Looking at little Jacob's traumatic life made me grateful for lots of things I often take for granted. This little guy never lived with both his parents (who were also never married). Before his foster home, he didn't have anyone who taught him how to dress himself or use utensils. He didn't have anyone who brushed his teeth or gave him basic medical attention. He was always placed second behind drugs and lived in a house where he was constantly in danger. I know I have lived a charmed life and I have so many people who sacrificed to make it that way. So the top ten things I am grateful for this weekend are:
1. Forever Families
2. True Eternal Love
3. Forgiveness
4. Parents who loved me unconditionaly
5. Siblings and inparticular sisters
6. My health
7. My home
8. Good books
9. Good food
10. Forever friends
Happy Thanksgiving!
PS I finished reading Hunger Games (Books 1&2) for the second time. Move over Twilight here comes the next big thing!
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
Things I love!
Things I have loved witnessing this month:
Bryce offering to switch bunk beds with Jacob because bad dreams don't come up to the top bunk.
Shaylee recommending Jacob put the star on the top of the tree because this is a special Christmas for him.
Avery leaning over at the table and kissing Jacob on the cheeck and telling him he is her favorite new brother.
Jacob accidentally hurting Avery and him trying to kiss it better.
Shaylee leaving a suprise note for me and Paxton it the fridge. It said that we were the best parents she ever had and that she thought it was cool that we could adopt Jacob.
Jacob telling me he wanted to give me something and then kissing my cheeck.
Watching all four of the kids play together.
We have so much to be grateful for this Thanksgiving!
Bryce offering to switch bunk beds with Jacob because bad dreams don't come up to the top bunk.
Shaylee recommending Jacob put the star on the top of the tree because this is a special Christmas for him.
Avery leaning over at the table and kissing Jacob on the cheeck and telling him he is her favorite new brother.
Jacob accidentally hurting Avery and him trying to kiss it better.
Shaylee leaving a suprise note for me and Paxton it the fridge. It said that we were the best parents she ever had and that she thought it was cool that we could adopt Jacob.
Jacob telling me he wanted to give me something and then kissing my cheeck.
Watching all four of the kids play together.
We have so much to be grateful for this Thanksgiving!
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Reality
The reality of having four kids within three and a half years of each other is settling in. Everything is still going very well but I think the honeymoon period is over and reality is taking hold. Even with one more well behaved child there is just more toys to pick up, more clothes to wash, more food to make and more homework to get done. Luckily we got Jacob literally the day after Paxton's buys season ended so he has been around to help more.
There have been more than a few things that make this adoption different than a new born adoption. Some of them I think are easier and some are harder. I think the hardest so far is to try to figure out this little guy when I know so little about him. Even with my other kids, it can be hard to figure out what makes them tick. What works for rewards and punishments, what kind of food they like or don't like, when are they being dramatic and when do they genuinely need so lovin. That has been kind of difficult. In fact when we were in his little Sunday school class his teacher mentioned something about Utah and Jacob said "Oh, I've lived there before." I looked at him and said, "You have?" That was kind of eye opening.
I do have to say that I am so very proud of ALL of my kids. Jacob has been a trouper, putting up with new parents, siblings, friends, house, school and church. He has adjusted very well to being a big brother, something he has never had to be before. He did ask why Avery follows him around all the time and I said, "It is just because she is a little sister and she thinks you are so cool." He just nodded his head like that made complete sense. Shaylee, Bryce and Avery have welcomed him with open arms. There hasn't been any jealousy, fighting (beyond normal), tantrums or name calling. I am so proud of how these little bodies can love so unconditionally.
There have been more than a few things that make this adoption different than a new born adoption. Some of them I think are easier and some are harder. I think the hardest so far is to try to figure out this little guy when I know so little about him. Even with my other kids, it can be hard to figure out what makes them tick. What works for rewards and punishments, what kind of food they like or don't like, when are they being dramatic and when do they genuinely need so lovin. That has been kind of difficult. In fact when we were in his little Sunday school class his teacher mentioned something about Utah and Jacob said "Oh, I've lived there before." I looked at him and said, "You have?" That was kind of eye opening.
