Juanality

.Thursday, July 23, 2009 ' 1:43 PM Y

This song keep ringing in my ear these few days.. im always v into chinese songs and chinese lyrics. i used to write my own chinese songs when i was younger. haha. i have this special affiliation to chinese songs and words. i think chinese is able to express the song to different degree and extend, which english sometimes fail to do.

listen to this track at this blog--> http://www.wretch.cc/blog/pastor

PS: anyone bought the CD? share share leh.. =p

我獻上自己

我只愿能更多亲近你，
依偎在你同在里，更贴近你的心意…
我只愿能全心依靠你，
永远不离开你…

是你赐给我生命气息，
赐给我温柔的心，让我能全心相信…
世上无人能够取代你，
一生只愿为你…

主我献上自己，成为爱的器皿，
来完成你旨意，一生永不放弃…

主我献上自己，求塑造我生命，
指教我你命定，我全人只为你，
一生只愿为你…

loved

. ' 1:56 AM Y

recapturing the lost memories

a few days back on monday, me and dear dear decided to go for a hunt, a hunt to recapture back all our childhood memories! and tada! we went back to our "hometown" toa payoh lorong 7! thats where we grew up. i stayed there, had my kindergarten and pri sch there, while dear dear had his pri sch beside my pri sch! we hanged out around the same area (for eg, toa payoh central, taking the 50cents motor ride around the round-about, which we refused to return the motors after the timing and end up the old uncle got to chase us everytime, (those who played before shd noe wad i mean).. going to the same market with our mothers etc) maybe when we were very very young, we even played at the same playground before, walked passed each other before and caught each other's attention! haha! wad a perfect drama script!

so we went back to our primary school first! i was from poi ching school while he was from the ever-famous peichun republic (why is it call republic?) anw i climbed on same railings and risks my life to take some photos of my beloved pri sch! how adventurous am i. haha

this is our school canteen. there used to be benches and long tables. anw it is now a malay school =(

the small little door on the left was our music room and the small gate on the right is the gate to our computer lab! the windows at the 2nd storey are the hall's windows! there was this big portrait of the founder, which was rumored that at night, the eyes in the portrait will blink at you! haha you know, old time haunted school ghost story!

this is somewhere near our small pathetic science garden, which i as the monistress got to do my weekly duty to clear the dirty algae-filled pond with barely surviving turtles inside. the pond is now gone.

this is the assembly area where we always sing our national anthem before we dismiss. my parents will be always outside the gate waiting for me and my elder bro, carrying our bags after school while me and bro always run to get compete to get home first.

after which, we sneaked into a part of peichun, which is now a real estate company, and took the view of my pri sch from his pri sch. can u see thats how near we are to each other everyday when we were young! we were just separated by one fence! the top upper right hand classroom on the highest floor was my p6 classroom.

after all the school visitantions, we walked back to my old house!!!!! the surroundings are pretty much the same, but all the stalls are changed, except that clinic and the reli old coffee shop. as i walked through the void deck, the letter box which i could never reach at my height then were gone. it was replaced by some benches. and the lifts now serve every storey! i stil rem everytime whenever the whole fam went out and came back home, me and my elder bro (if you are wondering wheres keekai, seriously, he doesnt relli exist in my childhood memories! haha) would fight to jump off my dad's lorry at the back, run to the lift while my dad parked his lorry downstairs. so as i walked through all these places, i was narrating my childhood stories to dear dear. and we went to take the lift, and went up to the exact unit which i used to stay!

this is the pathetic narrow corridor. everytime during duan wu jie, u can see that the corridor is filled with big pots with charcoal, cause my mum and neighbors will be boiling their ba zhang! the whities gate u see on the foreground of the pic is my old house! u cant believe how small is it. it is a 2room flat (1living room and 1 bedroom), and the living room is even smaller than my room now! and all of us squeeze into 1 bedroom everynight! as i walked pass the corridor, i peaked into every unit and all the neighbors have shifted out =( i was hoping to see some reli old neighbors there.

