i have a camp next weekend.
and i wonder how i'm gonna survive it.
i love rock climbing.
i don't mind rafting.
i wanna try kayaking.
but i don't want to be covered in mud.
LOL.
oh mann.
xP
nvm lahs.
at least i know so many other people are going to be in the same state as me too!
WAHAHAHAS.
so i sort of look forward to it.
maybe the camp can make me take my mind off some stuff.
=)
the common tests are over already.
and i already failed two tests!
OH YEAH!
this might be the first time i am so elated when i fail tests.
because i stand to benefit from it.
LOL.
i failed physics and e geog.
and because i failed physics, i get marshmallows!
e geog?
i don't know.
but i know i gained back my sleep because of e geog lessons.
=x
wahahahs.
yepp.
life's alright.
i think my horoscope didn't lie to me.
i just expected too much from it.
=)

i'm not really well.
i'm confused.
and now i really wish to escape.
i don't wish to do anything else.
maybe just skipping the topic everytime will help.
or just not mentioning anything.
i don't know.
i just dont see any use in reminding myself of reality.
plus.
i prefer to live in my fantasy.
where everyone is happy.
and hes the sun.
and my garden full of blooming flowers.
and everything that happens is delightful.
oh mann.
i know i'm just being a coward by running away.
but so what.
i have no idea whats going on with him.
and when i try to find out but fail to do so,
i feel deprived.
so yeah.
i'll stick with fantasy for the time being.
so long as i'm happy. =)

thank you theresa.
but you seem troubled too!
hahahs.
jiayouus ok!
i'll be by you!
xD

today. :)
i'm really confused.
in the morning.
i was really happy and deep in thoughts.
wondering how wonderful my day would be.
working out many ways to make my friend feel better.
=)
in the afternoon,
i was busy chatting away with my best buds in class.
instead of revising for bio.
LOL.
and we really got carried away.
till our civics teacher shut us up.
=x
during the test,
everyone was busy scribbling.
me?
i was sleeping halfway.
and waking up at the later half to complete my paper.
and the teacher would try to wake me up.
xP
boring papers.
i can't be bothered.
=D
after the tests we had chinese.
that was when my teacher caught me for my earholes.
like, oh mann.
wahahahs.
then we had a really REALLY fun and interactive chinese lesson.
the best so far.
since i didn't doze off.
=)
yepp.
but after school.
i felt a little discomforted.
i mean really.
the cold shoulder.
the silence.
nothing.
so i suppose.
this means i still got to wait.
=(
but at least.
i dont mind!
hahahs.
i believe i can !
xD
but still.
near late afternoon,
i was a little disheartened.
it sort of affected my mood.
and my cravings.
i craved for chocolate fudge sundae practically straight after!
chocolate helps in the release endorphins to allow one to relax!
wahahahs.
so i supose i did.
LOL.
and i cheered up slightly.
and i believe tml will be better!
WAHAHAHAS.
theresa came over to blog.
her blog sort of decomposed.
and she revived it.
:)
go read it~
and i promised ziyi to fail physics!
if we fail we shall buy marshmallows to celebrate!
the failures of FOO's physics class.
LOL.
and my kitchen was filled with cockroaches.
i practically screamed like crazy.
they were all over.
and i was spraying shieldtox all over.
LOL.
oh mann.
i HATE cockroaches.
hahahahas.
then when i picked my sister up,
she told me her bag had split and her rubberband broke.
LOL.
what a day i tell you.
hahahs.
what- a - day.


i really wont abandon my friends just for an outing for you.
really.
so what if you're pissed.
you don't have to tell me off.
i merely told you the truth.
and i don't mind repeating it.
i WONT and NEVER WILL abandon my buds just to go out for you.
i made it an exception that day.
just that day.
oh well.
nvm.
i wish you luck in your studies-
:)
if you really feel that i'm wrong.
sorry.

