disappointment, anger, gloomy moments.
don't make me waver.

that vanishing flame.
that dissolving passion.
that growing rage.

maybe i need to start meditating.

i officially crashed my vaio.
LOL.
thank goodness WARRANTIES exists.
so i guess i need to part with my vaio for a while tml and send it over to Sony Style center for a little diagnosis.
T.T
stay strong VAIO! :D

the ba envoys camp was tedious.
at least we had a little night walk on the 2nd night.
(:
sky trooper's skit was pretty well done i must say!

basically-
i'm really tired.
physically.
mentally.

why?
simple. i love to escape.
and some times escape routes lead you back to where you came from.
the temporary relief you obtain would be far less than what you would have expected to receive initially.
need an example?
e.g i get stressed out from piling work loads.
i destress by leaving it aside and do something else more preferable.
and when deadlines are due, i face the fact that the pile is still there and i need to work even harder to complete it.
but no.
its not exactly applying to this situation right now.

okay,
back on track.
i'm close to crashing my vaio.
for the past half an hour i've been attempting to be a smart aleck and try to download some vista theme into my laptop.
obviously it failed, and now my theme makes my entire sleek vaio look noob.
HAHA. (its the typical classic theme of windows 95.)
omg omg. oh wells.
i'll get used to it i guess.

floflo:
i'm not sure whats building up silently between the both of us.
but i really hope to cross it. (:

can i scream?
no.
then i'll be Sylvia the screamer.
can i yell?
no.
then i'll be Sylvia the nasty girl.
can i express distaste?
no.
then i'll be Sylvia the ingrate.
can i show displeasure?
no.
then i'll be Sylvia the arrogant.
can i gossip?
no.
then i'll be Sylvia the loudmouth.
can i get angry?
no.
then i'll be Sylvia the petty.
can i stop talking?
no.
then i'll be Sylvia the anti-socialist.
can i ignore?
no.
then i'll be Sylvia the ignorant.
can i take initiative?
no.
then i'll be Sylvia the thick-skinned.
can i leave it?
no.
then i'll be Sylvia the gutless.
can i cry?
no.
then i'll be Sylvia the weak.
can i stand out?
no.
then i'll be Sylvia the attention seeker.
can i stand firm?
no.
then i'll be Sylvia the stubborn.
can i stand tall?
no.
then i'll be Sylvia the stuck up.
so can i just shut up, keep to myself, maintain a low profile, and not express any emotion?
no.
then i'll be Sylvia the cold blooded freak.

yea.
nothing fits.
seriously,
i must admit-
i haven't successfully adapted.
and nothing is helping.
getting used to takes much courage and strength.
but i guess my energy's depleting.
i second guess my courage is wearing thin.
losing faith in myself would be the last thing i want happen.
it takes years to build that pillar of confidence;
and a minute to collapse it.

its time i beat a retreat.
maybe a month.
or two.
or even a year.
meanwhile.
i'd still be me,
but not me as in me.
the only thing i can probably do is just sit still.
i promise to put in a 101% effort if you need help.
but apart from that-
i need to breathe.
and just think.

and i guess its time i went on a solo date.
Me. Myself. and I.
(:
miss the breeze and the tranquil silence.

can you believe it?!
I HIT THE MAXIMUM AMOUNT OF EMAILS ALLOWED TO BE SENT IN A DAY.
-.-
oh dear.
i just need to send 1 more!
oh live hotmail.
just 1 more please?!
lol;

HEY HUMANS OUT THERE!

My team [MELVIN, FLORENCE, RUTH, ME],
are organising a one day charity event at and for HighPoint Community Services Association;
on the 6th September 2008, Saturday-
from 9am to 3pm.
and we are recruiting volunteers for the event!
There are:
#1 Car Washers for HiShine!,
#2 Ushers,
#3 Game Masters,
#4 Ticketing Booth Masters,
#5 Fun Fair Heroes,
#6 Bazaar Managers,

If you're interested in taking up roles #1 - #6 sign up now HERE!


Gosh. (: there's also a soccer and basketball tournament!

