Maybe It Isn't As Bad As We're Being Told

Things aren't what they seem. Always question the official narrative. Who are the people in charge, the "authorities" we must all follow without question? Who benefits here? Follow the money. Follow the power.

This woman is truly amazing. Watch her previous videos on this subject. She'll show you the key players and where they come from and how astonishingly intertwined they all seem to be.

Also this, from another excellent citizen journalist:

And remember: the CIA termed the coin "conspiracy theorist" to mock anyone who questions the official narrative. If you never question the official narrative, you're a goose just waiting to be plucked. Better to be a conspiracy theorist than to end up as dinner. A few questions never hurt.

Maybe I'm a Little Too Relaxed

The enforced isolation begins to pall, but only slightly. I wish I could go to the library.

I upped my piano practice to five hours today and ate too many gummy bears (unrelated events). At this point in the shut-down, I have watched the entire six hours of Pride and Prejudice--the one with Colin Firth and Jennifer Ehle; many episodes of Anna Detective, The Simpsons, Boys Over Flowers, and numerous required driver training and Safe Schools videos.

We had Thai food for lunch today in an effort to support my desire not to cook support our local restaurants.

I went several times to go and clean my bus over the past couple weeks, but it was missing every time. Inquiries at the office yielded only confused shrugs, and the mechanics have been keeping their door locked (or they saw me coming). I was starting to worry my bus had been stolen and no one noticed. But it turns out that the mechanics do have it. Whew! And Boss Man said I can clean it next week and still get credit.

Little Gary has been very cuddly. He's like a long, lanky dog that used to fit so well in your lap and still thinks he belongs there, even though he's now way too large. Little Gary's and Joseph's schedules haven't changed because they were homeschooled already, so the shutdown hasn't been too difficult for them (the earthquake and the noticeable aftershocks have done a lot more damage to Little Gary's psyche than anything else), but I've seen a lot more of Elannah and Sophia. Sophia got another job a day before the school district finally sent out an email yesterday stating they would pay substitute teachers during the shutdown, but I think it was an announcement that came too late. The district was already struggling to get and keep enough subs, and not making this decision a couple weeks ago won't help them retain many of the subs they did have.

One of my preschoolers sent me a Polo yesterday because she missed me. Awww! I sent her one back.

I'm gonna be honest: I'm pretty relaxed and I'm not minding it. I love that I don't have to watch the clock or set alarms or stress about so many things that it turns out were superfluous.

I do need to get outside more.

I hope things are going well with you and yours. If I can offer any advice as a parent who has gone through years of various iterations of homeschooling, it's this: quit trying to make home into a school classroom. Quit doing conveyor-belt teaching (Math at 8am for an hour; Social Studies at 9am for an hour; lunch; etc.). You'll only stress yourself and your kids out. Let things relax, and then find natural teaching moments. Encourage fun ways of learning about things they are already interested in. Little Gary has been using a mapping program for months now because he loves history so much that he's been fighting all of the world wars in different configurations by imagining what would happen if different countries had made different decisions. He is very knowledgeable about the history of wars, but if I forced him to read a dry textbook and memorize dates, he'd probably hate history entirely. He will often regale me with facts about various conflicts, and they're usually things I did not know at all.

So let them sleep in a bit and engage in extra play, but make them help you cook and clean. Those are also learning experiences. Who cares if your kids know all the steps of mitosis if, when they're old enough to move out, they can't boil water or do their own laundry or sweep the floors? Or change a tire or check the oil? Or use a lawn mower?

I'm done talking now. I think I'll wander down to the kitchen and figure out what I'm cooking for dinner. Or not. I might make the kids cook tonight.

Coloner Virus

Xi Jingplague.

CCP Virus.

Kung Flu.

I'm dying. No, I'm laughing, but I'm just trying to be hip.

