The Very Last Day of 2011

Food food food!!! ^^ we went Newcastle for new year gathering organised by KC. After the lunch gathering we went to JPC and watch fireworks at civic centre, Newcastle. ^^

I miss home. Miss the moment we spent gathering as family together!!!

December!!

December has always been my favourite month. Not only because of Christmas celebration but also the mean of getting a new chapter of life. A new year, a better one. I always feel refresh during Christmas day. Not only because everyone is celebrating it with laughters and joys but it is a day that always remind me of how lovely and great is God. Christmas always reminds me the amount of blessing I've got from God and everyone around me. How naughty did I behave and God still forgive me. ^_^ Christmas!! A definitely gain weight season! As all my lovely uncle,aunts, kanids will start to plan their programmes and BBQ is always on the list!!

Sadly,this year I won't be able to be at home!! But anyway, I'll be organising my own Christmas with my new family at Sunderland!! *hope so!* planning to try try cook our own turkey or swan! Hope that works as well!! ^^ but one thing for sure... I will have snow for this Christmas!!! HHooOOOrrRRaayyyy!!!! ^^

Assignment Submission- Spoiled my night.

Submitted my assignment and thought that I could finally sleep well tonite!! But, but, but, the percentage of plagiarism hit me!! Darn~! another nite with insomnia.  Never had serious insomnia in Malaysia before, but always had it here. It somehow makes me regret to move here as good sleep is always on top of my daily list. XD

Homesick?!? Country-sick? A little... I admit...

I'm not really a person that has homesick experience since I left home for studies.  Only once, during end of my 1st year in Uni, i did.  But somehow, I won't blame it as it was my own decision to stay during that 2-months long holidays, as I was preparing myself to overcome some situation.  Life at England is different, I can't really find anyway to get back to my comfort zone.  Well, I knew this from start and that's actually part of my reason to choose here! (Just to be brave for once in my life!)  and when I decided to say YES to sunderland, I never though I'll miss Malaysia so much! and how good is Malaysia! especially the foods!! and yes... i miss travelling around with own transports. I miss driving around the town! Everytime I saw youngster driving around, I'm so so jealous and I miss it! especially driving together with frens and brian!

Meeting new frens and ppl aren't as easy as I think, mostly because our culture aren't the same, so our thinking are not as well.  Some of the words or thing, they couldn't accept and often... very often lead to misunderstanding that causes lot of explanation to be made.  So everytime I talked, I'll end up explaining my points, unless when I'm talking to Malaysian. Sometime, u'll be amazed how Malaysian could understand each other without saying in details! =D  oh well, it's a good training in communication as well, yet, somehow makes u feeling homesick that u can't shared it with ur loved ones.

I miss my sista! all those close sista! in miri, in bintangor, in kuching, in johor, all of them! Well, I dun reli have close girls at here at the moments.  Feels weird of myself sometime, I'm close with boys here and I feel like surrounded by brothers at home. Maybe I miss my brothers too much till that way! Well, they're lovely and caring as well, especially when they walked me back home, I feel touched and appreciate it so much!  Seeing the boys talking to each other also sometime makes me feel missing my brothers, those moments that 4 of us could sit down and chit-chat anything!  Those funny and crazy thoughts... those intimate feeling of siblings... and those noisy that we make during cny, even till now still make dad and mum feel annoying...

Gosh!! I miss everything in Malaysia as I write this.  I miss my Johor's housemate! They're like part of my life already! Especially whenever aiden msn or skype me, when ah bui facetime with me, when christopher skype me, when flo facebooking me!! All of them! all of this, I couldn't explained more if I am not at my position right now.  Yeah... when u're out of ur comfort zone, u'll see the whole picture of how much does the loved one should be appreciate, how much you miss them and how tiny are you in control of your life.... I admit... I'm slightly homesick or maybe lots and lots of homesick currently.

Something to Motivate Myself...

Exam Week

Most of you just finished your paper or maybe still got 1 paper to go~ but I just started mine~ ^^

Touched 2

Second vision came to me as Pastor was calling and praying for Holy Spirit to filled our mind and soul. At first, I didn't felt anything and I thought I won't felt anything tonite. But it came, just before the Pastor asked someone to share their vision.

I saw myself and my hand are being hold by a man, whom I cannot see his face. I was lead into a triangle shape of silver steel and the triangle shape is turning around me, it feels like being lock inside with fears in me. Then, the man, again, he hold my hand and bring me of out it, where I feel relieve after that. But then, he told me, you have to replace and put a blue and white light on it, then we move on.

