my bike as I would lean from one side to the other on one leg.  Next to me was the kid nobody knew his name.  There was a kid named Allen sitting across the circle from us.  Now a moment for Allen.  For some reason he wanted to go by his other name James when he got into high school.  It was cooler I guess but we all knew him as Allen.  He lived a few houses down from us.  I kept calling him Allen until I left home.  Phff! James, whatever.  Anyway this Allen kid looked up and scoffed at Noname next to me.  He said "she isn't your girlfriend." 

Noname said, "yes she is - we are the fastest kids here."

Allen "That doesn't make her your girlfriend.  You have to kiss her to make her your girlfriend. "

I thought, I'm not sure I know where this is going. Ive got to get Allen to shut up. "He is my boyfriend and you better shut it Allen or I'm going to kick you in the shin."

One of the other kids said "You have to kiss her."  As if on cue, the rest of the Parker North Neighborhood Bike and Scooter Gang chimed in and echoed the rule about kisses and boyfriends.

Noname spoke out, "Fine then Ill kiss her!"  And then awkwardly Noname put his arm around my shoulder buddy style and looked at me.  I gave him a smile that was more of a grimace.  We looked back at the rest of the kids who were all leaning in - all anticipation and fascination. 

Somebody voiced their impatience and somebody else said something about us being chickens.  I thought, I don't know how to kiss a boy.  Everyone is looking at me and Noname.  Nervously I shifted from foot to foot causing Noname to shift on his bike too.  We shifted uneasily side to side on our bikes with our arms weirdly placed on each other's shoulders.  We looked like were were rocking on a boat.  We stayed that was for what was probably only a few seconds but felt like a really long time. 

"Fine!" Noname shouted at their jeers and he looked at me again.  His hair was blond and sticking up on one side more than the other side.  He wore a ragged tank top and cut off jeans like me.  I fidgeted nervously with the bits of denim fraying at the bottom of my shorts and looked at him.  He gave me a face that seem to say "I hope this isn't gross".  I echoed that in my thoughts.

For the briefest of moments the rest of our spectator group fell silent as he moved his head closer to mine.  We were still awkwardly astride our bikes next to each other - shoulder to shoulder.  It made our necks have to crane unnaturally towards our target.  Then it happened.  His lips were soft, and hot and were gone in a nano-second.  An electrical current shot down me at the moment his lips squished mine and my heart beat wildly.  Then we turned red faced back to our crowd and stammered our triumphant murmurs over their previous accusations.  In another moment later, my name was yelled out into the summer heat for me to come home.  I didn't know what the proper goodbye was when you had a boyfriend.  So I gave Noname a few friendly taps on his back where my limp arm still hung.  We released our arms.  I said goodbye to the gang and took off like a horse at the starting gate towards my home. 

Riding like the wind I jumped my bike up onto the curb as I neared home, out of the street.  Then turned when I hit my yard and let the grass slow me down as I again hopped off the bike while in motion letting it skid to a stop as I ran towards the stairs to my house.  My lips still tingled and I touched them briefly on the way up the stairs.  I looked back and the gang had broken up and Noname was riding down the street.

The next day I was worried about going out to ride bikes.  I went anyway, I was the fastest and probably one of the best jumpers.  I had a reputation to uphold there because in the summertime gang world of politics if you were not there you lost your alpha status.  Noname didn't come for a few days.  When he did return he and I were alphas again but we didn't really talk about the kiss.  I guess we had broken up.  That was alright with me.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Thankful Thursday

I am thankful for the everyday moments of life that we are able to capture.
What are brothers for if not to put bunny ears behind their sister's head when a picture is taken?
Half an inch of ice on every branch - not fun for driving - but super pretty if you can stay warm inside.

Lyman is ever creative.  Here he is proudly displaying the shoulder caps he made for his marching outfit.

Andrew and the kids wrote me a note in the snow - one they knew I would appreciate, "Let it NOT snow"

Ruby occasionally finds time to get a workout on the Wii Fit.


Admittedly not a great photo of myself, but this picture was taken because all three of us were sitting contentedly watching the 6 hr BBC Pride and Prejudice movie.


Monday, February 14, 2011

A life of love notes

[Every year Andy writes me a love note in this book he got me a few years ago on Valentine's Day.  He adds a love note after last year's.  Every year I start with the first year and I read each Valentine's love note until I get to the most recent one.  I love seeing how our love has grown and become more tender and sweet over the years.  This is this year's love note in my Valentine Book.]

Dearest KaraLynne,


The longer I know you and the more people I meet the more I deeply understand how many amazing qualities you have that are so rare and so perfect for our relationship.  I love you more and more as time goes on and as I look back at the previous pages I saw that every year I have the same impression that you just get more and more wonderful with time.


You have bewitched me both body and soul and I love, I love, I love you.
Happy Valentine's Day
Andy
xxxxxx

[Sooo umm, my husband is the best. He even knows to quote Pride and Prejudice for me!]

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Thankful Thursday

I had a fun call to my vanity the other day.  My good friend from Utah met a person (new to her ward) who mentioned seeing her on this blog she likes to read.  Wait for it....its mine!  So someone I don't know reads my blog because she likes to follow it.  She just happened to see a post where I had a picture of this friend that is in her ward now.  So if that girl is reading this... thanks for the celebrity blogger boost - now I can say I have an audience that extends past my Mom and a few other devoted friends and family. Woot!

