the Time of my Life

Wednesday, March 3, 2010 @ 11:30 PM

and the beaches errode away as our smiles fade yellow

its been closed to 1 year since i posted here. I guess things have pretty much change, no, things have changed till its beyond my expectation. It was totally unforeseen and unexpected for. I didn't want any part of this at all. I guess its all beyond our control..

at some point i used to think that you said you'll nv leave me, so what do i do, now that you are gone? i felt so lost, everyday. pretty much directionless. You left me hopeless and helpless. All the painful nights and afternoon, it was pretty much wks till i had decent slp without having to dream of you everytime i closes my eyes.

and at some point i guess i couldn't help but hated you, i probably felt that its ok, its alright, im so much better without you. But i know it was all a lie. You were just too much a part of me.. that when you left, you took a whole chunk of my soul along with it. Your 1 decision deem all my commitments, sacrifices, efforts, all my love, everything that i had done for you, every little talks that made you feel better, that supported you, that gave you a life, that made you who you are today, every single detail, you have damned and condemn it, render it useless, nothing but all part of a minute memory of your life.

I guess the moments are gone already, those moments that were neither reproductive nor equally the same, come & go with the flow of time, that is none but once in a lifetime..

You were the one who build me up, you were the one who tore me down. You were my greatest pride and yet also my greatest downfall. You were the best of me and you also brought out the worst in me.

I cried till my heart bled. And i know you died too, the moment you had a change of heart. The old you that i still miss occasionally, i don't see it in you anymore. Things change, circumstances change, challenges increases but i thought you will remain.

I guess i was wrong.

But 1 thing i am sure. It was your loss. Though i lost everything, i lost my entire world. But you lost the entire universe that would be your haven and your refuge. You chose to give it up.

1 mistake is enough, i guess without failure, we'll nv succeed. My take away is only so that i will treasure the next even more.

SJM - 到了明天

到了明天　说好不再见面　
坐在街尾的店　我一个人　点了一杯想念
到了明天　只能让爱擦肩　
两个人的笑脸　天亮前　变成泛黄的照片

身边寂寞在蔓延
视线被泪水模糊焦点
把我爱你　留在了心底　放在了唇边

爱　还留在我房间　
回忆还很新鲜　一瞬间　
感觉你就在眼前

身边寂寞在蔓延
这视线被泪水模糊焦点
一句我爱你　深深留在了心底　放在了唇边

到了明天　你就离开我身边
到了明天　独自向流星许愿　
像一场电影的完结篇
我们的结局应验泪水的预言
碎了一地的诺言　拼凑不回的昨天　
可我一直期待奇迹会出现 oh no
而你离去身影　却越来越远

没有你爱开始冬眠　孤单会占据每一天　
我站在路灯下面　冷清的街边
那个曾相拥的地点
是我们一起躲过雨的屋檐

我依然还　怀念相爱的从前
我依然还　等你回到我身边　你留在我冰冷的枕边
按下暂停的时间　直到你再次出现　无法承受没有你的每一天 oh no
我爱你不会改变
我爱著你　到永远

Thursday, January 29, 2009 @ 9:51 AM

Yayyyy =)

Sunday, January 11, 2009 @ 11:33 AM

=DD

@ 11:24 AM

Thursday, January 1, 2009 @ 1:51 AM

New Year Resolu.. Realisation

someone like me is probably someone who doesn't retain alot of friends in this life.

Becuz i don't update my blog, hahaha.

Monday, December 8, 2008 @ 12:42 AM

Look at your email, Baby!

Sunday, December 7, 2008 @ 12:42 AM

Ar.. so busy, either working for Megu or working for Dad. No time to break. So will update again when i have the time ;-(

& gf fly off to moo-moo,meh-meh land liao. Short of 1 power station. Lol

Monday, November 3, 2008 @ 11:07 PM

A LEVEL

Tuesday, September 23, 2008 @ 11:26 PM

more than words

Wednesday, September 17, 2008 @ 8:57 PM

If I've got you, I don't need money, I don't need car, Girl you'r my allll

(its a cajun drum!)

Sunday, August 17, 2008 @ 10:07 PM

ok, was bored from studying for only 1.5hrs?? tsk, tsk. ok so check out funny commercials.

