“life will be better in spring”

October 2008 November 2008 February 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 January 2012 April 2012 July 2012 September 2012 October 2012 April 2013 May 2013 August 2013 November 2013 January 2014 March 2014

love this girl, lets just see

Why must some people just bring your ego up just to crush it... fuck you. If that's the kinda person you are, i dunno why the fuck are you in my life...

Just came back from little francesca's 21th at the church. She made cry the whole night realising how much pressure i gave her. When i was about to leave, she held my hand back and wanted to say something, but was in tears and instead choosed to hug it out instead. I am really proud of her yet happy to be there to see her growth into such a remarkable lady. Little francesca, no matter where we are, no matter how seperated i will always love you. Which led me to think what is my "soul" purpose, to be like her? No, mine is to protect the ones i love, and die an honourable death while fighting for this cause. Goodnight^^ peace be with you. Happy 21th francesca

I've been in ntu for 2 weeks, still meeting with new and old friends. Yet the solitude continues in my heart. I am still keeping it to myself, waiting for the time to fufill my purpose in life.

new place, new life.
with more friendship comes more love, hate and disappointment.
how i really wished people are not that complicated.
staying in one room, surrounded by the emptiness of the 4 walls.
someone please come into my life soon.
please.

My emotions right now... after bursting out

With the bday that just passed,  i realised that sometimes even heros fail and where we are will be where i loved her more and more... But i have still yet to findbout the truth of my existance

Went dinner with france and da jie at plaza sing, though we waited for almost 1hr, it was worth it since seeing her again sooth my mind, yet i still couldn't express what was really on my mind ... and what's with this andrew... i must be getting crazy

Every time I got my phone up, my thumb would automatically press the f button. Hais, already two years have past since we last fought, two days since we last met. I wanted to ask her so much, so much... how's life with poly, seeing anyone yet, how's Jon... But every opportunity our eyes met, you are so afraid, so terrified to even look into my eyes. I know I have led you down before, i could never forget. But if there is one question to ask you before I die, it is, would you be my girl... take care



just had dinner at ashtons' with Xn 姐 and Little France, congrats on getting into OT frances! may you achieve your dream to help everyone in your power =)
after this dinner, i felt nostalgic, i felt old, i felt that the world left me behind, like how i lost her 10 years back... still i am happy she accomplished that much, happy that she attain pleasure in the smallest of the things she experienced. As i listen to Josh Groban on itunes, it made me realised maybe i had love them from the start more than just i expect myself to ... thanks for bringing me this far girls, i will move on to prove to you all how far i can grow from the base you have laid in me thanks ^^



life as we know it, left us with a tinge of cold and lonliness

finally promoted to a 3rd Sgt, though it really undermine what i can really do in the past... but still, an achievement =) to be able to move on from past deaths, friendships and relationships. really have come a long way now, 200 dollars more to spend! =D

7 months on, i am going unit le, so much information classified, makes my entire life a secret... i am better off alone huh

Eight month on, so much wounds to recover from, so little time to get use to this lifestyle. One that is without your laughter, your companionship and one that is without you. Being in army taught me things, how to hide my feelings, how to get out of fights unscathed... it is like the survival of the fittest. sometimes i wonder is that little angel toying with me because i can't take it much longer. finally know what it feels like to be by myself again and getting used to it ...

你给我的那一时刻的笑容仿佛泡沫一样的消失了><

bad and good
wellthis month has been quite a rollercoaster .... jieqi and jeffrey got their wish come true haha darn jieqi never tell me you got gf like one year before........... oh well time past so fast, i am happy for them, yet i feel empty inside, i know this isn't the right time, after people tell me i need to grow up haha i guess i am still childish after all, another event that left me dangling was with her haha i guess i sux at talking to girls after all, i will leave it to fate to time and to her =) lets meet up at the end and see how things turns out kay! =)





today was quite meaningful, i walked cat high ground for one more time, through the tranquility and peace, it's as if i am enlightened and this is where i belong ... but still i met many teachers like ms tan seow wee ^^ mr tan jit hui ^^ mdm ee ah hong who went HALLO! haha and many many more i really miss them but too many things to say really too many things to catch up on, that we were all teared up haha guess boys also have their soft spot after all

haha guess it is really time for me to show my manliness huh lol, da jie asked me to find out what happened to xiao jie, but i said it would be weird then she give me guidelines haha and in the end after half and hour of advice, she said she would do it herself LOL
but really i want to help, if only she would say haa, guess i really am not ready...

had dinner with xiao jie that day ^^ really had lots of laughter and enjoyment, we had dinner at the food court and had hokian mee haha and in the end i ended up eating ice cream again lol going to get fat... but after that i forgot to send her home and instead i got sent to the bus stop haha i must be dumb... well i will force myself remember it next time, anyway new camp is tough even though everyone say it should be slack, at night wanted to sleep by can't so wide awake for two nights, wanted to call them but think rather not haiz life in army ................................ be positive =)

it is undeniable that i shouldn't be trusted and it is undeniable that i should let you go and yet my love can be denied after all this while. my basic term in becoming a sergeant is coming to a close, lucky not to out of course so far, but pro term is going to kill me, hope i get into a support unit haiz. everyone now busy, studies, camps, overseas... singaporean guys just sulk thumb during ns.... lol too bad for us, but i swear i shall lead the next batch of ns soldiers to enjoy ns the way i am trying now LOL it means to test every part of ns systems heheh

ns just wearing me off day by day, but day by day i understand more and more about life, about everyone, about you. trying my very best not to be angry, look down or others, and of course make enemies... trying my best to learn to smile, cause whenever i see you smile, i feel like i am the happiest kid in town ^^ trying my best...

i miss the way the sunshine would light up your face, i miss all the little things and i missed you

what the hell am i doing, just get out of her life already....

recently promoted from a recruit to a private =D going to scs tomorrow. my birthday this year has by far reached a climax XD i love 19 th birthday, even though only my family were there to celebrate with me on the actual day, my sisters and friends celebrated it at the beach lol with our original intention to go to woodlands waterfront haha xn met at sembawang instead. so we went to the beach waiting for fran xiao jie and paid for kfc before going to zona's house to eat and watch some movie lol hilarious one with the main lead act by L lol , tomorrow will mark my end of freedom (no more block leave) really hope that watever god that is out there, to protect my family and friends :) take care! i will pia for officer!

is it too late to forget about you ...

so busy...so tired... oh well A level 就是这样的。。。 hais i am super worried not just for myself... recently i was wondering why on earth are we doing doing all this, what are we all actually looking for? a better life? a place for us to be accepted? i really don't know, everything is so unpredictable, yet so beautiful. when i see someone happy, i am glad, i am glad that this peace have last so long. when i see someone sad, i hate myself for not being able to do more. when someone gets bullied, someone being sad, someone not being able to smile, somehow it pains me. that is life ba. somehow, when i grow up next time, i want to create a place where someone can smile in, where someone can put aside their burdens. oh well in the mean time, i will make this world a better place with my own means. xn say dun resort to violence or something like that and i am naive. >< yeah kinda. my life has changed quite drastically with them around haha. but they have shown me how to believe, how to believe in myself. so i am thankful... and i have somehow inherited their compassion for others. xie xie^^