For the soccer tournament, each team would have 9 members,
7 players, 2 reserves.
There would be elimination rounds and the victorious team would stand to win attractive prizes from our sponsors! There would also be cash prizes.
Each team would have to register and pay a fee of S$18 (thats 2 bucks a human! hees)

For the basketball tournament, each team would have 5 members,
3 players, 2 reserves.
There would be elmination rounds and the victorious team would stand to win attractive prizes from our sponsors! There would also be cash prizes.
Each team would have to register and pay a fee of S$15 (thats only 3 bucks a human! hah)

The applications would be out soon! so do look out! :D

If you do have any enquiries, do feel free to drop an email at yfcmps@gmail.com (:

thats all folks! for now. (:

i'm dead beat.
and i'm going to sleep.

the band bbq was awesome. i guess.
:D
spent time with yue an and theresa, ok. and a lil' w/ pow.
4 years in the same class and the same cca.
gosh.
what old friends.
hahas.

spending time with gary was awesome too.
haven't met him in ages- (ok, it was just a few days)
but it felt like centuries.
(:


maybe one day when you look back,
you'll realise how beautiful life has been.
(:

just got back from genting.
and 4 days was enough to bore me.
i mean, initially, genting highlands was fun.
but during the 3rd and 4th day,
oh goodness,
my sis and i were struggling to find something to occupy ourselves with.

my hand got scalded by black coffee on the first day,
at the YongPeng stop.
i was strolling down the row of food stalls with a cup of black coffee for my dad,
happened to pass the cashier,
and the aunty who was frantically keeping change swished her hand and knocked the coffee off.
well, apparently, her form of apologies were rather queer,
with 2 words "soli soli."
but i GRACIOUSLY accepted it (i guess), and strolled off.(YES, strolled. I didn't stomp off. :P)
was kind of annoyed that she didn't offer to buy me another cup of coffee though.
lol.
anyway, i don't get the concept of rushing about.
since the you paid the bus driver to drive you to some part of malaysia,
then he must be at your service.
there seems to be no reason why you should rush your meal and scurry about j.i.c the bus driver leaves without you (cause if he does, you can sue his pants off).
DUH.
come to think of it. everybody there is hurry scurry.
i've learnt to walk on the sidelines where no aunty and uncle can squeeze through to ensure ultimate safety of my food.
seriously, getting to my table was like crossing the shibuya crossroads.
-.-

did i also mention the houseflies?
i wonder if they're dumb, of just too full to fly around their house.
they just plunk themselves onto a table and stop moving.
even when my hand is an mm from them, they still remain still.
they only fly away when i really really smack them with some mag.
gosh. i easily killed 7 with my sandals. lol.
and btw, the massacre wasn't intentional.
i just happened to step on the group of them resting by the drinks stall.
i found the end result gory. (yeck)
anyway,
none of them bit me, if they can that is.
and they are really really slow, in terms of flying and reacting.
so i see why there would be no need to buy baygon.
just your hands would do the trick.

over at genting on the first day.
it was pretty fun.
the click five was over at the arena of stars having their live concert.
my sis and i didnt manage to get tix to enter,
but we stoned around the area to capture a little of their music.
heehee.
cheapos.
we ended up at the mama stall opposite the concert hall buying groceries.
and we also bought 6 herbal tea eggs.
(to keep warm, and to fill our tummys.)
fantastic i must say- the 2 in 1 function it has.
especially since its DELICIOUSLY cooked by the professional herb aunty.
haha!
my entire family got lost trying to figure our way around the levels,
but i think we can navigate through the place with our eye closed now.
my dad and mum abstained from the casino really hard on the first day.

