Friday, June 29, 2007
if every year of my life had a restart button,
i would be so tempted to press it.
honestly.
i knew my mood from the previous post wouldn't last.
i find little meaning.
it's very sad to see how i've become the type of people i would used to reach out to.
Posted at 11:39 PM 0 comments
Monday, June 25, 2007
today the application in the GP paper came out a question on whether I and my generation are happy?
haha. i think we are really unhappy people. seriously.
BUT, somehow, i feel quite happy at this point of my life..
even though...
-i didnt have enough time to finish my gp essay (which is my forte)
-i screwed up my econs paper real bad
-haven't been performing well
-i'm not meeting my own personal expectations in terms of character
and many more...
i still feel happy. haha.
i hope this happiness is not short-lived.
Posted at 11:42 PM 0 comments
Sunday, June 24, 2007
HAHA. june holidays are OVER. and yes, i realised too late that i spent my whole holidays mugging and training. -.-" but at least i got to know my friends better.
strangely, i have mugged so hard, but i'm really expecting to fail my mid-years. =\ mid-years are starting tommorrow and i just realised i havent even printed out my timetable. =X i think i shall go print it out now..
i'm so looking forward more to team bonding session at sentosa next weekend and also our national competitions after the exams!
oh yes, my dearest sister is back! after 9months of not seeing her AT ALL (she doesnt know how to set up her wencam -.-) i have come to a conclusion that she has grown fatter! kidding.
i bet you she's trying to make me grow as fat as her. she came back with TONS of chocolates and biscuits and junk food. (look below)
haha. okay. wish me all the best for my mid-years.
Posted at 2:10 PM 0 comments
Saturday, June 23, 2007
say hello to the random bear i found outside my hotel on the first morning of the vietnam trip. HAHA. random. i just found it very funny. we checked into the hotel at night so we didnt know how the surrounding areas looked like till when i woke up the next day and went "OMG. is that a bear outside the hotel!?!?!"
Posted at 1:08 AM 0 comments
Thursday, June 21, 2007
i feel so disappointed in myself.
i can't believe i actually did that or said such stuff.
reckless actions without much thought.
i should really think twice before i do anything.
Posted at 12:43 AM 0 comments
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
i live my life,
watching people chase false hopes day by day.
i wonder if i will become one of them too.
hope not.
on an entirely different note,
i'm at a cross road of my life, i don't know which path i should take. i know i can never undo the damage i have done, neither can i be like before. but i guess i can always make an effort to be a better person, a better christian.
Posted at 12:53 AM 0 comments
Saturday, June 16, 2007
OMG. i accidentally posted this post to the floorball blog. i hoped nobody saw it.. anyway here's the post.
never before have i been so desperate to just pass my exams.
hey! i'm serious this time. i'm practically aiming to meet the bare requirement of passing my midyears so i can play floorball for VJ. a passing grade is 45, and i find that very hard to get. oh man.
my holidays have been occupied with mainly just floorball and studying. i don't even have time to go out and take some photos or hang out. i have to admit studying at VS at night after training till the wee hours can be very fun. super funny lah how kelly, weiwei and i would chiong down to parkway to buy our bubbletea and have our meal and always not come back before the time we set ourselves to come back by.
these few days i have been meeting many VS friends here and there. i unexpectedly met my best buddies in VS like jake, john and jansen at random places. there was so much to catch up but not enough time.
july will certainly be an exciting month. midyears and floorball inter-jc competition. i wonder how would it be like leading the team in the comp as a captain. i hope i can do a good job as a captain leading the team to glory. somehow rather, i seem to be quite alright not playing in a star-studded line anymore. haha! lesser pressure i guess.. afterall i shouldn't be so concerned about my individual performance but rather the team's performance as a whole and how i can contribute in my own small ways. scoring goals aren't everything.
Posted at 1:29 AM 0 comments
Monday, June 11, 2007
came across this pretty cool thing from cheryl lim's blog. i don't normally post such stuff on my blog but i think it's a rather interesting social project they have there..
Posted at 4:23 PM 0 comments
Saturday, June 09, 2007
oh boy, suddenly i find myself having a lack of meaning to go on.
i see everything as quite meaningless.
i cant peform well in my floorball lately, and i have to say it's quite depressing as competition's a few weeks from now and as a captain i want to help my team become stronger. i don't know why i can't really improve much no matter how much i practise at home. i don't want to end up being bored of floorball. i can do the drills just fine, but i can't deliever during a match.
not to mention the pressure of midyears, especially when there are super smart people around who takes like so little time to study finish an entire chapter. and when you freaking mug in public people thinks you are a freaking mugger and expects you to do well.
ahhh nonsense. it's really not like for O's.
all i wish is to have someone there for me again... like before..
