Ah, yes it's definitely Christmas time. The most magical time of the year where ripping people off and driving like Jesus is coming to town is seen as "Jolly" and "Festive" and my favorite "Merry." I don't think I've seen so many people act like a pack of psychotic backstabbing children during any other time of the year than this one. I see people cut off others driving and in long shopping lines. I see people actually physically playing tug-o-war over a gift. I think the best is when people speak in code to people they don't know. When someone says Merry Christmas without a smile to a stranger in a hostile shopping environment, you can bet that's code for: "I hope you get stabbed in the face with an icecicle." Saying Merry Christmas with an unconvincing smile to a stranger usually means "I hope you get anally raped by someone with an unidentifiable STD" Saying Merry Christmas to someone you kind of know pretty much means "I hope a very unhappy individual shits under your Christmas tree this year."
And somehow with these generally hostile thoughts emerges a group of people who actually do wish you a Merry Christmas. It's hard to find those kinds of people. I know I'm personally not one of those people. Everytime a soccer-mom minivan cuts me off on the way to a shoppting structure of some sort, I get an usual urge to committ petty crimes and eat at Taco Bell. It's hard to stay happy during a time of year when everyone is supposed to care but no one really does. The only things that are crossing peoples minds are usually stressful thoughts like "I hope I get that gift in time." "I hate shopping" "I'm low on money" and occassionally (if you're a male) "I think that girl ringing me up for my gifts is hitting on me"
Sure Christmas day is good and all, but why is everyone buying gifts? Mostly out of sheer tradition and obligation. You're supposed to buy presents for people you care about. But often times you find yourself buying too many gifts for people you kind of know and your much hated boss. Or even better, you're buying gifts for that awkward person who bought you a gift but you didn't have any intention of buying them a gift in the first place so now you're scrambling to buy them a gift so you don't seem like an asshole. Oh what a wonderful time of the year. Feeling obligation and financial trouble all for 2 hours maximum of opening presents in one day. But it doesn't stop there. You get to go to all the unpleasant shopping structures again to return poorly thought out gifts to buy ones that better suit your tastes.The cycle doesnt end for another 5 days. Finally when that's all over, you realize "Wow, I spent a crap load of money and all I have to show for it is 2 packages of socks, underwear that doesn't fit me and a 4 macoroni noodle portraits my best friends made me." Of course every year you hope that next Christmas is better and people won't be so stupid. But like a virus, it gets worse every year as we slowly come to realize an asshole is born every minute and they too will someday contribute to the holiday madness.
As it turns out, Christmas isn't so bad if keep you're head high and enjoy what the season is really about. Not that it's for me to decide. Hallmark and years of marketing and commercialism seems to do decide that for me anyway. I'm a cheap bi-product of low prices and inferior knowledge of knowing when I'm getting ripped off or not.
On that note, have a Merry Christmas....................Really.
:)
Sunday, December 24, 2006
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Nuh Nuh Nuh Nuh Nuh Nuh Batman!
As I was sitting in my car of a dirty parking garage, I somehow got thinking about Batman and his unorthodox way of fighting crime. The first thing that struck me was that Batman only fights crime at night. Except for in the original Batman with Adam West. That was great. But in the Batman movies and cartoons, he is only out at night.
Now I understand he is Bruce Wayne,billionaire extraordinaire and he has a day job to hold because crime fighting just isn't as cheap as it used to be. But in all the movies and cartoons, crime seems to be relatively calm until it turns dark. Then the crime breaks out. Petty thugs elude the police constantly..........Then Batman appears out of the shadows and kicks some ass! Yay for Batman!
But don't you think that at least one criminal would have seen that Batman only fights crime at night? It would be so much easier to committ crimes during the day since Batman doesn't exist during those kinds of hours. They don't know he is yuppy scumbag Bruce Wayne during the day just trying to make a few more dollars to buy Bat-shaped crime fighting devices. Logically, if these crooks can elude police at night, they can do it just as easily during the day since Gothams police force appears to be relatively incompetent without the help of Batman. Crime would be so successful in Gotham that it would be ridiculous.
However, somewhere along the way, Robin gets introduced into the crime-fighting area and fights with Batman at night. Now, I'm not a crazy hobby-less birdwatching fanatic. But I'm 99.9% sure that robins are not nocturnal birds. And I'm positive that most bats are nocturnal. To have a superhero named Robin fighting crime at night is completely ludicrous. That is a lot like having a superhero being named "Polar Bear Man" that fights monsters in the liquid magma core of the earth. It's just that silly. But I have an idea that can revolutionize the way Gotham experiences and fights crime.
This idea is much like something you would see at a real job. Shifts, if you will. Robin, who is not a nocturnal bird, can fight crime during the day. This prevents criminals from seeing a pattern. They'll know their place during the day. Once the night comes along, Batman can come relieve Robin of his crime fighting duties and take the night shift. At that point, Robin can be on call for any serious ass kicking that Batman may need help with. Robin can carry a pager or something.
Batman would never be on call. Not unless it was the Joker anally raping one of Batman's good friends on top of a 2 story buidling in broad daylight. But it has to be extremely emergent or personal for Bruce Wayne to get to the batcave to change into his costume. This will serve as the only shift change in superhero history. Except for those lame superhero crossover episodes. Those don't count. The idea is flawless. You can fear the bird of the day and bat of the night. There's no winning situation. Plus this gives Robin a real chance to shine in his ass-kicking abilities.
Wow, I should probably take on a 3rd job or something. I'm starting to think I have too much free time.
Now I understand he is Bruce Wayne,billionaire extraordinaire and he has a day job to hold because crime fighting just isn't as cheap as it used to be. But in all the movies and cartoons, crime seems to be relatively calm until it turns dark. Then the crime breaks out. Petty thugs elude the police constantly..........Then Batman appears out of the shadows and kicks some ass! Yay for Batman!
But don't you think that at least one criminal would have seen that Batman only fights crime at night? It would be so much easier to committ crimes during the day since Batman doesn't exist during those kinds of hours. They don't know he is yuppy scumbag Bruce Wayne during the day just trying to make a few more dollars to buy Bat-shaped crime fighting devices. Logically, if these crooks can elude police at night, they can do it just as easily during the day since Gothams police force appears to be relatively incompetent without the help of Batman. Crime would be so successful in Gotham that it would be ridiculous.
However, somewhere along the way, Robin gets introduced into the crime-fighting area and fights with Batman at night. Now, I'm not a crazy hobby-less birdwatching fanatic. But I'm 99.9% sure that robins are not nocturnal birds. And I'm positive that most bats are nocturnal. To have a superhero named Robin fighting crime at night is completely ludicrous. That is a lot like having a superhero being named "Polar Bear Man" that fights monsters in the liquid magma core of the earth. It's just that silly. But I have an idea that can revolutionize the way Gotham experiences and fights crime.
This idea is much like something you would see at a real job. Shifts, if you will. Robin, who is not a nocturnal bird, can fight crime during the day. This prevents criminals from seeing a pattern. They'll know their place during the day. Once the night comes along, Batman can come relieve Robin of his crime fighting duties and take the night shift. At that point, Robin can be on call for any serious ass kicking that Batman may need help with. Robin can carry a pager or something.
Batman would never be on call. Not unless it was the Joker anally raping one of Batman's good friends on top of a 2 story buidling in broad daylight. But it has to be extremely emergent or personal for Bruce Wayne to get to the batcave to change into his costume. This will serve as the only shift change in superhero history. Except for those lame superhero crossover episodes. Those don't count. The idea is flawless. You can fear the bird of the day and bat of the night. There's no winning situation. Plus this gives Robin a real chance to shine in his ass-kicking abilities.
Wow, I should probably take on a 3rd job or something. I'm starting to think I have too much free time.
Monday, November 27, 2006
For The Ones That Have Fallen Behind
A very interesting point came across to me today as I read an old friend's blog about her life back home. And that point is never forgetting your old friend's.
I know I have addressed this before but on a more vague level. I'm kind of inspired to write about this topic since I've had time to think about it. I normally try not to write 3 blogs in one month since I'm sure the people who read these get tired of reading my crap. But I think this is something that should be important to all of us
Just because someone's life is no longer impacting it now doesn't mean they didn't impact it before and make a piece of you who you are. True, some friends do come and go. But as I thought about this, I started thinking about the friends that have gone out of my life. Some for good. Some linger and make cameo appearances in my life. I thought about these people and what they brought me. All of them gave me a special piece of their personality and lives that helped make me who I am. A lot of the friends I grew up with (with the exception of one) have gone on to things that ruined their lives like alcohol, drugs, crime. All of them seized to make a difference in my life by sophomore year because of these choices. On the inside it disappoints me, but I can't run away from the fact of how much they have meant to me in the past. The times they were there for me. The times we laughed. The times we got in trouble. All the times that made being young all it was supposed to be and more. Some taught me to stick up for myself. Others taught me trust. Others taught me to laugh at myself. Some taught me that loyalty can mean everything when you have nobody else. And to me, that brings up the biggest point as to what it means to be a true friend. It's not always about being self consumed in making your life this giant party to create the illusion it was worth living. It's about making yourself worth knowing. It's about making an impact on others whether you know it or not. I think some of the biggest memories we all have are the ones of the people who were there for us. The people who loved us. The people who broke our hearts. The people closest to us. We tend to forget about people of the past because they are no longer impacting our lives with little thought as to how much they taught us and how much they meant to us.
There are some people who run away from themselves to try to get away from their problems without any answers in reach. We have all been guilty of this at one point or another. But when it comes down to it, in the end, sometimes all we have is who we are. And who we are is largely dependant on our acceptance. Not only of who we are, but of other people. How we accept adversity, forgiveness, and problems with no easy answers. We all know that change in ourselves is inevitable. We move. We love. We hate. We regret. And eventually we die. No amount of moving can leave behind who we are. No amount of experiences can make us forget our foundation of our true being. No amount of time can kill who we truly want to be in life. Like I said, in the end, all we have is ourselves sometimes. But just because a piece of us changes doesn't mean our foundation by which we have lived and based our lives has changed completely. Ideally, we live on a base or foundation of good will and potential. When you get down to the core you can find that in your nature. I think staying who you are and true to yourself is what makes a person worth knowing.
We all put up fronts to protect ourselves from manipulation and rejection. But those fronts are only good for so long if used constantly. I hope that many of you are true to yourselves and don't forget who you are and who made you that way. I hope that many of you have made a difference in others lives, as many of you have done for me. I hope that many of you live life being worth knowing not just worth seeing. I hope no matter where you go in life, you never lose the ability to impact another's life for the better.
Thank you for reading.
I know I have addressed this before but on a more vague level. I'm kind of inspired to write about this topic since I've had time to think about it. I normally try not to write 3 blogs in one month since I'm sure the people who read these get tired of reading my crap. But I think this is something that should be important to all of us
Just because someone's life is no longer impacting it now doesn't mean they didn't impact it before and make a piece of you who you are. True, some friends do come and go. But as I thought about this, I started thinking about the friends that have gone out of my life. Some for good. Some linger and make cameo appearances in my life. I thought about these people and what they brought me. All of them gave me a special piece of their personality and lives that helped make me who I am. A lot of the friends I grew up with (with the exception of one) have gone on to things that ruined their lives like alcohol, drugs, crime. All of them seized to make a difference in my life by sophomore year because of these choices. On the inside it disappoints me, but I can't run away from the fact of how much they have meant to me in the past. The times they were there for me. The times we laughed. The times we got in trouble. All the times that made being young all it was supposed to be and more. Some taught me to stick up for myself. Others taught me trust. Others taught me to laugh at myself. Some taught me that loyalty can mean everything when you have nobody else. And to me, that brings up the biggest point as to what it means to be a true friend. It's not always about being self consumed in making your life this giant party to create the illusion it was worth living. It's about making yourself worth knowing. It's about making an impact on others whether you know it or not. I think some of the biggest memories we all have are the ones of the people who were there for us. The people who loved us. The people who broke our hearts. The people closest to us. We tend to forget about people of the past because they are no longer impacting our lives with little thought as to how much they taught us and how much they meant to us.
There are some people who run away from themselves to try to get away from their problems without any answers in reach. We have all been guilty of this at one point or another. But when it comes down to it, in the end, sometimes all we have is who we are. And who we are is largely dependant on our acceptance. Not only of who we are, but of other people. How we accept adversity, forgiveness, and problems with no easy answers. We all know that change in ourselves is inevitable. We move. We love. We hate. We regret. And eventually we die. No amount of moving can leave behind who we are. No amount of experiences can make us forget our foundation of our true being. No amount of time can kill who we truly want to be in life. Like I said, in the end, all we have is ourselves sometimes. But just because a piece of us changes doesn't mean our foundation by which we have lived and based our lives has changed completely. Ideally, we live on a base or foundation of good will and potential. When you get down to the core you can find that in your nature. I think staying who you are and true to yourself is what makes a person worth knowing.
We all put up fronts to protect ourselves from manipulation and rejection. But those fronts are only good for so long if used constantly. I hope that many of you are true to yourselves and don't forget who you are and who made you that way. I hope that many of you have made a difference in others lives, as many of you have done for me. I hope that many of you live life being worth knowing not just worth seeing. I hope no matter where you go in life, you never lose the ability to impact another's life for the better.
Thank you for reading.
Monday, November 13, 2006
Tomfoolery I say! TOMFOOLERY!
Why hello there little boy/girl. I'm sure you are reading this because you are curious as to what I will write next. Oh yes you are. You are a curious one.
Well it's the ol' life update blog. And I'm sure that many of you will be clicking the back button or the "home" button on your browser to avoid reading this. ha ha. But it's ok. I'm not going to try to be too deep on this one.
Life lately has been treating me pretty well. I feel as I am stepping towards my second decade of life (5 days from today, woot) I'm getting a better idea of who I am, who my true friends are, my real priorities and what I want out of my life. So far, I've had it pretty good. I have an amazing girlfriend for the first time in nearly 3 years. I bet many of you didn't see that coming since I'm so damn picky. But she was worth the 3 years holding out. :) I've also got a new job which literally was tossed in my lap. My parents are good friends with a radiologist who told them that I should apply for the job and they would hold the spot open for me until they determine if they like me. I wasn't even looking for a new job. My parents just told me one day that I have an interview and should go. I'm now a Radiology Facilitator. It's a pretty cool job where I work with radiology doctors directly and help them manage their workflow. I preview the images before hand and make sure they are set up correctly before the doctor views them, I answer all their pages and calls and answer quite a bit of questions for them. And it's multiple doctors too. Before I got the job they paid me to shadow twice to make sure everyone liked and if I could do the work. The doctors liked me a lot and so did the staff so they offered me the job. It's pretty small hours so far, but the pay is incredible. I start off at 15.34 an hour. Now that's pretty sweet. But I only work 2 days a week so far, so I'm still going to work at Alta View lab until they can offer me more hours. I'm super stoked about the job. If I feel like I can make it through med school, this would really benefit me so I could gain recommendations from some of the biggest names in radiology in the state of Utah. That would be good. School has been going really well for me too. I'm nearly done with my EMT course. Which is good because it's starting to wear on me a little. I'm nervous for all the testing that I hav for the next week and a half. I hope I pass. Last night I volunteered as an EMT for my course at Pioneer Valley Hospital. It was probably one of the coolest things I've done in a while. It was real hands on patient care. I was doing anything from taking vitals, to prepping IV's for the doctors and nurses. I helped a ton of people and saw some crazy things. More than ever am I inspired to do healthcare. But I think I want to go beyond paramedic now. I'm thinking a doctor for sure now. As just an EMT basic, I felt very limited as to what I could do to help people. It kind of bummed me out. I want to be able to do everything I could to help these people. I saw attempted suicides, I saw assault victims, I saw dying cancer patients. I saw everything. I wanted to be able to do more to help people I didn't even know. I just knew I wanted to have the ability to help them feel better. To have a sense of trust that people put into a doctor in their time of need. I know it sounds corny and lame. But I really feel like now that I can do this. I want to be a doctor so I can use my abilities to the fullest to help others. What kind of doctor? Not sure. I'm thinking an ER doctor. But who knows. With my radiology job, I will be pretty hands on with the technology and work of a radiologist. I may want to be a radiologist. But who knows. The only thing I know, is that I think I've come to a pretty firm decision that med school is the way I want to go. It's a long road ahead of me. But more than ever I feel like that with the right amount of patience and some help on the side, that I can do it.
The only thing that is troubling me is my financial situation since I owe a lot of money to my parents, and school not to mention. I'm in a pretty tight spot with money. I'm hoping that I can work most of December to catch up on my debt and maybe come close to breaking even. Aside from that is my paranoid side. Things have been going well the last couple of months, but yet, I can't help but wonder, when is the axe going to drop? When is everything just going to suddenly turn shitty and make me stressed beyond all reason? What goes up must come down. That's scary to me. This is really the first winter in years where I don't feel alone and scared of my future. I just don't want that to be ripped away from me because everything suddenly becomes unbalanced. But I am hopeful that maybe things won't be so bad. Sure, I will have some hard times ahead of me, and I'm surely not invincible. But I'm feeling a little more charged to take on life.
For once, I'm not afraid and clouded by my stress.
For once, I feel like I'm not so lost. :)
Well it's the ol' life update blog. And I'm sure that many of you will be clicking the back button or the "home" button on your browser to avoid reading this. ha ha. But it's ok. I'm not going to try to be too deep on this one.