and we walked our way to toa payoh central passing by the hawker center which my dad would always buy our daily fried carrot cake supper from, the playground beside the hawker center which some girl from my pri school was kidnapped and murdered there (it frightened me quite a while as a kid and nver dare to play there anymore).. as we walk and walk, i narrate and narrate, he listen and listen. haha.. so huai nian! dear dear concluded that my hometown is now officially a "retirees village", which i can totally agree.

from what i learn from my changing landscape of singapore module in NUS, landscape really speaks alot and they bring back nostalgia in us. hence, its always good to preserve some familar and vernacular landscape so that we still can relate to the development of the nation and feel a sense of belonging. but with the land scarcity, i think all those surviving HDB around this area is going to be demolished and rebuild, just like what has happened to those nearer to toa payoh central. sad.

i wana stay in toa payoh when i get married!!!!! while, i dun mind orchard rd or bukit timah though. haha. im a true toa payoh-ian! hello! any toa payoh-ians reading this now? tag me!

oh and 2 weeks ago, we went back to TJC as well! but sadly, the gate was locked and we cant sneak in. we took a few photos from outside.

the school name outside the gate. i used to stepped on these letters to help me climb over the gate to get into the school. one of the letters fall off i stil rem. haha.

this is the side gate leading to the canteen. our discipline master always stand here to catch the late comers. i was his usual customer. sooner, the customers figured out a way to escape, all of us when opposite to have breakfast and only enter the school after 8am when the discipline master got to teach in lesson during that time. haha! students always outwit the teachers! yeah!

it used to PPD only. since when they add in I and C?

arghhh.... i so so missed my childhood days and my JC school life! hello any tjcian heere reading this? tag me!

dear! lets do something unique and special again next week! =)

loved

.Wednesday, July 22, 2009 ' 1:32 AM Y

Love chastens

just got "scolded" by dear dear. haha, shouldnt i be too ashamed about it? why m i blogging about it? haha. anw got a revelation out of that. so its a good scolding. haha.

everytime when we got scolded by someone who is not so close to us, we'll just take it as if its that person's fault or he is just being nasty and picky. but when we got scolded by someone whom we really love and really significant in our lives, we tend to pause and think if wad is said is really true.

i shant say here what im being scolded for. bleh =p haha. but really thankful for dear dear to point out that blindspot of mine. sometimes we are just used to being us. boyfriend, girlfriend, good close friends are very much like mirrors, reflecting back to us the good and the bad in our lives. but very often, apart from just the scolding, it takes a humble heart to receive and to reflect on that particular issue. pride is often the silent killer. sometimes, its just good that we stop fighting and defending for ourselves and examine ourselves. we should just stop speaking for ourselves and listen to what that inner voice tells us.

Not that i committed any of the 13 sins, but truly i felt convicted to change. after the "scolding" session, (well actually i didnt relli feel v scolded), i thought that thats how God chastens us too. If He doesnt love us, why should he bother to chasten us to become better? just like if im just a nobody to dear, why would he even bother to waste his time and saliva on me? and being chastened by dear does not make my love for him lesser or vice versa, does not make his love for me lesser as well. in fact, i felt reassured by his love for me. so similarly, when God begin to chasten us, that doesnt mean that He love us lesser or we would love Him lesser, in fact, it shows that God bothers with our lives! Chastening is always part of love.

BUt too often in the midst of chastening, we lost sight of the full picture of what God has planned for us in the future, we got disheartened and strayed away, and that becomes a turning point of our lives, a bad and wrong turn.

so if you are being chastened now, REJOICE! for that person loves you very very much!

soften my heart and let not pride comes in and kill my heart silently.

loved

.Thursday, July 16, 2009 ' 10:26 PM Y

Familiar sounds

all of us have some familiar sounds which our mind subconciously relate them to a certain action, isnt it? here are some examples:

On a sunday morning, you woke up with the sounds of pots and pans and chopping sounds from the chopping board, and you know that your mum has woke up early on a sunday morn to prepare a sumptous lunch for the family.