i spent the whole of today with my mum.
its quite fun actually.
i didn't know my mum was like this.
=)
she bought me cotton candy!!!
and i was sooo happy.
but i realised she just wasn't patient enough to hear me out.
she'll cut in while i'm talking halfway through and direct the speech to herself.
then she'd tell me about her for the next 20 minutes.
then she'll forget what was the main topic.
i gave up trying to tell her about myself.
so i asked her more about her life.
and she told me a whole lot.
yepp.
i think we engaged in so much conversation we didn't really take much notice of what revolved around us.
then i realise.
my mum wasn't hateful.
she just don't know how to express herself.
and she just feels that nagging and shouting is a mum's job.
i mean.
i'm not a mum.
so i really can't tell her how an ideal mum should behave.
so i think i'll just accept who she is.
besides.
its cool knowing your mum is one of a kind.
xD
and i am like so glad my sis wasn't around me buzzing endlessly.
hahahs.

while talking to my mum.
i was conversing with my friend through sms.
she's troubled.
really troubled.
and i didn't really know how to console her.
shes really brave.
and i wonder.
will she really pull through?
yes.
she will.
and i swear i'm going to stand by her.
i hope she reads this!
=)
i'm going to wait with you ok?
and i hope you find your special one.
hes not the only tree in this forest.
besides,
singapore is well known for being a GREEN city.
there'll be plenty around.
i'm going to be your bestest mate.
be it rain or shine.
i promise i'll be there.
so don't feel lonely.
i'm here.
i know i really cant do much.
but i hope just standing by you might make you feel better.
=)
jia youu!

i really don't want to go to school tomorrow.
maybe its because of my horoscope.
i'm really superstitious.
and if what is stated in my horoscope doesnt come true for me tml.
i'll be really devastated.
really.
and it so happens that my horoscope tml is too good to be true.
and i wonder.
how disappointed i'll be if it really doesnt come true.
i don't wish to pin too much hopes on it.
lest i become crestfallen.
i really don't know.
lets just say.
i'll live tomorrow in my thoughts.
and hope it'll distract me from everything else.
then at least i wont really take note if my life tallys with my horoscope!
OK.
i'll do just that.
=)

HAVE FAITH PEOPLE.
NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE IN THIS WORLD.
[this bloody statement is for some effing idiot who thinks its the end of the world already. x)) ]

its morning now.
and the feeling is strange.
i didn't want to get out of bed the moment i woke up.
i just lay there,
wondering whether today is going to be good or bad.
then i blinked a few times,
sat up straight,
and hugged my knees to my chest.
i cannot seem to recall anything else.
except that few little happenings that taunt me since forever.
i looked out of the window and saw clouds floating by,
and i thought,
what if i could float along with it?
maybe i could see the world.
maybe i could touch the sky.
maybe i could just leave everything behind.
maybe.
then i realised my clock was beside me ticking endlessly.
i held it in my hand and stared at it.
then i thought,
what if i could turn back time?
maybe i could do something else.
maybe i could change history.
maybe i could just alter what i did that day.
maybe.
so i lied down again and picked up my mobile.
i tried listening to the headpiece but no one spoke.
and i thought,
what if this phone could talk?
maybe it could company me through bad times.
maybe it could tickle my funny bone.
maybe it could just comfort me through those tears.
maybe.
i got out of bed.
and went into the bathroom.
i stared into the mirror with my reflection staring back.
and i thought.
if my reflection could talk.
know what i'm thinking about,
maybe it could become my bosom friend.
follow me through the good and bad times.
comfort me when i'm down.
lend a ear when i need one.
pick me up when i fall.
hold me up when i'm weak.
cheer me up when i'm blue.
if all of these could just happen.
maybe life wouldn't be so bad.
=')

ummm.
i've no idea what i'm doing these days.
i'm a little depressed over what i am trying to do.
getting over such overwhelming sadness is like..
so HARD.
i'm trying already ok.
trying really really hard.
i try not to do things that go out of my life routine.
i try not to put too much time into such thoughts.
i try not to ignore problems because of this particular person.
so when i try.
i think.
so here's what usually run through my mind.

