Save The Marriage, PLEASE!

Is it so easy to end a marriage, just by simply saying the word "Divorce" and sign the papers?

It saddens me to know how my friends are coping with their parents' 20-year marriage just come to an abrupt end. Usually it is bcos of the husband is suspected/has a extramarital affair, but there are times when the wife is at fault too. I wish I could help the estranged families in any ways, but I dunno how to, as yet.

The sad thing I always hear from them is that, they pray very hard for a miracle to happen in the family. It always ends up in disappointment and further hurt, bcos God did not answer their pleas or plight. It then lead to the disappointed friend losing the faith and trust in God, thinking "God" is just an illusion or sorts.

I really wish we could all stop turning to God only when we need Him to help us with our problems. He deserve due respect when He pours blessings unto us too. How often do we remember thanking God for the things He done in our lives, yet we overlooked them and treat the blessings as "luck"?

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Friend "S" used to love God with all his heart. He always go church, meetings and read the Bible very faithfully. One day, he realised about his dad's unfaithfulness towards his mum. Not only did he not mediate between them, he showed no concern to help salvage the parents' marriage. The parents eventually separated and had since lived in different apartments, S followed his mum obviously.

Now, S not only dun come to church anymore, he dun trust that God can help his parents' marriage anymore. S gave up asking God for help. I'm not saying S is totally at fault, I know he prayed very hard during that time, but I feel that he could have done better to help as a son to his parents. His attitude towards the situation was very immature and nonchalant. It saddened me further when I see lil efforts made by him, to resolve the situation between his parents or with God.

S had so much potential, so much to learn and give, but it looks like he has chosen a path that is gonna be quite stormy and a big roundabout in life. It din seem to matter when I shared with him my personal roundabout life's experiences, bcos he has followed that same path I once ventured to.

Some has given up on him, others (including me) continue to believe and pray that one day he'll eventually turn back to God, towards the One who is all-powerful and all-knowing. I just met S recently, he tried so hard to smile and pretend all is fine, behind that mask. I felt sad, awkward and disappointed, to see how much he tried to change outside of his personality, for the sake of that girl and those useless company of friends of his. It was an awkward supper, by the way.

Hopefully my birthday present to you would be of some help to your spiritual life, bcos I feel that you have drifted way too far away, like a drifting log in the ocean. I have heard nuthin from you ever since that supper, I feel very sad. No words of appreciation or thanks, no words of God's wisdom and encouragement came either, unlike the days when you used to text me so much positive stuff.

S, you may try very hard to avoid God's voice or us, but we believe that you'll return soon enough. You are missed by us all. Dun give yourself anymore excuses to escape reality. Remember the anointing you have when you first learnt the guitar, remember the dreams and prophesies He placed in your heart, remember the love you received from Him.

I'll always remember the song you taught us in class once, "When God Ran". Everytime I hear this song on my mp3, you come across my mind w/o fail. Ironically, you have now become the source of why God is actually running for. My heart hurts and cries for your return. We really want you back!

I sound like some major cult freak now, but really I'm not hor. I feel very burdened, I wanna tell S all these but I know he won't listen to this - bcos he'll obviously come up with more excuses.

OK, enough of this sad sob S. I wish someone can enlighten me on how to help these affected people who are affected by their parents' dysfunctional marriage. Thank you.

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p/s: Marriage is for life. You dun make that lifelong marriage vow of saying "I do" at the ROM or wedding altar, for the sake of the first few years of passionate love.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (New International Version)

⁴Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.⁸Love never fails. -Source

No Smoking!

Did you know that I never tried smoking b4?

Not even one stick, nor a single puff outta curiosity.

I know I look like gangster at certain angles, I behave like ah-lian* (female gangster/hooligan) at certain times, I got that smoker face too, BUT I NEVER EVER SMOKE B4!

-IN YOUR FACE!-

I'm so proud of myself, that I managed to have that willpower to hold on to my stand about no-smoking to my body. Despite those pig-and-dog-friends of mine trying to be the devils when I was in poly, I admit I was tempted many times in the 3 years there, however thank God I could hold my urge to light one stick just to TRY. Ha!

So kids, please dun try smoking. It's never good for you, neither is it cool to people. You are just a loser if you smoke, really. You wanna be a winner, right? Good boys and girls =)

NO SMOKING!!

I'm Sorry!

Not sure if this is called emo-ing, but I just felt I need to release all the negative feelings from my soul right now. Detoxifying my soul, I say =) Here goes a very long entry, pardon the words and my prayers.

