music to my ears

my third entry of the day.
decided to stay home the whole day.
not really in the mood to go anywhere.
so here i am listening to the tragic kingdom album in my shithole now.
no doubt used to be sooo good.
until they became more mainstream and commercial.
i love this album.
its one of my favourite albums ever.
have been wanting to geddit long ago.
grew up listening to it.
my bro had the cassette.
then i saw in on sale at HMV for 12.99 so decided to buy.
thot i got a bargain for such a good classic album.
have yet to find another person of the same music taste as me.
everyone here's like into RnB and stuff.
its good but not really my thing.
gets boring after listening to it for a while.
my bro was into like rock and all
he listened to no doubt,rhcp,led zepplin,guns n roses etc.
my dad likes the eagles,beatles,the beegees.



exams are coming up in two weeks' time.
i better get to some work.
starting tmr.
today shall be a slacking day for meeee.

im not home.

What's wrong, what's wrong now?
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

Open your eyes and look outside, find the reasons why.
You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind.
Be strong, be strong now.
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

Her feelings she hides.
Her dreams she can't find.
She's losing her mind.
She's fallen behind.
She can't find her place.
She's losing her faith.
She's fallen from grace.
She's all over the place.
Yeah,oh

avril lavigne "nobody's home"

tell me of its real

yT* mysecretaffair. says:
the more you try to search for something like that, the more it'll run away from you. just leave it to fate. see who fate brings u.
Jooooo vanilla bean creme brulee says:
sigh
Jooooo vanilla bean creme brulee says:
i just put it up on my blog
Jooooo vanilla bean creme brulee says:
u dont mind rite
yT* mysecretaffair. says:
haha. its what wyn said.
yT* mysecretaffair. says:
not me.
yT* mysecretaffair. says:
and i think its pretty true lah
Jooooo vanilla bean creme brulee says:
ya
Jooooo vanilla bean creme brulee says:
think so too
Jooooo vanilla bean creme brulee says:
but then
Jooooo vanilla bean creme brulee says:
i dont know if its just me
Jooooo vanilla bean creme brulee says:
or is the one up above testing my patience
yT* mysecretaffair. says:
i guess its both



and then,minutes later.



Jooooo vanilla bean creme brulee says:
yt
Jooooo vanilla bean creme brulee says:
life's like tt
Jooooo vanilla bean creme brulee says:
u cant choose wat u want to be
Jooooo vanilla bean creme brulee says:
its human to selfish
Jooooo vanilla bean creme brulee says:
and its not to be blamed
yT* mysecretaffair. says:
fuck it lah
yT* mysecretaffair. says:
lifes such a bitch
Jooooo vanilla bean creme brulee says:
tell me abt it
Jooooo vanilla bean creme brulee says:
u say all the things i wann voice out
Jooooo vanilla bean creme brulee says:
i put on my blog ok?
yT* mysecretaffair. says:
MUAHAHA
yT* mysecretaffair. says:
im typing it on my blog redi man

before anything else...i'd like to wish my two darls,ANN & JENN a very happy belated birthday.hope the two of u had a gd time last night at the after party.these 2 gals have brought much joy to my life in melb and definitely has made the past few mths ultimately fun and enjoyable.



ANN: u've been the caretaker all the while.the strong one.the one who cooks for us all the time.thou frens are important,u do have to take care of urself too so u dont worry those who love u.pls club moderately and if eNVy gives u too much pressure,just quit alright?u dont really need the measly pay anyways.all the best in terms of studies.just a few mths more and we'll be off to melb uni(hopefully).even if we dont get into the same uni,gd luck in watever u endeavour.(=.