I attribute my ongoing health to copious consumption of Diet Ginger and Lime Coke, which flushes away any virus from my throat and down my gullet, where my killer stomach acids shred it to pieces. I'm also sleeping and waking whenever I want to, which means that my night owl tendencies keep me up until midnight or 1am and then I wake up around 8:30 or 9. No need to turn on the alarm, which makes me ecstatically happy. None of us feels the urge to go do fun, expensive things outside the house. If it weren't for the economic catastrophe looming on the horizon, I would think this was the ideal vacation.

A sampling of the crochet flower patterns I've been experimenting with using various yarn weights.

I am annoyed with social media, however, so I think I'm just going to stay away from that. Too many people online seem to be suddenly very self-righteous, more-so than usual. I'm seeing multiple memes about how people going to the grocery store are selfish, greedy, murderers (except the people who post the memes, of course, because the implication is that if they go to the grocery store, it's only for things they really need.). People I like and respect are getting shrill about seeing people driving in cars (look, Susan, people still have to work if they want to eat and pay the mortgage!) or walking down the street in family groups (hello! sunshine is one of the best disinfectants known to man!).

One of my former bus driver colleagues, who has since moved to the East Coast, has been hitting me up in my Facebook messages with what I can only describe as heavy flirtation. What?? I hardly ever spoke to the man when he was here. Maybe this chunky middle-aged woman schtick I'm rocking is really doing it for some people during this time of chaos and confusion. Fat chicks have more access to food, which means they're more resourceful or rich? Is that the attraction?

We're all getting a little cray-cray.

I still want to like people, and I've always found that is only possible when I limit my social media intake. If I was ever given the power to read others' minds, I am sure I would find it to be the ultimate curse, and social media is where people come the closest to allowing others to read their minds. Heck, here I am telling you, dear reader, stuff that's going through my head--though, in my defense, I share absolutely none of this on social media, and I expect no one to read it. Or care about it.

I made two infinity scarves. I made the blue one first out of worsted weight and then wore it out and about a few weeks ago, and a lady I am acquainted with at the gas station loved it and said she'd like a pink one, so I made her a pink one out of soft acrylic, but I haven't seen her since. I had a lonely single pearl earring hanging around, so I attached that to the center of the blue flower. I have a pearl bracelet I never use, so I'm going to take that apart and use a pearl from that for the center of the pink flower.

Husband and I had a conversation this morning about whether or not it is cowardice to keep your thoughts to yourself. When I say it out loud, it sounds ridiculous to think that being circumspect in what you say is equal to cowardice, though I can think of many situations where failing to stand up to speak or act would be an act of cowardice. But not sharing everything passing through your head is not a sign of cowardice. This brave new world of social media has warped the definition of what personal thoughts are essential to share with others. These days, it seems that if you don't share your opinion about everything, you are not "owning your truth," or some such nonsense, which is like saying that your opinion on any subject is worthy of merit, which it patently isn't unless you have serious knowledge and truth on your side--and even then, we humans are constantly finding out how wrong we are about things. Ironically, the more you know, the more you realize you don't know, so the truly educated will, in most instances, refrain from jumping to quick conclusions and spouting off about anything and everything via social media.

Which is not to say I'm guiltless of jumping to quick conclusions. I'm just thinking out loud here, not trying to make myself look like a paragon of thought virtue. This is another reason I keep Husband around: not only is he a lot of fun, but he is a very rational and logical thinker to counter my more chaotic bursts of insight.

Still feeling aftershocks from the big earthquake last week. Little Gary is finally sleeping in his bed again, so I've instructed everyone else in the house to avoid the subject.

Sophia agreed to be my model for the infinity scarf because I sure as heck wasn't going to be the model. Isn't she lovely?

Sylvia's Flan

I've never loved flan--too eggy!--but then Elannah came home a few months ago from her former job at the hospital cafeteria with the creamiest, most decadent flan I've ever tasted. It's almost like crème brûlée, which is a dessert I have yet to master.