the second day was cool. as in chilly.
the clouds were overwhelming.
and walking out would be equivalent to soaking yourself.
haha.
my dad and mum finally left us both alone after breakfast and hit the casino immediately.
and my sis and i went round the theme parks.
so theres the indoor, and the outdoor one right.
my sister's first desire was to sit the venice gondola.
she said it was EXCITING.-and i believed her.
so we ended up like retards sitting in the gondola and going round the plaza at a very very very very very very very slow pace.
i felt like some display ornament, when people leaned over the railings to view who the next stupid being actually paid to sit on the venice gondola was.
so we said hello to fake mermaids and seahorses and listened to about 10 minutes of italian/french/spanish recording before we evecuated the gondola.
we practically jumped off. haha.
-
the next ride was worse.
my sister said she wanted to take the euro express.
but we ended up babysitting some cute hongkie girl whom's parents refused to sit with her on the reindeer ride (for obvious reasons).
so we did it again- this time on air.
the reindeer was moving uber uber uber uber uber uber uber uber uber uber uber slowly around the plaza.
though it was just as retarded as the gondola ride,
at least it felt better since nobody could float and stare at you.
haha.
i guess even the hongkie girl thought it was boring.
she was bored to tears and wept like WOOHOO when she met her mum at the start point when the ride ended 10 minutes later.
my sis and i ran off- bad babysitters we must have been. heheh.
-
so we finally sat the euro express.
then we moved out to the outdoor theme park.
sat some thrilling rides.
then there was this particular one.
(okay, im not prejeudiced against fat people k)
this fat lady was at the front seat.
so the person had to push down the safety bar and lock it-
unfortunately.
it couldn't go down.
seriously,
she breathed in deeply,
pulled up her shirt,
pushed down her pants and belt a lil,
took off her bag,
stood up a lil etc;
and nothing worked.
the safety bar just wouldn't go down.
this invited quite a bit of laughter from the queue,
and me? i just ate my candy floss.
poor lady.
i think she can't sit everything else already. oops.
-
(okay, im not against dark skinned people too, since i'm one. but here goes:)
you seriously seriously should consider a trillion times before you hire a dark skinned human to pose as a clown.
OH GOSH.
they're a nightmare in broad daylight.
the contrast between the paint and the skin tone is too much to swallow.
and my heart almost jumped out when one approached me to sell icecream.
just picture this.
green curly wig,
dark skin,
brown eyes with painted eyebrows and curled eyelashes,
the ronald macdonald smile (white and red lips),
the over flowing rainbow coloured costume with black hands,
and gigantic luminous green shoes with abit of dark skin showing between the short costume and the socks.
goodness.
-
and the cliche, don't judge a book by its cover.
i always ignore it.
really.
the most innocent family ride, some pirate adventure,
turned out to be my worse nightmare.
if you didnt already know,
i'm utterly afraid of the dark- to a certain extent.
and skeletons too.
but those 2 didnt come to my mind.
i mean, when people came out of the ride,
they were all smiles and laughter.
so i thought, it would be fun.
moreover, i was at the back of the queue.
so when it was our turn,
my sis and i didn't think much about it-
we just sat down on the little vehicle and went in.
oh goodness.
it was pitch black.
and the next thing i saw was a skeleton.
thank god i had eyelids.
HAHA. my sis and i shut our eyes immediately and just tolerated the entire ride.
it was amazing how we didn't scream.
heehee.
and as usual, we followed those who has went through the same ordeal during the ride.
we smiled our best and exited the ride.
LOL.
-
we spent the entire day shuffling between the 2 theme parks.
till about 9pm, when i decided to take the ferris wheel outdoor.
ah, that was seriously a bad decision on my part.
the entire outdoor theme park was deserted.
and the ferris wheel was going round and round and round on its own with no passengers.
that was seriously, freaky.
hahaha.
so my sis and i walked briskly to the nearest stall to buy something, and at least interact with some human life.
gosh.
-

