without knowing it, i've come to the last camp of my NPCC life.
to quote xue wen: "last and best ATC ever - let's go"

no regrets, i can make it so, through Him.

ehh, i just hope it won't get too emotional.

back in 3 days..

i am offically traumatised by proposal/lesson plan editing.
i don't think i will ever generate a sub-standard proposal ever again for the rest of my life. not while my trauma still remains.
i think sometimes a measure of harshness works to jolt people from dreamland.
now i can understand why there are people out there who think RI people are just brains (academically) and little more.

consecutive nights of going out, endless brain cell killing (due to the abovementioned) and sleeping at 2am+ is a sure formula for gg-ness. sigh.

i want better memory to retain all the nuggets of wisdom from the mountain of books (ok i exaggerate) in my house ahh.
bookshops like Borders are bad in that there are TOO MANY BOOKS. you get overwhelmed by all the stuff around you, and good luck to you if you intend to browse through the entire store's collection.

i shall stop talking (i mean typing).
tired dao.
(note to self: don't collapse halfway tomorrow yea.)

spending the first night of my holidays editing a camp proposal for 2 hours.

it can get pretty killer and annoying that people don't seem to bother to act on their mistakes. though it was some entertainment that people can write ridiculous stuff in a proposal (but when the laugh's over you realise it isn't that much a laughing matter, because that just mean they're pretty bad).

i got to agree with joseph that sometimes it's just so hard to let go when you know they're not ready yet.

..or am i the one who's not ready to let go?

one more term to go till i know.

so term 2 ends. the end always seems to arrive upon us too fast for comfort.

already i am extremely tempted to switch to holiday mood - slacking and sleeping and basically not being constructive. but logic and reason deduces that the wise thing to do is to consistently study day in day out (ok maybe not day out) if we want to do decently well for CTs. it's a tough fight against inner demons and human nature, but victory will be clinched in His name.

my greatest love is You.

sometimes big things change because of one small change.
and then the rest doesn't really matter.

sometimes you want to love everyone, but it's difficult. hearts of steel are a tough nut to crack.
oh i really like my spring analogy for evangelism.

it is a horrible feeling when you read a friend's blog, and realise that there are so and so things that he/she is facing in his life that you don't know about, and that you might not be able to exactly help him/her with. you feel downright rotten and it seriously sucks.
i'm lucky that at least i can still pray for them.

what's going to happen to "these 2 years no regrets" ahh..

grant me serenity, grant me courage to deal with the world.

grant me strength.

it's hard to be the good guy.
but, it's not impossible. all we need is a little faith.

i worry abit too much sometimes.
i like to tell people to "just whack", but i don't seem to relish that prospect very much myself. so much for setting an example.

we all just want that assurance that things will definitely be alright, no matter what happens.

heh kovan superstar 2010 was quite interesting. uh if you're getting ideas, i shall clarify now that i did NOT enter that competition. (just in case you interpreted my first line as that)

ahh gp gp gp.

time is the ultimate test of everything.
the dilemma is that time passes us quickly, sometimes a little too quickly.

we all ought to have a brighter outlook on life. forgive those who disappointed or hurt us or was just plain insensitive, because all things happen for a (reasonable) reason. when we finally die we won't want to bring any of these along now do we.
make the lives of everyone you meet a little better, it's not really that hard. and it's one of the few things that we can do really well at. it doesn't have to be tons better, just a little bit better.


interesting passage to share:

'Love Will Remain

Hope and faith will both come to an end when we die. But love will remain. Love is eternal. Love comes from God and returns to God. When we die, we will lose everything that life gave us except love. The love with which we lived our lives is the life of God within us. It is the divine, indestructible core of our being. This love not only will remain but will also bear fruit from generation to generation.

