jolinann

Thursday, May 20, 2010

你曾说不想有天让我知道
你对他有那么好
你说会懂我的失落
不是靠宽容
就能够解脱
我以为
我出现的时候刚好
你和他正说要分开
我以为你
已对他不再期待
不纵容他再给你伤害
我以为我的温柔
能给你真的愉悦
我以为我能全力
填满你感情缺口
专心陪在你左右
弥补他一切的错
也许我太过天真
以为奇迹会发生

我以为终究
你会慢慢明白
他的心不在你身上
我的关心
你依然无动于衷
我的以为只是我以为

我以为我的温柔
能给你真的愉悦
我以为我能全力
填满你感情缺口
专心陪在你左右
弥补他一切的错
也许我太过天真
以为奇迹会发生

他让你红了眼眶
你却还笑着原谅
原来你早就想好
你要留在谁身旁
我以为我够坚强
却一天天地失望
少给我一点希望
希望就不是奢望
却输得那呢绝望

BLOGGED @7:30 PM

Friday, April 30, 2010

Gonna say goodbye to slacking of 6months...
I have found a job finally...
Not only that, I am getting the pay that I am asking for...

I still remember one of my goal for last year was to find a job that pay me that amount..
I want to thank Pearlyn Chionh for recommandation too...
Nothing is impossible with God...
I remember sending the resume out for 1 week and no calls received yet...
That very week, Albert prayed for me, WX, Peiling, Tong and Aeby...
After that prayer, I receive the call the following week...
It's really amazing till I don't know how to write in words...

I have failed many times in my work...
From now on, I got to learn not to use people to further my agenda...
From now on, I got to humble myself more to learn more things...
From now on, I got to guide my thoughts life...
From now on, I got to learn to say "NO" to things that I know I cant do it...
From now on, I got to focus more on the areas where I want to grow strong...

BLOGGED @4:11 PM

Friday, April 09, 2010

Created to Yvette....

Sometimes we lie over BIG or TINY things to protect ourselves or our love ones from being hurt; we may even lie thinking its just a white lie its okie!! But..

Revelation 21:8
But the cowardly, unbelieving, abominable, murderers, sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars shall have their part in the lake which burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death

WOW, amazing! so please dont lie to me; if you want think of Rev 21:8!! :)

Thanks Yvette for listening....

BLOGGED @3:50 PM

Saturday, October 24, 2009

I used to hste studies very badly....
I can simply fall asleep when I start reading...
It really took me a big courage to sign up for DBA Course...
Yet yesterday was the worst time in my life I ever had...

I failed both my POE and FA1...
I controlled my tears all the way from work till class and back home...
Wondering what question had I done wrong and why I had failed...

And I think back...
I missed one test each for both modules...
I had valid reasons for missing the tests...

I was told by the school that they are not sure if my result was review..
Thus, if I want to know, I got to pay $107 for appeal to view...
I feel like cheated by them...

Pay $107 and cannot get a confirm answer to pass...
Re-exam is $64.20....

ARGH!!!!

I feel like a shit now...
4 papers to study this term...

I never cried that bad before...

BLOGGED @12:53 AM

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

Many people had asked me what happen recently...
Aside to work and studies that tired me alot...
I had been praying for something...
A something that now I can fully let go and let God...

I got to know this person at AC08...
Remember the tough time serving from hall 7 to hall 10...
Serving external non-stop...

We met again on each Sat service & duties...
Xmas service we meet again...
Finally we added each other on facebook and msn...
Lastly, I had make a promise that I will write a card for everyone I know on their bday...
This person is one of them I wrote a card to...
A simple card that break the ice in between...

Things goes smooth for a start...
Then it fated away...
We stop contacting for a moment...

Months later, we meet up again...
Dinners and for once we went for movie...

I never thought of anything at all...
I remembered we had discuss on one issue...
I remembered the reply was not the right time yet...
I remembered a promise was made by this person...

Then.....
We hardly talk to each other again...

Was surprise that we are from the same zone...
I found out during the sub-zone service...
And this person start to shared with things...

I thought we are starting off again...
But then....
Something happened...
We went on silent war...
Never talk to each other again...

Then....
I asked about the zone retreat...
Was sad that this person initally didnt sign up..
But then mind was changed...

During the zone retreat, everything was ok...
Was surprise by the act from this person...

Guess maybe I had expected too much...
Things doesnt turn out well after that...

I started to chose to ignore...
But never stop praying...
God answered what I had asked for...

Now that I know the true colour...
This person forgotten about the promise that was made...
Lifes of me still moves on...
Tears do drop non-stop...
Eyes swollen for sure...
Encouragement from friends who knows this matter...
I had see the real you...
A person that will break promises...

**If you are reading this, just want to tell you that it will be a memories... Whatever decision you make, I will support you... So long as you are happy, I am happy...**

BLOGGED @9:41 PM

Monday, October 05, 2009

W322 @ DurianLingers

My sister: Si Jie (Kellie) Bday on 1 Oct...
Me: Bday on 11 Oct...

BLOGGED @12:53 AM

This week was rather pack and busy week for me...
Cg celebrated my bday early as I couldnt make it next week...
Attended PB & WY Matrimony...
Headed to Bugis to chill with CK n Yee....
Head to Expo....

After svc, went to Pasir Ris for dinner with cg...
A farewell dinner for Samson and Bday Celebration for me...

We then headed to Durianlinger for Durian Fiest....
*Slurps*
Had durian non stop this week....
OMG~

What make me even great was to be able to celebrate my sister and my bday...
The four of us went to Swensen...
Had overdose of ice cream...
Fun and laughters....

Last but not least...
Chat with a special person....
Feel great and much much better...
Thanks for encouraging me....
=)

BLOGGED @12:45 AM

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character;
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.

BLOGGED @12:03 PM

Thursday, September 24, 2009

A day when the four of us came together for Combine Zone Retreat at Palm Resort..
All of us went with many feelings..

Day One
All of us are place at different teams..
We started off the ice breaking games..
Started to get to know more people..

After we got our room keys..
We started to unpack everything..
Wash up and headed for dinner...

Session One begins..
Second Touch

Everyone of us begin to get out of our comfort zone..
Trying to mixed around with other group of people..