I realised so many more flaws about my character over the past month or so.

I realised how much I've changed over this bull-shit year, for the worst.

I realised how much I've taken my family, bf, God and His blessings for granted.

I realised how much more I needed to be moulded by God and great people of my life.

I think that I've not done my role as a Christian, very well this year. I've slackened off so much for no reason. Well, maybe bcos of my discouragement in certain people, and for not finding a decent rat-race job, despite much emailing of resumes out to screwed-up HRs all over Singapore!

My temper has worsened hundredfold, and it has reverted back to my ol' ways in secondary school. Sighs. I remembered telling myself that I'll never be that monster again, but sadly I fell back into that since August this year. I dunno what went wrong with me lately, I just snapped at every single thing I felt frustrated at.

I hate nagging so much, especially from Mama and bf.

I hate being rejected despite doing my best for job interviews.

I hate being the last-minute substitute for roles that cannot be filled.

I hate going to church with a heavy heart and guilty conscience.

I hate being the role model to the younger kids, when I feel unworthy to be called one.

I hate it when I just tear up and sob like a baby (literally), just to relieve the frustrations off my heart.

I hate it when the devil uses all my weaknesses to attack me when I'm totally unguarded.

I hate the fact that I lack the discipline to do my daily personal devotion, unlike some other leaders or youths.

I hate the fact that I'm starting to feel like a dunno-what's-going-on-with-the-world-outside ignorant housewife, when I dun even do housework or isn't a housewife.

I hate myself, my stupid temper, my intolerance of people asking me trivial stuff and more.

AAARRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!

Over this period of all-time low, I appreciate the fact that my family and bf loves me unconditionally, even though I can be a total jackass to them. I told God that I must really learn to control my disgustingly bad temper from now on. I dun want to be a grumpy monster at all! I hate it when people do that to me too lor.

I know that I've particularly hurt my mother and bf alot over the past 7 weeks, just bcos I was so damn impatient and peeved at every single thing I hear. I said hurtful things, I do hurtful stuff and I think hurtful thoughts. I'm a super meanie girl.

I remember somewhere last month, bf and I had a extremely bad quarrel, that threatened our relationship to the verge of breakup. After sobbing hard like a stupid baby the entire night, I realised that my ego and pride has gotten a big fat stronghold upon my life, and it is bad!

I find it so difficult to swallow my pride to verbally apologise to bf, when I'm at fault and was the baddie. Yet, I could easily apologise to anyone else. See, I've taken my dearest bf for granted, big time. I hate to let people see my weak and vulnerable side, bcos I hate to be pushed around like how I was in my childhood days.

I spent some days reading this particular blog and its archives, from a very down-to-earth and humble person I know. I read her posts about the love she had for her family and bf. Her love languages were slightly different from mine. She expressed her love best in Quality Time and Personal Touch. I'm more of a Words of Affirmation and Quality Time.

I felt that I got so much more to reflect on and do to clean up my acts. Indeed it was timely for me to read her blog, so I can understand how much God is working in her life too, bcos she has somewhat-almost the same character and personality as me. The temper problem is the big one.

Digressing just abit, I just realised there are 5 languages for Apology too! Here's a lil test for you to do and know which language of apology you prefer =)

Ok, back to where I was, I just wanna take this time and space to say this to my bf.

"Baby, you know how much I love you, and how much I need you in my life. I sincerely and truly apologise to you for all the hurtful things I've said and done to you, over the past year. Indeed, we tend to easily forget and assume that our closest ones will accept the flaws of us no matter how ugly it is. However we forget that they are human beings too, with feelings and emotions just like ourselves.

I know that I'm the jerk in this relationship. I can be very wilful, annoyingly mean, impatient and crazily kuku. I cry so much whenever I know how much hurt I've caused you each time we quarrelled, on the phone or in public. Yet, I lack the courage to apologise to you, always.

All this while when I was acting all crazy and mad, you were so patient and loving to me. I caused you so much inconvenience, loss of face and frustrations till you went bonkers too. You are super duper good to me. How can I ever find another boy like you? I thank God everyday, for bestowing you, the special someone, into my life. W/o you, I think I'd still be that stupid girl in the past, wound up in all the regrets of my mistakes.

You know me inside out, well just slightly more than my sister. 10 years of knowing you, my dear. Our relationship has been thru all sorts of patterns and we are still learning and working towards a happy future marriage life together too.

