i refuse to give in.
i will not let up.
i will not be mastered.
i am focused.
i am unstoppable.
there is no towel to be thrown in.
there is no consolation round.
my mind has been made.
my eyes are fixed.
my vision is clear.
my options are none.
my path is one.

good friends, are so hard to find. all through high school i had these conflicting notions of who my friends were, who i really was, and who would be there for me in the end. things dont always turn out the way you think they will. i think of the many times in high school when i wouldnt hang out with my school friends, as if i had something more important to do. sometimes i had prior engagements, but oftentimes i put them below other 'church' friends. i was quite adamant about this too, because i felt i was more like my church friends, we shared more in common, had similar interests, etc. i found myself oftentimes distant at school, not really feeling like i fit in. but now, here in university, i miss ALL of my friends. church friends. school friends as well. they are my friends. and if God is gracious to me, they will be my friends for life. we've shared so many fun times, so many fond memories. somehow i managed to take it all for granted. You guys are a great bunch of people. sorry if ive never told you that before. im just feeling sentimental right now. and very content. and thankful.

"And for a moment I lose myself, Wrapped up in the pleasures of the world.
I've journeyed here and there and back again, But in the same old haunts I still find my friends.
Mysteries not ready to reveal, Sympathies I'm ready to return.
I'll make the effort, love can last forever
Graceful swans of never topple to the earth
Tomorrow's just an excuse
And you, can make it last, forever you
You can make it last, forever you."

who's using you more: God or the Devil?

what can wash away my sin?

nothing but the blood of Jesus


God is the absolute reality that everyone in the universe must come to terms with. Everything depends utterly on his will. All other realities compare to him like a raindrop compares to the ocean, or like an anthill compares to Mount Everest. To ignore him or belittle him is unintelligible and suicidal folly. How shall one ever be the emissary of this great God who has not trembled before him with joyful wonder?
- John Piper

went to cfc. mad in my eye.
im going to return the plates.

i apologize to those i offended in my last post. such comments have been taken out.

so here i am. its saturday morning. i checked and leo and sharon have already blogged about yestserday, so i spose im a bit late. but that is excusable i suppose. so. where to start. leo came up yesterday to come visit us which was super. i got my guitar back. but then i realized that i couldnt play it cuz i dont have an A string. frickin! but okay. anyways we just hung around and then we went to jons and hung around and went to mels to meet some ppl. and thats where the fun starts. so we're there at mels, its cool, and some unexpected people show up. or maybe they were expected just unexpected to us. and we're sitting on one side of the table in this order: me, leo, sharon, and thne thats where this little jerk sat himself down, right beside sharon. and pretty much the whole night he was putting moves on her and giving her all these weird liines, trying to get closer to her, lean on her shoulder, all this homo stuff. well i spose thats okay cuz i always thought he was gay himself. but anyways, i didnt really do anything about it cuz i was rather upset, and this got sharon upset as well. yes. oh and leo and i got cut up pretty badly. so i wasnt too happy about that. but okay. nevertheless. this boy bothered me. and still bothers me. anyways sharon and i had a nice long talk yesterday night and i think we hopefully understand each other, and ourselves more right now. but this guy has got to go. we were quite upset at him yesterday. i didnt know i knew so many bad words :) hmm.. maybe i'll go hire grace's sniper friend to shoot him in the head or something. but no. i think ihave to take care of this myself. in my own sorta way :P so if any of you reading know him, you'd better warn him cuz, as leo says, i can be very 'passionate' sometimes.

so besides that whole fiasco the night was good. if it could be good after that, i dont know, but regardless. we watched count of monte cristo. second time in two days. the liu boys were right when they said it was good. VERY good in fact. my pick of the weeK! sure, why not :P then leo dropped us back home and we had a good talk. namely, this christmas we're thinking of the snow shoveling deal that we did last year. but this time with more ppl. and just going and shovelling people's driveways and stuff for free and sharing God's love. instead of sitting around the church getting fat with all this head knowledge. anyways im rather excited about this. so if you're interested. please let me know.

in conclusion, a few things i realized:
a) being a christian is hard! :) ahha no no, really now...
b) people are hard to figure out sometimes
c) i dont really know myself as well as i thought
d) im not who God wants me to be quite yet
e) im not really even happy with who i am right now
f) good friends are hard to come by
g) great friends are priceless
h) count of monte cristo is a movie that gets better each time you watch it
i) i've got to learn to keep my mouth shut more often
j) no more blasphemy
k) someone had better be extremely careful of what he does from now on