Elannah has mastered this dish with a recipe given to her by one of her former coworkers, which is pretty close to every flan recipe I've ever seen except it includes cream cheese. I've made a couple tweaks to it, but this is a flan everyone can love: not too eggy, dreamily creamy, and covered in golden caramel.

Sylvia's Flan

Caramel syrup:
1 cup white sugar
1/4 water
1/4 tsp lemon juice

Custard:
8 oz cream cheese, softened
4 eggs
1 can sweetened condensed milk
1 can evaporated milk
2 tsp vanilla extract


Instructions:
1. Preheat oven to 350 deg. F.
2. Prepare the pans for the flan: set a smaller pan (about 9 x 9 capacity, or four or five small ramekins) inside a larger pan with high sides to create a water bath.
3. Mix together and then heat the sugar, water, and lemon juice in a heavy-bottomed saucepan on medium-high until sugar syrup boils. Do not stir after it boils. Watch carefully: as soon as the syrup reaches the color of a new copper penny, remove from heat and pour into the bottom of the flan pan or ramekins, swirling the caramel to coat the bottom. Careful! Hot sugar sticks and burns like nobody's business if it gets on your skin!
4. In a stand mixer or with a hand mixer, beat softened cream cheese and then add one egg at a time, incorporating each egg thoroughly before adding the next, scraping down the bowl as needed. Then add the sweetened condensed milk, evaporated milk, and vanilla, and mix on medium-high until the mixture is light and frothy. 
5. Pour the flan mixture over the caramel in the pan.
6. Add boiling or very hot water to the outer pan to a depth of 1 to 2 inches, and then set the pans in the oven.
7. Check flan after one hour. It should barely jiggle. Test doneness by inserting a knife or toothpick into the custard. If it comes out mostly clean, it's done.
8. Remove the flan from the oven and run a knife around the edges to loosen the custard. Let cool for 5 or 10 minutes. Set the flan into the fridge and cool for 1 to 3 hours. Invert the custard(s) onto a serving plate and serve. 

I read that you can substitute a can of coconut cream for the can of sweetened condensed milk. I would add a pinch of ground cardamom to the custard mixture, as well. I don't know how many people like ground cardamom, but I absolutely love the exotic taste and fragrance ground cardamom imparts to a dish, especially when paired with coconut.

You can also melt 1/3 to 1/2 cup of chocolate and add it to the milks before adding it to the cream cheese and eggs mixture, making sure to cool the chocolate mixture slightly first so that you don't cook the eggs. I would imagine a flavored chocolate, a dark chocolate, or a chocolate with hot pepper in it would be very interesting.

I'll be trying these tweaks over the next few weeks. The school shutdown has now been extended to May 1st. The problem is that I might just come out of this whole debacle a lot fatter than I went in.

I Have My Suspicions

Last night, my MIL, who is a home health worker for seniors, heard a tale from one of her clients that gave her pause. As soon as she got home, she called up my husband and passed along her worry.

The rumor was this: her client has a friend who lives on the East Coast and has a high position in the government. This person said that the president was going to declare martial law within the next twenty-four hours in order to halt the spread of the virus. All non-essential businesses and banks would be forced by government edict to close.

Now, we had absolutely no clue how valid that information was. Who is the person who said this? What position do they actually have in the government, if any? It could be an entire fabrication or it could have a kernel of truth. We didn't know. But what if it actually did happen? MIL would not have passed this along if she saw any reason why her client had dementia or other memory-related diseases.

There were a few precautions we could take that would be a good idea in any case and wouldn't equal a panic on our part. Therefore, we determined to make sure the vehicles were topped up with fuel, we had a little more cash money at home, and we had enough food. We've already got food in the pantry, fridge, and freezers (and no, we didn't panic-buy. I saw this coming a while ago--before everyone went nuts and before schools were closed--so I'd been quietly stocking up on essentials, including toilet paper, though I only bought our usual restocking amount of TP), but we wanted to replace some of the items we've used, so we ran to the gas station, the store, and the bank. We also called our kids and my parents and said, "Look, this is what we've heard, and we have no idea how credible this information is--if it's even credible at all--but this is what we're doing. Just wanted to give you a heads up." They were grateful. All of them headed out into the night to get fuel and cash, but they didn't make it to the stores before they closed, since they're all closing early these days. I'm assuming they have managed to get to the grocery stores this morning.