I couldn't interpret it clearly. But I knew it is something God wants to speak to me.

Touched

It's Good Friday! As usual, we went for church services on this day. But the amazing part of this Good Friday is I can feel that God is trying to speak to me. I admit that, it's been a really long while ever since everyone that prayed for me, keep telling me that God wants to speak to me. I listened to them but somehow the message didn't got into me. Maybe I was afraid. Afraid of all the circumstances I have to face if I silence myself down. Or maybe God knew and waiting for the right time.

I heard a voice and had a vision that. God is telling me to open up myself. There is a vision of me hugged by a man and I lay my head upon his shoulder. A very quick and clear vision, and a very clear voice telling myself to forgive my own. The voice continue saying, "I've come and paid it all for you, my dear. Why can't you just forgive yourself, Rona. and stop." I asked back, "teach me, how to open up my heart." But the voice, " open up your heart, and forgive yourself." keep on repeating, as well as the vision came for the second time.

It just ended up that way, I didn't told anyone about it as I'm not sure who to turn to. But, in that few minutes, I felt really comforted.

I label this as Toughest part of my life as well because the thing that has been keeping and pulling me for all this while is the most tough happening in my life till I could hardly let it go and forgive myself.

Step 1

"Time flies that sometime we din even have the chance to look at it carefully. I've made my life's decision today~ this time there's no more turning back and so on~ either you strike or you fall, Rona. It's all starting from today. "

I named it as step 1 because this is the day I paid for my tuition fee. I am touched, so touched until I can't barely describe the word, how much did my parents done for me.  How could I repay all back? Daddy hair turned to white, mummy looks older than when I first flied to Labuan for my matriculation. It was just 6years ago but things changed so much that I couldn't even get a chance to look at it one by one. I told myself that I should remember this day, this feeling, how I felt for them, recorded it, that I may always remember this wherever I stepped for the rest of my life.  I shouldn't forget this feeling and strive on behalf of them because they deserve it so much more than I should.

 

Chaotic and Hectic April 2011

It's been a chaotic and hectic April this year. Assignments, Works, all came in non-stop-Ly. Stress covered my days but I... I couldn't do anything except leave it to God. I am worry and stress but I'm also good in stay away and hiding it. *I guess*.  The way how things goes in this month of April, I'm concerned, whether can I faced it alone when I'm outside of my comfort zone?? I choose to be outside of my comfort zone, bravely. But then am I really ready for that? I'm going to live with strangers *althou we're same hometown, I named them strangers b'coz I do not knw who they are now* under one roof. I'm going to walk to class alone~ *Have to wake up on my own as well* No more buddies surrounding, I have to find one on my own. Or else, stress, relief, tension, nervous is all under my own. Will i able to handle it with care?

I remember Peggy asked me about am I really sure of what am I doing? Decide it before it's too late. Whether do you really wanna make SHE as your lifetime job? To be precise, I'm in doubt as well, aren't it's such a pity story that we've spent more of our lives in educating ourselves and yet we still feel that it's NOT RIGHT??   I'm not sure whether I can really make it as my lifetime work, but it just feel so right ever since I've decide to take this as my master. I couldn't felt the same way like I went for my degree years ago. *which i never tell anyone before* Even though, some of the class is boring and boring, but I still felt I like the way it is.  That's the reason, I go for it. I take and shallow all the possibilities I might faced and stepped out of my own circles and GO FOR IT.

 Even though, it's full of worries and scariness, but still, I believe there's always a reason behind these feelings. 

Buried.

It's not a new movie but I just watched it tonite.  I think it's cool!! It's actually really impressed me.  Never heard of movie with only one location and situation.  Plus, the location is in a coffin!! Buried alive.  It's actually reflect how life really are.  Even though, we're free to move around, do we really out of the box or coffin? Or we're only moving inside the box and trying so hard to get out of it??  What can we do if we are been bury alive?  How should we free ourselves?  You'll got that winding  in your mind after you watched this.

Weekend Eve and Weekends Fun!!

Thursday, after morning class.... It's durian time!!!! 9 of us went to tmn. U for some durian hunting.  We ate almost 1 and half dozen of durians and it only cost us rm9 per person!! ^^ I bought 4 pieces for brian and dad after tht. ^^

It's Friday!! Friday has always been the busiest day of the week~ This friday I canceled one of my tuition and went tebrau jusco for a movie!! ^^ and I found myself a new car when I arrive there. ^^

Saturday~ as usual~morning went out early for tuition then afternoon we went bukit indah for lamb chop at thamara!! I think I'll gonna miss this place~ the lamb chop is superb!!

