BOXES....

It's amazing how we collect so many things in our life. Some things are ever so tiny and some huge. Everytime we travel to a new home, we carefully take these precious items along with us. I have done this all my life. I guarded them from chips and cracks yet never realized that these little memories meant nothing to others. They accumulated money value ,in some cases, but nothing huge. So find the right boxes and mark the outside with instructions as to who it should go to and start the filling.

For me it was possibly silly things. A granddaughters favorite baby shoes or a small vase my great-grandmother painted. One by one they make their way to the boxes.The odd part is, I have carried some of these with me for sixty five years or more and they are in better shape than me.....no nicks chips or cracks. I am hoping that someday my grandchildren feel that special tingle in their fingers when they touch something so very old and are able to let it tell it's story for the next hundred years.
Here I am learning what it is to be OLD. My kids generation have to much to do to listen to a silly old ladys jabber and carrying on. My grandkids know I feel they have a lack of needed respect for someone who has been through so much but I do realize that many of those things are no longer important in this world.Unless you are a history major, things I might want to tell you are not important in any way.
Where does love fit into the scheme of these things? What box do you open at thirty and know love will pour out? Will you understand how much just holding that pair of shoes made me smile and sometimes cry? When I finally am put in a box with instructions on the side, will that be a precious moment or mean nothing? If the world is still here in seventy years, will someone remember me with good thoughts and remember me well enough to say,"but gramma said"....and look in those boxes and smile? Just remember at whatever year those boxes are opened, this crazy lady loved you one and all......love always Pokie

  

Happy Thanksgiving

The wonders that invade my life never stop amazing me. All day yesterday I was thinking of all the things I have to be thankful for. The experiences and people I have met along the way. The memories that never fade and though some people change and you find you no longer fit in their life, you still have those birth memories....The ones you take to heaven with you. One is my grandkids Haley, Brendan, Katlin, Trey, Ayden and Amelia. Another is all the special times we spent together just being ourselves. Another is my very close friends who taught me survival at all cost. MY KIDS, Heidi, Matt and Ginny, each special in there own way.....strong but with huge hearts. Gone from my daily life but leaving me surrounded with thoughts of their early years when it was just us, surviving. And then I opened blogger to find 30,000 people have read my writings in the least years. 30,000 hits gives each person in my little town of 15,000 two chances to feel my thoughts twice and try to figure me out.
For all this I am thankful and will continue to be so....amen.  Love Pokie 

I AM TOUGH.....

I spent the evening last night watching a documentary on Franklin D. Roosevelt and his very special wife. I needed their words of wisdom to give me a push  but I still can't figure out if the push was suppose to be towards or  away from reality. FDR once said "the worst thing about fear was fear itself." and someone else mentioned that if fear set in "THEY" had won. It's so odd that I have no fear of dying yet would be scared to death to drive into St. Louis, alone or with family. I use to have no problem driving in the dark on the interstate to get to Cape before dawn. I would stop and get coffee and never give it another thought but now have even changed my doctors to this side of the river to keep from having me and my family in the Forest Park area and Barnes Jewish even though the best doctors in the world are there.
I was in the hippy era in the mid sixties and have lived and endured all the misconceptions of women. All I knew at sixteen was what men said was true just like everything my dad said was true and women were mainly raised to cook, clean and serve. It took many years to claim my space in life but so many things never changed. I remember telling someone early on "Don't fall in love with me. I will only hurt you." How sad. I was only seventeen. I moved on in life and possibly never really knew what love really was but one thing I found to be true. What I learned, I learned well and God was always there beside me and with a plan or I would not be here today with a smile.
I have endured countless illnesses and surgeries, especially in the last two years. Through it all my son has stayed by my side and is always there on the other side. He has a huge heart and my being ill cuts him like a knife. Thank you  Lord for bringing him his wife and two beautiful children. because the possibility of their hugs has kept him going. As I said, he is an awesome son and as a father, there are few who could beat him.
Well I have exposed myself enough to the world and I will endure another session of the evening news and all will progress on for good or bad, but I am from southeast Missouri and I AM TOUGH.....love ya, Pokie.

WHEN YOU STUMBLE, MAKE IT PART OF THE DANCE......