I do have to say that I am so very proud of ALL of my kids. Jacob has been a trouper, putting up with new parents, siblings, friends, house, school and church. He has adjusted very well to being a big brother, something he has never had to be before. He did ask why Avery follows him around all the time and I said, "It is just because she is a little sister and she thinks you are so cool." He just nodded his head like that made complete sense. Shaylee, Bryce and Avery have welcomed him with open arms. There hasn't been any jealousy, fighting (beyond normal), tantrums or name calling. I am so proud of how these little bodies can love so unconditionally.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Sister update
Lindsay started her chemo therapy and radiation treatments last week. I guess a new chemo drug came out recently that is supposed to be easier on the patients but even so, it can't be easy. The first day was pretty much horrible and then her husband threw his back out and can't walk. Luckily my mom (my dad is in Baghdad right now) and my other sister live about an hour away and were able to come get her little boys. She managed to get to her radiation appointment the next day and it wasn't quite so bad. I don't know if I lived a charmed childhood but I have known an unusal number of women who have suffered from cancer in the last two years. It has been a brutal awakening for me, particularly with my sister now. I used to look at women in history and wonder how they could watch those they love suffer and now I realize that we still have similar trials, I just have the maturity to notice them now.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
From Jacob
One of these pictures takes on a new meaning coming from Jacob. I wonder what difference it makes in his little brain to have a "forever family."
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Wow
It is really hard to sum up the last week in a few paragraphs but I will give it a try. This whole adding-a-child-but-starting-at-five thing has been different, exciting and intimidating.
Wed- Had Jacob and his foster family over. The night went very well and we were so excited to get to meet him.
Thurs- Paxton and I took Jacob out to breakfast. He was cute but a bit shy. Eventually with pancakes and some goofiness we broke down some barriers.
Friday-We picked up Jacob that afternoon and brought him home. We all watched Ice Age 3 (he had picked out while we were out the day before) and had pizza. He stayed the night for the first time and did great.
Sat- Paxton's boss gave him Bronco's tickets as a "baby-shower" gift. The boys, dad and grandpa went to the game and then we went trick-or-treating. Jacob was the first one to walk up to all the scary doors. At one even I got scared when a person (that I thought was fake) reached out at us, but Jacob didn't flinch. The kids all had a good night.
Sun-He went to church with us and did great. When I asked him about it he said it was good but a little boring. Sounds like he got it about right. Sunday night we took him back to his foster house for his last few days of school.
Tues- We picked him up again and his foster parents commmented on how much he had changed over the weekend. They said he was much more confident and self assured. I guess having a forever family can do that for a kid.
Wed-I took him to his dentist appointment and found out that a year ago of his 20 baby teeth, ten had caps, one had been pulled, and every other one had had a cavity. Guess that happens when no one brushed his teeth until he was four. Luckily his foster family was wonderful and everything was good for now. Then he had his last day at his old school but was nominated for student of the month so we will go to his award ceremony tomorrow.
Thurs. Got his school papers ready and finished getting all our foster paperwork together. We are techincally foster parents for six months until the adoption is final. The state just has to come and check on him once a month to make sure he is safe and happy for a while first. It is too bad that bad things have happened to make that necessary. A sweet friend of ours also took new family pictures for us today. Everything went well until the kids ended up in the water and froze.
Fri(tomorrow)Since our kids are out of school we are all going to go to Jacob's award ceremony. Then later we will go to the zoo and maybe out for ice cream.
I was told that adoption was different than having your own biological child but I wasn't (nor could I have been) prepared for what that meant. I thought that having Jacob come home would feel like bringing one of our other kids home from the hospital and it has kind of surprised me a bit that my feelings have been quite different. I have been kind of down on myself that I haven't been able to look at him and just adore him the way I do my other kids but tonight I realized what makes this different for me. I think one of the most profound ways to build love for someone is to sacrifice. With my other kids I learned to sacrifice for them in pregnancy, months of throwing up, headaches, heartburn, all round discomfort and months of bedrest with liitle to do but to think about them. But I was reawarded by feeling that life inside me. When they were born I had already known them for nine months.