When we approach our deaths let us say to those we leave behind, "Don't let your heart be troubled. The love of God that dwells in my heart will come to you and offer you consolation and comfort." '


today was another one of those days where i had alot to think about. as a result i can't focus on work very well but ah. work isn't always the most important thing.

life is pretty fascinating, really. you just have to stop and smell the roses. it's really not that hard. we only have to open up our eyes..


---

蔡旻佑-我想要说

看着右手被撕裂的伤口
爱好像曾经停留
而我左手按下号码之后
那首属于我的歌不再播送

默写你的爱过
坦承自己脆弱
对白怎么说
表情才不难过

我想要说
我想要说
如果没有了你
我该如何往下走
那一秒钟有没有发现我
倔强里的问候
怎么劝我放手
在这一切之后

整夜的风冷得我手颤抖
你在温暖的那头
熟悉路口再一次的路过
等在那角落的人已不是我

默写你的爱过
坦承自己脆弱
对白怎么说
表情才不难过

我想要说
我想要说
如果没有了你
我该如何往下走
那一秒钟有没有发现我
倔强里的问候
怎么劝我放手
在这一切之后

我想要说
我想要说
如果没有了你
我该如何往下走
那一秒钟有没有发现我
倔强里的问候
怎么劝我放手
在这一切之后

怎么劝我放手
在这一切

praise God!

i just checked my email on the off chance that it might be fixed.
guess what?
IT'S FIXED.

i am so elated now. =DDDDDD

but oh no it's time for bed..no worries though as God will bless, for sure ;)

my hotmail is down, and i feel really frustated at it.
man, imagine getting so pissed off at an inanimate piece of technology.
gave up trying to fix it after 1.5hours. pfft.

this is a little plea of mine to any reader here who might miraculously know the solution to my problem. basically i can read emails and download attachments, but i can't type any outgoing emails. for one thing my rich text function is disabled/greyed out/can't be clicked on. same goes for the textbox where you type your email in. mouse clicks don't work and hence i can't type. can't click on any of those font or bold or line spacing functions at the top of the box too.

i really pray that this is temporary, and really temporary at that.
ah really bad mood now.
but, this super nice song somewhat makes up for it.. =)


---

Who Am I - Casting Crowns


Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I?
That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wandering heart.

Bridge:
Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.

Chorus:
I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.

Who am I?
That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again.
Who am I?
That the voice that calmed the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in me.

Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.


I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.

Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.


I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.
I am yours.

Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
I am yours..
I am yours..

it really feels very good to do the right thing.

it's a blessing just to be where He is and do His will.

some things you just won't want to let go. not for a long long time. i think people really ought to listen to their heart more and be less concerned about what the mind wants. the heart knows what we truly want and need.

blown my saturday despite having chem and math test next week (and not really having started mugging proper), but it was well worth it.

oh great adonai.

sleep debt and more sleep debt. i can't seem to shake it off.
i think if we didn't have the need to sleep our days would have so much more time. but that's just leaving in an unrealistic world so oh well.
time is really man's most scarce resource.

i thought the whole debate on Chinese education in Singapore recently was very interesting. how often do you see people rising up to defend the Chinese language? i just think that not very many bother about the language or even bother to speak it for that matter anymore, so indeed it's heartening to see such a response from the public. and i do stand on the side of "no reduction in weightage of Chinese in PSLE". Chinese is already generally viewed poorly in the country now and if it's put down any further in its status in the education system we can say goodbye to the language permanently tens of years down the road.

to be honest, the benefits (to us anyway) of our ASL project isn't about the end product. it's more of the process...i think interviewing members of the public is a rather insightful thing to do. and it really puts you out in the open to experience the bigger world. sometimes school does things to you by confining you to a rather limited environment sheltered and if i would say quite radically different from the real world. we need exposure, yes we do. it's probably the only way we can grow.

brain has exhausted for today (must be due to sleeping at 2am yesterday), timeout for now!

a takeaway from spiderman 3 movie: we all (have the right to) make our own choices. it's up to us whether we make the right choice or not.

i'm really glad (and blessed) to have made what few right choices in the more important matters of my life.

