A new chapter

In the past year, there have been a lot of changes in my life. My ex-husband and friend, Sean, passed away at the age of 39. My boyfriend's grandfather passed away leaving his disabled son without a caregiver. My boyfriend and I decided we would take care of his uncle. Since that decision, we have been surviving a two state relationship in which he travels back and forth to Oklahoma. Sometimes with his uncle, sometimes alone when another family is able to care for his uncle. Long distance relationships can work but I have decided it would be easier to live closer to him and his uncle. For the past three months, I have been actively editing my resume and applying for a career in my chosen field. I was starting to get discouraged when I was unable to find the right fit for me. Don't get me wrong. I had interviews. I just did not have the experience that was needed and honestly, I did not feel I was the right person for the job. I am happy to say that all that hard work and waiting paid off though. I have accepted a job in Golden, Colorado. I can not wait to begin this new chapter in my life. Now begins apartment hunting, packing, providing my work with a resignation letter, informing my current land lord that I will be moving, and of course, saying good bye to the client's I have built a working relationship with over the past year. I am happy, sad, and stressed out all at the same time. It is a lot of stress. I thought I was handling it pretty well but what my mind is telling me and what my body are telling me are two different things. Today I have been dealing with tremors. I am not sure why. I looked up the side effects for my seizure medication. Tremors is a side effect. I guess I will not panic then. I am trying to remain calm. Stress is one of my triggers. I think I am doing very well considering. One month to move to another state......this is suddenly feeling more and more real. One day at time....I need to tell myself to take one day at a time.

Seizure free.....

It has been over a year since my last seizure. It is a great feeling to know that my seizures are controlled by medication. I have my freedom....I can drive. But..... Is it really freedom? I have been asking myself this question over the past few months. While I am very happy that I am able to drive and perform my duties as a child welfare worker, I live in fear every day. I know that one seizure, no matter how "big" or "small" (for lack of better words), would result in loss of my license in the state of Oklahoma. When I am sitting at my desk and I realized some time has gone by that I do not remember, I pray no one noticed. Having a seizure is scary but not knowing when the next seizure will hit you is even scarier. I truely believe it is important to live life to the fullest. However, it is sometimes hard to control the fear of the unknown. It is perfectly normal to be afraid of not knowing what tomorrow holds. But not knowing when a seizure will occur is a fear that can not be explained with words. I know of other people who have been diagnosed with epilepsy. Not everyone's experience with epilepsy is the same because there are many different types of seizures. I fear loss of my license, loss of my freedom, loss of my ability to perform the duties of my job, loss of my career, and, most of all, I fear death. I will not let this fear control me though. I will live on despite my fears. I am living with epilepsy. Yes.....I am living.