Life lately has been treating me pretty well. I feel as I am stepping towards my second decade of life (5 days from today, woot) I'm getting a better idea of who I am, who my true friends are, my real priorities and what I want out of my life. So far, I've had it pretty good. I have an amazing girlfriend for the first time in nearly 3 years. I bet many of you didn't see that coming since I'm so damn picky. But she was worth the 3 years holding out. :) I've also got a new job which literally was tossed in my lap. My parents are good friends with a radiologist who told them that I should apply for the job and they would hold the spot open for me until they determine if they like me. I wasn't even looking for a new job. My parents just told me one day that I have an interview and should go. I'm now a Radiology Facilitator. It's a pretty cool job where I work with radiology doctors directly and help them manage their workflow. I preview the images before hand and make sure they are set up correctly before the doctor views them, I answer all their pages and calls and answer quite a bit of questions for them. And it's multiple doctors too. Before I got the job they paid me to shadow twice to make sure everyone liked and if I could do the work. The doctors liked me a lot and so did the staff so they offered me the job. It's pretty small hours so far, but the pay is incredible. I start off at 15.34 an hour. Now that's pretty sweet. But I only work 2 days a week so far, so I'm still going to work at Alta View lab until they can offer me more hours. I'm super stoked about the job. If I feel like I can make it through med school, this would really benefit me so I could gain recommendations from some of the biggest names in radiology in the state of Utah. That would be good. School has been going really well for me too. I'm nearly done with my EMT course. Which is good because it's starting to wear on me a little. I'm nervous for all the testing that I hav for the next week and a half. I hope I pass. Last night I volunteered as an EMT for my course at Pioneer Valley Hospital. It was probably one of the coolest things I've done in a while. It was real hands on patient care. I was doing anything from taking vitals, to prepping IV's for the doctors and nurses. I helped a ton of people and saw some crazy things. More than ever am I inspired to do healthcare. But I think I want to go beyond paramedic now. I'm thinking a doctor for sure now. As just an EMT basic, I felt very limited as to what I could do to help people. It kind of bummed me out. I want to be able to do everything I could to help these people. I saw attempted suicides, I saw assault victims, I saw dying cancer patients. I saw everything. I wanted to be able to do more to help people I didn't even know. I just knew I wanted to have the ability to help them feel better. To have a sense of trust that people put into a doctor in their time of need. I know it sounds corny and lame. But I really feel like now that I can do this. I want to be a doctor so I can use my abilities to the fullest to help others. What kind of doctor? Not sure. I'm thinking an ER doctor. But who knows. With my radiology job, I will be pretty hands on with the technology and work of a radiologist. I may want to be a radiologist. But who knows. The only thing I know, is that I think I've come to a pretty firm decision that med school is the way I want to go. It's a long road ahead of me. But more than ever I feel like that with the right amount of patience and some help on the side, that I can do it.
The only thing that is troubling me is my financial situation since I owe a lot of money to my parents, and school not to mention. I'm in a pretty tight spot with money. I'm hoping that I can work most of December to catch up on my debt and maybe come close to breaking even. Aside from that is my paranoid side. Things have been going well the last couple of months, but yet, I can't help but wonder, when is the axe going to drop? When is everything just going to suddenly turn shitty and make me stressed beyond all reason? What goes up must come down. That's scary to me. This is really the first winter in years where I don't feel alone and scared of my future. I just don't want that to be ripped away from me because everything suddenly becomes unbalanced. But I am hopeful that maybe things won't be so bad. Sure, I will have some hard times ahead of me, and I'm surely not invincible. But I'm feeling a little more charged to take on life.
For once, I'm not afraid and clouded by my stress.
For once, I feel like I'm not so lost. :)
Sunday, November 5, 2006
Let's Revise the Food Pyramid and Society
So after recieving about 4 hours of sleep last night and fighting my way through an 8 hour day at work, I figured that now would be as good of time as any to attempt to write a humorous blog. It's been a while since I've made such an attempt.
So what is today's topic you ask? I'm sure the suspsense in attempting to decipher my title on first impression is fairly intense. Hold your breath no longer my witless chums. Today I will be addressing two subjects. 1. how they should revise the way they advertise food and 2. the utterly ridiculous ideas of a good relationship.
So this was partially inspired by my friend Kevin who's rants about the near crippling diaherria effects of Taco Bell changed the way I looked at fast food. Fast food chains should adopt a system, by which the naming of their product should be REQUIRED to reflect on the effects the product will have on your stomach and colon. And to make it even more interesting, they should also have names that hint of current events.
Lost?
Understandable. But that's why I'm here to put you back on track with these lovely examples.
I'll pick on Taco Bell for a couple of examples because its just so easy and convenient. Examples of products that would accurately reflect on your colon while staying to current events would be:
The Jihad Burrito
Tax Inflation Double Decker Out the Esophogus
The Improvised Explosive Device Beef Gordita (Now with meat!)
The Economy Slump Taco
Appetizing ay? You bet your ass it is. But lets not limit ourselves to Taco Bell. I will go over a variety of products that you would relate to.
Martyr Muffins
Quarter Pound Obesity Burger
Iraqi Revolt Nuggets
Rapid Immigration Sandwich
Tank Stopping Dairy Delight
Prisoner Pita Bread
Wouldn't this be a little more fair to all of us if we knew what was going to happen the second that stuff hit our stomachs? At least once in our lives, we have consumed a product of a fast food origin, that has made us pray for a swift death in our sleep. But with my proposed system, we can educate the ignorant and obese American public at large about current events, but while maintaining honesty that you will be in a world of shit later (no pun intended)
Now for my second topic. Ludicrous relationship ideas. I can't stress this enough about how much crazy crap I see going on in this state of Utah. I would say that about 45% of my graduating class is already married or engaged. And that's surprisingly accurate. Utah has the highest rate of young married couples. It is estimated that by age 23, 60% of the people you graduated with will already be married and will likely have been married for 1 year to 2 years. I read this in the SLC Tribune the other day (If I could have found the article about it, I would have posted it.) What kind of maniac wants to get married before they can legally drink? Even worse, get married before you can legally by cigarettes(19 in case you didn't know)
Yeah get that idea out of your head. That's the devil. That and really sappy and posed out pictures of yourself and significant other on myspace and other websites the public can view them. Stop that. It makes me want to eat Taco Bell just so I have a reason to throw up. And don't get me started about the insane idea that true and passionate love can exist in under one day. Nothing says "I believe in fortune cookies, horoscopes, chain letters and the tooth fairy" quite like you goobers who believe that idea. Stop that too. That's bad. Thats right, I'm posing my opinions as facts :)
(subliminal message)
*subscribe*
So what is today's topic you ask? I'm sure the suspsense in attempting to decipher my title on first impression is fairly intense. Hold your breath no longer my witless chums. Today I will be addressing two subjects. 1. how they should revise the way they advertise food and 2. the utterly ridiculous ideas of a good relationship.
So this was partially inspired by my friend Kevin who's rants about the near crippling diaherria effects of Taco Bell changed the way I looked at fast food. Fast food chains should adopt a system, by which the naming of their product should be REQUIRED to reflect on the effects the product will have on your stomach and colon. And to make it even more interesting, they should also have names that hint of current events.
Lost?
Understandable. But that's why I'm here to put you back on track with these lovely examples.
I'll pick on Taco Bell for a couple of examples because its just so easy and convenient. Examples of products that would accurately reflect on your colon while staying to current events would be:
The Jihad Burrito
Tax Inflation Double Decker Out the Esophogus
The Improvised Explosive Device Beef Gordita (Now with meat!)
The Economy Slump Taco
Appetizing ay? You bet your ass it is. But lets not limit ourselves to Taco Bell. I will go over a variety of products that you would relate to.
Martyr Muffins
Quarter Pound Obesity Burger
Iraqi Revolt Nuggets
Rapid Immigration Sandwich
Tank Stopping Dairy Delight
Prisoner Pita Bread
Wouldn't this be a little more fair to all of us if we knew what was going to happen the second that stuff hit our stomachs? At least once in our lives, we have consumed a product of a fast food origin, that has made us pray for a swift death in our sleep. But with my proposed system, we can educate the ignorant and obese American public at large about current events, but while maintaining honesty that you will be in a world of shit later (no pun intended)
Now for my second topic. Ludicrous relationship ideas. I can't stress this enough about how much crazy crap I see going on in this state of Utah. I would say that about 45% of my graduating class is already married or engaged. And that's surprisingly accurate. Utah has the highest rate of young married couples. It is estimated that by age 23, 60% of the people you graduated with will already be married and will likely have been married for 1 year to 2 years. I read this in the SLC Tribune the other day (If I could have found the article about it, I would have posted it.) What kind of maniac wants to get married before they can legally drink? Even worse, get married before you can legally by cigarettes(19 in case you didn't know)
Yeah get that idea out of your head. That's the devil. That and really sappy and posed out pictures of yourself and significant other on myspace and other websites the public can view them. Stop that. It makes me want to eat Taco Bell just so I have a reason to throw up. And don't get me started about the insane idea that true and passionate love can exist in under one day. Nothing says "I believe in fortune cookies, horoscopes, chain letters and the tooth fairy" quite like you goobers who believe that idea. Stop that too. That's bad. Thats right, I'm posing my opinions as facts :)
(subliminal message)
*subscribe*
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Hold On For Just a Moment
The past month or so has given me a lot of time to think about my life. What I've done with it, what I want out of it, what I'll do to make a difference etc. My life has had it's moments and memories. I don't think it was up until the past 4 years I've really been trying to live out my life the best I can. I've tried living my life to what I feel is the fullest. I've made great friends, many have faded, and a few remain. I've played in a band for years before. That's something some people only daydream about. I used to work at a music store and help run the live music events that went on there. I've been to Italy (and I plan to keep traveling) I've had the craziest stories and adventures to tell. I played a variety of sports when I was younger. I was active in theatre and won best director for a play my senior year. I've been writing for as long as I can remember. I've tried my best to brighten the days of others. I've inspired laughs. I've given my feelings to others. (even to those who didn't deserve them) I don't care what other people think of me. I've done my best to be a good person.
And yet with all the adventures and fun, I've had my share downfalls and broken hopes. I've had my heart broken and I've broken hearts. I've seen and told stories I wish I never have. I've done things that were selfish and undeserving. I've cried my tears and disappointed many.
I'm not perfect. Nor am I unhappy. I don't live with regrets. Not to say that I ignore them. But they are an unnecessary burden to carry through life. You can't change what's been done. But at the same time, my most disappointing, embarassing, and worst mistakes are what made me who I am. I've learned from all of them. Some of those mistakes I haven't learned enough from. Because I've repeated a couple. Granted, if I somehow had the chance to change a couple of things I might consider. But maybe I wouldn't have had the life I've lived now. There are just some things worth letting go.
But what is not worth letting go? What moments in life do we cherish most? That varies person to person obviously. I think that a lot of people forget to live their life. Sad but true. If you feel like you don't have time, then you're the only one stopping yourself. There is so much I want to do with my life. Though I question my capabilities to get there. No, I don't lack the confidence. Maybe the right direction and ambition. I think my greatest dream would be to become a successful writer. I question if I have the talent to do so. Right now my ambition is the medical field. Current goal is paramedic. That feels a little more realistic to me. I've always wanted to do something medical. I hope I make it someday.
As I've looked back on the past little bit of my life, I often wonder, "Will I be remembered years from now? What have I done to touch peoples lives? Have I made a difference just by simply being me? Have I made myself a person worth knowing?" I hope there is positive answers to all of those questions. No, I'm not having some sort of life or identity crisis. No I'm not having some sort of self esteem issue. Or as one person would call it "the quarter life crisis." I'm not unhappy. This is probably been the best part of my life so far. I feel as though I'm living it up the best I can right now. As if I am living it up the best I can. I just feel like I'm at this point in my life, where if I haven't made a difference or a positive impression, now would be a great time to start. While I'm young and still have energy. I want to be the best person I can be. I want to make people happy. I want to help. I want to feel like I'm a person worth knowing. Like if I were to pass away early, I want be remembered positively and I want be immortalized by the stories of the life I led. I want to make sure that I was worth knowing and my life was worth living. A life well remembered.
I apologize if any of this sounds pompous or lame. Though it feels good to get off my chest. I would like to end by thanking everyone who has supported me recently. People who really have supported my writing, my goals and ambitions. People of the past who have had the impact and memories. Thank you all.
Now I must stop writing. For I am very thirsty and will require a beverage of some kind to quench my thirst. :)
And yet with all the adventures and fun, I've had my share downfalls and broken hopes. I've had my heart broken and I've broken hearts. I've seen and told stories I wish I never have. I've done things that were selfish and undeserving. I've cried my tears and disappointed many.
I'm not perfect. Nor am I unhappy. I don't live with regrets. Not to say that I ignore them. But they are an unnecessary burden to carry through life. You can't change what's been done. But at the same time, my most disappointing, embarassing, and worst mistakes are what made me who I am. I've learned from all of them. Some of those mistakes I haven't learned enough from. Because I've repeated a couple. Granted, if I somehow had the chance to change a couple of things I might consider. But maybe I wouldn't have had the life I've lived now. There are just some things worth letting go.
But what is not worth letting go? What moments in life do we cherish most? That varies person to person obviously. I think that a lot of people forget to live their life. Sad but true. If you feel like you don't have time, then you're the only one stopping yourself. There is so much I want to do with my life. Though I question my capabilities to get there. No, I don't lack the confidence. Maybe the right direction and ambition. I think my greatest dream would be to become a successful writer. I question if I have the talent to do so. Right now my ambition is the medical field. Current goal is paramedic. That feels a little more realistic to me. I've always wanted to do something medical. I hope I make it someday.
As I've looked back on the past little bit of my life, I often wonder, "Will I be remembered years from now? What have I done to touch peoples lives? Have I made a difference just by simply being me? Have I made myself a person worth knowing?" I hope there is positive answers to all of those questions. No, I'm not having some sort of life or identity crisis. No I'm not having some sort of self esteem issue. Or as one person would call it "the quarter life crisis." I'm not unhappy. This is probably been the best part of my life so far. I feel as though I'm living it up the best I can right now. As if I am living it up the best I can. I just feel like I'm at this point in my life, where if I haven't made a difference or a positive impression, now would be a great time to start. While I'm young and still have energy. I want to be the best person I can be. I want to make people happy. I want to help. I want to feel like I'm a person worth knowing. Like if I were to pass away early, I want be remembered positively and I want be immortalized by the stories of the life I led. I want to make sure that I was worth knowing and my life was worth living. A life well remembered.
I apologize if any of this sounds pompous or lame. Though it feels good to get off my chest. I would like to end by thanking everyone who has supported me recently. People who really have supported my writing, my goals and ambitions. People of the past who have had the impact and memories. Thank you all.
Now I must stop writing. For I am very thirsty and will require a beverage of some kind to quench my thirst. :)
Monday, October 9, 2006
Damn the Cold and the Horse (or bus) It Rode in On
It's been a little over a month since I've written a blog of any kind. And I'm sure many of you were wondering, just how the hell I'm doing. That's right. I'm just that self-centered to think that everyone simultaneously cares about my existence at any give time. ha ha.
October has always been one of my favorite months. The way the colors change and the faint sound of rustling leaves blowing in the wind. Little things like that make it worth while for some reason. What I like most about October is the holiday of Halloween. It's the most festive time of the year I think. You're not buying into the commercialist bullshit. Though there is some, just like every holiday. I like how just for the month of October, we can all live in a fictional world of death and actually enjoy it. ha ha. Ok, maybe that sounds morbid. But what I'm trying to say is that, Halloween is meant to be fun for everyone. No one is out trying to buy presents. No one is trying to go on a hassle of a vacation. No one is out trying to kill each other. It's the one day of the year where kids and adults alike can dress in ridiculous costumes and not get the police called on them. 10 year old boys are running around in costumes that serial killers and serial rapists envy. Whereas girls and women of all ages dress in costumes that put the skankiest hookers to shame. It's the one magical day of the year where dressing like a drunken wreck or a very incompetent blood covered surgeon, is considered fun. The decorations and mood are perfect. It's the one day of the year, where it is perfectly legal to be a complete jackass in the comfort of the public eye whether you're with the traditional Halloween spirit or not.
Anyway, enough on my random thoughts on October.
Lately, life has actually been good for the most part. But once again, I have fallen back to the clutches of debt. Mostly because of the ridiculous amounts of money I spent repairing my van. Most of the money I saved for the summer has all gone towards keeping my van up to speed even though it's still having problems. Debt, is temporary. I'm not worried so much, because I know I can pull out of it with some time. My goal lately is to transfer to the U for good. I've been talking with counselors and getting ready to make the jump to a bit more of an advanced college setting. I'm thinking about a career in emergency medicine nowadays. I'm thinking I want to go into paramedics for a while and see how I like that. If all goes well, I'm thinking of applying to med school after that. But thats much too far for me to think about right now. I also may have a shot at getting a job that will pay me 5 dollar more than I make now. I would be working closely with radiology physicians and helping coordinate patient schedules and patient care. I hope it works out. The job I have currently is boring me to death. It beats the hell out of my last job. But medical laboratory science doesn't interest me. Plus I have to work with one hell of a douchebag of a co-worker who makes my life hell. It's only one day a week, but it's still a pain in the ass dealing with a man who has no respect for anyone but himself.
