Lonely

Wow, it's been over a month since I last blogged, maybe even 2 months! Ho'ea is now 4 months old, and Kaua is 2! Here are pictures of the two brothers.

I'm writing because I'm feeling a little sorry for myself, and needing a place or outlet to vent. (Commencing pity party...)

Ever since moving back to my hometown with my hubby, we've had a difficult time adjusting. Part of it was because we had a baby (now we have 2) and were adjusting to being parents and not putting our wants first, but a very large part of it was because we left most (if not all) of our friends. I thought that in time, we would make new friends, or re-acquaint with old friends, and continue to lead the very active social life that we left behind. But here we are, going on 2 years now, and we have not yet found friends like we had or reconnvened a full social calendar like we used to have.

I'm not sure if it's because we are parents now and we just haven't had the opportunities to make friends, or if its myself and my husband that are some how inadequate, or if its because this place is a small town and people have already established their groups and dont need "extra" friends. A lot of the friends I had in high school are still here, and we do get together on occasion, but social events are extremely few and far between, and many of my friends are in different stages of their lives (ie. they had children much younger than we did, so they're doing sporting events etc with their pre-adolescent/teen kids) so we have not a lot of ground to connect with or bond over.

Anyways, hubby and I just have not quite gotten into our groove socially. Our social activities primarily revolve around events with my family, and while these are often and usually fun, we still miss our own "adult" time. There are times when even my family has their own things going on, and on nights like tonight, when DH is away at work, it's just me and the boys. As I type right now, I'm enjoying my 2nd beer while my 2 year old, Kaua, watches xmas cartoons and my 4 month old, Ho'ea sleeps. It's quite nice, actually, with my xmas tree and lights going, but I do miss having someone to hang with that is an adult once in a while.

I'm not sure if things would be drastically different if we hadn't moved, (meaning our social lives still would have probably declined due to kid obligations), but I do know that we both had several groups of friends who were also having children the same time that we did, so it would have been nice to have these friends to "commiserate" with, socialize with, etc.

Anyways, I'm not sure if there is an answer to this post. I do know that each of us are our own masters of our happiness, and if something isn't making us happy, then we should go out and do something about it...and I'm actually trying to do just that..(ie. joining an activity group)....I'm just not sure if I'm seeing any results. (I do admit that I am sort of quiet and shy at my chosen activity group -- hula-- but only because I'm not quite the most talented hula dancer, and so I find that my insecurity in dancing transcends into having a shy personna as well.)

With that being said, I wonder if all parents find the adjustmet from constant social outings to stay-at-home mommy/daddy a bit lonely, or if what I'm feeling is more unique, especially since my motherhood came just 2 weeks prior to a large move?

guess who can sleep through the night!

Ho'ea!!! Yipppeeeee!!! he started doing it just when he turned 2 months old and has been doing it consistently now for the past 2 weeks. (Maybe just 1 or2 nights of the past 14, he got up once, but only in the early morning). Hallelujah! Now if only we could get his older brother to do the same...

Yes, kaua still gets up 1x a night pretty regularly. Usually for his "baba" which is now his word for milk. I give all the credit for sleeping through the night to the fact that Ho'ea sleeps in his crib in another room. With kaua, because we were living at my mom's house for his whole 1st year of life, we had no choice but to have him sleep in our room. And because of it, I could hear his every stir, and at the slightest possibility that he sounded uncomfortable or that he was getting up, i would go pick him up and feed him. But because Ho'ea is sleeping in his own room, i dont get up (or even hear) his nighttime stirrings (but yes, i do hear actual grunts/cries if he is up), so I dont pick him up and unintentionally wake him when he isn't really up.

AND, Ho'ea is such a good waker-up-er in the morning. Many times, I'll hear him stirring and I'll go over and check on him and he'll just be up, happily looking at his mobile or out the window. ITS WONDERFUL! None of this crying when he gets up business that his older brother still does. I have read about babies like Ho'ea and have always been envious of those stories and perhaps even somewhat in disbelief that it could really be like that, but its true!!! I have one of 'THOSE babies!

Speaking of difficulty sleeping, guess who's crying and stirring right now (it's night)...the older brother. Duty calls.....

Grateful reflections

As I walk down my hall, heading to bed for the night, I check on my sons. Ho'ea is sleeping peacefully in his crib. I cover his legs with a light blanket. (Yes, I know, according to the books, this is a no-no, but with this one, since I'm "experienced," I do what feels right). Whew, sigh of relief, since apparently, he has very recently decided that he hates bottles and pretty much cried the entire day today, refusing to take milk from the bottle while i was at work. (This new and sudden phenomenom will hopefully be discussed in another post soon). Ho'ea is a big boy for his age, two months old today. His cheeks are full and round, his legs bulging with baby fat rolls. He stirs a bit when I lay the blanket on him and I hold my breath, hoping that he wont wake. He doesn't. He looks just like me, I think.

Kaua, is also sleeping peacefully in his twin bed, cuddled up against one of the mesh railings. I pull out the twisted sheet under his leg and body and cover him up with it too. This boy sweats when he sleeps (even though his room is the coolest of the house), so he only gets really light coverings at night. I touch Kaua's head, to check that he isn't sweating, and in doing so, caress his face and new haircut that his GG gave him today (the boy refuses to get a haircut, and thus, has had his hair growing out since January of this year). He is such a handsome boy, taking entirely after his dady! And now, he looks like an angel. I'm so proud of him!

As I head to my room, to get ready for bed, I think to myself, "amazing!" I have two children. Two sweet, beautiful, adorable children (who definitely can also be monsters...yes, even two month old Ho'ea) who both love me, depend on me and for whom I am pretty much their entire world. I think, I am so blessed. I've come so far. I am a mother. Wow!

Life is so different now with two children. I have become a different person. I'm still me, yet not me. I'm a mother. I've discovered an unknown inner strength, patience, love, empathy, knowledge, instinct, stamina, determination and duration. Things that all come with the territory, but none that you could describe or know until you are in it.

My marriage is also different. We are not each other's centers anymore. Our lives revolve around our children, our work, and our house/home. I struggle to find a balance and to keep the relationship strong. I know so many marriages fail because the couple loses themselves to the daily grind of family and life. I do not want that for me. I want to be proactive to ensure a strong healthy relationship.

I am so thankful for this experience. For my children. Although, they present the biggest life challenge, I've ever had to endure (yes, even bigger than my journey to become a mother and the miscarriages along the way), they are the best parts of me.

Ho'ea is two months old. Kaua is 22 months old. They are both so handsome and perfect.

just a quickie- Ho'ea update

Just a quickie post....

Ho'ea slept almost through the night last night! he only got up once to eat! That is amazing! He had reduced his nightly wakings to about 2x a night, but last night was only once. I'm not sure if this will continue and become a trend, but wow, that would be wonderful if it does!

My boys are fighting a cold. Their cousins were sick and b/c they are watched all together, they got sick as well. Luckily, it doesn't seem too bad. Ho'ea has been fighting the cold well, seeing as how it's his first. he just sounds congested, but it must be internal, because when I try to suction his nose out, nothing comes out.

Ho'ea is still a gassy grunter. I tried gripe water, and the 2x we tried to give it to him, he threw up both times. not sure if we're giving it to him at the wrong time (after eating, which I suspect is the culprit) or that his stomach is rejecting it. still, we have not found something that provides adequate relief for his gas. I'm hoping he'll just grow out of it.

Ho'ea is huge! He is just 1 month old and he's almost outgrown his 3 mo. old clothes and is fitting into some 6 month old clothes. He's also out grown his size 2 diapers and is ready for size 3. (We're just trying to use up the last of this size 2 pack that we have....)

