discontentment?

or the travel bug?

Dont get me wrong, I love being a mommy and the trade offs are WELL worth it. But I have a feeling of discontentment, or actually the case of the travel bug. Each year that the hubsters and I have been together, we've taken a big trip somewhere to the mainland or out of the country. This year, 2010, will be the first year in our almost 6 years together (almost 3 of them married) that we dont take a trip (assuming we dont travel sometime towards the end of the year, which is likely b/c we haven't planned one).

I really want to travel and we've had a few temptations to take one this year, but each time we really get down to planning the trip, we realize that traveling with an infant will be tough, difficult, and down right, potentially, not worth it. For instance, here in Hawaii, a trip to las vegas is almost an annualthing, especially for the older generation b/c prices and packages from here to vegas are soooo low. In fact, Vegas has been commonly referred to as the "9th island" here in Hawaii. DH and I though about going there instead of having a huge birthday party for Kaua, but then I realized, that with Kaua, we wouldn't be able to do much of the activites that attracts us to Vegas; like go in a casino, drink (very much), or watch shows.

We thought about going somewhere to watch a professional foot ball game (another one of our many wishlist items of things to do in our life which has yet to be crossed off), but then we realized, we couldn't really focus on and enjoy the game with an infant. Plus Kaua probably would freak out with all that noise and people around. Other fans would think we're crazy for bringing an infant to a game.

We could opt for a babysitter duriing one of these trips (I wouldn't dream of leaving Kaua alone here in Hawaii by himself), but truthfully, I'd feel awful leaving him with someone he wasn't comfortable with. My mom has offered her baby sitting services if we paid for her airfare, and while this seems like an expensive alternative, it may be the only alternative. But who wants to go on their first family trip with their mom in tow? Some thoughts on that are, maybe she could come for part of the trip? Offering her babysitting services so we can do the adult things we'd like, and then leaving us alone for the chance at some alone family time. As I type my thoughts out, this seems like the smart way to go....Another idea is simply take a very kid friendly trip...but where to go? What to do?

The point of this post is, while I yearned and yearned and yearned to be a mom, I now realize why people who are parents warn others to take their trips and spend time alone as a married couple, because once a child comes around, things are very different. Parenthood is really a sacrifice of self and as someone who has been living with numero uno in mind first (and my DH first as well), its been quite a sobering adjustment to now put myself second. But as I said in the beginning....this little guy is worth it!

Where would you go for a infant/young family vacation?

end of an era?

I dont know if its because AF showed, or if it was because it is time, or if its all in my head, but my milk supply seems to be decreasing dramatically. My bbs feel less full (read that as empty) and I dont feel the let down happening very often, Kaua pulls off and on frequently (which actually isn't anything new) and I dont see much milk in his mouth when he pulls off, and I wonder if he's getting enough milk. I've done some brief research (namely on kellymom.com) and it appears that the concensus is that I'm still making milk and my bbs have just learned how to make just enough, hence the lack of full feeling, and that my body will make milk as long as milk continues to be drained out of my bbs, but still, I am just not certain that he's getting enough milk from me only. He's really thin and this could be because he's super active and generally food, or because he's not getting enough of his nutrients from his main food supply (breastmilk).

Over the last day or so, I've been following up with some of his "questionable" nursing times with 2oz. of milk and he generally will drink maybe about 1 more oz of milk. IBecause of this it's just so easy for me to simply stop nursing and offer him the bottle instead. I feel reluctant to do this for several reasons, one of them simply because I know how expensive formula feeding only can be. However, I have been long "over" nursing and cannot wait to have him be independent of me for milk. Kaua will be 9 months old tomorrow, and nursing him for 9 months is awesome in my book. I'd love to finally have my body fully returned to me, no longer having to watch how much I drink or have my bbs pulled, pinched, bitten, grabbed, etc. However, breast feeding was easy, and takes less planning in terms of travel (unless I need to have the pump handy) and obviously less expensive.