JENN: another massive clubber.must also take gd gd care of urself.17 this yr alrdy.make sure ur guy treats u right,if not the best.but most imptly,have faith in urself.and tt'd be the most attractive trait a gal could have.(:.studies wise,hope u get into the course of ur choice in melb uni and if i do get in too...see u in campus and we'll rock melb uni like we did trinity!!!!


yesterday was these 2 lovely gals' birthday.it was also the trinity "mesmerise" ball at the Grand Hyatt.first of all,i'd like to comment on the food served.the vanilla bean creme brulee was superb!!!a 3 course meal.appetizer,risoto with peas.main course,lamb with like mashed potatoes or sth.then,it was mass photo taking session.and thx to my "trusty" camera,i could only take 13 pics cos there wasnt enuf memory in the card.bleahh.

waste of time

i was typing out a very emotional and meaningful entry just now and it poofed disappeared.argh!i'll write it again when there's time towards the end of the yr.basically it was abt the yr ending.randy caused it all...during our walk back to swanston from FSC...he reminded me that trinity will be ending in 3 weeks.


pls dont fail on me the next time i type out a long entry.this thing sucks man.u know how long the entry was?argh!!wasted my time man.

i really really saw mandy moore...at myer.

just got back from prom dress shopping.wa...i tell u.i was so stressed just now it was scary.just ask nina.i was like speaking to her in the shandong accent.4 charity gals would know it better.yes, remember yan chunbao?he was our chinese lit teacher in sec 1 and 2.i went berserk with that.and i was gd at the accent.trust me.


saw mandy moore at myer(local departmental store).wanted to take pix of her badly.no camera.tried my phone but no memory.tried deleting 1 pic,2,3,then 4...still not enuf.decided to give up and just walked away with nina.argh!



back at home now watching survivor.my first episode of the season.yea!i know.i missed damn a lot.but that john guy does look a tad like andy roddick.but argh!im like not here not there cos i missed so many episodes.dont really know what's happening.the challenge's to catch (squealing)piglets and the prize is steak.if i had been one of the chllengers i wouldn't even put my all into the game.i dont even eat beef.hahh.how i wished i had teo here to summarise the first few episodes i missed.sigh...

hmm....apparently the wrapper said "lick me,im juicy." and not "suck me, im juicy."
k...i admit.this time, my bad.but im not hamsup!!trust yt to say tt i am when she's the one who said "split her (erm...)V****a".she's the horny one.
actually i modified it for laughs la...see,i succeeded with prove of the number of tags i got within a day!


had to write an essay on the spot during EAP today.tried to focus but was disturbed by sarah and gabe.wrote only one paragraph by the end of lesson.bahh.


after EAP,went to cafe crema with sarah while we were joined by nina and adel.did my media research essay.and here i am back at home.watching queer eye.realised i havent been at home watching tv for a long long time...there's sex and the city followed by six feet under later at 10.30....woohoo!!

suck me,im juicy.

realised im the only toot head blogging everyday.everyone else blogs like once every 3-4 days.but me, i blog every single day.



after a shopping trip to bridge rd(with adel,ann and leona) to search for prom dress and dinner at pucchini's,i retreated to my pathetic lil room and started on my media essay on clinton.both the light bulbs in my rm blew so im survivng only on the toilet light and my study lamp.my eyesight's so gonna fail on me and the degree will seriously increase.


quote of the day:"suck me,im juicy"
we found this quote on the wrapper of the streets("walls" in spore, "streets" in oz.same company.) popsicle we ate after lunch.adel read it out loud while we were at the flinders st tram stop.imagine if there'd been an advertisement and this was the slogan...



and did i mention that i broke the my left contacts last wed?damn.got my mom to go to the optemetrist's immediately to order a new one.250 bucks gone just like tt.bet its too much pressure from my fingers rubbing it while washing tt i broke it into half.


was reading sall's blog and thot of what it'd be like if i hadnt come to melb.there're so many things happening back in spore tt im uninformed of.or mebbe its just sall who's living it up in nj.see,althou we're all seventeen and we share so much of the same memories of sec sch,we have very diff experiences and exposure.wat if i had stayed in spore and in ac or vj?would i have been better off?would i have had more fun?more stress?more work?



certainly,there'd be pros and cons if i'd stayed in spore.but one thing's for sure.u cant have the best of everything.i cant choose to come here and get the exposure and experiences,while at the same time also be back home where there's familiarity.in life we make choices.no matter wat we choose to do,make the best outta it.dont dwell on the past or the mistakes made in decisions.where u lead is all up to u.U path out ur own future.