so its been a while again. like always. i blog very sporadically.but thats okay. anyways its been a fun week so far. this past weekend, james alli sharon and myself all went to queens. it was fun, just a time to visit people, hang out, do miscellaneous things. several thoughts from the trip: a) queens looks a lot nicer than laurier b) queens is a lot colder than laurier c) theres a very good church there called bethel church d) the queens people are very friendly and hospitable e) their fellowship's bible studies are weird f) janice has a very nice place g) stooleys has amazing fries h) snooker is hard i) white people will touch your stuff for no reason whatsoever j) maximum capacity for a dorm room can be almost 20 k) grace had a happy birthday l) james knows people everywhere m) anita stalks us n) but we still like her o) angie's room can sleep 4, if one sleeps under the desk p) james has a nice corn pops shot q) alli knows the lyrics to too many songs r) their cafeterias are overpriced s) nhl02 is a hard game t) queens is far u) i missed my friends v) jitz is tiring on the wrists w) their waffles are delicious x) apparently youre not sposed to ask for free bread y) its extremely difficult to find parking in queens z) angie uses the same sociology book as me...anyways. thats perhaps a tiny glimpse of a jam packed weekend. we came back on sunday and took the greyhound back to waterloo. fun fun fun. :) hehe so monday wasnt too bad. i found out my sociology midterm mark, 70s, decent. we did a presentation in tutorial for our ta and our class, and the prof decided to stop by and listen in, but thats good cuz she said our presentation was excellent. super :) monday night we watched time machine. not too bad actually. the first time i saw it it wasnt too good. but this time, quite better. oh yeah. and on monday i was so tired i slept in thru sociology class, and i was like.. okay dont worry. i'll go after business to the other class. but then i slept thru that one as well ANd math. haha so i missed two key classes. but then again, maybe theyre not so key after all. at night we went ou tto mels again for our quasi-traditional monday night 2 dollar burger dinner. they didnt have any water cuz a watermain busted out front or something. so jokes. edmund wasnt himself. he only ate two burgers. TWO. but next week he said hes bringing the good stuff and going for 8. good times. then yesterday i got my psych test back, not bad, 70s again. meh. after that i didnt really do much until the evening when we had an intramural soccer match. it was the first round of a playoff match, and we were ranked 11 going in against the number 4 team. these euro guys. very good. anyways i played as well (kinda subbed on and off) and in the first half i like passed the ball through our middle and they took it and almost scored on us. so i was like.. oops. so during halftime someone on our team was like.. okay guys, dont do what justin did there. and i was like.. ohh. in my eye. but anyways it was still 0-0. so second half came and we played hard and i actually made some good defensive plays. i slid in front of the net on one to block a shot and the whole team was like go justin! yes! im in! haha :) so that was good. so the game ended tied so we went to penalty shootout. 5 people from each side. i obviously didnt volunteer to go. so they went, and after the 5, the score was still tied. so the remaining two from each team had to shoot. that included me. so it was do or die time. the guy on the other team missed first. and then it was my turn. if i got it, we would win the game. i, of course, missed :) so then they missed again and it was all down to my don to win it, and he did. so funny. we like mugged him after he scored. so happy. it was quite a victorious moment. anyways that was incredible, so now we're on to the semi finals next week. we'll see how it goes. anyways. thats about it. today at math i got my test back, oh goodness, bad news again, just like test number 1. but i handled it a lot better this time, i was actually happy i didnt fail i spose :) cuz now all i need to do is pass my final and i pass the course. super :) hehe anyways tonight ive got to go to fellowship extra early. like at 6. to practise for worship. meh. jon is coming tonight. super! excellent. anyways. thats about it. i have now officially caught you up. until later!

I fooled everybody, I learned to say the right words and dress the right dress and do the right things. But maybe one day they'll see through my facade, and I'll be me. I tried to be somebody - Someone who I could look up to, I would respect and I would care about. And I thought if I was all these things, than maybe I could learn to love myself.

But I'm not perfect, not put together. And sometimes I'm lonely, But it's only real life. Here I stand cast your stones, If you mock me, I know that it's only, That you're scared of real life.

I tried to succeed in a value system that puts everyone in their place. You gotta dress right, you gotta be cool, you gotta be popular If you wanna be as happy as the people on the TV. Till, I found there's a God who has a place for everyone and every person, every broken heart, No matter how imperfect He loves you right where you are, And he loves me

though I'm not perfect, not put together And sometimes I'm lonely, But it's only real life. Here I stand cast your stones, If you mock me, I know that it's only, That you're scared of real life.