the third day was pretty warm.
caught indiana jones with my family.
we were so excited when they said our tix came with free SNACKS.
so we were deciding who would get the popcorn and the drink and so on.
but it turned out,
the SNACK was seriously, just a chocostick.
and it couldn't get any better than that.
-.-
but the movie was great. (though there was a whole lot of skeletons involved)
my parents spent the entire day at the casino again.
and my sis and i roamed the entire plaza about 10 times.
had fun at the arcade too.
-
oh ya. speaking about ARCADE.
lols. you know the game PARA PARA or Dance Dance Revolution-
ahhh- the 'ah lian-ish' game some may term it.
any oh how.
i used to be addicted to it with deb.
HEEHEE.
then when i spot some 'ah lians' over there attempting to play it,
i realised,
ah. not all ah lians can play ah lian-ish games.
:P
so evil eh,
my sis and i just stood behind and watched with evil smirks.
then walked away to play crazy taxi.
-
kboxing with my sister was simply hilarious.
we were so afraid the aunty at the booth would hear our horrid voices,
we toned down the mikes till it was mute.
and we just plainly wasted RM2.00 singing as if we were dumb.
haha.
xD
then there was this live performane by a chinese malaysian singer.
she was singing 'Tong Hua'
then there is this line: BIAN CHENG CHI BANG (wings)
apparently, she sang it as JI BANG (chicken wings)
and she repeated that verse for 5 times?!
goodness:
she doesn't seem to notice the vast difference between WINGS and CHICKEN WINGS.
-.-

and the fourth day was much awaited for.
we were so freaking bored of the entire plaza,
we just sat at the bus terminal and waited for our bus to arrive.
even 1 hour at the bus terminal was fun.
as long as it was some place new, nothing mattered.
:D
the ride back home was funtastic.
my dad entertained us with some lame jokes.
heehee.

now i'm back home!
miss a whole lot of people.
:D
gosh.
and i've got to catch with assignments of all sorts.

but now,
i'm going to catch some sleep.
tralala~

received quite a number of responses to the video i put up in the previous post about doomsday.
well, since it's nearing,
i guess it must be a major cause for concern.
but hey, look at it this way.
if you have only 4 more years to live.
then live it like you never lived before.
or never will again.
i mean, that is true right.
OKAY, i don't think im making any sense.
:D
but i came up with a couple of things i should do before i ever leave this world.
(:

haven't been posting recently due to major repercussions of late nights and information overload in the day.
well, i guess the youth for causes project requires a lot of commitment and effort from my part,
and i think its time i smacked myself awake and put in more effort.
MPS visited HighPoint at Geylang on thursday.
its not really near the Red Light District, (duh)
and its a 3 minutes walk from Aljunied MRT station on the green line.
the compound wasn't really as glamourous or grandeous as i expected it to be,
but all in all, i guess we could make the best out of what we have and come up with a fantastic event.
highpoint aims to help ex-offenders and their families rebuild their lives after they come out of jail.
they offer 6mths to 9 mths programmes to retrain the ex-offenders and make them useful to society again, so they can contribute effectively and earn a decent living.
for men ex-offenders, they offer lodging and food.
im not too sure about the females though, but hey, they aren't sexist, its just that the females ex-offenders are put up at another location.
so the compound is rather run down, but huge.
it used to be a malay school?, run by the british, and was then abandoned, so they took over, and moved in.
apart from highpoint, the compound also houses a couple more sub-tenants, all with an individual social cause almost similar to highpoint's.
so they have a extra large soccer field and a basketball court, frequently used by school boys, army men, kids, and of course, the residents of highpoint.
there are also 2 halfway houses, and 3/4 way houses. (though i'm not sure what they are, but i suppose they are meant for people to live in, since they are named HOUSES. perhaps the fraction in front indicates how far the humans in the course have gone through. like human 1 is halfway through the course, so he is placed in the halfway house or something. hah.)_
then they have a carwash- HiShine.
and an aircon enterprise, run by some human that graduated from highpoint a few years back.
a couple of offices in the social and enterprise area, with one office being transformed into an art store, with the lady boss hiring only people with disabilities to help out and around with the creation of beautiful handicrafts and sale of the products.
she has a big dream though, and its a pity our group don't have the ability to take up the challenge she posed to us.
oh wells. good luck to her.
then they have a thrift shop.
well, you see, highpoint provides the residents (you know who they are) with work, to help build self esteem and confidence before they really step out into society again.
so they have the rag-and-bone and the HighPoint Movers (they drive trucks around and help move furniture or any sort of tangible assets for a small fee).
the thrift shop is set up to sell any thing reusable after being discarded by humans like us, and they collect it by making rounds in residential areas, or when they help humans shift locations.
the prices are really good, i must say, and i bet they would be setting up a stall in the bazaar during the one day event. (:
Hi-Shine? the car wash and polish is really cool.
so is the boss. :D
and ruth would be so excited to be the foaming woman. (not her producing foam, but her foaming the cars with the spray. lol.)
it was pretty homely, i must say.
OH YA. did i mention?
i think the steamboat restaurant would be up and running by the time we hold the one day event, SO-.......
HAHAHA. you get what i mean?
(:

