Sunday, 9 October 2011
Friday, 7 October 2011
sometimes at the end of the day, you just what to give a sigh of relief. "give".. that doesn't sound like the right word.
and yet, it's not with the sense of accomplishment I say this. Relieved that the day is over. That tomorrow I can accomplish less things, and be comfortable about it.
I question, at the end of the day, how do I gauge my accomplishments? Where, or in what do I find my fulfillment daily?
I know the right answer, no, I don't actually KNOW the right answer. but i thought i knew. How pride can cloud one's sight. Repenting for knowing that life is more than what's right in front of me, but living and thinking as if it is. (Daily, this I must)
A sigh of relief, that in the cross, in Christ's propitiating work I trust. Completed, done.
-long tiring day, of nil accomplishment.
and yet, it's not with the sense of accomplishment I say this. Relieved that the day is over. That tomorrow I can accomplish less things, and be comfortable about it.
I question, at the end of the day, how do I gauge my accomplishments? Where, or in what do I find my fulfillment daily?
I know the right answer, no, I don't actually KNOW the right answer. but i thought i knew. How pride can cloud one's sight. Repenting for knowing that life is more than what's right in front of me, but living and thinking as if it is. (Daily, this I must)
A sigh of relief, that in the cross, in Christ's propitiating work I trust. Completed, done.
-long tiring day, of nil accomplishment.
Tuesday, 6 September 2011
negative? affirmative.
Mou sai lui ahh!! Have u ever had negative amounts in your bank? Ladies and gentlemen, after the previous lot of rent, I've joined the "use credit card to survive" people. Though I am hoping this is only for a time only, I never wished to cut it this close.
And people wonder why I eat tuna sandwiches sometimes. Its not thrift, no. When you have none, you live with none. Its times of guilt that allow me to eat these things. haha. Come mid-late sept, I should be cleared.
And i am thankful for this. This is training. In Malaysia, you wont receive such training because nasi lemak can be RM1, or at medan, RM3.50 for kickass nasi lemak (I am going back there to eat it end of the year, anybody wanna come? :p)
My $ planning didnt work out too well this year. Mainly because of this new place being too expensive to sustain with my allotted allowance. Or because of meals out? (i actually hardly eat out except for sundays) extra car expenses + increased rent really got me in the kidneys. the conferences+camp+trip also helped chip away at my moolah.
But these kind of things should be no biggie. Backup; temporarily borrow from housemate lor (until my next allowance) Last resort, call parents. They'd be more than okay to give me some $$ if i tell them i have none.
Also, am wondering if i should share room next year.
And people wonder why i never tried Makoto after 4 years of being in sydney (Not that ive not had expensive meals), or why I don't go to watch more concerts/performances; i would absolutely love to (though no one I REALLY wanted to see).
Well, for those who say no money to eat dinner on Sunday (not that any of them reads this), to me that's such a laughable excuse, unless you really have zilch.
its late. im so sleepy. and so hungry. time for some snack bars.
And people wonder why I eat tuna sandwiches sometimes. Its not thrift, no. When you have none, you live with none. Its times of guilt that allow me to eat these things. haha. Come mid-late sept, I should be cleared.
And i am thankful for this. This is training. In Malaysia, you wont receive such training because nasi lemak can be RM1, or at medan, RM3.50 for kickass nasi lemak (I am going back there to eat it end of the year, anybody wanna come? :p)
My $ planning didnt work out too well this year. Mainly because of this new place being too expensive to sustain with my allotted allowance. Or because of meals out? (i actually hardly eat out except for sundays) extra car expenses + increased rent really got me in the kidneys. the conferences+camp+trip also helped chip away at my moolah.
But these kind of things should be no biggie. Backup; temporarily borrow from housemate lor (until my next allowance) Last resort, call parents. They'd be more than okay to give me some $$ if i tell them i have none.
Also, am wondering if i should share room next year.
And people wonder why i never tried Makoto after 4 years of being in sydney (Not that ive not had expensive meals), or why I don't go to watch more concerts/performances; i would absolutely love to (though no one I REALLY wanted to see).
Well, for those who say no money to eat dinner on Sunday (not that any of them reads this), to me that's such a laughable excuse, unless you really have zilch.
its late. im so sleepy. and so hungry. time for some snack bars.
Wednesday, 10 August 2011
What's wrong with the world today?
Cameron also claimed the riots showed there was something seriously wrong with society. "There are pockets of our society that are not just broken, but frankly sick," he said.