A levels coming le, i am scared, stressed and hungry ( didn't eat lunch ) >< xn, france also scared, i can't tell them : hey don't be scared... cause they need to work a lot harder. i wan to help but sometimes circumstances just won't let me. perhaps i sux for being such a lousy person to them, sometimes i wonder why i am so lucky to have them as my close friends. though france will surely scold if i blame myself, i realise how many times i have let them down, it is really ><. i must say they have come really far in life. they deserve to go further!

prelims ending, some sense of achievement yet it isn't enough huh... sometimes i wondered if i study so hard and still am not able to achieve grades good enough to enter uni, what will happen to people who did not work hard, will i see them sad and most impt of all will i have the heart to see them ... hais life's cruel. if god can read this, life on earth can really be hell up here.


had a rough week lately, tough times actually... but still i feel so refreshed! went out with France on monday for yog volleyball at toa payo. actually wan accompany her go diving, but in the end she followed me to volleyball instead. lol cost half the price. i saw a lot of my old volleymates, but didn't get to get their attention cause france was with me, dun wan to leng mo her haa. so we end up laughing at almost everything lol from the guys that moped the floor to how she can't understand volleyball at first, and we even thought of joining Japan side so can shout NIPON! haa in the end we cam whore a bit and went out strolling back to central, talked about sizzler haa and went to one of the porridge shop behind it. haa i had to be so stupid as to order one bowl of yew tiao and it cost like 1 buck or something, the aunty ask if i wan, then i just blur blur say okay! >< in the end after my tasty porridge has finished, i had to (bopian) play scissors paper stone with little france. in the end, i almost finished everything >< she was laughing away till she lost like once or twice heheh. After that i was so full that i had to walk dam slowly to the train station. i think she also quite full. lol then we squeezed onto the train and talk about like my cousin, her studies, ... i missed old times. got back home got some out of placed kids, blocking my way, and i got a punch for pushing my way through, well they got off worse considering what i was trained for. i thought bout france safety and realised i should have send her home at least to her block. how stupid i am. then send her an sms to ask >< thank god she made it home safely lol i like thinking so far. oh well, i really missed the simplest thing in life especially during the first year. time to gear up to what i am made of ^^ (in my defence little france, that pic wasn't sent by you, i took it haa)

things haven't been quite peaceful this few weeks. i learnt a way to keep my feelings down, though it is dam painful inside, i really hope to calm my mind. if you really love something, let it go, if it is yours, it will come back, if not it was never meant for you in the first place. seen this quote from someone i treasure a lot. it isn't easy trying to keep your distance from someone you care about cause it is like a magnet pulling you. you are defying nature. i said i wanted to be independent from you all, is because i don't want to have my heart tear into yet another half. believe me it is almost there. just bear with me...

一无所有
prelims coming, and i am freaking stressed up. many things happened this hols LTC, conflicts, and on... i found myself alone on the roof again this year. guess i can't expect much from people anymore, it was really peaceful as i sat on the edge of the rooftop thinking what went wrong, she told me before, move on... the whole world doesn't sit and wait with you. guess she was right. but i can't push the thought of a bitch in my mind. on one hand it was my fault saying stop bitching around. on the other hand, i knew very well that girl always two sides to her, always trying to take way the people i love most. i know i am an ass too, but whenever infront of them, she would act all nice and bff, trying to instigate me to flare up sometimes. but when behind them, she would totally try to piss me off. i dunno if i too sensitive or what but she actually made me flare up and end up my close friend thought i was the only bad guy. i tried to explain, but end up thinking forget it, she probably won't believe me if i said it. i really wanted someone to understand me, but guess i was alone again. i wasn't perfect to begin with, yet no one is. but why do i see you two so perfect. hais. maybe is fate maybe is just the childish stupid me. they say seeing is believing, but what you saw is actually what they want you to believe in. maybe after prelims ... i try.

it has been that long since i blogged. Kinda have a trend that whenever i blog, it isn't anything good. well this time is still a mixture... ptm just over, my parents pms-ing over me being rude to mrs yap... i can't believe this. i wasn't rude or anything, just being distant. and i was screwed like crazy by them. hais little sis say before, dun hais all the time. really sorry but this time i am totally depressed. >< Grade A for Pw is supposed to be good news right? my parents say is not my work at all, it is all that person effort. pisses me off. arghhh! remaining calm isn't my forte. i almost went crazy just now fighting with my parents. i realized something, why i am not like other kids, especially other boys. why i am always so different from them. - i wasn't really close to my parents. i was not totally raised by them. they were just a small part of my life. i know little sis will sure scold me if i say this, but it is true for me. i was brought up by my cousins, aunts and very seldom during my childhood did i see my parents. what i remembered are the times they made me crazy. finally realised why i am different from them. stupid expectations, stupid goals. what is the point if you have to go through life suffering in the process? wish i have someone to talk to now><

why is she getting so cold? so sad.. what i want for new year is for her to smile. if our friendship is just ending so easily, i really don't want it to happen, but for her happiness, ... so be it.

today was a kinda mixed day. xn kh and yb came to my house at around 11.30. i can't believe myself. but when xn ask me whether jt can come, i was kinda reluctant. call me selfish, but i just don't like it when the entire attention is spent on him. man someone is going to shout at me for that after reading this... in the end he never showed up. i brought them to my house where i was dreading my mom "interviewing" them. turns out xn and my mom know each other and they got along quite well. xn played the piano and it was beautiful. talking about beautiful, she wore a overall like for sleeping kind.lol. anyway the pizza we ordered wasn't finished, so in the end we end up studying in my room. lol xn had to go to every room to "inspect". she even touched my softtoys... finally my father sent them home and me to aikido for grading. man we finally passed. but my emotions we ruined when xn told me she was studying at ci jie's house with justin... jc, jc... you got to give them more space...arghh... why am i like this...

yesterday was one of my happy days! played volleyball, learned a piano piece from little france teacher, ate dinner with her and chat online for a long time with her haa. she is so like me. everything about her character is similar. we both agreed that we people yearned for people praises and acceptance and acknowledgement. happie day indeed. however today, can't even go for a barbecue. stay at home also do nothing. they really know how to spoil my fun. arghh


life is full of surprises. just when i thought nothing bad that ever happened can amazed me, came my downfall. though i would still call it a blessing in disguise. during open house, i was too busy to tell others i was supervising. big mistake... my little sister gave me lots of attitude problems which i thought it was her fault, so much so that i gave her attitude back. this led her to be hurt and angry. i was sorry almost immediately. i blamed myself for everything that happened, and in desperation of losing one of the two person i ever cared and loved for, i even thought of quitting the council thinking that it might and just might make them a lot happier. i was depressed. it led me to think deeper and deeper to what may have caused this problem. and for that, i didn't sleep, on fri, i requested to meet up with her cause my teacher and mentor saw the problem, and wanted me to sort it out with her. i did. she opened up to me finally, and i was glad, yet part of me was touched by what she said, so much so that i was in a brink of tears. her problem: she didn't understand why i was so harsh to her while she helped out a lot, (i did appreciate her help at the balloons though, but lots of things to cover up) my problem: was a fool not to trust her, being to high up and bossy and didn't forgive myself for all that has happened. which i think speaks my heart out. all this time, i blamed myself for everything, yet everything seems to be nothing. after finishing talking i was almost close to crying out loud. think is my pride as she say, i dun want to let her know i am weak, but i am. she asked if i had anything else to say but i just couldn't say at that state. so after finishing council meetings and sending jiansheng to mr teo car, i took kah him mother's car to admarity and saw franc off at the same time. i made sure she stepped into the lift before walking away. but i really want to let my little sister know,"you are very important to me, and like it or not, you have formed a part of my heart. every time it pumps, it will remind me of you. i am nothing without you." she is the two person that has ever affected me.

