4 yesterday... I was sick along w/most the family... I was short with others and irritable..... need more patience in those situations....
Let's make today the best day of the entire year, or at least the last.
Monday, December 31, 2007
Sunday, December 30, 2007
5 yesterday.. The goal is to keep on trucking and work at 110% so if I do run into days that I am having problems with... it is okay because I have put myself ahead by 10% each and every good day. It is like my emergency savings account ready when I need it.
I found this on one of the bipolar blogs that I have begun scanning for useful info. I thought it would actually help all people living in 2008 and beyond.
Top 10 Steps to DE-STRESS
1. HEAL YOURSELF. (Exercise, healthy diet, and sleep!)
2. GET ORGANIZED. (Removing physical clutter will eliminate mental clutter.)
3. SET BOUNDARIES. (Know clearly what your boundaries are and clearly communicate that to others.)
4. TAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF. (List the top 5 things you love to do and schedule them in on your calendar.)
5. BE POSITIVE. (Alter your thoughts and attitude to create a more joyful existence.)
6. WORK IN A CAREER YOU LOVE. (Do what you love and love what you do!)
7. SURROUND YOURSELF WITH A SUPPORTIVE COMMUNITY. (You'll take on the energy of those you hang around. Surround yourself with good energy!)
8. LEARN TO SAY "NO". (Saying "no" to things you should not give your energy to allows you to say "yes" to the best things.)
9. ZAP TOLERATION'S. (A toleration is an energy drain that is hanging over your head-something that needs to be fixed or completed. Make a list, prioritize, and get it done. Schedule it in or hire help if needed. Zap it!)
10. GET YOUR NEEDS MET. (A "need" is not an option, and something you must have to function. Unmet needs cause distraction. List your unmet needs and make a plan to satisfy them.)
I found this on one of the bipolar blogs that I have begun scanning for useful info. I thought it would actually help all people living in 2008 and beyond.
Top 10 Steps to DE-STRESS
1. HEAL YOURSELF. (Exercise, healthy diet, and sleep!)
2. GET ORGANIZED. (Removing physical clutter will eliminate mental clutter.)
3. SET BOUNDARIES. (Know clearly what your boundaries are and clearly communicate that to others.)
4. TAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF. (List the top 5 things you love to do and schedule them in on your calendar.)
5. BE POSITIVE. (Alter your thoughts and attitude to create a more joyful existence.)
6. WORK IN A CAREER YOU LOVE. (Do what you love and love what you do!)
7. SURROUND YOURSELF WITH A SUPPORTIVE COMMUNITY. (You'll take on the energy of those you hang around. Surround yourself with good energy!)
8. LEARN TO SAY "NO". (Saying "no" to things you should not give your energy to allows you to say "yes" to the best things.)
9. ZAP TOLERATION'S. (A toleration is an energy drain that is hanging over your head-something that needs to be fixed or completed. Make a list, prioritize, and get it done. Schedule it in or hire help if needed. Zap it!)
10. GET YOUR NEEDS MET. (A "need" is not an option, and something you must have to function. Unmet needs cause distraction. List your unmet needs and make a plan to satisfy them.)
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Time With My Spouse
5 was the # for yesterday. Normal as can be. Sorry the last 2 days have just had Christmas indigestion that has kept me up. Yesterday I sealed the concrete in my truck spot in the garage but after moving in Nans stuff from the storage unit I will be parking the truck in a different spot and now requiring me to seal another spot in the garage. Keep this up and after tomorrow I will have the entire garage ready for a Superbowl party. No not a Pats fan.
My wife has the patience of Job. This is still too much of a topic to do it justice. Believe you me that after the many discussions without a true plan of action or the glassy eyes that hit me when she wants to solve a problem, I have come out of these discussions the victor but without a prize. I know that many times she is only looking for me to come up with the same plan of action that is detailed in her brain. Yet, without prior knowledge of the plan how am I to know the details if she doesn't tell me. I don't have ESP and have enough problems understanding the million and 2 things bouncing around in my head. She is correct at least 90% of the time and I have been told that I should listen to her wisdom, but can she be upset or saddened if she cannot believe that I don't have the same detailed plan waiting at the tip of my tongue. She is the wise one, remember!
1. I commit to better communication with my wife.
Now that I know that these marathons can be shortened by just asking more follow-up or find out questions we might see some breakthroughs with our problems solving in the future.
I LOVE YOU SWEET PEA! Chao for now.
My wife has the patience of Job. This is still too much of a topic to do it justice. Believe you me that after the many discussions without a true plan of action or the glassy eyes that hit me when she wants to solve a problem, I have come out of these discussions the victor but without a prize. I know that many times she is only looking for me to come up with the same plan of action that is detailed in her brain. Yet, without prior knowledge of the plan how am I to know the details if she doesn't tell me. I don't have ESP and have enough problems understanding the million and 2 things bouncing around in my head. She is correct at least 90% of the time and I have been told that I should listen to her wisdom, but can she be upset or saddened if she cannot believe that I don't have the same detailed plan waiting at the tip of my tongue. She is the wise one, remember!
