RAISING MEN

I almost titled this blog “Raising boys” and then stopped myself. The sole purpose of this ramble is to discuss raising MEN. After raising two girls, I really didn’t know anything about boys. And then my boy-girl twins came into this world. At first, it was very much the same. Nurse, change diapers, snuggle, repeat. But as time has passed I’m already recognizing that there is a glaring difference between raising women and raising a boy TO BE A MAN. 

I’m currently teaching my daughters to be independent, to work hard and make good choices, and to be reliant on themselves. This is done through ACTIONS. One of my good friends put it best when she said, ”Kids have to DO things on their own, HARD THINGS, to gain confidence in their abilities and strength to get through challenges”. The easier we make life for our kids, the less confidence they’ll have that they can overcome hardships on their own. Don’t take away those hardships for the sake of making their lives easy. The BEST people are the people who’ve overcome challenges and learned life lessons from those challenges. And let’s be honest, our job as parents is to raise good human beings, not coddle our children into oblivion. 

But I digress. Back to raising men. With boys, it’s different. My son is two years old and I’m already beginning to recognize the difference. When I think about a real man, when I think about what has always attracted me to my husband, a few characteristics stand out. Honesty, strength, emotional maturity, dependability, respectfulness, sense of humor, drive and purpose, affection, protectiveness, and the desire to provide. 

Throughout my son’s life, these will be the qualities that I hope to instill in him. But how do you instill these qualities into your child? 

It’s really quite simple. There are three key components. 

Model that behavior yourself, be vocal about what you’re doing and WHY you’re doing it, and give them challenges or at least allow them to overcome their own challenges where they can gain strength, mental fortitude, and the confidence to flourish through. 

If you want them to be honest, regardless of fear of the potential outcome, model that! Be honest with them, with your spouse, with your friends, and tell them, “Mommy just did x,y,z, because it was the RIGHT thing to do...even though I was afraid.” 

If you want your son to be respectful of his wife and those around him, demand that he respect you. I tell my kids constantly, “This is a mutual relationship here, I respect you, you respect me.” I demand that respect and I give it in return. 

I demonstrate drive and purpose to my kids daily. I tell them that mommy is working towards whatever goals and I’m not only proud of myself for putting in the work, but I’ll be so proud of myself when that hard work pays off. That goes for my job, my volunteer work, and my work around the house. You can always set an example for your kids no matter what you are doing...there is nothing too big or too small to vocalize to them.

If you want them to be a provider for the family, complement your husband in front of them. “Thank you for providing for us daddy….guys, isn’t daddy the best? He goes to work every day so that we can have a house and go on fun trips!” If you are a single mom, YOU tell them how much you work to provide for them. “I love you guys so much, everyday mommy goes to work and I think about you while I’m there. I do it to give us this house and the food we eat and I’ll be so proud to watch you grow up and do the same for your family!” 

If you want them to be dependable, show them the importance early on. When they don’t feel like going to football practice, or don’t feel like going to someone’s party even though they said yes, discuss it with them. That’s a great time to learn that when you make commitments, you STICK TO THEM because that’s the right thing to do. 

If you want them to have a good sense of humor, teach them to laugh at themselves. When their buddies make fun of them, WHICH WILL HAPPEN, teach them to laugh at themselves. Teach them fun ways to come back to develop quick wit without being mean, or crying to you. If we handle all of our kids’ battles for them, how will they ever learn to navigate the real world alone? 

And that’s what this is. As parents, our job is to teach them how to navigate the real world alone. Their boss isn’t going to care about their feelings. Their friends aren’t always going to care either. They have to be able to do it alone, and they develop that sense of self that’s required from YOU. Raising boys isn’t about coddling and babying them throughout their childhood. It’s about raising MEN who will be a source of strength, a provider, and nurturer for their family.  Allow them to earn those qualities and values throughout their lives, starting at a young age. Yes, snuggle and cuddle them as often as possible, be affectionate with them. But just as there is a time and place for that, there is equally a time and place for teaching and developing. It’s never to early to start, but it definitely COULD be too late to start.

"My Birthday is SUMMER!!"

Well Teagan is officially a year older and somehow she gets cuter and cuter by the day. 