 Lord knows I have stumbled a lot. But in that stumbling around I have danced, and danced and danced. Now, as I look back, I wish I had not taken my dancing for granted. Humans are sure blessed with huge amounts of wisdom in old age. Wisdom that would have been very handy in youth. One could bypass so much pain but how would wef learn that the world is never always a field of roses. I wasn't born into financial ease, but I never seemed to go without. My parents never went to church but my dad father "Grampa Mac" never missed a Sunday and I was right there beside him in the same pew every week.  He had a piece of candy for every child who came by and a handshake for every parent or grandparent. Those happy times went on all the way through high school.

My grandfather was a Democrat and my grandmother was a Republican. It was NEVER discussed in front of the kids, but when election day came, they dressed in their Sunday best and he headed out the front door and she did likewise but called a cab and went by herself. I heard they never acknowledged each other at the poll, just voted and left. You see why I am able to dance so well? I am made of strong stuff.

Another dance theme is the rush to fill the Thanksgiving table so all my relatives on my dad's side could feast all day and take leftovers home. Weeks before my grandfather and dad would start going to shooting matches Friday and Saturday nights in hopes of getting the best board and with that getting to take the biggest live turkey home for the big day. All the men I grew up around had guns for hunting and were very good shots as were my dad and grampa. They would win and bring that big boy home and tie him up to the cloths line to wait for killing and dressing the following week. That is a whole different story.....One that would let you know that turkeys can dance with no head....REALLY.

So you see I can still let the memories dance in my mind even though my ability to stumble is ever increasing. Well dance as best you can un til the next of my ramblings.... love ya, pokie

Me and the park bench.....

When you are feeling bad and the pain is coming on strong, stop and look around. Stop and go to a public place and sit and watch the other world go by. They are often hurting more than you. They often have severe thoughts going through there heads that only them can understand. They may believe they cannot survive another day alone. Some wonder if they survive this day, where will the money for tomorrow come from?
Has it become all about money, rank and fame? I have known people who grew up on dirt floors and ended up millionaires and were probably happier on the dirt floors. My great grandmother lived  and raised her family in a farm house north of Cape Girardeau, Missouri that had dirt floors but her prized possession was an old pump organ which was on a pallet to protect the bottom. She played it nightly till she died. She went through two wars with the help of that organ, never looking back but  looking ahead and always with her faith and smile spurring her on.
Why are families so easily thrown away? You are only given one basic design to build on or take apart. In that family, no matter the size are different makeups and personalities, colors and ages, faiths and hopes, Just because one is different from the next does not mean you should turn your back on them.
The world is Our Big Family, Why are we doing these things to each other? Why are we promoting the pain.
While sitting on that park bench the next time, smile at each passerby, wish them a good day. If you have no money to contribute to a cause, donate your time and if you cannot walk, donate your prayers.. Send your love ....pokie

EVERYBODY CRIES SOMETIME

Where does my brain want to travel today? Away from the TV would be good. Even my reliable channels like PBS and National Geo cannot hold my attention span. I am in a state of grief non stop now. and I have to stay away from down affects, BUT they are everywhere. Being a seventy year old and pretty much at the mercy of the world, all I have is my Lord. There is no such thing as a family gathering, anymore. Everyone has another place to be, another person to talk to, another dime to make or spend. Yes you are right. I feel so sorry for myself today. Why does old age have to be so NO FUN?
Since the heart surgery, I can lift almost nothing and standing for any length of time is not much fun. So moving furniture around is impossible yet I never lay down on the couch without thinking this would look better there. I would love to take a slow drive back to Cape, my home town, but my vision is not good and safety might not be covered. The social media has lost it's glow in my heart, but I still pop in and out and continue not to find the depth I crave. Tonight I am going back to Patienslikeme.com for the first time in a long time. I know it has changed to fit the younger bunch. I guess my basic thought is WOW how boring is this? I talked to an old friend two or three days ago by phone and mentioned that I was never able to post sadness, always upbeat thoughts and that was giving me trouble now and she said "Pokie now is is your time to be cheered. up. Is there a cheered up place in the world today? Church isn't even safe.
I pray today for Texas and it's people. I pray for all the victims and relatives of all the shootings. I pray for Puerto Rico and all people just getting by. Hold on to your families with all your heart and remember the old hippy song....Everybody has to cry sometime. At this point in time I cannot solve anything or change the past or make anyone love me more or again. All I can do is smile at the future in heaven....love you all pokie