two years to the day when i'm with you.

a thousand and one things in my thoughts. none of them i can pen down.
the past you try to shun away but keeps on flashing before your eyes. some things you just can't help but look back. often a times we look so long at the closed door that we dont see the one which has been opened for us.

its been two years to the day, half the time i've been away.
still i'm lying here tonight, wishing i was by your side.
they say that you can never run away from your history.
but, it's time to try to breathe fresh air. it's time to let go.

summer to fall.

i wish there was a way that i could just stop time,
forever.
remember, summer nights we spent together?
on my car, counting stars.

far away from you, only time will tell.
when you're back in school, will you meet someone else?
remember, forever?
summer nights we spent together?
holding hands, making plans.

every time i think of you, i don't wanna face the truth.
why wait forever knowing we may never follow through?
guess i should get over you.
but i can't let go so soon..

it's always hard to let the feelings go
when summer fades to fall

just wishing i could stay..

goodbye house.

blinking over and over. staring blankly at the screen.
i snapped out of it just a few seconds ago. i don't know why but i'm so shattered deep inside.
i'm so blue, so down, i don't know what to do, what to say to you.
i want to tell you a million and one things, in my thoughts, in my mind. i just can't.
i've lost the courage, the hope, the everything.
pushing myself to stand, clinging onto anything i can just to prevent the fall.
hate to admit this, but i'm so weak,
inside & out.

SOS.

mian mian is EVIL.. LOL!

mian mian likes to bully me!
hahahahaha..

☑Chermaine says:
hahahaaha
lol

*j-/ ☑ linger. says:
:)

☑Chermaine says:
not :'( ??
hahahaa
HAHAHAHA
LOLOLOL!!!

*j-/ ☑ linger. says:
NOOOOOOOOOOO
hahahaha
youre teasing me!
LOL
you bully
hahahaha

☑Chermaine says:
AH HAH!!!
YEAH!!!
HHHAHAHAAHAHAHA
:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(

*j-/ ☑ linger. says:
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hahahahahahahahahhaahahahahah
ass
hahahahaha
next time, ill seek revenge!
MWAHAHAHHAHA

☑Chermaine says:
HAHAHAHAHAAA
JURVIA IS CRYING
OH GOD
HAHAHAHAHAAHAA

*j-/ ☑ linger. says:
hahahahahahahahhahahaa

☑Chermaine says:
CRYCRYYYYY

*j-/ ☑ linger. says:
so unbelievable meh?!
HAHHAHAHAHAHAAH

☑Chermaine says:
QUITE!!!
HAHAHAHAAHAHAA

*j-/ ☑ linger. says:
aiya. i cried in front of you. and youre like, dunno what to do also

☑Chermaine says:
NT BAD U STILL GT EMOTIONS
HAHAHAHAA

*j-/ ☑ linger. says:
hahahahahahahahaahhaah

☑Chermaine says:
HAHAHAHAAA

*j-/ ☑ linger. says:
yeah of course la!!!!
hahahahahahahahahahaa

☑Chermaine says:
LOL
WHATU EXPECT ME TO DO
LOL
HAHAHAA

*j-/ ☑ linger. says:
hahahahaha
i was expecting that actually
cos i know you for so long already
ahahahaa
so helpless

☑Chermaine says:
HHAHAA
GO AND DIE!!!!!!!!
HAHAHAAA
KIDDING
LOL

*j-/ ☑ linger. says:
i dont wna make you feel that way but i cant help it
too scared
ahahahhahahaah
i have seeked my revenge
hahahahahaha
mwahahah
hahahaha

☑Chermaine says:
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

and before she signs out..