so,i shall not keep dwelling on the "wat if"s and focus on the present.back to my research essay.ciao!

watched resident evil yesterday.not a bad movie i must sya.kept me on the edge of my seat the whole time.action packed.and also very bloody.but overall,not bad.for guys,u get to see action,violence,blood and most impt of all,milla jochovich naked.plus the other hot police woman.for girls,go watch it with ur bf and u can let out ur,"im-so-scared-i-need-ur-manly-protection" instincts.hahh.too bad the two beside me were chell and another one who slept cos she was too scared.two seats away on my left,tiang was hiding behind her popcorn box.


then went to uropa for kevin mah and yonsen's combined bday party.happy 17th bday guys.this mth there are so many pple celebrating bdays its scary.im broke cos i've to get them all presents.there's yenteng,ann,tiang,gabe,kevin mah,kevin tan,kahyan,yonsen,alyn etc etc.see!


had a dream last night.dreamt that i was back at home and the moment i saw my parents,before i hugged them or cried,i puked.overwhelmed by emotions prolly.then i cried in my sleep.hahh.


quote of the night: "only selfish pple would say others are selfish"
how true.

hands down

this song is da bomb...its like repeated on my playlist over and over again(yt too!).all u toot kias who havent heard it yet..go download!!joking la.just hear it...nice."hands down" by dashboard confessionals.
its one of the songs gabe's band played at the spring concert.the lyrics are rather gd too...here is how it goes...


Breathe in for luck breathe in so deep
this air is blessed you share with me
this night is wild so calm and dull
these hearts they race from self control
your legs are smooth as they graze mine
we're doing fine we're doing nothing at all.



chorus:
My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me, so I die happy.
My heart is yours
to fill or burst or break or bury or wear as jewelery,
which ever you prefer.
The words are hushed lets not get busted,
just lay entwined here undiscovered.
Safe from the earth and all the stupid questions..
"hey did you get some?" Man, that is so dumb.
Stay quiet, stay near, stay close they can't hear, so we can get some.



chorus:
My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me, so I die happy.
My heart is yours to fill or burst
to break or bury or wear as jewelery, which ever you prefer.



Hands down this is the best day I can ever remember,
I'll always remember the sound of the stereo,
the dim of the soft lights,
the scent of your hair that you twirled in your fingers
and the time on the clock when we realized it's so late
and the walk that we shared together.
The street was wet and the gate was locked
so I jumped it and let you in
and you stood at the door with your hands on my waist and you kissed me,
but you meant it
and I knew that you meant it,
that you meant it,
that you meant it,
and I knew,
that you meant it,
that you meant it.

just let me be numb...

i dont know what to think.
i dont know what to do.
i dont know what to feel anymore.
let me have the heck care attitude back.
the critical me that cares for nothing.
i dont want to care anymore.
what have i become?
someitimes i dont even know myself anymore.
identity crisis?hahh.not to that extreme.
part of me still am the same person.
but who cares if i am or not?
i dont know what im rambling about.
just a lil confused i guess.
gotta leave for drama now.
wanted to pon la but the guys called so i've to go.
argh!!drama pisses me off big time.
waste of time man.......

guess who's back...

welcome myself back.i rediscovered the joanne goh tt was lost for a while.literally.i've found my focus back.spent a long time at baillieu library today doing work.and actually focusing.i thank nina for keeping me focused.she always reminds me of what i used to be last time.where independence ruled!and studies came before eveything else.but if it really does go my way in tt sense,who's to complain rite?(*winks.hahh.)credit goes to adel(dont say i nv thank u k.) for the constant nagging too.hahh.mebbe i do work better under pressure.the date 29th keeps appearing in my head.and the many things i have to do other than this essay before that day.gotta prepare for the ball.my gut feeling tells me its gonna suck.mebbe i can be proven wrong...



went home early after mah's bday dinner at lygon.they went to carlton gardens.dinner was great fun as all who were present would know.(*hint hint).

self-depracation

everyone has left it all behind them.voice it all out.let loose.i do.u should too.
life would've much more voids to fill.if i hadnt had friends.i may have subconsciously fell into a world of my own.showing no concern to wat others feel.now i know.just tell me and i will understand.




