friends are all the difference you need

it is infinitely interesting to read and know the personal thoughts of another individual. more so when that person is someone you know but do not know so intimately, and then reading these things shed so much new light about the person that you never know before or sides of the person that you didn't know existed, due in part to our preconceived notions of him/her. and that "strike a chord" moment can be extremely precious; to know that two souls out there share something in common, now that's amazing.

on the note of striking chords (i seem to be sounding linguistically musical here!), i agree with what a friend said; that one-to-one relationships are way more important than being out in a group. what i find is that many times in a group, we don't talk about things that matter so much, more on the usual "what have you been doing", and then some throwing around of funny tales. but rarely on personal issues, rarely. maybe group settings are just less conducive, maybe we're wired to be more personal only when we are alone with another. and perhaps, how open two people can be in a one-to-one setting can be indicative of how close their relationship really is.

i appreciate it tremendously when people appreciate what i've done for them. not to say that i do things with the motive of earning appreciation, but the fact is that it offers a great deal of reinforcement to the belief that you have made a difference in another's life. i don't know about you, but if there's anything worth doing it is this, making a difference in people's lives. forget the corporate ladder, the sparkling cents and dollars you earn, forget the status that many of us so desperately cling onto for self-identity and pride in society today. a self-centred life isn't much of a life worth living in my opinion.

i just want to say, thank you friend for giving me that re-affirmation of the value of what i'm doing :) it really means a lot. you're a special friend too!

it's difficult to break away from old habits and patterns of thinking. really difficult.

i know i'm not supposed to fix my sights on worldly achievements, rather strive for things beyond that. the problem is this: how easily can you do it?

i remember having seen in a book somewhere mentioning that guys place a great deal of pressure on themselves (to do well). i cannot agree more. while i cannot affirm whether this is due to a cultural influence or a gender stereotype, or even something genetic in guys, i do know that it holds true for me.

why's it so hard to accept failure? perhaps i think of myself as competent enough and therefore more than justified to succeed. perhaps it's because so many around me have carved out a path for themselves one after another but i have yet to. perhaps i am too idealistic, too hopeful, so the loss (of opportunities, for one) is amplified.

feel like i'm stuck in a rut. and the thing about me is, when i get stuck, i can stay inside for pretty long. the feeling does suck. i hope that reading all this has not been a spirit dampener; think of it as me illustrating that we all have our own share of struggles to deal with.

and thus i suppose, this is why we have the comforter and friend - the one whose touch we need again.

some things i really really miss:

1. my class, friends, family
2. being able to wander around and explore singapore for the whole day
3. basically time out to unwind...quiet time!
4. my books, god knows how many i have that are unread and busy collecting dust.

bahh. NS makes you miss alot alot of things. on the upside, it reveals what matters to you most, which sometimes surprises you.

onward with the next week of foundation term rarh!