Much much bigger than kaua, and kaua is on the higher end of the spectrum for height and weight. i'm wondering if the doctor will comment on Ho'ea's weight and size when we go back for his 2 month appointment? Ho'ea is only fed breastmilk, so surely he should be ok, right?

Ho'ea is starting to smile more. Still not quite on command, but more. I'm trying to determine if he has a dimple. My mom, brother and one of my brother's children all have dimples. DH and I do not....Kaua does not....but hoping that Ho'ea does. if we can capture one of his rare smiles on camera, I'll post it here and you can be the judge.

4 weeks old and job rejection

Wow, time is flying by. Ho'ea is now 4 weeks old. I haven't yet posted a picture, so here is a couple we took when he was just 10 days old. (he is much more chunkier now.)

Here is one of the two brothers also taken around the same time.

(yes, we have to cut Kaua's hair, but that boy will not let anyone go near his hair with a sissors!)

Things have been tough with two little ones at home. Sleep is a luxury, well at least, free time is. The boys are both very needy, and I find that I'm always having to tend to one or the other. Thank God for family or I'd be going insane. Though I think sometimes, I'm on the brink of it.

Ho'ea is a "grunter." He is pretty gassy and seems to have difficulty burping and passing gas. He doesn't really cry, just grunts when he is uncomfortable, which is often. He'll burp after a feeding, then we put him down, then 10 minutes later, will need to be picked back up to burp again. This will cause him to then want to eat again, so we do the whole cycle all over. Sometimes we cant get him to burp and he'll spit up. It's exhausting! I'm glad my husbad had 1 month of paternity leave because he's been a huge help.

Ho'ea also eats a lot!! He'll nurse frequently during the day, but thankfully only 2x late at night. (12am and 4am usually). So, he is much more chunkier than Kaua was, especially in the cheeks, which has earned him the nicknames of "bombucha", "fatso", and "chunky monkey". He weighed 9 lbs 2 oz. at his 2 week exam. I'm sure he'll weigh a lot more at his 2 month exam. I remember being sad that Kaua didn't have those cute baby fat rolls that are common with infants. But Ho'ea will definitely have those. He's already starting to get "cankles."

Speaking of paternity leave, DH goes back to work on Sunday. How am I going to cope the nights alone? I swear, if its not one kid crying, its the next. I'm definitely in for a challenge and will need to master the art of moving around while i'm breast feeding. And I'll probably have to kiss good bye any sleep that I thought I may be having.

Kaua is definitely in his terrible two stage (although he wont be 2 for another 3 months). He has mastered the art of throwing huge tantrums, and it's very tough to get him out of them. He will scream and wail and cry with the best of 'em and is very difficult to dissuade once he decides he is going to throw one. I feel bad for our neighbors. They must think we are horrible parents the way Kaua will throw fits each night. On a positive note, he did go pee in the potty for the first time this past week, but we haven't been able to duplicate that again. Kaua is reluctant to want to sit on the potty, and when we do get him on, he rarely does go. But on one occassion, we got him to sit long enough (with the allure of Elmo utube videos on the itouch), he went pee! It was a momentous occassion, but one that we haven't seen again. I guess in time it will come.

As for my maternity leave. I didn't really have one. Since I'm working part time, I only get paid when I work. In my line of work, I have tons of deadlines, so I agreed to do a project due during my "supposed 1 month leave" to help pay some bills, and because it was a project I had already started and was thinking I was near completion. Of course, when I go to turn it in, my boss adds on more work to it, and of course, I have to do it. Then he brazenly asks me if I have time to do another one, and again, it's for a case that I've also been working on, so I reluctantly agree. These projects have been huge and have had me pretty much working my full (parttime) schedule of 20 hours per week anyways. Now that its September (well tomorrow it will be) I was planning to return to my full (parttime) schedule anyways, so I pretty much didn't have much of a leave. It works out though because I only work 2 full days a week at the office and can work from home for any other time I want to, so technically, going "back" to work doesn't really mean much time away from the kids.

Speaking of work, while I was in the hospital giving birth, I got a call for an interview for a county position that I had been eyeing since I moved here. I interviewed and did really well. I almost thought the job was mine the way things were going. The down fall was that it was for a full time position and the fact that I just had a baby wasn't helping things. However, I just got the call today and was told that while I was of the top two candidates for the position, I got beat out by someone who had slightly more experience and enthusiasm for a portion of the job responsibilities (which I was honest about during the interview and explained that that wasn't my forte or my preference). I was told that had I had more interest in that particular job responsibility, the job would have been mine. (oh well, I'm glad I was honest, because I would hate for them to think I loved doing that task, when I sooo do not). I was also told that they want to keep my resume on file and that if another position opens up, they want to offer it to me because they want me on their team. I was also told some other nice things, which helped to soften the blow of being pretty much rejected. I'm not sure if another position will open up, but I'm hoping. My family says this is for the best because having to work full time (while the boost in pay and benefits would have been awesome) would have been very trying for me at this time in my life. Plus I would have struggled with the work schedule. But I admit, I'm seriously bummed about not getting the job, even though i do agree that the timing wasn't right.

On that note, I better go tend to the little one. the big one is napping, which allows me to type away (a luxury that I'm rarely afforded nowadays), but I can hear the little one giving DH some grief (in the form of grunting). It's probably time to go feed the chipmunk, again. (hey a new nick name!)

Mommy of a new born, take 2.

Well being a mommy of a new born again, it's challenging. Rewarding as well, but also challenging, especially since I've now got a tornado of a toddler as well.

Even though it's only been 20 months since Kaua was a new born, I'm finding that I'm relearning some things. Such as the art of latching, breast feeding, burping, dealing with infant gas issues, sleepless nights, etc.

I also find myself comparing my experiences with Ho'ea and Kaua. Kaua was a much easier eater. With Ho'ea, he takes approximately 10 tries to get a good latch. That boy just does not want to open his mouth wide enough! Ho'ea also takes quite a while to burp, and sometimes does not burp, which then leads to spit ups or fussiness from the gas buildup. However, this time around, since I am a more experienced mom, I've got the feeding schedule down better, and am able to get Ho'ea to nurse from both breasts during 1 feeding (usually). This leads to a more satisfied tummy and hence, a longer sleep. With Kaua, and Ho'ea's first night home, I would let them nurse till satisfied on one breast only, which led to them falling a sleep, and not getting a fully tummy. Of course, they would be up in the next hour to nurse ("snack") again. I finally learned to limit the time of nursing on each breast and put a burp and diaper change in between each breast, to ensure he is not too full and up for the 2nd breast.

How Kaua is taking being an older brother? Well, he appears to really like his "baby." He always asks for him and wants to see him. He is, however, much, much, much more clingy to my DH. I think it's from a combination of DH being home more (he's taking 1 month of paternity leave) and me being less available for Kaua. While I'm enjoying the much needed break of having my "opihi" stuck to me always, it does make me nostolgic for those times when I was all that Kaua wanted. I do enjoy seeing the two buddies get along though. In fact, as I type this, the two are sitting outside in our garage, on beach chairs, waiting for the garbage truck to come by and take our garbage. Kaua is very facinated with the garbage truck and garbage cans. He calls the cans "wu tang" (or so it sounds like it).

To me, the most difficult part of this whole experience is Kaua. He is so active and inquisitive. He is ALWAYS getting into everything and doing things he is NOT supposed to be doing (going into the cupboards, taking things out he isn't supposed to, playing with electrical sockets or at least trying to, banging pots and pans around, trying to play with the baby - very roughly, etc.). Of course, these are all parts of his learning experience, but I swear, that boy does the opposite of what we ask him to, and he thinks it's funny, even though we've never given him reason to think so. Of course, Kaua will always be our first son, and we love him, but he definitely adds quite the challenge to raising children.