Posted at 11:51 PM 0 comments
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
relationships.
i see many more of my friends either getting into relationships or showing strong affections towards a particular person of the opposite sex. i look at myself and i wonder why am i not very much into this sort of things now. i really wonder why.
i thought back about the crazy times in secondary school when i used to chase after l____ so madly. then again, it wasn't that bad a choice either as she's still one of the best i think. that sort of infuation was youthful ignorance. at least i had somebody whom i could occupy my mind with.
it feels kind of weird now. everybody keeps talking about their beloveds whether be it sad or happy or neutral or whatever. i really wonder if i'm quite normal. i don't even want to admit or tell people if i found somebody hot/pretty only on certain rare occasions.
at least i comfort myself with the fact that i'm not chasing an unreal reality. that usually happens most of the time. not that i have much confidence to embark on such a "journey" on the other hand.
ahh. this post is random.
Posted at 10:42 PM 0 comments
Sunday, June 03, 2007
okay, i shall now blog about my thoughts towards the vietnam trip since i have nothing much to do at home this sunday afternoon.
i guess this trip has left a big mark in my life. i was taught the plain truth that economic wealth does not equate happiness in life. yet why do we still chase after it in life? i really wonder why. i met this little girl in a village in vietnam. she had a face filled with sweetness and a character full of innocence. she seemed so carefree and happy seeing us. she took out some gifts from her pouch and gave them to us. they were folded paper cranes and small flowers. i know i will never be able to find a child like that in singapore, with the exception of a small minority. we live in a society where we outgrow our innocent self too quickly.
just before we left for the airport,we had this cultural exchange with university students. the university over there wasn't much of a university in my point of view, in terms of the building. i can say that our primary school facilities are much better. BUT, there was a clear distinction of personalities between our students and theirs. they seemed so happy and all, playing those childish ice-breaker games that we ourselves mock.
i then asked myself, "why is it so unfair that they are so happy while here we are in singapore feeling so unhappy and depressed about life".
this was one of the few photos i took from my phone. the lady seemed so happy even though it clearly shows the lack of affluence in her life.
when the plane landed in singapore, i just felt a sense of emptiness, lostness and sadness. i had came back to reality. i missed the days in vietnam. i knew i couldn't find what i saw in vietnam here in singapore.
besides happiness, i've seen the other extreme of emotion - sadness, hatred and sorrow. we were sitting outside this bakery very late at night at around 10 something when 2 kids approached us. their eyes spoke a million words and were filled with deep sorrow. their glare still remained deep in my head. it was the first time i had ever encountered such a situation as i have never visited such countries before. i wanted badly to give them some money not bothering whether or not it was a fake, but i was told not to give them any by my friends as it was dangerous. the feeling of possessing so much and not being able to help really sucks.
okay, on a less serious tone, the trip was indeed fun. BUT there were horrible times, like when i got molested by the pervertic female shop owners in the indoor market. the lady shop owners keep touching us when we walked by their shops and there was one who touched my abs. OH SHEESH. i was totally freaked out. i was like @#!@#!%!%. my friends got touched too. poor us.
i went to vietnam with my floorball friends. a total of 8 of us. i was a bit worried at first if i would feel left out as out of the 5 guys, 4 were from cat high previously and i was the only non-cat high. it didn't turn out so bad after all.
we really had much fun together cabbing everywhere out of the hotel on our own during free time, the late-nights together, the crazy shopping spree for clothes, the bargaining, etc. i'm glad i have gotten to know my team-mates better through the trip and i've had a chance to see the different sides of their personalities. but i have to admit i was quite emo and dao at certain times of the trip. i'm really a person who enjoys the company of friends and at the same time like quiet moments to myself. when i'm tired, i didn't really talk much either.. i guessed i put aside my position as captain during the trip and really be myself, not being afraid of what others would say or think.
oh yes, i think i have become more cheena after mixing with them for the past week. all the chinese songs, chinese dramas, chinese stuffs they talk about has made me more cheena i guess. i come from a very english background and do not speak a word of chinese at home my whole life except when communicating with my grandmother. both my primary and secondary schools were very english and had a bad reputation of producing students with lousy chinese standards. the friends i mixed with were very english and chinese was non-existent then. when i entered vjc, everything changed as i mixed with more cheena friends. ahh. oh yes, not to mentioned being laughed and mocked at. don't worry, it's really some thing we, the chinese-cannot-make-it vs students, go through..
i hope life gets better from here on..
i don't know how i'm going to spend my holidays. i have so many groups of friends to go out and catch up with from everywhere. plus, i have training like almost everyday. goodness. not to mention i have to study for my midyears lest i fail terribly.
life goes on...
terrible reality...
Posted at 5:50 PM 0 comments
Saturday, June 02, 2007
okay, i'm back from vietnam.
it was an interesting experience, and i shall elaborate more in future.
firstly, i left my passport on the plane while arriving. i can't believe i was that careless. the security had to open up the plane to find for it. thank God they found it.
secondly, my hard-drive crashed.. ahh.. all my photos.. GONE. lucky i have a backup. so in fact i only lost one month's worth of memories.
thirdly, i had NO CAMERA throughout the whole trip. i seriously regretted not bringing my pro cam to vietnam. i ended up bringing my spoilt digicam which couldn't take any thing. sad case. the place had many interesting things to shoot photos of. i ended up using my handphone cam..
okay, i'm tired and shall update more the next time. :)
i really wish i could be as happy as them.
Posted at 1:05 AM 0 comments