Aside from that, I feel as though things are starting to get better for me as time goes on. This is probably the first Fall/pre-winter season in years where I don't feel as though I'm walking alone. For once, I'm relatively happy during this time of year, the time of year I usually dred the most. My friends haven't disappeared and I see them often. I've met some worth while people lately too that help make my life better. There is little tension between myself and my family anymore. I can only hope that this maintains. It's been a while since I've felt this happy.
Hope all is well on your end of the screen. :)
October has always been one of my favorite months. The way the colors change and the faint sound of rustling leaves blowing in the wind. Little things like that make it worth while for some reason. What I like most about October is the holiday of Halloween. It's the most festive time of the year I think. You're not buying into the commercialist bullshit. Though there is some, just like every holiday. I like how just for the month of October, we can all live in a fictional world of death and actually enjoy it. ha ha. Ok, maybe that sounds morbid. But what I'm trying to say is that, Halloween is meant to be fun for everyone. No one is out trying to buy presents. No one is trying to go on a hassle of a vacation. No one is out trying to kill each other. It's the one day of the year where kids and adults alike can dress in ridiculous costumes and not get the police called on them. 10 year old boys are running around in costumes that serial killers and serial rapists envy. Whereas girls and women of all ages dress in costumes that put the skankiest hookers to shame. It's the one magical day of the year where dressing like a drunken wreck or a very incompetent blood covered surgeon, is considered fun. The decorations and mood are perfect. It's the one day of the year, where it is perfectly legal to be a complete jackass in the comfort of the public eye whether you're with the traditional Halloween spirit or not.
Anyway, enough on my random thoughts on October.
Lately, life has actually been good for the most part. But once again, I have fallen back to the clutches of debt. Mostly because of the ridiculous amounts of money I spent repairing my van. Most of the money I saved for the summer has all gone towards keeping my van up to speed even though it's still having problems. Debt, is temporary. I'm not worried so much, because I know I can pull out of it with some time. My goal lately is to transfer to the U for good. I've been talking with counselors and getting ready to make the jump to a bit more of an advanced college setting. I'm thinking about a career in emergency medicine nowadays. I'm thinking I want to go into paramedics for a while and see how I like that. If all goes well, I'm thinking of applying to med school after that. But thats much too far for me to think about right now. I also may have a shot at getting a job that will pay me 5 dollar more than I make now. I would be working closely with radiology physicians and helping coordinate patient schedules and patient care. I hope it works out. The job I have currently is boring me to death. It beats the hell out of my last job. But medical laboratory science doesn't interest me. Plus I have to work with one hell of a douchebag of a co-worker who makes my life hell. It's only one day a week, but it's still a pain in the ass dealing with a man who has no respect for anyone but himself.
Aside from that, I feel as though things are starting to get better for me as time goes on. This is probably the first Fall/pre-winter season in years where I don't feel as though I'm walking alone. For once, I'm relatively happy during this time of year, the time of year I usually dred the most. My friends haven't disappeared and I see them often. I've met some worth while people lately too that help make my life better. There is little tension between myself and my family anymore. I can only hope that this maintains. It's been a while since I've felt this happy.
Hope all is well on your end of the screen. :)
Thursday, September 7, 2006
There's A Good Reason Why You Don't Understand...
And it's because you don't pay attention.
For a while, I have been perplexed by the way some people function in "relationships." People who have been living as single individuals are generally just as lost. Single people see relationships like zoos from the looking glass. It always seems like something is wrong or someone is unhappy etc. Always seeing the surface as either ridiculously happy or Satan-borne shitty. People already in relationships are looking at them like a sports game on tv. Competitively judging other couples abilities to "communicate" and "love" and all that crap they tend to say. After a double-date you can usually observe couples talking about how horrible the other couples relationship must be since its nothing like their own. On some rare occasions you find couples looking up to other couples due to their own relationship growing old or falling apart. I think the funniest is when multiple couples get together and talk about being a couple while doing "couples" activities. Doesn't that seem redundant to anyone?
Recently, it has come to my attention about how some people function in relationships. Not only because most of my friends are in one, but because I'm tired of hearing single lonely people bitch about how they don't understand why they can't get into a relationship. I have composed a few groups of different people and the relationships they tend to be in. Keep in mind that its a pretty wide stretch for all the groups since its fairly impossible without the proper resources to go in depth and find different groups. Likewise, I would like to point I have not based any of these groups on anyone close to me since there is more than 2 people in a relationship right now, believe it or not. You just may happen to fit in a certain group.
1. This is something that I see a lot. People who jump to relationships quickly. Which isn't always necessarily a bad thing. But typically the people I find doing this are people who have multiple relationships in a period of time. Generally those are the people who are quite dependant on others. They tend to base their self-worth and security on whether or not someone is at their side. They tend to be clingy and attached quickly which in turn, is usually the cause of the demise of their relationship. Too much, too fast. For the most part, these are people with good intentions and all the loyalty in the world to offer. Usually impulsive and runs hot on the emotional side. They tend to not know how to protect themselves from heartbreak and rely very heavily on friends and their current relationship for support. Be warned, it could be your most loving and loyal relationship, or it could be your soap opera disaster.
2. This is the one that single people see the most. The people in long-term relationships. The one with all the fights and all the happiness. All the stories. All the drama. The side-taking. Sometimes crying. The occasional heartbreaks. Everything that even the loneliest person longs for. People who are in long-term relationships have what it takes to keep things going. Sometimes its love. Sometimes its infactuation. Sometimes it's the social benefit's of having a relationship. The people who are in these relationships are generally happy despite the fights that you tend to hear about more than the happiness. Which is common in relationships to concentrate on the negative since very few people want to hear you brag all the time about how happy you are. Some find themselves wishing to be single. It's strange how when you're the most unavailable is when people want you to be the most available. Often times, they never go through with it. Breaking something that has lasted a long time is something that is a very hard to do. Both sides feel lost without one another in most cases. Breaking that regularity of having someone there. Of course in some cases, long-term relationships end. I tend see to see that the people who are in longterm relationships, are the people who weren't looking that hard for one in the first place. Life has a tendency to spring you surprises at the moments you least suspect.
3. There is a group I will kind of mash together since they kind of go together. The people with committal issues and ridiculously high standards. People with committal issues are the ones that can get pretty far with a person (not just sexually) then get scared and back off. I've found generally it's because of negative past experiences. The other thing I find is because they have an intense fear of being hurt and its not based on past experience. Outside people see them as "players" or "heartbreakers." Some lame high school title of that sort. It's in my opinion that they don't mean to hurt the people they do. Very few individuals are that mean where they break hearts for sport. They typically withdraw to protect themselves from getting too close. Putting them in range to hurt themselves or the other person more.
People with high standards are relatively in the same boat. Looking for perfection where they will never find it. Looking to win the first try so they don't have to try again. So they never have to be hurt. Being so protective of themselves that their goals of finding that perfect someone become unrealistic. Generally, their high standards are based off of bad experiences. Taking little or no chances. Finding flaws before good. From what I see when these people eventually get in relationships, there is usually trust issues in the beginning. Sometimes it crashes and burns quickly. But most of the time, after the hardship is said and done, I've seen the most heartwarming and fullfilling of relationships.
Like I said, this is a wide base and not everyone is like this. So don't send me hateful comments on how I'm wrong. Some of this is based off my own experiences, personal and observable. So for you single people who bitch a lot, it could be worse and be patient. I hope that I have put some things in perspective for those in and out of the looking glass. So for those that are offended still by this point, realize I did not base this off of you and I'm probably not right. I'm just saying things the way I see it. Also realize, that I have not been committed to anything remotely serious in nearly 2 years. So I'm a little rusty when it comes to these kinds of things. The purpose of posting all this was in a vague hope that this would get people to pay more attention to their surroundings. The quirks, body language and subconscious behaviors we tend to overlook. Asking questions of what we don't understand immediately rather than putting forth a little effort to find the answers ourselves. I believe that paying just a little attention can go a long way. Not only to your surroundings, but to yourself as well. Taking a step back to put things into perspective.
Granted, If I said any of this while in a serious relationship, it would probably mean uncomfortable couchtown for me. Or a permanent camping trip in the van. Worst-case scenario is that I get a sterilizing kick to the balls. But I'm already 2 steps ahead of that inevitable nut-crippling disaster. I plan on exclusively dating parapalegics.(I hope you realize I'm joking by this point) Considering my circumstances, I can say all the bad and good things about relationships I want without feeling any consequences that would take away sexual privelages, dignity, or money. The ones who are slightly offended by this will likely try to place me in a group that would reflect me negatively. I can just imagine someone bitterly mumbling aloud:
"This guy is a dick! That's a group he forgot. The dickhead group. And thats why he's not getting any. Asshole!"
or the more clever ones would say something like
"This guy is about as insecure as a hobo's shack in the rain. That's why he isn't getting any."
I would hope both those angry mumblers are wrong.
For a while, I have been perplexed by the way some people function in "relationships." People who have been living as single individuals are generally just as lost. Single people see relationships like zoos from the looking glass. It always seems like something is wrong or someone is unhappy etc. Always seeing the surface as either ridiculously happy or Satan-borne shitty. People already in relationships are looking at them like a sports game on tv. Competitively judging other couples abilities to "communicate" and "love" and all that crap they tend to say. After a double-date you can usually observe couples talking about how horrible the other couples relationship must be since its nothing like their own. On some rare occasions you find couples looking up to other couples due to their own relationship growing old or falling apart. I think the funniest is when multiple couples get together and talk about being a couple while doing "couples" activities. Doesn't that seem redundant to anyone?
Recently, it has come to my attention about how some people function in relationships. Not only because most of my friends are in one, but because I'm tired of hearing single lonely people bitch about how they don't understand why they can't get into a relationship. I have composed a few groups of different people and the relationships they tend to be in. Keep in mind that its a pretty wide stretch for all the groups since its fairly impossible without the proper resources to go in depth and find different groups. Likewise, I would like to point I have not based any of these groups on anyone close to me since there is more than 2 people in a relationship right now, believe it or not. You just may happen to fit in a certain group.
1. This is something that I see a lot. People who jump to relationships quickly. Which isn't always necessarily a bad thing. But typically the people I find doing this are people who have multiple relationships in a period of time. Generally those are the people who are quite dependant on others. They tend to base their self-worth and security on whether or not someone is at their side. They tend to be clingy and attached quickly which in turn, is usually the cause of the demise of their relationship. Too much, too fast. For the most part, these are people with good intentions and all the loyalty in the world to offer. Usually impulsive and runs hot on the emotional side. They tend to not know how to protect themselves from heartbreak and rely very heavily on friends and their current relationship for support. Be warned, it could be your most loving and loyal relationship, or it could be your soap opera disaster.
2. This is the one that single people see the most. The people in long-term relationships. The one with all the fights and all the happiness. All the stories. All the drama. The side-taking. Sometimes crying. The occasional heartbreaks. Everything that even the loneliest person longs for. People who are in long-term relationships have what it takes to keep things going. Sometimes its love. Sometimes its infactuation. Sometimes it's the social benefit's of having a relationship. The people who are in these relationships are generally happy despite the fights that you tend to hear about more than the happiness. Which is common in relationships to concentrate on the negative since very few people want to hear you brag all the time about how happy you are. Some find themselves wishing to be single. It's strange how when you're the most unavailable is when people want you to be the most available. Often times, they never go through with it. Breaking something that has lasted a long time is something that is a very hard to do. Both sides feel lost without one another in most cases. Breaking that regularity of having someone there. Of course in some cases, long-term relationships end. I tend see to see that the people who are in longterm relationships, are the people who weren't looking that hard for one in the first place. Life has a tendency to spring you surprises at the moments you least suspect.
3. There is a group I will kind of mash together since they kind of go together. The people with committal issues and ridiculously high standards. People with committal issues are the ones that can get pretty far with a person (not just sexually) then get scared and back off. I've found generally it's because of negative past experiences. The other thing I find is because they have an intense fear of being hurt and its not based on past experience. Outside people see them as "players" or "heartbreakers." Some lame high school title of that sort. It's in my opinion that they don't mean to hurt the people they do. Very few individuals are that mean where they break hearts for sport. They typically withdraw to protect themselves from getting too close. Putting them in range to hurt themselves or the other person more.
People with high standards are relatively in the same boat. Looking for perfection where they will never find it. Looking to win the first try so they don't have to try again. So they never have to be hurt. Being so protective of themselves that their goals of finding that perfect someone become unrealistic. Generally, their high standards are based off of bad experiences. Taking little or no chances. Finding flaws before good. From what I see when these people eventually get in relationships, there is usually trust issues in the beginning. Sometimes it crashes and burns quickly. But most of the time, after the hardship is said and done, I've seen the most heartwarming and fullfilling of relationships.
Like I said, this is a wide base and not everyone is like this. So don't send me hateful comments on how I'm wrong. Some of this is based off my own experiences, personal and observable. So for you single people who bitch a lot, it could be worse and be patient. I hope that I have put some things in perspective for those in and out of the looking glass. So for those that are offended still by this point, realize I did not base this off of you and I'm probably not right. I'm just saying things the way I see it. Also realize, that I have not been committed to anything remotely serious in nearly 2 years. So I'm a little rusty when it comes to these kinds of things. The purpose of posting all this was in a vague hope that this would get people to pay more attention to their surroundings. The quirks, body language and subconscious behaviors we tend to overlook. Asking questions of what we don't understand immediately rather than putting forth a little effort to find the answers ourselves. I believe that paying just a little attention can go a long way. Not only to your surroundings, but to yourself as well. Taking a step back to put things into perspective.
Granted, If I said any of this while in a serious relationship, it would probably mean uncomfortable couchtown for me. Or a permanent camping trip in the van. Worst-case scenario is that I get a sterilizing kick to the balls. But I'm already 2 steps ahead of that inevitable nut-crippling disaster. I plan on exclusively dating parapalegics.(I hope you realize I'm joking by this point) Considering my circumstances, I can say all the bad and good things about relationships I want without feeling any consequences that would take away sexual privelages, dignity, or money. The ones who are slightly offended by this will likely try to place me in a group that would reflect me negatively. I can just imagine someone bitterly mumbling aloud:
"This guy is a dick! That's a group he forgot. The dickhead group. And thats why he's not getting any. Asshole!"
or the more clever ones would say something like
"This guy is about as insecure as a hobo's shack in the rain. That's why he isn't getting any."
I would hope both those angry mumblers are wrong.
Saturday, September 2, 2006
Lesson Learned Indeed, Ol' Chum
The other day I was reminded of how summer has finally come to a close. No, it wasn't the fact school has started college and high school alike. It was the fact that the nights have been getting colder. I guess to some of you, thats no surprise. I'm still living in July. August went by so fast. July and August have to be the fastest of the other months. Before you know it, its September and Labor Day weekend is your next ticket to being lazy or being paid overtime. I'm not a fan of September. It's like the Springs distant cousin. It's either really hot, or really cold and everything is starting to fall instead of bloom.
I hate the Autumn and Winter days. They always tend to be my worst. The people who know me well enough, know that I'm a pansy when it comes to the cold. Not only that, I cannot remember a Fall or Winter where I was content. Usually the end of winter/beginning of spring is when I start to feel happy again. A lot of it has to do with the fact its always dark and gloomy in the winter. It does have its points where I can enjoy it in small doses.
Just thinking of the fact that Winter is coming makes me uneasy. Last Fall/Winter I was pretty alone. Everything changed as it tends to after you graduate. I at least had Local to fall back on. I had somewhere to go. Something to do. But this year there is no Local or place I can go to just to pass the time or be in the company of good friends. I refuse to repeat last year. Feeling lonely, having friends but rarely seeing them, taking chances on girls who didn't deserve them just so maybe I could try to cure my loneliness. I won't do it. I really do have better hopes for this Fall. I think I'm in a much better state of mind than I was last year. I'm in a better position in life than I was last year.
I've been working at my new job now for a month. It's ok I guess. Beats the hell out of my last job. My only complaint is how boring it is. The field of laboratory science bores me. To some it seems like it's exciting. To me, it's boring and I can't wait for another job. ha ha. I'm currently taking an EMT course this year. I've shifted my interests to emergency medicine recently. I'm thinking about doing paramedics if I like doing EMT. Probably get my bachelors in it (Yes that is possible) I do realize there isn't a lot of money in it. Every life I go out to help is worth about 8.88 an hour as a basic EMT. Shitty pay for the weight of responsibility on someones life. So far I really love the class. I think I've found something that I can pursue and love that's realistic.
I feel that I'm at this point in my life where I'm starting to feel ready to grow up a little more. Not that I have a choice. August wasn't exactly my best month. I had a warrant out for my arrest because I forgot to pay a ticket from a year ago. I didn't get arrested but I almost did. I had to pay that off. On top of that I got an alcohol ticket. I rarely drink as it is. More often than usual lately. I've done it once a month since June. To some people, thats nothing, to me, thats a little much. And of course, my beloved van broke down. Getting the ticket was a wake up call to me. I've just been so careless and flakly lately. Not only with how I've handled myself, but my money and the girls that have come in and out of my life. It's a dumb mistake to make, but it reminded me that I have to buckle down if I am to be successful. If I am to actually be somebody.