YOU.
yes YOU.
YOU bloody hell of a sicko.
i wonder why you're in my mind.
YOU dumb.
i wonder why your name appear countless times in my diary.
YOU ass.
i wonder why i yearn to see you everyday.
YOU idiot.
i wonder why i'm so into you.

after entertaining such thoughts,
i'd wonder.
maybe its not his fault.
its mine.
then i'd start laughing.
then i'd realise i've spent so long thinking about such stuff.
and usually,
i'm supposed to be doing something else at that particular moment.
and i end up wasting my time.
and i have to make up for time loss by skipping certain essentials.
like my breakfast.
or.
my study time.
or.
the computer.
hahahs.
yepp.
problems arise when i start changing my routine.
maybe i shall not state.
but i choose to ignore.
like leave them chucked at the corner of somewhere.
then i wander off in my thoughts and forget all about it.
=x
i don't know.
but i know i'm weird.
really weird these days.
LOL.
xD



i'm going to live like this.
with you somewhere out there.
and another one of you in me.
maybe this is how i spend my time.
with you in my head.
all those vivid pictures.
beautiful ones.
precious ones.
all kinds.
i'd paint them if i'm a artist.
i'd write them if i'm a poet.
paint and draw with beautiful colours.
scribble and describe with beautiful words.
but i can't-
who bothers.
i'd simplify it.
the birds shall sing.
the flowers shall smile.
and you.
are the sun above all.
:)

i'm all smiles!
=D
don't ask why.
i'm just living life the way i want.
yepp.
i guess it explains the smiles.
LOL
i've learnt my lesson mann.
i shouldn't gorge myself with bakkwa.
wahahahs.
and i'm starting to breakout because of that whole box.
ITS A BIG BOX OK.
hahahs.
and i just bit my lip.
and now its swollen.
OUCH.
hahahs.
nvm lahs.
it'll still go.
i hope it disappears fast!
wahahahs.
yepp yepp.
study hard people!
common tests are coming right up!
XD
even though i'm not gonna study.
hahahhas.
ciaos.`
:)


i'll wait for you.
just like i always do.
:)

maybe today's going to be the last day i'm going to react like this.
i went crazy today.
i was at the top of my head.
i blew up at everyone who irritated me.
only clever ones avoided me.
i was screaming.
shouting.
and pouring water at people who irritated me.
practically,
i went crazy.
but deep down.
i suppose i was feeling tired of everything else.
i just wanted to vent.
i can't possibly drown someone with everything i'm not happy about.
neither can i write it all down.
i only wrote down happy things that happen.
so yeah.
i'll stop all these crap.
=(
i'm tired already.
i've been putting on so many kinds of fronts i wonder what the heck i'm trying to do.
i seem to ruining my own life.
i'm interrupting my own principles of life.
i don't know.
really.
=(

i'm too tired to make any more steps.
maybe i'll stop at where i am now.
and i'll wait, for you.
i hope you catch up soon.

its time i found myself.
i seem to have lost it since last week.
i'm went crazy.
became depressed.
smiled all day.
felt like crying.
and i lied to myself.
LOL.
i've lost it.
totally.
=S
its just love.
maybe lust.
i dont know.
what i know is.
i shouldnt let it affect my life.
or how i look upon it.
or how i am going to live it.
yepp.
so i'm going to be happy.
i just wish for a fairytale ending for all of us.
i wish really hard for it.
xD
jiayouus ok!

i actually said that i sacrificed my D500c right?
LOL.
i got it.
I GOT IT THE AFTERNOON AFTER I SAID I COULDNT GET IT.
goodness!
x))
wahahahs.
YEAHS!
but.
i dropped it.
and now it has some technical problems.
=x
and there are LOADS of scratches on it.
awwwww...
but nvm.
who cares?
LOL.
I GOT IT!
tralalalas`

theresa came over when my mum went out.
LOL.
we went crazy watching My Lovely Sam-soon.
hahahs.
it was soooo funny.
yepp!
at least i didnt spend my evening alone.
hahahas.
well.
yeah.
cheers people!
i hope tml's gathering becomes a success.
(even though its held in the school canteen.)
XD