Ho'ea is growing, growing, growing. He has already outgrown the newborn diapers (those diapers wont hold in anything and we were constantly having to change his clothes and his blankets with each diaper wetting). He has also outgrown all of the newborn clothes (luckily we didn't have very much) and is wearing 0-3 month old clothes. He is now a little over 1 week old.

He is very much alert and active when up, but he also sleeps well too. He's got very long eyelashes and dark brown eyes, just like his brother. His black hair looks straight for now, but that was how Kaua's hair was in the beginning, but now his hair is curly. I will post a picture soon. We're planning to do our own baby photos sometime this weekend.

It's a..............

Another Boy!!!

My 2nd son, B.l.a.z.e. H.o'e.a.k.a.u.i.l.a ("Ho'ea") (middle name means "The Lightning Arrival") arrived in this world on Wednesday, August 3, 2011 at 9:19 p.m. It was a doozy of a labor and I did it without pain medication!!! (Although that was not my choice, he came so fast there was no time for the anesthesiologist to get to my room to give me pain meds!) I typed up my birth story my first night at the hospital, so I'm going to repaste it here:


Wednesday, Aug. 3, 2011 9:19 p.m. 7lbs 13 oz., 20 inches. Apgar 9/10.

Where to begin.

Well as of last week I began to very slowly lose my mucus plug. I noticed some mucus at about 4:30ish at work. I noticed more mucus throughout the following days, but it was never really very heavy. I also began having more increased braxton hicks contractions, but nothing that I thought were noteworthy.

As the days passed, and my due date of Friday, Aug. 5 slowly began approaching, I became more and more anxious. I had not gone past 39 weeks with Kaua, and had hoped that this pregnancy would be the same.

Mom and I did a lot of walking when we could. I ate pineapple and did other things to hopefully speed the pregnancy along. Nothing seemed to be working.

Over the weekend, and perhaps starting on Monday, I noticed that my braxton hicks contractions were getting a bit stronger, such that I felt some cramping at times, but again, nothing consistent and nothing that I thought compared with the pain I felt in my first labor.

Tuesday night, (last night), we had dinner at my Papa's house for my cousin's 22nd birthday. Again, I felt some discomfort, sort of like an acheyness, but nothing that I thought was notable. I was also fighting a slight cold that both DH and I had caught from Kaua.

At work that day, and even the prior thursday (I only work Tues. and Thurs. right now), I was getting anxious and had a hard time concentrating. I kept logging onto babycenter to read about symptoms of labor and other women on the board who were approaching their due date. I even googled the statistics about what week of the pregnancy was most common for women to give birth. I was satisfied when it appeared as of the larger percentage gave birth in their 40th week.

Wednesday morning, today, I had a doctor’s appointment at 10:15. The doctor I saw, Dr. A, checked me for the first time. I had been declining checks previously because I knew it would not make a difference. With Kaua, I was checked at my 38 week appointment, told I was barely 1 cm, had my mucus membrane stripped, but told that I would likely go full term. Kaua came either 2 or 3 days later. So I knew my cervix dilation was not a good indication of labor.

Anyway, Dr. A checked me and she said I was 3 cm dilated. Great news!!! I forgot to ask how much effacement I was though. She quickly did the cervix stripping and boy did that hurt. I remember saying “ow, ow, ow” then reverted to my lamaze class breathing. That helped. Dr. A answered some of my brief questions about a potential induction if I went past my due date, explaining that they would schedule me for another appointment in 1 week and if I hadn’t given birth by then, they would go ahead and schedule an induction. But she stressed that she didn’t think I would make it to the next appointment and that she thought I would be giving birth any day now. I hoped she was right, but from previous experience, didn’t put too much emphasis on it.

I was feeling disappointed around 4pm today when it appeared as if nothing was happening on the labor front. However, as 5 pm rolled around I began noticing that I felt achey. The braxton hicks (or so I thought) were coming fairly often, but I’d have to say not more then 5-10 minutes apart. DH and I had tickets to go see the local semi-pro baseball game that night and I really wanted to go, but because I was feeling so uncomfortable, I decided against it. I made the decision very last minute though. We went to the UPS customer service center to pick up a nursing cover I had ordered through the internet at 6pm, and I was having some contractions all throughout the trip to and back. I began timing them and they were coming about 5 minutes apart.

I called my mom and told her that we weren’t going to baseball and that I thought that tonight would be the night and asked if she could come pick up Kaua. At first she said she was going to go to the gym and then check on me afterwards, but as it became clear over the six o'clock hour that this was it, I called her back and asked her to come soon.

From about 7-8pm, my contractions were coming on a lot stronger and quicker. Averaging about 2-4 minutes apart and over 1 minute in duration (about 2 minutes). (As I typed this, he started crying so I picked him up out of the hospital bassinet and he stopped crying, guess he just wanted to be near mama. He also burped too, so that probably helped. He’s now in my arms as I type this on my notebook.) Anyways, DH and I were sort of frantically trying to get things together for the hospital. DH was trying to wash dishes and clean up from the fish dinner he had made (I didn’t have the appetite to eat it unfortuntely). I was trying to get last minute things we needed for the hospital and pack a bag for Kaua in case he was going to sleep upcountry at my moms. The contractions were pretty strong at this point and I didn’t seem to be having very much breaks in between them.

Mom finally came and got Kaua around 8pm. By then I was in major pain. She started telling me to labor as much as I could at home and blah blah blah, (a little too much bossiness). After she left, I tried to wait until a time in between contractions and called labor & delivery. I explained that I had been timing the contractions for the last 2 hours, and while the first hour was more inconsistent, the last hour had been fairly consistent at less than 5 minutes. As I was talking, the nurse noted that I sounded like I was in pain and said I should come into the emergency room to get checked. I asked if maybe I should try to tough it out longer, but she said I probably should just come in, just in case. (Boy am I glad I did).

DH was trying to load things into the car and I had a hard time even getting to the car myself. At one point, I was like no, I wanna stay on the couch, because it hurt so much to move. I was getting very little relief inbetween contractions. They felt like they were never ending. DH motivated me by saying that since it was our 2nd one, the baby could come fast, so I got up and went to the car.

We drove to the hospital which was only 10 minutes away and I was in major pain. DH asked if he should just drop me off or park the car and we walk in together and I was in so much agony so I yelled, “You think, I cant concentrate!”

He parked the car and we walked in. The room wasn’t crowded thankfully. They took one look at me and said “baby” and we both nodded yes. They asked if I wanted to walk and I said no, so they went to get me a wheelchair while I tried to check in. It must have been a little after 8:30pm. I was pretty useless at this point, so DH had to give them my card and ID and stuff. They had me sign some forms and I just scribbled. I would have signed anything at that point. They had DH go get a visitor’s pass and the nurse asked if I wanted to wait for him, and I was like “I don’t care.” So up to L&D we went. Luckily, DH was only a few seconds and he caught up to us before we could even reach the elevator.

They put me into L&D room 4 and the nurse checked me. She said I was at 5-6cm dilated and 100% effaced (my cervix was nice and soft). I asked for drugs right away, and she went to call the anesthesiologist. I also asked if I could have something now, but she said that it would be best if I waited since I was getting the intrathecal.

By then the contractions were awful. I wasn’t really paying attention to anything and really struggling to maintain my breathing, keep my eyes open and focus on anything. Everthing I did hurt like heck. I tried rolling onto my side, but that made it worse. I yelled and moaned at some points and begged the nurse to “help me." It had been about 15 minutes since she called the anesthesiologist and DH and I were getting anxious. The nurse tried to reassure me that she was on her way. I was in so much pain, nothing seemed to be helping. I was so sore, I began crying out during the contractions and said against my own better judgment, “I cant do this!” several times.