1. I commit to better communication with my wife.
Now that I know that these marathons can be shortened by just asking more follow-up or find out questions we might see some breakthroughs with our problems solving in the future.
I LOVE YOU SWEET PEA! Chao for now.
Friday, December 28, 2007
5 to 6 on daily scale. KJ & I cleaned out the garage for Nan's storage stuff & I removed all the oil/grease from the cement. We both hit the wall @ about 5pm and couldn't do anymore after working all day on it. I filled my entire truck bed with stuff/garbage.
The most difficult part of this is how it affects my family. I can handle the repercussions, although not happy with them, but the backlash and ripples that seem to continue on without an end in sight really wears on my wife and kids. Sorry.. tears. Each one has given me so much joy that I cannot begin to express to them truly how much I love them and am truly sorry for the suffering that they have to endure because of me.
I NEED TO YELL! THE MEDICAL COMMUNITY DOESN'T HAVE A CLUE WHEN IT COMES TO PRESCRIBING MEDICINE TO THE BIPOLAR PATIENT. Last May after a routine blood levels test to make sure that the lithium isn't damaging the liver or kidneys the psychiatrist added another 300mg to my daily regimen and after 4 days I couldn't be awake for more than 1 hour each day which continued for 5 days. On the second day of day of Christmas, sorry that doesn't belong there. On the second day my p(or psychiatrist) said oh just go back to 900mg but I had to drag it out of her that this type of reaction has occurred many times with patients in the past when receiving too much. MY WIFE WAS FREAKING OUT. HER HUSBAND AFTER 15 YEARS WAS LITERALLY COMATOSE FOR 5 DAYS AND SHE COULDN'T ADMIT A MISTAKE BY SAYING "SORRY". WHAT A HORRIBLE GUESSING GAME THEY PLAY WITH OUR LIVES. THEY HARDLY DISCUSS ANYTHING WITH US EXCEPT FOR ... "BUT LET'S TRY THIS (HAND ME A SCRIPT) AND SAME TIME NEXT MONTH WORK WELL FOR YOU?" .... Chao for now!
The most difficult part of this is how it affects my family. I can handle the repercussions, although not happy with them, but the backlash and ripples that seem to continue on without an end in sight really wears on my wife and kids. Sorry.. tears. Each one has given me so much joy that I cannot begin to express to them truly how much I love them and am truly sorry for the suffering that they have to endure because of me.
I NEED TO YELL! THE MEDICAL COMMUNITY DOESN'T HAVE A CLUE WHEN IT COMES TO PRESCRIBING MEDICINE TO THE BIPOLAR PATIENT. Last May after a routine blood levels test to make sure that the lithium isn't damaging the liver or kidneys the psychiatrist added another 300mg to my daily regimen and after 4 days I couldn't be awake for more than 1 hour each day which continued for 5 days. On the second day of day of Christmas, sorry that doesn't belong there. On the second day my p(or psychiatrist) said oh just go back to 900mg but I had to drag it out of her that this type of reaction has occurred many times with patients in the past when receiving too much. MY WIFE WAS FREAKING OUT. HER HUSBAND AFTER 15 YEARS WAS LITERALLY COMATOSE FOR 5 DAYS AND SHE COULDN'T ADMIT A MISTAKE BY SAYING "SORRY". WHAT A HORRIBLE GUESSING GAME THEY PLAY WITH OUR LIVES. THEY HARDLY DISCUSS ANYTHING WITH US EXCEPT FOR ... "BUT LET'S TRY THIS (HAND ME A SCRIPT) AND SAME TIME NEXT MONTH WORK WELL FOR YOU?" .... Chao for now!
Thursday, December 27, 2007
It is 3am.
It is 3am 2 days after Christmas. Wide awake and unable to shut down. The old head is firing shots at every angle in a 3 dimensional war to keep me up.
Sorry, I will be using this as my outlet. Never been very good at writing in a journal but maybe I was born for blogging. Had to step away for a moment to wipe some tears and here they come again... If no one reads this that is perfectly fine by me for it is not really anything more than an outlet as a for mentioned. If for some crazy reason and I use that term loosely that FAMILY, FRIENDS or PASSERSBY get something out of this. Well, I guess that might be permissible also.
Bipolar - a wild word that I was hit in the head with back in Sept. of 2006. KJ, my wife, thinks that now that we have a name for it, the symptoms, excuses or outward displays have actually gotten worse. She is probably right. I don't want to dwell on the past 20 years but I may mention things in the past as platforms to learn from in the future.