After we got back home, and while we were watching Boys Over Flowers with Elannah (much to Little Gary's great disgust), we kept checking the news. We noticed that California, Pennsylvania, and New York were enacting versions of lockdowns. It felt like we were a little validated, even if I have yet to hear news of a federal declaration of martial law (and believe me, I am NOT disappointed if that doesn't happen!).

So how did I know this panic was coming? Well, I didn't know, but I suspected. I suspected it because I listened to my misgivings and intuition and made some preparations.

First of all, I don't get my information from mainstream news. They're crap. They are government propaganda--yes, all the channels, including Fox. But I do keep tabs on the themes they're using, and then I believe exactly the opposite. For instance, when the MSM tells me to panic, I don't panic. When, by contrast, they tell me to be calm about the newest viral epidemic (as per this latest C-virus episode), I start making preparations for a panic. This system has worked pretty well for years now.

Secondly, I listen to the Spirit, and I was getting nudges to buy extra food and essentials. I'm not perfect at acting on those nudges, but when they come often enough to get through my thick skull, I finally stop second-guessing myself and get off my butt and do something. I haven't yet felt the Spirit telling me to grab my family and run for the hills, and I find that comforting.

Thirdly, I get my news from other sources, mostly from YouTube journalists I have learned to respect. I know that makes me sound like a whacko conspiracy theorist, and you'd be right, except I don't think I'm a whacko. I am not so naive as to believe that all conspiracy theories are credible by any stretch of the imagination, but there are some people whom I watch who have their fingers squarely on the pulse of reality, I think, and I pay attention to what they say and ponder it and research their information.

I don't share my viewpoint with many others, though. Mostly everyone around me is buying the government propaganda hook, line, and sinker, and to challenge it openly right now is to risk losing all credibility and also to get harshly attacked. People are scared, and they'll be angry with you if you tell them their fear is irrational and misplaced. All I can do is keep my own family from panicking and offer help to others where I can. And I do also question myself enough to wonder if I'm actually just entirely full of it; but that's normal for me. It does keep me quiet, as well. Am I a coward? Maybe. Am I cautious? Always. Are they the same? Maybe sometimes.

Here's what I think (and this is me thinking and not me parroting what someone else told me to think):

1. The stock market downturn is more related to oil wars than to Coronavirus.
2. This virus had already gone global before any of these shutdowns even started. It's too late. We are all either already exposed or will be. Remember this past flu season when so many people you knew were getting so sick for a couple weeks? Yeah, I think that was this virus. Nothing we do now will make much of a difference except washing our hands and not coughing on people. Think about it: China didn't alert anyone else to this epidemic until it had already been out for three or four months, which means it probably spread into every country on earth before China finally admitted to anything. They only admitted anything because news was getting out beyond the government's control, so they had to finally say something.
3. I don't know that this Covid-19 is actually more serious than regular flu. Covid-19 might actually be covering for the rollout of 5G networks in China, which began in the Wuhan province right around October of 2019. Coincidence?
4. I have a friend from the region of Italy that has been hardest hit from this virus, and even with all the stats coming out about hospitalizations and sickness, he doesn't know anyone personally who has been infected. Neither do any of his family or friends. If the stats are as bad as MSM is telling us, wouldn't people personally know someone who is sick--or at least know someone who knows someone?
5. Whether or not this virus is more lethal than any other coronavirus, it certainly has allowed state and federal governments to test how quickly people are willing to stop assembling, hasn't it? And how quickly they can shut down opposing voices (so far, just by calling anyone not towing the official story "false news" and "fear-mongering." I hope it doesn't get to the point where government starts actually shutting down all opposing opinions on threat of imprisonment.).
6. In October of 2019, the Gates Foundation hosted Event 201, where authorities in various disciplines gathered together and played out a hypothetical situation where a coronavirus caused a pandemic. They discussed what should be done to mitigate it, although most of it seemed to center around controlling communications. It seems very strange that so often a drill or game is occurring right before an event occurs that exactly matches that drill or game, doesn't it? DOESN'T IT?? Sept. 11, 2001, and Newtown, CN spring quickly to mind, for instance.
7. It's an election year. This should be obvious.