"like the sky-diving and the broke-back, best!"

realised the ang-mo r quite liberal in the sense that their commercials r build mostly on dirty themes. lol and i think bud light commercials r still the best. haha!

Saturday, August 9, 2008 @ 11:03 PM

Tada!

Happy eating Mac Breakfast!

Haha, cute right? anyway, tt white thing at the side is her handbag. Forgot to take out. LOL

Actually my girlfriend's cute. But this is something she will nv realise or see the point. She don't think she's pretty. She dun think she's good enough. Its actually quite saddening.

No matter how much i love her, it might nt cure her incomplexity and low self-esteem. Then a beautiful flower or a graceful swarm will nv reaches its fullest potential cuz no matter how beautiful it is, it will never realise that the happiness of being beautiful.

Its the way you look at yourself. If u dun have confidence in yourself, its not gonna anything.

Actually beautiful doesn't mean we have to be born with a model-figure with the right curvature and right height. Beautiful can come from within, the attitude, the character. Cute can atually come from just a person being someone lik you whose hype up at times and excited for no reason. Or the way you speak or the way you look tired, the way you look enthu or excited. The way you hold my hand and cling on to me and stuff.

Dun undermine your self-value and have a lowly perception of yourself. Your self-worth is more than that of what you can think of yourself. At lease to me, its probably the most important matter in the world. =)

u can be shorter, so and so heavy (which is still so light) and so much more muscular at certain part but it all doesn't really make a difference at all. U'r still my darling. As long as you feel good abt yourself, nth is too ugly. & the fact is tt u aren't at all. & serious i dun think on all average singaporeans have all the right curves,the bigs & smalls.

Hope your perception of yourself will change someday. Dun always focus too much on what others think of you. U live ur life for yourself. Stranger's comments will keep theirs to themselevs..

Sunday, August 3, 2008 @ 11:39 PM

Mark 8:36

For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul?

@ 10:27 PM

self respect

We mus know our limits
if we can't reach so high, then don't expect us to touch the heavens.

Insensitive parents are only so insensitive cuz they know nth about wad we'r going thru; they have no idea what is like, what kinda shit they are putting us thru, tts why they can make insensitive comments

But as a person, we ought to measure it out ourself. We know that certain words and certain expectations are just too much to achieve, are just out to spite us, don't bother. "If you can't walk on water, don't expect me to walk on it."

Even until now, certain Parents are still immature and naive. But as minded individual, we should be able to judge maturely and access the kinda values that they impose. Not everything that a parent say is right.

We have our own mind, our own values. Yes, we respect them, but we do not worship them. .Fullstop.

A problem is only as big as you think it is. If it isn't a problem to you, then it will never be,
Be strong. =)

Friday, August 1, 2008 @ 4:03 AM

4 in the morning

ok, so its 4am now in the morning. & i decided to drop something here since its been so long since i last updated it.

haven't been slping well lately. Nope, this has nv really happened before. Or i shouldn't say slp well cuz everytime i wake up, i feel energised already like now? i've been waking up at 2+,3+,4+,5+. At these kinda freaking hrs. ofcuz different frequencies everyday.

things haven't been good lately too. Relationship wise, it doesn't pose any problem to me. Actually it haven't been since we really got together. & i really appreciate that as in it wasn't what i expected. I mean its much better than good.

But what has been crushing me lately are stuff that i thought it wouldn't matter to me anyway. & here they are now, defining my every breath of what i do every moment im awake, everyday im alive, i see it, i read it, i live it, i just short of that eat it part. Yup, its these stupid results that tells you nth abt wad you tuely understand. All it does is drills you into doing what is suppose to be the 'right' method. But nobody among us truely understand what we'r doing.

Ya, this is shit. The shit shitist decision to come for JC, one tt i nv stop pounding on since my journey till now. I feel like im reduced to a piece of shit over here. Is is the uniform? is it the college, or the affiliation of our sch tt really identify us as NY-jcians? Nope, its the heart. & its pretty clear that my heart doesn't belong in a place full of shit that just buried themselves in whole pile of tutorial, revision and more tutorial.

