Just so darn frustrated with everything. I don't know what has gotten into me. Feel so upset. I need some more sleep I guess. And understanding.
Maybe distance just won't make the heart grow fonder.
Exams are over, hiphip hooray! I'm devastated, really. The results are going to be terrible. Something I don't think I will be able to take. So, I guess I'm already starting to feel the consequences of a disastrous route I took since a long time ago.
Movie marathon straight after the paper really took my mind off that devastation. Felt better. Till I had time alone on the train again. Mind started boggling up.
Sometimes we just don't have the luxury of time to enjoy anymore. I know, I can't just sit around and doodle in my previous achievements and just hope to do just as well without putting in effort. I need to work hard. I have the world to discover, and I cannot put that journey on hold due to a sheer lack of determination now.
Ah wells, all the best to me. I hope I don't collapse when I see my results for the semester. Disappointed as I might be, I shall move on. :) For the brighter future ahead! :D
Cheers!
My head's spinning on a Thursday morning, and I can't seem to concentrate on studying for the paper tomorrow at all.
Cooking kinda took my mind off some issues. Not sure what I'm looking forward to anymore. What a comfortable sofa. Maybe I should rest instead. :)
Sometimes I expect a lot, or a little more. So I stop to demand. Become upset when I don't see why I should even be demanding it. Then I realise I'm even more domineering to be carrying that thought. Haha.
What a greedy girl I am. There's nothing wrong with giving, just that sometimes I start to want something in return. And I guess that's where all the unhappiness starts flowing in.
So I learn selfless giving.
Sometimes I find myself reliant. Wishing more could be done. Expecting something different. Making a fuss out of little habits. And I find myself taking things for granted. Haha.
I must be such an ignorant fool. Sometimes, its habitual actions that make life reassuring and comfortable. And appreciating little actions of affection just makes life sweeter. :)
And so I also learn the joy of appreciation.
Pleasures in life, so simple to come by,
Celebrate in love.
Can someone please drop a bomb on me and make me realize its doomsday tomorrow because I have my first exam at 2 pm and I am not even halfway through revision? HAHA.
The weather is amazing, perfect for sleeping, snoozing, relaxing and having fun! WHY ARE PEOPLE STUDYING?! Such nincompoops.
Ah wells, just a couple more hours of torture before the real torment comes my way. Sorry if I've been neglecting calls or emails or offline messages. I only text, dial certain people and check Facebook occasionally.
I do realize I've been blogging quite consistently though. :D Come on Sylvia, a lot more chapters to go. :D Human Resource Management is seriously boring.
But oh wells, at least its applicable real life. (:
Back to Facebooking for another 5 minutes and sleep in 10. Tata!
Studying at home hasn't proven to be productive at all. Just realized that 24 hrs isn't that long. And 36 chapters of business modules just seems to be driving me nuts as I cram information into my veins.
Texting zhuangzhuang whilst studying could be fun though. Something I look forward to every few minutes to keep me from stressing up. (: My sister's company today made studying an even more relaxing activity with her nintendo and all that ghostly room escape games on the internet. Haha.
Gary's feeling better already. :) felt even more relieved when he said he could be taking up a job this weekend. This bodes well tidings. :) Looking forward to seeing him later!
Alright, and now its time to sleep. I attempted to wait for the korean show I'm currently hooked on to but my mum is exercising her ownership and authority over the tv and us. So no drama today I guess. :S
I hope my sister does well in her exams. Just this once at least. We all know she can. :)
Gary ran a fever this morning. I didn't know about it until 3.30 in the afternoon. What a bad girlfriend. A bad bad girlfriend. :(
All I can do is go about doing my daily routine, wishing he was better with every passing minute.
I cross my fingers, and hope he recovers soon. Even if it takes some part of me away from this earth.
WOS started with a much need twist. Friendships and working relationships all screwed up. To me, it was a terrible start. I'm not really clear on how it evolved to such a state already. Best friends to woeful spites. Hah. What a saddening tale.