The nurse and DH tried to reassure me that I could, but nothing seemed to be helping. I guess the doctor heard me yelling, because she came in. Her name was Dr.B. They were finally going to give me some morphine to take the edge off, but she wanted to check me first. As soon as she checked me, she told the nurse, Ellen, in a frantic voice, “never mind, she’s fully dilated, she’s ready to push!” (it had only been about 15 minutes since the nurse said I was at 5-6cm). By then I was in so much pain, I didn’t care what the heck happened. I was aware that it was too late to get any medications and somewhat terrified of it, but my body just took over. As Dr. B and the nurse scrambled around the room trying to get their instruments, the doc told me to breath through the next contraction. I exclaimed back, “I have to push!” and she said ok, do it. DH held my right hand and I began pushing. I could feel the baby coming down and into my vaginal canal. With that first push, I’m pretty sure the baby crowned. I also remember feeling a poppin sensation and warm water gushing out.  My water bag broke on that push.  The doctor said just one or two more pushes and the baby would be here.

I pushed again, and kept pushing. The doctor again reassured me that baby was almost here and asked if I was still having a contraction. I didn’t know, all I knew was that I needed to push. So I pushed one more time and the baby’s head was out. I think I could feel the tearing (I tore in 2 spots, above and below), it was like a burning sensation, but with all the pain I had been enduring with the contractions, it all seemed to blend together. When the head was out, I didn’t see anything (I was in too much pain and there was no mirror), so don’t know if the baby had an umbilical cord wrapped around him or not, but they asked me to stop pushing, and I was able to briefly do so, but the urge to push came again. I pushed and the rest of his body came out and they said, “It’s a boy!” and put him on my chest.

He cried right away! He was all chubby and pink. He look very good and the nurse said he had an apgar scoreof 9/10. I was so exhausted and overwhelmed by the whole delivery I was sobbing with exhaustion and tears. From the time I checked in to the hospital and the time the baby came was only 40 MINUTES!!! Much more different than with Kaua. We didn’t have time to call anyone!

I got to hold the baby boy while they wiped him up and DH cut his umbilical cord. DH kept saying that I did so good and that I did it without drugs. I couldn’t believe it too!!! I’m glad it happened so fast, because it hurt like heck!!! I felt embarrassed at how much moaning and screaming I did, but thankfully, that was only for about 10 minutes and likely through only 3-4 contractions. After he came out, I told the nurse and the doc, "Yay, I'm not a bitch anymore!" They said no worries, it comes with the territory and they are used to it.

I delivered the placenta (which hurt a little too) and was shaking in awe and adrenaline. The doctor said that was pretty common for very fast deliveries because the adrenaline was still coursing through my veins with no where to go.

Now I sit in my post partum room. It is 12:47 am on August 4th. DH has gone home (hospital rules, only the mommy can stay, spouses/partners have to leave, WTF right?!). Mom had come after we gave birth and she also went home. I’m sharing the room with someone else who has the window. Oh well. (She ended up being someone I knew from grade school and soccer. She discharged the next day so I got the room all to myself the 2nd night).

Baby is in my arms, sleeping peacefully as I type this. I’m still kinda bleeding a lot and am supposed to monitor it myself. (I got a lot more pampered at the other hospital where I gave birth to Kaua…they do everything for you). Without DH here to help, I feel kind of limited. It’s hard to move around. I don’t even know how I’m going to sleep!!!

We’ve got some major brainstorming to do tomorrow. We still haven’t picked out an official name, although, I’m pretty sure his first name will be B.l.a.z.e. DH gets to come back at 8am. We made arrangements for Mom to watch Kaua in the AM and gram in the PM. Hopefully, he’ll be able to visit too. I’m not sure how he’ll react to having a new baby brother.

I’m going to check my pads one more time while I try to pee again then hopefully get some shut eye.

3 cm dilated

Well the good news is I'm 3 cm dilated already. The doc doesn't think I'll go much longer. She also did the cervix membrane stripping thing, which really hurt, and I found myself reverting to some of the breathing techniques I learned in lamaze class (which helped). That's supposed to stimulate some hormone which will hopefully help labor begin.

As for a possible induction, there is no set date yet. What happens in this smallville town is that they schedule me for another week appointment (next wednesday) and if I still haven't given birth by then, they call our local hospital and see what the availability is for an induction. The local hospital only allows 2 inductions per day, so my induction date will depend upon their availability. As for whether an epidural will be available for my induction, the doctor said chances are most likely, but not 100%. She did reassure me that they will do everything possible to help me cope with the pain, should it be necessary. I decided to leave the details as to what they'll actually do for my induction for the next appointment, since she said it'll depend upon how far along I've progressed at the time. The doc also said she highly doubted that I would need an induction or even make it to next week's appointment. (Where I would be 40weeks and 5 days pregnant.) I hope she's right!!!

The bad news...it's been about 5 hours since my appointment, my cervical membrane stripping and 3cm dilation news report, and still nothing's happening. Not even losing any mucus plug today. Have had some braxton hicks and uncomfortable cramping, which can be expected with the cervix stripping thing, but nothing else. No bloody show...no nothing.

Hmm, maybe this baby wants to wait for my birthday to appear (my birthday is this saturday, the 6th), but I really dont want to share.

Induction questions.

Can concentrate at work! Keep logging onto babycenterdotcom to read about other people's experiences with upcoming due dates and labor signs, symptoms, or lack thereof. I think based upon my research on google, it is more common that women give birth beyond their due dates than before, but I'm not really sure how accurate the statistics are that I've read. All I know is this suspense is killing me. I really thought that I'd have a baby by now. Although my EDD is still 3 days away, I'm getting so impatient. Not only am I fed up with all the discomfort, fatigue, etc., i'm also getting nervous about having to be induced. I had planned to last as a long as I could without pain medication, but if I have to be induced, I may not have much of a fighting chance without pain meds. Should I then schedule to have my induction off island where an epidural will be certain? Or if I'm induced here, will we also be able to schedule an anethesiologist so that an epidural will be certain? What will they do if I have to be induced? When will I be induced. I know that my doctor has said that they do not like to let patients go beyond 41 weeks, so that means I could have an induction next week sometime.

My next doctor's appointment is tomorrow, so obviously I'll have a lot of questions and will probably have a lot of answers then. I am in uncharted territory. I'm almost to my due date, and still no baby. Just some braxton hicks which are irritating and sometimes a bit cramping and a VERY SLOW losing of my mucus plug. C'mon baby, when ya coming?

I really hope its not on my birthday.

Still waiting.

Nothing much to report. 5 days till the due date. Still losing my mucus plug very slowly. BH fairly often, but not consistent and not really painful. Some slight cramping with an occasion BH....but no real action. Getting more and more uncomfortable and swollen. Expectation is building! When will this baby come?

Update on labor status....

I'm 1 week and 1 day from my due date. Or 38 weeks and 6 days pregnant.

Just wanted to update on my status so far (I reread my blogs just prior to the birth of Kaua and it was nice to see what I was going through at the time and want to continue a good record for future reference).

So today is Thursday. On Tuesday, when I was 38 weeks and 4 days pregnant, I noticed that I was loosing a little bit of my mucus plug towards the end of the day. Each time I wiped when I went to the bathroom, there was some mucus. Went home and packed my hospital bag in hopes that this meant baby was coming. But it stopped later that night. Saw some very slight mucus again at around same time yesterday, but only on one bathroom occasion. Today, so far, nothing.

I had a doctor's appointment yesterday morning and eveyrthing is fine. I opted out of a cervical check till my appointment next week, only because I know that whether I'm dilated or not will not tell me anything about how soon my labor will start. (I was told I was barely 1 CM dilated with Kaua at 38 weeks and had him 2 days later).

