Without question, the biggest news of the weekend (sorry,
Mayweather) was the announcements by former neurosurgeon Ben Carson and former
head of Hewlett-Packard Carly Fiorina that they are running for President. Wow.
A surgeon who knows how to fix brains, but doesn’t understand how they work and
a former business dynamo who was consistently rated the worst CEO in America
have joined the field of Republican luminaries campaigning for America’s top
job.
There is actually only one Republican running for President,
but it has five faces (and could end up
having as many as 13). This multi-headed
monstrosity is the creation of the evil Koch brothers whom we also have to
thank for the Tea Party, which visibly sustains the hideous creature. The
Kochenstein monster answers only to its masters and speaks in one voice,
advocating regressive, repressive policies that are favored by the criminally
insane and old white people with dementia.
If I were a rich man, I would award a large sum of money to
anyone who could identify a significant policy difference between any of the
current Republican candidates. They all speak Tea Party, a language filled with
code words and dog whistles that provides a thin veil over their true racist,
elitist, greedy selves. They are united in their hatred of Obama and his
accomplishments, blaming everything from the Baltimore riots to Dutch Elm
disease on the socialist, foreign-born uppity negro.
At least in the Democratic race there is a clear choice
between a very moderate establishment candidate and a boat-rocking progressive
socialist, but on the Republican side there are many different faces, but they
are all saying the same things.
The Kochenstein monster stumbles forward, its mass
increasing as its mind shrinks, terrorizing many in its path as it lurches
towards its final destination: Washington, D.C. It’s time to grab the
pitchforks and light the torches.