We shouldnt be surprised at what happened. To say they don't know why it happened? pftt.
"When we see children as young as 12 and 13 looting and laughing, when we see the disgusting sight of a young man with people pretending to help him while they are robbing him, it is clear that there are things badly wrong with our society."
Cameron he believed the problem was a "complete lack of responsibility".
"People allowed to feel that the world owes them something, that their rights outweigh their responsibilities, and their actions do not have consequences. Well, they do have consequences.
"We need to have a clearer code of values and standards that we expect people to live by and stronger penalties if they cross the line."
http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2011/aug/10/david-cameron-water-cannon-police-riotsAh the UK riots. Were you not shocked by this? Appalled? Should we be surprised by this?
From teenagers as young as 10. Some people who tried to protect their shops from being looted or their houses from being trashed got killed. Why would normal "good" citizents who would not even consider stealing normally, go so far as to "just trash the place" of other civilians? (to the extent of killing them, accidentally or otherwise)
The riots were triggered by the apparent shooting of a civilian by a cop. Yet the outbreak rage riots weren't really directed at the government or the cops. It was just people pillaging to their hearts content. News writers still tried their very best to shine a good light to these rioters/looters. What I read were to the effect of:
- why would someone steal bottles of water? we may never know why.
- was it just lashing out for fun? Psychologists say that stealing is a very "in the heat of the moment" kinda thing
- we dont and may never understand why they did what they did.
- the person who is suspected to have been related to the murder had past criminal records.
There was 1 news article focusing on 3 people, a highschool teacher, a social worker and an 11 year old kid, stealing bottled water, make up and ...something i cant remember.
What of the other thousands? On youtube, I see heaps of people looting electronics. They weren't remorseful. They were rude. Teenagers looting PS3s and Nintendo DSes. (Thats why many electronic stores/designer brands were hit, not little sundry shops)
But news are either saying
1. that these people are "innately good", but it was just external pressure, the heat of the moment.
2. these people are bad, BUT there are many of the _____ (insert city) people are against this, backing up the police in whichever way we can.
1 says they are actually good. 2 says, a large majority of population is still good, these a few small pockets of baddies.
I chose the article above because its what the current prime minister of the UK (Cameron) thinks.
"Cameron he believed the problem was a "complete lack of responsibility.... People are allowed to feel that ...t
heir actions do not have consequences. Well, they do have consequences"
Those who are apparently on the side of the cops, being completely against this, I wonder if they had restrictions suddenly lifted like these kids had, would they also be looting at their workplace. If as a banker, transferring $1000 from a $100 million account wouldnt get you caught, then why not? "Nobody would get hurt. The value is insignificant. Like dropping a 1c coin", one would justify. But what's stopping them is the reality that there IS the law, the fear of being caught or losing their job or losing their position/pride/face.
Without that, I'd bet they would.
Here is some stats to illustrate the relativism of morality/rightness and wrongness, something closer to home.
Is premarital sex wrong?
We live in a society where we think porn is good & healthy/normal. We are very much normalized to it. I'm living in this day and age, and in sydney..I myself can testify to this. Its laughable and outdated to think otherwise (ie. Porn/Sex outside of marriage is bad). Its only been about 50 years and peoples opinions have changed so much. I'm not saying that people weren't as rotten 50 years ago and we're suddenly terrible now. I'm saying we are as rotten as we were 50 years ago, we're just getting better at covering up as a society..
11 there is no one who understands;
there is no one who seeks God.
12 All have turned away.....
-1965 men 65%, woman 69% thought that premarital sex is wrong.
-1990 men 6%, woman 6% thought so
Bits of Romans 3, speaking of humanity (from the bible)
“There is no one righteous, not even one;11 there is no one who understands;
there is no one who seeks God.
12 All have turned away.....
18“There is no fear of God before their eyes."
Chesterton's writings consistently displayed wit and a sense of humour. He employed paradox, while making serious comments on the world, government, politics, economics, philosophy, theology and many other topics.
When The Times invited several eminent authors to write essays on the theme "What's Wrong with the World?" Chesterton's contribution took the form of a letter:
Dear Sirs,
I am.
Sincerely yours, G. K. Chesterton
Chesterton here combined wit with a serious point – that of fallen human nature.
Do you agree with GK Chesterton? That you are the problem?
Tuesday, 9 August 2011
haha
Funny.
Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don’t take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four:
I’m sure you’ve been told that in today’s world, sex without utilizing a “Barrier method” of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrrier, and I will kill you.
taken from:
http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/thabitianyabwile/2010/09/27/daddys-rules-for-dating-his-daughters/?comments#comments
Monday, 8 August 2011
Friday, 5 August 2011
Life and death
Life
Its been a crazy hectic week. And an even crazier day.
I think its time to return to my therapy. This week, ive had the usual full on, morning till evening classes. That shouldn't bother me that much. But on tuesday, i had to stay at the delivery suite to see birthings. And that stretched on till 11.30+pm. By the time i got home it was midnight.
But babies are little miracles, seriously. First of all, how does that *points to fetus*, come out of that? *points at that* Mind you, the cervix in a nonpreggers is smaller than the size of a cotton bud tip. Secondly, it doesnt look very alive when i comes out, in fact, a little like a blue alien with a slightly elongated head. There's gunk all over it. But that 'it' is actually a 'he/she'. Eventually, that alien will adapt to its environment, give out a clarion call commanding the air to enter its body, and it slowly becomes human. Within a short time, its that cute quiet thing sleeping in the cradle, with 2 very happy parents. 1 thinking "awww.. im taking more pictures", and the other, probably thinking "im never doing this again". Ill let you decide who's who.
Though the first birth is always different. I could tell, first time parents from experienced onces. They are less fidgety and mostly unphased by whats going on to their beloved other half..
That, and 1 parent tried to make me their first child's God father. That was seriously shocking. I immediately declined saying they should get someone closer. They said they had no family in australia, and I was very nice. So they requested again, and i kindly declined. "what? nonono *nervously*"
Speaking of shocking, i did something really funny today. It was more shocking for the other person. haha.. I think it must be because I was really tired physically, and drained mentally, that everything just ended up becoming something bizzare.. and that was retrospectively...ridiculous? I just dont know what to make of it. Ill spare you the details. haha.
Today i lied down after coming home at 5, and thought of resting. But 2 things kept popping in my head. Placenta previa/acreta and Biblical Theology. It really was frustrating, when i was trying to rest. My mind was all mucked up. Imagine several bullet trains running through a bright bustling city at night. Felt weird.
Wait, i still havent told you why i was so busy. It was because of the classes PLUS the fact that i had to put in much time to prepare a bible study on biblical theology (BT), and then comes the other miscellaneous stuff. Ill write up about BT one day, when i finally understand it better. In the end, it has been one of the most productive week ive had in a long time. Maybe my life is gonna be as busy as this from now on. Im sad. But im happy.
I know, in all things, God is sovereign.
Death
Ya know, everybody loves life, the birth of a new one. Society talk about living life to the fullest. Living a good life. But nobody talks about dying the good death. No. Nobody wants to talk about death. It is as if, in this age, it is a subject of taboo. "Choi" would usually follow after death is mentioned. Why is it that the one of the most sure realities of life is avoided to such extent?
Did you know that in a normal delivery, 90% of the babies will live.
And 100% of them will die (of postpartum complications at worst, and old age, at best).
They MAY most likely live, but they will surely die. Now, nothing sounds more morbid than that hey? But after going through a term in cancer, and then now a term in obstetrics, I cant help but think that life really amazing. (I couldn't help but think "wow, i cant believe that head sticking out of her bottom is life! How surreal!") At the same time, I noticed two responses of those who creep near the gates of the afterlife. (Sounds better? Euphemism for death are a plenty)
1. fight it all to my dying last breath!
2. give in, it is part of life.
Those who subscribe to no.1 will abstain from all pleasures of life and take MAXIMUM therapy, max chemo dose, new drug trials. Anything.
And it is either a triumphant victory, or a sobering reality. Yet the triumph is transient. One can never truly triumph over death.
no.2. Some just rest it away. Some take their time to say their goodbyes, or do the things they wanted to do. Like travel Europe for the next 2 months before they become too sick to do even that.
Now back to those of no.1 who has to face sobering reality. When you know you have done every possible thing and there is no hope left. The tunnel, sadly, has no light at the end. What goes through their mind at this time? Is it now that they would reflect on their life?
Similarly in cases of "2", is it then that they still think of "how to live a good life, whatever that's left of it?"
Some do? most do? I cant be sure. But I reckon i'd be wiser to think of how do die a good death. We, the progressive creatures that we are, were always taught to look to the future. But when there is seemingly no future, we look longingly into the past. Why? i reckon because the future now scares us.