I've been having tons of Braxton Hicks over the past few days. Feeling them daily and several times an hour, but they are not painful. I haven't really been keeping track of them, but I'm fairly certain they are not consistent or worth timing as of yet.

No bloody show. No real mucus plug loss as of yet.

Lotsa discomfort when I stand and walk, mainly because the baby's head is so low and seems to be hitting my cervix, sometimes painfully when I sit down heavily. I'm feeling really slow. My lower back is achey, especially now b/c I'm sitting at a computer all day for work. I stand up to take breaks every hour, but am still achey and stiff. My groin area hurts on occasion when I walk, especially in my left side, kinda like a pulled inner thigh muscle.

I'm feeling like this baby will be coming very close to its due date, and praying it doesn't go over my due date.

When (or if) I go back to my doctor's for next week's appt, where i'll be 39 weeks, 5 days, I'll ask the doctor to do a cervical check and hopefully a stripping of my cervical membrane to get things going. I've been told that they wont let me go past 41 weeks due to studies that found increased risk to baby if I give birth past the 41 week mark. Guess baby will be here no later than 8/12, but I am really praying that he or she makes an appearance in the next few days!!!

Have been and will continue to try walking on a daily basis to help speed things along. This is difficult though b/c I'm feeling fatigued, my feet are more swollen and hence more painful when standing for even short periods of times, and I just feel so huge and awkward and uncomfortable.

Hurry up baby #2!

38 weeks and 3 days

I'm getting close to the end now. It's just a waiting game. Kaua came at 38 weeks and 5 days (I think) which would make that this Wednesday. However, I feel like this baby isn't going to come as early. It's kind of fun, trying to figure out which day I'll go into labor. The excitement, the anticipation. I keep looking for the signs I had with kaua. The day I went into labor, I lost my mucus plug slowly throughout the day. Everytime I went to the bathroom, I saw a lot of mucus on my toilet paper. I also had some diarrhea (I know, doesn't everyone want to rehear these intricate bodily funcition details?). I then had a backache after dinner, which turned into labor pains and contractions. I had the bloody show that night as well. Still waiting for any of these signs. My mom keeps checking in to see if I'm in labor. I'm like, Mom, I'll call you, dont worry. She wants me to go early b/c she's made travel arrangments for the day after my due date. Helloooooo, no one told you to make travel arrangements then (which is also my birthday, yeah, see how special I am on my mom's list?).

Anyways, its a waiting game. I'm definitely ready to be NOT pregnant. I'm huge, I'm swollen, my stomach is getting stretch marks, I'm uncomfortable, i dont fit any of my clothes. Yah, this is so NOT glamorous! C'mon baby, we're ready to meet u!

Bad Blogger/Bloggy Buddy

What is it? I've been a bad blogger and bloggy buddy. My blogging is so sparse and I had over 100 blogs to read in my reader, which I'll guiltily admit that I skimmed over. Could it be that blogging and reading blogs have lost its pizazz (spelling?) to me? Have I outgrown my need to spew out my personal life with the entire internet world as well as lost my interest in keeping up with my bloggy buddies? Perhaps I just have much less time to actually sit at a computer for leisure. Whatever it is....it's happening and I'm not sure how to change it or even if I want to change it.

And on to my update:

I'm 35 weeks pregnant and heading into the home stretch. Baby #2 who I swear is going to be another boy is due in just about 1 month. We're starting to get our preparations underway for another child, a newborn! Ack! The baby will get the crib, so we've bought Kaua a big boy bed (twin bed....why waste our time with a toddler bed right?) and he spent his first night in it last night. I'd say it was pretty much a success in that there were no significant changes from how he slept in the crib. He still gets up 2x a night, but now, we can just crawl into bed with him to help him fall back asleep (hey, beats bringing him into our bed which is what we've been doing lately). I did still give in and let him sleep with us for the last 2 hours or so when he woke up for the 2nd time. Let's face it, he's so used to waking up with someone sleeping next to him, I couldn't bear letting him wake up alone in the morning. I may just have to chalk this up to letting Kaua slowly adjust to sleeping on his own the whole night. I'm hoping for better sleep alone success with #2 since he or she will have their own room from the get go (where as Kaua had his own room only after he turned 1).

We're still stuck in the name game for baby #2. We have no clue what this kiddo's name is going to be. I've got a couple front runners for the english name, but nothing serious for the Hawaiian name. Oh man, I hope I'm really inspired when this kid is born.

We've been attending several birth classes over the past few weeks: a free two week course offered by the hospital and a paid 6 week course that I signed us up for. Since I'm going to be giving birth sans epidural, I better be uber prepared for dealing with this pain and I'm taking all the help I can get. Yesterday, at the freebie hospital class, we were subjected to an hour long video showing 5 couple's live birth stories and man-oh-man was that intense! They left nothing out and we saw full birthing shots, complete with juice gushing, untrimmed pubic hair, bloody smearing views. Some women got epidurals which was nice, but those that did not, wooooweee those women were in pain. I still cannot fathom why anyone would want to subject themselves to that amount of pain for such a long duration when there are pain free methods available. I really hope I can handle this baby's birth with a measly 2-4 hour long intrathecal.

Does Kaua understand that he's going to be a big brother? Not really. He does know that my tummy (specifically my belly button) is now referred to as a baby, and I try to show him pictures of a baby, and a baby in the womb to explain that I'm going to be having a baby soon, but I dont think he gets it. He likes to point to his own belly sometimes and call it a baby and will sometimes point to my boobs and call that a baby too. I really hope he'll adjust to the divided attention. My hubby and I have discussed this and we're both so over-the-moon with kaua we both feel so bad that some of our attention will be taken away from him to this other little one. But I know parents do this and go through this all the time (have a 2nd kid), so I'm sure we'll be just fine. I dont really see it as not being able to love another little one, b/c I already know I can do that, I just feel so bad for having to split my full attention from Kaua. I'm sure I'm making a big deal out of nothing and he'll be just fine. That boy is a trooper.

And he is definitely a boy....never sits still and has no fear. Freaks me the heck out when he wonders off out of sight and doesn't give a rip if he can see me or not. or when he sticks is whole face in the mall water fountains, for the fun of it, or tackles the waves at the beach b/c his daddy is stand up paddle boarding out in the deep somewhere.

ok gotta go, my hourly bathroom duty is calling (talk about peeing frequently, sheesh!!)

Smattering of bullet points

I'm now 30 weeks pregnant and as the time draws near for baby #2's arrival, I find myself wanting to record this pregnancy journey more and more. Although time is much more limited, I still want to keep a record so that I can one day look back and remember/cherish the little details of this pregnancy. I also want to continue to record the milestones and achievements in Kaua's life. However, because there is so much going on and most thoughts are not sufficient for a separate post on its own, I've decided that random bullets may be best utilized for this post. So without further adieu, random bullets of the latest happenings:

• I still think I'm carrying bigger in this pregnancy than I was with Kaua. When I look in the mirror I see a bigger belly (think more overhanging) than before.
• I have no clue what we're having, gender-wise, but i recently dreamt it was a girl!
  
• We STILL have no names picked out for this child!!! We have maybe a couple possibles, but no real winners, and I'm starting to worry. I dont want to be stuck in the hospital trying to come up with names and then choosing one that I'll later regret. I like being prepared and giving birth without a name makes me feel unprepared.
• This baby is carrying much lower than Kaua. And almost all movements are mid belly or much lower (think just above pubic bone).
  
