life or something like it.

words of wisdom(or nagging i suppose) from my mom and tons of reflection over the past few days brought me to view life in a different perspective.everything that has happened these few days brought me to revelation of how fortunate i actually am and how i should appreciate a lot of things in life.
-be humble.be very very modest.
-always be true to urself
-kinship(is there such a word?) is extremely important
-always appreciate a family member's concern for u.its the little gestures that matter.

most imptly,when u face difficulties,do not falter or give up.its just one small problem that is not comparable to losing a family member or not having a roof over ur head.i suppose most of you who read my blog do not have to go through all that.if u dont,U ARE EXTREMELY FORTUNATE.
i am guilty of neglecting that fact too so u're not alone.


some blog entries also triggered some thoughts of mine,whether in approval or not.i'd be a millionaire if i got a penny for each of them.some entries got nods from me or blasted me to the past.others got me to realise how much i've been so absorbed in my own frustrations to even know how some friends are doing.if they're having a time of their lives this period of time,tt's simply worth celebrating and sharing. but if they've been tangled up in distress,not having an avenue to channel all that cooped up emotions,i ought to be spanked for not noticing that and be a good friend.it doesnt matter whether who that person rants to.but when its me they turn to,i take it that i've been a friend to that person.


i have lots and lots to say.just kinda hard for me to put them into words.and sometimes,putting up all ur thoughts and emotions out there for all to see....i dont know,a judgement can be made due to misinterpretion and people start pointing fingers.blog entries can bring unnecessary controversy too.

dont put too much thought into watever i've said (dont waste ur time like me thinking about unnecessary things all the time).i get affected pretty easily and like nina said, sometimes its just random thoughts that come into ur head.like her,i analyse and philosophize a lot.that helps me put things into perpective(joanne style) and to reason life.since i do lotsa thinking,i believe i should have damn a lot to say.added to the fact that i treat my blog as a virtual diary cos im too lazy to write everyday in a nice notebook with a pink velvet cover that has flower details on every single one of the pink-coloured pages.

in this blog,i also tell myself what i want this aimless 17 yr-old to do.or what i wished i could do.typing out the regrets i have for wrong decisions and stupid mistakes.this is going to be a good yr ahead.i've come up with a few guidelines as to how im gonna make 2005 as regret-free as possible.my kind of new year resolution i guess.hope i stick to it.

yesterday afternoon,i endured the unbearable heat all the way from JB to dhoby ghaut.met Liz at PS and we headed for simlim by foot.we had lots to complain about the heat but the short walk was nice cos we got to catch up a bit on whats been happening.the last time i met up with her was before the term 4 exams.
after the two of us IT illiterates surveyed the prices and new models in store,we went to rocher rd(i think) for tau huey.sad to say,for one who has studied in spore for more than ten yrs,i dont really know my way around spore well.and so,i felt rather pleased to have been introduced to an unfamilliar area thats not ang mo kio(where st nix is situated) or town.while we were savouring every bit of the smooth tau huey,the thaipusam procession was going on the main road(i forgot the name).for someone who has only seen pics or heard about it from social studies lessons,it was qt a sight.
this indian guy a few tables from us stood by the road and chanted/cheered with great enthusiasm whenever one of those guys with the thing(i totally forgot what its called.the big ornament they pierce into the flesh.with chains and everything) paraded past.the incessant chanting and cheering from the road was so filled with energy.i was truely impressed by the respect they had for the religion and this practice.on the grass patch nearby,families settled on a good spot and watched on.
in a cosmopolitan spore,its good to see people still proud of their roots and actually take part in it.out of the blue,i felt a certain pride in being a chinese and knowing how to play the dizi.


today was alright.went IDP with dad and then had a nice home cooked dinner with him.he's the only dad i know that can cook SO well.(:(:(:then he fetched me to the pool for a swim.then came home to watch a bit of TRL and amazing race,then half of american idol on starworld.


but the past few days i've been easily irritated and impatient.that might have been why i havent been in the most chattable of moods whether on the phone or on MSN.the negative vibe thats been around.sorry u guys.

adel:i appreciate u hearing me out yesterday.sorry havent been very "chattable".

yt: the one that calls every other day and i call most often(fellow msian!).your calls always brings a smile to my face.

nina:thanks for the concern dear.(:im ok.

sigh.
its been so long
i hope u're safe.