Do we fear death?
Many who are in "2" say they are ok with death. Also those who are in the last stages of "1". Nobody admits fear. But they've spent their whole lives fearing and avoiding it (or thoughts of it).
Do we fear death?
Nope! not us youngins (young ones, country slang). We are immortal. We are invincible. At least we live like we are. Death? i'm 23! *laughs*
Like the triumph of the "1"s, our immortality is but a joke. Kind of like defensive humour. People love to make jokes about death, because it deflects the seriousness of it away. I'd like to see those jokes in a place where death is present. I think i am just thankful to not have seen a baby delivery go wrong and died. Because the anticipation and excitement of those parents tells you that they are not ready for such news. (One had a FB account for their unborn kid). Say that happens. Deflect that.
Let me illustrate 1 more time how man thinks.
*Person 1 gets sick*
Person 1: Some medicine will fix this. How far medical science has developed. More and more diseases will be a cure, and finally even for HIV and cancer. Its just a matter of time before we find the answer.
Never this: "I'm sick. Does this show human fragility?"
Silly humans. The very fact we are alive, is why we know the certainty of our death.
May it all come slowly for all of us, and for the sudden ones; may you find the right answer to my question below before then.
Question: "What is your only comfort in life and death?"
Its been a crazy hectic week. And an even crazier day.
I think its time to return to my therapy. This week, ive had the usual full on, morning till evening classes. That shouldn't bother me that much. But on tuesday, i had to stay at the delivery suite to see birthings. And that stretched on till 11.30+pm. By the time i got home it was midnight.
But babies are little miracles, seriously. First of all, how does that *points to fetus*, come out of that? *points at that* Mind you, the cervix in a nonpreggers is smaller than the size of a cotton bud tip. Secondly, it doesnt look very alive when i comes out, in fact, a little like a blue alien with a slightly elongated head. There's gunk all over it. But that 'it' is actually a 'he/she'. Eventually, that alien will adapt to its environment, give out a clarion call commanding the air to enter its body, and it slowly becomes human. Within a short time, its that cute quiet thing sleeping in the cradle, with 2 very happy parents. 1 thinking "awww.. im taking more pictures", and the other, probably thinking "im never doing this again". Ill let you decide who's who.
Though the first birth is always different. I could tell, first time parents from experienced onces. They are less fidgety and mostly unphased by whats going on to their beloved other half..
That, and 1 parent tried to make me their first child's God father. That was seriously shocking. I immediately declined saying they should get someone closer. They said they had no family in australia, and I was very nice. So they requested again, and i kindly declined. "what? nonono *nervously*"
Speaking of shocking, i did something really funny today. It was more shocking for the other person. haha.. I think it must be because I was really tired physically, and drained mentally, that everything just ended up becoming something bizzare.. and that was retrospectively...ridiculous? I just dont know what to make of it. Ill spare you the details. haha.
Today i lied down after coming home at 5, and thought of resting. But 2 things kept popping in my head. Placenta previa/acreta and Biblical Theology. It really was frustrating, when i was trying to rest. My mind was all mucked up. Imagine several bullet trains running through a bright bustling city at night. Felt weird.
Wait, i still havent told you why i was so busy. It was because of the classes PLUS the fact that i had to put in much time to prepare a bible study on biblical theology (BT), and then comes the other miscellaneous stuff. Ill write up about BT one day, when i finally understand it better. In the end, it has been one of the most productive week ive had in a long time. Maybe my life is gonna be as busy as this from now on. Im sad. But im happy.
I know, in all things, God is sovereign.
Death
Ya know, everybody loves life, the birth of a new one. Society talk about living life to the fullest. Living a good life. But nobody talks about dying the good death. No. Nobody wants to talk about death. It is as if, in this age, it is a subject of taboo. "Choi" would usually follow after death is mentioned. Why is it that the one of the most sure realities of life is avoided to such extent?
Did you know that in a normal delivery, 90% of the babies will live.
And 100% of them will die (of postpartum complications at worst, and old age, at best).
They MAY most likely live, but they will surely die. Now, nothing sounds more morbid than that hey? But after going through a term in cancer, and then now a term in obstetrics, I cant help but think that life really amazing. (I couldn't help but think "wow, i cant believe that head sticking out of her bottom is life! How surreal!") At the same time, I noticed two responses of those who creep near the gates of the afterlife. (Sounds better? Euphemism for death are a plenty)
1. fight it all to my dying last breath!
