Thankful Thursday

I am thankful for sleeping babies.

Me = Weirdo

I am one of those weirdos that will laugh out loud - literally bust out choking with laughter while doing relatively sedate tasks like reading.  If I find a passage in a book funny, I don't let out passive ladylike singular chuckles- I often loose it for a few minutes before going back to the book.  My kids and husband stop what they are doing and just stare at me.  Same thing when watching TV or listening to the radio.  What is most embarrassing is when I laugh out loud to one of my own errant thoughts.

I have a weird fascination with the study of body language.  I find it totally engrossing.  One item of universal understanding in body language is when someone rubs their hands together quickly.  It means they are excited or anticipating something exciting.  My dad always does this at the point in the movie or show where he is most hooked into the plot and cant wait for the outcome.  I always thought this was such an endearing part of him.  The other night my husband caught me doing it too.  That makes me smile.

In my head I think there is nothing so romantic as when men and women used to call each other sir and madam and Mr. Rochester and Miss Eyre etc.  Even when they are married.  I tried it the other day and I fumbled out Mr. Mackrory and all I got was a weird look.  Bah- romantic for sure!

On the subject of romance I think the very best romantic scenario (and it is universally every woman's dream) is when it seems a man cant help himself but to fall in love with a woman and she is totally unaware of it.   Like Mr. Darcy and Miss Elizabeth Bennett.  Of course Andrew will be the first to say he was under my spell quite quickly himself.  As it were, "I cannot fix on the hour, or the look, or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun." P&P.

I take profuse pleasure in tax season.  I think in another life I could have been an accountant.  I love crunching the numbers, checking the figures and finding every last bit of detail to maximize our tax return.  It is satisfying in a very cruel way to feel so nerdy and like it.

Thankful Thursday

I have a secret. In the mornings when I am laying bed and I hear little footsteps coming into my room I pretend to keep sleeping as a silently slide my arm across the bed to Andrew's empty space (he has already left for work).  Moments later a small body climbs into bed on that side and finding my hand, slips its own hand into mine.  I lay there pretending to sleep as I listen to the irregular rhythms of the the small body's breathing.  The little body is my 6 yr old son who like me says nothing about our little moment of holding hands.  He lays there occasionally holding his breath and then releasing it.  I listen and for a moment I can see the situation for what it is.  In my minds eye I can see him growing everyday bigger and less needful of me.  Just like that little body, I figuratively breath irregularly and hold my breath at times as I anticipate the day when he figures out that his Mom isn't his best girl or the only girl that isn't gross to him.  Sisters and friends at school that are girls are gross.  Mom isn't.  I am thankful for that and until that day comes I will continue to sneak my arm across to strategically place it where he will find it and place his hand in mine.

My nephew calls me sometimes.  He calls and says "hey I've got something fun to tell you, get on skype" - I laugh like I'm 12 and run to the computer to turn it on.  He is 18 now and in his second semester of college at BYU.  Talking to him brings me back to the coursework, roommates and daily life of college.  Hearing his funny stories of the girls, friends and shenanigans he gets in to keeps me feeling young.  I love talking to him because he is one of my good friends.  With us there is no generation gap.  Last night he had a personal narrative to read me that he wrote for one of his classes.  It was laughably similar to the silly "video diaries" we do with each other over skype.  Looking into the camera we make up silly stories of trial and personal anguish for as long as we can manage it before the other person's face makes us laugh.  I am thankful for family.

I'm a hopeless romantic.  I have often had in my mind how it would be romantic to read a book to my husband.  One with humor, intrigue and of course a bit of love.  I imagine us laughing at funny parts as we go through the story and I imagine the way Andrew's face would light up as he tried to figure out what is going to happen next in the plot.  I convinced him last night to let me try this.  I chose a book and started reading.  It was a quiet and serene hour and as my voice caught the rhythm of the book and the words sputtered out without hiccups the moment was just as I had hoped it would be.  I am thankful for a husband who will try new things with me and who if I dare say is just as hopeless and just as romantic as I am.

Thankful Thursday

I am thankful to be able to see the future.

Allow me to explain.  Yesterday I had a great conversation with Lyman who is 6 and in kindergarten.  We were eating lunch and I was sitting across from him.  I started to ask him various questions about his kindergarten class.  How big, how many girls or boys, etc.  I asked him if there were any girls in his class that he thought were cute.  He squinted his eyes and looking to the side gave a grimace as he gave a no.  It was funny to see that the idea was kind of gross to him.  I laughed as his face told more than his words and thought how funny it was to see how he thought girls were gross.  So I teased him, saying something to the effect of how that was good because you shouldn't really get married until you are in the 1st grade.