"these hearts they race from self control."mine does for u.does urs?

bill clinton and how he dealt with the media's coverage of him.during his 1992 campaign.do i give a damn?no.but wth...still gotta pretend im at least a lil interested and get with the 1500-word essay yea?


are u the one for me?u certainly do fit the bill.the one i've been searching for?hopefully?

focus...jotame...focus

No. 1 priority: studies.



everything else can just stay at the an unused corner of my head and be reactivated when exams are over.

geks...go watch wimbledon.u'll love it.just watched it.
teo...wanna talk to u on msn!!!



i dont want everything to be so complicated.will someone simplify it all for me??

: ) !!!!!!!!

the past two days have been phenomenal...it definitely stands on the list of days which i had fun in melb.probably somewhere behind melb show,but definitely way up there with it.
tues: chilling under the stars.bonding/mass pms session.
wed: spring concert.(adel,chell,amelia and me: "so we can get some!!!!")gabe's sweet dedication to hongyi(he serenaded the reason by hoobastank to her),dwin's entertaining performance with randy and co.and the other performers.wat happened after the concert was the best.i guess the best must be left to the last.that brightened up night.
thurs(just now): eap presentation over(phew!).went out for dinner at boba pearl with one whole gang.i had a great dinner thx everyone.laughed so much.all the pms gone.



my heart skipped a beat.butterflies in my stomach.

late night reminscing and missing loved ones + those that make life here without them much easier to get by.

jie: u might not read this but i just wanna say i really miss u,ma and pa friggin a lot.i miss ur presence.just having u ard.always thought of the days where there's always me,u and yuji.still remember u and him surprising me with a tiny weeny piece of cake at the stroke of twelve on feb 18th this yr.tell yuji tt i do miss him actually and really appreciate it when he sends me to sch and picks me up frm kovan mrt.simple gestures like coming into the room and asking me if things are alright or if i can do maths.comforting me when life gets tough or when stress gets to me.always believing in me.it took me a lot of courage to come here all by myself without pa and ma...and esp u.u have no idea how much i wish u can be here with me and assure me that everything's ok.no amt of words can express my missing u.no amt of tears shed can teleport me back to spore.noone made me cry like crazy woman at the airport but u!!!!




nel: u were always the one giving me all the best advice.talking late into the night before sleeping.i always get pissed when i have to wait damn long for u at the customs.now tt i dont have to...i actually miss it.we would go to city sq and bumm around till my dad comes.i wasnt always home even when i am,there wouldnt be much going on.just me watching tv and u in the room.but just like jie.its ur presence that i miss.just knowing that u're in the room and that when i go in u'll be there to listen me out and just talk cock with.all the gushing abt guys and all.i wasnt always there for u but i hope i've done my best.i miss ur mom's nasi lemak man!the best in j.b.hahh.miss going over to ur place to bake and just do nothing.watch astro.omg...u dunno how much u've become part of my life since 16 yrs ago.u'll forever and always be my dearest and favourite coz!




yt: although its past 12 a.m. hope its not too late to say "happy birthday" to my dear ben dan.hope u had a sweet 17th bday.had a great time with u and adel today.thanks for always brightening up my day.i'll always be here for u no matter what yea?




adel: u know me better than anyone else.love u for who u are.thx for always being there for me and bringing the best outta me.i trust tt u mean wat u promise.i dont want no parties or anything.just a day like today is enuf to help me brush those troubles(or pms) away.all the best with toilet boy!!im truly happy for u but so so jealous.hehh.



ann: havent been able to get hold of u the past few days.we're both busy with our own things.miss the sleepovers at ur place.the late nights chatting or watching movies.miss the days where we made fools outta ourselves and laughing our heads off over it(remember waiting for the tram door to open only to find that its the wrong side?).its really lil things like tt tt makes life here so fun.