Altogether, I'm pretty content. I get stressed here and there, but who doesn't during this time of year? I know the next couple of months won't be the easiest given my financial situation. But I do know that the next little while isn't darkness with patches of light. Rather light with patches of darkness and the occasional shades of grey. I can see this through. I'm thinking things through a lot more than I ever have. Though feeling lonely without friends or even a stable girl sucks, it's not forever. And I'm rarely lonely when it comes to friends anyway.
I think everything will be ok.
I hate the Autumn and Winter days. They always tend to be my worst. The people who know me well enough, know that I'm a pansy when it comes to the cold. Not only that, I cannot remember a Fall or Winter where I was content. Usually the end of winter/beginning of spring is when I start to feel happy again. A lot of it has to do with the fact its always dark and gloomy in the winter. It does have its points where I can enjoy it in small doses.
Just thinking of the fact that Winter is coming makes me uneasy. Last Fall/Winter I was pretty alone. Everything changed as it tends to after you graduate. I at least had Local to fall back on. I had somewhere to go. Something to do. But this year there is no Local or place I can go to just to pass the time or be in the company of good friends. I refuse to repeat last year. Feeling lonely, having friends but rarely seeing them, taking chances on girls who didn't deserve them just so maybe I could try to cure my loneliness. I won't do it. I really do have better hopes for this Fall. I think I'm in a much better state of mind than I was last year. I'm in a better position in life than I was last year.
I've been working at my new job now for a month. It's ok I guess. Beats the hell out of my last job. My only complaint is how boring it is. The field of laboratory science bores me. To some it seems like it's exciting. To me, it's boring and I can't wait for another job. ha ha. I'm currently taking an EMT course this year. I've shifted my interests to emergency medicine recently. I'm thinking about doing paramedics if I like doing EMT. Probably get my bachelors in it (Yes that is possible) I do realize there isn't a lot of money in it. Every life I go out to help is worth about 8.88 an hour as a basic EMT. Shitty pay for the weight of responsibility on someones life. So far I really love the class. I think I've found something that I can pursue and love that's realistic.
I feel that I'm at this point in my life where I'm starting to feel ready to grow up a little more. Not that I have a choice. August wasn't exactly my best month. I had a warrant out for my arrest because I forgot to pay a ticket from a year ago. I didn't get arrested but I almost did. I had to pay that off. On top of that I got an alcohol ticket. I rarely drink as it is. More often than usual lately. I've done it once a month since June. To some people, thats nothing, to me, thats a little much. And of course, my beloved van broke down. Getting the ticket was a wake up call to me. I've just been so careless and flakly lately. Not only with how I've handled myself, but my money and the girls that have come in and out of my life. It's a dumb mistake to make, but it reminded me that I have to buckle down if I am to be successful. If I am to actually be somebody.
Altogether, I'm pretty content. I get stressed here and there, but who doesn't during this time of year? I know the next couple of months won't be the easiest given my financial situation. But I do know that the next little while isn't darkness with patches of light. Rather light with patches of darkness and the occasional shades of grey. I can see this through. I'm thinking things through a lot more than I ever have. Though feeling lonely without friends or even a stable girl sucks, it's not forever. And I'm rarely lonely when it comes to friends anyway.
I think everything will be ok.
Friday, August 4, 2006
Don't Watch Movies With Me (Because I Ruin Them For Fun)
I was going through my inbox and I realized a lot of people have replied to my old bulletins. There is actually a lot of bulletins I forgot about that usually contain humor about movies or something ridiculously cynical. So I am reposting them for your viewing pleasure because they are kind of entertaining. Enjoy
Action Moveis Are All the Same!
Date: Jan 27, 2006 11:07 AM
So I've been watching cheap action movies lately and They are always the same! Observe as I describe and foil all of the action movies you have seen. They generally all include these characteristics:
1. A good guy who doesn't "follow the rules"
2. Boss who is angry at the good guy for not "following the rules"
3. Bad guy makes good guy mad by generally killing or kidnapping a close friend or family member.
4. The good guy later gets a seemingly incompetent partner.
5. A lot of shit blows up, people get shot, cars crash.
6. The good guy and the bad guy have a showdown in a large factory/industrial complex that features steam coming out of various pipes and chains that hang from the ceiling.
7. The good guy kills every member of the bad guys gang/posse, starting with the ones with the least screen time.
8. The good guy kills the bad guy's invincible assassin/croney/first mate kind of guy. BUT gets beaten up and wounded in the process.
9. The good guy typically, kills the bad guy in a clever way using materials in the factory (chains, acid, pipes, power cables, etc.)
10. Of course the good guy always falls in love with whoever insulted him the most during the "plot"
11. Everyone is somehow unexplainably happy despite close friends, co workers, and family members being killed in the past 2 hours.
You know it's true.
Love,
Johnny
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
If You Like Shitty Movies....
Date: Feb 20, 2006 12:08 AM
So I just saw Final Destination 3. If you like movies where a lot of people die in really weird ways for no real logical reason, weak acting, with a weaker plot. Final Destination 3 just might be your movie. I never knew there was so many ways to kill 24 year olds posing to be teens in high school in really unnecessary ways until this movie enlightened me.
If you go, you can get all excited with some sort of distant hope that you might be scared by the end of the movie because it was just so deep and disturbing. After the movie really is over, you will find that you are dumber than you were for just watching it.
"Intellectual and Stimulating!"
You will not be saying any of those words after its done
My recommendation:
Don't pay 5-7 dollars to see it on a regular day.
Wait until it comes out in the dollar movies and when 50 cent monday's roll around, you can casually stroll in and see the first 15 minutes of the movie. You can even leave the movie at that point without thinking you're losing a lot of money. You won't have any obligation to stay through the whole thing.
Better yet, if youre patient, you can buy it for cheap at the movie store or steal a previewed copy from a thrift store. You will save a total of 3 dollars for your endeavors.
Enjoy.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
My Observations on Action Heroes and Such
Date: May 14, 2006 10:37 PM
So I got thinkin about supehero movies and comics. I found some things that perplexed me.
How is it that despite how good of a fighter the main superhero is, the bad guy is equally just as good?
Batman was trained by ninjas, Superman is invincible, Spiderman is damn near invincible, and yet the bad guys compete with such power. Even the nerdy mad scientist always manages to beat the shit out of Batman before Batman somehow cleverly defeats him in an abandoned wherehouse, featuring various steaming pipes and chains hanging from the ceiling. How is that exactly?
Sure it's fiction, but a ninja verse a social hermit genius?
Who is going to win logically?
And whats up with the henchman, croneys, and nameless bad guys? Why do they join up with the mad scientist guy? Are they getting paid? Judging by the popular thrift store clothing look, probably not. And who is that motivated to work for an evil genius against impossible odds like Superman? What is the incentive for them to go out to unload a clip on Superman's face which they know will not stop him at all. Followed by a hell of an asskicking by Superman. Which usually includes the guys getting thrown into brick walls at high volicities or neatly stacked rows of boxes. Are these men retarded? Do they not realize that in half an hours time they will be thwarted? Like always?
And why are diabolical geniuses so angry too? I suspect such geniuses were picked on as kids and probably made fun of at the ol' workplace during the day. I'm sure a good part of the ridicule was drawn from in the lunchroom from their steady diet of juiceboxes, cabbage, and a can of baked beans. But they always use their genius to something completely weird and pointless. Honestly, what kind of angry genius hangs out with penguins? Or developes a freeze gun? or better yet, what drives a man to dress up like a clown and have a dry sense of humor? Can't the bad guys at least wear a nice suit? They clearly have millions of dollars to invest in a doomsday device, what stops them from investing in a nice suit? And how is it that one person can develope a large bomb in 3 days where it takes the military years with hundereds of researchers. Every now and then you see the bad guy with a ton of guys in labcoats working hard. But they have to be contracted somehow? Perhaps a contracting company? What kind of contracting company wants in on world destruction? Especially if they are likely to be killed.
This is probably the nerdiest thing I have ever brought up in my life.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Those were my nerdy rants. Here comes my old ones on me destroying bulletins
--------------------------------------------------------
Your Attention Please! You're All Fuckin Stupid!Date: Aug 1, 2005 10:51 PM
So obviously now you've gotten this far, so now that you're here, I'd like to address dumbass bulletins once again but in more detail rather than my previous condensed points. Please read all the way through.
1. What is with these dumbass bulletins going around about a ghost boy or girl saying they are going to kill you if you don't repost the bulletin? Honestly, people, if there really are ghosts, I'm pretty sure they have better things to do then log on to myspace and harass people by threatening to murder them in their sleep. And I'm for damn sure that a dead person would not describe themselves with "scary eyes."
2. I absolutely hate the bulletins that are petitions testifying you believe in God and not posting the bulletin would otherwise insult the faith you practice and ultimately sending you to the pits of Hell. This seems like a very low way of trying to sort out atheists and pagans from people who practice popular religous factions. Now, I am not atheist, but I do not need a bulletin telling me that I do not believe in God if I do not repost a stupid bulletin. In no way, shape, or from should there be bulletins made to even attempt to reflect someone's personal beliefs. To me it seems more blasphemous than righteous to speak for God Himself by hinting that by not posting a bulletin, you do not believe the faith you practice. So in short, Grow up you dipshits.
3. Why are there so many cheesy ass bulletins with some really lame, poorly written story attached about a boy and girl that are so in love that they fail to tell each other but one of them HAS to die in order for them to see it. And of course there is always some sort of secret note hidden that one of the widowed teenage persons finds close by the dead body of their "loved one." Then of course if you don't repost that bulletin you are doomed to bad love forever or 10 years or some random number. BUT if you do repost it, you will be loved in ten minutes, no joke. Who ever makes these dumb bulletins should be thrown off a bridge into icy water followed by target practice with bricks from the people above. Seriously, stop posting these! They are all the same! Really. I can guarantee that whether or not you post that will have no effect on your love life in the coming years. And the worst part is, that these bulletins or chains don't even have a novelty factor. It's not one of those "this is so cute," or "this is worth your time reading," or even "this is so dumb it's funny" sort of deals. It's just dumb and a waste of my time and many other people's time.
4. Ok, how many times does Tom or anyone with half a brain have to explain this? At least once a week I see a bulletin that says myspace will be cancelled, or you will be charged or some stupid shit like that. Just realize that if you believed all this from some random person, then logically if you lived in any other country than America, you probably would have been killed years ago because you're so gullible. These are the same people who enjoy jigsaw puzzles thoroughly with an IQ of 70 and people who get inspired by motivational posters. Chances are if all it takes to inspire you is a cheap saying and a pretty picture, than that probably means you have a job so easy that robots will be doing it soon. None of those rumors are true, and nor will they be true
Ok, so maybe I've ranted enough now. But seriously, stop posting stupid chain bulletins that waste my time and other's time. That way maybe I can actually read the bulletins I would actually care to read and I'm sure others feel the same. If you have any comments I would surely like to hear about them. Message me or something.
Sincerely,
Johnny W.
Please note that I may repost this a couple of times so as many people can read it as possible
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
This thing needs more negatives
Date: Nov 7, 2005 1:01 PM
J- Everyone loves you.
O- You love foreplay
H- You have very good personality and looks
N- You are very "FUN".
N - You are very "FUN".
Y - You never let people tell you what to do
NOW YOU TRY!
A - You always want some action.
B - You are always cautious when it comes to meeting new people.
C - You definitely have a partier side in you.
D - You have trouble trusting people.
E - You are popular with all types of people.
F - Fake.
G - You are very friendly and undestanding.
H - You have very good personality and looks.
I - Love is something you deeply believe in.
J - Everyone loves you.
K - You like to try new things.
L - You are always smiling and making others smile.
M - Success comes easily to you.
N - You are very "FUN".
O - You love foreplay.
P - You are very friendly and undestanding.
Q - You are a hypocrite.
R - You are a social butterfly.
S - People think you are sexy, especially your bf/gf.
T - You have an attitude, a big one.
U - You usally r hella tight.
V - You are not jusgemental.
W - You are very broad minded.
X - You always make every experience great
Y - You never let people tell you what to do.
Z- You're uber cool.
-------------------------------------------------------
They need more negatives in here don't you think? Like:
A- You rarely get laid because of your fake personality.
B- People hate you because of your support for Al-Qaida.
C- You're really lame in bed and probably have an STD.
D- You're ugly and need to stop trying to be attractive.
E- Everyone smiles to your face but talks behind your back.
F- You can't stop eating because you're fat but blame it on genetics.
G- You only get action when you masturbate to an action movie.
H- You have about as much intelligence as the pile of shit you stepped in the other day.
I- Urinal cakes tend to smell better than you.
J- You try too hard to be funny.
K- Cartoons are your only friend.
L- You're socially awkward and spend many weekends alone.
M- You have a great personality, but the looks of horses butthole.
N- You're a dateless wonder but you tell everyone else you're just picky.
O- You're only optimistic to cover up the fact you suck at everything.
P- People walk all over you because you can't say no
Q- You're not good at listening to other people because you only care about yourself.
R- You settle for less because you really are a loser.
S- Everyone knows you're incredibly insecure but yourself.
T- You have a small penis and/or really unnattractive breasts.
U- You need a life if you're still reading this
V- No matter how intoxicated someone is, they can still see you're ugly
W- You base you're personality off of bulletins and chain letters because you don't know who you are yet.
X- The closest you ever got to getting laid was your last physical from your doctor.
Y- You cover up your secret homosexual tendencies by acting like a hardass.
Z- Nobody respects you because you are a habitual liar.
Yeah I'm really bored. If you thought this was funny in someway, let me know! Message me.
Johnny W.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm rewriting this "choose your eye color and month" bullshit
Date: Feb 20, 2006 10:40 PM
Yeah, I'm tired of these lame ass things. They are only accurate because every one of them says the same thing, just different wording. Then its followed by some sort of stupid prediction. This is how it really should be
Love,
Johnny
-----------blue eyes----------
People with blue eyes are often repulsive drunks in denial. It's possible people don't like you because you practice poor hygeine and have a poor personality to back your shallow standards. Being fake is probably your favorite past time. That way everyone looks past the fact you haven't matured past the age of 12. If you repost this, in 7 days you will realize a week has gone by and jackshit has still yet to happen in your life.
-------brown eyes-------
People with brown eyes have a mysterious obsession with their own poop. That's often because that's the only thing worse than you and you figure you can at least walk all over it if it makes you angry. You're typically physically unattractive and socially awkward. You really know how to kill a good conversation and to embarass the people around you. If you repost this in 5 days, you'll realize that everyone now knows you're dumbass for believing these stupid bulletins and reposting them.
--------green eyes----------
You are probably beautiful beyond all reason, but it's likely that piles of shit are smarter than you. You are really flaky and rarely attempt to get anything done hoping that someone else will do it for you. If you had a relationship, your spouse/significant other would probably kill you just to gain money off your insurance policy. If you repost this, in three days nothing will happen, but you'll probably be dumb enough to think this was reverse psychology and will probably wait for something to happen.
---------hazel eyes------------
You are ridiculously indecisive. Your eyes obviously couldn't decide whether to be brown or green. What makes you think you're any better? You try to act smart by combining pompous arrogance and meaningless rhetoric. It never works, but you still tend to think so. You have a wild imagination! You probably still have hopes you'll be laid before you die. Repost this asap and let everyone know who you really are. If you're lucky, you'll be killed swiftly for it.
____________________________________________
----------JANUARY-------------------
You believe that personalities can be described by the month you were born. It's quite obvious that you are dimwitted but people patronize you because they love to hear what you say next. You're always the center of attention because people like to point and laugh at the hideous boil that bulges through the ass end of your pants.
Sound like everyone born in January so far?
----------FEBRUARY--------------------
You're not very deep. Your best friend took a drunken piss and it's puddle on a flat sidewalk is deeper than you. You try to compensate for your lack of social intelligence by making a series of unfunny and awkward jokes. Your friends rarely invite you to places with a lot of people in fear of being horribly embarassed by your inability to grasp awkward situations.
------------------MARCH------------------------
You're an asshole and you work minimum wage jobs. But you tell everyone else that you're an airline pilot that just got laid off which would explain why you drive a piece of shit AMC Gremlin. The opposite sex enjoys ignoring you because they feel its their civil duty to isolate you from society.
------------------APRIL-------------------
It's really easy for you to pass as a handicapped individual due to your poor posture and grotesque lack of intelligence. If you're alone downtown, people like to give you their spare change and tell you "Good luck" or "I hope you find a home soon."
-----------------MAY-----------------
You're a waste on society. You don't vote and you believe your destiny is controlled by the stars and planets. You're too dumb to do drugs but it certainly doesnt stop you from eating paint chips. You're political views are often radical and have hints that you long for a communist regime. You're opinionated and nobody really cares what you have to say.
------------JUNE-------------
You have no personality. Masturbating to an action movie is the best action you will have in your life. Your insecurities are almost as powerful as the other odors the eminate from your body everyday. Your a slave to routine which usually consists of porn, tv dinners, bathroom breaks and vigorous scratching in the crotch region. Your a person of real principles.
----------------JULY--------------
Not a year goes by where someone prays a horrible fireworks accident takes your life on the 4th of July. It would be strangely patriotic and well celebrated. You are living proof that public education schools DO produce dismal failures.
------------AUGUST---------------
You are a special kind of breed. You are tolerable for more than 10 minutes because you don't smell bad. But your conversations somehow always come back to your dark and deepest sexual fetishes. It creates the illusion to other people you can attract the opposite sex with relative ease because they assume that anyone you go for is poor trailer trash. Even thats too good for you.