& im probably doing the same also. Cuz i realised, as i said earlier, what crushes me recently is something that i'll nv take it to heart. My results. I did pretty bad, got the 2nd last in class. Probably hardly anybody get worst than mine ranking point, 28. Even the lousiest person i can find did better than me.. Xue Zun is jus a case of nth studying. He A's some of his subjects if he wants to. All the people i know who were abt the same standard as me have already suppressed me. Only im left behind nth knowing/aware/performing lik im suppose to be.

& Mrs tan did even wanted to see my parents. Maybe she think that i can depend on myself? maybe she think that its no point. Cuz she already spoke to my mum last year. But this time round, all who did badly had their parent's met but me being the 2nd last was only a phone call. How special that makes me to be.. i think. haha

I mean seriously, i have nv nv mug so intensively in my whole life before. & nv dreamt to. This is seriously hardcore mugging 24-7 type. All the pressure is finally buidling up and finally catching me at different times of the day. At some point of time,u just feel like screaming your heart out. Its this very heavy, soggy, thing within that im sure many of you will know what im toking abt. So feeling so confined, i remembered i just look away, facing the window where nobody see my face. & when i 'squeeze' it, water jus came out of my eyes.

Why all these pressure? Because i'm only left with 3 months to prove myself that i can master all of these shitest stuff that i'll probably nv really use them again soon. Or many of them, nt all. & what i've been doing until now? i've been too complacent and slack. I jus realised today that if i had studied the same way i did in the begining of the year, im probably nt in such a bad dept now.

Getting S (sub-pass) and U (un-graded) (they r both fail anyway). This is what my current level is, below average. & my family.. don't have a stand. No, they don't hav time to even make a stand. Becuz parents are so busy, they gt no time to be ard. & when my mum is home, she complains to me and expect me to understand all her difficulties and all that she is going thru. I mean i have nv really depend on her emotionally. & she has nv really taught me how to be there for people explicitly as far as i remember. But now, its like she is wanting me to do something that a parent should be doing for their kid. & all she ever knows is that life is tough for her. I guess for her, its always so easy going, swift, crusing-thru for young adults, teenage kids like us.

haha abit ps if this post seem abit disturbing. It is selfish, i was quite upset with this whole thing that i had another argument with her in the middle of the night at 3am. Ofcuz it doesn't last more than 30mins la. haha as usual. But i guess even superman needs a break sometimes. All my 's' is all over now. Cuz im so confused by GP that i become so conscious to put an 's' whenever possible. That i probably forget to distinguish between singular and pural.

Here's the take-away. The world doesn't care, the cruel-lity of it, the world doesn't care what you go through, doesn't care what you do to get yourself there. They don't sympathise you or show empathy. They don't care how much you'r struggling or what-so-ever. All they care for is what u've got. & if u've got it, u'r up. If nt, sry, no chance, no talk.

This is the catch. No place for weaklings, no place for the last. No one will offer you their service, no one will help you volunteerily. The essential self-centredness and selfishness.. im so so sick of it. I see it everyday, just that they are nt tangeible, they don't 'appear' but when you look deeper at everybody else, u find it. The very ugly nature of man itself. So ugly that i wanna puke.

That is why i don't care. I don't care how badly i do, i don't bother abt the cruelity of this world. All tt matters to me is to create a kind, loving and beneficial environment to people ard who matters to me. & all i can think of now, the only person that i really do all these for currently is my darling.

It tells me something also. That the no. of people who significantly play a part in my life from Jc, is only so few. Nope, its none but only 1. Does that tell you how lonely college is?

ok,im going to resume my life already. afew more mins to 5. & if i seriously don't do it within these few months. Haha, my life will probably be walking down a different path. Not that it might be bad. Not necessarily. But lets just say as much as i can do now, i'll just try to 'ba wou' what i have now. Well, at lease my dad is quite pressure-less and encourageing. He jus return home and walk into my room, told me afew sentences. Though i always have difficulties expressing myself in full chi lik i can't form my sentences properly and i hardly get the chance to talk to him also. Still sometimes with my dad, there is this, 'nth is too hard' thing. Like the world can come crushing down but we'll manage, one way or another, sooner or later. I probably got part of tt ego-ness from him. haha.

Sunday, July 20, 2008 @ 10:58 PM

Comic Strips

halo, this is what i did last week while mugging outside,