It was a very painful wake up call from another animation instructor. An issue that I had run away for about 2 years plus. When everyone talks about animation to me and mentioned to me that I should get out of here to do animation, I choose to ignore but down inside my mind, I was literally crying my heart out. Even my own professor whom I choose to ignore his advice for very long, I bet he must have been very annoyed that I did not hear his advice time to time, again and again despite him telling me to leave.

 Now, I am very certain that my goal is right in front of me, and I should go for it. To go for people whom believe in me right from the beginning.

Call me stubborn... every shit that I had. Being the unintelligent person in the family. Getting all the funny hralth and skin problem which just doesn't want to go away. Warning me of the consequences of working in the animation industry for a long period of time and staying at home is just as shitty as ever. Being childish, whatever you may want to call me. Hello?!? Being unintelligent is that my fault? Being looked down by others is that my problem? Not be able to study but draw, hello I wish it wasn't the case?!? Being childish?!? Then don't act like one in front of me, what for you do that? Being a frog in the well. Then why have such a kid like me?

Awesome! Ubisoft have rejected my application after interviews and test. After burning a few nights of my time trying to do the test. Well, at least I tried and it failed due to what? "Skillset does not match the requirement of the job." Pretty curious what happened behind the scene. So I can animate to impress people but my skill set does not match the requirement. Maybe I am too honest about things or I just don't know how to bluff my way through because I don't like games.

Why would I not be surprised? But please don't make me do tests during the weekdays when I am working. Ya... You may think yeah why not take mc or something to take the test. Think about this! If I do this thing to my current company, what makes you think that I wouldn't do it in the next and the subsequent companies that I will head into. I have the obligation to finish what I have to do in the company before anything else.

But anyway... I am freed. To recuperate again. It's getting onto my nerves that it's coming back and going away as if it likes. Probably look for something else to do if it allows. Life is so interesting... >D

Finding myself stuck in a situation. Looks like my skin is going back to the usual situation. Recently, have been finding myself being emotionally unstable again, especially worrying, angry, pissed at things that I should not be. On rare days, I will find myself being happy by not worrying about work. But most of the days, I find myself scratching, sighing all days. With the usual flares, the sudden bumps coming out and going. I think I am going crazy.

Now, food is not the main trigger of the whole situation. But rather anxiety at work is the high possibility that keep triggering my illness. I should probably go back to band to relax and see if situation would make things for the better.

It might be time to go and look for other potential job opportunities...

Last year was a great year, I can say probably a smooth yet a boring year. It's just about focusing on work and nothing else.

This year, is probably one of the tough year for me. You could probably say I am having some kind of bad luck due to health issue. Yes, very long list of leaves, mcs, I am somewhat breaking the longest record in the company. Many body ache, pains, torture physically, emotionally stressed up, the desperation to recover. People who never experience it will never know. People who say a lot doesn't know how it feels to be under the kind of situation. Yes, I get a lot of nagging, a lot of persuasion to continue applying medication. But I know medication will not help anymore since I have already used so much.

And Yes, I survived through these few months. With everyone who helped me get through this ordeal. Probably, my mum had the toughest time to take care of me while she is sick too. Had to keep telling myself I have to be mentally strong to believe that I will recover no matter what, it is just the matter of time. To keep yourself away from scratching is simply impossible.

Well, with such bad luck came many other opportunities. To be able to work for my lecturer for a short period of time, was happy that he appreciates my work even though it may not be that fantastic. To be able to play in concert band after a year of not practicing my instrument. Rusty but it got back after a few tries. I am really happy that I did what i enjoyed in the past.

Tough industry indeed. As contrary to what my lecturer said, to be able to break through the second door is indeed harder than I thought. Maybe I am just not the candidate they want, or they just don't have any openings for this year. I should stop thinking about it and let things come naturally. Maybe it will come as a surprise one day. Till then, I shall continue to wait and work hard to improve myself! :D