------------SEPTEMBER---------------
It's always difficult to tell if you're male or female. You never fail to disappoint those around you. You're like a blackhole of failure and everyone affiliated with you gets dragged into the same sorry ass state as you.
---------------OCTOBER-------------------
Optimism is your best friend because reality would otherwise tell you that you have very little to offer in this lifetime. What you think usually isn't valued because everyone knows you didnt really think in the first place, you just merely take other people's words and make them your own. You look in the mirror and think you are the spitting image of William Shatner and that any day now you will get laid.
---------------NOVEMBER--------------------
The only reason why you exist is because your dad took advantage of your mom on Valentines day while she was drunk at a party. Thank's to the miracle of Vodka and cheap condoms, your existence can be thoroughly resented because you're a pathological liar. You tell amusing stories that usually center around you and often defy the laws of physics and logic.
---------------DECEMBER---------------
Things might have been better had you not been born. You get jealous easy over really stupid shit, and others find it hard to believe you're still alive. Your existence makes people question their religion and and the theory of evolution.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
That one is my favorite:)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Anyway, that is my collection of my favorite bulletins. Hope you enjoyed them if you didn't read them the first time I posted them. I hope that a few of you remembered them and enjoyed them a second time.
Action Moveis Are All the Same!
Date: Jan 27, 2006 11:07 AM
So I've been watching cheap action movies lately and They are always the same! Observe as I describe and foil all of the action movies you have seen. They generally all include these characteristics:
1. A good guy who doesn't "follow the rules"
2. Boss who is angry at the good guy for not "following the rules"
3. Bad guy makes good guy mad by generally killing or kidnapping a close friend or family member.
4. The good guy later gets a seemingly incompetent partner.
5. A lot of shit blows up, people get shot, cars crash.
6. The good guy and the bad guy have a showdown in a large factory/industrial complex that features steam coming out of various pipes and chains that hang from the ceiling.
7. The good guy kills every member of the bad guys gang/posse, starting with the ones with the least screen time.
8. The good guy kills the bad guy's invincible assassin/croney/first mate kind of guy. BUT gets beaten up and wounded in the process.
9. The good guy typically, kills the bad guy in a clever way using materials in the factory (chains, acid, pipes, power cables, etc.)
10. Of course the good guy always falls in love with whoever insulted him the most during the "plot"
11. Everyone is somehow unexplainably happy despite close friends, co workers, and family members being killed in the past 2 hours.
You know it's true.
Love,
Johnny
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
If You Like Shitty Movies....
Date: Feb 20, 2006 12:08 AM
So I just saw Final Destination 3. If you like movies where a lot of people die in really weird ways for no real logical reason, weak acting, with a weaker plot. Final Destination 3 just might be your movie. I never knew there was so many ways to kill 24 year olds posing to be teens in high school in really unnecessary ways until this movie enlightened me.
If you go, you can get all excited with some sort of distant hope that you might be scared by the end of the movie because it was just so deep and disturbing. After the movie really is over, you will find that you are dumber than you were for just watching it.
"Intellectual and Stimulating!"
You will not be saying any of those words after its done
My recommendation:
Don't pay 5-7 dollars to see it on a regular day.
Wait until it comes out in the dollar movies and when 50 cent monday's roll around, you can casually stroll in and see the first 15 minutes of the movie. You can even leave the movie at that point without thinking you're losing a lot of money. You won't have any obligation to stay through the whole thing.
Better yet, if youre patient, you can buy it for cheap at the movie store or steal a previewed copy from a thrift store. You will save a total of 3 dollars for your endeavors.
Enjoy.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
My Observations on Action Heroes and Such
Date: May 14, 2006 10:37 PM
So I got thinkin about supehero movies and comics. I found some things that perplexed me.
How is it that despite how good of a fighter the main superhero is, the bad guy is equally just as good?
Batman was trained by ninjas, Superman is invincible, Spiderman is damn near invincible, and yet the bad guys compete with such power. Even the nerdy mad scientist always manages to beat the shit out of Batman before Batman somehow cleverly defeats him in an abandoned wherehouse, featuring various steaming pipes and chains hanging from the ceiling. How is that exactly?
Sure it's fiction, but a ninja verse a social hermit genius?
Who is going to win logically?
And whats up with the henchman, croneys, and nameless bad guys? Why do they join up with the mad scientist guy? Are they getting paid? Judging by the popular thrift store clothing look, probably not. And who is that motivated to work for an evil genius against impossible odds like Superman? What is the incentive for them to go out to unload a clip on Superman's face which they know will not stop him at all. Followed by a hell of an asskicking by Superman. Which usually includes the guys getting thrown into brick walls at high volicities or neatly stacked rows of boxes. Are these men retarded? Do they not realize that in half an hours time they will be thwarted? Like always?
And why are diabolical geniuses so angry too? I suspect such geniuses were picked on as kids and probably made fun of at the ol' workplace during the day. I'm sure a good part of the ridicule was drawn from in the lunchroom from their steady diet of juiceboxes, cabbage, and a can of baked beans. But they always use their genius to something completely weird and pointless. Honestly, what kind of angry genius hangs out with penguins? Or developes a freeze gun? or better yet, what drives a man to dress up like a clown and have a dry sense of humor? Can't the bad guys at least wear a nice suit? They clearly have millions of dollars to invest in a doomsday device, what stops them from investing in a nice suit? And how is it that one person can develope a large bomb in 3 days where it takes the military years with hundereds of researchers. Every now and then you see the bad guy with a ton of guys in labcoats working hard. But they have to be contracted somehow? Perhaps a contracting company? What kind of contracting company wants in on world destruction? Especially if they are likely to be killed.
This is probably the nerdiest thing I have ever brought up in my life.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Those were my nerdy rants. Here comes my old ones on me destroying bulletins
--------------------------------------------------------
Your Attention Please! You're All Fuckin Stupid!Date: Aug 1, 2005 10:51 PM
So obviously now you've gotten this far, so now that you're here, I'd like to address dumbass bulletins once again but in more detail rather than my previous condensed points. Please read all the way through.
1. What is with these dumbass bulletins going around about a ghost boy or girl saying they are going to kill you if you don't repost the bulletin? Honestly, people, if there really are ghosts, I'm pretty sure they have better things to do then log on to myspace and harass people by threatening to murder them in their sleep. And I'm for damn sure that a dead person would not describe themselves with "scary eyes."
2. I absolutely hate the bulletins that are petitions testifying you believe in God and not posting the bulletin would otherwise insult the faith you practice and ultimately sending you to the pits of Hell. This seems like a very low way of trying to sort out atheists and pagans from people who practice popular religous factions. Now, I am not atheist, but I do not need a bulletin telling me that I do not believe in God if I do not repost a stupid bulletin. In no way, shape, or from should there be bulletins made to even attempt to reflect someone's personal beliefs. To me it seems more blasphemous than righteous to speak for God Himself by hinting that by not posting a bulletin, you do not believe the faith you practice. So in short, Grow up you dipshits.
3. Why are there so many cheesy ass bulletins with some really lame, poorly written story attached about a boy and girl that are so in love that they fail to tell each other but one of them HAS to die in order for them to see it. And of course there is always some sort of secret note hidden that one of the widowed teenage persons finds close by the dead body of their "loved one." Then of course if you don't repost that bulletin you are doomed to bad love forever or 10 years or some random number. BUT if you do repost it, you will be loved in ten minutes, no joke. Who ever makes these dumb bulletins should be thrown off a bridge into icy water followed by target practice with bricks from the people above. Seriously, stop posting these! They are all the same! Really. I can guarantee that whether or not you post that will have no effect on your love life in the coming years. And the worst part is, that these bulletins or chains don't even have a novelty factor. It's not one of those "this is so cute," or "this is worth your time reading," or even "this is so dumb it's funny" sort of deals. It's just dumb and a waste of my time and many other people's time.
4. Ok, how many times does Tom or anyone with half a brain have to explain this? At least once a week I see a bulletin that says myspace will be cancelled, or you will be charged or some stupid shit like that. Just realize that if you believed all this from some random person, then logically if you lived in any other country than America, you probably would have been killed years ago because you're so gullible. These are the same people who enjoy jigsaw puzzles thoroughly with an IQ of 70 and people who get inspired by motivational posters. Chances are if all it takes to inspire you is a cheap saying and a pretty picture, than that probably means you have a job so easy that robots will be doing it soon. None of those rumors are true, and nor will they be true
Ok, so maybe I've ranted enough now. But seriously, stop posting stupid chain bulletins that waste my time and other's time. That way maybe I can actually read the bulletins I would actually care to read and I'm sure others feel the same. If you have any comments I would surely like to hear about them. Message me or something.
Sincerely,
Johnny W.
Please note that I may repost this a couple of times so as many people can read it as possible
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
This thing needs more negatives
Date: Nov 7, 2005 1:01 PM
J- Everyone loves you.
O- You love foreplay
H- You have very good personality and looks
N- You are very "FUN".
N - You are very "FUN".
Y - You never let people tell you what to do
NOW YOU TRY!
A - You always want some action.
B - You are always cautious when it comes to meeting new people.
C - You definitely have a partier side in you.
D - You have trouble trusting people.
E - You are popular with all types of people.
F - Fake.
G - You are very friendly and undestanding.
H - You have very good personality and looks.
I - Love is something you deeply believe in.
J - Everyone loves you.
K - You like to try new things.
L - You are always smiling and making others smile.
M - Success comes easily to you.
N - You are very "FUN".
O - You love foreplay.
P - You are very friendly and undestanding.
Q - You are a hypocrite.
R - You are a social butterfly.
S - People think you are sexy, especially your bf/gf.
T - You have an attitude, a big one.
U - You usally r hella tight.
V - You are not jusgemental.
W - You are very broad minded.
X - You always make every experience great
Y - You never let people tell you what to do.
Z- You're uber cool.
-------------------------------------------------------
They need more negatives in here don't you think? Like:
A- You rarely get laid because of your fake personality.
B- People hate you because of your support for Al-Qaida.
C- You're really lame in bed and probably have an STD.
D- You're ugly and need to stop trying to be attractive.
E- Everyone smiles to your face but talks behind your back.
F- You can't stop eating because you're fat but blame it on genetics.
G- You only get action when you masturbate to an action movie.
H- You have about as much intelligence as the pile of shit you stepped in the other day.
I- Urinal cakes tend to smell better than you.
J- You try too hard to be funny.
K- Cartoons are your only friend.
L- You're socially awkward and spend many weekends alone.
M- You have a great personality, but the looks of horses butthole.
N- You're a dateless wonder but you tell everyone else you're just picky.
O- You're only optimistic to cover up the fact you suck at everything.
P- People walk all over you because you can't say no
Q- You're not good at listening to other people because you only care about yourself.
R- You settle for less because you really are a loser.
S- Everyone knows you're incredibly insecure but yourself.
T- You have a small penis and/or really unnattractive breasts.
U- You need a life if you're still reading this
V- No matter how intoxicated someone is, they can still see you're ugly
W- You base you're personality off of bulletins and chain letters because you don't know who you are yet.
X- The closest you ever got to getting laid was your last physical from your doctor.
Y- You cover up your secret homosexual tendencies by acting like a hardass.
Z- Nobody respects you because you are a habitual liar.
Yeah I'm really bored. If you thought this was funny in someway, let me know! Message me.
Johnny W.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm rewriting this "choose your eye color and month" bullshit
Date: Feb 20, 2006 10:40 PM
Yeah, I'm tired of these lame ass things. They are only accurate because every one of them says the same thing, just different wording. Then its followed by some sort of stupid prediction. This is how it really should be
Love,
Johnny
-----------blue eyes----------
People with blue eyes are often repulsive drunks in denial. It's possible people don't like you because you practice poor hygeine and have a poor personality to back your shallow standards. Being fake is probably your favorite past time. That way everyone looks past the fact you haven't matured past the age of 12. If you repost this, in 7 days you will realize a week has gone by and jackshit has still yet to happen in your life.
-------brown eyes-------
People with brown eyes have a mysterious obsession with their own poop. That's often because that's the only thing worse than you and you figure you can at least walk all over it if it makes you angry. You're typically physically unattractive and socially awkward. You really know how to kill a good conversation and to embarass the people around you. If you repost this in 5 days, you'll realize that everyone now knows you're dumbass for believing these stupid bulletins and reposting them.
--------green eyes----------
You are probably beautiful beyond all reason, but it's likely that piles of shit are smarter than you. You are really flaky and rarely attempt to get anything done hoping that someone else will do it for you. If you had a relationship, your spouse/significant other would probably kill you just to gain money off your insurance policy. If you repost this, in three days nothing will happen, but you'll probably be dumb enough to think this was reverse psychology and will probably wait for something to happen.
---------hazel eyes------------
You are ridiculously indecisive. Your eyes obviously couldn't decide whether to be brown or green. What makes you think you're any better? You try to act smart by combining pompous arrogance and meaningless rhetoric. It never works, but you still tend to think so. You have a wild imagination! You probably still have hopes you'll be laid before you die. Repost this asap and let everyone know who you really are. If you're lucky, you'll be killed swiftly for it.
____________________________________________
----------JANUARY-------------------
You believe that personalities can be described by the month you were born. It's quite obvious that you are dimwitted but people patronize you because they love to hear what you say next. You're always the center of attention because people like to point and laugh at the hideous boil that bulges through the ass end of your pants.
Sound like everyone born in January so far?
----------FEBRUARY--------------------
You're not very deep. Your best friend took a drunken piss and it's puddle on a flat sidewalk is deeper than you. You try to compensate for your lack of social intelligence by making a series of unfunny and awkward jokes. Your friends rarely invite you to places with a lot of people in fear of being horribly embarassed by your inability to grasp awkward situations.
------------------MARCH------------------------
You're an asshole and you work minimum wage jobs. But you tell everyone else that you're an airline pilot that just got laid off which would explain why you drive a piece of shit AMC Gremlin. The opposite sex enjoys ignoring you because they feel its their civil duty to isolate you from society.
------------------APRIL-------------------
It's really easy for you to pass as a handicapped individual due to your poor posture and grotesque lack of intelligence. If you're alone downtown, people like to give you their spare change and tell you "Good luck" or "I hope you find a home soon."
-----------------MAY-----------------
You're a waste on society. You don't vote and you believe your destiny is controlled by the stars and planets. You're too dumb to do drugs but it certainly doesnt stop you from eating paint chips. You're political views are often radical and have hints that you long for a communist regime. You're opinionated and nobody really cares what you have to say.
------------JUNE-------------
You have no personality. Masturbating to an action movie is the best action you will have in your life. Your insecurities are almost as powerful as the other odors the eminate from your body everyday. Your a slave to routine which usually consists of porn, tv dinners, bathroom breaks and vigorous scratching in the crotch region. Your a person of real principles.
----------------JULY--------------
Not a year goes by where someone prays a horrible fireworks accident takes your life on the 4th of July. It would be strangely patriotic and well celebrated. You are living proof that public education schools DO produce dismal failures.
------------AUGUST---------------
You are a special kind of breed. You are tolerable for more than 10 minutes because you don't smell bad. But your conversations somehow always come back to your dark and deepest sexual fetishes. It creates the illusion to other people you can attract the opposite sex with relative ease because they assume that anyone you go for is poor trailer trash. Even thats too good for you.
------------SEPTEMBER---------------
It's always difficult to tell if you're male or female. You never fail to disappoint those around you. You're like a blackhole of failure and everyone affiliated with you gets dragged into the same sorry ass state as you.
---------------OCTOBER-------------------
Optimism is your best friend because reality would otherwise tell you that you have very little to offer in this lifetime. What you think usually isn't valued because everyone knows you didnt really think in the first place, you just merely take other people's words and make them your own. You look in the mirror and think you are the spitting image of William Shatner and that any day now you will get laid.
---------------NOVEMBER--------------------
The only reason why you exist is because your dad took advantage of your mom on Valentines day while she was drunk at a party. Thank's to the miracle of Vodka and cheap condoms, your existence can be thoroughly resented because you're a pathological liar. You tell amusing stories that usually center around you and often defy the laws of physics and logic.
---------------DECEMBER---------------
Things might have been better had you not been born. You get jealous easy over really stupid shit, and others find it hard to believe you're still alive. Your existence makes people question their religion and and the theory of evolution.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
That one is my favorite:)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Anyway, that is my collection of my favorite bulletins. Hope you enjoyed them if you didn't read them the first time I posted them. I hope that a few of you remembered them and enjoyed them a second time.
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
You'll Never Understand The Opposite Sex You Fool!
Thats right, I said it. You can never possibly understand the opposite sex. We are both blinded by our own arrogance. Some people think that men are just defective women. Basically a woman with a penis. Others think that women are defective men. Or a man with a pocket. We can't possibly think that we are the same people with different body parts. It just doesn't work like that. I don't remember the last time I watched the superbowl with a woman and heard her say "Hey, how about after the superbowl, we watch some porn and then go pick a fight. Hell, we should get drunk afterwards just to celebrate!" That's definitely not something a woman would say (usually). Hence, she is not a man without a penis. I don't remember the last time I heard any guy say "Hey how about we go eat ice cream, watch a few chick flicks, then go in my basement and call some guys while reading magazines" I haven't even heard a gay guy say that.