had only 4+ hrs of sleep and here i am.waiting for my bro and his gf to get ready for us to set off for kl.and yet another 5 hrs on the car.all thanks to my parents' spontaneity.
parents:"long weekend break.lets go kl again!".
me(aside):"super enthu...."

shit.im damn worried.at only 17+ going on 18,im already suffering from slight insomnia at times.what will happen when i get older?when i hit menopause?the thought's unbearable.might have to swallow sleeping pills just to get a good night's rest.
and i think too much into things.way too much.and once i get it going,the thoughts and uncertainties just keep coming like a torrent of waves come crashing in.no relevance or connection with the recent disaster.my apologies.

and so,came back at 12 plus and showered.got ready for bed.BUT THEN,i started thinking.and sure enough the train of thoughts just came rushing through.
but had an enjoyable night though.i was helping out at my aunt's place.an al fresco eatery by the sea offering authentic(and absolutely yummy) malaysian cuisine.on stulang laut.do drop by if any of u happen to be around.anything from mee rebus to roti bakar,air bandung to teh tarik.u can find them all here.
enough promoting.back to the topic.came over to keep my cousin company initially,then decided "why not help out a bit?" and so i worked the cash register and totalled all the orders over the counter.FIRST,i gave the wrong change(a dollar extra).THEN,i found out that i'd wrongly deciphered the abbreviation and wrote down a wrong price and they collected a wrong amt of money from the customer(...great).
and so decided to do something else,leave the important job to the more experienced.went to make roti bakar.had a fun time doing it in fact.the orders just came one after another.had no time to rest my feet(or hands) at all.
cos it was HARI RAYA HAJI,the cook prepared lontong,rendang,some chicken with satay sauce and my aunt bought AYAMAS's ayam percik.food haven.

i love y'all !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and i also wanna respond to other people's blog entries.tagging's just a bit ma fan cos my tags tends to disappear and not get posted.

teo:hows the wu-search coming along?dont know abt u but im not gonna get my hopes up too high.AND make sure u take care of tt ecxema of urs.i wanna see flawless skin the next time i come back.AND remember to watch disney's the kid.

sally:can i join the alumni??wont be there physically for prac thou.i have to admit.i do miss CO pracs a teeny bit.(:and yang laoshi.esp while watching kungfu hustle all the CO days came back to mind.and i was humming and tapping to dong hai yu ge throughout!

geks:went to ur blog just now and vanessa's "aloha librarian" definitely brought me back to the charity days.and of cos,the intense discussions and analysis of the prev night's matches.btw,ferrero's ranked 31st i think(*stops breathing for 2 secs)

nina:miss talking to u.in person.msn just seems so...i dont know...cant find the right word to describe it.but think u geddit.

adel:if u think 5 months is hard to wait to turn 18.try 28 days.

yenteng:im still thinking abt wat miriam said.it was qt stupid of me really.and i want roti tisu!!!!!!!!!(*salivates)

gab(u've no tag board so this is the only way):
(i'll just tag as)"punjab MC": gabriel do u remember me?u're my fave EAP classmate after shumei!i guess i nv told u this but now u know!


how do pple actually find one blog from like a gazillion blogs in the worldwideweb.tt just shows how everyones actually linked to everyone in one way or another.but the thing is tt i cant exactly trace back to their blogs.hmmmmm...

on tv,bridget jones and accents

ya i must admit.im blogging only to get u guys to watch disney's the kid on channel 5 this sunday.the last time i got so excited about a show was...well,yesterday.wanna know wat's good on tv today or anyday.come ask urs sincerely,moi,and i'll gladly be at ur service.digging up my whole list of 'must watch(s)' for this week.a heart warming film.one of my favourites of all time.i used to keep asking my classmates to watch it in sec4.too bad noone actually caught it cos its on (then)SCV and not everyone had access to tt.those who had SCV couldnt be bothered to watch it.(*rolls eyes)


watched bridget jones today.renee zellweger's accent's pretty convincing.btw,im qt into accents.i like listening to all sorts and of cos,admire those who can carry off a foreign accent.qt interesting i think.i know samantha can do qt an impressive southern accent.skippin 'g's and lengthening vowels.i can nv pull that off."hey y'all" is the nearest i can get to a imitating some southern country gal.
esp enjoyed the scene where marc darcy(colin firth) and daniel cleaver(hugh grant) got into a fight and they were playing "i believe in a thing called love".vision two well-educated,charismatic,english gentlemen behaving like two kindergarten schboys tugging at each others shirts(tailored suits in their case).
the movie also got me into a lovey dovey mood.colin firth's character was soooooo nice to bridget jones.almost too good to be true.at times i thought he'd just snap when she performed one of her many her ridiculously embarrassing antics.but he didnt.not at all.on the other hand,he treated her just the same.if not nicer.without any signs of anger.