came back from yong bang's house yesterday right after the orientation rehearsals. i was dam tired, yet i found a renewed strength inside me when i went AUNTIE PARADISE with xn and kah him. but i think it was more of xn that cheer me up. =D we bought our food stuff at admairty supermarkets and wet market + amk hub to buy drinks. we finally went yb house. though it is a bit small, i still find inner peace with her family. we ate steamboat quite late into the night at around 8. xn say she can do it, but i swear it was dangerous. turns out yb and i were more capable at cooking than them. hais. we washed almost everything and i interact with yb bro. haa. finally we went amk hub take pics and went home feeling tired. i enjoyed the day.


last night was a heck of fun, yup it was grad night 09 for the J2s and xian ngoh and i went early so i can go find a army flat cap at peninsula shopping centre. we walked around tried a few of the hats in the indian shops but it was either too expensive or it was not right. so bo pian we went to funan and had lots of fun watching computers before finally eating at pasta mania. man the apple crumble pizza was good. next we went to takashimaya ! and i bought a black hello kitty ball point pen! and xian ngoh bought a pink one! haa though we lost our way like the first time, it was quite enjoyable. finally we went to the hotel room, and everything was chaos there.finally after preparations like the balloons =D we finally got changed in less than 8 mins and qiong down to continue the preparations and xian ngoh and i were informed that we have to sit with the principal and vice principal whew. we took loads of pics and finally we went down to escort ms yeo and mr ngoew and by the time we came back to the ball room it was 7.30. the whole event was okay okay only, i dun like the emcees and neither do the principals. i could see that xian ngoh is learning from what i do. good^^ it will do her good in the future. it is like she has grown up. ha. so finally the council did the dance and yup we cleared up and headed home not before kah him lost her clothes. so we searched or rather is xian ngoh and her. so by the time we end, it was around 1136. we rushed to take the train home. and that was how i spent my wed.

job is one thing, yet i enjoyed it very much, even so with lorayne. the experience of working at coldstorage and taking turns to slack, eat, well awesome! and i want to buy the COOL ARMY FLAT CAP!



whew just came back from orchard. working for lazy gourmet and man did everything screwed up. didn't know we had to take injections or wear black long pants and shoes. so we went to take injections,and up and down we went from shaw building to some office with clinic in it. loryane was with me and we were later joined by xian ngoh who came with us to watch MULAN! muhaa. i feel kinda bad taking xn's job but i really didn't think it was my fault. but oh well girls being girls have things they liked. so i gave up 88 dollars for her ticket to the concert she was going with loryane. part of me knew that this wasn't right either, but i can't let my conscious down. hais i am going to be in deep shit. tomorrow will officially start work. i suggested to jasmine my boss to let xn work but she didn't. hais. and to think i tried my best to help. giving in to them is a bit amusing. anyway we went to far east plaza and xn bought her shoes. i feel tired... tired of life too.

i must be dam selfish lately, i can't even understand my friends...

just made it back from camp and i am glad to say it wasn't tough at all...it was like i said, a fun camp =D so i survived pretty well. well somewhat. i made a new friend, dunno whether can call friend but she is Geraldine (dunno whether spelt like that) and she really is the type of person to be friend with for me. ha ha. kay gradnight coming and i wan to plan a big celebration!!

hais, that makes the third closest person i know say this:" grow up !" and i thought she would understand me. when i thought that i have screwed up enough, things just proved me wrong, i messed it up again. what is with growing up? don't people need to take their time doing so? i hate growing up but guess i can't help it huh. what is wrong with me! first feeling jealous, then this. maybe i wasn't meant to be in this cca after all, with so much imperfection, so many of them deserved this post than me. wonder why so many people still backs me up. i think i will just shut up.
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went to picnic recently with my sisters. it was fun yet torturous for me. i managed to have some fun but yet this feeling keep getting to my head. i really hate myself for that. just now, argue with someone again. i really need to keep my mouth shut...

Project X was awesome if not for the Australian keep on tapping their feet. Though we were slightly disappointed due to the lack of absence of Korean guys. The Esplanade is so big i think i need a map there. Finally, we took the train home. Now for project work and Chinese examinations. Hais i recently argued with my friend, and i am really sorry. Though everything is like settled, i just feel the distance between us. I really hope this won’t affect our relationship. I am sorry.

exams over! but chinese ones coming but i am going to beat it! haa here are my sisters again! ^^

today is my little Francesca birthday!!! may joy and happiness find your way into your heart, hope you enjoy the card we made, disclaimer: the heart and body-head cut outs were not done by me haa hope you enjoy your birthday! ^^

things just isn't easy for me... hope and prey they make it, no matter what my outcome is, i hope the live for the better.

the moon is yellow, sky is red
the moon is dripping, the sky is too, and so is my heart...



man stupid midcourse coming, hope i can graduate this year... well here are pics of us studying!


This are my sisters! Franc and XN! SISTERHOOD!

came back from cat high yesterday! and man was it memorable for me. well kind of. esp with xn accompanying me. well we reached sch at around 10.30 so we decide to go to com lab lan first. in the end me and xn ended up playing combats arms against each other. well i got a slap whenever i kill her once. ... lol then jieqi and samuel came and they joined us. although xn say she enjoy it, i doubt she really do. sigh. then the first teacher we met was ms tan seow wee!! she looked slimmer i guess she must be tired from her baby. i miss you ms tan!!! then i found xn some plaster for her wounded leg. we then move off to buy some drinks. lol and i saw ms wong!! she was like quite daze to see me. then she suddenly smile and ask me to patronize her stall. really miss her too haa well there was mr tan jit hui also we chatted for a while about my academics. mr yeo and mr goh khee yong. also there was mdm ee. she was as fun as always. xn was a bit sian. so we went play games! haa she was even tempted to throw the dart at the person instead. really got my gene. haa then we went into the hall, and xn helped me spend my 20 bucks. she bought chocos! then we finally ended the 20 bucks with tennis throws. ha we then move off and she waited for kah him and me at the tracks seats while i talked to mr yong. well things doesn't seem to good for him. hais. this is life i guess. we talked for quite a while until i realize i have forgotten about xn. so i quickly qiong down find her. we waited for a while before we kah him arrived. we then made our way to the canteen and foyer. dam and while waiting for them to buy food, i saw my chinese teacher yu lin lao shi. since xn and i were sitting together, she thought we are a couple. so she asked," eh ni mei you mai dong xi gei ni nu peng you chi ar" i was so dam embarrassed i guess xn was too. finally we made our way back to J8 and ate at mos burger. and the day ended.