2. give in, it is part of life.
Those who subscribe to no.1 will abstain from all pleasures of life and take MAXIMUM therapy, max chemo dose, new drug trials. Anything.
And it is either a triumphant victory, or a sobering reality. Yet the triumph is transient. One can never truly triumph over death.
no.2. Some just rest it away. Some take their time to say their goodbyes, or do the things they wanted to do. Like travel Europe for the next 2 months before they become too sick to do even that.
Now back to those of no.1 who has to face sobering reality. When you know you have done every possible thing and there is no hope left. The tunnel, sadly, has no light at the end. What goes through their mind at this time? Is it now that they would reflect on their life?
Similarly in cases of "2", is it then that they still think of "how to live a good life, whatever that's left of it?"
Some do? most do? I cant be sure. But I reckon i'd be wiser to think of how do die a good death. We, the progressive creatures that we are, were always taught to look to the future. But when there is seemingly no future, we look longingly into the past. Why? i reckon because the future now scares us.
Do we fear death?
Many who are in "2" say they are ok with death. Also those who are in the last stages of "1". Nobody admits fear. But they've spent their whole lives fearing and avoiding it (or thoughts of it).
Do we fear death?
Nope! not us youngins (young ones, country slang). We are immortal. We are invincible. At least we live like we are. Death? i'm 23! *laughs*
Like the triumph of the "1"s, our immortality is but a joke. Kind of like defensive humour. People love to make jokes about death, because it deflects the seriousness of it away. I'd like to see those jokes in a place where death is present. I think i am just thankful to not have seen a baby delivery go wrong and died. Because the anticipation and excitement of those parents tells you that they are not ready for such news. (One had a FB account for their unborn kid). Say that happens. Deflect that.
Let me illustrate 1 more time how man thinks.
*Person 1 gets sick*
Person 1: Some medicine will fix this. How far medical science has developed. More and more diseases will be a cure, and finally even for HIV and cancer. Its just a matter of time before we find the answer.
Never this: "I'm sick. Does this show human fragility?"
Silly humans. The very fact we are alive, is why we know the certainty of our death.
May it all come slowly for all of us, and for the sudden ones; may you find the right answer to my question below before then.
Question: "What is your only comfort in life and death?"
Wednesday, 3 August 2011
i followed rafiki
Everytime i direct someone somewhere, i have the urge to say "you follow rafiki, he knows da way" (WITH the accent), but i soon found out many haven't actually watched Lion King. How they are missing out.
I was just scrolling through older post, mainly to look for the one i wished case in. And i found out, my post used to be a lot more funny and shameless. Its like i was always slightly high as I wrote them. I amused even myself. what nonsense was/am i writing? haha
Pre-exam stress post from '08
screwed
eat some pods and drink some juice
find the butcher and kill the goose.
slap your face with a rotten trout
until u wish ud rather had gout.
roses are red, voilets are blue?
Asians are redder, and mountains are blue!
tickle your toes and touch your nose?
u dirty little fiend, ill choke you with a hose!
michael! study, says dear mommy.
he'd rather clean his room and fill his tummy.
which he did.
find the butcher and kill the goose.
slap your face with a rotten trout
until u wish ud rather had gout.
roses are red, voilets are blue?
Asians are redder, and mountains are blue!
tickle your toes and touch your nose?
u dirty little fiend, ill choke you with a hose!
michael! study, says dear mommy.
he'd rather clean his room and fill his tummy.
which he did.
Wow, my friends are even funnier than I :\
"Anyhow, I enjoy reading your incredibly random/amusing posts. And thanks for clarifying that you don't shoot up before writing these posts.. I had a pretty strong suspicion :P"Monday, 1 August 2011
music
I haven't been listening to many new songs. but resent youtube searching has lead me to these three songs. current top 3 fav.
Friday, 24 June 2011
hari yang sedih
kan dah kata, kalo ade kemalangan, takkanlah takde paper. lagi teruk drpd kmalangan no.1.
dah bagitau die... I rasa sedih, sbb kereta rosak, dan sedih krn die kena bayar. entah lah.. hari yang muram sungguh.. dah lah semalan tidur 2-3 jam saje (tapi tak tido dlm kelas pon!)
alignment sudah out
dah bagitau die... I rasa sedih, sbb kereta rosak, dan sedih krn die kena bayar. entah lah.. hari yang muram sungguh.. dah lah semalan tidur 2-3 jam saje (tapi tak tido dlm kelas pon!)
retak.. :(
alignment sudah outThursday, 23 June 2011
dua dua, bukan "gua"
kereta aku sudah terbabit dlm dua kemalangan, dan dua-dua pun bukan aku yang pandu.