During evening, you recognised that particular footstep made by heavy boots and you know that dad is back from work. (when we were younger, me and my bro used to guess whose footsteps are those along the corridor, sometimes we got it wrong and called our neighbour papa! haha)

From the sound of the way that the lock is opened and how the door is closed/slammed, you know who is back even you are in your room with your door closed. (My dad closes the door slowwwwllllyyyyy... while my kor always slam the door. now you know! )

Early in the morning, someone opened your door and go to your table and ransack your pencil case, you know that that day, your brothers are having exams that day and trying to steal some stationery from your pencil case! (yesh, both my brothers always steal my stationery, sometimes even the whole pencil case!)

From the sound of the footstep and the way your room door is opened, you know who is coming into your room without even turning your head.

now as im typing, i heard footsteps coming into my room (my mum's!) and i know that she is coming to my room to steal my moisturizer to moisturize her face every night before she sleep (weird, my family sounds like a family of thieves! haha) and yesh! its her!

its pretty amazing how our daily lives is governed by the familiar sounds around us. even without seeing, you know whats going to happen. sometimes, i enjoyed the sounds of pots and pans, cause that tells me that my mum is home to cook for us and it makes me feel homed. sometimes, the conversation that my parents had outside the living room made me feel so homed as well. sometimes, the fighting sounds in my bro room made me feel brothers nv grow up (yesh they stil fight! oops) well, as you can see, i think im a v family person. i like to be at home, just home. =)

the reverse is true, when we are surrounded by unfamiliar sounds, our defense system starts to kick in. we'll look around and fearing that something will jump out in our sight!

just how amazing sounds work =)

PS: my mother is lying on my bed now. she is signaling to me that she wana chit chat with me! everytime she wana chit chat, she will gei gei come in and lie around. haha. okie i should be a guai nu er. bye!

loved

.Wednesday, July 15, 2009 ' 11:23 AM Y

hi im backed!

the past week has been eventful, with my graduation and my birthday falling in the same week!

well.. if u asked if i was happy that i have graduated or did i enjoy my birthday.. well yes and no.

yes because u experienced the warmth and love of your loved ones, taking out their time to attend those celebrations, spending the money to get the gifts etc, reli felt loved by all those who were there. no because i guess when u grow up, all these ceremonies and celebrations hold lesser meaning in your life. its just like another event or activity or ceremony that you attend every now and then.

frankly speaking, i did not feel a tinge of excitement or achievement on the day of my graduation. it was a normal and tiring day. i guess its so common to have graduates everywhere now, graduating in a university doesnt hold much of a meaning nowadays. like my mum will always say: "10 years down the road, even a road sweeper will also need a degree!" but also its not to the extend that i despise my degree or NUS, but it just felt "less prestigious" to be an NUS graduate now then how i will feel when i was younger.

but wad i treasured is the experiences i had in school these 3 years. crazying around with woman in LTs, science labs; going for biodiversity excursions at changi beach and zoo; spending hours in library photocopy THICK textbooks; forever topping up my cash card; rushing for the ever-long-queue pai gu mian in science fac; traveling around to diff fac to eat their delicacies in their canteens; meeting up dear in different part of the school; getting to know all the bookshop and photocopying aunties.. blablablabla..

also not forgetting to mention my parents, their silent support all these years. and my mum who always cook those duno-wad tonic stuff during my exams. and my dad who always ask "when your exam finish?" when he try to pick up conversation with me! haha

anw so here i am, declaring proudly that I AM A NUS GRADUATE NOW!

now to my birthday, well, appreciated all those effort to surprise me! the cg, the leaders, and dear dear! all of u did it successfully this year without leaving any trace for me to suspect! had a great day with dear at sentosa. for pics, check out my fb. hate uploading pics here, hahaha.

conclusion: as you grow older, the event itself seems to grow less significant but the appreciation for the love and effort from all grows more significant =)

bye!