just came back from causeway, watching xia dao xiao! muhaa, anyway i was quite scared when i saw the ghost, so much so that i yelped a bit... maybe more, cause xn was teasing me when the movie was over. man i feel dam embarassed. Well today is teacher's day! so i want to wish the following teachers a happy teachers day! first of all is MS WONG! she is so lucky! haa won't tell you why, then there is Mrs Chua (Ms Tan Seow Wee) and then got Mr Yong, and all the cat high teachers who taught me. next up there are my pri and jc school teachers too much i dun think i got time to type sorriee! but i love them really! l-o-v-e! today event was smooth with only one screw up. got donuts ice cream cakes! and many many more surprises. also today was the first time i used the pass key. haha. well after the event, i got no time to go back cat high. also jieqi and jeff went home liao. so in the end i go eat with xn, lin er and kah him at ishi murai! lol we drag dam long over there. and in the end me and kah him tried to leave when they are sleeping, but xn saw us and tried to join in the fun. but in the end franc went with us. in the end, me and xn went to the cinemas at cathey room 3 D7 and 8!we laugh and ask each other to shut up for quite a long time while lin er waited for us outside. sad sad. haa okay la that is all

Whew, student leader investiture 2009 is over, and i must confess, i was dam nervous under that blazer. Well, it was raining on that day and i was in charge of that event. So the councilors in the council room was like qionging to get ready, and get smart. I got into the blazer last and with that i qiong to the Lecture Theatre. It was quite peaceful before the rest of the student cohort comes in and the rest of the event proceeded with ms yeo mentioning my name and serene's name in the speech. We were quite stunned at first. Next we went on stage to collect our badge from ms yeo. Man i was shaking all over. Finally when the event was all over, we qiong to take pics! i even took pics with my two sisters + kah him. well that was that. Yesterday fri was the quick and yet last rehearsal we had for teacher's day. it ended quite late and me, xn and franc went burger king to eat. that was after we crash franc dinner with her friend. haa. the rehearsal the day before, we were cam whoring at toast box like crazy. but franc haven't send me pics yet. ;p k got to go for now!

just came back from rehearsals for the investiture 2009. man i was dead tired. talking about dead, it is the 7th month already haa, anyway, there has been several things that happened, that changed my life. well maybe it is just one. i became the vice president of Student Council 2009. i dunno if that is good or bad. i had moments emoing over the pros and cons but it just didn't add up for me. well one thing is for sure- it aint going to be easy. the first person i told was xn, followed by loryane(no choice one and she called me vice p when she saw me) and francesca, followed by shuyi. well though i wasn't suppose to say, xn and francesca are my best friends so i didn't want to keep it from them. they were very happy for me, but i didn't feel happy at all, cause i thought everything about my life is going to change. it wasn't until later that night, when xn assured me, that they will never leave me that i feel so much better. i love you girls! haa the rehearsal was a success. and we had a lot of laughter like ling jie's smile, the reading of chin hung name wrongly and many more. i had my two sister do the timings and the labelling. in the end, we went home not by ourselves, but as the 5th Council. Many people were talking to my sis, so i decide to leave the grp, cause i wanted to clear my head. since i didn't want to bother them, and they were going to clark kee, i left. but i stopped at the road, there were a lot of cars. suddenly, someone tug at my bag, well it was francesca. haa she didn't want me to jaywalk, so in the end, we walk to the mrt. again i left the grp, but i had to top up my card, so at the gantry, i met them again. this time,xn shoo me aside, and we all laughed. well i certainly hoped my life ain't going to change for the worse.

UPPP movie !!!

aarrrghhhh i wan LTC! darn that day must be dam tired liao, i really want LTC!

is the start of august, the busy month, council departments are yet to come out. for me, i just want to sleep. h1n1 and its strains are really bad. my friend, franc, just got ili. really hope she will get well soon. as for another friend of mine, i feel really bad for not being able to help her with her subjects. also one of fav teacher ms wong is getting married! haa really feel happy for her. i guess i will go visit her soon! wonder how my teachers are doing. it also reminds me of ms tan seow wee. ( i dun like calling her mrs chua) wonder how cute is her baby now.. haa k got to go. sch work is hell and makes me wish for holidays. k sayonara!

she is definitely weird, ain't the normal kind of person. though everything seem normal to me on the outside, i got a feeling that there would never be anything between us but being just friends. and i mean just friends. as much as i want to cry now, my heart told me to continue, to wait for my fate. i really hope i am doing the right thing. mr form teacher, told us about love, told us it is harmful, yet helpful if used correctly. i really love her, i really do. my current situation is not helping. i got a 49th position in school and it sux. i am aiming to be at the top. kinda impossible for me now. "to hate her for who she is and not love her for not who she is not" well i must be too blinded in love.

today was a special day for me! it was supposed to be a dam sian day, but i made it colourful! it was project work in the morning so i went to woodlands library at 9 and as usual they were all late... soon we made our way to bugis where we headed for the national library. whew lots of books and librarian checks. by the time i was finished with project work i rushed down to orchard with my 大姐 xn. we went to orchard ion toilet and it was awesome! ha ha. then we went walking and talking and finally found Kinokuniya! (well thanks to jq) i think we stayed inside for around an hour. i walked up and down up and down and finally bought a pen for myself. darn it cost 9.45 but it was special to me, cause 大姐bought for me! ha ha she was interested in a hello kitty pen, and even though i gave her the ten dollars voucher, she hesitated to buy. so i just bought it for her. ha ha hope she likes it. then we went to far east plaza to eat, dunno what is the name of the shop but we both ordered the same things. i actually didn't want to buy the same things but when she placed her orders i was surprised it was totally the same as mine! ha see if i can upload a pic next time. when she was finished, we went shopping. she bought a scarf and a skirt, all checkered. wow. finally we made our way back home. on the way, she got stomach ache stage 1 followed by 2. sorry for her. well in the end my day end up with loads of homework. ha i love it!

back from another study and pw session, whew, glad i was able to help them out. qiong to woodlands library at 11 again with xn and franc but this time kah him was there too! i think she is the only one who managed fine without us. haa smart girl. well xn is smart too, i can feel it. but she is just LAZY T.T Franc on the other hand was super hard working, i think is average IQ but she can spend like half and hour on each question. Xn was then craping some lame jokes, either that or she was singing to herself. end up, we as in franc and i said shutup on purpose together. she stil didn't listen haa and franc wrote "txn shut up" with a love sign there ha that was hilarious and kind of cute too. i was glad i solved several questions this time round. hais stupid chem questions i hate chem! anyway we packed up and went to eat lunch. got a call from leader then, freaking frustrated. the girls were stuck in the toilet for a while, so i grabbed an chocolate sundale! delicious! next we went causeway to eat, we were first thinking of pasta mania but the girls think that i got not much time, so we went mos burger instead ! i was laughing like mad inside when i saw a dam fat teenage girl staring at xn who on the other hand was quite slim. haa we bought burgers, share fries (some people did it willingly) share chili sauce(dunno why i got tomato sauce) and crack the sweet saliva joke! haa then i grudgingly left and went to look for pw leader. we discussed for quite a long time, adding more work and work, i lied to my friends that i got over that pw leader crutches easily, hais but wat they don't know doesn't hurt them. just now consult jieqi for help for his animation so, THANKS JIEQI! treat you lunch one day! hais mon flag raising, better be mentally prepared.

