who am i?

again, or rather not realli again, today reach sch at 13.30. veri lazy, 躺在床上就不想起来. obviously i skipping all lessons today la, somehow, 放自己一天假. tinking back, i realise i long time nv like that le, in a sense last time i always do this but last week i manage to like 100% attendance, which is a big achievements le for me. no late no nothing.

i read my previous posts and ask myself: Who am I now? tis question came to my mind, cos i realli feel much different than b4. it's onli 2 months and i think i like change quite a lot le. 这么善变的我…有点恐怖. 真的很乱. i don noe wat am i doing now. after working for around 2 weeks, i realli don noe how i realli feel, whether i feel tired or wat, or no time for tings or wat. 脑袋就空空的, 什么都不想. perhaps now, i have no time to tink about the questions i tink about last time. and as you can see, i don tink i can realli express well about myself now. 我变笨了? i am like so damn dotz lo, confused by myself, but tis is realli the truth.

莫名的伤感　无奈的狼狈
我变了…　　现在的我　
少了点快乐　多了点犹豫
少了点规律　多了点彷徨
少了点自由　多了份不自在
也许只有陶醉在音乐里
才能放下一切　忘记所有…

that is wat i wrote on may 2005, but now...

城市的速度　我飞快地跟
我变了…　　现在的我
少了点时间　多了点困惑
少了点安慰　多了点恐惧
少了点了解　多了点模糊
但不变的是
陶醉在音乐里
始终能让我放下一切　忘记所有…

i wonder how long can i survive. that day the manager of the mac told me about the policy, the whole job system and all those craps things. like 1 year can have 7 paid leave, 14 paid medical leave and like work 10 months can have 11 monhs pay and all those things, i am like, wonder, haha, can i get so far? she even sent me to what nsrs course (don noe wat national recognise standard or someting) which i am like, haha, 我能撑到哪儿吗?

this saturday, most prob going to k-box, no matter wid who la, maybe my bro, but jus want to sing out loud, somehow 发泄. and realli, i tink i oso getting toopider, cos tis post realli took me much effort, think now, don noe why, cant like 一笔成章le.

有如迷失在另一个星球里
就连风吹、叶落
对我来说
都好像好陌生…
也许是时候应该安定下来
选择一段长久的路…

雨

雨后的天空，是否一定有彩虹？

不论现在是否天晴，心里却依然下着雨…

yawn...

so nice today the weather, raining den i was like on my bed and tinking whether i shld come school. cos it is like realli so 舒服. i look outside the window den wow, quite nice, the sky was like 红蓝红蓝的，街道被雨水洗礼，显得格外清晰…

den 1st lesson is chinese, 1 and a half hours and i was like when is tis going to end... and got back 1 test, 39/50, okie la, considered alrite le. aniwae, i wanted to burn some songs from the computer and i realise actualli that the cd-r, i left it at home. tink going to buy again later.

and someting veri dotz, i went to a classroom and i plan to jus rest and sleep for a while, and i n the end i am like slept for 3 hrs and i jus realise it is 12 pm which i missed a lecture and a tutorial... CMI.

yawn, k k, updating in few days' time.

(adele wong, cant find your comment.)

mi compo

ya, havent found my feel. sianz. friday wrote a 作文, title 镜子里的我, which is like... i write until veri no feel den a little 力不从心. it is about like my 人生旅程, which didnt turn out as beautiful, i mean the compo.

aniwae, intro by superstar, found another new song, minor minor one, nice feel.

张惠妹《Open Your Eyes》

Open your eyes, Just say goodbye
我这个夜晚 应该哭个痛快
相遇不算太晚 相爱不算太短
现在正好适合离开

Open your eyes, Just say goodbye
只是不懂 为什么还笑得出来
承诺已经不再 叹息无可计算
再不离开眼泪就要泛滥

每一种决定都像肝肠寸断
每一种选择都是心有不甘
过了今晚你要开始学着勇敢
不可知的未来 你要自己承担

每一种决定都像肝肠寸断
每一种选择都是心有不甘
诚实并不代表容许背叛
这样的爱 只是错误的示范

ya, jus surprised

i have onli 5 minute to type tis, jus wan say... Ya, manage to got $350 from the school, finally, out of a sudden i am richer le. finally out of the credit balance.