its sometimes scary to know adults.
like how they seem to lie to kids like me and yet don't know.
i know i'm not a kid.
but i hate it when they lie.
and so.
now.
i hate him.
really.
=S

anyway,
my bro and i each got a new hp.
and for my bro's new K750i,
i sacrificed my D500c.
bloody ok.
i had to get a X640c instead.
so..
yeah.
he better thank me.
LOL.
and i suppose he have to thank me again.
i am supposed to use his hp number with effect from TODAY.
but.
he said that he registered at a poly with my number.
so i am supposed to use his new number while he uses mine.
LOL.
yeah!
=))

courage is key. <33
lets cross paths and walk this journey together.

x))
i'm all crazy today.
i can't believe it.
HAHAHAS.
i made kaung an ex-convict.
LOL.
and i went walking for 5 hours with theresa after school.
oh mann.
hahahs.
i chilled.
i honestly chilled.
hahas.
and i am all smiles now!!!!
WAHAHAHS.
i look forward to monday!
LOL.
2E has a Valentine's Day party!!!
hahahahs.
go ok people!
=)
ya hoo!
i'm crazy.
i'm outta here.
i needa go crazy.
LOL.
x))
smiles!!

what if :
you feel like you need to do something.
but realise you can't do it.
what if :
you came up with fool-proof plans.
but lose courage in the end.
what if :
you create chances for yourself.
but give up when you're halfway through.
what if :
you realise the time is just right.
but you just let it pass.

i need time.
i need chance.
i need courage.

=(

I dont believe in fairytales, they never work for me.
I wont get my three wishes from a genie i set free.
There would not be a a handsome prince to carry me away.
A fairy godmother would not appear so she can save the day.
There isnt any wicked witch to feed me some brew..
So how do i explain, its you?
='(

ytd was the chingay.
it was pretty much alright.
apart from the occasional screw ups and leg cramps.
it was fun.
we practically went crazy watching those items before us.
LOL.
and during OUR performance,
we did quite well.
at least.
i was doing quite well in front.
when i took a deep breath in the middle;
my mind went blank.
WAHAHAs.
that was when i lost count.
and everything went wrong.
hahahs.
anyway.
its over.
what could go wrong?
XD
and now.
everyone is back to school.
going bonkers over homework.
and being stressed out by those 'ten year series'.
(actually. i guess i am the only one stressed by it. =P)
its perfect today.
nothing went wrong.
at least. i hope.
and then.
tomorrow is a brand new start all over again.
cheerio!

tml is the chingay already!
and i havent perfected the whole song.
bloody.
lets hope the trombone section doesnt screw up kaes.
LOL.
=)
i'm going to be home all night today.
my mum's going out with her friends.
and my sis has to go out with my dad.
my bro has a date.
so that leaves me and my dog.
maybe i'll just...
chill.
hahahs.
yeah.
nights are wonderful, especially when you are alone.
just peace, music and you.
beautiful night i suppose.
HEHEH.
fine.
i'm out.
=D

my arm's much better.
my mum twisted it.
i think.
it hurt alot for a second.
but i was fine the very next.
i just hope i dont get side effects.
LOL.
oh well.
=)
nites people.

thanks theresa.
thanks yuean.
thanks kaung.
thank you.
alot.
<33

i have a weird left arm.
it hurts alot whenever i think alot.
like when i was pondering over the chinese paper ;
it hurt so much i felt like giving up on it.
and during the geography paper.
i wanted to tear my arm out.
my arm is like always affected by my mind.
and i really cant help it.
i wonder if its an illness.
HAHAH.
like parkinson's disease.
but its normally for aged people.
or maybe i have a loose joint!
oh mann.
i just want the pain to stop.
i need to hold my trombone for hours!
XD
shyt.
i havent memorised the score.
oh well-

i am so darn sorry i forgot.
but at least i rmbed.
and.
i am so glad.
you are the one.
you are everything.
thank you.
but i am just paranoid.

i'm sorry. i remember. i'll answer. if i can.

Sylvia. Syl. And someone you'll never expect me to be.