☑Chermaine says:
cu soon crybaby
hahaa
bye


WALAO. she really enjoys bullying me!
hahahaha!

cherish

for my last night, i shall blog about my stay here.

i may not say that i truly enjoyed. who would like feeling pain & fear each time they bring you to places you've experienced trauma & tears, which also felt like the longest 30-60 minutes of your life?

but why bring out all the angst? with friends who care, family who loves & adores. how can you possibly feel all negative when they're around, shining on you a ray of light, making you stronger as each day passes?

i believe that i valued this stay the most. it may be the shortest, & i may not be where i wanted to be, but those who will stay with you, goes with you. & that is something that will never change.

sure, there are times that i felt like im a hundred feet deep. often a times you don't know whether you can ever pick yourself up again. needing the person you want, but not having him by your side. so cliche, but it hurts. hurts so much you can feel it pinching your heart, tearing it into pieces like how you chew a loaf of bread. though the feeling sinks in deep, all i can say is, i cherish. cherish what i have now. this is one of the million things i've learned.


ley & i. LOL!
as usual, fooling around.


the class clique. without the lovebirds, ej&kt.
courtesy of ej. hahaha!


tankeelin, forever sleeping!


silly ley & phiney. :)


ah tong! woohoo!
my partner in irritating/shocking people!
MWAHAHA! poor ej. lol!



this is our pet!
SMOOCHI COLE!
hahaha..

cherish what you have now,
& never let them go.
needyou.

stop-by post.

spent the whole day playing neopets & watching 1 liter of tears.
thanks to chermaine, the one who introduced me to these entertainments.
if it isn't for her, i think i would have died out of boredom!

1 liter of tears can make your tear ducts work, surely & effectively!
it's truly a MUST WATCH!

going back to bawling my eyes now.

I'M IN SO DEEP.

feeling a teeny bit better.
ahh who am i kidding?
LOL.

oh, i miss you so much. i long for your love.
its scares me, 'cos my heart gets so weak, that i cant even breathe.
how can you take things so easily?
baby why aren't you missing me?

:'(

chanchan's 17th.

on sunday the 14th, it was ah soh's birthday!
gonna summarise now, 'cos there isn't much to write.

the guys came at 9plus, few minutes after i bought the cake. went down, hid, blah & then gave her a surprise! took pictures & then ate cake. after awhile we bid byebye!

wishing crystalchanchan a very happy birthday!

hurts

im all alone and in this forever. i gotta get back & get it together 'cos you're never gonna get anywhere this way when you're walking in circles everyday the same way. im not quite sure where this is going. maybe another panic attack with no signs of slowing down. im still breathing heavy heavy breathing, with my stomach in my throat choking on the feeling. im losing all i have to offer 'cos nothing here makes sense. im lost & so scared. im numb & overwhelmed on this "hotel" mattress.

just tell me im alright, tell me im ok, tell me anything at all to make this feeling go away. 'cos i love the way that i fall asleep with my head in my hands, everything drifts by me so slowly. im only halfway home, alone and lonely. so go ahead & tell me i'll be alright. just touch me, hold me.

hurts like it's so contagious
off the mark & a little off key. also so overdramatic 'cos this is completely out of my hands & out of control. so you take the chance to take it all. & then i've forgotten everything i know.
im lost, im scared, im sick, im not well & i can never let go.

dreaming with a broken heart.

when you're dreaming with a broken heart, the waking up is the hardest part. you roll outta bed and down on your knees, & for the moment you can hardly breathe. wondering was he really here? is he standing in my room?

NO HE'S NOT.

when you're dreaming with a broken heart, the giving up is the hardest part. he takes you in with your crying eyes, then all at once you have to say goodbye. wondering could you stay my love? will you wake up by my side?
NO HE CAN'T.

now do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hand? would you get them if i did?
NO HE WON'T.

'cos he's gone,
gone,
gone,
gone,
gone..

sinking/stinking

hold onto my hands, i feel i'm sinking,
sinking without you.
& to my mind, everything's stinking,
stinking without you.

how you remind me.

SO OVER. :(

I see you, beside me.
It's only a dream,
A vision of what used to be.
The laughter, the sorrow,
Pictures in time,
Fading to memories.

i just realised,
.. how could i ever let you go?