I've just been informed that as of midnight tonight, the U.S. borders will be locked down to all undocumented travelers and for all non-essential travel (whatever that means). We'll see where this goes.

Dear reader, my dear, dear reader, be safe. I'm praying for you and your families. While I suspect there is a much larger game afoot here, I also know that the Lord is in charge. Be close to the Lord and listen to His Spirit. Maybe I'm full of it, but I do care.

Here's a video from a guy who has similar suspicions:



This is an excellent video to give you a good statistical analysis of the numbers to counter the hype of the MSM, which does not research or qualify the numbers they get.

The Eight of Pain

Welp, I don't know how this week can get any weirder.

We had a 5.7 magnitude earthquake that shook us out of our beds this morning--the epicenter of which was less than twenty miles away--during a Pandemic Panic on the day that all the school children were supposed to start online schooling. And my boss still required us drivers to complete two long online CDL training courses and take the tests in order to get paid for today (since my last post, the district changed their minds again and decided we'd have daily tasks in order to get paid).

I took Joseph to the doctor on Monday--back in the good old days before the week got really weird--to get refills for his asthma medications, and they put us in the Cowboy Room.

Featured in the Cowboy Room are a hitching post, a loosely mounted plastic bull head, and...

...this setup.

A wagon bed examination table. Cute! And the wagon wheel on the wall is certainly apropos of the theme.

But what is that above the table?

Someone found some splintery old fence, ripped off the top half, and attached two loops of barbed wire to it.

And then someone else decided that was the perfect accent in a pediatric doctor's office.

I checked: the barbed wire is real. And sharp. And the fence is splintery.

It's bold, I'll give them that. If they're trying to drum up ways to add more charges (tetanus shots?), this is one way to go. Even the hitching post, which begs to be climbed on, is great for concussion charges.

I kid, of course. Children should not be coddled so much that they can't look at some things and think, "Hmmm. Danger? Probably." But curious three-year-olds aren't quite there yet, and while Mom is dealing with screaming one-year-old sibling, big sister or brother is gambling with the Eight of Pain.

Anyway, we sustained no bodily or structural damage at either the doctor's office or during the earthquake, and our power stayed on all day today without interruption. The two grocery stores that had to close briefly due to product and some slight structural damage are open again, and I was able to hit the pharmacy and grab Joseph's refills, which I really should have done yesterday. All in all, life is back to normal. Well, as normal as it has been lately.

Little Gary is totally freaked out about the earthquake. He's dealt with his fright by talking non-stop and getting a migraine. Before the migraine hit, poor kid, we had a long discussion about how God controls everything. I didn't say too much (just let him talk), and I am awed by his faith. Despite his fear and worry, he knows he's watched over and protected. His testimony of Jesus Christ is strong,  and he recognizes how the Spirit feels, and I'm very grateful for that.

News from the Socially Distanced

Well, this is crazy, isn't it? Covid-19? Now there's no school for at least two weeks (and no church and no choir and no Conference, etc.).