空空的脑袋不很像我，以前常思索的我消失了，不知为什么？

迷失在另个世界里…　我到底在哪里…

懒得去管2

i tink i seriously need to have a ledger account for myself, cos i always "income < expenses"!

ya, still sick, but these few days the weather oso quite cool, quite nice, 蛮舒服的.

today, i was quite fed up wid my guzheng teacher-in-charge. haiz, i today got the early leave form, so by rite i can like go home at like 9 am, but cos of some guzheng meeting and cca, i came back at around 11.40am. what's so fed up is that, haiz! i went to find the gz teacher-in-charge to get the keys for the room, and jus nice, my civil tutor came out of the stuff room, den, he say to the guzheng teacher that i was sick and wanted me to go home, but the gz teacher reply was "不用管他，他在博取同情", and i was like... another one, 那种还没搞清楚状况就乱下定局的人!

i was like so fed up until i wanted to like send an email to tell her: I AM REALLI SICK, and pls don anyhow say tings, etc... i typed out the email le, but in the end, didnt send. 算了, 就真的懒得去管.

阴阴的天气，懒懒的我，拋开一切，寻找舒适的生活…

sick.

friday, on job experience, got into the mac family with my bro, $3 per hr. mm, not much, but sometimes at home oso slacking, so no point, mite as well go work.

sunday mornin, i start my 1st day, 8.30 am to 4.30 pm, 7 and a half hour and an half hour break. imagine standing at the french fries and hash brown fryer, at 184 degree C. goodness, wanted to baint when see the queues so long, den realli 忙不过来, but maybe veri busy, the time oso like pass veri fast like that.

but tis mornin, wake up, suddenly no voice, or maybe it is cough or flu, i oso don noe. maybe it may be 超劳过度, haiz, hate it, cant sing, cant talk properly, even drink water oso veri pain, haiz sianz.

(to adele wong!) mm, obviously i cant talk on phone to noe ur stories, cos i lost my voices, but the good thing is, i think i got money to return u le...

人是否真的有极限？只希望我的懒会慢慢减少，让我冲破重围，站上高峰…

zz.

wan to faint le, actualli now i pe wan, but forgot bring shirt, den don feel like going so didnt go. slack 到…… haiz, i tink pe is like... oh, i wanted to say, how long is the pe, but den i realise i forgot to bring timetable too. haha. dotz. haiz, i realli feel veri 乱！

den so lame, today i onli come for 1 hour of physics tutorial and guzheng. the rest of the time slacking, cos, i today onli bring a pencil box, i-weekly and phy tutorial (undone).

and there is one math assignment i suppose to do, but den, i realise again, the computer system, i have no idea how to cut and paste in the correct way! Haiz. CMI.

aniwae, mi mum b-dae today. mm, wanted to buy cake but vegetarian, so haiz, will go walk and see see later to decide whether to buy a present...

finding jobs...

yest nite, after tuition, went to find jobs wid my bro. den go mac find job, den tis coming friday going to try out for the first time. haiz, okie la, the pay is quite low, lowest is 2.80 per hour, still not sure. but haiz, no choice, cant possibly be so poor everytime, realli shld do someting. hope i can get in wid my bro on friday, and most prob need to even clean toilet and do those chores, but nvm la, take it as an experience, 吃一点苦，否则以后跌倒爬不起来…

den, if realli can go work, den i would have time to play anymore, if realli get it, i hope to like maintain till tis year end. den i will like having 3 jobs at 1 time, teaching tuition, piano, and the mac. jus hope my results will be okie and not be affected jus cos of the mac job.

aniwae, totally disappointed in my gp, 19/50, and cos of this i fail my whole of mid-year. actualli realli quite happie for my other subject, A for maths, C for phy, which jus added 3 marks, and E for chinese. considered realli okie le, haiz, i tink will realli be drag down by the toopid gp paper!

and jus now in com lab, haha, saw a veri nice show! a com lab attendant quarrel wid one of a ny guy and nearly fight, haha, veri sarcastic la, but tot ny ppl all guai guai wan, but now, the guy realli scolded the attendant, not bad la, quite cool!

and now, trying to learn this song...

