No, my husband is not a wearer of sweaters. Not really. He has four or five fine sweaters, wool and cotton, cabled, plain, and fair isle—all pullovers.
Nonetheless, he whined and hinted as husbands who do not wear sweaters are wont to do when copious knitting occurs within their living space.
So finally, finally I gave in and made him a sweater.
(The dark circle around this pic is because the flash could only travel so far. I was standing on my tippy-toes to get the entire man-sweater in the shot.)
Okay, so sure, I used Lamb’s Pride, a good, hearty wool not some über-expensive alpaca or cashmere or the like. And I made a cardigan so he could button or unbutton at will.
I carefully took his measurements, and armed with a sweater that fit him, went to my then LYS where the owner created a custom fit pattern for me, and I carefully and lovingly picked out and special ordered the yarn.
Okay, so when the yarn came in and it was the wrong shade of green, I didn’t complain even though the special order slip clearly stated a different, more subtle shade of green. I took my yarn home, asked if he would wear a sweater in this color, which was clearly not the color on the special order slip, got the approval, cast on, and began to knit a cardigan for my man, a tall guy, with big, broad shoulders.
Mind you, I HATE knitting on two needles or NOT in the round. I also HATE seaming or making up knitted work. I believe in Maggie Righetti and EZ’s ideas about knitting in the round. I worked on this sweater when I was in grad school and could have been using my time for other things, like writing or knitting for me.
I worked on this sweater a lot because a cardigan for a tall guy, with big, broad shoulders made in boring, yes, boring stockinette stich, takes a bit of time when you are NOT a production knitter, when you are actually quite a SLOW knitter. I worked on this sweater in between other things, like finishing my thesis, and looking for a job, and teaching at two colleges on three different campuses as an adjunct.
See, professionally seamed (outside):
You can't even tell where the side seam is. Sure, you can see where the sleeve seam MIGHT be because of the decreases, but you can't SEE the seam. Don't take my word for it, look closer:
There aren't any lose ends. None. Every end was woven in ~ not left to mash about and hopefully felt with wear (inside):
When this sweater was finally finished and made up with the most painstaking care and attention to finishing, a thing I HATE about knitting, and all the ends were woven in and carefully clipped, and it fit, yes the sleeves were long enough but not too long; the v-neck was deep enough but not too deep; the length was long enough but not too long; the buttonhole placket didn’t hang over the bottom of the ribbing or pull-up on the ribbing, and the knit buttonholes were spaced exactly right for the perfect number of buttons and for the type of button he picked out from the dozens I brought home, when this sweater was finally finished, I was happy, gratified even, that he did wear it.
But, I ask you, does it belong here?
Or here?
Alright, I am a bit obsessive compulsive.
How many knitters aren’t?
Even if you have more yarn in your stash than you could possibly knit in two lifetimes, when you read someone’s blog and see an absolutely breathtaking shawl or a cute pair of socks or a sweater that can only be imagined, and you read about this pattern on so-and-so’s blog from last month’s knitty or the winter IK or even better, a free one by your favorite designer, and you hear about the butter-like yarn and how WONDERFUL it is to knit with, no knots, no splittyness, and it makes up like a dream, and after it is soaked in a no-rinse woolwash and blocked and dried and then tried on it actually fits, not just okay, but it fits well, and doesn’t make your arse look like you have been sampling all the Christmas cookies and fudge you made for work and your kid’s classmates and the choir at church, and how the UPS guy brings said yarn right to your doorstep and drops it off in a mad rush as he scurries through the neighborhood to drop off other packages full of already knit – gifted sweaters and Christmas CDs and DVDs from amazon.com and pop guns and bicycles, roller skates, and drums, checkerboards, tricycles, popcorn, and plums, you think to yourself, “I gotta get me some of that.”
You of course think to yourself you simply CANNOT buy any more yarn, at least not this year. But that resolve lasts for a full 15 seconds before you track down the vendor for the yarn and the pattern and place the order online.
Then you sit home next to the living room window all day, glancing impatiently down the street, waiting for the appearance of the truck.
During all of this glancing and cocking of ears toward the window you find yourself getting distracted enough from your knitting on the Fir Cone scarf (a pattern that you could knit from memory in your sleep) distracted enough that you have to frog back four rows because you started the yarn over above the wrong stitch when you thought you heard the truck, but it turned out to be your neighbor’s kid’s old clunker.
You spend the day glued to the window, getting up only to check the UPS website to assure yourself that yes, the package from Schoolhouse Press is indeed on its way; it is OUT FOR DELIVERY; it will, yes, without a doubt, it will be here today as promised; it was en-route early this morning — early at 3:00 a.m., and it will soon, soon be here.
Then suddenly you hear what absolutely has to be the truck, and the UPS guy runs up the steps to your porch, pulls open your front door, and throws a brown, cardboard package into the foyer because of course you have been waiting for him all day with the front door open even though it is, quite obviously, winter, the middle of December, really just a day before the Winter Solstice, so truly, it is winter.
And just as quickly he bolts back down the steps, the driveway, and up to his truck, where he rummages through some boxes and fandangles, and he pushes away some hoozlers and bangles, and you wait with bated breath because, no, this brown package is NOT, no it is NOT from Schoolhouse Press, but another press, a textbook for next semester.
So NO, this is NOT what you are waiting for or interested in; this is NOT the package with your Christmas present, your yarn and patterns; no UPS guy, this is NOT what the UPS tracker says is coming today.
But he jumps in the truck and just drives away.
You run, alarmed and scared now, back to the computer, to the UPS tracking site, and yes, everything is going to be okay because, yes, the package is still on its way, just coming from some other UPS guy who obviously delivers packages that are express in nature, and yes, your husband even assures you of this ~ this must be the case, and later today you WILL get your yarn because the UPS tracking system says so.
But now it is 6:45 p.m., and although this isn’t terribly late for a UPS guy to deliver during this time of year, it is dark, and you stand on the porch with your ears tilting each way, straining for the sound of a truck through the rush hour traffic, pretending to the neighbors you are just enjoying the Christmas lights and decorations, while you scan the street for a sign of the truck, but it’s nowhere to be seen or heard.
So you hang your head low and go back inside to check the UPS site again, and now, now the UPS site says
Exception See description below in the status line.
Now your heart races, and your brow furrows as you scroll down the UPS tracking system, mouse hand shaking, to see the location of your brown cardboard box from Schoolhouse Press, and now, now the location line says THE PACKAGE WAS MISSED AT THE UPS FACILITY, UPS WILL DELIVER ON THE NEXT BUSINESS DAY THE SHIPMENT WAS MISROUTED AND DELAYED BY GROUND TRANSPORTATION; DELIVERY RESCHEDULED.
Now your eyes well up with tears, and you curse the day UPS invented the tracking system, and you curse those tech guys who invented email and the Internet and online shopping and UPS shipping and knitting blogs that all seem to exist to feed your compulsion to. get. more. yarn. !!!!!!