If you can't tell from the pictures, she's a complete sass pants, totally knows what she wants, and isn't afraid to tell everyone how it is. I LOVE the relationship she and Kinsey have with each other. They have small spats here and there but they have so much love for each other and so much fun together. 

Teagan's 4th birthday JUST happened a few days ago, but it's an event she's been planning for at least 9 months. "How many days until my birthday?" is a regular question we've been getting for about the last 270 days and since her birthday is in the summer, every time anyone mentions "summer" they are automatically referring to her birthday :) #theworldrevolvesaroundher

There were a few rules that she was surprisingly strict on:

1. "I don't want to hike on my birthday!!!" Apparently even though we've been doing it since she was a baby, she hates hiking. However, she is a part of the Meher family, so unfortunately for her, she will continue to hike until she's 18 and out of the house.

Hiking in Palm Springs and although she's smiling here, she must have said, "I'm not so sure about this!" at least 4 times during this 1 miler :P

2. "No boys are allowed!" Thankfully I was able to talk her into inviting a few boys that are close to us, but I'm not going to lie, it took quite a bit of convincing. *Side note...you should have seen her guest list. Her top invites were all girls that are at least 4 years older than her (some that were 11 and 12 years old!) :P She loves older girls and really has a much harder time with anyone her age. I'm pretty sure it has to do with the fact that the older girls fawn all over her and kids her age could care less. She loves being the center of attention :)

The grandparents were in town for her big celebration and the girls couldn't have been more excited :)

Teagan was so pumped to turn 4 and this year we gave her the option. She could either go on a weekend trip with the family OR have a party with friends (since they're literally the same price...which is totally ridiculous if you ask me!). I'm not sure if it's because she always wants to choose the opposite of what Kinsey does or because she saw the potential of more presents, but she chose a party. So....party it was!

This year she's been into unicorns, princesses, Barbie, and really anything pink and sparkly. So we re-enacted her 2nd birthday and had her party at the park :) We rented a Barbie bounce house with a wet slide which she definitely requested however, unfortunately, didn't like at all. Good thing it only cost a mere $300. At least the other kids had fun!! :P

Overall it was a terrific day :) She and Kinsey both had tons of fun with their friends and it was definitely a success!

She went to her 4 year well-child check a few days later and passed with flying colors. The cutest part about this was how nervous she was without sister tagging along. We had the grandparents take Kinsey to the park and Teagan was all alone. The difference in behavior was definitely noticeable. She was more reserved, less sure of herself, and almost seemed a little embarrassed. But she was a great patient and got an A+ from the pediatrician :) 

To sum it up, Teagan is such a joy. Jordan and I are so lucky to have her as our daughter and Kinsey is lucky to have her as a sister :) We love her so much and wouldn't change a thing about her sweet, sassy, silly, fun, smart, and crazy personality :) Happy Birthday Lovebug, you're such a blessing for us and we couldn't love you more!

The Adventures of Pink Sparkles Unicorn Butterfly Alliyah

Today was a VERY big day for the Meher clan. Pink Sparkles Unicorn Butterfly Aliyah (as Teagan now prefers to be called) had her very first horseback riding lesson!! Yes, she was borderline devastated that she wouldn't be riding a Unicorn but I was able to stop the tears when I told her we'd just start on a horse and maybe one day she can graduate up to a unicorn :P 

We arrived a little early and were able to walk around and look at all of the horses in their stalls. I was really proud of both girls for being good and keeping their hands to themselves while we were in the barn around the horses. I told Teagan that she wasn't allowed to wear a pink sparkly dress during her lesson as some of the horses may be afraid of that and she was less than thrilled about it. In fact her very first question to her instructor was, "Are horses really afraid of pink sparkly dresses?" 

This would be her dress of choice (all day 'er day):

But this is what I was able to wrangle her into: 

Sister was so excited to come and watch and "decide" if she also wanted to try horseback riding. She was very supportive and proud the whole time :) And I'm happy to announce that she decided very early on that she does, in fact, also want lessons! Like mommy like both daughters apparently :) 

First things first...meeting her horse! His name was Ranger and he's 32 years old (which is about 90 in human years) so as you can imagine, any and all concern about safety went straight out the window :) I was just impressed he could still stand up! We learned that caring for the animal and grooming them is just as important (if not more important) than riding. Kinsey and Teagan both loved this part!