the holidays have officially started for everybody i guess! (be it in poly or jc)
haha.
happy holidays people. AND ME!
i guess its going to be really fun with my sister in genting for the next 4 days.
and knowing there will be people i miss here would definitely make me wanna come home soon.
(:
lols. alrighty then.
off i go to do some work.

today is deb's birthday!
HAPPY 17th BIRTHDAY DEBBIE!!
:D may all your wishes and dreams come true!
hahah.

so today was a special day; to me.
apart from the special girl celebrating her big day,
yue an was flying off to Taiwan too! :D
then i had this urge! (heheh) to meet the both of them.
[actually, it was just a random idea luh. oops.]
'collaborated' with theresa, pow and yuean to celebrate deb's birthday!
and joined hands with theresa and pow to 'surprise' yuean.
:DDD

i guess yuean should be really happy brushing her teeth and shining them in taiwan with that cute lil' toothbrush we got her from guardian. (LOL)
its seriously CUTE.
a Disney Princess toothbrush, with Belle from Beauty and the Beast printed on the handle and soft bristles tainted purple and pink to polish the enamel of the tooth!
and ya, it was meant for growing kids, between 5-7 years old.
but it should be really good for oral hygiene!
then maybe she'll attract hunks with that megawatt smile!
or probably get talent spotted (as according to theresa).
okay, at most if she doesn't hit the above two, she'll be so delighted, she'll keep smiling at me when she returns to SG.
woohoo~

the funniest thing happened when deb arrived.
yuean's mission was to purchase a cake and surprise debbie when she arrived.
but i suppose she got lost in the airport, cause she was taking such a long time to return.
and the excuse we gave deb was that she went to the loo.
so when the waiting time stretched,
we said she might have met a friend and have ended up chatting and forgot the time.
then we though she dropped and drowned in the toilet bowl.
in the end, theresa got worried and went on some search for her.
and finally, she returned;
WITH AN ICE CREAM CAKE FROM SWENSEN!
so debbie faked a surprise,
since it was a little anticipated. (haha)
sang a birthday song and yuean scurried off to catch her plane. (:
the rest of us had fun cutting the cake.
it was preeeetty solid.
cutting it was like going to war with some creature.
we had 3 people holding the cake in place with forks and someone holding on to a stainless steel knife with both hands and using full body strength to cut the cake into quarters.
gosh.
that was the most hilarious thing i've seen in ages.
the fruits on the cake were dug up with might too.
but it was a delicious cake overall.
(: I LOVE ICE CREAM CAKES!
and i hope deb loves her present!
wrapped with love; by pow theresa yueyue and me.
aright. enough said.
heres the birthday girl! (that cute smirk ah. i bet she enjoyed the cake. to the max. :P)




and this was something so random and deliciously artistic.
the leaves were from a strawberry stuck onto the cake.
apparently, deb tugged so hard at the fruit that the leaves snapped and fell into such a position.
heehee.



and us. i wonder when our next gathering would be. but i must say i enjoyed catching up.
(: somehow, being with them always fill my heart with warmth.


then there's something i must share.
okay, for the longest time ever,
or no. forever, i've always ASSUMED,
squid = sotong = cuttlefish = octopus
ya. it's a lil dumb.
but seriously! i've tried clarifying with a HUGE number of people,
however,
the most i asked, the more confused i got.
so today,
i did my research.

