i thought i needed to post again.
probably because i don't know why i was typing 'haha' to everyone i was chatting with online.
most of the time.
i would most likely smile.
but i couldnt do it.
so i thought maybe there was something that was bothering me.
and there is.
i suppose.
i can't stand it.
i know i've felt like this before but i can't exactly explain why i should be feeling it all over again now.
i hate the way things are happening now.
i hate it.
i don't know how to react to it either.
i'm not functioning like how i used to.
i cannot continue to tell myself to be who i used to be.
even now.
i feel so ...
pressured typing in this blog.
i can't speak out.
i can't voice out.
I HATE IT THIS WAY.
I HATE IT WHEN I HAVE TO SUPPRESS MY FEELINGS.
I HATE IT when i have to be cautious with the words i use.
I HATE IT when i need to hide my opinions in fear of hurting someone.
I HATE IT when i have to be so discreet about my daily affairs.
I HATE IT when i need to keep my life under wraps.
I HATE IT .
I HATE IT .
I BLOODY
FUCKING HATE IT.
...
....
.....
so now.
i've come to a conclusion.
HELLOS EVERYONE.THANK YOU FOR VISTING MY BLOG.IF YOU HAVE SEEN THIS POST FOR THE 1000TH TIME.FORGET IT.YOU WON'T BE SEEING ANYTHING NEW FOR SOME TIME.DON'T CHECK BACK TOO SOON.SYL.
change.
changing.
changes.
changed.
doubt.
distrust.
despicable.
dislike.
evolve.
morph.
mutate.
mutant.
new.
strange.
mysterious.
unknown.
anonymous.
stranger.
well.
i found out a little something ;
so i thought i should say it out.
so that i feel better.
at least.
=u h. huh.
im not sure if anyone else noticed.
i've been contradicting myself really badly.
i'm also not sure if i've done my best in being true in the words i say.
i'm terribly sorry, especially to you.
i'm not sure if what i did was right.
yet, i just felt that at that point of time, i needed to do it.
maybe because i had a motive.
or perhaps it was out of anger.
jealousy.
hatred.
i'm not sure.
but now. i can't believe i convinced myself that it was wrong.
all wrong.
not that i do not believe that she has bad points.
but i found out,
everyone has their bad points.
even me.
and i was thinking.
if i managed to accept the many friends around me,
i don't get why i should cast her out.
i'm wrong. and i've commited a mistake.
but i won't regret this mistake.
probably because i've learnt something more.
but because of this little lesson learnt,
i think i've caused a big misunderstanding.
rather big to me.
i do hope i didn't change your outlook on certain opinions.
i'm not sure.
but i do know i've changed my outlook on these people.
lots of things have.
..
and today.
i've realised -
the truth is always the hardest to hear.
and tactful people could always be liars.
really.
=)
i thought i had to keep myself in check ,
so i thought of blogging.
and yar.
i've been feeling pretty high these days.
probably its because the common tests are over.
and PLUS.
i havent failed a whole lot of subjects.
JUST ONE!!!!
hoorayy!!
wahahahs.
ok.
i think i just checked myself.
=)
tatas.
HOORAYYYYYYYYY!
COMMON TESTS ARE OVER!!
COMMON TESTS ARE OVER!!
COMMON TESTS ARE OVER!!
COMMON TESTS ARE OVER!!
COMMON TESTS ARE OVER!!
COMMON TESTS ARE OVER!!
COMMON TESTS ARE OVER!!
COMMON TESTS ARE OVER!!
COMMON TESTS ARE OVER!!
COMMON TESTS ARE OVER!!
COMMON TESTS ARE OVER!!
COMMON TESTS ARE OVER!!
COMMON TESTS ARE OVER!!
COMMON TESTS ARE OVER!!
COMMON TESTS ARE OVER!!
COMMON TESTS ARE OVER!!
wahahahas.
don't bother reading everything up there ;
its the same!
LOLS.
and i've passed 2 subjects so far.!
WOOHOO!
okay...
perhaps some people might find me idiotic.
BUT ITS MIRACULOUS OKAY.
i've never passed combined humanes.
and only started passing maths.
SO!
i just CREATED a MIRACLE!
so happy!!!!
but i think i'll fail something lahs.
sick.
anyway.
who bothers!!!!!
hualalalalas.
i wanna play le lahs!
HOLIDAY MOOD!
its weird lahs.
i've been telling myself that next week is the holidays!
BUT.
its next NEXT week.
so disappointing.
i actually cheated my own self!
stupid.....
hahs........
i need to relax and destress!
THERESA AND YUEAN!!!!
MUST GO OUT AND PLAY OKAY!!!
hahahas.
XD
im off now.
=)
well.
the common tests are FINALLY over!!!!!!!
HOORAY.
now i just hope i pass all my subjects.
i want to go out during the september hols..
.....
LOLS.
anyway.
im going to learn pool!
i hope ;
must carry on playing okay!
:D
hahahs.
ciaos anyway.
ghost whisperer is ON!
i'm freaking pissed with my mum okay.