There truly is differences between us. However understanding the differences can mean understanding each other just a little bit. Not much so don't get your hopes up. Here is some differences I have picked out that you may recognize.
1. Excuses
Women: They always have excuses right on hand. Even if they are possibly the most outrageous science defying stories ever, they somehow work most of the time. Example: If a guy asks something as simple as "Why were you late?" be prepared for the story of a lifetime.
Woman: Why was I late? Why was I not late? First I was driving down the street when I almost hit this one guy. Then I went to the store and it turns out I had to help unload the milk truck. Then my friend called me, her boyfriend just broke up with her so I talked to her for a little bit. And its all because I only got 4 hours of sleep!"
Sound familiar? Probably not. But you get what I mean. They are always ready to talk with some sort of story.
Men: Men have excuses. But they are short. There is no story behind them most of the time. Nothing juicy. You ask a guy why he was late and it's usually a sentence.
Man: I was late because I had to help my mom move, sorry.
That's it. Nothing to it. There's no background info. Theres nothing like "I had to help my mom move because she hurt her back, then we went to lunch at this really good restaurant that you have to try. Then we took another break because we were so tired. Then I looked at the clock and realized I was late. I was like oh my God, I'm late."
2. Food
Women: I don't know a lot of women who are my size that will try to eat more than me. Not necessarily a bad thing. But women tend to hide how much they can eat until they get married. Then the pounds add up faster than a blink of an eye. Until that time it's always a salad, or maybe a little cheeseburger. You can take them to an expensive restaurant and it will still be a salad and a nibble on the 40 dollar steak.
Men: Men aren't nearly as self conscious half the time. Most men can enjoy a 40 dollar steak and eat it like it was their last meal in the presence of an attractive woman. Some do this in the knowing that this may not get them a good night kiss or any form of contact later on. But they are spending the money on the meal so why not enjoy it, right?
3. Driving
Women: Men are scared of women's driving a lot of the time. And it's not always because of the poor musical taste of the girl during ride. Women drive like no one else is on the road while creating the illusion they are being sensible cutting the guy off who "isn't going fast enough." Women are rational drivers. Everything that is done is rationalized somehow in the form of an excuse. "That guy is too slow" "That lady wouldn't get out of the way" "That light didn't stay green long enough" "That person shouldn't have been crossing the street while I was driving through"
Men: Men generally realize they are bad drivers because they are more risky. There is no excuse for the way they drive. It's just "I'm going to cut this guy off in front of the cop while my buddy moons the cars on the other side of me because it would be fun" And usually that is fun. It's a blast! Men drive risky most of the time for the rush of getting caught or almost getting in a horrible accident that will be on the evening news. Somehow this impresses some girls. I don't know how, but it does.
4. Problems
Women: Problems for women is a lot like some sort of bad tasting chocolate they can't put down. They hate being a part of it, they hate it to happen to people they know, but damn it they do love to listen to it and give advice that would seem almost like drunk talk to the average person.
Woman 1: My boyfriend broke up with me. I'm so hurt.
Woman 2: Maybe it's because he is just trying to get over you because he loves playing rugby so much
Woman 1: He doesn't play rugby..........but you're probably right.
The thing about women is, they love to talk about it more than they like to solve it. It's talked about and drug out for soooo long. Analyzing every facet of the situation like there is some sort of symbolic meaning with each word said.
Men: Problems to men are just problems that don't have solutions yet. Men like to fix things. They like answers and solutions. Not maybe's or what if's. It's just that simple.
Man 1: I think my girlfriend is cheating on me. What should I do?
Man 2: Dump that bitch and you, me and everyone else will have a boys night out. Take it easy for a while and go out and meet more women when you're ready.
Man 1: You're right. It's a good thing that wasn't needlessly complicated or drug out for the sake of mere attention and conversation.
5. Emotions
Women: There is no explanation as to why some women are more emotional and others are seemlingly emotionless and cold. There is no way to pinpoint that. Womens emotions are all about complete balance. If something is out of line, so is everything else usually. Like a stand of christmas lights, if one bulb goes out, so do the rest. How do you handle it? You don't. You just roll over and give up. Fighting the emotions of a woman is a lot like the Flintstones going to war with the Jetsons. There is no winning scenario for the Flintstones except for overwhelming destruction. Am I serious? No. But I'm not the one to tell you how to handle the emotions of women.
Men: Men have emotions that come and go. The simple ones are the easiest to see. If he looks happy, then he's probably happy. If he looks pissed, then he is probably pissed. There is no guessing game with that. It's the deeper emotions that are usually a mystery. Maybe the stress, family problems, personal dissatisfaction. It takes time to reach that. You can't just ask what's wrong and instantly expect him to put out an answer like it's easy to talk about. Men's emotions are simple generally. But many people look too deep for what isn't there. We aren't like women in the fact there isn't a huge hidden meaning or story behind the emotion. It's just raw emotion, plain and simple.
Does this help? No. Not at all. This list of horrible stereotypes will bring you no closer to understanding the opposite sex. You're pretty much screwed and on your own no matter how good of oppinions you may think you have. But I did have fun writing this and I hope you gained some amount entertainment reading it. If you haven't subscribe, I hope you take the time to do so. I really appreciate those who read my blogs consistantly and tell me what they think of my writing. Thanks for reading and puttin up with this!
There truly is differences between us. However understanding the differences can mean understanding each other just a little bit. Not much so don't get your hopes up. Here is some differences I have picked out that you may recognize.
1. Excuses
Women: They always have excuses right on hand. Even if they are possibly the most outrageous science defying stories ever, they somehow work most of the time. Example: If a guy asks something as simple as "Why were you late?" be prepared for the story of a lifetime.
Woman: Why was I late? Why was I not late? First I was driving down the street when I almost hit this one guy. Then I went to the store and it turns out I had to help unload the milk truck. Then my friend called me, her boyfriend just broke up with her so I talked to her for a little bit. And its all because I only got 4 hours of sleep!"
Sound familiar? Probably not. But you get what I mean. They are always ready to talk with some sort of story.
Men: Men have excuses. But they are short. There is no story behind them most of the time. Nothing juicy. You ask a guy why he was late and it's usually a sentence.
Man: I was late because I had to help my mom move, sorry.
That's it. Nothing to it. There's no background info. Theres nothing like "I had to help my mom move because she hurt her back, then we went to lunch at this really good restaurant that you have to try. Then we took another break because we were so tired. Then I looked at the clock and realized I was late. I was like oh my God, I'm late."
2. Food
Women: I don't know a lot of women who are my size that will try to eat more than me. Not necessarily a bad thing. But women tend to hide how much they can eat until they get married. Then the pounds add up faster than a blink of an eye. Until that time it's always a salad, or maybe a little cheeseburger. You can take them to an expensive restaurant and it will still be a salad and a nibble on the 40 dollar steak.
Men: Men aren't nearly as self conscious half the time. Most men can enjoy a 40 dollar steak and eat it like it was their last meal in the presence of an attractive woman. Some do this in the knowing that this may not get them a good night kiss or any form of contact later on. But they are spending the money on the meal so why not enjoy it, right?
3. Driving
Women: Men are scared of women's driving a lot of the time. And it's not always because of the poor musical taste of the girl during ride. Women drive like no one else is on the road while creating the illusion they are being sensible cutting the guy off who "isn't going fast enough." Women are rational drivers. Everything that is done is rationalized somehow in the form of an excuse. "That guy is too slow" "That lady wouldn't get out of the way" "That light didn't stay green long enough" "That person shouldn't have been crossing the street while I was driving through"
Men: Men generally realize they are bad drivers because they are more risky. There is no excuse for the way they drive. It's just "I'm going to cut this guy off in front of the cop while my buddy moons the cars on the other side of me because it would be fun" And usually that is fun. It's a blast! Men drive risky most of the time for the rush of getting caught or almost getting in a horrible accident that will be on the evening news. Somehow this impresses some girls. I don't know how, but it does.
4. Problems
Women: Problems for women is a lot like some sort of bad tasting chocolate they can't put down. They hate being a part of it, they hate it to happen to people they know, but damn it they do love to listen to it and give advice that would seem almost like drunk talk to the average person.
Woman 1: My boyfriend broke up with me. I'm so hurt.
Woman 2: Maybe it's because he is just trying to get over you because he loves playing rugby so much
Woman 1: He doesn't play rugby..........but you're probably right.
The thing about women is, they love to talk about it more than they like to solve it. It's talked about and drug out for soooo long. Analyzing every facet of the situation like there is some sort of symbolic meaning with each word said.
Men: Problems to men are just problems that don't have solutions yet. Men like to fix things. They like answers and solutions. Not maybe's or what if's. It's just that simple.
Man 1: I think my girlfriend is cheating on me. What should I do?
Man 2: Dump that bitch and you, me and everyone else will have a boys night out. Take it easy for a while and go out and meet more women when you're ready.
Man 1: You're right. It's a good thing that wasn't needlessly complicated or drug out for the sake of mere attention and conversation.
5. Emotions
Women: There is no explanation as to why some women are more emotional and others are seemlingly emotionless and cold. There is no way to pinpoint that. Womens emotions are all about complete balance. If something is out of line, so is everything else usually. Like a stand of christmas lights, if one bulb goes out, so do the rest. How do you handle it? You don't. You just roll over and give up. Fighting the emotions of a woman is a lot like the Flintstones going to war with the Jetsons. There is no winning scenario for the Flintstones except for overwhelming destruction. Am I serious? No. But I'm not the one to tell you how to handle the emotions of women.
Men: Men have emotions that come and go. The simple ones are the easiest to see. If he looks happy, then he's probably happy. If he looks pissed, then he is probably pissed. There is no guessing game with that. It's the deeper emotions that are usually a mystery. Maybe the stress, family problems, personal dissatisfaction. It takes time to reach that. You can't just ask what's wrong and instantly expect him to put out an answer like it's easy to talk about. Men's emotions are simple generally. But many people look too deep for what isn't there. We aren't like women in the fact there isn't a huge hidden meaning or story behind the emotion. It's just raw emotion, plain and simple.
Does this help? No. Not at all. This list of horrible stereotypes will bring you no closer to understanding the opposite sex. You're pretty much screwed and on your own no matter how good of oppinions you may think you have. But I did have fun writing this and I hope you gained some amount entertainment reading it. If you haven't subscribe, I hope you take the time to do so. I really appreciate those who read my blogs consistantly and tell me what they think of my writing. Thanks for reading and puttin up with this!
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Updated Me: Version 7.16
The tests of life are a lot like getting dumped by a crummy boyfriend/girlfriend, but you don't realize how much good it was for you until much later. My patience, temper, and stress levels have definitely been put to the test the past little while. Mostly my crap ass job has been putting this to the test. This month was more than I could stand. Filled with stories featuring incompetent middle aged supervisors with nothing to live for and nurses without a soul. It came to the point where I completely snapped and yelled at my supervisor. And I don't mean "yell" as in I sat down with my supervisor, had a genuine intelligent conversation about my treatment at the workplace. It was the first time in my entire life where I had raised my voice in anger towards another person with the intention of mentally destroying them. Despite my angerous lashing, nothing was accomplished. I felt more depleted and stressed. I was just going to quit my job for a while and hope to get a new one. Before I did that, I was going to report that supervisor to the director of human resources, hoping that there would be severe consequences for the actions taken. I feared losing my job anyway for the way I had acted. The one time in my life, I explode is the time it could cost me my job. The next day, I got offered a job at Alta View Hospital as a Clinical Lab Assistant. I gratefully accepted and decided to not turn in my supervisor. But I did vow to be particularl lazy and less caring about my job. So far so good.
Finally, the day I had longed for. The day I could leave the job I have now and do something new and different. A burden feels lifted from me in a way. I have been waiting for this day for almost year after countless interviews and broken hopes. On top of that, if it wasn't for my friends keeping me sane, having late night fires and adventures, I probably would have snapped a long time ago and probably more often. Thanks to all of them! I feel great now. Next month I will be starting an EMT class and probably taking more of my college classes with my good amigos. It will definitely help the semester go by faster and easier. Things are starting to shape up the way I want for now. I realize that things will go back to being stressful and what not. That's life. But I feel recharged and ready for more of what life has to offer me. :)
I miss Local. That store was a big piece of my life. I never realized how much I went there until it was gone and had no where to go. I miss the people greatly. The people that made it fun and worth while. I miss staying up late and watching movies and watching Allred practice. I miss talking with Eric in a witty fashion and speaking with Erin about any opinion that comes to mind. I miss Courtney's upbeat personality and John's rants. I miss Shila in the way she made it seem like I was somehow funny a lot. I am definitely proud to have been a part of the music that makes up a part of my life and I'm proud to have helped and worked with the people I did there. It meant a lot to me and I will always miss it. It may not seem like a big deal to some people, but to me it was something that I will surely never forget.
The other day I was driving with one of my friends. We were talking about something casual when my friend noticed the people in front of us being all cuddly and what not. He blurted some angry comments about how he hated happy couples and how he wanted something like that. He was jealous. I didn't think anything of it. I haven't at all recently. At this point in my life, I realized that girls are a bonus but not a necessity. I couldn't even think about me being tied to a girl right now. Honestly, I'm sure it would be great. It could be something different. Could be something I could use. But it's something that hasn't been on my mind at all the past few months. I've gotten over a couple of individuals recently and I have never felt better. I haven't really found anyone worth dating and it hasn't bothered at all. Those feelings of loneliness come and go but right now, I'm happy knowing that I'm in no rush and eventually to some degree, maybe my patience will pay off like it has before. I'm not going to go out of my way looking for something to throw myself into. This part of the blog may possibly be the most pointless. But it helped me realize that it has put my mind at ease to not worry about things like this and to just live life and let whatever happens happen. I'm excited for the future and what tomorrow's possibilities bring. Good or bad, I feel just a little stronger than I did a few months ago and even more so than a year ago.
And that is my life update as of now you silly shits.
Subscribe and enjoy. :)
Finally, the day I had longed for. The day I could leave the job I have now and do something new and different. A burden feels lifted from me in a way. I have been waiting for this day for almost year after countless interviews and broken hopes. On top of that, if it wasn't for my friends keeping me sane, having late night fires and adventures, I probably would have snapped a long time ago and probably more often. Thanks to all of them! I feel great now. Next month I will be starting an EMT class and probably taking more of my college classes with my good amigos. It will definitely help the semester go by faster and easier. Things are starting to shape up the way I want for now. I realize that things will go back to being stressful and what not. That's life. But I feel recharged and ready for more of what life has to offer me. :)
I miss Local. That store was a big piece of my life. I never realized how much I went there until it was gone and had no where to go. I miss the people greatly. The people that made it fun and worth while. I miss staying up late and watching movies and watching Allred practice. I miss talking with Eric in a witty fashion and speaking with Erin about any opinion that comes to mind. I miss Courtney's upbeat personality and John's rants. I miss Shila in the way she made it seem like I was somehow funny a lot. I am definitely proud to have been a part of the music that makes up a part of my life and I'm proud to have helped and worked with the people I did there. It meant a lot to me and I will always miss it. It may not seem like a big deal to some people, but to me it was something that I will surely never forget.
The other day I was driving with one of my friends. We were talking about something casual when my friend noticed the people in front of us being all cuddly and what not. He blurted some angry comments about how he hated happy couples and how he wanted something like that. He was jealous. I didn't think anything of it. I haven't at all recently. At this point in my life, I realized that girls are a bonus but not a necessity. I couldn't even think about me being tied to a girl right now. Honestly, I'm sure it would be great. It could be something different. Could be something I could use. But it's something that hasn't been on my mind at all the past few months. I've gotten over a couple of individuals recently and I have never felt better. I haven't really found anyone worth dating and it hasn't bothered at all. Those feelings of loneliness come and go but right now, I'm happy knowing that I'm in no rush and eventually to some degree, maybe my patience will pay off like it has before. I'm not going to go out of my way looking for something to throw myself into. This part of the blog may possibly be the most pointless. But it helped me realize that it has put my mind at ease to not worry about things like this and to just live life and let whatever happens happen. I'm excited for the future and what tomorrow's possibilities bring. Good or bad, I feel just a little stronger than I did a few months ago and even more so than a year ago.
And that is my life update as of now you silly shits.
Subscribe and enjoy. :)
I Waste Your Time Because It Brings Me Joy
I like July. I can go as far to say its probably my favorite month of the year. There is so many different ways to enjoy the month. The way you can walk outside at any time of the day and never feel cold. The way you can have your car window rolled down at 3 A.M just take in the mild summer air. The way the rain smells after it hits the warm pavement. The way the wind moves around your body instead of cutting through it like winter air. The way you can almost always smell fireworks in the distance for most of the month. The way you can always hear little kids laughing and screaming enjoying themselves. So many ways. Looking at little kids have fun this time of year kind of makes you appreciate your own childhood. How much easier it was then. The only thing you had to worry about was avoiding chores all day. Other than that, your best friend was typically the one with the personality closest to yours and with the cooler toys and video games than yours. You didn't have to worry about getting a job or what the opposite sex thought of you. (ewwww cooties) July was that magical time of the year that you lived up because in August you were doing back to school shopping. I guess now if you're in college you do relatively the same thing. 4th of July always seems to get better too. The one day of the year where you can blow shit up, get drunk, eat ridiculous amounts of greesy foods, while possibly having heat stroke at the same time. New years can't compete! New Years, you get drunk while freezing off valuable body parts. And if you're lucky you're the one lighting off illegal fireworks when it strikes 12 instead of watching them from a distance while you're asshole neighber bangs pots and pans in your ears. Is there anything July can't do?