hais my life is literally screwed upside down again. last night was really a night to remember for me. in the morning, i went woodlands library for study right beside pw group haa, xn francesca and me were sniggering throughout the entire session, from francesca hair joke, to xn totally laughing for no reason. hais i feel bad for being unable to teach them the maths topic on induction. no preperation some more. sorry buddy! next we went horizon to eat. i bought the boneless chicken while xn bought the grilled fish and francesca bought the fish cullet. lol xn's joke on how her saliver made the food taste sweet last the entire day. we shared the food, or it is actually xn and france that shared their food with me. i was touched lor. first time in my life. hais but it taste sweet anyway! i totally enjoyed their company. after pw leader called, we headed home, quite tired yet satisfied. Xn went home to practice piano which starts at 5. france also went home. then xn sms me asking me whether i can make it to sembawang beach at 6.15. despite how much i wanted to go, i was afraid that my parents won't allow, so i lied (unfortunately) that i am going fishing with oliver and shi hong. darn am i stupid or what. i cycled there and met them but they came at around 7. even though we had not much to talk, we laugh, walk and eat chips at the same time under a hut. cause it was raining. we strolled along the beach looking for rocks to sit on but we found none. next we went to blue heavens to have our dinner. quite a long walk and we took many pics on the way there. lol. of our shadows we went to two coffee shops but settled for the second one cause it is cheaper. hais. makes me wonder how adults make so much to come to these places. in the end we ordered fish head curry and rice. haa the aunty was giving me a funny look. after cam whoring, the food arrived. i ate a bit and gave up due to its spiciness. hais. but xn wouldn't let me off and planted more fish meat on my plate. well thanks. the two of them literally cleaned the whole bowl of fish head curry except the bones and eyes... after laughing for a while, we went back home. i escorted them to the bus-stop before qionging home. well everything turn quite good that day if not for the lying. upload a few pics next time...

hais feeling quite weird lately, think got a case of split personality here. yesterday went alameem with xn, franc, kah him and loryane. as always, it was a bunch of jokes and laughter that accompanies this crowd. we walked there, quite a distance though. it is like a coffee shop with expensive drinks. in the end, only xn and i ordered drinks- milo dinasaur! haa laugh a lot too. and xn was like siao, finish an entire plate of noodles plus the drinks. wow in the end when we reach home, she got stomach ache. seriously think she needs to see the doctor. lately, i have been super duper werid, very cranky. can laugh for one moment, next moment can shout at someone. i must be thinking too much. hmm really leh, sometimes girls can be the root of all guys thoughts and troubles.went to emo in audition just now, for the music i guess, and xn was playing ha when i ask her, she say sian, i say sian, and i just can't talk. really in a bad mood. hais last paper coming, but i just don't feel the stress leh. argh someone please talk to me.

wow just came back from civic centre teaching maths and not chem, though it was a little tiring, i really enjoyed it. though she came an hour late, i really don't mind cause i got her company, her humour and her sweet smile hehe =p if anyone should know there is only franc. she came later to help with the calculator but gave up in the end. Throughout the entire session, xn was like in her own world lol she opens her eyes big, and watery, staring right at me .. i was a bit dunno-what-to-do on the inside. i didn't quite get what she was doing. but in the end, i turn out doing the same thing. gosh. when she look up at me, she almost got a choke. ha we sidetracked a lot and in the end when i wanted to treat her ice-cream, she insisted and pay me back in coins.darn. in sll i really enjoyed her company though i wasn't able to help her much.really hope there are more chances in this. i really hope to be her best friend!

well here goes, ... the summer tests have finally arrived. well here goes nothing. i was talking to my friend last night. relationships and stuff and suddenly, i felt as if she called out my name aloud in my mind. the kind of inocence in her voice, the kind of sweetness, made me froze on the spot. i can't describe it, can it really be supernatural forces? it came to me like an impact. "jie chou" whew i had goosebumbs. it was similar to how she called me the first time we talked. mann i must be going nuts. also, guess if she get a bf first, i will not be able to ask her out for grad night this year. you know how shy i am with girls. even during gathering, i will not talk much with them. so she is one of the only two person i am okay with. hais. how i wished to be that guy. weird huh. maybe i am not. but does it really matter...

is it just me or are all boys from boys school going crazy after coming out from secondary school. nvm, anyway this past days have been totally boring for me. but i don't know why i dreamt of something weird suddenly in broad day light. what is life meant for me. why did i end up on earth. is there a mission for me? i ponder and ponder but i just can't find the answer. hais if i can only find out what...

is it true that friendship is what holds the world together? well i believed it at first. when i met these two friends. they were like the perfect friends to me. even if others don't think so, i truely felt and grew attached to them. i dun know why and i don't know wherethe they feel the same way. but as months pass, i began to realise it slowly that it wasn't just friendship holding the world together. there is still another element that was so strong, so strong that i can even cry when they are upset (think i am going crazy). it was love they were more than just friends to me. they were like sisters, maybe more, but throughout the entire jc life that i had so far. the only things that i had on my mind was them. even during the camps, everything on my mind was about them. i am no stalker. i am just concern over them. in my mind, i just wanted to protect them, help them, and also be there for them. they have done a lot for me, and i felt i had to do the same...

-The moment I first saw you, you warmed my heart, the second time you made little flames and now you make my heart burn like hell !
-Loving you could take my life, but when I look into your eyes, I know you're worth that sacrafice!
-The world is so more beautiful with you around!
-I do not think much, i do not think often, but when I think, I think of you!
-If your heart was a prison, I would like to be sentenced for life
-There are a lot of birds wispering only about you, you should once listen to them, then you would know how much I love you.
-I wanted to send you all my love but the postman said it was too big !!!!!
-You are like the sunshine so warm, you are like sugar, so sweet... you are like you... and that's the reason why I love you!
-Do you believe in love at first sight .. or do I have to walk by again??
-Heaven is the place where I would be, the day you would stop loving me!

wheww glad that nobody from my sch knows i have a blog... will never hear the end from some people if they find out. one of my friend sad over something and she haven't tell me and i can't help! man i feel sad also. can't stand the boredom from msn blocking. just asked my friend to unblock me. had quite a chat like always. and as always, she never fails to make me laugh. normally when i said lol i didn't really mean it but put it there just for the sake of putting it. but with this friend, i seriously laugh out loud. just couldn't help it when i read the msg with the voice in my head. haa really a good break from the trainings and studying i am doing. whoa the pain from my leg is less painful liao, stupid pellet gun. hmm got to go and study liao...

sian la stupid h1n1, postpone the camp. now all the plans we made are temperally put on hold, dampen my mood now.... haiya...guess i better start studying too.

i have been feeling freaking frustrated these days, esp today... darn basthian thinks that i have a crush on a girl in the council. although it is partly true,i denied everything... i just didn't want anyone to find out, anyone to get hurt and least of all, me getting hurt from any rejection. sometimes being quiet is still gold. innocence is still bliss and i just can't risk exposing this... for now. but i do know if anyone knows of anything, basthian would have to watch out for his neck.... haiya why do things have to turn out this way...