With Jacob things are different. I have known of his existance for a month and already he is our new son. I know his background, all the different homes and people he has lived with in his short five years. I know what his caseworker, his foster mom and his counselor say about him and I have got to know him in this week in our home. But I also know now that it was nieve and unrealistic of me to expect to feel the same way about him as I do about Bryce, not because I don't care, not because I regret, but because I don't yet have that foundation of sacrifice and love that creates that mother/child bond. But I also know, that Jacob is supposed to be part of our family and that given the right enviornment and lots of heavenly guidence, this little seed of trust and love will thrive and grow and become a strong new branch of our family tree.
PS Here are some of our Halloween pictures. It is really going to kink my blogging style to not show pictures of Jake until he is adopted but here are our other three.
Wed- Had Jacob and his foster family over. The night went very well and we were so excited to get to meet him.
Thurs- Paxton and I took Jacob out to breakfast. He was cute but a bit shy. Eventually with pancakes and some goofiness we broke down some barriers.
Friday-We picked up Jacob that afternoon and brought him home. We all watched Ice Age 3 (he had picked out while we were out the day before) and had pizza. He stayed the night for the first time and did great.
Sat- Paxton's boss gave him Bronco's tickets as a "baby-shower" gift. The boys, dad and grandpa went to the game and then we went trick-or-treating. Jacob was the first one to walk up to all the scary doors. At one even I got scared when a person (that I thought was fake) reached out at us, but Jacob didn't flinch. The kids all had a good night.
Sun-He went to church with us and did great. When I asked him about it he said it was good but a little boring. Sounds like he got it about right. Sunday night we took him back to his foster house for his last few days of school.
Tues- We picked him up again and his foster parents commmented on how much he had changed over the weekend. They said he was much more confident and self assured. I guess having a forever family can do that for a kid.
Wed-I took him to his dentist appointment and found out that a year ago of his 20 baby teeth, ten had caps, one had been pulled, and every other one had had a cavity. Guess that happens when no one brushed his teeth until he was four. Luckily his foster family was wonderful and everything was good for now. Then he had his last day at his old school but was nominated for student of the month so we will go to his award ceremony tomorrow.
Thurs. Got his school papers ready and finished getting all our foster paperwork together. We are techincally foster parents for six months until the adoption is final. The state just has to come and check on him once a month to make sure he is safe and happy for a while first. It is too bad that bad things have happened to make that necessary. A sweet friend of ours also took new family pictures for us today. Everything went well until the kids ended up in the water and froze.
Fri(tomorrow)Since our kids are out of school we are all going to go to Jacob's award ceremony. Then later we will go to the zoo and maybe out for ice cream.
I was told that adoption was different than having your own biological child but I wasn't (nor could I have been) prepared for what that meant. I thought that having Jacob come home would feel like bringing one of our other kids home from the hospital and it has kind of surprised me a bit that my feelings have been quite different. I have been kind of down on myself that I haven't been able to look at him and just adore him the way I do my other kids but tonight I realized what makes this different for me. I think one of the most profound ways to build love for someone is to sacrifice. With my other kids I learned to sacrifice for them in pregnancy, months of throwing up, headaches, heartburn, all round discomfort and months of bedrest with liitle to do but to think about them. But I was reawarded by feeling that life inside me. When they were born I had already known them for nine months.
With Jacob things are different. I have known of his existance for a month and already he is our new son. I know his background, all the different homes and people he has lived with in his short five years. I know what his caseworker, his foster mom and his counselor say about him and I have got to know him in this week in our home. But I also know now that it was nieve and unrealistic of me to expect to feel the same way about him as I do about Bryce, not because I don't care, not because I regret, but because I don't yet have that foundation of sacrifice and love that creates that mother/child bond. But I also know, that Jacob is supposed to be part of our family and that given the right enviornment and lots of heavenly guidence, this little seed of trust and love will thrive and grow and become a strong new branch of our family tree.
PS Here are some of our Halloween pictures. It is really going to kink my blogging style to not show pictures of Jake until he is adopted but here are our other three.
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