Its remind me of the "First Love" that I have..
The "First Love" that I was so hungry to serve in various ministries..
The "First Love" that I had for everyone around me..
The "First Love" that I want to treasure you..

Tears roll down most of us eyes..
We began to bow down and seek him even more..

We break off for R&R..
All of us started our jokes and laughters and etc..

Day Two keeps off..
Session Two

The Six "D"s..
1) Dream
2) Decision
3) Delay
4) Difficulties
5) Desperation
6) Deliverances

And "WAIT"

W- ithstand
A- nticipate
I- ntercede
T- rust

Lastly another 3 "D"s

1) Doubt
2) Depression
3) Detour

I must complete "IT".
Rededicated my life back to you..
I want to love you even more..

We had the pool session..
Everyone loves it..

The night session was super great..
Manhunt session~

Four of us wear the same colour and theme for the day..

Photo with Bennie..

Day Three..
Last Day..

Everyone are going back to reality after this day..
Grab as much chances as we can to cam whore..

Bus home with Shirleen..

I really treasure and will miss this time that we had..

Overall
Team 10 is the best..

I love the girls..
The crazy us..

My beloved CG (W322)

My Ex-CG (E425)& the girls..

With YL Zone & Pastor..

The last day...

I am the "Queen" of the 1st game..

BLOGGED @12:59 AM

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Today found out that my sister is alone at home, both of us went to buy lunch together.
A great lunch together.
She is so funny when I bought her 2 kidder joy and some Mr and Ms keychain.
She gave me some of her kidder joy toys to place it at my desk at office.

Sweet right?
She just make me smile today~

BLOGGED @10:05 PM

I hasnt been updating on my status...

Just on Wednesday, a group of us from went to Singapore Girls Home to do some visitation. It was really great. I paid the price for not going for bs and head down to have the 1st session with the girls. My mentee was my junior, she was a chatterbox to me, a future best chief I am going to see in her.

Aside from that, I remember Ming Jing shared with me about the "Universal Key" in us that each of us has. There are many doors in front of us that are shutted from us, we got to use our "Universal Key" to unlock it. When we unlock it, it doesnt mean it will be open forever. We got to maintain it as well. That when many of us wonder why is it so difficult. Life never seen to be easy, is just like the mountain that we had to climb and concur.

Thinking back to my Mount Kinabalu trip. I didnt prepare myself for it. Cried half way up, fall down many times, almost want to gave up. But in the end I manage to see the sunrise and sunset, the beautiful city in front of me. Everything was so perfect, but it the matter of how we going to make full us of our hiden talents that impart in us to live on and move on.

Each of us are the living testimony in every areas of our life. I always try to put on a smile in every situation I encounter, I am still trying.

On Friday, did a one to one review. Everything went on smooth to what I didnt expect. Remembering the night before, I called Kel on this and keep saying the things that I had done wrong and so on. Haha~ The later night BBQ turn out to be a sweet one after that. Carry Kristin during the BBQ, she is just one month plus only. Amazing thing was, she didnt cry at all.

My exam date are drawing really very near. Mugging in processing soon~

Meeting up with the pals on Tuesday for Ice Cream Waffles. Dont pang-sei ok?? :P

BLOGGED @7:07 PM

Monday, July 20, 2009

Credit to Weixiang..
Here is the complete family picture...

BLOGGED @11:02 PM

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

As many know I had missed my first test for both Econs and FA1...
Due to valid reason and had submit the necessary documents to the school...
Serveral checks had been done to double confirm on the 2 paper that I had missed, will had a grade review...
No information was been pass down to me to inform me that I will be getting "ZERO"...

Recalling back to the orientation in December last year...

If a student misses a class test/quiz/assessment with valid reason (namely: medical certificate, bereavement, and so on – that is, on grounds that are fully justifiable and is beyond the control of the student), the student’s overall result (attendance, other assessments and/or assignment submissions) for that particular module will be reviewed prior to awarding the final grade.

If a student misses a class test/quiz/assessment with no valid reason, there will be no consideration or review; in other words, the student forfeits the assessment and possible marks allocated.

Emailed to the Programme Executive and inform her plus seek advise beefore I miss the test...

Her reply are as followed include the bold text above...

In your case, please provide a copy of the death certificate and submit your lecturer. She will then indicate in the record list and your final grade will be reviewed.

Today, I called up the office just to check on the grading and etc...
I was told that the test that I had missed will be graded "ZERO"...
Why ZERO????
I thought the Programme Executive had mention that my grade will be reviewed...
I missed the test with a valid reason...
Even the HOD called me and told me the same...

I was also being advise that even if I score 80% or 90% for my written paper, I can only get a pass grade for my overall...
Isnt the school is cheatting on us???
If I just want to get a pass, why do I want to enroll for it???
If I just want to get a pass, why do I want to waste my money on it???
If I just want to get a pass, why do I want to waste my time on it???

ARGH~

BLOGGED @10:44 PM

Sunday, July 12, 2009

B.O.A.S was great and fun...
Walk till my leg break...
Meet some funny merchants...
Some cant be bother cause they are very busy...

Gathered to take some video...
Head back to the bus pick up point...
Back in Suntect Convention Center...

Didnt won the Lucky Draw...

Went to K with some till... 2am????

Let the picture do the talking...
It was so funny and tiring...

The Girls....

The Guys....

BLOGGED @9:41 PM

Thursday, June 18, 2009

I score "B" for my QS....
I am expecting an "A"....
Rather upset over it that I didnt able to mug just now...

Ping Qi and Jane score the same as me...

I could have done better....
Mood swing badly!!!!

幸福的距离 where are you....
ARGH!!!!

I hate "B"....

BLOGGED @11:24 PM

I dont mean to treat you that way...
You simply just look alike as him...
From the way you speak, you react, you work, your speech and etc...
Everything are just alike as him...
I cant help but have the feeling of "Hate" in me towards you...

I know it may cause misunderstanding...
I just want to avoid the same incident to repeat in my life...

BLOGGED @11:20 PM

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

I have finally found this... Is at Qingshui - Taichung... I will want to drop by this windmill when I visit Taiwan again... Just suddenly want to have a short getaway... Jane and I plan to go overseas after our diploma!!! I will want to countries hop again like what Jas and I did last year... 5 countries in 1 year...