The burst of laughter and mirth that bubbled up from him nearly made him fall out of his chair.  What a ridiculous idea!  I could not help but laugh too as his was contagious.  I was hooked.  I kept teasing him with questions about each grade higher for a few minutes producing each a new wave of giggles and shaking his head at my craziness. 

I looked at him with a smile on my face thinking if only I could have captured this on video too because in 10 years he will have quite a different opinion on whether or not girls are gross.  I could see the future in that moment.  I could feel what it might feel like for him to have his little heart pricked with the first inklings of love and admiration of a girl.  I wondered who this girl would be to be the first to waken his heart.  It was one of those moments you get as a mom where you suddenly see their future for a brief second and you cant help but be excited for them.  If I were to tell him that in a few years he would be singing a different tune he would have laughed at me again.  I love knowing these little bits of truths about his future and seeing him discover them himself.  However, I do have to say for now (after briefly considering he will find them physically attractive too) I am glad that he still thinks girls are gross.

I have a dream...

This morning I had a wonderful moment with my son.  It started when I mentioned to him that he didn't have school next Monday.  He asked why not and I replied that it was a holiday.  He wondered which holiday it was and so I told him it was Martin Luther King Jr Day.  This gave me the chance to explain the story of that great man and what kind of a country the US was back then to people of his race.  I was able to explain what a great example he was of love, acceptance and peace towards people who didn't like them.  I was able to teach him about how the country began to change and how people learned to think better.  It was a moment of pride in my country and the progress we have made as well as a wonderful moment to teach my child acceptance and love for all people.  God bless the USA.

Thankful Thursday!

While I was getting ready for the day today ( I know shocking - I some times do get myself ready for the day) I was thinking about what I wanted to put on the blog for today's post.  The idea came to me and I am most indeed grateful for this.

As many of my friends know, the thing I love most about having a little baby is the nursing.  I could skip the pregnancy before I would even skip the labor but in the end what I am looking forward to is the nursing.  I have always wanted to nurse my kids.  I remember being in a room with my sister when I was just 16 while she nursed my nephew.  I asked her about it and I could see the tenderness in the moment.  I thought, I really hope I get to nurse my kids.

With Lyman I could not nurse very long.  He had a huge overbite which made nursing tiresome for his jaw.  With Corilynn I got what I wanted.  I nursed her for a long time and it was every bit as tender as I had hoped it would be.   It is my reward for subjecting myself to the daily vomiting and achiness of pregnancy.   It is the reward I get for 9 months of it.  I have nursed through cracking, tearing and bleeding nipples.  Those moments, though excruciating were nothing to the sweetness of holding my baby and seeing them snuggle up to me and smile and pat my face while I nursed them. 

With Ruby I struggled to keep any kind of milk supply from about 4 months on.  It was devastating to me to think I may not get to nurse her as long as I wanted.  I prayed so very hard for this blessing.  I new it wasn't something that I needed so much as desperately wanted.  I took buckets of herbal supplements and my milk came back.  It was a blessing given to me because of the faith I placed in the promise given to us in the scriptures that if we ask in faith, for our righteous desires, he will grant them to us.  This was a righteous desire of my heart.  I prayed to be able to nurse at least to 6 month.  I didn't think I could ask Him of much more since I felt it was my selfish wish.  I was grateful daily for the blessing of being able to continue to nurse Ruby.  At 6 months, I was still greedy for more and I kept praying for longer - if only He could grant me just another couple of months.  And this went on - each day feeling like I was on borrowed time and knowing that this was a special tender mercy and blessing from the Lord.  As she grew I wished to be able to at least nurse her to 12 months.  I would not ask for more and I knew that I was ok with that. 

Today I am thankful for this blessing.  This blessing that has not only given me the chance to have a beautiful 12 months with my daughter but also many many faith building moments in prayer and supplication.  I am thankful for a kind Heavenly Father who knows what blessings to give us and who is so generous in bestowing his love and comfort during difficult times.  My whole life I have struggled with asking the Lord for the things that I desire most.  Simply because I wanted His will to be done and not my own.  I have had little faith that the desires of my heart could in fact be in line with His will at times.  I figure if I do not get a blessing that I desire then it will turn out for the better anyway because it has been my experience that His way is always better.  Because of this I have usually decided not to ask at all.  This has been the first time I have put faith behind my pleadings to have this blessing.  Faith that he could and would grant me this blessing.  In 20 years when my kids turn through the books of this blog (I print them each year), I hope they will read this passage and remember that God loves them and will hear the desires of their heart and bless them if they will but ask.  I hope they see the faults of their mother in the shakiness of her faith at times.  I hope it strengthens them in their own faith.