Introvert

It's amazing what you can learn about yourself as you get older. I've gone through my entire life not really knowing anything about myself other than my emotions (which take over from time to time). I've always considered myself a shy person but this not the case. If I want to say something I will, self expression is not a problem. I screen my phone calls but not for the reason people may think. I'm constantly thinking something even if I don't express it, and believe me you probably don't want to hear it anyway. Although I may look mad I'm probably not, it's just bad genetics. I get stressed out easily when I don't feel in control of my surroundings, I need time to reflect and get things right. I don't like being pushed or pressured into things, it just may not be the right thing for me. I've only recently allowed myself to relax, I'm feeling much better about everything happening in my life. Although it has it's place, I find technology cumbersome, and long to put a pen to paper to share my innermost thoughts; the paper doesn't judge me. I often feel defeated, but it has only made me stronger. I am an introvert and there is nothing wrong with that.

In the long run...

Here it is 2:00 in the morning and I can't think of anything better to do than blog. I can think of things that I should be doing, but it's 2:00 in the morning so why do them?
So apparently I am in the home stretch for school which is exciting but incredibly stressful. Why I saved the hardest classes for the end is beyond me. Everyday I'm struggling to get a grasp on what my lectures are about and at this point it is hard to even care. Which makes it doubly difficult. This semester I'm finishing off Organic Chemistry, Physics and attempting to take an online calculus class (which isn't really going to well). Math sucks, especially when your 99.99% sure you will never use it the rest of your life. On top of this I still juggle work and my research. Although I have applied for graduation it feels like it is never going to happen, and it's freaking me out a little. If graduation actually happens for me it is going to be by some sort of miracle. i've told my kids to not really expect for me to be around for the next 4 weeks and in the long run it will be better for me to finish school now. I'm so glad that they are at the age of being semi-independent and responsible. I still think I have the best kids ever!

Personality and The Force.

We just had a Bunderson Family Reunion in Junction, UT. Where is Junction you ask? Well, it's pretty much in the middle of nowhere. It consists of about 3 blocks that run along the highway. It's out of the way from here, but none the less we did find something to do. My parents arranged for everyone to stay in an old courthouse that was built in 1904 and I believe there are parts of it that are haunted. The property had a huge amount of lawn surrounding it and a large covered patio. Among other arrangements, my parents decided to rent a bounce house for all the kids to play in and mind you there were a lot of kids. They would flock to it in droves, jump for a few minutes, someone would scream and then start crying and few minutes later everyone would crawl out of the bounce house and disperse. When the toy of choice was not being used, the power to the fan that blew up the bounce house was unplugged and the structure would collapse. Well there happened to be one time that someone plugged it in so the kids could, once again, begin their cycle of laugher-screaming and crying. Parker was standing at the front of the entrance while the contraption inflated. He lifted his arms as the structure moved up towards the sky. When the bounce house was about 1/2 way up his arms were completely extended and he started to shake them as if he was straining under the massive weight of the self-inflating toy. He shook and shook until the bounce house was completely inflated and then he dove into the entrance, like a ninja, where a whole mess of kids followed. This boy makes me smile like no other.

Just a little update...cause it's raining.

It's raining. I love the rain. The smell of wet dirt and the pattering on the ground, i just find it so relaxing. There's just something about a rainy day that helps me think clearly and stay focused for a while. Hence, the ability to blog at the moment.

I've started what I hope will be the last year of school for me before getting my bachelors. I don't why, but I think I may have set myself up for disaster waiting to take organic chemistry and physics my last year of school. I'm so afraid that I'm not going to pass and I'll be in school for another year. So far classes have been okay but testing starts this week and that in itself makes me nervous. I guess we'll see how it goes. I'm kind of in a weird situation were the people that I studied with before either graduated or withdrew and I'm all alone as far as studying and learning the material. I guess I've had to independent in school before, so it really shouldn't be that big of deal.

My kids are doing their best at making me feel old. Parker turned 9 last week and is doing everything he can to be independent of Mom. Natalie started Intermediate School and is also insisting on the independence, but not the same way Parker is. I feel them watching me now and it makes me nervous to think that I'm a role model of sorts. I guess I had better clean up my act if I want my kids to turn out decent. :)

The official boycott!

After no forethought, I am official declaring July 24th, aka Pioneer Day in Utah, off limits for any fun or frivolity. This morning I jumped inside of a government vehicle and with three other employees headed off to the North Rim of the Grand Canyon for a science symposium. We looked through the symposium, ate lunch and then finished looking through the symposium. On our way home we ran into a hale storm that left 2 inches of hale on the ground, and us, on the side of the road, to wait out the storm. After this freakish summer storm we continued driving down the road in the fog that formed. If I didn't know any better I would have thought it was the middle of winter instead of the middle of July but being what it was, we made it home all the same. I was dropped off at my house and the group I was with continued on. I opened the front door and started to step inside when I saw Parker laying on the couch with his shirt off and a large ace bandage wrapped around his torso. My first thought was that he broke his ribs. I asked what happened and was told that he fell off of his bike while riding down the street without using his hands. The poor kid has road rash all over the place. The abrasions are on his wrists, thigh, torso and feet, but nothing on his pretty face. For once I think he may understand why I'm so adamant about him wearing his helmet. As much as I love celebrating a holiday, the 24th of July just isn't a lucky one for us. I warned Jeff when I left this morning not to go hiking and not to get bit by a snake. It never occurred to me that someone else could possibly get hurt. The poor little guy. When I put him to bed all he could say is "I'm so uncomfortable".