• I can surprisingly sleep decently without my body pillow on occasion. With Kaua I NEEDED my body pillow in front to support my belly and a couple pillows for my back. However, unfortunately, we still have "issues" which leads to Kaua sleeping with us and hence, there is not much room for extra pillows, so I've discovered that with this pregnancy I can sleep without some pillows.
• Speaking of sleep issues, Kaua has this tendancy to have terrible screaming/crying episodes in the middle of the night. Like crazy tantrums where he'll scream for his "baba" which is what he calls milk, but when we bring it to him, he freaks out and throws it back at us, then continues to scream for it. These are the most extreme tantrums that he's ever done. He is clearly sleep walking (or doing some version of it) but we dont know how to snap him out of it. He can do this for 15mins and longer. We've figured out that the only thing that calms him down is putting on Seasame Street, his favorite show (and Elmo, his favorite character). Eventually, when he calms down, he drinks his milk then falls back asleep. This is a little freaky and I plan on talking to the pediatrician about this during our next appointment this Friday.
• So because of these sleep issues, I've been giving in and letting him sleep with us more often, because this is exhausting, and we/I need sleep. I've pretty much ruined a lot of the sleep training we had previously done in january and I'm dreading when baby #2 arrives and I have to juggle two babies at night. I really want to start training #2 from the beginning to sleep on his or her own in their own room, but how do I do this when Kaua gets to sleep in ours? And how do I handle all this middle of the night wakings with two kids? (btw: kaua has also recently not been responding well to his daddy getting him when he wakes up in the middle of the night, so its been falling on me to do this). Ugh!
• Kaua seems kinda naughty to me. I'm not sure if this is normal for most kids his age, but he laughs when we scold him and punish him (with a light spank or time out or whatever). He is very inquistive and fairly bright, so he is ALWAYS getting into things he shouldn't be, despite our repeated warnings not to. For instance, he'll take plugs and try to put them into outlets, (we do have protective outlet coverings everywhere in the home). Because this is super dangerous (should we one day forget to put a cover back on), I'm always scolding him not to do this and trying to explain how dangerous this is due to the electricity, but he just laughs and tries to do it again. I try distracting him with something else, but the darn kid will go back and try it again in a few minutes. This is just one example of what he does on a routine basis, whether it be electrical outlets, running away from us when we are out in public, going too deep in the ocean or pool, going into the road, etc.
  
• Kaua NEVER sits still. He is very active and always on the go. I hope hope hope #2 is a lot more mellower than he is.
  
• Kaua has a great vocabulary and a great memory. I know, every mom thinks this of their kid, and i admit, I'm one of them.
  
• I'm swelling a lot more in this pregnancy than I did with Kaua. So much so, that I have to consciously cut down on my foods with high salts, which I never did with kaua. But I do allow myself a cheat now and then, and right now as I type, i'm eating my favorite - sunflower seeds.
• We're taking childbirth classes from two different institutions this time. We're taking the two course free one from the hospital and we're taking the 6 course paid one from a childbirth center in our area. I hope that I'm better equipped to handle the pain this go-round, especially since I may not have an epidural available to me. Yikes!
  
• I'm going to look at a BOB double jogging stroller tomorrow, which was on sale via craigs.list. According to a friend of mine who also has two young ones close in age, this is one of her must have items, and I've been considering whether to get a double stroller and which one to get if I did. She's recommended this one which I agree with, since I had been contemplating getting a jogging stroller already. She said it's totally worth the money (hello, brand new ones retail for about $500-$600!!!). She is also the one who recommended the umbrella stroller we currently have, the Maclaren, which I love, so I trust her judgment.
  

That's it for now.

tired.......

Well, I am at 29 weeks and I'm TIRED! Much more so than I was with Kaua. I feel more sleepy in the mornings, throughout the day, and less motivated to work out. I'm not sure if this is because the pregnancy is different or because I have a toddler who is quite the handful.

Taking care of a toddler with a burgeoning belly is quite the challenge. He doesn't quite get that I have a baby in my belly, but we're working on it. When I ask him where the baby is, he'll lift up my shirt and point at my belly button. He loves to climb on me, crawl on me and just plain be on me, which is uncomfortable to say the least because of my belly. And of course, with a toddler (who will be almost 1.5 years old at the end of this month) requires a lot of moving around (chasing him to stay off the road, or get out of the cupboards, or brush his teeth, or change his diapers...you get the point) and bending over (cleaning up food, toys, books, clothes, things he takes out of the drawers and cupboards....etc). Ugh. While I am very happy and excited to be having TWO children, man oh man, do I have my work cut out for me!

I'm also more swollen this pregnancy than last (which could be contributed to by the fact that I have much less free time to exercise and work out like I could last time). It's just amazing how different my mindset is this pregnancy than last. There is no doubt that the level of love for this baby is any less, it's just much harder to focus on this child and his or her impending arrival when you've got a little goober in your life taking up so much of your attention. How in the heck do mothers of more than 1, 2, or 3 do it?? I swear, becoming a mom gives me MUCH more appreciation for mothers. This stuff is HARD!

Giving birht without an epidural

It's been a while since I posted. Not much news to report. I'm 24 weeks and a day or two pregnant. Baby is much more active now, or at least I can feel her or him more. It's interesting to compare this pregnancy with when I was pregnant with Kaua. With this child, the kicks and movements are always felt down low and with Kaua it was always up high. I've heard or read somewhere that the kicks are usually the indication of where the baby's feet are, and everytime I had an ultrasound with Kaua, he was always head down, which explained why I always felt movement up high. I wonder if this means this baby is head up, and if so, i hope he or she turns eventually, and is not a breech baby. We've decided to give birth at the local hospital. It was just too expensive and difficult to plan to fly away to give birth, especially because of the unsure timing of when baby will come (who knows though, it is always a possibility). We've signed up for a local birthing class where hopefully we'll learn better techniques of how to help me cope with the pain so that i can last until I'm able to get what is called an "intrathecal." this is a procedure where pain medication is administered for labor, but it only lasts for two hours before it wears off. We are allowed to get it twice, so I'll have approximately 4 hours of pain free labor and will have to bear the rest of the pain on my own. My labor with Kaua lasted for quite a while, from about 2am till when he came out at 8:25pm that day....so about 18 hours....11 of which I was on epidural and about 4 of the preceding hours on morphine. (yes, i've come to realize that I've got a very low threshold for pain.) I am hoping that with this labor, because its my second it'll go quicker, especially since I wont have an epidural which apparently can slow down the labor process b/c I was essentially numb from the waist down (but boy was it such a blessing). But I am estimating at least a 12 hour labor (conservatively I hope), so I realize that I'll have to last at least 8 hours of drug free pain!! ugh! Other than the above, no progress on the choosing the name front. We've come up with several possibilities but none that have felt right nor have the meaning that we had when we came up with Kaua's name. I really want this child to also have a great story to his or her name and so far we haven't seem to found one that fits. I'm hoping that as the day draws nearer, something will inspire us and the perfectname (or names, since we will have to be prepared for either) will come to us. So far no belly pictures for this baby yet. Although this baby is very much loved and we're excited to have our family of 4, it's all so different because its my second. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that my days are filled with caring for kaua (who I must say is a HANDFUL) that I do not have time to dwell on this pregnancy like I was able to before. Being a mommy to a 16 month old is tough...and I've heard that it only gets tougher!!! Yikes!

All is well and it's a....

SURPRISE!

First, we had our level 2 ultrasound yesterday, and as I suspected, baby #2 is looking normal so our risks of downs syndrome have gone back down to that which is normal for someone my age. The doctor went on to say that the ultra sound, like ours with Kaua, was "boring" meaning all looked normal, which is what we love to hear.

Second, the exciting news about this ultrasound is that we stuck by our decision to keep the gender of the baby a surprise for birth. I'm uber proud of myself and my resolve to keep the gender a surprise because I sooooo want to find out now and it would make naming the baby so much easier. And my DH wanted to find out the gender but was willing to defer to my choice to keep the gender a surprise. Because this may be our last child (I'm really thinking two children will be enough for us, b/c they are a handful and they are expensive!!) so I want to experience the excitement and surprise of finding out a baby's gender at birth.