All time favourite!! This is one of my fav. coconut drink from jusco bukit indah. ^^

Must GrAB!!!!

Wake up to a free breakfast!! Tht's what I really did, for a free 2 big breakfast set.  I think it's really worth it!! RM5 for 2 sets of big breakfast. Share it with your companion, definitely you'll pay the price with "I'm Lovin' It." on your mind. ^^

Happiness . Joy . Excited
That is how I fell after this CNY holiday. I got email from my education consultant claiming that I've been awarded some amount of scholarship from University of Sunderland.

Well, this is what I wish for ever since~~ *I couldn't remember how long it was* but I knew it is part of my 101 dreams which I could stepped out of my own comfort zone, going to some place where there is no one there to protect and depends on.  To strike on my own and see how far can I make it.

There is always hard feeling to let go things and stepped out of our comfort zone.  But somehow, I've make decision, either it end up with good and bad.  It's just part of my dream, my life.  As I was on the way driving back to Johor (from kl), deep down in my heart, I felt I'm gonna miss this place.  All the place where I've been enjoying and tears, I'm sure I'm gonna miss it.

CNY 2011

This year, most of my friends come over to my place and I really enjoyed it.  For the 1st time ever, the house's living room is full of my school mate! Well, I miss secondary school so much!! Even though, I'm not the talkative, active and loud type but sometime seeing them (my frens) being such enjoying talking and teasing and fooling around makes me happy as well. I just like being surrounded by frens.  Thanks for nice cny frens!!

Picture taken at Milo's house. ^^ First time went to her house. Everyone still the same old style for me. ^^ I'm glad we didn't change much. ^^  Wondering will I be around Miri for next year cny?? *still question mark*

It's Me or It's You?

As time flies, everything that goes around turn to be different. Hope, believe, and honesty, and also wealth, it all turned to be different. The person that I used to be known has changed. Things that usually happen doesn't turn up. Whether is it the way I looked at this world changed? Whether am I mature enough to evaluate? or am I still the one that thinking childishly? Human's nature, when surrounding changed dramatically, we could either felt comfortable or uncomfortable. Smile or Tears at the end of the day.

I choose to smile every morning when i woke up. Treat everything as usual as it is, and try to make every single seconds of my day, happy. But still, I hate to be alone. Especially at night. I remembered Britney Spears' "Lucky" (i'm not her fan anyway), and that's the way I felt mostly, at the end of the day. I couldn't help myself. I'm lucky, that most of the time, I am the last one to sleep in the nite. At least, no one will get worry. Sometime, I thought, maybe it's just too much anxiety. Too much and it's time to let go, and make it fast. I wish I knew how to let go some of my pieces.

Here's a quote I goggled and finds it quite match with my situation now. Enjoy~ 
"I believe we are still so innocent. The species are still so innocent that a person who is apt to be murdered believes that the murderer, just before he puts the final wrench on his throat, will have enough compassion to give him one sweet cup of water. "-Maya Angelou

Anxiety

When life knocks you down,

try to land on your back.

Because if you can look up,

you can get up.

Let your reason get you back up.

Worrying is like a rocking chair,

it gives you something to do,

but it gets you nowhere. ~Glenn Turner

Don't fight with the pillow, but lay down your head

And kick every worriment out of the bed.

~Edmund Vance Cooke~

I'm worry about something, someone this few week. A boy.
It's seem that many of my friend had troubles in losing part of their life comfort zone.
Sometime it does flash back my life, as i am a person who don't like to be alone as well.

Losing someone you really care or someone you wish to take care of is really not that easy. The word "LOVE" is sweet, tender, beautiful, joyfulness, victory but might be a disappointment word as well. But amongst hope, faith and love. LOVE is still the greatest of all. It influence us a lot especially emotionally which is the greatest weak point of our mind and might control our physical too.

Anyway, my advice is, boys, please please realize and make sure what are you doing and what do you feel and ensure you are heading the correct way of handling your emotion and LOVE. We as girls would prefer you to be honest with yourself and us. Plus, handle us with care and firm. If you choose to let go, Make it firm and clean. If you choose to grab it, Hold it strongly like you'll never had another chance anymore.