WHAT THE HELL LAHS. i really mean it. WHAT THE HELL.
it was just a normal phone conversation just like any other day.
i just had to tell her i was home ON THE DOT. and then i dunk the phone.
bullshit.
she just had to rant at me.
from my sister who overshot her pocket money from 3 bucks to 10 ;
to me spending too much money;
then to her selling the flat,
and then to why we are spending ALL our money and not saving[bullshit] ;
and to asking me for a solution to save money to solve our 'problem'.
what the heck lahs.
just because she's confused whether or not she should get the house doesnt mean its MY fault that she is not able to pay up the lump sum.
so she insisted on an answer.
so i told her.
that the only solution, I, as a secondary school student could come up with, was to give up eating in school and give her my pocket money.
like please lahs.
MY POCKET MONEY A MONTH IS MY ONLY SOURCE OF LUNCH AND WANTS.
she expects me to pay for my transport just because she sees me save up to buy my favourite korean drama.
wtf;
its just 100 bucks.
its as if i could buy the universe with it.
perhaps i am like my mum.
i CANNOT stand the way she talks to me.
neither can she.
THE THING IS.
SO WHAT IF SHE IS MY MUM.
DOESNT MEAN THAT WHAT SHE REMEMBERS IS TRUE.
her memory SUCKS..
bloody hell.
and she INSISTS that i said to my aunt " Why did you tell mummy she must buy the house?"
when i said" Why did you even tell mummy about buying a house?"
see no difference?
THINK AGAIN.
IT MAKES A HELL LOT OF DIFFERENCE OKAY.
and so i took my stand.
AND GUESS WHAT.
SHE SAID: ' I AM YOUR MUMMY OKAY- DONT KEEP INSISTING THAT YOU ARE CORRECT. WHEN I SAY ITS RIGHT> MEANS ITS RIGHT. UNDERSTAND YOU ASS BRAIN IDIOT. "
don't believe she said that?
she did.
so guess what.
i didn't reply.
my eyes dont usually form tears because i have a tendency to tolerate all sorts of heartbreaking and assholic moments.
but honestly.
i dont rmb what came over me at that time.
all sorts of hatred and anger and rage.
i just felt like shouting at her.
she tells me NOT to use words like this on ppl.
i agree. i once used it because i couldnt grasp the hurt of it.
but now;
every now and then when she feels like it she shouts at us.
using words that no one would ever imagine a mum use on a child.
why can't she just understand.
i don't retaliate just because i am feeling rebellious.
i do so because I AM TIRED TOO.
just because she's troubled over her problem doesnt mean i dont have my own.
her problem becomes mine because she takes it out on me.
add on those that i have.
WTH.
what kind of bullshit is she trying to say when she brags about her STRESS AT WORK-
what kind of stress can she get other than her little quarrels with her boss and her irresponsible colleagues.
i am just FOURTEEN.
just let me live my life like any other girl in the world.
from their divorce till now.
i havent said anything.
SO LET ME BE.
i think i'm going to breakdown soon.
like as if i've turned my back onto this world and shutting myself down.
sometimes i wish i didnt have any responsibilty.
just me. and the way i want life to be.
nothing more.
no you. no her. no him.
NOTHING.
=(
so here i am.
back again after many many many many days.
5 days to be exact.
xD
i am motivated by theresa to blog lahs.
lols.
yupp.
so recently,
i've been hearing lots of stories.
from triangles to straight lines.
hahahs.
okay.
you guys catch no ball.
well ;....
you werent supposed to catch any.
=D
hahahas.
i'm not sure whether i could classify it as interesting.
its just an eye opener to me.
probably because i havent heard of such incidents before.
anyway.
because of such incidents,
my stomach has been cramping non stop.
nono.
NOT the girl thing.
its aboutROFL.
[
rolling on floor laughing]
yuean creating a mini 'inferno' and burning her ceiling ;
theresa and her little shattered fantasy- [it sounds terrible but its quite amusing actually]
and many little points i see a need to keep it to myself.
all these amuse me alot.
and i've been kept quite happy these few days.
so. yepp.
thank you guys!
=D
yupps. yupps.
common tests are just round the corner ;
and i can't seem to be able to have that determination to open my TYS.
i feel the stress alright.
BUT!
i found the tv more interesting !!!!!
VV Drama was like showing Healing Hands III .
so... i sort of got hooked.
ahhhh..
i need to be inspired by something.
perhaps , MY MP3!
i dunno.
whatever the case.
the CT determines my freedom this coming september holidays.
JIAYOUU PPL!
xD
i'm finally back on my blog now.
:D
its been a busy week ;
a reall REALLY busy week.
so much work to do. so little time.
but we made we didnt we?
xD
the investiture was a success.
=D
HOORAY-
and finally its over.
to think that it all passed so fast.
so many days of preparation for just that 2 hours of momentary happiness.
its worth it i suppose.
and after the investiture.
my mum was mysteriously happy.
i dont know why either but she let me out after that.
so i went to meet theresa, yue an and all the other band people at hougang plaza while they were playing pool.
and they were snapping pictures.
and then we were snapping pictures.
and then we went off for dinner.
and people got drunk. *heheh*
and i went home late.
and surprisingly my mum didnt do anything to me.
so yeah.
=D
delightful day.
tiring though.
anyway.
today was just as good.
my aunt brought me to a japanese buffet!
they've got everything from ebiko to sashimi.
wahahahahs.
and we sat there for 2 hours eating non stop.
so PEOPLE.
make your way down to Sakura at Downtown East and EAT YOUR FILL!
hahahs.
its just $20.
hahs.
its the end of yet another stupid post.
lalalas~
i want to challenge you.not only that.i want to destroy you. in. and out.