i appear to not be concerned about my future.not because i just plainly outright do not give a shit.its because i dont wish to face them and tell them in the face that i cant make it into a more conventional course.one that can secure me big bucks in the future.all of a sudden,the past seems to have come back to haunt me.i have once again chosen to avoid unpleasant situations at all costs.even if it brings to me to yet another position that's more difficult to manage.after reading that email,i felt a huge pang of disappoinment and regret all over again.my incapacity to remain consistent.to continue to bring them the pride they used to brag about.i've been thinking about the past year a lot after it has passed.though many great memories followed,i felt that all of that came with a price.one hefty sum that i will not be able to repay.and i know if the more i go to them with utter disappointment in myself,the more sympathetic they'll be.with that,more guilt will be piled on me.this will not be my greatest downfall,but it definitely tops my list of most regrettables so far.




Hello, good morning, how you do?
What makes your rising sun so new?
I could use a fresh beginning too
All of my regrets are nothing new

learning to breathe--switchfoot

now...songs that remind me of u guys...

"girls just wanna have fun"--cindy lauper:adel
"hands down": yt&gab (head banging.gd stuff.)
"push up"--flynn: nina,gab,sarah
"cant stop loving u"--elvis & "miss u"--blink 182: leeren(who can forget this?and must be a carefully mixed montage of those 2 songs)
"i like it": somebody's ringtone (jenn?adel?)
"in the shadows"--rasmus: ann
"the prayer"--anthony callea: sarah(who else)
"just lose it"--eminem: yt
"stranger by the day"--shades apart: dwin
"california"--phantom planet:all the o.c fans!!!!!!!
"billy jean"--MJ,"like i love u"--JT,"love is all around"--wetwetwet(cant remember the other song): drama mates




everyone has a song.loads of memories thats carried with them.
these are a few i've got in my head.more to come if i hear them.somebody's name would strike up for sure.

cool tunes i just downloaded

from the oc soundtrack: "it's too late"--Evermore, "if u leave"--nada surf
brit(i think) band: "obviously"--McFly
alternatives: "time is running out"--Muse
classic rock: "sweet child of mine"--guns n roses
local vocal: "crumbs--disagree
mainstream-to-be(i predict): "sidewalks"--story of the year
from down under: "somewhere down the barrel"--the dissociatives, "so beautiful"--
pete murray


lastly some old tunes i havent heard in a while:
"dont look back in anger"--oasis
"bittersweet symphony"--cruel intentions soundtrack
"mad season","push"--matchbox twenty
"learn to fly"--foo fighters


all-time favourites,those that bring back memories from 2004:
the whole songs about jane album--maroon 5
special mention "sunday morning","sweetest goodbye","she will be loved"

the beautiful letdown album--switchfoot
esp "dare you to move"

"hands down"--dashboard confessionals
"i believe in a thing called love"--the darkness



haha.i love ares.hope i dont get caught for illegal dl-ing.

for adel(its just a drama serial) and nina(when have u become so negative)

i believe in a thing called love--the darkness

cant explain all the feelings that you're making me feel
my heart's in over drive and you're behind the steering wheel
touching you, touching me, touching you cause you're touching me
i believe in a thing called love, just listen to the rythm of my heart
theres a chance we can make it now
we'll be lookin till the sun goes down
i believe in a thing called love
ooooooh (huh!)

i wanna kiss you every minute every hour everyday
you got me in a spin but everything is a ok

touching you, touching me
touching you cause you're touching me
i believe in a thing called love, just listen to the rythm of my heart
theres a chance we can make it now
we'll be lookin till the sun goes down
i believe in a thing called love



wanted to tag on adel's blog but it kept disappearing.so here's my tag.a very very long tag.for u both.