Kemalangan 1, kawan aku gostan terus ke keretaku. Berlambak ruang kat kedua2 tepi, tapi kawan tu tak beri perhatian. Entahlah.. itu pun agak sedih kerana tak dapat baiki 100%. Lagipun hari tu I parking kejap je, untuk tukar baju- tak sampai 5 minit. malang siot -_-
kemalangan 2, saya tak tengok lagi, tapi die kata kerata I takde paper. Bila parking, dia gostan kena kereta orang lain. Saya dah rasa sedikit tak selesa untuk beri orang yang belum ada lesen memandu untuk memandu kereta I, tapi semua orang kena belajar. Die kata nak latih sebelum ujian dia.. Saya rasa nak duduk dalam kereta dengan die, baru lega hati, tapi ada assignment kena buat. Rakan die yang konon-nya tau memandu, tapi saya kurang percaya padanya. Biasalah bagi I, kalau tak pernah duduk kereta orang tu, memang tak percaya 100% akan panduannya. Entahlah, tapi benda2 tentang kereta, saya akan rasa sedih. sebab I tau (rasa2) kalau I pandu, % menyebabkan kemalangan kuranglah drpd org2 lain. mungkin ini suatu benda yang kena ubah.. I rasa susah mau jual kereta yang nampak macam sudah kena hentam.
walaubagaimanapun, (<-- lol) esok baru aku gi check macam mana kondisi kerataku... harap2 betul2 takde paper lah..
bm I memang teruk gila.. hahaha.. harap kamu semua are entertained. hahaha..
aih, malam ni takyah tido. kena buat kerja merepek ni. esok kena siap.
Entah knape agak stoic sejak kebelakangan ni. rasa macam....
ps - baru perasan i tulis dlm profile " Ive had 83rd battles"... bila baca tu, rasa skarang macam dah tua.. tengok blog ni pon rasa mcm malu skit.. haha.. tapi takpe lah, I tau diri sendiri cukup :p
Kemalangan 1, kawan aku gostan terus ke keretaku. Berlambak ruang kat kedua2 tepi, tapi kawan tu tak beri perhatian. Entahlah.. itu pun agak sedih kerana tak dapat baiki 100%. Lagipun hari tu I parking kejap je, untuk tukar baju- tak sampai 5 minit. malang siot -_-
kemalangan 2, saya tak tengok lagi, tapi die kata kerata I takde paper. Bila parking, dia gostan kena kereta orang lain. Saya dah rasa sedikit tak selesa untuk beri orang yang belum ada lesen memandu untuk memandu kereta I, tapi semua orang kena belajar. Die kata nak latih sebelum ujian dia.. Saya rasa nak duduk dalam kereta dengan die, baru lega hati, tapi ada assignment kena buat. Rakan die yang konon-nya tau memandu, tapi saya kurang percaya padanya. Biasalah bagi I, kalau tak pernah duduk kereta orang tu, memang tak percaya 100% akan panduannya. Entahlah, tapi benda2 tentang kereta, saya akan rasa sedih. sebab I tau (rasa2) kalau I pandu, % menyebabkan kemalangan kuranglah drpd org2 lain. mungkin ini suatu benda yang kena ubah.. I rasa susah mau jual kereta yang nampak macam sudah kena hentam.
walaubagaimanapun, (<-- lol) esok baru aku gi check macam mana kondisi kerataku... harap2 betul2 takde paper lah..
bm I memang teruk gila.. hahaha.. harap kamu semua are entertained. hahaha..
aih, malam ni takyah tido. kena buat kerja merepek ni. esok kena siap.
Entah knape agak stoic sejak kebelakangan ni. rasa macam....
ps - baru perasan i tulis dlm profile " Ive had 83rd battles"... bila baca tu, rasa skarang macam dah tua.. tengok blog ni pon rasa mcm malu skit.. haha.. tapi takpe lah, I tau diri sendiri cukup :p
Sunday, 3 April 2011
miscalculation
When I first came, being the thrifty person that I was, i calculated every single thing and typed it up in a spreadsheet. But being lazy, this only lasted about 3 months.
After that, i just did the thrifty thing in my head.