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

My attic

I've got to put it out there.  I'm thinking that if I do then it might just make it easier for me to process.  It usually works this way for me.  When I have something I'm trying to figure out in my mind and cannot - putting things into words usually helps. 

I find it hard to believe and simply stupid that I still find myself having a hard time living in Ohio.  I feel this is my home.  I cant go so far as to say that I could ever claim to be "from Ohio" but I like living here and I know this is where my family needs to be.  I knew it was the right place for us when we moved and I am glad we are here.  I sincerely hate starting over on things and I think the issue I am having with being here is not so much that I don't like being here but that after all this time I still feel like I am still starting over. I left a lot of really good friends back in Utah who thankfully are still really good friends to me.  I came here and had to make new friends here and I have made a lot of new friends.  However, I still feel as if I am trying to find someone to be my friend - in a way - to need my friendship like I need theirs. 

Its stupid really.  I know a lot of really wonderful people here that I have a really good time with but I cant help but feel a bit lonely now and then.  I misplace this loneliness in feeling frustrated with my move - that really cant be blamed as it was over 2 yrs ago.  It just seems that everyone already has their needs filled.  I realized the other day that I am one of those people who really appreciates a good friend.  One that reciprocates simple gestures.  I feel like a better friend when I am in action.  When I can be of use to someone.  I think I just need someone to need my help or advice on something.  I go to play groups, activities and girls nights with friends here and have a really great time.  Then I go home and tend to my kids, care for my husband and manage the house.  I don't feel needed by anyone of my friends and sometimes (when I am in particularly dismal and self pitying mood) I wonder if my friendship is valued at all.  And of course in my mind I can replace "valued" with "needed" and feel its the same.  I think to myself at these times that all my friends have other friends - and since everyone one needs somebody to vent to or share things with occasionally I must not be the one they go to. 

 The hard part to process is why I am feeling this way.  Its not like I have some void in my home life that makes me feel like I need to seek outside sources of fulfillment in friendships.  I couldn't have asked for a better friend then Andrew.  I also am not complaining about the friendship I have.  I know a lot of really freakishly delightful people to spend time with.  Maybe its as simple as I wish somebody would call me up and say, "KaraLynne Ive had a bad day, do you have a moment to talk about it?"  Then I could be of a service, feel needed and not worry about overstepping some imaginary bound of propriety.

I'm trying really hard here.  I work really hard to try to get to know my friends, to try to be a good friend in return.  Sometimes though it is exhausting and I have to tell myself maybe I am still being impatient and that time is what is needed.  It feels very isolating in the meantime.

I have half a mind to not allow reader comments on this post as I'm not setting out for a pity party or advice.  I just need to clear my mind and process the results.  Typing something out and putting into cyberspace has the therapeutic effect of clearing the attics in my head.  Its almost as if its there, its been said and no matter how disconcerting and vulnerable I would normally feel stating the true feelings of my heart - I can do it without impunity here.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Thankful Thursday

This week we have had a lot of snow and ice.  The weather has been bad enough to prevent Andy from going into work for a little while or having to force him to go home early.  Lyman has had snow days too.  I love the obligation free feeling of being forced to stay home, cozy in my house with my family.  I also love how the snow falls on everything making it blanketed with white.  It makes even the ugliest things like trash cans look beautiful.  I'm not a fan of the cold so if I could just some how make it feel like 70 outside while everything is pure and white then I should think I would be quite happy in the winter.  I am thankful for our little winter storm.  Ill also be quite thankful when spring actually arrives in Ohio though.

I'm not sure if I have memory loss or if perhaps the time space continuum has actually shifted but I only just blinked and when I looked upon my littlest baby she was beginning to look less like a baby to me and more like a little toddler.  I'm not sure how this happened or when. It makes me a bit sad to see her face maturing out of that baby roundness.  I talk to her and all of a sudden she knows what I am saying and is responding.  I ask for kisses and she leans her face into my cheek to bestow open-mouthed pats on my cheek.  If I say "bonk" she leans her head and lets our foreheads touch.  When I ask her where her baby is she toddles off (walking!!!!) to get her baby and bring it back to me.  Then she takes her pacifier out and gives her baby open-mouthed kisses.  When did my time with her as a baby slip from my fingers?  I am thankful though for slobber kisses and bruised foreheads for now.

The other night I was teasing my husband about getting old.  I know we are relatively young but we have been married for nearly 9 years now and I am starting to see glimpses of our lives and futures together - where we really, truly grow old together.  I always anticipated we would grow old together but now I am seeing it happen.  It all started when I saw a picture of my husband from when we were engaged.  He looked so baby faced!  I don't think he really has aged much in his appearance but in that look in his face from that picture I saw all the things he had yet to experience with me.  When I look at him now it isn't so much that he looks old but that he has those memories of us in his eyes.  His look tells a story of 9 yrs and three children.  I remember how silly and young we were.  We haven't really changed but it is fun to see our love mature through tender moments along the way.  Just now as I was sitting collecting my thoughts to continue this post I was caught up in memories and I looked around at my kids playing a few feet away at the table.  I remember how each one added to our family a different element and adjusted our marriage in a new way.  They were all babies once too.  I am most thankful this week to have awakened to the loveliness of what our marriage journey has done to both of us.  I hope a few of my wrinkles and wayward curves tell as much of that loveliness as the grey hairs and eye creases on my husband do.