a sotong! apparently means SQUID! (as said by ruth (:)
and it looks like this:


and a cuttlefish looks like this:

(its a little gross, but its the most decent one already. lol)

then, OBVIOUSLY, the octopus with 8 tentacles looks like this:

(i'm so sorry about that vulgar use of language between the 2 cute octopuses above! the rest were demure and gentle but looked horrid. :x)
well! ya! I feel so proud of myself to have made such an extra-ordinary discovery. (take note of the dash)
-.- well. its really really ordinary i know. and many people know of it.
BUT! its great to clarify doubts!
haha!
(:


one more matter to address.
powpow said the world was gonna end in 2012.
and he showed me the video cut out from discovery channel and posted on youtube.
it was intriguing.
(:
all i can say is:
if oracles and prophecies foretell that doomsday is close by, then so be it.
as long as i can live another day, i'll live it to the fullest.
since i have a reason for everything i do, i'm sure i'll never regret my actions.
and leaving this world would be the easiest thing on earth.
(:
if you're interested, heres the first part of the 40 minute video clip.
you may want to go to you tube to search for the second portion.



thats about it for now i guess. (:

today was. queer; in a sense.
i encountered a lot of setbacks today.
the worst part?
i wasn't able to anticipate them and take precautionary measures to ward myself from any sort of emotional trauma.
so, yeah.
i almost fell into a state of contemporary depression.

first was my macroeconomics test.
i think the change of answers after i woke up from my lil' sleeping break was the most retarded decision i made.
so i guess, i shouldn't blame myself for being such a smart aleck right,
i mean, the objective was still to be smart.
but i lost 16 marks from that.
gosh. how smart.

then was the lil' shopping trip.
i was really delighted to be spending time with floflo, zy and ruth!
but i was kind of fed up with myself;
indecisive; foolish; and so confused.
i gave up shopping for someone else.
and when i finally decided to look for things i really like,
i was already in no mood to shop.
hah.

later was the band practice.
basically, i went back with that burning desire to invite NCWO to perform for the YMCA- YFC charity event MPS would be organizing.
but apparently,
they're up to their necks for the entire year.
which also means, they are unable to raise funds for my event.
gosh. how great.
then floflo asked me, what happens if everything doesn't go through.
well- i think i gave a really optimistic answer.
and i do know that nothing of that would happen; cause i'll dig my guts out to prevent that from happening.
however, it started to hit me.
i started to think of the worst.
seriously, it was more like, letting my imagination run wild.
so, it was my own fault that i experienced such a negative emotion.

the other 3 events would be better left unsaid.
thank you so much zhuangying! (:
for calling back.
felt so comforted.

the holidays have officially started for me!
best of luck to TB21 for blaw!
and of course truckloads of luck to Gary ! (:

just to mention.
our group's proposal has been accepted by YMCA- Citibank and has been given permission to carry out and organize a charity event to help raise funds for a NPO (non- profit organization), which, in our case, would be High Point!
we would be organizing a Charity Bazaar, a basketball tournament, a performance, a fun fair, and we would be selling pretty Calendars for 2009 done by the tsunami victims in Indonesia, Aceh, proudly obtained by ruth's papa!
I would be setting up a blog and posting details there.
of course, my blog would be an outlet for advertisement too.
do leave a mail if you do express interest in helping out or participating in any of the above mentioned events. (:

alright;
now i'm off to cope with the overflowing emotions.

its FIRST OF JUNE! :D
ya.
its the first day of june.
or.
the first day of the sixth month.
or.
the first day of the sixth month of the calendar year.
:D
well!
it means a couple of things.
one of which! :
MY BIRTHDAY IS 6 MONTHS FROM NOW! (heehee)
the rest would be kept in my heart, sworn to secrecy.
(:

hooray! tml is Macroeconomics!
and that would be the end of CTs, and the start of HOLIDAYS!
:DDD


that original feeling never went away. (:
they are easy words to say,
but i mean it more than ever.

Sylvia. Syl. And someone you'll never expect me to be.