It probably started with me, from as far as I know the story. The preceding events just unfolded as time has told it.
I've felt sad. Angry. Disappointed. Frustrated. Disgusted. And maligned. Whatever the case. Whatever said and told shall remain out to be heard and retold. Whatever not heard shall remain kept within.
I realized some times its better to be the devil. Because angels can never lie. And I've told countless lies to cover up one wrongdoing.
All in all, YFC this year has left a pretty deep mark on me. Scars probably, that might never heal in time. Broken friendships do hurt, just as much or even more than a failed romance. Somehow I know I will never mend this broken line. It seems to be better off left hanging.
Walking on Sunshine was probably how I, or we, wanted the participants to feel when they came down on Saturday. Our prayers were heard. The sun kept shining, and the rain never came down on us. The weather was perfect. The Start and Finish were ready. Samba percussionists, a beat boxer, cold drinks, well wishing, and a fanciful holding area.
All that lacked, were walkers.
I must have played my part real badly. NJ, GW, the children, AA, and my team of volunteers all seemed demoralized. I ran out of strength, but I knew I had to do something. All I remembered of that morning, was the encouraging honk for the flag off, the loud bangs of Baracuda on their drums, the smiles of Joey, Gladys and Ajay,and the joy of the children with Flo's dogs.
Everything else just slipped. Maybe that's what humans call selective memory.
Best friends stand by you through thick and thin, and I'm really grateful to have had Ruth, Zhuangzhuang and Bihshean by me all the way. I'm not sure how I would have pulled through if they weren't by me. They might have been forced to be with me, I'm not too sure. But anyhoos, I'm really glad, and I thank God for them.
Sorry for the violent outbursts and blatant madness. I know I have to learn to control my temper at times. I'm really sorry. (: And I love you girls for not killing me for those moments. :x
This setback is bound to stick with me for a long period of time. I know the only thing that's holding me back from pursuing good grades for my exams this semester is the loss in self confidence I once had. I've failed myself, terribly. I'm not portraying much of the direct hurt, but I'm swallowing the side effects as best as I can already.
Hold out Sylvia. It isn't the end of the world yet. Sigh*
My mum sold 19 tickets at record speed. Full of admiration for her passion to sell. :x But ahaha, I take pride in knowing that my mum cares and wants to do something for me. (:
Tonight with Gary was a lil' more, quiet. Maybe it's days like these that make a difference to the nights that are spent alone. (:
The Loft tomorrow till Friday. Countdown till WOS, it's only 4 days. Gosh, what a short span of time.
Alright, meeting Jesper and beloved Zhuangzhuang and AhShean at Yew Tee in the morning. Time to get some rest. (:
Goodnight world. (:
National Day this year was really special to me. Apart from selling my first 2 tickets from Walking On Sunshine to Gary, I spent the entire day (and night) with my beloved ZHUANG ZHUANG and AH SHEAN! :D
gosh. We really went all out for the event. We printed 1000 flyers on impulse over at Penisula Plaza in the evening. We dawdled abit before we finally settled at the overhead bridge to Marina Square to give them out.
The crowd was awesome! :D Honestly, though we giving out the flyers, we knew that most wouldn't turn up, judging from the amount of make up they wore, the amount of hair they had, and the kind of footwear they had on. I wouldn't expect a pretty lady with thick foundation and red lips to be walking for the walkathon right? But oh wells, at least people know about the event. (:
Some really nasty passer-bys really made our life tough. Some thought we were working, and helping us grab the flyers was 'helping' us. THAT WAS INSANE. One guy actually walked past me and grabbed the entire stack from my hand lah! MADE ME DAMN PISSED. I actually ran to him, grabbed him by the shoulder, screamed, "EH, RETURN THAT TO ME!", snatched the stack back, and stomped off.