loved

.Thursday, July 02, 2009 ' 1:00 AM Y

let me do a quick update for today:

supposed to go maritchie hike with dear dear. woke up 745am in the morning (thats like super early!) and before i go out of the house, the sky turned grey and there were flashes of lightning. so again, we postponed our hike to friday. it seems like we keep on postponing. haha.

went back to sleep until 1230pm (!!!luxury!!!) and do some job searching and took a small nap (!!! ultimte luxury!!!) before i went out for tuition. met up wangyan for a dinner and had a great fellowship with her!

sometimes i prefer one-to-one fellowship. these few days, have been fellowshipping in a non-church setting with some ple. felt so edified after each fellowship.

everytime when we go cgm or church, we zapped in, do our stuff, and we zapped out. dont reli have the luxury of time to reli talk to every single person. meeting before and after service, bible study.... i feel real ministry time is monday-thursday.

after fellowshipping at Ben's place on monday; fellowshipping with cgls on tues; meeting wy up for dinner today, sharing with her sr's testimonies; reading Jim's testimony just now, im assured that God is still in the business of changing lives.

im just so amazed by those little divine appointments that God has installed in every one's lives! it might be just a casual invite to church, but that could possibly change the whole destiny of a breaking up family or a whole future of a youth delinquent. some cases worthy to be mentioned:

1. Ben's dad's colleague extended a casual invitation to Ben's dad, whom subsequently brought the whole family to church and since then, experiencing breakthroughs in family relationships and businesses.

2. Ruxin reached out to a stranger, Tobbie, tru friendster (can u imagine that?! God uses technology like friendster and facebook!), who subsequently brought Cleo Clive and Cliff to church, who are all serving the Lord wholeheartedly now in church.

3. Jim, who used to be involved in the underworld and drugs, was brought by a friend to church and is now in Bible school and took his O levels at the age of 25!

4. Sirong, who WAS my tutee (imagine her in sec 3! haha oops!) brought by me to church, and now her relationship with her sister restored and her maid and grandma now christians. Mind you, her grandma is alr 80+ years old and still so opened for God to come into her life! n now believing for her father to come to church too! (go girl! if u are reading this, we are praying tgt w u! =))

many many many more. indeed, testimonies like these will truly shut the mouth of the devil. sometimes we might think activities and events are v superficial, but no doubt that it is tru such "excuses" that peoples' lives are changed! it might be just a very small random casual remark of inviting them to come. lets arise and allow someone to ride on our faith just as how we have rode on others' =)

Being a Christian might not be as easy or as smooth-sailing, but it definitely brings more joy and purpose in my life. sometimes when tings are rocky in life, one just have to persevere on and await the glorious future that God has alr planned for you. after all, our Savior Himself went tru all that we are going tru and resurrect gloriously on the third day. We can have the same resurrection spirit in us too!

if you are yet a Christian today, why not try church-ing this week? maybe its gona be a divine encounter. trust me, your life is worth so much more than you can ever think =)

thank you Jesus =)

loved

.Wednesday, July 01, 2009 ' 1:41 AM Y

today while on my way to my tuition on bus...

guy sitting at the last row on the 1st deck all the way on the other side: (looking and staring at me)

me: (ignore. diao him back)

him: (moved closer seat by seat)

him: excuse me miss, does this bus go to suntec city?

me: no got to change bus

him: ooohhhh.. (moving closer and closer)

him: u just ended work?

me: (ignored)

him: did u just graduate fr univeristy?

me: ya.... (giving the lame look)

him: so where are u going now?

me: sorry im quite irritated by you, can you stop talking to me?

him: HUH? (act blur)

me: (press the door bell and alighted)

aiyo pls la. im not like those young teenage girl that will be conned by u. pls find the right target next time. this kinda thing simply pissed me off and i'll tell u straight in your face.

or maybe i should be complimented. at least he noticed me. haha

failed to go treetop walk with dear dear today. we are simply too lazy to wake up early in the morning! shall make it up tml!

explains why im ending here. nights!

loved