Are you freak'n kidding me?

So, here I am in the middle of summer. It's been a pretty good one so far with work keeping me busy and a total lack of the post secondary education issue. With one year left to earn my degree in biology I have saved the most challenging classes, for me, until last. After thinking about this for the last few months I've realized that this was really not the best move. Physics and organic chemistry at the same time is probably enough to set one little Miss Amber over the edge. (Not that I haven't been there before.) On Saturday I figured that it was time to log on to the old college website and get a feel for the cost of books for fall semester. After a few minutes of looking up classes, jotting down course numbers and locating the right web page, I finally entered in my classes and waited for the screen to tell me the damages. When I saw them I just about had a heart attack. The total came to a whopping $951.00. After slamming my head in a door and regaining my composure, I began to look for books online. After about 15 minutes of looking I think that I found everything that I need for around $400.00. This is totally do-able. Now, I have to through in my complaint. What the hell is the college bookstore trying to do? They know we are poor. They know we have other choices. They know we could even rent books. Why on earth is there such a freak'n huge mark up on books? I do have to put a little shout out to the teachers though. At least we can use the books 2 semesters. All this being said...I'm still taking donations for school.

Boogoo Bear

I had the most amazing time at work last week. I spent three days on the Arizona Strip learning about the area with a group of honors students from around the country. The first day I did a general presentation on the monument for them, just to give them an idea of what they might be getting into out there. The second day we went to Tuweep and met briefly with the ranger that lives out there and the third day, well, we went looking for a cave that was reported by some cave enthusiasts. After searching for about an hour we came up with two caves. One found by the cave enthusiasts and one by an honors student. Just about when we were ready to go I wandered off a little because I could see an opening in some rocks and wasn't sure if it was a cave or a shadow. I walked over by it and started to feel cold air but I didn't have time to get the Physical Scientist over there at just that moment, he was well on his way back to our ride. So on Saturday, Jeff and I went back out to take another look at it. It's bigger, deeper and colder than the other two caves. I've encountered a little problem now. I'm suppose to name it. I asked the kids what they would name it and Natalie said that I should name it Boogoo bear. I have no idea where that came from but it is kind of cute. Parker hasn't thought of anything yet. Jeff refuses to participate, so if anyone has any ideas for names please let me know.

Commitment

Although it has been a tough couple of weeks with 8 presentations, 4 5-8 page papers and 4 finals, this semester has been incredibly interesting. I think that colleges are try to keep secrets about how fun classes can be your junior and senior year. Every class I took required an experiment, complete with a paper and presentation. My professors couldn't spread these out at all, but had to make them all due within a week of each other. The fact that I had been working on an experiment all semester that was suppose to cover all these classes, and the fact that 89 of my 90 fish for my experiment died really didn't help the situation either. I scrambled and found something else to do...Bugs. They came to me free of charge from an animal behavior lab at school. I've had bugs sitting on my counter top for almost a month. As a matter of fact I finished up the experiment last week and when I got home today Jeff had just gassed the poor things. I have to admit I was a little attached. But the bugs aren't the only thing I've brought home from school. We have also inherited 6 chickens and 8 fish. Now that I have all these animals at home I have to wonder how I'm going to afford to feed them. One good outcome of having all these animals is that I have a daughter that absolutely loves them. I think if Natalie could take the chickens for a walk everyday she would. She's been so good to take them outside everyday and let them scratch around and she even cleans their box every week. Yes, she has named them and can also identify each of them. There goes the chicken dinner. (Not that I would eat it anyway.) I can't imagine a cuter little farm girl out chasing her chickens around trying to get them back in their pen. When she goes out in the evening to get them she opens their gate and starts patting her legs and saying come on...like the chickens will follow her into their pen. How on earth does a person get a child that cute and responsible?

It's Spring Break and I'm still doing homework

For some reason unknown to me I just couldn't sleep last night. I started working on a paper for ichtheology (fish) last night, that is due on Monday, and went to bed about 11:00, then I woke up at 3:00. I tossed and turned until I succumbed to my awakeness and got up at 4:25 and started on that dumb paper again. Regardless of how much I actually accomplished researching and writing my paper I found it really funny when I was just closing out of safari and in the little search area is written "why do fish grunt". It seems fairly random but at the time it made perfect sense.

She loves me...She loves me not...

I'm lucky enough to have an animal behavior class this semester and I honestly have to admit that I absolutely love the lab. We have observed birds and ducks (not that I like observing either of these) and most interesting of all, humans. Oh yeah, I could be watching you right now, and because of the stealth maneuvers we have learned, you would never know. Exciting huh? Anyway last week we split up into groups and decided on a behavior to observe. Our group decided to watch women play with their hair, either in the presence of a man or the presence of other women. The results showed that women play with their hair almost twice as much in the presence of a man than they do in the presence of other women. Honestly, it was probably one of the funniest things I've seen in a long time. There would be a group of women having lunch and even if a man walked by they would start playing with their hair. Not just one of them, but all of them. So what does this mean...well, ladies now you know to not play with your hair unless you fancy that guy walking by. And men, well evidently we fancy you all. (I like the word fancy today.) FANCY!