40 days of faith. let's go.

---

方炯镔 - 坏人

那 一扇车门
关出 我们的裂痕
一声就震断了回头的路程

爱 无法均分
以后 就留给你们
也许用伤害结束 爱才更动人

* 容忍的人其实并不笨
只是宁可对自己残忍
既然爱不能恒温
祝福就给你下一个人

** 你是好人 也是个坏人
对我坦承 只为了朝他狂奔
不能放任 所以放了
这点痛我还能忍

我是好人 也是个坏人
分得够狠 你才有借口转身
宁愿爱 一点不剩
也不忍 看恋人爱成路人

三个人从不对等
总有个人必须牺牲
那永恒 就等他带你完成

你是好人 也是个坏人
对我坦承 只为了朝他狂奔
不能放任 所以放了
这点痛我还能忍

我是好人 也是个坏人
分得够狠 你才有借口转身
宁愿爱 一点不剩
也不忍 看恋人爱成路人

宁愿爱 一点不剩
也不忍 看恋人爱成路人

sometimes the happiness that we seek can be really simple.
it should be. and probably is.
interesting fact: apparently we can't justify why happiness is desirable. it just is.


"Seeing the Miracle of Multiplication

The opposite of a scarcity mentality is an abundancy mentality. With an abundancy mentality we say: "There is enough for everyone, more than enough: food, knowledge, love ... everything." With this mind-set we give away whatever we have, to whomever we meet. When we see hungry people we give them food. When we meet ignorant people we share our knowledge; when we encounter people in need of love, we offer them friendship and affection and hospitality and introduce them to our family and friends.

When we live with this mind-set, we will see the miracle that what we give away multiplies: food, knowledge, love ... everything. There will even be many leftovers."


that should be pretty self explanatory.
caring for others is one of the best things that you can do in life.
give all you can, because we should all live today like it's our last.
no regrets, have no regrets. what more can we ask for than that.

short post as i'm totally beat (think my stamina's quite bad). oh well next time.

Friends and Their Unique Gifts

No two friends are the same. Each has his or her own gift for us. When we expect one friend to have all we need, we will always be hypercritical, never completely happy with what he or she does have.

One friend may offer us affection, another may stimulate our minds, another may strengthen our souls. The more able we are to receive the different gifts our friends have to give us, the more able we will be to offer our own unique but limited gifts. Thus, friendships create a beautiful tapestry of love.


we all have alot to go in embracing our friends for who they are huh?

saw this channel 8 show called 从心开始 today (yes it's meant to be a pun). it's a rather good show! beats the run-of-the-mill boring dramas and variety shows that tend to pop up. and it's actually the first time i've seen such strong audience response; cause the show was featuring this lady who couldn't get over her husband's death and thus couldn't properly love her son (who of course got neglected as a result). there were many public calls pouring in...like wow seriously. and these people aren't calling in to toss in some random comment, they're actually serious about offering words of advice. i'm impressed by the impact.

anyway, i think we're all pretty immature beings. that wasn't meant to be a dig though, i'm saying it in a very matter-of-fact manner. i mean, we bother so much about the things that shouldn't matter, and don't pay attention to those that do matter, perhaps so much more than what we've always thought did. even adults behave like insensible kids only too often. it's good to "have the kid in you" at the right times, but otherwise we really need to wisen up and know where our priorities should lie.