BLOGGED @12:34 AM

Monday, June 15, 2009

This week is gonna be the 4th lesson of SoS...
It had been a great lesson and had always look forward to it on Friday.

Lesson 1: Stand half way thru the lesson as it was fully pack..
Lesson 2: Manage to reach early and reserve seats for my cg..
Lesson 3: Late for 15mins but still manage to get into the hall..
Lesson 4: This Friday!!!! Counting down to it..

My Wednesday lesson has been back... Another 10 weeks of lessons... I can graduate this year for another level...

Side track abit... Last week was great... F.I.R sang 月牙弯 and I love it, I was super high... Geng Hong sang 幸福的距离 super into the song...

Wing was not here... ARGH!!!!

I haven't been resting these few days... Rushing for projects, revisions and preparation for my tests... As many know, I had missed my tests and lessons for a week, this tests are super important for me... Got to do super well...

My term 1 exam results are out real soon... 24th June.... Cant wsit for the day to arrive.... I pray hard that I dont have to re-exam for ES and my QS can score....

Esther had left for Batam for her CIP... Gonna miss her and funs around... I cant imagine I had speak parables on Sunday night... I had been super tired to the extend that I can fall down in my whole room...

Counting down for Serena return....

My hair are getting more mess... Should I rebond or perm???

**Thanks to those that are with me, encourage me these while when I am struggling on my modules... To my suprise, Zhan Wei you are here to encourge me... Ur kit kat jokes make me laugh non-stop... It really brighten my day up...

BLOGGED @11:59 PM

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Grudge within a husband and wife

You never Know.........!

Just two years after our marriage, hubby brought up the idea of asking Mother to move from the rural hometown and spend her remaining years with us.
Hubby's father passed away while he was still very young. Mother endured much hardship and struggled all on her own to provide for him, see him through to a university degree.
You could say that she suffered a great deal and did everything you could expect of a woman to bring hubby to where he is today.
I immediately agreed and started packing the spare room, which has a balcony facing the South to let her enjoy the sunshine and plant greenery.
Hubby stood in the bright room, and suddenly just picked me up and started spinning round and round. As I begged him to put me down, he said: "Lets go fetch mother."
Hubby is tall and big sized and I love to test on his chest and enjoy the feeling that he could pick me up at any moment put the tiny me into his pockets.
Whenever we have an argument and both refuses to back down, he would pick me up and spin me over his head continuously until I surrender and beg for mercy.
I became addicted to this kind of panic-joy feeling.

Mother brought along her countryside habits and lifestyle with her. For example; I am so used to buying flowers to decorate the living room, she could not stand it and would comment: "I do not know how you young people spend your money, why do you buy flowers for? You also can't eat flowers!" I smiled and said: "Mum, with flowers in the house, our mood will also become better." Mother continues to grumble away, and hubby smiled: "Mum, this is a city-people's habit; slowly you will get use to it."
Mother stopped saying anything. But every time thereafter, whenever came home with flowers, she would ask me how much it costs. I told her and she would shake her head and express displeasure. Sometimes, when I come home with lots of shopping bags, she would ask each and every item how much they cost, I would tell her honestly and she would get even more upset about it. Hubby playfully pinched my nose and said: "You little fool, just don't tell her the full price of everything would solve it."
There begins the friction to our otherwise happy lifestyle.

Mother hates it most when hubby wakes up early to prepare the breakfast. In your view, how could the man of the house cook for the wife? At the breakfast table, mother facial expression is always like the dark clouds before a thunderstorm and I would pretend not to notice. She would use her chopsticks and make a lot of noise with it as her silent protest.
As I am a dance teacher in the Children's Palace and am exhausted from along day of dancing around, I do not wish to give up the luxury of that additional few minutes in the comfort of my bed and hence I turned a deaf ear to all the protest mother makes. From time to time, mother would help out with some housework, but soon her help created additional
work for me. For example: she would keep all kinds of plastic bags accumulating them so that she sell them later on, and resulted in our house being filled with all the trash bags; she would scrimp on dish washing detergent when helping to wash the dishes and so as not to hurt her feelings, I would quietly wash them again.

One day, late at night, mother saw me quietly washing the dishes, and "Bam" she slams her bedroom door and cried very loudly in her room. Hubby was placed in a difficult position, and after that, he did not speak to me for that entire night. I pretended to be a spoilt child, tried acting cute, but he totally ignored me.... I got mad and asked him: "What did I do wrong?" Hubby stared at me and said: "Can't you just give in to her once? We couldn't possibly die eating from a bowl however
unclean it is, right?" After that incident, for a long period of time, mother did not speak to me and you can feel that there is a very awkward feeling hanging in the house. During that period of cold war, hubby was caught in dilemma as to who to please.
In order to stop her son from having to prepare breakfast, mother took on the "all important" task of preparing breakfast without any prompting. At the breakfast table, mother would look at hubby happily eating his breakfast and cast that reprimanding stare at me for having failed to perform my duty as a wife. To avoid the embarrassing breakfast situation, I resorted to buying my own breakfast on my way to work. That night, while in bed, hubby was a little upset and asked me: "LD, is it because you think that mum's cooking is not clean that's why you chose not to eat at home?" He then turned his back on me and left me alone in tears as feeling of unfairness overwhelmed me. After some time, hubby sighed: "LD, just for me, can you have breakfast at home?" I am left with no choice but to return to the breakfast table.

The next morning, I was having porridge prepared by mother and I felt a sudden churn in my stomach and everything inside seem to be rushing up my throat. I tried to suppress the urge to throw up but I could not. I threw down the bowl, rushed into the washroom, and vomited everything out. Just as I was catching my breath, I saw mother crying and grumbling very loudly in her dialect, hubby was standing at the washroom doorway staring at me with fire burning in his eyes.. I opened my mouth but no words came out of it, I really did not mean it.

We had our very first big fight that day; mother took a look at us, then stood up and slowly made her way out of the house. Hubby gave me a final stare in the eye and followed mother down the stairs. For three days, hubby did not return home, not even a phone call. I was so furious, since mother arrived; I had been trying my best and putting up with her, what else do you want me to do? For no reason, I keep having the feeling to throw up and I simply have not appetite for food, coupled with all the events happening at home, I was at then low point in my life.