everything just seems to turn into a rush... i have only 4 days left to study 5 subject. and i totally dun know what to do, plus the fact that i still have to keep a promise. haiya, have to squeeze a few subjects into one day. sian. all this preperations are tough... the so called holiday i took was tougher. i was sitting on the edge of my window and i was thinking about my life. hmm. i seem to be a damned guy, i kinda bring trouble to everybody near me. i can't help but feel hopeless, feel that my character is too weak. i am always afraid of talking to people i am not familiar to, esp girls. :p furthermore, i am a councilor and i am so screwed. recently i found out what another fellow councilor did to ruin me. that stupid councilor spread another rumour about me with my best friend. i was so pissed but i guessed this is not boy's school where you can just whack that person. i am so sorry for my friend to be involved in this. whereas for the person who spread this rumour, i hope that you will get what you deserved, bitch! haiya i am turning evil because of this person. totally hate her. my friend even say must forgive and forget. how am i supppose to forgive this person when she keeps on doing such childish things. dun care, if she does anything more to hurt my friend, i will beat her, i swear. i also swear to protect all those i cared for. therefore, if anyone wants to do anything against them, they will have to face me... big talk when i can't even cope myself. haiya, no choice lor. i will try my best.

over these days, it has really been a torture rather than a holiday for me. beside the normal training that i received, i had to take on another kind of torture,to be kept away from my friends as much as possible. i said it as a training as it has really been eating my mind these few days driving me totally crazy. last night, after talking to xn, i felt a lot better. somehow the girl is special just by her nature without her even realising it. last night, at 12 plus, i sat on the window grill looking at the sea below me, and as i turned my glance towards the stars, small yet bright looking little stars, i saw a face. i didn't know why but it has kinda made me cry. it has been a while i must agree. it is dam rare that a boy my age would cry. today, my facebook shows a msg by xn and she addressed me as brother! lol she is weird, i dun even know what she wants me to address her. and there was the eric guy again... lol my hands itched to punk him. and i did. last night when talking to my friend, she mentioned that she doesn't like straightforward guys. and i quickly thought of myself. scared, i asked her about what she thinks about me. and she said even though i may be a bit emotional, i am still different. i really wonder how different. am i really such a guy that nobody accept? think i am going to watch the stars for the face again...




just came back and whew it was one heck of a camp. first i want to say this:"I hate twinkers" but in all the entire camp had quite an impact on me.emoing on the hall deck, i took a pic as i sat there stoning. all these months, i felt a sense of duty to protect my friends, i don't know why, but this is true. i don't know how to phrase it well, but i really care for them one way or another. On one hand, i felt a bit awkward to approach them, i really can't just ignore them. on the first day, for what we thought was hell of a day, i indirectly kanna shoot* by mr cho for laughing and giggling away with xn and franc. So for the following games that came, dun laugh but i tried to help them as much as i can. you can call me stupid, but sometimes, it is really worth it after doing all those.after many twinkers, pushups postitin, i felt the strain came. although i can't help much on the first day, i was rather disappointed that xn and franc cannot join me in our planned discussion. haiya. instead i changed out of the bright gay green vastica t-shirt and sneak out tooking a midnight stroll around the school thinking of the state of emotions i am in right now. that night was a half crescent night and i sat at the throwers' pit looking at it, my mind is like a whirlwind now. they are like sisters to me, yet i became more and more thoughtful of them esp one of them... sometimes i ask myself wherethe i am doing this fren fren relationship right. please if anyone is reading this, just don't treat it seriously, i am a human with a mind. as i stayed there for hours, the clouds began to form and it started to rain on me, small little droplets at first, huge ones later made me turn back. i came to a conclusion that it is my bad that i don't look good, neither do i have the "right" behaviour. Honesly, i only reason why i joined council, is because of these people that changed my mind. true i didn't know wherethe they will get into council or not, i heard from some of my friends that they are joining. but don't get me wrong, i ain't a stalker,... i just needed some friends, some buddy, some ...i dunno. i went back and closed my eyes pretending to sleep until bas* leg hug me in his sleep,... yuck. day 2 was no joke when they say it will be a day we have never felt before. we woke up at 6 , half and hour before the girls. me and jian sheng geiqiang go do pull ups. and we kanna strain... we went for morning 2.4 jog but it was almost like a walk. apart from looking out for my friends, i had to look out for the president too. dam sian i also kanna asked to lead a cheer. so paiseh. then after that we had to do all those punishments and sorts. after lunch came the real test of our mental and physical strength. filling up of the black hole. we had to freaking carry pails of water and run a long route to fill up the pit at the track area.it was seriously tiring even in the first round. at first i thought there would only be one round. all of us thought so too. everyone pia so hard, even the girls are under the sun(the most tiring part)Looking at their tired faces, i tried to stationed myself beside my friends to help them. many times, i ignored their stretched out hands for help. instead i qiong through them saying it is okay. i guessed i was a bit protective over them. when i saw two pails coming, i didn't want them to take the bigger pails. in the end i qiong with two full pails. it was hard, tiring yet i felt satisfied. when the 45 mins is up, the pit is only 1/4 filled. still a long way to go,and i thought it was the end. then came round 2 and 3. i thought i was going to faint. but thinking of how much my friends have helped me through my anti-social problems all this while, i didn't want them to suffer. so with some renewed strength, i took over them under the sun and ask them to station under the shelter. sometimes when i saw them trying very hard, i would try to get their load off. end of 3 rounds, i had cramps all over including my shoulder.then came round 4 despite the numerous offers to go inside and press the tap, i continued to help outside. if i can cover the outside job, then there won't be a need for my friends to suffer that much. still carrying two pails, i rushed until i cannot make it, i walked. instead i got scolding for walking. mr cho said, "look at your friends, they are suffering, what makes you think you have the right to walk when they are all suffering." i looked at them, then i realised that he was right. i qiong again. last ten mins of the game, i was forced by my seniors to go inside. having no other choice, i followed. shivering from the cold, the water kept escaping from the pails.finally, we finished the game, we stood in the pit of water and everyone had a great sense of archievement. then followed the dumping of people first the president, then mr cho(who came out like want to beat people) then mr teo, then mr lim, haha we went back to bath within 10mins.then came dinner, i was upset over the lack of opportunities that i had with my good friends last night. however, this time it was franc who asked me to sit with them.heaving a sigh of relief, i sat down and we started talking. xn took my ladies fingers. and the rest of the meal was ate in laughter. during this camp i learnt a few jokes. first is by either franc or serene. huang liu hong! haha then second one by xn. yi liang zhi. haha last one is on the third day, by kenneth. that is one car you should never scratch! lol during supper on the second night, i had the chance to sit down with my good friends! we chatted, took pics, and had a great time laughing. mr cho then gave me a packet of ion drink which was expeired last mth. franc then quickly ask mr cho why he gave me a expired packet. finally we turned in for the night. zhi jian came and talked with me about our lives. then we finally went to sleep. i took only one hour of closed eyes before 3.30 time for the jog. we each ate a bananna. stretch and walked the gambas trail. dam it was long and they even asked us to carry ling jie and nissa. man ling jie was heavy. my arms was aching like hell. when we finally reach the destination, we were asked to do the school song while doing twinkers. siao we were like standing there for half and hour. finally we got it right. and man were we happy. we went to the teletubby hill and had the slope climb. in the end after watching franc and xn going up first, i supported them from below pushing as hard as possible with no one supporting me from below. i was like climbing up the slope myself. when i finally reach the end, i had cuts all over. bites were inevitable. franc was ok, but xn ended with a cut. despite my own pain, i asked her if she was alright out of concern. finally the most touching thing mr cho said that day, "good morning councilors!" then followed by the whole 4th council saying the same thing with the sun as the back drop. we were finally councilors! we then strolled back to school. on the way franc took off the sandals and walked all the way. sometimes hopping. lol we reached school did twinkers while receiving our shirts. next we had to wash the canverse sheets. with small sponges and soap and a fire hose. we cleaned up the sheets. xn was laughing when xiu xian fell, the next moment she slipped and fell too. i was so shocked myself. i quickly went forward to see if she was alright. but there was already a grp of people surrounding her. it was hurting to see her fall, something in my heart tells me i could have done something before she fall. the scrubbing was tiring under the hot sun. the liquid that flowed away was blue, yuck. i sat by myself on the edge, thinking why have i become such a looser. and the stupid childish yq coming another scandal of me with my best friends. i dun want to say who but it really makes me feel bad for involving the other girl when she did nth to deserve it. i was not quite socialble so i sat there staring emptyly into space.franc then take my phone and take a pic of an ant. when it was finally over, and when kevin got the camper of LTC 2009 rofl, xn franc and me went to eat at causeway. at first, xn didn't want to go, i was a bit disappointed but i understand why. so i just left without even asking franc, cause i thought she may have the same ans as her friend. as i left alone, franc came rushing up and ask me wherethe i want to eat. so i said okay, we saw xn on the way too and she say i must find reason to sui fu her. thinking of nth, i just talked and joke until she agreed.finally when we got to causeway laughing at the slope game between xn and franc, we qiong to get slurpee. then to my disappointment again, franc got to go home. so we met iskandar and we went to eat at banquet. laughter was inevitable with xn around. i really enjoyed talking to her. she was really bubbly and everything she said was so kiddish yet funny! ha. finally we went home. to me i really enjoyed being with the friends i care for. during the entire camp, it was torture to sit with others. but somehow, these friends of mine gave me the courage and strength to carry on. thanks girls!

