New Office

This is my 5th year into my business. Time flies..

We have moved into a new office..a bigger office..

After moving, I felt super stressed... hence, I regretted my decision. That's the problem with me. Too rash.. never think through properly and always act on impulse. I must NOT repeat this mistake again. Hopefully it will not be too costly a decision I made...

Beginning of this year, I talked to my partner about our business. It is surviving/floating but not doing great. I am drawing $2,500 per month which is miserable. My partner agreed with me. Hence, we decided to give this year a last shot. If it is still the same end of the year, then we will call it quit. We decide to expand aggressively...hire experienced sales people. Hence, our current premise cannot hold so many people.. we got to get a new place. But our current lease is not up yet... see our dilema? We decided to break the old lease and get a new place nevertheless. Hire more and more people...

As a result, our reserve is gone... and our overheads per month is $50,000. Scary... v scary... today is the 21 August... unknown to my staff, we have enough money to pay their salary this month... next month, we have to depend on God....

STRESS!!!

Granny and Second aunty

Last night, I dreamt of my granny and second aunty. Really miss u both very much! In my dream, my second aunty put nail polish for me while my granny cooked my favourite dishes. I was so loved by them when they were alive.

I miss you both so much!

Some thoughts

Some experiences, sometimes later, some situations change the way how you used to see certain things. For e.g. when I don't have any child, I can't understand why parents have to take leave when their children are having exam. I used to tease them for being kiasu. Now I understand.

Never in my life, I think I will be a stayed-home mum one day. Firstly, my career has always been good, secondly I don't know how to relate to kid and thirdly I have been brain washed that whoever stay at home is useless. But Daddy God know what is good for me. I was "forced" by circumstances to be a stayed-home mum. Lots of pressure and unhappiness initially. But by His grace, He sent people to talk to me and share with me their experiences. I began to see the benefits as a stayed home mum. I used to think it is all for Joy's benefits. It is indeed. But now I enjoy her and I know she will not be a child for too long. Suddenly I wish I was a stayed home mum when she was born. Joy grows up too fast. We are caught and blinded by the things of the world and cant see the simple but priceless joy that our children can bring to us. I share my experiences with a few of my good friends but I can see it in their eyes that they don't agreed with me. I felt so sorry for them becos money cannot buy time.

I started to do marketing. It is a stressful affair to me. Now I can relate to my mum when she said she is stress cos dunno what to cook, dunno what to buy. I used to laugh at her and told her that my work is more stressful, so dun complain. I am sorry Mum. I was wrong. Not only it is stressful, it is very tiring. As CNY is approaching, many old folks buy lots of stuff to stock up so that their children can have a good reunion meal. Some were limping and yet still push their trolleys around and stack them up with food, they no longer as agile and yet still need to fight their way with the crowds. They did all these for their loved ones. Thank you mum for doing this for me for more than 30 years.

Well, this is a different season of my life....

Joy P1 Result

Time flies.... Joy has finished P1. Her result was ok... all band 1, English 94 marks, Chinese 89 marks and Math 88 marks. Her teacher's remarks about her " Joy has a sweet disposition and a gentle temperament. She is a promising pupil who has self motivation to perform well academically. Joy is friendly and well liked by her classmates."

I am shock to know that P1 is so competitive and difficult as compared to my era. I thought my girl should be fine and hence I let her cruise for half a year. My wake up call was when I met up with her teacher for a mid year review. Her remarks was she really need to buck up to catch up with the rest of her classmates. I was shocked because her result was an average of 80s. Apparently, it was considered as lousy, not good.... most of them got 100 or 90s. I have no choice but turned to be a kiasu parent. She started going for enrichment classes, I supervised her homework and she started doing assessment books.

Is this the right way to go? I don't know.... but for sure it yields good result and it brings relief to me and her.....

A shelter over my head

Due to a horrible and nasty neighbour downstairs, we decided to sell away our house though we were barely there for 9 months. When we bought this house, we intended to stay till Joy finished her primary school education.There was a price in my heart and I told Jesus if this price was met then we took it as a sign to sell. It was a very stretched figure. Miraculously it was met on the last day of my self imposed deadline and the last viewer bought it.

We rented a place at Carrissa Park for a year. I didn't give much thoughts about it till I moved in. It was a nice apartment. But I was upset. I couldn't comprehend why initially. For a moment, I suspected the place was unclean and hence it upseted my spirit. But then, I knew the next moment it was not. So I prayed and asked God why I am so upset. Then it became very clear. I was insecured. It was a rented place. It is not my house. The house belonged to someone else. One year later, I have to move out. Then where will I stay.... these uncertainties upset me.

It never occur to me the important of having a shelter over my head. A house that truly belongs to me. I can do whatever to the house and no one will say a word. It is the most basic of Masclow hierarchy of needs.

Now I pray that Jesus will bless me with a beautiful house soon. A place that I can truly call my own.

Updates

Just realised it had been more than 2 months since I last blogged. I have been very busy... yes, my business has miraclously been revivied. Business just came in without me having to hunt for it....Nice v nice... I have been very laid back for sometimes, so to get back to serious work, I need to "self motivate" my mental state...haha

Because I am so involved with Joy for the past 1 year, I now struggle to upkeep my commitment with her and work. Haiz....

Play by ear I guess.... my office lease will be up next year March. Will see how then....

An old friend

I met up with an ex-ex colleague for lunch recently. We were in the same company when we were both management trainee. Being young and innocent, we were bullied by our seniors. Becos we were in the same boat, we became good friends. Then our path separated for a few years. After some years later, I recruited her to be part of my dept when she was very down in her career. After I left the company for a greener pasture, I recommended her to replace my position then. She did a very good job and is a high flyer now. Because I "helped" her then, she is extremely grateful to me even till now. I told her many times you are where you are because of your hard work. It has nothing to do with me.

I shared with her my circumstances now. She told me that when we were both management trainees, I told her my wish is to retire by age 30. Haha... honestly I can't remember...but maybe I did say something like that.... so, she said,"Aren't u glad your wish come true though is 5 years late?" She believes there are ups and downs in life. How we are taking it and learning from it make the differences. Well said, girl!