Finally, a colleague said: "LD, you look terrible; you should go and see a doctor." The doctor confirmed that I am pregnant.
Now it became clear to me why I threw up that fateful morning, a sense of sadness floated through that otherwise happy news. Why didn't hubby, and mother who had been through this before, thought of the possibility of this being the reason that day? At the hospital entrance, I saw my hubby standing there. It had only been three days, but he looked haggard. I had wanted to turn and leave, but one look at him and my heart soften, I couldn't resist and called out to him. He followed my voice and finally found me but he pretended that he doesn't know me; he has that disgusted look in his eyes that cut right through my heart. I told myself not to look at him anymore, and hail a cab. At that moment, I have such a strong urge inside me to shout to my hubby: "Darling, I am having your baby!" and have him lift me up and spin me around in circles of joy. What I wanted didn't happen and as I sat in the cab, my tears started rolling down. Why? Why our love couldn't even withstand the test of one fight?

Back home, I lay on the bed thinking about my hubby, and the disgusted look in his eyes. I cried and wet the corner of the blanket. That night, sound of the drawers opening woke me up. I switched on the lights and I saw hubby with tears rolling down his face. He was removing the money. I stared at him in silence; he ignored me, took the bank deposit book and some money and left the house. Maybe he really intends to leave me for good. What a rational man, so clear-cut in love and money matters. I gave a few dried laugh and tears starting streaming down again. The next day, I did not go to work. I wanted to clear this out and have a good talk with hubby. I reached his office and his secretary gave me a weird
look and said: "Mr. Tan's mother had a traffic accident and is now in the hospital."
I stood there in shock. I rushed to the hospital and by the time I found hubby, mother had already passed away. Hubby did not look at me, his face was expressionless. I looked at mother's pale white and thin face and I couldn't control the tears in my eyes. My god, how could this happen? Throughout the funeral, hubby did not say a single word to me, with only the occasional disgusted stare at me. I only managed to find out brief facts about the accident from other people. That day, after mother left the house, she walked in dazed toward the bus stop, apparently intending to go back to her old house back in the countryside. As hubby ran after her, she tried to walk faster and as she tried to cross the street, a public bus came and hit her...I finally understood how much hubby must hate me, if I had not thrown up that morning, if we had not quarreled, if....In his heart, I am indirectly the killer of his mother.

Hubby moved into mother's room and came home every night with a strong liquor smell on him. And me, I am buried under the guilt and self-pity and could hardly breathe. I wanted to explain to him, tell him that we are going to have our baby soon, but each time, I saw the dead look in his eyes, all the words I have at the brink of my mouth just fell back in. I had rather he hit me real hard or give me a big and thorough scolding though none of these events happening had been my fault at all.

Many days of suffocating silence went by and as the days went by, hubby came home later and later. The deadlock between us continues, we were living together like strangers who don't know each other. I am like the dead knot in his heart.

One day, I passed by a western restaurant, looking into the glass window, I saw hubby and a girl sitting facing each other and he very lightly brushed her hair for her, I understood what it meant. After recovering from that moment of shock, I entered the restaurant, stood in front of my hubby and stared hard at him, not a tear in my eyes. I have nothing to say to him, and there is no need to say anything. The girl looked at me, looks at hubby, stands up and wanted to go, hubby stretched out his hand and stopped her. He stared back at me,challenging me. I can only hear my slow heart beat, beating, one by one as if at the brink of death. I eventually backed down, if I had stood that any longer, I will collapse together with the baby inside me.
That night, he did not come home; he had chosen to use that as a way to indicate to me: Following mother's death so did our love for each other.
He did not come home anymore after that. Sometimes, when I returned home from work, I can tell that the cupboard had been touched - he had returned to take some of his stuff. I no longer wish to call him; the initial desire to explain everything to him vanished. I lived alone; I go for my medical checkups alone, my heart breaks again and again every time I see a guy carefully helping his wife through the physical examination. My office colleagues hinted to me to consider aborting the baby, I told them No, I will not.. I insisted on having to this baby, perhaps it is my way of repaying mother for causing her death. One day, I came home and I saw hubby sitting in the living room. The whole house was filled with cigarette smoke. On the coffee table, there was this piece of paper. I know what it is all about without even looking at it. In the two months plus of living alone, I have gradually learned to find peace within myself. I looked at him, removed my hat and said: "You wait a while, I will sign." He looked at me, mixed feelings in his eyes, just like mine.
As I hang up my coat, I keep repeating to myself "You cannot cry, you cannot cry...." my eyes hurt terribly, but I refused to let tears come out from there. After I hung up my coat, hubby's eyes stared fixed at my bulging tummy. I smiled, walked over to the coffee table and pulled the paper towards me. Without even looking at what it says, I signed my name on it and pushed the paper to him. "LD, are you pregnant?" Since mother's accident, this is the first time he spoke to me. I could not control my tears any further and they fell like raindrops. I said: "Yes, but its ok, you can leave now." He did not go, in the dark, we sat, facing each other. Hubby slowly moved over me, his tears wet the blanket. In my heart, everything seems so far away, so far that even if I sprint, I could never reach them. I cannot remember how many times he repeated "sorry" to me. I had originally thought that I would forgive him, but now I can't. In the western restaurant, in front of that girl, that cold look in his eyes, I will never forget, ever. We have drawn such deep scars in each other's heart. For me, it's unintentional; for him, totally intentional. I had been waiting for this moment of reconciliation, but I realized now, what had gone past is gone forever and could not repeated.

Other than the thought of the baby inside me that would bring some warmth to my heart, I am totally cold towards him, I no longer eat anything he buys for me, I don't take any presents from him and I stopped talking to him. From the moment I signed on that piece of paper, marriage and love had vanished from my heart. Sometimes, hubby will try to come into the bedroom, but when he walks in, I will walk out to the living room. He had no choice but to sleep in mother's room. At night, from his room, I can hear light sounds of groaning, I kept quiet. This used to be his trick; last time, whenever I ignore him, he would fake illness and I will surrender and find out what is wrong with him, he would then grab me and laugh. He has forgotten that last time I cared for him and am concerned because there was love, but now, what is there between us? Hubby's groaning came on and off continuing but I continuously ignored him.
Almost everyday, he would buy something for the baby, infant products, children products and books that kids like to read. Bags and bags of it stacked inside his room till it is full. I know he is trying to use this to reach out to me, but I am no longer moved by his actions. He has no choice but to lock himself in his room and I can hear his typing away on his computer keyboard, maybe he is now addicted to web surfing but none of that matters to me anymore. It was sometime towards the end of spring in the following year, one late night, I screamed because of a sudden stomach pain, hubby came rushing into the room, its like he did not change and sleep, and had been waiting for this moment. He carried me and ran down the stairs, stopped a car, holding my hand very tightly and kept wiping the sweat off my brow, throughout the journey to the hospital. Once we reached the hospital, he carried me and hurried into the delivery suite. Lying on the back of his skinny but warmth body, a thought crossed my mind: In my lifetime, who else would love me as much as he did?