days have been quite a mess for me lately,everything about my life is screwed upside down by pw, meetings with friends. talking about that, i went down to nus for an interview session with professor wong lately, and just came back from tanjong pagar from an interview session with another mr wong, and also a lovely lady from n parks, Karen i think, to assist us. i wasn't interested, so in all it was quite borring, i met up with an old friend of mine, okay not that old, Angie and she complained about her day being wasted, ha, i can't help her much about relationships but i certainly do lend her my ears. i wasn't quite helpful so i left early. chat with my friend and then audition...life isn't the same again...

Soulmate is your partner that accompanies you with your journey forever and ever. He or she makes you laugh, listens to you, complys to your girlish or boyish excuses, care for you, be there for you, and be everything that you are not able to archieve by yourself. Your soulmate is your partner of life, joy and greatness, he or she may lie to you but sometimes it is for your own good. He or she loves you as much as you love him or her. He or she will sacrifice for you and may appear to you as your best friend at first, but in time to come, you will finially realise how much you need him or her. He or she could be nearer than you think so treasure them while you can...for me, they are all true. There are times where i felt the same way, but i am not sure the other half actually felt the same way. i am afraid to ask, i am, really... i don't want to get hurt twice. it is painful.

just came back from raffles after celebrating iskandar birthday. although i had to fork out 21 bucks and ouch, i didn't mind, seeing all the happiniess and laughter in their faces. the happiness from keeping the secret from iskandar. the happiness of buying the cake, the happiness in celebrating the joy of a bithday kid. people thank me and commented that i have a black face, but truthfully, other than the crap answer i gave back that i was tired, i was actually full in my thoughts. had lunch with kah him and xian ngoh at Ishi Mura northpoint! it was awesome except when they ask me go toilet take pictures. after the pre u sem event ended, my mind if full of confusion when we were leaving city hall, and i needed time to sort it out. This morning, x confided her thoughts with me, and i was surprised to learn something new. even though i gave her advices, i myself felt jeolous. what has happened to me. i felt very possessive almost as if i would not let anybody get near... haiya. i am going nuts. sometimes i find that _ _ _ _ really makes one crazy. i wasn't really in the mood just now and while everyone was asleep on the train, i tried to sneak out of without waking them. as i turned my back away from them, i felt something sank in me. franc sms me bye and i turned back and wave. that is it. i stepped out feeling like i did something my heart didn't want me to. stupid me. needed the rest of the week to concentrate on my principles. wat is it that i really want ? wat is it...

today was kinda cruel for me. came to school at 8 and i saw no one, slept by myself. it was raining when we arrived at sentosa, as much as i wanted to find my friends to talk i realised something. i was being selfish. selfish little me... i was so engrossed in having xn and franc as my friends that i did not consider their personal life. stupid me stupid me... i regret my actions. all this while i thought they were everthing i have and i am the only friend in their lives. i was so blinded. arghh now i am begining to resemble the eric guy. today i didn't get much chances in getting to know more about my friends and i kinda emo throughout the event. sometimes i find that nobody understands me, and even if they do they will never have time for poor little me. they day turned out okay except for my emoing and the students there interacted happily and willingly with me and it was them who started conversation with me. some were bosy so i just gave them the diao face.as much as i want to be friends, i realised deep in my heart it is foolish to wait it really is. my heart needed the very element that kept me shut for the past 4 years. i promised the person i would tell her someday when i felt like it. actually it was the very person i fell for, it was the very person who brought the youthful feelings in me. i want to thank her that time, but i end up falling deeper and deeper with her... give me a sign please!

today was a hilarious day, tell you in a while. i met my good friends xn and franc at cck. it was suppose to be at 11.30but i decided to come 20 minutes earlier, little did i know that xn came 25 minutes earlier than me.lol i looked for her and we sat down outside mc donald while i ate ice cream.yum. she was carrying her bro zinc bunny bag and it looked funny! it was quite awkward when i saw some other council friend. and xn was telling me later they misunderstand. haa right. then franc came around 5mins late and we all dilidali and ate at a shop in the basement floor when we enter the laughter began. it is how it sounds like, franc telling the waitress: okok watever just sit down
haa then franc was asking in a weird tone at the waitress and since the waitress isn't local, xn tried imitating her pitch and tone said something like that: you want curry or sth like that.i was laughing like hell. lol then we eat and laugh eat and laugh till there is like no tomorrow. people stare at us but i don't care. even though i was laughing, i realised that there is someone following out movements. or is it my movements. i felt weird. throughout the entire day i felt like i am being followed. then iskandar found us and we made our way to nus. As we were walking down a staircase, another man walked up the staircase with a pink bunny ha wat a coincidence. xn looked pass him then looked back with a shock face.haa we were like laughing throughout the trip. when we found the bus stop after a while since it took franc a while with a sprain leg, we saw ms sim and we were both thinking of sharing cabs. ha it was a hot day. when we finally got there, i began to notice a certain guy initial E. he was quite friendly towards xn and i was wondering why. ha when the event started i saw many of my friends! i was so happy i jumped up and down up and down several times. there was manfred victor morries and 3 others. wow xn was also hyped up dunno for what reason. in all everything went smoothly. except for the guy. ha by that time, his actions digust me. where is she, what is she doing, where you all eating. haiya, crap him, if he likes her then tell her. kinda remind me of myself too. but who cares. my father called and i just remembered i have aikido. i smack myself on the head as i was suppose to eat with them at north point. ha on the train i tried to siam the E guy. but franc called me to join them so bo bian. i stayed with them for a while unitl i was so disgusted with him that i go sit on the floor by myself. haiya i could tell it was awkward but i din't care. dam late lieo i write part 2 tomorrow