chell: noone's perfect so i apologise for days when signs of pms and mood swings are apparent.u are who u are and shall be appreciated for tt.im glad u got to hear me out tt day at the arrow bistro.i still remember u being there for me and listening me out.also,u've always been my sober-so-we-can-take-care-of-drunkards partner.cheers to our partnership and more of tt cooperation stance we always pull off!!hahh.



jenn: days out with u have been relaxing and just fun.we'll have more of that when the others cant wake up in time alright?we're always the early birds that are up and awake before all others.hope we do get the dresses we want and look real good for the ball yea?!

trinity...just a short nine mths of our lives?

school has started...one week just passed me by.like *snapsnap and its over.nothing much happened the whole week tt's worth writing so havent been updating my blog.but since its fri (or rather sat morning) and i dun feel like sleeping yet.might as well blog so the people who are bored after promos can read it and hopefully be entertained by it.or watever la.



i've been talking to different people about life in melbourne and it just struck me a few days ago that im kinda sick of melb life.feel so much like going home.not 266 at arrow heights(the building where i live).home home.in jb/spore where i truly belong.i have to specify tt cos whenever i tell people i feel like going home, they ask "arrow?"



on mon,i discovered a new found weakness.i have become loneliness-intolerant(if i can actually call it tt).where has my independence gone??!noooo....



have been going to the library qt often the whole week.media essay due end of the mth la.gotta get to it.no more dragging alrdy.on thurs went to swanston thou."seeweer beeleer",very funny indeed.



as for today,have just applied to uni.uni of melb,ANU and monash.last day of application and i applied at 4.the ever so last minute joanne goh susen.or joanne su sen goh(as in says in all trinity documents).whichever it is.yes,me.
off to meet liz.my mentor,advisor,confidante and my complaint dumping ground.
then met the "schoolgals"(ann and adel) at nike melb.



how the two weeks of hols was spent:
-the days of lazing at 165 to watch the oc or moulin rouge.
-talking to adel till the sun is up. at jenn's watching i am sam,bruce almighty,some honkie movie starring my hubby daniel wu etc.
-asking B how many words she said to me in a day (now tt the hols have ended, it is qt relevant).
-at the hse of fun (aka dwin's place) playing mario party or watching mtv till 7 a.m.
-at castle where i had the dance tt could last forever.
-paintballs with the whole gang.
-chadstone with my girlies.
-melb show,one of the most fun day in melbourne.other probs aside.
those memories can only be retrieved from the pictures we took.
anyone remembers the train ride back frm oakleigh with the cute wang leehong lookalike?



prom is three weeks away.my dress is still very much non-existent.



kinda got in touch with my coz.like a bit of a long lost relative(cos i always cant find the right time to call her).sorry nel!miss her damn a lot.im gonna hug her so tight her ribs'd crack.when i see her at the airport on the 9th of dec.

is it a good sign....or bad?

the uni application info session today was rather boring.but thankfully i slept early if not i would've just dozed off and wasted my time there.at least i got a bit outta the session by just being there.even if i was only half listening.have got a rough idea of what course i would choose.
1st: commerce/law
2nd: arts/law
3rd: commerce/arts
its these 3 for now.wanna do double degree cos there'd be more job opportunities in the future.



tt's not the point i want to make.the impt thing and tt has relevance to the title of this post is tt...
i heard the song "summer rain" on adel's mp3 on the way to and from the paintball place.i was thinking of him.
the song stuck in my head for the whole day.
today i went shopping for like 4 hrs or so and i heard it like 2-3 times.played in some of the shops.


is tt a good sign?i sure hope so...

Summer Rain-Belinda Carlisle

"Oh my love, it's you that I dream of
Oh my love, since that day
Somewhere in my heart I'm always
Dancing with you in the summer rain
Doesn't matter what I do now
Doesn't matter what I say
Somewhere in my heart I'm always
Dancing with you in the summer rain"


"Every night and every day now
Though I know you've gone away
Somewhere in my heart I'm always
Dancing with you in the summer rain"