He held the delivery suite door opened and watch me go in; his warm eyes caused me to manage a smile at him despite my contraction pain. Coming out of the delivery room, hubby looked at our son and me, eyes tear with joy and he kept smiling. I reached out and touched his hand.. Hubby looked at me, smiling and then he slowly collapsed onto the floor. I
cried out for him in pain... He smiled, but without opening that tired eyes of his... I had thought that I would never shed any tear for him, but the truth is, I have never felt a deeper pain cutting through my body at that moment. Doctor said that by the time hubby discovered he had liver cancer, it was already in terminal stage and it was a miracle that he managed to last this long. I asked the doctor when he first discovered he had cancer. Doctor said about 5 months ago and consoled me
saying: "Prepare for his funeral."

I disregarded the nurse's objection and rushed home, I went into his room and checked his computer, and a suffocating pain hitsme. Hubby's cancer was discovered 5 months ago, his groaning was real, and I had thought that... the computer showed over 200 thousand words he wrote for our son:
"Son, just for you, I have persisted, to be able to take a look at you before I fall, is my biggest wish now... I know that in your life, you will have many happiness and maybe some setbacks, if only I can accompany you throughout that journey, how nice would it be. But daddy now no longer has that chance. Daddy has written inside here all the possible difficulties and problems you may encounter during your lifetime, when you meet with these problems, you can refer to daddy's suggestion....
Son, after writing these 200 thousand words, I feel as if I have accompanied you through life journey. To be honest, daddy is very happy. Do love your mother, she has suffered, she is the one who loves you most and also the one who loves me most..." From play school to primary school, to secondary, university, to work and even in dealing with questions of love, everything big and small was written there.

Hubby has also written a letter for me:
"My dear, to marry you is my biggest happiness, forgive me for the pain I have caused you, forgive me for not telling you my illness, because I want to see you be in a joyful mood waiting for the arrival of our baby...My dear, if you cried, it means that you have forgiven me and I would smile, thank you for loving me...These presents, I'm afraid I cannot give them to our son personally, could you help me to give some of them to him every year, the dates on what to give when are all written on the packaging... "
Going back to the hospital, hubby is still in coma. I brought our son over and place him beside him. I said: "Open your eyes and smile, I want our son to remember being in the warmth of your arms..." He struggled to open his eyes and managed a weak smile. Our son still in his arms was happily waving his tiny hands in the air. I press the button on the camera and the sound of the shutter rang through the air as tears slowly rolled down my face.... A fatal misunderstanding and the person who loves me the most in this world is gone forever..."Cruel misunderstandings one after another disrupted the blissful footsteps to our family. Our originals intend of having Mother enjoy some quiet and peaceful moments in her remaining years with us went terribly wrong as destiny's secret is finally revealed at a price, every thing became too late."........

This is a true story.
LEARNING POINT - DO NOT EVER HOLD ON TO OFFENCES!!!
I am totally speechless, this story brought tears to my eyes as I read through each line eager to know what would happen next. It truly showed the devastating power of grudges and anger! Simple humility and communication would have resolved most of the problems in that story, as well as patience.... This story has really touched my heart and life as a whole and it has stimulated a paradigm shift. Though it is very sad, it is also very refreshing to know that from today, I can consciously start to live a life free of grudge. People please let's live a life devoid of grudge. Communication is key.

Take greatest care and live on.

BLOGGED @2:00 AM

Monday, June 08, 2009

I am just lazy to update.
Thanks for those that are with me all these while when I lost my beloved uncle.
Missed Econs and FA1 test.
Missed one week of class.
Went back to class and was lost.

I wonder if I can do well for this term.
I have no mood to study for this term.

A new change in job.
A new change in group in Usher.
a new change my project job.

I wonder if I can cope with it.
At times I do feel like giving up.
I tired to hang on.
The more I hang on, the more pain I felt.
I want to give up.

But remembering the first love I have with God, I gave it a try again.
The love will never fade away.

I just need a break~

BLOGGED @11:55 PM

Confusing Chinese Names

Caller : Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan (anyone)?

Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.

Caller : No, I want to speak to Annie Wan (anyone)!

Operator : You are talking to someone! Who is this?

Caller : I'm Sam Wan (Someone). And I need to talk to Annie Wan (anyone)! It's urgent.

Operator : I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?

Caller : Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan (anyone) that our brother Noel Wan (no one)has involved in an accident. Noel Wan (no one)got injured and now Noel Wan (no one) is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan (everyone) is on his way to the hospital.

Operator : Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!

Caller : You are so rude! Who are you?

Operator : I'm Saw Lee (Sorry).

Caller : Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!!

BLOGGED @12:15 AM

Monday, June 01, 2009

On the day of funeral, I felt like slapping one person.

If you ever see this post, please take note that everyone in the family hate you and your sister. We hate your mum too.
Please get this into your head that my sister didnt attend the wake on the last night and the funeral due to she is having fever, flu and sore throat. She is responsible enough by making the decision to stay at home. What else you want from her? She is studying Nursing course and she know what to do. Stay at home got f by you, go there also get f by you, what do you want?

You think she doesnt want to go? For god sake, she is also upset that she is down with fever, flu and sore throat and cant attend.

Have you ever thought of why we hated you so much? Stop showing us your black face and bo chap attitude, maybe we may want to treat you better. No one interested in what kind of volunteer work you does. We simply not interested at all.

I dont have to serve you with drinks and food. Dont ever ask my sisters to be your maid or my cousins to get for you. You are not close to us and not in our club so dont ever ask us to serve you. We rather serve our parents then serving you.