Tack was next and Teagan was right there to help get the saddle and bridle on :) 

And then came time to actually ride. This is when things got a little dicey :P Her instructor, Shellie, told her to put her foot in the stirrup about 7 times without her moving a muscle and I started to realize that she was getting really nervous. She looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, "No...I change my mind!" "Oh no, here we go" I thought. 

But I put her on the horse, held her hand, and told her, "You'll never know if you can be great at this unless you try. You may love it, but you'll never know unless you try! And of course it feels weird to be up there...it's your first time! But I promise, the more time you spend up there the more comfortable it will feel." 

And you know what? SHE DID IT!!! 

Talk about proud mom moment :) She faced her fears and even started having fun!!! Within seconds of walking around on Ranger she was smiling her big, cute, crazy smile and I was SOOO happy and proud of her!

She started out simply walking (and SQUEEZING my hand) while Ranger was on a lead, but after learning how to stop, go, and turn, she was riding on her own by the end of the lesson!! 

It was such a beautiful day and spending it with my girls, surrounded by horses, while watching them step outside of their comfort zone and face their fears was an incredible experience :) I can't wait for our next few lessons to see how much they learn and how far they can go with this!

Curveballs....

The last few weeks have been a blur....of emotions, of feeling sick, of denial, of shock, and might I say, a smidge of excitement ;)

Jordan and I have always seen ourselves as parents of 2...the classic family of 4. Maybe that's because we both only have one sibling, maybe it's because we weren't raised in Utah, maybe because neither one of us is Catholic or LDS. Whatever the case, we've always pictured our family as complete with Kinsey and Teagan. I'm pretty sure anything more than 2 kids looks like this to us:

#OVERWHELMING

Well, this summer I found myself surrounded by babies. I took a work trip to Austin, TX where I actually wanted to snuggle a little infant who was there with his mommy.  And I say "actually wanted" because I haven't felt that way in 3 years since Teagan was a baby! It surprised me but I tried to brush it off. When I came home, both of my neighbors who have 2 older kids had just had their 3rd baby and were loving it. And for whatever reason I couldn't get it off of my mind. I felt hit with the realization that we are just getting older and it was now or never. I had to decide if we were really completely done, or if there was even a small chance I wanted a 3rd.

I honestly felt weird even discussing it with Jordan because we had both closed the book on it. But, I decided to bring it up and found that he was actually in the same place. Should we, shouldn't we? What were the pros? What were the cons? We talked about it casually for months and then started having more serious discussions in October. I remember one night we got a babysitter and walked to the Ridge (our neighborhood restaurant) where we assigned ourselves a "side" and each played one side of the argument. I was for it, he was against it. And, as usual, I won ;) 

So the next step was getting my IUD removed. Since we were both still on the fence, I thought I'd only do it if I could do it right now. So when I called in November and they couldn't get me in until February I told the girl, "Ok, never mind." To which she replied, "Well, do you want it out or not?" Ummm....I wasn't really sure how to respond to that. "Maybe?....Ish?" #Imsuchamess.

Since we happen to be friends with my OB and his nurse, Christy, she called me right away and told me she'd get me in that week. She was definitely more excited about this whole thing than I was :P But I needed a pap smear anyway, so I could still change my mind before the appointment.

A few days later as I was driving to my appointment, I couldn't feel my legs, my fingers were tingling, and I kept giggling. What was wroooong with me?!! Dr. Froerer got me back to the room and we caught up on his life for a little while. Unfortunately, the second he said, "So...tell me about you? Are we really doing this?" I broke down in tears. Like, ugly, embarrassing crying right then and there. All I could think is, "Way to go Meredith, you are nailing this." 

After a brief discussion I decided it wouldn't be the end of the world to take it out. After all, if I changed my mind we could always protect in other ways...like never have sex. That would be the method Jordan would choose :P Jk.

So, that was it. We went to FL, I got a period, and over the next 2-3 weeks, although unprotected, we started to change our minds. Think of how EASY it was to travel to FL! The girls were zoned into their new coloring books and we were zoned into a movie. They help pack, they get themselves ready, we can reason with them.  No more of this....

And more of this...