Just now, instead of offering Kaua to nurse from me, I've just given him a bottle. He didn't drink very much of it, which means I could simply nurse him instead, if I wanted to keep the nursing up. Or I could just stick with giving him the bottle, and nurse him only during nap times and at night (which I never knew was possible, but it is...partial nursing). I'm at the edge of a cliff, I'm at a fork in the road, uncertain which path to travel.....wean him or keep nursing?

Guess who just showed up....

AF!

And I'm still BFing! Kaua is almost 9 months old (in about 1 more week). She has just showed, not a full on flow, only spotting. I've been feeling crampy off and on for about a month now and have been wondering if she was going to show....guess she's hereeeeeeee! I'm not sure how I feel about this....mostly excited at the prospect of potentially being fertile again, somewhat nostolgic at the loss of being period free, somewhat nervous at thoughts of going through a MC (though mostly I'm pushing that out of my head and thinking positive), and thoughts of...am I ready to be pregnant again???? Yikes! I dunno. It might be too early to have another kid...we dont even have our own place yet....I haven't even nailed down a job yet....

Well i admit, I am getting a little ahead of myself. I have a feeling pregnancy wont come until we start TTC again, which i dont think we'll be doing until we're more settled, but I must be honest and admit that I wouldn't be upset if I had a surprise BFP.....

4 toots!

On Friday, August 19, 2010, I discovered that Kaua has another tooth growing in! His first top tooth on the right side (left if you're looking at him) is growing in! Now he has 3 teeth on the bottom and 1 tooth poking through on the top.

He also has been able to pull himself to standing, especially in his crib! He accomplished this feet about a week ago. He cannot stand well by himself yet, but he gets brave and thinks he's a big boy and tries to move quickly while standing. He has absolutely no concept of falling yet. He'll crawl and go for broke on the edges of sofas, beds, anything high. He has always had a watchful eye on him, so he doesn't realize that he could fall and get hurt.

He still is very finicky with foods and usually prefers people foods over baby foods. But even then, he seems to only like crackers, rice and noodles, and this is on the lucky occasion (usually just once a day) when he is receptive to food. I still offer it to him 3 times a day, and usually more, but he usually refuses food. I swear, that boy is going to live on air. He is super active and loves to be on the move and exploring so he's a thin baby, but I'm thinking still on the taller side. Our next pediatrician appointment is in a week or so, so we'll find out his height and weight measurements then.

Over the weekend we went to a Vegas themed baby shower party which had a jumping castle and kaua went inside with his Grandma. This was his first bouncer experience and he really enjoyed it. I'm thinking we need to get one for his first birthday party. I heard that buying one is cheaper than renting one because if we use it three or more times, we'll have spent the cost of purchasing one in the rental fees.

Last Thursday, kaua also went to his first preschool for two hours. This is a traveling preschool that is designed to encourage literacy and promotes Hawaiian cultural values. He was one of the youngest kids there, the preschool being primarily geared for toddlers, but I think it was a good experience. There are several play stations for the kids with painting, building blocks, coloring, reading, an infant corner and all kinds of fun things. We do circle time where the kids sing and the teachers read a book. There are snacks, and once a month the preschool goes on a field trip. This month (next week) we're going to the aquarium. This will be Kaua's first trip to the aquarium, so I'm excited to see how he'll react. The best thing is, this is all free! (funded by a federal grant). I'm hoping to take Kaua for as long as I'm free or hopefully daddy will get in on it and go whenever I cant.

I've also possibly landed a job which may work with my desire to be a part time stay at home mom and it hopefully will also pay me well and is in my desired profession. I meet with my potential employer at the end of the week to hash out details, so I'll find out more then. This excites DH and I because if I get this job, we may be able to afford to buy our next new home!! We're also hoping to have travel plans towards the latter part of this year or early next year, but are tentative on this b/c we still want to have a big 1st birthday party for Kaua and want to buy a home. It seems as if things are falling together.....all thanks to the Lord!