This only lasted 1 year.
Then i started spending more freely.
Then i move out to a more expensive accommodation.
Today, I was doing some much overdue calculation of funds.
What i discovered was really shocking.
If it were not for me saving up so much in my 1st and 2nd year, i would NOT have survived 3rd year (the year in which i did no calculation).
What birthed all these was that, I was trying to decide how much i could tithe consistently, and whether I would be able to give to 2 churches at 1 go.
I realised that I dont have enough to survive the year.
Either that or my extra expenses have to be no more than AUD1032 for the entire year.
By extra expenses, i mean anything outside of fixed monthly certainties (Rent, Utilities, Handphone, household, petrol, tithes).
Extra expenses including things like my own groceries, eating out, hair cuts, shampoo, etc..
100 per month for those? not possible. not unless i eat drumsticks and rice every dinner and sandwich every lunch. And not buy...well, anything else.
Dont talk about buying my own air ticket this year, dont even have enough for even my own expenses.
I cant believe moved out to this new place without calculating the consequences, LITERALLY calculating!
shit. well, either i call in the cavalries, ie. mom and dad, or I somehow continue chipping away at my savings from 1st and 2nd year until the well is dry.
NOW im considering moving out. before this i was so adamant about NOT moving out when someone asked. its funny how money drives people, or lack of.
2 bird, 1 stone.
Those who know my strict Rm3.50-Rm4 nasi lemak/day, 0 cups of soya bean in 1.5 years regime would know, this is quite distressing to me. sigh. I only have myself to blame for not calculating sooner. what have I done?!! :(
After that, i just did the thrifty thing in my head.
This only lasted 1 year.
Then i started spending more freely.
Then i move out to a more expensive accommodation.
Today, I was doing some much overdue calculation of funds.
What i discovered was really shocking.
If it were not for me saving up so much in my 1st and 2nd year, i would NOT have survived 3rd year (the year in which i did no calculation).
What birthed all these was that, I was trying to decide how much i could tithe consistently, and whether I would be able to give to 2 churches at 1 go.
I realised that I dont have enough to survive the year.
Either that or my extra expenses have to be no more than AUD1032 for the entire year.
By extra expenses, i mean anything outside of fixed monthly certainties (Rent, Utilities, Handphone, household, petrol, tithes).
Extra expenses including things like my own groceries, eating out, hair cuts, shampoo, etc..
100 per month for those? not possible. not unless i eat drumsticks and rice every dinner and sandwich every lunch. And not buy...well, anything else.
Dont talk about buying my own air ticket this year, dont even have enough for even my own expenses.
I cant believe moved out to this new place without calculating the consequences, LITERALLY calculating!
shit. well, either i call in the cavalries, ie. mom and dad, or I somehow continue chipping away at my savings from 1st and 2nd year until the well is dry.
NOW im considering moving out. before this i was so adamant about NOT moving out when someone asked. its funny how money drives people, or lack of.
2 bird, 1 stone.
Those who know my strict Rm3.50-Rm4 nasi lemak/day, 0 cups of soya bean in 1.5 years regime would know, this is quite distressing to me. sigh. I only have myself to blame for not calculating sooner. what have I done?!! :(
Sunday, 20 March 2011
I saw someone getting told he had metastatic cancer, and that it wasnt curable (but can be treated to prolong life)
I saw the family, 3 generations present. Tight family, he was the only guy in the family. old guy. I suspect the father of his grandchild divorced or died, or the grandchild born out of wedlock.
They had contorted upset expressions, trying to hold in their tears. They were in the room crying. The doctor left to consult someone..and there I was....I wanted to leave too.
I learned something about myself that day, or reminded.
The way I cope with things is by escaping. Usually in the mind, but sometimes physically.
Another word for 'escaping' is 'running away'.
I saw the family, 3 generations present. Tight family, he was the only guy in the family. old guy. I suspect the father of his grandchild divorced or died, or the grandchild born out of wedlock.
They had contorted upset expressions, trying to hold in their tears. They were in the room crying. The doctor left to consult someone..and there I was....I wanted to leave too.
I learned something about myself that day, or reminded.
The way I cope with things is by escaping. Usually in the mind, but sometimes physically.
Another word for 'escaping' is 'running away'.
Friday, 11 March 2011
I feel my insides churning, both mind and body exhausted. this uncomfortable feeling is liken to one of break ups... The unsettling feeling of knowing its over, before its over. Its your mind preemptively preparing you for some things.