If you live in Utah you get to celebrate the 24th of July. The 24th of July basically celebrates the day Utah was admitted to the union as part of the United States. Its a second 4th of July with a slightly different reason. Does anybody ever think of that when they celebrate the 24th? At least once during the 4th of July you think of something semi-patriotic. Maybe George Washington, the revolutionary war. And yes even Uncle Same counts. I don't think I have once celebrated the 24th of July and thought
"Woo Hoo for Utah! Lets all drink beer and get hydrated!"
or
"That Brigham Young was on to something when he founded this place and made sure that the state closed down completely on Sunday and at 9pm on the weekends! Thank you!"
or even
"To Utah! May your winter seasons be unforgivingly cold, your summers unforgettably hot and your women completely untouchable!"
I could go on.............
But that would be wrong of me since I do like to celebrate the 24th of July. I see it as a second chance to do all the shit I didn' get to do on the 4th. Redemption if you will.
I'm sure you're wondering by this point if this blog is going to go anywhere.......the answer is no. But to be hoenst, I tried writing this blog once before. My sister scared the crap out of me and I accidentally clicked out of the blog. It was a lot like this but better. So I thought I should try to recreate it. There was very little success. In any case, I'm done wasting your time. The next one will be filled with a little more meaning. Which I'm sure I will be writing almost directly after this one.
Enjoy.
If you live in Utah you get to celebrate the 24th of July. The 24th of July basically celebrates the day Utah was admitted to the union as part of the United States. Its a second 4th of July with a slightly different reason. Does anybody ever think of that when they celebrate the 24th? At least once during the 4th of July you think of something semi-patriotic. Maybe George Washington, the revolutionary war. And yes even Uncle Same counts. I don't think I have once celebrated the 24th of July and thought
"Woo Hoo for Utah! Lets all drink beer and get hydrated!"
or
"That Brigham Young was on to something when he founded this place and made sure that the state closed down completely on Sunday and at 9pm on the weekends! Thank you!"
or even
"To Utah! May your winter seasons be unforgivingly cold, your summers unforgettably hot and your women completely untouchable!"
I could go on.............
But that would be wrong of me since I do like to celebrate the 24th of July. I see it as a second chance to do all the shit I didn' get to do on the 4th. Redemption if you will.
I'm sure you're wondering by this point if this blog is going to go anywhere.......the answer is no. But to be hoenst, I tried writing this blog once before. My sister scared the crap out of me and I accidentally clicked out of the blog. It was a lot like this but better. So I thought I should try to recreate it. There was very little success. In any case, I'm done wasting your time. The next one will be filled with a little more meaning. Which I'm sure I will be writing almost directly after this one.
Enjoy.
Monday, June 12, 2006
The Summer Wind is Strangely Nostalgic
Writing seems to be my only escape from the shackles of reality and work the past few months. Music used to be my outlet. But that outlet feels ineffiicient recently. Writing is the way I express myself good or bad and it feels as though a weight has been lifted off my chest every time I do.
Well I guess this is the update of my life in June. For some reason, I'm more stressed than I should be. It's summer and I love it. I've had adventures and a lot of fun so far. The summer wind brings back so many memories. It's odd how it does. The second the wind sweeps my body, it's like I travel back in time instantly. I can be brought back as far as 6th grade riding my bike in front of the church that's up the street from me. I can be brought back to last year, feeling refreshed and relieved that high school is over. Strange to think that I've been out of high school for a year now. Not that I miss it. But it sure is a sobering reminder of how fast life can pass you by. But that's not a worry. Lately, it feels like I should be somewher else. Deep inside, I know something big is coming soon. I tell myself that I'm due for a miracle. Something to pull myself from where I am. I hope it's a new job. Or maybe even a girl worth meeting since this state has an extreme lack of that. The job is more important though. It's what I want and it's not like I'm not trying either. It's like I'm feeling stressed and I can't pinpoint exactly what's making me tick. What is making me feel this way. I'm not really an uptight guy either. It's strange. The more I think about it, the more I feel like I'm running on a treadmill. I can run as fast as I want, as hard as I can, with all my effort, and still get no where. Thats what I feel like. I'm not going in circles because that would mean new events would happen but somehow bring me back to the beginning. It's more like it's the same shit and I'm a dead float in the water. I just know inside that something is coming. I don't know what. And hopefully it's good. But I know something is coming. It's a feeling I can't describe.
In time, I know I'll find my answers. They're out there. But in the meantime I guess I'll wait for the wind to carry me away from this dead float.
Well I guess this is the update of my life in June. For some reason, I'm more stressed than I should be. It's summer and I love it. I've had adventures and a lot of fun so far. The summer wind brings back so many memories. It's odd how it does. The second the wind sweeps my body, it's like I travel back in time instantly. I can be brought back as far as 6th grade riding my bike in front of the church that's up the street from me. I can be brought back to last year, feeling refreshed and relieved that high school is over. Strange to think that I've been out of high school for a year now. Not that I miss it. But it sure is a sobering reminder of how fast life can pass you by. But that's not a worry. Lately, it feels like I should be somewher else. Deep inside, I know something big is coming soon. I tell myself that I'm due for a miracle. Something to pull myself from where I am. I hope it's a new job. Or maybe even a girl worth meeting since this state has an extreme lack of that. The job is more important though. It's what I want and it's not like I'm not trying either. It's like I'm feeling stressed and I can't pinpoint exactly what's making me tick. What is making me feel this way. I'm not really an uptight guy either. It's strange. The more I think about it, the more I feel like I'm running on a treadmill. I can run as fast as I want, as hard as I can, with all my effort, and still get no where. Thats what I feel like. I'm not going in circles because that would mean new events would happen but somehow bring me back to the beginning. It's more like it's the same shit and I'm a dead float in the water. I just know inside that something is coming. I don't know what. And hopefully it's good. But I know something is coming. It's a feeling I can't describe.
In time, I know I'll find my answers. They're out there. But in the meantime I guess I'll wait for the wind to carry me away from this dead float.
Friday, June 9, 2006
Advice for the Unethical, the Mediocre, and the Lazy
If you're reading this, then chances are you are unethical, mediocre, or lazy. Maybe even all of the above plus being disgruntled and unmotivated! There is even the possibility that you are not any of the above but are curious as to what kind of advice lazy, mediocre, and unethical people would take. Well I've been pretty bored at work lately and I've compiled some ways to keep sane at work if a vacation isn't in the near future.
1. So lets just say you're stressed and your next vacation away from work isn't for a while, how do you find the strength to go on? Here is a good way to keep pushing forward. Chances are, there is someone in your workplace that you cannot stand. Most likely a co-worker you see most of the days you work. They don't have to be mean in order to be intolerable. They can be empty-headed morons with a personality of a bratty 12 year old girl. I suggest ignoring that person or avoiding contact with that individual as much as you can. For some workplaces, it's impossible to not talk to your co-workers. So if you have to speak, make it brief and bland and keep the sentences under 6 words long. 3 words for optimal results. It may not be a classy trip to Europe. But it's a step back from insanity. Ignoring annoying co-workers can make it feel like you're at least partly away from work. I've tried it before and it worked wonders. If you want to be a bastard about it, you can make it obvious you're ignoring. Walk past them when they greet you. Or if you have to, act sick one on one and in the presence of other people be extremely animated and "unsick." If you shift this behavior back and forth, they may get the point and leave you alone longer than you intended. Thats a bonus!
2. Do you not care about your job to the point it doesn't matter who you run your mouth off to but you care enough not to get fired? Well this can help make your policy more enjoyable! I suggest being generally unpleasant to the co-workers you don't know or care for much. There is less of a chance they will try to pawn their work off on you or ask you for help. Which leaves you in this neutral zone. But beware: too much unpleasantness makes you an asshole, and people will have no problem screwing you over. Not enough unpleasantness and people think you just had a bad day and it won't happen often. You must find the middle of being unpleasant. You have to make it to the point where people accept that may be just the way you are and it can be humorous to other people watching. Be a smart ass to your co-workers and even test your supervisors limits by making indirect smart ass comments while talking to them. If you get written up or got a firm lecture, you've gone too far. But if you annoyed them to the point it was a minor verbal warning, you're in the clear. Now you may ask, "Why would I do this?" That is a good legitimate question. If you have annoyed everyone in earshot for a month, this sets you up for a good job. So lets say you interview for a different job at a major corporation and this corporation calls your current job to get an idea of what you're like from your current supervisor. This does happen. But here is the best part. Your supervisor has 2 choices. They can either talk you up like you're the star employee and get you the hell out of their hair..........or they can give you a bad reference and keep you around for another 3 months and listen to you bitch some more. Not a hard decision for even the most ignorant supervisor.
3. A little tired of the job? Disgruntled perhaps? Been their for too long? Well my friend, a new job is around the corner I'm sure. But in the meantime, express yourself at work! Express your unhappiness at work in more than just bitching and moaning. If you have access to a computer with a screensaver, I suggest changing the screensaver setting to the "marquee" setting. At that point, you type really unmotivating phrases and quotes. Don't have any ideas? Let me fuel you with some to get started.
Overachievement: the tallest blade of grass is the first to get cut down
Mediocrity: It takes less time and no one notices until it's too late
If you can't learn to do something well, learn to enjoy doing it poorly
The harder you try, the dumber you look
Get back to work! You're not getting paid to believe in the power of your dreams!
You're unique....just like everyone else
Until you spread your wings, you will have no idea how far you can walk
Not everyone gets to be an astronaut or a doctor when they grow up
Unmotivational screensaving is a victimless action. I've done it myself and the results bring me joy. If you keep an amount of secrecy, it's fun to watch people try to blame others for who might have done it. But if you're infamous for hating your job and they know its you, then they will know you're not only cynical, but kind of witty too. Even if they do catch you, they are likely not to fire you anyway. No employer likes to go through the interview process. I'm pretty sure no one as kids sat on the playground thinking "When I grow up, I want to hire people based on first impressions in an hours time."
4. Do you feed off the misery of other people? In some way, yes you do. If you feel crappy about the work you do, take a look around. There are people who are in the same boat as you. But not quite the same category. Making fun of other co-workers who are socially inept is kind of funny. Nicknaming co-workers is always fun. Compare them to animals that are generally not sold as stuffed animals. So that would make them unpleasant and undesirable. Don't let the confines of convential reality and science limit you either. Go into the realms of science fiction and fantasy to pull off the worst ones, like ogre and troll. Real life animal names are harder but funner. Like a sloth is a good one. Comparing someone to a dinosaur isn't too bad of an idea either. If you feel bold, maybe share the nicknames you created with a fellow co-worker. Even if they are untrustable. If it gets around, that may push a useless worker to quit....or put you on their hit list.
5. Do you go through jobs really quick? Well if you can't stay in one place too long, don't try to prove yourself as a hard worker immediately. Take some time to screw over the job a bit. Maybe go home sick because staring at the carpert pattern made you sick to your stomach, or try to get on workmans comp because an unnattractive female co-worker was clearly not wearing a bra. Traumatizing! Tell contradicting stories of your sick days and re-use them constantly. It wouldn't be smart of you to use that job as a reference unless you somehow shaped up and no one remembers you being an arrogant assface.
6. Interviewing for jobs that you applied for just to see what would happen or a job you wouldn't care for, does have its perks. If it's a job you don't care for, stumble into the the interview room like you have a physical disability but insist you're just fine. Shift in your chair uncomfortably many times during the interview groaning. And mumble something low but kind of audible like "damn herpes...........n' arthritis." Or if you're really low class you can act like you're kind of slow in the head. They may just hire you because they feel bad. You can get paid the highest wage offered and not be expected to do all the work or not do most of the work correctly. I think the funniest thing would be since most people who are reading this were born in the 80's, is to act like a Vietnam vet. During the interview, act like you're phasing in and out and throw in the words "Nam." and "charlie is in the bushes" under your breathe throughout the interview. They may think you're slow and hire you anyway or just tell you to get out for being a dumbass. Either way, I don't see a losing situation!
I hope some of this helped. I have actually done a lot of this. Not all of it. But I can tell you, it is fun and kind of helpful if you're stressed about the job. Hope you enjoyed reading it anyway!
1. So lets just say you're stressed and your next vacation away from work isn't for a while, how do you find the strength to go on? Here is a good way to keep pushing forward. Chances are, there is someone in your workplace that you cannot stand. Most likely a co-worker you see most of the days you work. They don't have to be mean in order to be intolerable. They can be empty-headed morons with a personality of a bratty 12 year old girl. I suggest ignoring that person or avoiding contact with that individual as much as you can. For some workplaces, it's impossible to not talk to your co-workers. So if you have to speak, make it brief and bland and keep the sentences under 6 words long. 3 words for optimal results. It may not be a classy trip to Europe. But it's a step back from insanity. Ignoring annoying co-workers can make it feel like you're at least partly away from work. I've tried it before and it worked wonders. If you want to be a bastard about it, you can make it obvious you're ignoring. Walk past them when they greet you. Or if you have to, act sick one on one and in the presence of other people be extremely animated and "unsick." If you shift this behavior back and forth, they may get the point and leave you alone longer than you intended. Thats a bonus!
2. Do you not care about your job to the point it doesn't matter who you run your mouth off to but you care enough not to get fired? Well this can help make your policy more enjoyable! I suggest being generally unpleasant to the co-workers you don't know or care for much. There is less of a chance they will try to pawn their work off on you or ask you for help. Which leaves you in this neutral zone. But beware: too much unpleasantness makes you an asshole, and people will have no problem screwing you over. Not enough unpleasantness and people think you just had a bad day and it won't happen often. You must find the middle of being unpleasant. You have to make it to the point where people accept that may be just the way you are and it can be humorous to other people watching. Be a smart ass to your co-workers and even test your supervisors limits by making indirect smart ass comments while talking to them. If you get written up or got a firm lecture, you've gone too far. But if you annoyed them to the point it was a minor verbal warning, you're in the clear. Now you may ask, "Why would I do this?" That is a good legitimate question. If you have annoyed everyone in earshot for a month, this sets you up for a good job. So lets say you interview for a different job at a major corporation and this corporation calls your current job to get an idea of what you're like from your current supervisor. This does happen. But here is the best part. Your supervisor has 2 choices. They can either talk you up like you're the star employee and get you the hell out of their hair..........or they can give you a bad reference and keep you around for another 3 months and listen to you bitch some more. Not a hard decision for even the most ignorant supervisor.
3. A little tired of the job? Disgruntled perhaps? Been their for too long? Well my friend, a new job is around the corner I'm sure. But in the meantime, express yourself at work! Express your unhappiness at work in more than just bitching and moaning. If you have access to a computer with a screensaver, I suggest changing the screensaver setting to the "marquee" setting. At that point, you type really unmotivating phrases and quotes. Don't have any ideas? Let me fuel you with some to get started.
Overachievement: the tallest blade of grass is the first to get cut down
Mediocrity: It takes less time and no one notices until it's too late
If you can't learn to do something well, learn to enjoy doing it poorly
The harder you try, the dumber you look
Get back to work! You're not getting paid to believe in the power of your dreams!
You're unique....just like everyone else
Until you spread your wings, you will have no idea how far you can walk
Not everyone gets to be an astronaut or a doctor when they grow up
Unmotivational screensaving is a victimless action. I've done it myself and the results bring me joy. If you keep an amount of secrecy, it's fun to watch people try to blame others for who might have done it. But if you're infamous for hating your job and they know its you, then they will know you're not only cynical, but kind of witty too. Even if they do catch you, they are likely not to fire you anyway. No employer likes to go through the interview process. I'm pretty sure no one as kids sat on the playground thinking "When I grow up, I want to hire people based on first impressions in an hours time."
4. Do you feed off the misery of other people? In some way, yes you do. If you feel crappy about the work you do, take a look around. There are people who are in the same boat as you. But not quite the same category. Making fun of other co-workers who are socially inept is kind of funny. Nicknaming co-workers is always fun. Compare them to animals that are generally not sold as stuffed animals. So that would make them unpleasant and undesirable. Don't let the confines of convential reality and science limit you either. Go into the realms of science fiction and fantasy to pull off the worst ones, like ogre and troll. Real life animal names are harder but funner. Like a sloth is a good one. Comparing someone to a dinosaur isn't too bad of an idea either. If you feel bold, maybe share the nicknames you created with a fellow co-worker. Even if they are untrustable. If it gets around, that may push a useless worker to quit....or put you on their hit list.
5. Do you go through jobs really quick? Well if you can't stay in one place too long, don't try to prove yourself as a hard worker immediately. Take some time to screw over the job a bit. Maybe go home sick because staring at the carpert pattern made you sick to your stomach, or try to get on workmans comp because an unnattractive female co-worker was clearly not wearing a bra. Traumatizing! Tell contradicting stories of your sick days and re-use them constantly. It wouldn't be smart of you to use that job as a reference unless you somehow shaped up and no one remembers you being an arrogant assface.