Goodness. EXCUSE ME, its 0.035cents IF YOU PLEASE.
The 3 of us managed to catch the entire series of fireworks put up for the National Day Parade this year. And I guess that was what made it so special too. :D Beautiful memories for the long road ahead. :D
The atmosphere in Marina Square was awesome too! :D I got totally hooked on to those music videos! :D Gosh, I really think that this is what brings Singapore together eh. Knowing that we all know and believe in something common. That was when the patriotism kicked in. LOL. The Bandung Session later with Gary was fun filled. :D
Mongol today with Gary started later than planned cause I was late. Was really upset with myself initially and was kinda affected by all the fatigue that has been overwhelming me recently. But meeting him was definitely something I look forward to. I mean, hohoho, it was seriously tough to meet my dear boyfriend for more than 3 hours at a go! :D
Mongol was violent. Like really really, but only when it came to war scenes. Apart from that, it was generally the intriguing history of the great Genghis Khan. Btw, do google him. I read about him before, but I never knew he was so nice. :x I mean, in terms of morale, principle and belief. His brother Jamahku sucked.
The rest of the day was spent talking. I realized Gary and I had lots to say when it came to youngsters clubbing. I just have to bluntly say it, but I'm darn curious to find out what's the reason that's hooking all these people to go there. And whatever Gary says (though for my own good) just makes me more curious than ever.
I want to see it for myself one day with Gary. (: That I promise myself.
Walking On Sunshine is really making me anxious. All the volunteers and preparation are done up. Now whats lacking, are the walkers. No walkers, no walk right? We seriously need to pull people down, but what's the pulling factor? :(
Disappointment arises in such crucial moments. Its like how it builds up over time, and then overflows.
Yeah, asking whether there's anything else every time doesn't work out at all. That's not what a leader should be saying.
Dammit, I swear you're the worst I ever met. Rather you do nothing then pretend to do some things but nothing gets done.
Seriously think this life is so screwed up for now. I feel like an idiot trying to comply with the whims of another idiot. Yeah, I may be a disappointment to him, but he is a major disappointment to me too.
I just wonder what kind of an attitude I should bring in to the classroom later to do my presentation. What's a team presentation when they aren't even in consensus?
I probably need a good long break right now, before I seriously explode, break down, malfunction, go insane, or become mentally unstable.
SHIT THOSE ARSEHOLES. I'VE LEARNT THERE'S NO GOOD IN DOING GOOD SOMETIMES. THEY EITHER EAT YOU, OR THEY FEED YOU TO EAT YOU LATER ON.
DITCH THE NAIVE THINKING.
School has been a little hectic. Skipping lectures and tutorials seem to be the norm now. Projects are all due, and presentations are up. Phew*
Really worried for Gary. :( And I feel pretty much helpless myself. But instead of dwelling in self despair, I think Gary needs more attention and love. (:
Sleeeppping now. (:
I just got back from the wake about an hour ago. Was worried sick for Gary. Still am, but not so much already. He always say he's fragile. Apparently, he isn't from the way he looks. (: Maybe fragility is subjective. To me, he's a strong young man from within. Just that he's more expressive, especially when he's emotional.
Reports are due soon and I'm no where close to meeting expectations. Maybe that's the stress factor. Melvin isn't helping with the stress either. Maybe that's his way of reacting to stress - sharing it with his team. haha. Oh wells, now its just a matter of time before we make it, or break it.
*whew*
Society's personal relationships are seriously messing me up. I don't know how and when I would ever offend someone else again. Better keep up with myself, and them. Maybe they need more attention.
Walkathon's up next next week and not much has been done. We need people to come down. We're talking 1000 people. I hope we can mobilize that many.
Anyhoos, this is gonna be a mad month. Seriously mad month.
Cheers to myself. Much loves to Gary. And all the best to zhuangzhuang bihshean melvin ruth and furong. May we all go through this period of tougher times together. (:
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