ASL meeting has burnt the bulk of my labour day holiday today away, sigh. making a documentary with a team of 5 students is a tough chore and you better believe it.

ah well. have got such an exciting week ahead packed with tests to look forward to, plus a whole lot of things not yet done, like nyaa, training programmes, etc...

trust that He will (always) give us a way out eventually =)

humans are social creatures.

that was a really weird heading hmm.
but i feel pretty...what's the word for it? i can only think of "spiritually satisfied". there's an intrinsic value from reconnecting with friends that've grown distant, and from learning more deeply about some others. this isn't a value that can be replicated, hopefully ever (even with the possible technology we might have in years to come).

it's probably true that guys can't multitask. at least, i can't do that very well. all i've done the past hour is msn and more msn. oh and maybe facebook.

it has been a rather unproductive weekend (as usual).
i really wonder what june holidays would be like.

something to share:

"Losing and Gaining Our Lives

The great paradox of life is that those who lose their lives will gain them. This paradox becomes visible in very ordinary situations. If we cling to our friends, we may lose them, but when we are nonpossessive in our relationships, we will make many friends. When fame is what we seek and desire, it often vanishes as soon as we acquire it, but when we have no need to be known, we might be remembered long after our deaths. When we want to be in the center, we easily end up on the margins, but when we are free enough to be wherever we must be, we find ourselves often in the center.

Giving away our lives for others is the greatest of all human arts. This will gain us our lives."


i think one of the greatest pleasures i could get (since i can't accurately speak for everyone) is to have people tell me that they learnt something from what i write. not necessarily that they enjoyed it (in the more light hearted sense), but if i make even any provocative impact then it's been a meaningful piece.
maybe that's why i'm into personal development and all. i get people giving me the "you're weird" look when i'm spotted with books of the genre, but ah, i guess if i cave in to society's "norms" all so easily i wouldn't be the person i am today. i admit that there are many times where i do give in and end up not adhering to my deepest principles, but in life there are balances and equilibrium everywhere. go think about it if you aren't convinced.

i have this (somewhat random) postulation that this would be an incredibly difficult interview question:
"describe the toughest dilemma of your life."
difficult yes, but it delves right into the depths of one's soul to find out what one is really made of.
interviewing people is an art, really. it isn't just throwing random funny questions at people and then at the end just dishing a haphazard judgement of the guy.

i realised, or more like reinforced to myself that i can't stand superficiality. i think i might be disgusted if i looked back at the oldest entries in this place which represent the immature me from secondary school.

it feels pretty empty, not having npcc for one whole week. i have not thought about when i would stop attending training. i could stop right here and now, but i won't. frankly, i want to be there till the end, and watch the sec 3s (the one batch i watched grow up) rise up to take over the helm of leadership. deep down there's some internal struggle over paying no heed to academics and just going all the way, but the logical side of me tells me to study or i'll just die really badly. i haven't got an answer to this dilemma yet and i reckon now isn't quite the time to make the decision either. i suppose my heart has already decided what to do long ago; time will reveal what that decision is then.
wah, looks like i'm way more emotional than i thought (and also than what people think of me).

this post is super disjointed, but guess what sometimes randomness works. something that "new thinking for the new millenium" taught me.

and productivity today was pathetic. i've only done GP homework so far? and that was what, 3 questions. ASL storyboard isn't done, and neither has studying for chem spa, physics test and econs test started. i need to constantly remind myself that i'm not alone, but even that can become quite an uphill task sometimes.
but hey, even faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains (and this is applicable to so many areas of my life). so what's stopping me?

before i get myself out of here, another song by JJ Lin. he's probably my favourite singer.

---

林俊杰 - 冻结

不小心回到那一天 不小心一切又重演
你如此完美的一切 竟会出现在我的世界

你说话不爱说第二遍 但偏在情人节那一夜
给我你心爱的项链 说了三次对我的爱恋

我那时糊涂 不明白为何你会哭
后知后觉以后 领悟

冻结那时间 冻结初遇那一天
冻结那爱恋 冻结吻你那瞬间
我也会疲倦
你的项链 在我身边 带我穿梭回从前

冻结那空间 冻结有你的世界
冻结那画面 冻结不让它溶解
我若是疲倦
你的项链 在我身边 发光在我胸前
你的项链 在我身边 陪伴著我过每一天