Interestingly, however, even though we "changed our minds" after 2 weeks, it was too late. Just like that, I took a pregnancy test, and positive it was. I, of course, assumed the test was broken or cheap so I had Jordan take one as a control subject. I won't show you the picture of him peeing on a stick because I'd like to remain married but I assure you, it's hilarious :P 

For the next few weeks I had a really tough time with the news. Why had I done this to myself? Was this child going to be lonely all by itself since the girls are so much older? Are we going to be OK delving back into the baby phase? We just remodeled our house! Now we'll have baby body fluids all over our new rugs :( Basically, any negative I could think of....was ALL I could think of. Then, the sickness set in and my negativity got even worse. I couldn't even bring myself to say the words "I'm pregnant" to anyone. It was a pretty lonely place to be in.

Then funny enough, I happened to have agreed to fill a guest spot at a local PA program to teach PA students how to use ultrasound. I was actually pretty curious to see if there was, in fact, something in there. So after helping a group of the students with other aspects of ultrasound we decided to take a look at what was going on in my belly. 

Imagine my surprise when I saw this....

2 separate babies...2 separate sacs. 

I immediately sat upright and a lot of expletives that I really regret saying in a professional setting ensued. "What was happening?!?! There are no twins in either of our families. This is impossible. I never considered the idea that I would ever have twins. This isn't part of the plan! Oh my gosh....how can this be happening?" All of these were thoughts racing through my mind. It's interesting how learning you're about to have FOUR kids really shines a new light on the whole THREE kids thing. What was I even originally upset about thinking I was pregnant with a single baby? #perspective

I called Jordan right away and he came to the PA program with tears in his eyes. "This means SIX plane tickets" was the first thing he said to me. Ummmm...how about nursing 2 babies at once? How about taking FOUR kids to the grocery store? How about changing TWICE as many diapers everyday? The LAUNDRY...oh my gosh, the laundry! Get out of here with your plane ticket problems :P I really hate to admit this, but when I first found out, I knew there was the chance one might not make it....and I was kind of hoping for that. But after a day or two, my motherly instinct really took over and although I know it'll be very hard, I really want 2 healthy, happy babies out of this :)

So that was it. Somehow, learning I was carrying twins made it easier to admit that I was pregnant. I was finally able to tell a few people and it really started to sink in. Our family was about to change in a BIG way. We decided to do a scavenger hunt for the kids to fill them in on the news and after finding diapers, baby blankets, bottles, wipes, and all things baby around the house we asked, "What are we trying to tell you guys?" to which they answered..."That we get to use all of this on our baby dolls!!!" So cute.  They were actually really excited about the news and neither one cried which was really all I was hoping for. They wanted to know if they had squished the babies early when they were jumping on me and both wanted to pat my tummy and give it kisses. I really couldn't have asked for a better reaction :)

PS - Sorry Kinsey is always half naked...it's impossible to keep her dressed! 

In fact, the next day I was trying to find toys for Teagan to take to show-and-tell and she said no, she wanted to take a baby blanket so that she could tell everyone that she was going to be a big sister :) Seriously made my day 0:)

And now we are in a different phase of things. It's all settled in, but I feel AWFUL and can barely make it through most days. The exhaustion is overwhelming and I literally can't get out of bed to even get food for myself half the time. I lied in bed starving the other day and finally had Kins bring me a box of Cheezits when I couldn't take it anymore. Seriously  I'm pathetic. I feel terrible about how little I'm doing for the girls (seeing that I'm only awake about 6 hrs a day) but as my beautiful friend, Naomi, put it, "they're getting lots of time to be creative and learn self care skills". Thanks for helping me see the positive in life Naomi!! And that's it. I'm over here thinking about how I'll actually spend an entire decade of my life wiping someone else's butt daily and Kinsey and T are picking out names like Spike, June, Pink Sparkles and Purple Sparkles. Things are right on track ;) 

So even though life has thrown us one GIANT curveball, one thing I do know is that Jordan is the BEST daddy ever and Kinsey and Teagan are going to be the most awesome sisters these kids could ask for. I'm so thankful for my current situation, the business I've built to provide income for these babies even though I'm literally doing nothing right now, the fact that our house is technically big enough to house them, and that I already drive a minivan :P I'm really excited to watch this all play out and although there are so many worries too, I know it's all going to be ok because we all have each other :)