During the ultrasound we told the technician that we wanted to keep the gender a surprise for birth, so she had us look away when she viewed "the goods." But she did confirm that the gender was readily apparent to her. In my head, I've construed that to mean that the baby is a boy, but my husband pointed out that it could just mean that she's experienced in these matters and can easily tell at this point (19 weeks 3 days) the difference between a girl and a boy on ultrasound. Of course, I'm hoping that DH is correct, because I am sooooo hoping for a girl.

But of course, any gender will be a blessing as long as the child is healthy. Which based upon the ultra sound is looking to be the case.

The other interesting piece of news that we learned from this ultra sound is that i have an anterior placenta. I asked about this because I haven't really been feeling the baby consistently like I did with Kaua at this point in the pregnancy. The technician confirmed that I indeed had anterior placenta which explains why the baby's movements haven't been as pronounced. I have only just very recently felt the baby and been sure that it was the baby.

So now that we've passed another hurdle of angst, the next dilemma - naming the baby and deciding where to give birth- here without the guarantee of receiving an epidural, or in the city (which will include with it tremendous expense and inconvenience, but will mean receiving an epidural for sure).

Thank you God for the great news!

Ugh, not again....

Not sure if you remember, but back when I was pregnant with Kaua, my quad screen test came back with an increased risk for downs syndrome for him. We had an early level 2 ultrasound which put our fears at ease.

Well the same thing is happening again with this pregnancy. I tested again for an increased risk for down syndrome with this baby. Our numbers are 1 in 49! Seems small scary huh? With Kaua it was 1 in 77. Normal for someone my age is 1 in 500 and normal back when I was pregnant with Kaua was 1 in 714.

I'm flying to the big hospital next monday for the early level 2 ultrasound again. We're praying that all will be well as it was with Kaua. While I'm feeling somewhat of a veteran when it comes to this, it still is worrisome.

Thinking good thoughts.

No news is good news.

Sorry, it's been a while since my last post. I really have nothing much to report. Well I take that back, there's always something to report with Kaua, but seriously, who really wants to read about these things, other than me.... lol. Kaua is FINALLY walking. I'd say he's about a 75% of the time walker. He does not walk well and resorts to crawling if there's uneven surfaces (ie. extra long grass) or when he wants to get somewhere in a hurry. I must say, getting to this stage has been tough. Tough in the sense that I've been feeling as if he'll never walk and combatting those awkward exchanges with other moms/guardians who make me feel as if Kaua is "slow" because he's a "late walker." I know this is not the case because I myself didn't walk till I was 15 months old, which Kaua will be in about 5 days, and that his pediatrician is not concerned at all because she also didn't walk till she was 16 months old and said not walking up to 18 months is still "normal." This "late" walking has also been tough because we know Kaua can do it, as he's been taking steps for almost over a month now. He's just been slow to rely upon walking as his primary form of transportation and really seems attached to crawling. He's also a taller/heavier baby than the average, so he's been pretty heavy to tote around. I've been relishing those days when he can walk on his own, though I know I'll be singing a different tune when I have to chase after him constantly. But nevertheless, it seems he's finally realizing that walking is better than crawling, it's less painful on the knees and he can HOLD stuff in his hands and move around! Oooh la la!

The pregnany with #2 is good so far. I'm two days away from being 17 weeks pregnant. My next PNA is this Friday so we'll find out if bebe still has a heartbeat and such. (I say this jokingly, kinda....you know how it goes, with MC in your history, it's always a scary and sad possibility in your mind.) I think I've felt a few kicks here and there, but its very sporadic and not daily. I still dont really feel pregnant, but I have been having very sore BBs this month and have found that I outgrew one of my pre-pregnancy bras already. So that makes me feel somewhat pregnant...that and the fact that I'm now wearing various maternity clothes since some of my regular clothes aren't fitting any more.

We're still on the path of keeping the baby's gender a surprise for birth, but I'm still thinking and hoping - girl, girl, girl! We have our Quad screening test this Friday and am hoping for good results. With Kaua, this test came back with an increased risk for Downs which caused me some concern for a little while, but we did get to have two "big" ultrasounds with him because of the risk and those ultrasounds put our fears to rest. I hope we have great results this time around and only need to have the one "big" ultrasound, which I believe we'll schedule around my 5th month. That's all for now....will check back in in a month or so.

Sleep Training - it's working!

About a few days ago we started to see some promising results of ST. Kaua has been going down to bed, recently with only a short amount of fuss - approximately 5-10 mins, then even more recently, has been going down w/o fuss!!!! Hallelujah! Unfortunately, he still isn't super consistent and there has been an occasional going to sleep with screaming, but generally, prebedtime fuss is fairly mundane and consists of blowing off steam whining/crying instead of screams. the past 3 days or so, he has gone down w/o any crying or fussing, but I have to admit that I cheat a little and stay in the room after putting him down for an extra 5 minutes or so, gently patting him and shushing him until he sleeps. I dont know if this is helping or harming the situation, but I greatly enjoy leaving the room with a sleeping baby rather than leaving the room with a crying baby.

As for MOTN, that still is a challenge, but there has been significant improvement in that department as well. He generally doesn't need a bottle anymore, but does still get up one time in the MOTN and has been inconsistent in getting back to sleep. Sometimes he'll fuss and cry for what seems like forever and at other times, he'll go back to sleep with just a small amount of shushing and patting (after picking him up to calm him down). He'll also get up a second time usually around 5am-6am and again, we've still been allowing him to co-sleep with us at this waking, only b/c we each only have about 1-2 hours left of sleep and we desparately want those precious minutes/hours (for all of us). It is sooo easy to just bring him into bed at this time and have him sleep quickly, rather than having him screaming for 20 minutes, pretty much ensuring that none of us get anymore sleep for the morning. It is upon this waking that Kaua usually asks for his first bottle of the day, and it's been working out to give it to him. I figure that he's been asleep and w/o a bottle for practically 11-12 hours, so a bottle at this time is more than necessary.

As for how we ST, I must say that having that bedtime routine is a must. I'm not super exact in how we do it, but it generally consists of bath, playtime, storytime, lullabye while rocking him with the lights off, then put him down. The playtime, storytime and lullabye with rocking is an always. The bath is sometimes done early or later, depending on where Kaua is and who is watching him. Dinner sometimes is thrown in, as well as a bottle, and these mixers to the bedtime routine dont seem to throw him off very much. I'm also not extremely strict with the clock and when he goes down to sleep, but I do try to keep everything in between 6:30-7:30pm. Occassionally, it may be later, depending on how he naps during the day. (Which is another challenge, only because there are several different people watching him on any given day, so his nap location and the way he goes down are ever changing.)

Anyway, I must say that ST was a success and we saw real results after 2 weeks.

As for bebe #2, I'm now 13 weeks and apparently out of the 1T. Time sure does fly! The doctor's visit yesterday went smoothly (despite a 45 min. delay at the office!) and bebe's heartbeat is at 160's. A little higher than Kaua, so I'm hoping that signifies a girl! I know, it's an old wives tale that girls have faster heartbeats than boys, but anything to amuse me. We're seriously considering flying to the main city to give birth because let's face it, I'm a wimp when it comes to labor and I need to have access to an epidural and they dont offer epis at the local hospital. It'll take significant planning, however, to fly to another island to give birth, in large part because I wouldn't know when to go, how long to make acommodation arrangements, how long to have a car rental, etc. Another issue is what to do with Kaua when we do go to the hospital. Here, we have family members who he's extremely comfortable with, but there, none. Both my grandma and mom have volunteered to fly up with us though, so that is a possibility, if we can work out the acommodations part.So if we can pull it off, we're going to try.