Just simply you think that you work in SPH, all of us need to worship you. The answer is "NO". You and your sister dont have the right to shout at anyone of us. I have given you face for not slapping you when you said that my sister is black-hearted.

All of us simply accept you for who your family are. Please stop all the nonsense and ask your mum to stop calling me. I dont wish to receive any calls from your family.

BLOGGED @2:11 PM

My uncle had breath his last on 25 May 2009, 8.15am at his bed.
The momnent when I got the message, I cried.
Someone who is so dear to all of us had ended his journey.

Headed down to my uncle house.
My heart sank.
As just 2 days ago we gathered to have a family dinner and gathering.

There are still parts in me that is not used to it.
I went to collect the photo at 3plus.
The journey back home was long and heavy.
Not that the photo is heavy, but something in me is heavy.

BLOGGED @1:53 PM

Monday, May 25, 2009

Good Bye Dua Pek.
May you Rest In Peace.
Thank you for your word.
I will remember it.
Thanks for taking care of me.
Thanks for your blessing.

BLOGGED @10:27 AM

Here are the updates from Thursday till now~
It was a great and fruitful weekend.

Thursday, I went to Canberra Primary with CityCare. We are there to conduct programs again. Today was the second lesson. It was fun and excited and blah blah blah to be address as "Teacher Jolin". Indeed the students are not only naughty and I have under estimated them. Is not easy to teach the primary school kids. I then understand my two cousins how they went through those period of times. Then went back to Riverwalk, when you put Adrian and Johnson together you will get "Roberts". Nothing but "Roberts". I was invited to join the Foundation. Full of "Roberts". Anyway, I shall stop all the "Roberts" here "Roberts" there.

Headed down to Tiong Bahru for lesson. I left early to meet Wenting and Bevan. Is a short meet up to celebrate Bevan birthday and a farewell to me. Headed home and knock out after that.

Friday, I went to NYP to meet my sister and Lena. We had McDonald for breakfast. Then Lena and I went to AMK Hub to stroll while my sister she went back for her lesson at 11am. After strolling halfway, I have decided to go for hair cut. It was a nightmare for me. Lena will know why~

We then head down to Melvin's place for swim. Got sunburnt badly as we swam from 1pm to 5pm. Headed down to cg at JQ and Pearlyn's place. The cg was great, everyone shared at least one testimony. The refreshment was great too with Jo preparation. Another home cooked food.

Meet Jas and Nana. Got drag to watch Angels and Demons. Cabbed home and was paid off.

Saturday, wake up late. I didnt mean it. But actually still early cos I over estimated the time. Went to JW service instead and help out in JW. The service was great, I was taking West with Lincoln. Everything was ok, there are still some hitcups. One empty seat, as the person walked out. Couldn't fill it.

End of it there was an alter call, went down to help Alpha as they need alot of helps. Suddenly when everything about to end, I was called to pray for one sister. Lay hand on her and begin to pray and encourage her. I was surprise and shock that I just lay hand for her.

Cabbed from JW to Jurong West St 52 Blk xxx to meet up with my cousin, Aunt and Uncle. Headed to Woodlands, my elder uncle's place for dinner cum family gathering. It was rather sad when everyone gather around my uncle bedside. My third uncle was there as well, manage to bring him over. Is not easy at this period of time, I do teared. I have tried not to but I cant control anymore when everyone in the room start to on the tap.

Had taken the family picture. Need to photo edit 2 more picture inside to make it perfect. Allan Kor Kor went out to settle some stuff and he wasnt in the picture, elder uncle was too tired and weak to get up for the picture.

The "TAN" Family

Everything went off well but there are some unhappiness in between with one of the family. Simply just used to it. Cant be bother as most of us have the same goal.

Sunday, got up late again. Suppose to meeet Jean and Ping Qi at PWP at 10am but as we know we are always late. So 10am was there to help us get up early. Finally settle ourselves at Kallang Mac to mug. Still not done yet, but need to continue again. We ate alot today, from PWP to Kallang Mac and then Bedok 85.

Basically these are what had happen. I am just tired and sad these few days. Trying not to let these affect myself.

BLOGGED @12:03 AM

Sunday, May 24, 2009

I will update soon~
Felt tired and down recently~

BLOGGED @12:27 AM

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

My sister got a new hp after so long.
Her W850i really cannot make it anymore.
I felt sad for her for long that she got to endure with that old handphone.
But never get her a new one.
Not that I dont want to, just that the time knocking on me was at the wrong time.
She is holding a LG Prada 2 phone.
Can you imagine???
LG Prada 2 phone

I just want a iPhone.
Any kind soul so want to bless me with that??

Shuhui is leaving for Australia real soon.
Is like less than 3 weeks if I am not wrong.
I will really miss her alot.
(Shuhui, if you are reading this, please keep one room each for me and Si Ing, we will visit you once we finish our diploma)

Sometimes I just hate to stay at home.
The feeling of waking up and have to face that volcano is sucks.
My sister have been nagging at me to go find one job quick.
I wonder whats wrong of asking my sister to pack food for me on her way home.
I wonder whats wrong of my dad gives me money to see doctor when he knows I got no income coming in for 2months?
I wonder whats wrong to talk to my cousins next door?
I wonder whats wrong of going out with my uncles and aunties?
I wonder whats wrong of putting my stuffs in the fridge?
I wonder whats wrong to on the air-con when I am hot?

Are you nuts up there?
Afterall the fridge was purchase by my dad using his own money.
You can take away the control, my uncle is passing me one.
Please take it away if you feel like it, my uncles and aunties will come after you.

I got nothing against you at all.
I have forego my interview cause you told me that my sister forgot to bring the keys to school.
I have forego my studies few years back cause you said that Company is not doing well.
What else you want from me?
Everyone hates your behaviour.
Your childish act.
Please have a bigger hearts, that what we ask for.