The big question yesterday was: am I still going to get paid? I can't very well drive a school bus around if none of the kids are riding it. Although the school district wouldn't be out any extra money by guaranteeing our wages or salaries at this time, it is a tightwad district, so this was a valid worry. Most of us don't have contracts, so if the district decided they didn't want to pay us for doing nothing, they jolly well wouldn't have to. You might not have any bus drivers when you start school back up, of course, but maybe they were willing to take the risk.

Recently, we in the transportation department received a series of texts. First we were told that we would be asked to come in to work during our regular hours and would be assigned to other tasks: helping the mechanics, cleaning buses, cleaning schools, assisting with office work, etc. (I'm sure our bosses were sweating at the thought of trying to keep over eighty cantankerous bus drivers and attendants busy with busy work for two weeks.) Then we were told that, instead, we'd be required to come in for additional training today. Since we couldn't meet in groups larger than fifty, we'd be split into two groups. Then President Trump said not to get into groups larger than ten (I'm not even going to go into the ridiculousness of such government edicts right now), so training got canceled, and we were told we'd do an online training instead. 

Later in the afternoon, we received an email stating that the district was guaranteeing the wages and salaries of both part- and full-time employees and we wouldn't have to worry about coming in to work until at least Friday this week. 

Meanwhile, Johnny was freaking out. Since he's talking to me again (oh, I haven't told that story, have I? Long story short: I accidentally and unintentionally angered him in a series of bus misadventures, and I thought he wasn't ever going to talk to me again, which, admittedly, would make my life a lot less stressful. But I guess we're talking again. Does this story sound intriguing? Trust me, it's all stupid.), he was texting me all his worries. He didn't see the email in the afternoon, so he was very relieved when I told him about it and forwarded it to him. He hadn't signed up for the equal pay option, where your paycheck is split up so that you get paid through the summer instead of only during the school year. He wanted as much cash in his hands during the school year as he could get, so he was worried that instead of getting a much-reduced equal pay paycheck, he'd get nothing at all.

So that's me sorted for the time being. Husband is still working at the school this week as they set up online forums for school work. Next week, however, the teachers have been told they can work from home if they want. Some of them are really excited about working in quiet classrooms--especially if they have small children at home--so they're still going in to work, haha!

I have a pretty good relationship with most of my preschool parents, and some of them are closer to being friends than mere acquaintances. Yesterday, one of the moms I'm more friends with texted me and asked how I was doing, and after having a pleasant conversation, I asked if she needed any help with anything. I ended up giving her a ride to the grocery store because she didn't have a way to get there, and she needed some things. 

As for church, I had a meeting with my FIL (who is the Elders Quorum president now) and the bishopric on Sunday. After that meeting, where we received instructions from our Area Seventy and our stake president via our bishop, I wrote and posted instructions on our Relief Society Facebook page to answer questions the women have had about getting the Sacrament in their homes during this time of not meeting at church. One of my neighbors is offering to set up her Zoom account so everyone can participate in Sunday School and scripture study classes. I also told everyone to check on their neighbors and friends to see if anyone needs anything. 

Little Gary is pretty excited about having us home. He really craves family time, so he's been coming up with all kinds of ideas that we can do together. I'm making sure I spend more time with him. He's been really cuddly lately, even if he is twelve-and-a-half. He still sometimes tries to crawl into my lap like he's a toddler and not a long and lanky pre-teen. I had him help me cook dinner yesterday, and he was proud of his spaghetti sauce seasoning skills.

If nothing else, we'll all become closer as a family during this time. Elannah was in a community theater production of West Side Story that has been canceled, and Sophia was working as a substitute teacher. Elannah still works at the dental office, so she still works several days a week; but because of her job, she can't see her boyfriend right now (his dad has risk factors and they don't want visitors). Sophia was already applying for other jobs but hasn't been hired anywhere else yet, so they're both home a lot more.  

Paw Prints in My Wet Cement

The other day, I spotted a loose dog running joyously down the full length of a wet, newly smoothed sidewalk while the cement worker tried to chase him off.

If that isn't a metaphor for life, I don't know what is.