How could I ever thank God enough for you in my life, right? I treasure you so much, baby. Thank you baby, for loving me unconditionally, just like how my parents and God do. You are all I ever wanted, and I know you are always mine =)

I love you, my dearest Teh Cher Hao! -MUACKS!- "

To my mama,

"I know I'm a very impatient person. I always lose my cool ever so easily at you. Let's compromise, you stop nagging incessantly and I'll talk calmly with no annoyance in my voice ok? I really dun wish and I hate to be a grumpy girl to you. I dun wish to hurt you in any ways again. I always remember that verse about honoring my parents, but it's easier said than done. God, help me please! I hate being so irritating and bad to my mother. I'm such a bad daughter.

I'm sorry, Mummy. Forgive me. "

Shit lah, I cried so much while typing out this post. My blanket full of mucus liao. Now, my ultimate prayer to God.

"God, I'm truly sorry for everything I've done in Your eyes. My life seems to have so many untold secrets and lies yet I know they can't be concealed forever. I've always struggled with accountability and temptations of the flesh. Please, God, help me to be strong and to have courage to beat that darn devil off my back and mind.

Indeed it's so difficult to go the right path, yet it's so easy to stumble into the sinful ways. Jesus is so wonderful, how He ever conquered sin so effortlessly? Your Word has spoken to me umpteen times, it is obvious that I'm stubborn and stupid to listen to You. Humble me, O Lord! I really need Your wisdom and courage to defend that donkey devil!!

Dun let me lose that passion for Your kingdom. Help me to be a warrior of Yours! Forgive me of all my transgressions, help me to overcome these stumbling blocks, guide me thru the deep dark valleys of death, sin and false leadership (abit random but true) too. Give me Your discernment and directions. Renew in me a clean heart, one that is after You only.

Thank You Lord, for loving me so unconditionally. I love You more and more each day, whenever I learn about Your grace and mercy for us. A God that never sleeps nor slumbers, the Only One I can depend on. Thank You Lord! "

I feel better after pouring out my deepest feelings from my soul (for 1.5 hours nonstop). Hopefully I regain some directions, drive and determination in my walk with God and with man.

p/s: I'm not crazy ok.... I just need an outlet to let my mind do relax-therapy!

Jesus loves you!

Happy 23rd Birthday to Shi Yun!

Location: TM Cafe Cartel

Date: 13.09.09

Attendance: ALL were present, finally!

In lieu of Shi Yun's 23rd birthday on 911, we had a slightly belated dinner celebration last Sunday. It was a great time spent together as buddies, even as we are so busy with the rat race this year. Almost all of us were late, but we still had lotsa fun catching up!

Birthday girl :D with her lil longan almond cake.

White squarish bag =) for her uni studies!

Not-so-little red-white shoes =)

Fits her rather well and looks darn good lah! It's very her anyway!

Group shots of us buddies!

The staff at Cafe Cartel were really polite, I like. Haha! The food tasted really good that evening too. Maybe it's just our good moods affecting our judgement lah. Haha!

Happy birthday to you once again, Shi Yun! Buddies forever~! See ya all in November for all the boys' birthdays!!!

MLTR Eternity Concert

I was thinking of blogging between Sydney trip Day 3-4 or Shi Yun's 23rd birthday dinner. Well, I think I should blog about the recent MLTR concert I went with the Tehs. Haha!

I won 2 FREE pairs of tickets from Class 95 contest, thanks to Cher Hao's "magical" handphone. His phone has the special ability to win radio contests when all our phones always can't seem to even get thru the phone line. Haha!

We decided to ask his brother and cousin along, since we have somewhat heard of their songs in the 90s era. It was a good 2 hours spent there, clear weather and great "live" concert music.

At Fort Canning Park, open concept.

The moon that evening was especially bright and full. Lighted the night sky very luminously.

The lead singer of MLTR (Michael Learns to Rock) sings live really well. The only time he was off was when he hit the wrong key on the keyboard. It was pretty obvious though.

We never knew there was a female band member, who was a bassist. During one of the interludes, she was performing a rather high-pitched song. Conclusion of her performance: CH and I agreed that she should stick to her bass guitar, she's doing a good job there already.

All in all, it was a good evening.

We thank God for his blessings, bcos of our honesty when we found a wallet full of ringgits when we were in Langkawi. Haha! It was of equal value in Sing dollars, with the 4 tickets. How good and faithful He is!

JUMP!

It was a last-minute decision to go for this live comedy show, as I only booked the tickets 2 days b4 the show itself. After watching the JUMP! advertisment numerous times on TV, I thought it would be nice to bring Cher Hao along to catch this Korean performance, since he's so into Korean culture etc.