I cant help but feel like a selfish comfort worshiping person. Its funny how I can make a decision that is in the distant future which will seemingly be even more difficult than this... but then at this, ARGH. Am I deluded?
Its so much easier just not to be put in this position in the 1st place. And from the get go, i never felt I was up for it... but my prideful self also thought "im not that bad lah.. can make it"
WTH MANNNNNNNNNNNN! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.. frustrated with the situation..
ignorance IS bliss, but ignorance is the suppression of truth.
I cant help but feel like a selfish comfort worshiping person. Its funny how I can make a decision that is in the distant future which will seemingly be even more difficult than this... but then at this, ARGH. Am I deluded?
Its so much easier just not to be put in this position in the 1st place. And from the get go, i never felt I was up for it... but my prideful self also thought "im not that bad lah.. can make it"
WTH MANNNNNNNNNNNN! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.. frustrated with the situation..
ignorance IS bliss, but ignorance is the suppression of truth.
Thursday, 3 March 2011
Saturday, 19 February 2011
ARGH!!!! CURSE OF THE ACCIDENT.
I just backed up into an immobile car which I PARKED IN FRONT OF. i looked at my rear mirror and didnt see it!! (because my car is quite high....and i didnt look properly i guess). I reversed HARD and the sound "BOP".. I thought to myself, "what.. it cant be that I hit the tree, i reverse straight back (there was a tree at the back-right of my car). I got down and saw the car, and felt my heart sink. I drove my car home, half hoping to just ignore it; coz at 2am, nobody was there, and i bet the guy wouldnt be able to track me down once I go back to sydney and that my car will be sold off. lol.
but that is terribly evil, and I wouldnt want that to happen to me. So i left a note with my contact ( actually my dad's number, coz im flying off tmrw. haha).
As far as im concern, this stupid dent will cost less than RM100 to fix, esp if they just knock it back. However, i'm just afraid this guy takes this opportunity to replace the whole bonnet AND/OR repair the other damages of his car.
So i took some pictures of the damage as well as other damages on the car's body that WAS NOT caused by me.
What can I say, im 2 for 3. Last summer when I came back, my car skidded in the rain (I was driving at like 40-50km/h only) and i poked a car and the bumper got slightly damaged. That was out of my control, but that still ran me nearly RM200 to replace a NEW bumper (coz just fixing it wouldnt do, esp when someone else is paying).
anyway, enough rant. im upset, but its just RM200 tops. i shouldnt be too upset.
flying back tmrw, havent packed bcoz was chatting into the night.
sigh.
edit: mistake, it was early 2009 that my car skidded..
I just backed up into an immobile car which I PARKED IN FRONT OF. i looked at my rear mirror and didnt see it!! (because my car is quite high....and i didnt look properly i guess). I reversed HARD and the sound "BOP".. I thought to myself, "what.. it cant be that I hit the tree, i reverse straight back (there was a tree at the back-right of my car). I got down and saw the car, and felt my heart sink. I drove my car home, half hoping to just ignore it; coz at 2am, nobody was there, and i bet the guy wouldnt be able to track me down once I go back to sydney and that my car will be sold off. lol.
but that is terribly evil, and I wouldnt want that to happen to me. So i left a note with my contact ( actually my dad's number, coz im flying off tmrw. haha).
As far as im concern, this stupid dent will cost less than RM100 to fix, esp if they just knock it back. However, i'm just afraid this guy takes this opportunity to replace the whole bonnet AND/OR repair the other damages of his car.
So i took some pictures of the damage as well as other damages on the car's body that WAS NOT caused by me.
What can I say, im 2 for 3. Last summer when I came back, my car skidded in the rain (I was driving at like 40-50km/h only) and i poked a car and the bumper got slightly damaged. That was out of my control, but that still ran me nearly RM200 to replace a NEW bumper (coz just fixing it wouldnt do, esp when someone else is paying).
anyway, enough rant. im upset, but its just RM200 tops. i shouldnt be too upset.
flying back tmrw, havent packed bcoz was chatting into the night.
sigh.
edit: mistake, it was early 2009 that my car skidded..
Sunday, 30 January 2011
Babels and Babylons
Just spent about 3 hours reading stuff by atheist and about atheism. Also spent about 2 hours conversing with one. Lack of sleep not contributing positively to my sick health at all :\
Babels and Babylons, He brings low.
Babels and Babylons, He brings low.
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