the last few days have been spent at home.things done:
1) sleep (loads of it)
2) read
3) watching tv
4) spending time with family (trying real hard!but the other activities are distracting me.yes,wat lousy reasons for not doing wat i should be doing)

sigh.only so little time left.should really be spending with those i'll never see in a long time after i get back to melb.

has anyone heard of the msian band,disagree?name of band is disagree.their song "crumbs" is nice.rockish and the vocalist sounds a lot like tt guy from creed.the style is also very creed.kinda mellow rock to me.

friday afternoon

things to do this new year:
1) study harder.i need fantastic results this year man.
2) make better use of my cam.capture artistic shots.teo and sheralyn are my new found muses.hahh.
3) eat healthier.cutting down all the junk intake.
4) eat in more often.save more money.
5)read more.pass me any old books of urs after u've read them pls.

i was watching mtv and the quote of the day is :"life is like the sewer.u get what u put into it" or something like it.think u get the gist of it.

denise is still as siao as before.and she has straight black hair now.

watched as told by ginger on nickelodeon.my favourite cartoon/kids channel.check out even stevens too.

the jon guy in the amazing race looks a bit like roddick.when he has the visor on.but he has a hotter bod than roddick.so many people look like him.there's a guy on survivor who bears an uncanny resemblance too.

ohhh.am i a tv fanatic or what?

just started reading the da vinci code.very national treasure-ish.

sashaying in my blue pinafore...

seeing all the convent gals strutting around town in their pinafores made me a lil nostalgic.though i dont approve of the hemline of the skirts raising on some non st nicks(other convent) gals.seeing some of the ex st nicks gals was kinda nice.one of them is charlene(saw her at lido today).thou we didnt used to talk in school.mebbe its a st nicks thing.we kinda do acknowledge each other now.the close bond of st nicks gals i guess.like in melb i met liz and dawns(2 of them).really nice people i must say.apologies to dawn for not attending her bday party though.sorry!
a sudden urge to put on my pinafore again...

that song brings back memories.
it reminds me of the sec 1 and 2 days.6 plus in the morning,i'd be leaning my head on my arms rested on the seat in front of mine on the school bus.this song would play on 98.7 fm on my trusty lil receiver that keeps me entertained on the long ride to school.the catchy tune always lifted up my spirits.prepared me for yet another long,tiring day at school.

the kl trip was fantastic.i'll definitely be back in kl very soon.wanna shout out to the chows(kai ma,yt,lamlam,rosey and mimi).thanks for the very pleasant stay.feels like home.oh and did i mention that the whole of kl would soon know me only as jotame?(*stares hard at CYT)

watched heck lot of movies the past 2 weeks.caught kungfu hustle,meet the fockers and phanton of the opera with my future roomie in kl.

managed to understand the intelligent fast paced action in both ocean's 12 and national treasure(i recommend this,thou someone says it sucks.)besides watching those 2 movies,me and teo also did some catching up at mos.like she said,it felt like we were never apart at all.mos was the place where we last chatted before i left for melb last march.so its kinda like a special thing to do for us.just chat over a cup of ice lemon tea or sth.at mos tt is.

im so gonna miss her all over again once i get back to melb.thou we dont hang out at each other's hse(she's not an "invite-u-to-my-hse" person and my place is all the way in jb.think u geddit.) or meet up everyday.there's a just a kind of mutual understanding and common interest(i should think its our undying love of watching tv?) that bonds us.technically,it took me 2 yrs to realise that.muaha.cos i've known her for 5 yrs but we've only become closer during the last 3.i only wish for more of those yrs to come.:)

dancing in the moonlight-toploader

We get it on most every night
when that moon is big and bright
its a supernatural delight
everybodys dancing in the moonlight

we get
everybody here is out of sight
they dont bark and they dont bite
they keep things loose they keep it tight
everybodys dancing in the moonlight

dancing in the moonlight
everybodys feeling warm and bright
its such a fine and natural sight
everybodys dancing in the moonlight

we like our fun and we never fight
you cant dance and stay uptight
its a supernatural delight
everybody was dancing in the moonlight

learning to fly

as my wings start to take shape,
i'll be able to spread it and fly away.
into an endless horizon
in the meantime,
i'll just have to take it slow.
to discover the shortcomings.
let time and experience toughen my weak willpower.
i find solace in melody.
a tune i find so familiar,
one that sooths my soul.
as i venture into a trouble-free state of mind.