The Way He Looks At Me

I wrote this post on august 10 but am only getting a chance to post it now:

I just had to record these moments. Last night as I was playing with Kaua, I realized (and actually reveled in) the fact that Kaua loves and adores me so much. His face just lights up everytime I see him after being away from him. Usually, he whines for me if I dont come to him after he has seen me or heard me, but when I go straight to him and tell him hello and give him some love and attention, he just glows. He gives me the hugest goofiest smiles, laughs contagiously and is genuinely super excited to see me. (Think of how a puppy gets when he sees his master). And when I continue to shower him with love, attention and affection, that boy shines. He'll keep on playing, but every now and then, he'll look up at me to make sure he has my attention and smiles everytime I look at him, no matter what. He loves when we play together, you can just tell he basks in my affection. It's truly an amazing feeling, to be this little man's whole world. It makes you feel good inside, feel protective, feel like you just want to do everything to continue being this little man's whole world. So as we played together last night, I really paid attention to him and just enjoyed being in his company without the distraction of conversations with other people or watching the television or thinking of other things like house work. I thought, I could not imagine having another child, because how could I divide my attention and love between two? Obviously, since I have never been in such a situation, I cannot conceive of the idea, just as before I had Kaua, I had no idea what being a parent to him would be like. But I'm sure I'll find space in my heart for two children. (No, I'm not pregnant, haven't even seen AF yet and I'm guessing I wont until I stop BFing). It's amazing to be "a mommy" and I am reminded again at how blessed I am and am ever so grateful to have this opportunity.

Kaua is 8.5 months old now. He has three teeth which are all on the bottom and still just growing in. He crawls fairly well, but still not quite on his knees, more of an army crawl. He loves to be pulled to a standing position but cannot pull himself to standing position yet. He can get from sitting to crawling, but hasn't mastered getting from crawling position back to sitting. I've seen him get in the position on his own a couple times, but not how he's done it (like he'll be sitting up in his crib when I get him). He prefers people food over baby food (I'm guessing its the texture of baby food he doesn't care for), so he eats a lot of cereal (cheerios), rice, long rice, noodles, crackers and bread with baby food mixed in. I need to get him that mesh bag so we can put fruits and veggies in it. He can feed himself crackers and cereal but has not developed his pincer grasp, so watching him actually get the food into his mouth, which is hit or miss, is quite hilarious. I keep reminding myself to record this so as not to forget it. He says mama and dada but you can tell he doesn't know that it refers to us, and he defintely does not say it on command. I just tried to start teaching him to wave hi and bye last night and he didn't get it, but you can tell that he's a little more interested in doing what I'm doing, so I'm sure he'll get the hang of it in a month or two. He had another cold recently so his nose is running and as most kids do, he hates when I wipe his nose. He still nurses to sleep and gets up to nurse 2 or 3 times a night. He still sleeps with us in bed, although he does start out in his crib, but then I bring him to our bed when he gets up for the first feeding, because I'm too lazy to sit up and nurse or bring him back to his crib when he's done (usually because I fall asleep when he nurses too). He's still an early riser (between 6am and 7am), but on the occasionaly day, he'll sleep till after 7am. Kaua loves girls and will tend to like certain girls over others, not sure why (but usually he'll love the girls who are good with kids). Kaua laughs and plays often and still loves to bang on things with toys, crinkle paper and generally do anything that makes noise. He still doesn't appear to have any interest in t.v. when I put on pbs kids shows for him. He has certain areas where he knows are off limits in the house (like under a side table where there are electrical cords/outlets) and he always tries to crawl there first! (Baby proofing!!) He is clearly bigger for his age, more so in height than weight. His next pediatrician appointment is at the end of this month. We start a traveling preschool next week (2x a week, two hours each time) and I'm excited to see what's in store for him there.