But here I am right where I am and through it all, I'm just trying to be myself. And I let go, of these feelings, And I finally know it's all right to be not perfect, not put together And sometimes I'm lonely, But it's only real life. Here I stand cast your stones, If you mock me, I know that it's only, That you're scared of real life.

i remember we could talk about anything
i remember when we used to wanna hang out

tonight: studying, business group meeting at 9:30, soccer match at 11:30
tomorrow: studying, not going to fellowship, maybe a sociology lecture instead
thursday: math midterm at 5:30, sociology group meeting, business group meeting
friday: business group meeting, sociology group meeting
monday: sociology group presentation and paper due, business paper due

i peek out from under my covers at my alarmclock.
8something a.m.
i groggily roll/fall out of bed, and go.. uh. do my stuff. (#1)
come back into my room, throw open the curtains.
suddenly, God's beauty, His majesty, is right there in front of me.
Shining, blazing sun, right into my face, pouring onto me a reminder of God's neverending mercies.
its one of those moments where you just can't help but sing praise to the one who's so worthy!
*that's what's so amazing about your grace!*
psalms just come so alive this morning.
"the Lord is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made."
so true.

I’m so thirsty, I can feel it
Burnin’ through the furthest corners of my soul
Deep desire, can’t describe this nameless urge that drives me somewhere
Though I don’t know where I go.

Seems I’ve heard about a river from someone who’s been
And they tell me once you reach it, oh you’ll never thirst again
So I have to find the river, somehow my life depends on the river
Holy River, I’m so thirsty.



The river is here.

His name is Jesus.

so i heard something yesterday which i feel inclined to share about.

if you're ever having a bad day, or even a bad week, what might be the cause of it? we all know that there is a spiritual realm, but there's also a spiritual war going on right now for YOUR WORSHIP. look in Job, God and the enemy were having a little discussion about God's servant Job. and basically the devil was saying how Job was only praising and worshipping God because God had blessed him with so much stuff. so God pretty much told the devil that he could do all this stuff to him, cause Job to have a pretty bad week, but couldnt kill him. and Job nonetheless remained faithful and strong, and chose to worship the real God. so think about that. next time something weird happens in your life. and it seems like you're having a horrid day, or a bad week. it just COULD be that God and the devil are having a little talk about YOUR worship, and your choice of who to worship has very large ramifications. believe it or not. God's glory is at stake. so who are YOU going to worship today?

random happenings:
1) yesterday i played intramural soccer in the snow. it was insane. we ended up losing 1-0. my man got by me and i missed my defensive assignment. as a result, he crossed it and his teammate scored. so horrible. i shouldnt be allowed to play anymore. i walked off the field alone yesterday.
2) i had a sociology midterm today. it was crazy. some of the most obscure facts were pulled outta the textbook and tested upon. but at least its over with. i kinda reallized exams never end. welcome to university indeed. i have a calc midterm next week. if i dont do good, im in deep trouble.
3) im staying in loo this wknd! everyone is going home but me. hopefully i wont get too lonely, but maybe it'll give me a chance to get some much needed homework done.
4) songs that im listening to now that i recommend for download: bebo norman - our mystery, and matt redman - amazing. i was also pumping out 'cry' by mandy moore before, but thats only cuz i think everyones at class. i hope. or else im in for some beat downs tonight. :)
5) watched smallville and gilmore girls yesterday. no, not in the lounge. haha you wish :) totally in the comfort of my own dorm room on the computer.
6) dinner yesterday?: white rice with braised eel. its a lot tastier than it sounds.
7) i miss my seagull back home. this epiphone i have up here just doesnt do justice. its okay baby. i'll be back soon...
8) my stocks are down again. i cant believe i let go of nortel. its up to like 2.26 now. but im too scared to buy back in cuz i know it'll go down. whats the matter with my other stocks?!!? come on sw, ive got 50something grand riding on you!
9) thats it for now. i have class in 20 somethign minutes. blog later. have a great rest of the week ladies and gentlemen.

so its been about a week since i last blogged. but i've been rather busy this past week. i had 3 midterms last week.. they were.. uhm.. interesting :) the beast was actually on saturday, a 3 and a half hour exam smack dab in the middle of the afternoon. crazy stuff. but its over and done with. and i dont really wanna venture a guess at how well/poorly i did, so we'll just let time tell. anyways, after that my dad came and picked me up and i went for dinner with my family at kelseys. it was very nice. and then we went home and i got to watch tv and eat cake and stuff. yay :) then today we had church, which by the way was quite good i thought. and then we went out to pickel barrel. which was uhm.. fun. hahaha :) no no, it was good. instead of a cake. i got a pickle. hahha i was like. uhm. yay! :) it was SO salty. oh goodness. i almost died right there. :) hehe not quite. but yeah. anyways.. hmmm. its weird. i dont really feel much older. but i guess its all like psychological milestones and stuff like that. so im glad ive reached this age. i kinda have a better idea of the person i am, and also the person i want and need to be. so now its just a process of getting there. and thats a step by step process, each and every day. anyways, thats it from my pearls of wisdom for now. heres something that tim hansel says in his book, holy sweat:

This is the true joy in life, being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being a force of nature instead of a feverish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world does not devote itself to making you happy. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work, the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no "brief candle" to me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.

burn on.