BLOGGED @11:20 AM

Monday, May 18, 2009

Yes, I need to be faithful and start my intensive work up.
Cannot slack anymore.
Need to carry weight to firm my muscles.
I hate to see it flapping around like now~
I need to do more sit ups to burn my stomach fats.
I need to run, swim!!
I need to work up~

BLOGGED @2:54 AM

Friday went for second interview at Serangoon North Ave 5 at 3pm. Meet up Esther for lunch before heading down for interview. After interview, the rain super heavy, I got no choice to cab down to Esther place. Supposed to swim that day at Melvin's place but the rain doesnt want to stop, and decided to rain on us throughtout till 6pm. By then got to set off for cg. Melvin cg start at 7pm at Bishan and mine 815pm at Pasir Ris. We nuai and play games at his place. I watch them play instead as I am uber bad at games!!! I took Melvin's favourite home when return him on coming Friday when we plan the next swim again~

Halfway need to stop over at Popular to get some stuff for Vene. Mummy QQ came to fetch me, if not I will be uber late.

We played Personal Ads for cg games. It goes like these, everyone of us got to write our name on the post it note which is the sticky part in pencil. Then something about ourself on the other side in pen which the members dont know. We are divided into groups of 2. We got to paste on the other teams board. Then we have to match the ads with the names of the members. The group with the most number of correct match wins.

It was so funny!!! And no one believe that I am a big eater except for 3 who saw me eats alot.

A picture of the games below~

Back home and not long later head down to Jon's place to chat with him, at the same time pass him some food for super. Went back home at 6am~ Slept till 12.30pm and prepare to head down to Expo.

Need to reach early to pass Esther the jacket as that day duty attire is formal~

Finally counted down to 330pm!!! Meet up with AY, GG, Jas Tan with Vene. Yes, I am offically transferred. With the 3things that I promise and will be committed I have set myself a new goal. Will share when I have finalize it.

The service was great~ Many special items and lastly the presence was there. Jasmine Loo will be with us the last service, after that she will need to attend the Sunday Expo for 2weeks and will back to her own service. Yes and she can start to serve again by then.

I followed cg to Big Splash for May Babies B'day celebration. All of us are there except for 3 who really cant make it. We went to Vistro Bistro, the service was very bad and it took 1h30mins like that to serve all of our food. The live-band was great and I love it alot~ I will go back to chill but maybe not for dinner and its still depends too~

After dinner, some of them headed for movie at Kallang Leisure Park. I decided to go home and rest. Knock out when I got home~

Wake up rather late on Sunday, missed half of the service online. Prepare and head down to VivoCity to meet up with the girls. A nice and great catch up at Starbucks. Got another cup of free drinks again due to the staff prepare the wrong size of my drink.

Next we catch a movie "The Uninvited". It suppose to be scary but in the end, is ok~
Consider nice show. Alice got to rush off and myself I am meeting the Group 2 pals at City Hall. So we split after movie. We didnt manage to go Sentosa today but we will make it the next round. Nice to catch up with Alice and Ai Zhen. And glad to know Jessica too. The double "S" pangsei us this time with Mag. Next round all of us shall make it for the meet ups!!

Meet up with the Group 2 pals and after much wedges we finally settle ourselves at Just Noodles at Suntec. Have alot of funs and jokes and laughters. After dinner we headed home cos alot of calls are calling for us to go home.

BLOGGED @2:07 AM

Sunday, May 17, 2009

I am going to Sentosa soon~
Meeting up with the girls...
Is a long long time after we are meeting up!!!

BLOGGED @12:11 PM

Friday, May 15, 2009

I got head hunted...
Went down to meet up with the head hunter...
He will be arranging the interview for me...
Will be going for a 2nd interview later...
Plan to meet Esther up after that to go Melvin's place for a swim...
Is like finally after 2weeks planning I guess...

Lesson was ok today...
Was lost halfway...
PingQi pull me back when I am super lost...
Had return all my POA and Book Keeping skills back to the teachers years ago!!
I am sorry, I just cant remember...

Oh Ya, I saw Shukri at Pacific Coffee when I was meeting the head hunter...
Cookies and Cream was nice, credit to Shukri for the treats...
Will arrange a meet up soon...

Afterwhich meet up with Jane for dinner...
At the usual coffee shop eating the usual food...

After class, went Tiong Bahru MacDonald with PingQi for her dinner...
Had ice cream and we shared the nuggets...

Meet up Wah Keong and he send us home...
Thanks for the ride~

BLOGGED @12:58 AM

Thursday, May 14, 2009

To Serena Ng,

This songs is a new song from Hillsong.

BLOGGED @10:44 AM

Credits to June again~
After reading her post, and I start to pounder on the below:

The last time I checked on my list, I don't have anyone up on my hate list. Besides if I really hate you, I most probably had it settled with dear God so that it doesn't bug me like how it bug you.

So my bottom line is, I am all peace and all love for everyone. Just to set the record straight.

"If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other."
Mother Teresa

"An eye for eye only ends up making the whole world blind."
Mahatma Gandhi

"Forgive all who have offended you, not for them, but for yourself."
Harriet Nelson

I've got nothing against you, if I do have, I have already settle if with my dear God. I dont do vitual attacks, it takes alot of effort to do it. Someone do say and I am strongly agreed that it takes more effort to hate you then to love you. I rather spent those time on something else better and worth my paid price.

BLOGGED @10:26 AM

Great to receive the news...
I am happy and looking forward to this Saturday!!!

Finally, my prayers have been answered...

MJ, thanks for praying for me too~
Yes I know you will miss me...
But we can still meet up yea???

I have lost my sense of laughter and excitment...
But today, I have got them back~

Saturday, Saturday!!!
Fish & Co with CG to celebrate May's bday babies!!
K Box after dinner~

I will miss the fun at Singapore Flyers!!

BLOGGED @1:57 AM

I woke up quite early and late~
Haha, late to some of you all, early to me la!!
Wash up and waited for my sister to be back...
Went to have our lunch~
We had our main course of meal..
Then my sister wanted to eat Indian Rojak, so we shared in the end...

Chatted for awhile and then we headed to MacDonald for ice-cream...
Yeah, then we stroll back home!!!

We laugh, chat and jokes~

I shouldn't had left my laptop and msn on...
I was away for 2hrs and receive alot of msn notice of people looking for me~

Meet Yee at Lot 1 for dinner...
We went to buy some stuffs...
Yee is making Vege Salad..
I buy some Cornflakes for the next few days...

Finally collected my watch...
Sent it for repair sometimes ago!!!
Yippe~

I got 3 boxers~
Credit to Yee..
I will post the picture of the 3 up soon!!!
There were some hipcuts to make payment..
But is ok!!!

Headed home~
It was short meet up but yet a good one!!!