Housing situation is getting better. DH installed the wood laminate floors and it's looking wonderful. Still tons more work to do and it is pretty exhausting, especially with a toddler, but it's working out.

Oh and kaua can take several steps on his own, but STILL NO WALKING! Ugh! This boy is really taking after his mama, and may end up walking at 15 months like I did. He turned 14 months old yesterday...so we've got 1 month to get him to beat my record. lol.

Sleep Training Saga, part 2

We did ST night 6 tonight. It's been TOUGH! Because kaua is an "older" baby, the normal ST methods that I've been reading about with timed checks weren't working. Every time we went in to check on him, it'd make him scream even more. Also, because he can stand (almost walking, but not quite, he did take his first step today on his own, but quickly went down to his knees and wouldn't repeat it), he stands in his crib throwing huge tantrums when he's crying it out. I searched and searched the baby boards about sleep training for solutions because Kaua would easily be able to cry for 1 hour plus and stand the whole time. Finally, I discovered that with older babies, because they're older, they've got more stamina and can cry longer, scream louder and generally dont fare well with checks. Also, with the standing, no matter how much you go in and try to lie them back down, they'll just pop back up. I finally read several posts from other moms who've had to ST their toddler who've said that they basically do CIO-extinction method (no checks) with 1 15-20 minute check initially. I started this last night with Kaua and it seems to be the best method. He only gets more pissed whenever we check him (check = shush, pat or brief pick up put down). The only reason why we check him is to make sure he's not hurt, wet, and knows that while we mean business about him sleeping on his own in his crib, we're not abandoning him.

Kaua still cries when we put him in his crib, and cry isn't exactly the word, it's more of a scream/tantrum/rage. But the time it takes from the beginning of this process to him sleeping is slowly decreasing. It took 1 hour 15 mins. the first night and tonight it was about 1/2 an hour. He still also wakes up in the middle of the night (MOTN), but those wakes have been getting better. I'd say he wakes on average about 3 x a night. The hardest MOTN waking for him to fall back asleep is the one at the 5:00 am hour. He seems to not want to go back to sleep and is very willing to throw a tantrum until daylight appears, so I'm not quite sure what's the best way to handle this. I've resorted to letting him sleep with us for that last 1-2 hours just to get some sleep for all of us.

I'm greatly looking forward to those days when he'll go down in his crib awake and not need to throw himself a tantrum before sleeping. It is difficult to knowingly allow your kid to scream and cry in that manner for that long, but I know it will be worth it. I know that in order for this to work, however, we need to stick with the training. We've got a bed time routine down and as soon as Kaua figures out that this is the way it's going to be, I'm sure it'll get easier (I hope....).

As for the pregnancy, thanks so much for the congratulations and well wishes everyone. It seems to be going well, but I have no idea what's going on in there. I'm going by faith that all is well until my next appointment next week.

The secret's out and cry it out!

First off, I've been composing several posts but not "posting" them until I was ready to share the news. But now that the word's out (we wanted to share it with friends and family via the every popular "i'm going to be a big brother" t-shirt method which we did over the weekend), I'm going to publicly post those posts.

But yes, Kaua is going to be a big brother! I'm 10 weeks pregnant and due Aug. 5, just one day before my 32 birthday. (I'm hoping this kid doesn't come on my birthday because that'll mean I'll never have a birthday celebration again). While this pregnancy is a blessing it sure is different than my last. With a little one to take care of already, there is definitely a lot less time spent thinking about this pregnancy. Not that my love for this second child will be any less, it's just different now that it's my second. I haven't taken any belly photos, and while I am not quite flat stomached (not sure if I ever was since kaua), I'm not really showing much. I just look pudgy. I dont really feel much nausea, unless I haven't eaten breakfast in the morning (which is almost never, b/c I always eat breakfast). I did feel fatigued more than before these past few weeks, but thankfully, I've gotten my energy back. I also feel what I believe is sciatic nerve pain in my lower left back, almost near my tailbone. I'm not sure if that is sciatic pain, but I think it is. I go back to the docs to confirm all is well with this pregnancy in a couple weeks, so till then, I'm just going on faith that all is well. My first appointment to confirm the pregnancy went well, so the doc had no reason for me to come in for extra appointments.

And on to my next topic of the post. Since there is going to be a number 2 (yup, I've been referring to this child as the ever 'original' "number 2), we've decided that we really need Kaua to sleep on his own in his own crib and in his own room. We are on night number two of sleep training and we're doing a cry it out method with checks. Man-oh-man is it tough! This boy has a scream and he is strong willed. Tonight he didn't go down for about 1 hour of crying, checking, getting him to sleep for a few seconds, then repeating the cycle. Kaua like to stand in his crib to get his point across, so everytime I went back in after letting him cry for a few minutes he was standing. He cried so hard that he pretty much exhausted himself. The last time I went in to lie him back down, he protested halfheartedly and didn't attempt to rise up. He finally fell asleep around 9pm and we started this at about 7:45pm. He also woke up about 3-4 times last night and DH was the champion because he did most of the MOTN waking sessions. He also got up early with kaua to let me sleep since he knows how tired I've been. I'm hoping that tonight will be better, but who knows. DH goes back to work Friday so that'll be my first night alone with the new sleep training pattern. Yikes! But we've resolved to get this habit settled so that we dont have two kids sleeping with us. (our goal is to also not have number 2 sleep with us and we're hoping that since we have our own house, we'll be able to better manage their sleep schedule). I'm definitely not looking forward to the week ahead, but I remember when we weaned him from BFing at night it was a horrible 1 week, then everything went well since. I'm hoping the same happens with this sleep training. I know in the long run, we'll all be much happier.

not the only one...

So i've been reading some posts and my comment (thanks Ella) and am happy to report that I'm not the only one who cosleeps (not by choice). Murgdan has an intriguing, informative and entertaining post about her co-sleeping endevours here.Yay, I'm not the only one. Apparently, cosleeping, and usually not by choice, is normal. whew!

Wanted to send my condolences to Jenniper who lost her twin daughter recently. I'm sure many of you follow Jenniper and if you dont, omg, you totally have to, she is HIL-A-RIOUS! But not right now. Right now she and her family are mourning the lost of their daughter and the birth of their other daughter. It was totally unexpected.

And onto my own post. Nothing new to report in the Kaua front. he's still the same. Patience is my word for the year. (Not sure if you remember, but a while back, I reported that each NYE, I pick a word that represents what I want to embody in the new year. The year kaua was conceived and born, my word was create.) I chose patience b/c as a mommy, you sure need a lot of it. while a child is the most blessed gift, he (or she) is also such a challenge. Words cannot describe. Its like your wants and desires will be second to someone elses, always. Your "me" time is very limited, you are always planning your day, your life, around someone else. Examples? feeling tired and want to sleep in? Too bad, you're getting up at 6:30am whether you want to or not. He'll eat what he wants when he wants, and if he doesn't want it, he'll spit it out, on the floor. Cant type on the laptop while he's around, he'll come by and try to "type" as well. Want to step out of the room? well, you better either bring him with you or prepare for tears. I'm getting good at carrying a 23 pounder in one arm and everything else in another. Like getting your hair pulled, your tummy hit, or bitten? Well get used to it, they do this for attention and think its funny. It's amazing how many people do this parenting thing in the world. Every parent should have an award, seriously. I'veke heard it gets harder. Yikes!

On the "blah, blah, blah" front, going off island for a trip this weekend and looking forward to it. Got new carpeting in our home (just the bedrooms) two days ago, our wood laminate flooring also just arrived and DH will be slaving away at installing it in the living room, dining room and hallway next week sometime. Totally stoked about the flooring, although operation new home is still a work in progress. Let me just say that we STILL dont have a couch and I am writing to you while sitting on our 1 beach chair.