I admit I laughed. The dog so obviously thought it was a fun game. I did feel bad for the cement worker, though, as it was a very long sidewalk.

Speaking of having paw prints in your freshly smoothed sidewalk, things have been a little rough for me lately--mentally and emotionally, that is. I think I'm coming out of it, but I find it very irritating to be depressed. I'm not often depressed, but the last few months have really thrown me for a loop. I can still function physically, and probably very few people would guess that I'm struggling so hard. It's not like I'm ashamed of being depressed, but I really don't like saying much about it except to people very close to me, and even then I'm not going to go on and on about it. Poor Husband gets the worst of it, as he has to watch me blubber and cry about stupid things while he tries to make me feel better. I guess I don't feel the need to shout it out loud because I do have hope that it will end--as it always has--and that I don't need to get depressed about being depressed, if that makes sense.

Several interesting things have happened recently:

My father-in-law just got called as the new Elders Quorum president. I'm still the Relief Society president (much to my dismay at times), so now I'm working closely with FIL. Let's just say he doesn't ever adopt a "wait and see the lay of the land" approach. He is a man of action. As a man of action, he has immediately started making sweeping changes to all the ministering assignments, and I'm either going to have to murder him for messing things up without even consulting me first or just learn to go with the flow and gently teach him that when he makes sweeping changes, he creates sweeping issues for me, too. He's not unreasonable, just headstrong, and he's still sort of stuck in the old Home Teaching mode. If I need to, I'll tattle on him to my MIL, who will quickly set him straight.

Prunella made an appearance a couple weeks ago. Sundays, in particular, have been very difficult for me, and I was especially--and annoyingly--emotional that particular Sunday. But the Lord bestows His tender mercies on me always, and during Sacrament Meeting, as I was struggling to keep my emotions in check and not leak out of my eyes and nose quite so much, I was suddenly blessed with an image of myself as a stone pillar. As soon as that image popped into my head, my negative emotions receded, and I was able to remain completely calm and even-keeled. I cannot describe to you how much of a relief that was. I didn't know Prunella was visiting our ward that day (I have neither seen nor heard from her since we last corresponded, and she's been attending another ward, where she is, apparently, much happier, and where the women adore her properly), and if the Lord hadn't blessed me with calmness, I would have been an utter basket case. Even worse, it was my turn to teach the lesson in Relief Society! But I was able to lead the discussion in perfect equanimity that day, even letting Prunella's comments, which were secret little barbed attacks at me, slide right off my back. I think I've managed to forgive her, even despite the texts she sent me later in the day, which were more little barbed attacks at me, and which I mostly ignored. I don't wish Prunella ill, and I do know the Lord loves her as much as He loves me. I may not feel any need or desire to try and create a new relationship with her, but I also don't feel anger toward her anymore. I don't think forgiveness requires you to trust a person you can no longer trust, but you can still wish them well.

At work, Johnny has backed way off on his attempts to try and change everything immediately because he got discouraged with the slow pace of the process. This has given me a chance to help him see that, a) I am taking his good ideas and pushing them in each of the committee meetings I attend (I am on the Driver Committee this year, which is a representative group of drivers, mechanics, attendants, and office staff who meet each month to go over news and issues, and where these good ideas are actually being put into practice over time), and b) that he really is appreciated even if his ideas aren't immediately and sweepingly adopted. I have given him some hope, I think. I have to laugh because now, after every committee meeting I attend, I have to report to a group of very interested drivers what was talked about. I take copious notes and then do a report--usually in Johnny's or Martin's buses while we're waiting for our high school kids at the end of the day. I can help them see that changes really are being made, and my job really is to represent the concerns of other drivers. I'm technically the representative for the preschool drivers, but we talk about all concerns in the meetings.

I won't bore you with more of the minutiae of my inner thoughts and struggles. My kids are doing all right, and Husband is plugging along, as well. This post is already really long. I'll post more about their adventures later.