Never Had A Dream Come True

Everybody's got something
They had to leave behind
One regret from yesterday
That just seems to grow with time

There's no use looking back or wondering (or wondering)
How it could be now or might have been (or might have been)
All this I know but still I can't find ways to let you go

I never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
Even though, I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby

I never found the words to say (never found the words to say)
You're the one I think about each day (the one I think about each day)
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you

Somewhere in my memory
I've lost all sense of time
And tomorrow can never be
Cause yesterday is all that fills my mind

There's no use looking back or wondering (or wondering)
How it could be now or might have been (or might have been)
All this I know but still I can't find ways to let you go

I never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
Even though, I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby

I never found the words to say (never found the words to say)
You're the one I think about each day (the one I think about each day)
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you

You'll always be the dream that fills my head
Yes you will, say you will, you know you will, oh baby
You'll always be the one I know I'll never forget
There's no use looking back or wondering (or wondering)
Because love is a strange and funny thing (and funny thing)
No matter how I try and try I just can't say good-bye No, no, no, no

懒得去管

因为某种真实的故事，我们，人，信仰了某种宗教

人往往缺乏安全感；在失落的时候需要一种安慰

因为害怕、胆怯、担忧、好奇、迷惑及某种原因

我们开始了相信……

正因为以宗教眼光看世界，世界变得如此千变万化，不可思议

正因为以宗教眼光看现实，现实往往被一些虚幻取代。

人往往太爱幻想，把简单变得复杂

真的有必要寻找生命的真谛吗？

“天堂”或“地狱”又怎样？

所谓的“天堂”也许只是人类幻想出来的美丽世界

天堂真的能带来永恒的快乐吗？

其实，在友情、亲情、爱情里，也能找到快乐

烦恼，犹豫或不快乐，都也是人编织的

我，就只是在寻找那个从前拥有快乐、直来直往的我…

《懒得去管》

时间是下午两点半 我睡到自然醒喔 你来按电铃喔
该整理的还在原地冰箱也冷清清 该怎么招待你

摸摸口袋 只剩铜板 心里很酸而且是新币三块半

唉 懒得去管 顺其自然　
天空为你我而蓝
烦脑抛开 脑袋空白
糊里糊涂也不坏

莫名其妙的城市 谁回来谁离去没有一定规律喔
在半夜吃个巧克力会胖个几公斤 又有什么关系

才出门去 忘了手机 心里很急又发现钥匙还在家里

唉 懒得去管 顺其自然
天空为你我而蓝
烦脑抛开 脑袋空白
糊里糊涂也不坏

SiaNz...

mm... not bad, manage to win 4d yest, but onli 6 dollars, but better than nothing.

i am like so nothin to do, or rather don noe wat to do cos, after examz, how shld i continue? realli hope my chinese paper 2 can get 21/50, so that i can get a E grade, den at least i pass all my subjects, and oso hope gp can pass la, tink not quite possible tis time.

terrible moods...

i am late for school again, went at 12 plus, and got to noe my chinese paper 1 results, terrible 48/100. wan to faint, den today oso chinese ao oral, quite okie la, not as bad.

jus now zhen cong ask me go k-box, haiz, i realli veri bad mood, cos i don have money!! i am left onli wid like 20 plus dollars, and i am like suppose to pop out 84 or 86 for my school fees. i realli don noe how, feel like go find a mac, kfc or bk job. den tml, haiz, most prob going for a steamboat wid the old friends, haiz, den spending again! jus hope the wilson deng can quick quick return my money!

my bro b-day

so sianz, so tired, yest nite go watch a concert, got guzheng, handbells, gamelan music and string ensemble... den veri late den reach home. of cos, i am late again for school. and got back my mid-year...

surprisingly, i manage to pass my phy, with onli 2 hours of flipping through, 30/60, a D grade. den maths, with around 2 hours of doing some questions, i manage to get 76.5/100, a A grade, finally someting to be proud of, haha.

break until i quite sianz, suppose to do pw now, but realli sianz! 闷都闷死了! today bro b-dae, maybe buyin a cake later to celebrate. haiz, today, someone said someting that is realli right: one always lack of money, sleep and holiday.

放弃追求你认为美丽的，去欣赏身边简单的幸福、快乐…

end of exams

been like slackin at home since wed, after the exams... tink onli maths can make it, chinese and phy think all border line cases.... as usual, played overnite mahjong, k-box... sometimes tink that my recreational activities oso like veri little.

july 2 ~ implies that half yr is gone, and i feel that i realli have wasted the half-year! haiz, realli should try to achieve some tings by the end of 2005. this year is quite terrible actualli, as i tink my mind has been like confused by a lot of different things, den influenced by lot of things too...

aniwae, i won 4d, with my bro, we shared to buy and manage to win some bucks. den jus have a piano, wanted to start today but postponed.

wonder wat i can do for the next 3 free days...