BLOGGED @1:32 AM

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Oh Yes, Yee want me to post this up...

One fine day at POD, I encounter one incident with a student...

Student: Can I have a Coke Float?
Me: Sorry, we run out of Coke and Root Beer this week, how about Coffee Float instead??
Student: No, I want Coke Float.
Me: Sorry, we really dont have Coke or Root Beer, Coffee can?
Student: I dont care, I want Coke means Coke. You have to get it for me.
Me: Mummy, Mummy, I need help please come.

Continue to prepare the ice creams for the other students that had placed.

Student: HEY WHERE IS MY COKE FLOAT???
Me: HEY I AM JUST STANDING IN FRONT OF YOU, DO YOU NEED TO SHOUT AT ME?? CANT YOU TALK NICELY?? ITE SO WHAT?? NEED TO SHOUT TO GET YOUR WAY OUT IS IT??
Student: Sorry, sorry sorry.
Me: I am from ITE as well, do you need to shout to get your way?? How many times you want me to tell you dont have Coke?
Student: Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Me: So what do you want for your order?
Student: Coke Float.
Me: I SAY NO COKE RIGHT???
Student: Sorry, sorry, sorry. Chocolate Ice Cream.
Me: Pay for your order already?
Student: Not yet.
Me: Please make your payment before you collect from me.
Student: Ok, ok, ok.

Mummy smile and say: hor hor!!!

Is funny but the kids are still great... Sometimes they just wanna be funny to make your day even brighter.... :)

BLOGGED @11:57 PM

You have been asking why I dont want to talk to you.
Here are the answer to your question.

Do you remember:
- the fun we used to have?
- the places that we go?
- the time we had?
- the sworrow we shared?
- the laughter we had?

Now, you are wondering where it had gone to right?

The answers are:
- You had took away my dreams.
- You had destroy the trust we had.
- You had build the walls in between us.
- You had cause me to lost hope on you.
- You had said things that are not done by me.

Do you remember you said these to me?

You said:
- You want me to leave you alone.
- You feel like shouting at me.
- You think that I am the only who have feelings.
- You feel that I have never thought of how you feel.
- You can never please me.

I do try to tell you face to face, but you are unable to accept it. You said that I am shouting to you. Well, everyone know me know my attitude and my true colours. I dont have to speak anything about you to them, you have nothing for me to say at all. I am not guilty of anything, if I do, I have already seek God for forgiveness. FYI, I am happy with what I have now, I will fulfil what you asked for, to leave you alone. Yes I am doing it now.

Oh ya, if you notice, I have remove the link of your blog, which means I cant be bothered of you at all. I went in to view your blog that time cause I have received a call and I just want to make sure the person who tag is not the one I dotes and treasure the most. Anyway, the person I dotes and treasure dont do viture attackes. You might have offence someone outisde.

I pray that you wont fall like a shooting star one day cause you shot up like one now!!

ps: I know you view my blog. Happy reading~

BLOGGED @2:33 AM

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

When I am thoroughly satiated, my eyes are glued shut and my heart stands still. On the highest step of consumption, of luxury and of wealth, I die as a "human beings".

BLOGGED @9:20 PM

Econs Lesson 2....
The chapters seems to be easy. Have to understand the concept of Law of Demand, Law of Supply and the graphs. Its bored and I had hard times during lesson, but still manage to wrote some notes to revise. Need to mug and mug for it. 2 more weeks and I will have my Econs Quiz. ARGH~

Thanks to Jane and Ping Qi, fed me with so many chocolates during lesson plus the 1000ml of Longan & Red Date drink. Haha, I ended up having gastric.

Wake up rather late today. Get my sister to buy food for me when she is on her way back home.

BLOGGED @6:18 PM

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Yes, My dad gave me $100 on Tuesday...
Is for me to see doctor and for me to buy food to eat...

BLOGGED @4:46 PM

I was down with flu, fever, sore throat and gastric from Sunday till Friday...
What a long recovery for me...
Everything was ok on Wednesday, but before bs, it come back again...
On my way home, everything back to normal...
Then Thursday, everything was ok when I meet Adrain and Grace...
After that on my way to POD, it comes back again...
I was like argh~
I still went for my class as usual...
I got no choice as the lecturer is teaching 1 chapter per lesson...
If I miss one lesson, I will miss one chapter and which I will have to mug uber hard for it...
Thank God that Friday I am much much much better....

I meet up with my sister's friend Xin Ning at SP to buy my textbook for FA1...
Afterwhich we head down to Clemeti for Botak Jones...
Hey, we shared the food...
Then meet Shing to head over to Somerset....
Meet up with Robin and Peiling and headed for CG...

Everything was great~
The CG, the catching up...
Hey, my CG is not that bad ok??
We had another mini short concert again~
Not forgetting Jo's green bean soup...

The journey back home was fun...

Yesterday I headed down to Bedok to meet the girl to collect my Econs book...
Then had my lunch at Princess Mac as MJ and YR wanna study...
My bag is uber heavy lor...

MJ and YR will understand as my Econs book is uber thick...
Saw Kelvin at Expo MRT, collected the Dictionery that my sister want to borrow from him...

We head to Hall 8 asap as me and MJ are late for duty...
Served AA01...
All of us headed down to T3 for dinner...
We had our dinner at HK cafe..
Me & Jasjasjas ordered the same food again...

Bus home with YiDa and Nana...

BLOGGED @2:49 PM

Saturday, May 09, 2009

"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked."
Bernard Meltzer

You know who you are, thank you for seeing me as a good egg :)
Credit to June for the above....

BLOGGED @10:54 AM

Yeah, its weekend!!!
AND IS PARTY TIME!!!

I am lazy to post the updates...
Reason being, my right hand is injured again...
Is just sudden pain when I woke up on Thursday...

I will visit the Chinese Physician on Sunday morning...

Is Mothers' Day...
I dont really like to celebrate Mothers' Day...
Those closer to me will know why...

But I still want to wish my God-mama: "Happy Mothers' Day"

BLOGGED @2:16 AM

Friday, May 08, 2009

** The UFGs with CassMan action**

** Everyone simply loves this piece..**

** The fun that we had with missing many more~**

** The friends that came to visit us from Finland!!!**

**The FEMALE powers of that night-out...**

**Be a STAR that shine~**

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