SIGHS. so over.
so so over.

the death of my soul.

all hope, lost tonight.
to have faith, it's difficult. because everything turns out the same in the end.
how can my bleeding heart weather much more? this miss, this want, this need.
& to scream it all out loud? dying to!
but to get your heart chewed up & then spatted back at ya,
FUCKING HURTS LIKE FUCK.

does this darkness have a name? this cruelty, this hatred, how did it find us? did it steal into our lives or did we seek it out and embrace it? what happened to us that we now send our children into the world like we send young men to war, hoping for their safe return, but knowing that some would be lost along the way. when did we lose our way? consumed by the shadows. swallowed whole by the darkness. does this darkness have a name? is it your name?

& then i died, masquerading the pain of a bleeding heart.
crumble & fall.

i cannot carry the weight of the heavy world.

You left me hanging from a thread we once swung from together.
I’ve lick my wounds but I can’t ever see them getting better.
Something’s gotta change.
Things cannot stay the same.

The room was silent as we all tried so hard to remember,
the way it feels to be alive,
the day that we first met.

You make me think of someone wonderful, but I can’t place him.
I wake up every morning wishing one more time to face you.

retail therapy, dinner/catching-ups, crazy thoughts & getting wasted just to blind myself from the unconscious. all of those but to no avail, all in vain.

DENIAL. it's not just a river in egypt, it's a freaking ocean.
an ocean so big you can't spot me, 'cos i've struggled, failed, & then drowned in its fathomless waters.

It's beyond me,
I cannot carry the weight of a heavy world.
So goodnight, goodnight.
Hope that things work out all right.

but i tried.
i tried my best to reach you.
but i can't anymore..
:'(

Perfection isn't the goal -- happiness is.
like, DUH.

the unknown.

who is real & who is not?
that is the question.

you see, i've been feeling absolute misery but who is actually there for me if one day, i reach out a hand? who will pull me up from this hell hole?

i've been so preoccupied with myself trying to get past this grief that i've forgotten about the people around me. this may sound self-centered but, was there really anyone? or all along i was alone struggling and competing with my inner foe?

& so the answer remains unknown.

you turn my whole world upside-down.

i've been spending some time,
thinking i'll be alright.
don't know if i can really make it tonight.

lie awake in the dark,
calm down, then i'll start.
thinking about you,
it's almost breaking my heart.

i don't know where i went wrong,
or what's going on.
baby, i feel like our love lost tonight.
should i stay, should i go?
well i really don't know.
lately i've been missing you so.

baby you don't understand.
our love lies lost but,
you're still holding my hand.
oh, and then you walk away.
just tonight, i want you to stay.

you're turning me on,
you turn me around,
you turn my whole world upside down.
you're turning me on,
you turn me around,
you turn my whole world upside down.

everytime i hurt you, well it's hurting me too.
don't know if i could really stay here tonight.
tired of thinking of you, and everything that you do.
tell me, what am i supposed to do?
well i just wanted to say that I need you today.
tell me, it's all gonna work out all right.
i don't know where i should start, but with all of my heart,
baby let me be your lover tonight.

INSOMNIA!

crappy is the word. okay what's new? LOL.
insomnia insomnia insomnia. my whole body's giving away, my mind's draining out & i still can't get to sleep the required 8-12 hours of sleep. how retarded is that? argh!

i'd love to sleep for a day. no, wait. i would definitely want to be in a coma right now. as in be a vegetable for god knows how long. call me crazy but, who doesn't want to have such serenity while you know so much that you wouldn't miss anything, or that anything wouldn't miss you?

sigh, maybe we're not doing as good as we think we are.

put me in your heart & go see everything.
then come back to me.
PLEASE..

something to remember.

been very busy thus, very restless.
have so much to tell but so little time!
oh & i haven't gotten back the chatty mood i used to have so don't expect to see me flooding blog entries or whatever. but i assure you guys that, i will update soon.

great quotations that i found in a friend's friendster.
some people think that it's holding on that makes one strong;
sometimes it's letting go.

though great and sincerely true, a question lies beneath it.
how to? :(
until i've figured it out, i'll stick to my belief for the time being.

hmm so i've been surfing through friendster, looking at my good friends' pages when i came across something i hold dearly to my heart.