Thank God I managed to get 2 tickets at the cheapest category, yet at students' 10% discount. Haha! The view was superb, I almost thought we were given the wrong seating. LOL!

Rushed straight after afternoon church class yesterday, in the stupid heavy thunderstorm, w/o lunch and was drenched to the skin. It was worth it, given that it was an awesome performance by those talented and flexible performers!

At Esplanade Theatre

Sunday 3pm matinee show

The student-priced ticket =)

The JUMP stage!

3 levels of audience, so close to full house on a Sunday afternoon!

The $88 stall seats below us. Best seats for the day.

The sound and lightning personnel. They did a great job!

Happy us! Actually most of the time, Cher Hao was LOL-ing more than me. Haha!

The post-show autograph session, with the main cast!

We din buy the program for the autographs, so we just snap pics. Budget lah!

The "grandfather's" trademark pose, with wings flying. Haha!

The "husband" in the show - quite a handsome chap =)

(L to R): "Mother", "Daughter", "Son-in-law", blocked chap, "Robber 1"

Ever-smiling grandfather and handsome husband.

It was a wonderful Sunday afternoon, other than the crowds at City Hall and Suntec areas. We are kinda interested to watch more arts performances now, however it is the prices that always make us hesitant. Ha! Someone, bless us please!

Sydney Graduation Trip: Day 1-2

Well, this is few months overdue from my Sydney graduation trip, so I thought since I'm free today, why not pull in the best few pics I got in my album of 1200 pics =)

So here we go, a massive galore of lovely G'Day pictures and collages!!

Day 1: Off to Sydney!!

Arriving at Changi Airport Terminal 3 @ 2230; all ready for boarding!! -excited me!-

Inside boarding gate area! Must walk about 10 mins to our gate B9! Crazy terminal design!!!!

Inside B747 flight to Sydney via SQ222!

In-flight entertainment never upgrade, ever since the last time I took an SQ flight 9 years back =\

Snack time in the middle of the night =.= and Breakfast at 6am!

Sunrise in Australia =)

Various terrain types of the country! Lovely morning skies and deep waters!

Landed in Sydney International Airport!

Woohoo~ my butt was so sore, my legs were so cramped and were aching so badly! I need A380 Suite treatment!!

In the cab to our apartment.

The cab drivers here in Sydney need their trusty GPS although it is so darn lousy!! No1 seem to know the way very well =\

The fares are relatively more expensive than SG, so we should really stop complaining lah!

Interesting way of advertising DHL services =)

At Waldorf Apartments!

Our apartment for the next 10 days in Sydney!!

A decent 1-bedroom and living room, kitchen and balcony, like a standard HDB 2-room flat.

The rooftop and the autumn scenery from up there, is fantastic!!

Our daily breakfast is just cereal and coffee, for 10 days straight.

Walking down the streets of Chippendale, Sydney =)

Lovely cooling autumn weather. If only Singapore is like this every single day, this would be a perfect Singapore. Hahaha!

Day 2: Graduation Day! (the main purpose of the whole trip)

Sweet ol' campus buildings.

Hundreds of graduates from the earlier ceremony, at the tea reception.

Dressing room: where we get our gowns, funny hat and colour scarf thing.

All dressed and ready for the ceremony!

List of graduates from our batch =)

I'm in the Credit section (better than a normal pass cert)!

Jittery camera skills taken by a fellow UTS kid. LOL! Not with my (actually CH's) camera, definitely. Credits to Bryan's camera =) He smuggled it in, with much trouble. LOL!

The 4 of us from Singapore, officially graduating on Sydney campus! Woohoo~!

(L to R: Tay, Bryan, Julia, Hirlie)

GRADUATE LIAO LO!!

I'm in between the boys, kana blocked =\

Proud and relieved me, with my gigantic degree certificate =)

I think Hirlie's wife told me to pose like this, to show the mixed emotions of leaving school finally and all. LOL!

I din like the pic bcos my face look like a flatfish, especially my big nose =\ Eeeks!

Proud father and daughter :D

The UTS apparels and souvenirs store. LOL!

We had quite alot to eat for dinner that day, since we were all frizzled out totally by the day's happenings. The food was sadly, not very yummy, given that it is HK and Macau style. Ha!

Isn't great to have long picture posts once in awhile eh? Day 3 onwards, coming up soon lah. Wait up ya. Meanwhile, savour slowly on this. Good day!