6. Interviewing for jobs that you applied for just to see what would happen or a job you wouldn't care for, does have its perks. If it's a job you don't care for, stumble into the the interview room like you have a physical disability but insist you're just fine. Shift in your chair uncomfortably many times during the interview groaning. And mumble something low but kind of audible like "damn herpes...........n' arthritis." Or if you're really low class you can act like you're kind of slow in the head. They may just hire you because they feel bad. You can get paid the highest wage offered and not be expected to do all the work or not do most of the work correctly. I think the funniest thing would be since most people who are reading this were born in the 80's, is to act like a Vietnam vet. During the interview, act like you're phasing in and out and throw in the words "Nam." and "charlie is in the bushes" under your breathe throughout the interview. They may think you're slow and hire you anyway or just tell you to get out for being a dumbass. Either way, I don't see a losing situation!
I hope some of this helped. I have actually done a lot of this. Not all of it. But I can tell you, it is fun and kind of helpful if you're stressed about the job. Hope you enjoyed reading it anyway!
Monday, May 29, 2006
My Adventures in Idaho and Other Random Crap
So I'm sure many of you heard about my general exictement about going to Idaho and camping over the Memorial weekend. It's a family tradition and I do it every year. I paintball, fourwheel, shoot guns, sit by a fire, fish.....everything! This year was different. I got sick on the way up with a nasty cold. It was cold and miserable to the point where it snowed on us and the four wheelers were deep in the mud. My van got stuck in the mud. My uncles 2006 Ford turbo deisel got stuck in the mud up to the door handle. It took 4 other turbo deisel trucks to pull him out. but in the process got 2 others stuck. Long story. I needed a break and I got screwed. I even got turned down for that job I wanted. I was 2nd place runner for the anesthesia tech job at the university hospital. I got offered a job at the other 2 but I turned them down since they were jobs I would instantly hate. I hate my current job as it is. Why get out to hate another job, maybe even more than I do now?
But stay tuned, I'm going to attempt to be witty here in a moment.
Idaho is an odd state. I drove my bus the whole way up. It was actually fun to do. But people in big trucks have some sort of weird complex with being passed by a VW bus. I was behind this trucker for a good 40 miles. Everytime I tried to pass him, he would suddenly speed up obviously knowing I couldn't keep up. I would have no choice but to pull behind him and let the other cars pass on the 2 lane Idaho freeway. Then he would slow way down and I would be riding his ass. So I would go to pass him and that prick would speed up again! I could almost imagine his thoughts
"No liberal-ass gun hating hippy is passing me!"
He eventually pulled off onto an exit and as I passed him he flipped me off and smiled. Sad thing is, on the way back home, some ass towing a trailer did about the same thing. I would go to pass him and he would speed up. This time though, I won. This lasted for about 20 minutes. The guy had the typical cowboy hat, big truck, handlebar mustache and some wife that might have been attractive back in the 70's. She seemed to plead with him at one point just to let me pass him because she was pointing at my bus yelling at him and he was just calmly waving her off. Finally my chance came to pass him up and give him the glaring of a lifetime! After going uphill behind this jackass, I knew there was going to be a downhill afterwards. That was my chance to pull ahead. The freeway was narrowing down to one lane. The top of the hill came and I downshifted and pushed my van hard. I raced downhill at speeds my van has never seen before: The speed limit! I reached 75 miles an hour and pulled ahead. I gave him a dirty look and shook my head, followed by rolling my eyes. The wife turned and glared at the husband and seemed to yell at him more. I not only passed him, but the 2 cars in front of him and cut them off like a circumcising rabi so I could get into the other lane. My ego was full and I couldn't have been more pleased with how that went. I discovered that it's socially unacceptable to drive a bus in Idaho or anything that is not a truck of some kind. You should have seen all the people in Idaho gawk at my van like I should be put out of my misery.
Lets not forget my trip to the grocery store in Idaho. I stopped at my grandmas house since I hadn't showered in 4 days to clean up and what not. I was fairly muddy and I smelled like an open fire. The second I walked in my grandma is like "John, I need butter, will you be a sweety and by some butter from the grocery store." So I turned around and walked back the 3 feet from wence I came and drove to the store. I grabbed the butter and hit the express check. In front of me in line was a very obese older couple just standing there with just about every condiment known to man being held in their stubby arms. If dirt was a condiment, they probably would have bought that too. The line moved forward and some guy flat tired me. I turned around quickly to see who it was and sent a whiff of the campfire smell from my jacket into the air. The couple in front of me immediately remarked.
"What smells like a nice smoked ham?" said the lady
"Ham? Smells more like roast smoked turkey to me." argued the man.
"Ooo that sounds so good right now. A nice buttered ham with gravy," the obese lady fanticized.
"Where in the hell is that smell coming from? It's making me hungry. Maybe I can pick one up." suggested the male obesity statistic.
They both turned around and finally became aware of my existence for the first time since we had been standing there. They looked down at me with their eyes narrowed.
"Son, is that you that smells like a delicious roast turkey?" asked the male creature.
I didn't know what to say to that. I've never been called a delcious roast turkey before just because I smelt like a campfire.
"Um, I guess so," I replied meekly
By this point they were at the register purchasing their condiment needs for eating spam and to presumably watch the NASCAR preseason. Maybe even catching the next pay-per view wrestling program on TV.
"Ooo you got butter?! I could just butter you up and eat you alive because you smell so gosh darn good," giggled the lady.
Did I just get threatened to be eaten alive by another human being? A piece of me was saying: You need to get the hell out of the store before you get thrown in an itchy potato sack and end up over a blazing fire slathered in the butter you just purchased. Another piece was saying: These creepy fat people are kind of cool...........But don't joke around too much, they may just eat you anyway. I finally reached the register and was paying for the butter. This should have been the time the couple in front left the line and went on with their lives. But no. They stood their and waited for me while making more comments.
"So how did you get to be smelling so darn good, son? The ladies must love ya," said the man. I didn't detect a hint of humor in his voice that time.
"I was just camping on the Montana border. I was just by an oper fire a lot I guess," I replied flatly
"Oh yeah? I've been camping many a times and I've never smelt as good as that. I would just butter you up and eat ya if you were my son," said the lady with a smile.
I kind of giggled and made my way towards the door and said bye. I've been threatened to be eaten by that lady twice. The man seemed to be hint more in a straight forward way. I know they meant well with what appeared to be an Idaho sense of humor, but the thought of being eaten after a bad camping trip didn't seem so pleasant. I wondered if they had kids and one spilt barbeque sauce on themsevles and the parents ate him because he smelt so darn good. Besides that would be an awful waste of barbeque sauce. That goes down in my list of "Top 20 Most Awkward Moments." 12th place seems about right for that one.
Moving on...........
Idaho has a really weird coordinate system too. It clearly shows that Idaho's public education system has dismally failed the state at large. It's relatively simple but really reflects poorly on the spent tax dollars and intelligence of the Idaho people. They have 3 major main streets where I was at. There is the numbered streets that go from 1st street to I think 24th straight. Pretty simple. The main road is an attempt to alphabetize the roads. First street, A street. So far soo good. Next, B street. I think I'm seeing a pattern here. Next street, Constitution street. What the hell happened to C street?! I looked around to see if maybe there was some sort of patriotic monument nearby. Closest thing to patriotic was ironically the donut shop across the street with a shitload of cop cars in front of it. The stoplights were all with in 10 feet of each other for about 2 miles. It was pointless to even accelerate to the next light because it would be red by the time the 5 seconds was up. It would almost be faster to be paralyzed in a slow outdated electric wheelchair and just take the sidewalks. I went to the next light. Ah, there's C street. Was the Constitution street an attempt to patriotically alphabetize names? Wouldn't it be interesting to see something as useless as this?
A street
American street
B street
Beuracracy street
C street
Constitution street
D street
Democracy street
E street
Economy street
etc
Whatever it was, it threw me off. So I continued the next 10 feet to D street. Good. E street. F street................Cliff street? Did they forget the alphabet?! I'm pretty sure the founders of the town were much too inbred to remember numbers and the alphabet at the same time They probably just named that street after the hick who put up the sign. As I went down the street, it suddenly turned into adjective highway. Short street. Long street. Blue street. Rocky street. Black street. I'm not kidding either. It's like 2nd graders named the streets after their last spelling test.
Somehow along my botched camping trip, I realized why old people buy useless crap. They have nothing else to do with their money! They buy tacky pottery and pick up weird collecting hobbies. My grandparents for example, they buy the most expensive shampoo. One set of shampoo and conditioner for my grandmother another set for my grandpa. They both use 80 dollar products. Which doesn't make sense for my grandpa. I love the guy to death, but he is going bald. This would also explain why grandparents tend to spoil their grandkids. They get to see their money go to use while pissing off the parents for being so leanient and generous. It makes sense. You rarely see old people go out and buy new boats, clothes that don't come from the thrift store, and sports cars. They don't have much use for that.
Speaking of cars and old people, what drives a person of older age to suddenly decide "driving 25 miles wherever I go for the rest of my life sounds good." Old people are not incapable of driving the speed limit. True, they may not be in a hurry to be anywhere, but do they realize that they are the most hated drivers? Millions are late and get symptoms of road rage from their driving. I've seen old people drive fast. I"ve seen it! It's rare, but it does happen. They drive like they are the only ones on the planet or they are incompasitated in same way to push the gas peddle 1/4th of a centimeter down to accelerate. It's almost as if they are teasing Death.
Well, that is all my random thoughts scrunched into one long ass blog. The people of Idaho should be ashamed of their backward-ass boring state. Maybe for some it's a good thing to not live in a high paced city environment. But come on, this is the same state where the music scene gets pissed off if you jump to the beat at shows. If you enjoyed this pointless blog somehow, please subscribe. I'm stuck at an even 14 subscribers. Anyone want to make it 15? Maybe more? ha ha. Thanks for reading! :)
But stay tuned, I'm going to attempt to be witty here in a moment.
Idaho is an odd state. I drove my bus the whole way up. It was actually fun to do. But people in big trucks have some sort of weird complex with being passed by a VW bus. I was behind this trucker for a good 40 miles. Everytime I tried to pass him, he would suddenly speed up obviously knowing I couldn't keep up. I would have no choice but to pull behind him and let the other cars pass on the 2 lane Idaho freeway. Then he would slow way down and I would be riding his ass. So I would go to pass him and that prick would speed up again! I could almost imagine his thoughts
"No liberal-ass gun hating hippy is passing me!"
He eventually pulled off onto an exit and as I passed him he flipped me off and smiled. Sad thing is, on the way back home, some ass towing a trailer did about the same thing. I would go to pass him and he would speed up. This time though, I won. This lasted for about 20 minutes. The guy had the typical cowboy hat, big truck, handlebar mustache and some wife that might have been attractive back in the 70's. She seemed to plead with him at one point just to let me pass him because she was pointing at my bus yelling at him and he was just calmly waving her off. Finally my chance came to pass him up and give him the glaring of a lifetime! After going uphill behind this jackass, I knew there was going to be a downhill afterwards. That was my chance to pull ahead. The freeway was narrowing down to one lane. The top of the hill came and I downshifted and pushed my van hard. I raced downhill at speeds my van has never seen before: The speed limit! I reached 75 miles an hour and pulled ahead. I gave him a dirty look and shook my head, followed by rolling my eyes. The wife turned and glared at the husband and seemed to yell at him more. I not only passed him, but the 2 cars in front of him and cut them off like a circumcising rabi so I could get into the other lane. My ego was full and I couldn't have been more pleased with how that went. I discovered that it's socially unacceptable to drive a bus in Idaho or anything that is not a truck of some kind. You should have seen all the people in Idaho gawk at my van like I should be put out of my misery.
Lets not forget my trip to the grocery store in Idaho. I stopped at my grandmas house since I hadn't showered in 4 days to clean up and what not. I was fairly muddy and I smelled like an open fire. The second I walked in my grandma is like "John, I need butter, will you be a sweety and by some butter from the grocery store." So I turned around and walked back the 3 feet from wence I came and drove to the store. I grabbed the butter and hit the express check. In front of me in line was a very obese older couple just standing there with just about every condiment known to man being held in their stubby arms. If dirt was a condiment, they probably would have bought that too. The line moved forward and some guy flat tired me. I turned around quickly to see who it was and sent a whiff of the campfire smell from my jacket into the air. The couple in front of me immediately remarked.
"What smells like a nice smoked ham?" said the lady
"Ham? Smells more like roast smoked turkey to me." argued the man.
"Ooo that sounds so good right now. A nice buttered ham with gravy," the obese lady fanticized.
"Where in the hell is that smell coming from? It's making me hungry. Maybe I can pick one up." suggested the male obesity statistic.
They both turned around and finally became aware of my existence for the first time since we had been standing there. They looked down at me with their eyes narrowed.
"Son, is that you that smells like a delicious roast turkey?" asked the male creature.
I didn't know what to say to that. I've never been called a delcious roast turkey before just because I smelt like a campfire.
"Um, I guess so," I replied meekly
By this point they were at the register purchasing their condiment needs for eating spam and to presumably watch the NASCAR preseason. Maybe even catching the next pay-per view wrestling program on TV.
"Ooo you got butter?! I could just butter you up and eat you alive because you smell so gosh darn good," giggled the lady.
Did I just get threatened to be eaten alive by another human being? A piece of me was saying: You need to get the hell out of the store before you get thrown in an itchy potato sack and end up over a blazing fire slathered in the butter you just purchased. Another piece was saying: These creepy fat people are kind of cool...........But don't joke around too much, they may just eat you anyway. I finally reached the register and was paying for the butter. This should have been the time the couple in front left the line and went on with their lives. But no. They stood their and waited for me while making more comments.
"So how did you get to be smelling so darn good, son? The ladies must love ya," said the man. I didn't detect a hint of humor in his voice that time.
"I was just camping on the Montana border. I was just by an oper fire a lot I guess," I replied flatly
"Oh yeah? I've been camping many a times and I've never smelt as good as that. I would just butter you up and eat ya if you were my son," said the lady with a smile.
I kind of giggled and made my way towards the door and said bye. I've been threatened to be eaten by that lady twice. The man seemed to be hint more in a straight forward way. I know they meant well with what appeared to be an Idaho sense of humor, but the thought of being eaten after a bad camping trip didn't seem so pleasant. I wondered if they had kids and one spilt barbeque sauce on themsevles and the parents ate him because he smelt so darn good. Besides that would be an awful waste of barbeque sauce. That goes down in my list of "Top 20 Most Awkward Moments." 12th place seems about right for that one.
Moving on...........
Idaho has a really weird coordinate system too. It clearly shows that Idaho's public education system has dismally failed the state at large. It's relatively simple but really reflects poorly on the spent tax dollars and intelligence of the Idaho people. They have 3 major main streets where I was at. There is the numbered streets that go from 1st street to I think 24th straight. Pretty simple. The main road is an attempt to alphabetize the roads. First street, A street. So far soo good. Next, B street. I think I'm seeing a pattern here. Next street, Constitution street. What the hell happened to C street?! I looked around to see if maybe there was some sort of patriotic monument nearby. Closest thing to patriotic was ironically the donut shop across the street with a shitload of cop cars in front of it. The stoplights were all with in 10 feet of each other for about 2 miles. It was pointless to even accelerate to the next light because it would be red by the time the 5 seconds was up. It would almost be faster to be paralyzed in a slow outdated electric wheelchair and just take the sidewalks. I went to the next light. Ah, there's C street. Was the Constitution street an attempt to patriotically alphabetize names? Wouldn't it be interesting to see something as useless as this?
A street
American street
B street
Beuracracy street
C street
Constitution street
D street
Democracy street
E street
Economy street
etc
Whatever it was, it threw me off. So I continued the next 10 feet to D street. Good. E street. F street................Cliff street? Did they forget the alphabet?! I'm pretty sure the founders of the town were much too inbred to remember numbers and the alphabet at the same time They probably just named that street after the hick who put up the sign. As I went down the street, it suddenly turned into adjective highway. Short street. Long street. Blue street. Rocky street. Black street. I'm not kidding either. It's like 2nd graders named the streets after their last spelling test.
Somehow along my botched camping trip, I realized why old people buy useless crap. They have nothing else to do with their money! They buy tacky pottery and pick up weird collecting hobbies. My grandparents for example, they buy the most expensive shampoo. One set of shampoo and conditioner for my grandmother another set for my grandpa. They both use 80 dollar products. Which doesn't make sense for my grandpa. I love the guy to death, but he is going bald. This would also explain why grandparents tend to spoil their grandkids. They get to see their money go to use while pissing off the parents for being so leanient and generous. It makes sense. You rarely see old people go out and buy new boats, clothes that don't come from the thrift store, and sports cars. They don't have much use for that.
Speaking of cars and old people, what drives a person of older age to suddenly decide "driving 25 miles wherever I go for the rest of my life sounds good." Old people are not incapable of driving the speed limit. True, they may not be in a hurry to be anywhere, but do they realize that they are the most hated drivers? Millions are late and get symptoms of road rage from their driving. I've seen old people drive fast. I"ve seen it! It's rare, but it does happen. They drive like they are the only ones on the planet or they are incompasitated in same way to push the gas peddle 1/4th of a centimeter down to accelerate. It's almost as if they are teasing Death.
Well, that is all my random thoughts scrunched into one long ass blog. The people of Idaho should be ashamed of their backward-ass boring state. Maybe for some it's a good thing to not live in a high paced city environment. But come on, this is the same state where the music scene gets pissed off if you jump to the beat at shows. If you enjoyed this pointless blog somehow, please subscribe. I'm stuck at an even 14 subscribers. Anyone want to make it 15? Maybe more? ha ha. Thanks for reading! :)
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