I used to think much more than I do now. I used to wonder about things. As a child, I was always asking why things were the way they were, or how things came to be. When I was in secondary school, most of my bus rides were spent thinking. Right now, my thoughts seem to have narrowed to my immediate tasks and surroundings, and when that is done, I just think of going home and sleeping.
Perhaps if one's existence were defined by what one thinks, then my present existence is pretty ill defined.
In order to get me thinking again, I shall write more.
I realized that in the past, writing forced me to consolidate my thoughts. It required recollection of the events I wished to write about, organize my feelings and emotions, and reflect on what had happened. It forced me to think.
There were several rationalizations I made that prevented me from writing and thinking about things:
"Today was the same as yesterday, and tomorrow will be the same as today. There's nothing new to think about."
I guess its all down to perspective. If I believe nothing is worth thinking about, then nothing will be worth thinking about. My change of perspective came when one of my friend's photo album popped onto my facebook feed. The 365 project he called it, where he forced himself to post a photo every day. In some ways, it told a story of his life. More importantly, it forces him to look out for something each and every day, which makes that day special and unique. I guess if I look out for things to think about, there will be new things to think about.
"I'm tired"
I've actually been thinking of writing this post about starting to write for about a month, but I've just been too lazy to get about to doing it. I think I have no reason not to do enriching things like reading and writing, when I can find time to do worthless things like playing tf2. On a side note, I've been wanting to read books other than medical books for a while, but I've also been too lazy. Heh.
"My friends/family/boss/strange people will be reading this"
Hmmm. Okay. This is public domain. Hopefully writing in a public domain will force me to crystallize my thoughts better, and present them in a neutral and clear way that isn't offensive to people, or make me look stupid. That would be a much greater challenge than to simply whine in a private journal.
"No one is reading this"
In some ways, getting feed back about writing is some what gratifying. Whether its an exchange of ideas, someones 2 cents worth, or sometimes just an acknowledgement that someone was here. It seem pointless to me to send a letter to no-one, to tweet to no followers, or to shout in an empty room, so why bother writing anyway.
I guess I should try to ignore this. I'm writing for myself, so it doesn't really matter whether this gets read or not. The process of writing in itself benefits me.
"Patient confidentiality"
In first year of med school, we occasionally were told of stories of how students blogged about patients or professors and got into trouble. I decided to avoid blogging altogether about medical school to avoid any possible misunderstandings. Since I was spending a lot of my time in school, there was very little to write about. I should force myself to think about stuff outside medicine, and do more stuff outside medicine. I also realized that doctors to varying extents, do write about their experiences and thoughts about patients and treatment without breaking any moral or ethical code.
Well, so here it goes, hopefully I'll plant my butt down more often to reflect, think, and write.