To learn more try this. http://www.mixednuts.net/home.html Great name but a great place to start if you want to learn more about depression or bipolar disorder.
Ether 12:27
And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.
I do believe these incredible and powerful words. This then will be my MANTRA! Definitely the best part for me is the last were it says "THEN WILL I MAKE WEAK THINGS BECOME STRONG UNTO THEM." What a blessing it is to know that I have a FATHER IN HEAVEN that loves me and with his help I can overcome this disorder. It might not come till long in the hereafter but it will come. I just have to be humble have faith and work like the dickens to do everything in my power to control things like triggers and how I react to what is going on inside my head.
I have never had any serious thoughts of suicide. Another huge blessing... sorry those tears just keep on rolling down my face. Let me go ahead and describe what I experience and my poor family gets the other side of this experience which isn't any better.
- My moods swing between hypomania which makes me feel like superman and depression, or both pols of the mood spectrum. For future reference I will desribe my moods daily with a number. 10 = mania which puts people in the hospital, never experienced that, to 0 which is on the other side with thoughts/acts of suicide. My goal is to stay between 4 and 6.
I start out with an episode of hypomania about a 8.5/9 and have a million thoughts running through my head and not able to do any one of them because another thought comes in and knocks out the one I was just about to write down. My heart rate is normally @ 115 bpm and not an ache in my body. Energy for anything and everything is right at my fingertips and I will not tire until 40 or 48 hours have passed. Then in 4 to 5 short hours I am up again felling very similar with one exception. I will be able to sleep atleast by 1am the next night. This normally goes on for 2 to 4 weeks before normaling out. After 4 to 6 weeks of normal, on my number chart between 4 & 6, I slowly slide down until I am just about unable to function. I feel like a zombie and want to avoid human contact at all costs. The worst of it lasts 3 days or so but the entire process is probably 2 to 4 weeks time as well. Then I'm back on top of the world again and I cannot understand why everyone else just cannot go with my flow.
Now that would be quiet silly due to the fact that a train has a hard time getting anywere if it is always between running full blast and stop. It is 5 am now and I need a break. Chao for now!
Sorry, I will be using this as my outlet. Never been very good at writing in a journal but maybe I was born for blogging. Had to step away for a moment to wipe some tears and here they come again... If no one reads this that is perfectly fine by me for it is not really anything more than an outlet as a for mentioned. If for some crazy reason and I use that term loosely that FAMILY, FRIENDS or PASSERSBY get something out of this. Well, I guess that might be permissible also.
Bipolar - a wild word that I was hit in the head with back in Sept. of 2006. KJ, my wife, thinks that now that we have a name for it, the symptoms, excuses or outward displays have actually gotten worse. She is probably right. I don't want to dwell on the past 20 years but I may mention things in the past as platforms to learn from in the future.
To learn more try this. http://www.mixednuts.net/home.html Great name but a great place to start if you want to learn more about depression or bipolar disorder.
Ether 12:27
And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.
I do believe these incredible and powerful words. This then will be my MANTRA! Definitely the best part for me is the last were it says "THEN WILL I MAKE WEAK THINGS BECOME STRONG UNTO THEM." What a blessing it is to know that I have a FATHER IN HEAVEN that loves me and with his help I can overcome this disorder. It might not come till long in the hereafter but it will come. I just have to be humble have faith and work like the dickens to do everything in my power to control things like triggers and how I react to what is going on inside my head.
I have never had any serious thoughts of suicide. Another huge blessing... sorry those tears just keep on rolling down my face. Let me go ahead and describe what I experience and my poor family gets the other side of this experience which isn't any better.
- My moods swing between hypomania which makes me feel like superman and depression, or both pols of the mood spectrum. For future reference I will desribe my moods daily with a number. 10 = mania which puts people in the hospital, never experienced that, to 0 which is on the other side with thoughts/acts of suicide. My goal is to stay between 4 and 6.
I start out with an episode of hypomania about a 8.5/9 and have a million thoughts running through my head and not able to do any one of them because another thought comes in and knocks out the one I was just about to write down. My heart rate is normally @ 115 bpm and not an ache in my body. Energy for anything and everything is right at my fingertips and I will not tire until 40 or 48 hours have passed. Then in 4 to 5 short hours I am up again felling very similar with one exception. I will be able to sleep atleast by 1am the next night. This normally goes on for 2 to 4 weeks before normaling out. After 4 to 6 weeks of normal, on my number chart between 4 & 6, I slowly slide down until I am just about unable to function. I feel like a zombie and want to avoid human contact at all costs. The worst of it lasts 3 days or so but the entire process is probably 2 to 4 weeks time as well. Then I'm back on top of the world again and I cannot understand why everyone else just cannot go with my flow.
Now that would be quiet silly due to the fact that a train has a hard time getting anywere if it is always between running full blast and stop. It is 5 am now and I need a break. Chao for now!
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