& i tell you, i don't know whether to smile or wimper.
:'(

For a healthier life, you need to share your feelings -- no matter what they are.
do you believe in horoscope readings?

HOLIDAYS

HELLO WORLD!! I'M BACK FROM THE DEAD!

okay honestly speaking, i don't feel like going online anymore. it's like, i no longer feel chatty, plus i've sort of lost the interest in the internet world that i've left my friendster rotting! like, which loser would leave his/her friendster rot like that?! (that would be me! UGH!)

oh so anyway since i'm already here, i shall announce to the world that MY EXAMS ARE OVER which means HIP-HIP-HOORAY! but i'm not quite sure why i'm feeling so whatever right now. as in, i'm not in a very YAY-IT'S-THE-HOLIDAYS mood. so so weird!

mundane mundane! life is so mundane!

MISSING PEOPLE RIGHT NOW!
for example, this woman woman woman!

dearest lili lala,

i miss you many many. i hope we've got some time to catch up & see each other soon.
good luck for your o's & study hard too okay. wish you all the best.
oh & btw, cheer up! you still have me around even though i may seem to have disappeared. :)

with much love,
jurveeahh

dec '05, tiong bahru plaza food court.
OH THE MEMORIES.
the smell of your skin lingers on me now.

leyley's big surprise!

before you guys start reading i want all of you to know that this post was saved in my drafts since 7/13/07, because i have yet to add stuffs in. but i havent gone online for the longest time so please, do FORGIVE ME for my tardiness. :(



okay finally i got the time! shirley's birthday pictures, as promised! :)

bought groceries at square 2's ntuc & also went cake-hunting. headed to my house immediately to pack up all the stuffs. still have time, so we decided to watch sexual intercourse, animal style (or simply known as animal porn) on national geographic. lila loves it! hahaha!

times up! so we took a cab straight to..


and then we were like "WOW!" 'cos..



after much slacking, we started preparing. blowing and pumping air into the balloons 'til our hands went sore & we became breatheless. hahaha!


& 'cos we love mister smiley..


I LOVE BALLOONS!!


after much hard work from everyone..



BUT we weren't satisfied so..


TADA! :):):)

job's all done so we slacked..


& most importantly.. CAM WHORED!


wore the bath robe 'cos i'm a very boliao person. =D


& after a lil while the rest came, & we got the part-aye started! ;)

the birthday girl.
pretty much surprised even though she saw phiney running in the hotel. LOL!




party starters! :)
with huixia btw, 'cos she was the one who helped out with "bluffing" shirley.


leyley posing with the mini chivas & her saliva infected cake.
('cos everyone atarted to blow out the fire from those magic candles!) LOL.

so the guys went home & only we girls were left. no idea what happened that night though, 'cos i was fast asleep. LOL! (yeah, super piggy.) but based on the pigs, i'm guessing they ate, cam-whored (as always), crapped (literally & metaporically), & blah-ed all the way until one by one, they all turned in.



the sun rose & i was the first one to awake. ('cos pig slept the whole night, DUH.)
crystal & shirley didn't sleep, & so ley sent crys to the bus stop for work work work. oh & corrie headed out to work too while i was asleep. =D
waited for the rest to wake up, & the we packed up bit by bit.& cam whored a lil again of course. =D



when we were ready to go we bid byebye!

:'(

& then we ended the celebration with..


SUSHI TEI! yumyum, YAY!
sushi tei rocks! sushi tei, THE BEST! ;)

MWAH!