had a great day today with a few of my good friends at pgp today, glad our terms are becoming better now. throughout the event i was quite enthu till it was time to go home. lol everyone qiong up the bus. i was tired and slept on the bus it was not until i got stung by a spider. yuck, my hand was numb from the sting but i just didn't care about it. when i finally alighted, my muscles was aching from the poisoning but i know it should be harmless. xn had been stung by something too and she got swollen middle finger. hope she gets better. me franc iskan and xn ate at causeway banqute or something like that, we had a lot of laughter from the jokes that mainly came from xn. she was a completely different person then in sch. her jokes were cold yet hilarious. found out that franc got bf, and she even was so happy from a sms from her bf that she lost her footing. darn i was so worried. so was everyone else.everyone was humourous except me guess i was kind of extra there. throughout the entire thing, i felt that i was being followed by someone. part of me wanted to enjoy the fun, but then part of me wanted to protect my friends from the danger that may come due to me. just now i chatted with xn and i suddenly lose my cool. i was being teased by her on qing hua. hiaya, guess past experience tell me this is wrong. the pain i went through last time was not worth experiencing it again. guess i am really sorry for shouting at her on msn. coming from cat high certainly gave me a great disadvantage. sorry xn.

had a great chat last night with two of my friends, at the same time, so it is kind of hectic. haha it was very relaxing for me as i find both of them great people to talk to. they would always be optimistic especially these two and i really look up to them as though they were my sisters. One of them mentioned being scared of love and had stayed away from it, how i wished i had done the same. But seriously, is it going to be permenant? i dunno but i can only trust her judgement. Even though one of them is my long lost friend, and i had know both of them personally for a few months, i had grown quite a lot under them, the way they taught me to on how to let my emotions out, how to deal with certain people. man, i am seriously pathetic. but deep down in my heart, my actual reason for living my life is to protect those i love. My parents, my brother, and now even the two friends i made. i know i am lousy in terms of everthing and compared to them, i am like so down below, but still i believe and hope to be better under their guidance, and may there be a time, i can be of help to everyone i ever cared for.

just came back from SPF training, i felt a guilt stiring into me, arghh becoming very unsocialble every minute. what has gottten into me... i just can't stop thinking ... i was so close yet so far away... overall the training was alright, but i personally feel that we are still not up to standard enough. haiya, why i am i having this same weird but old feeling again... i know i shouldn't have this feeling but it has been a while since i have felt it... it is almost as if you can give up everything you have for it. hmm feeling very depressed today, someone please guide me...

though today was tiring, it was meaningful, i now got a Da Jie!

whew just came back from school, freaking tired, especially from the late chat last night with my friend XN, gt to know a lot about her..sounds pretty friendly to me, but today, i just can't chat more than 2 sentence with her... think that was my lousiness. shot some hoobs today and even wanted to play vb just now, but the stupid coach was there. darn. life is becoming more meaningless to me, and my friend said "Cheer UP" and i just felt like it. but tomorrow is karen yap's lessons and omgthere is freaking lot of homework not done. maybe just borrow from my friends tomorrow... so tired, why did i get myself in pre u sem in the first place... but then it was worth while making some new friends like Iskandar Xian En Francesca and some others. haiah my social circle is so small... when i look around my friends in JC those that i called friends... they are those kind of bubbly personalities. Take the three councilors that i made friends with recently... Iskandar is normally quiet but he will suddenly be a a socialble maniac, francesca is like xian en bff and she is normally friendly so i found it easy to talk to her. xian en on the other hand has almost the same temprements(think i spelled it right) she is a rational and a peaceful person and while i am supposed to be rational and peaceful, i dun think i am peaceful enough. she however will not talk unless with a purpose, weird like me... haha but i can feel a bubbly character in her when i chat with her on msn. like me, she is a totally different person on the net. lol pre u sem coming and so is camps and summer tests. gulp dunno wherethe i can make it for my summer test.

here are more pictures of the nus trip, though they are not mine, hope bastian doesn't sue me lol









here are more pictures of the nus trip, though they are not mine, hope bastian doesn't sue me lol



today was quite meaningful for me... i had to attend lessons by ms wang, so i had no choice but to ask xian en and francesca to help me. I was still half asleep when i stepped into school. suddenly, a hand waving at me caught my attention. it was xian en's, in a flash i got to wake up and "hi" back at her. lol. i was kind of nervous around girls, as i came from an all boy's school. so i tried my best to chat with her but still awkward... so no choice. at 12.40 we gathered at the foyer for the NUS rekee trip 2, and i received another piece of paper. i became a station master. drats.anyway i was still frustrated over the liana who took the materials into her own posessions. hiah... i look at francesca francesca look at me i look at xian en, and she look even more blur haha no offense. i listened to music all the way there while others talk, joke and laugh away.wer took several pictures inlcuding the monster qing hua came out with- i show you the picture...rofl. after that me xian en franseca and iskandar spam the 3rd bus all the way to clementi mrt, i still haven't forgiven him for that. haha. still missing out on a lot of things. i guess that my character as a rational still doesn't change...still missing out on something....

it has been a long time since i went to sentosa, good gracious, the placed changed a lot... anyhow, the pre-u sem people went there, and i wasn't exceptioned. Went to school early in the morning and man i just wanted to sit there, listen to music and sleep. i wasn't very interested and there weren't many 5 council in my group, there is only Iskanda that i talked too. hiah, i seriously need friends...when we reached there, the instructors, mainly, Paddy , Min, and a french guy called sil... dunno how to spell. we had to try out the entire event of raft building, row here and there find things and plan the actually event. darn some of the meetings were in the air conditioned room and i was freezing to death from my wet pants. we took a group photo (someone ought to upload) and when everything was over, i went home thinking, wat have i learnt today, i seriously dunno. then came hw hw hw... yawn better sleep

my luck has been quite bad lately, got a flu, got a place of facilitation snatched away, lost a friend, hiah..... really dunno what will happen next. sometimes i would ask myself if i am really such a lousy person, so bad that i can't make much friends easily? really tired goodnight

dam i am seriously sick now, all the work that pile up in front of me... just came back from school, felt so tired that i freaking want to rest. i got two injured hands now and i badly want to perform well for my academics and sports. better get well for mon's recky trip... hiah.. sometimes i am not that tactful with making friends. just take this person as an example, dots... i didn't know person A was a old school mate of mine, but i wanted to remember my old school days, and since i got nth to do at that time, i read person's A blog, then i went to chat online with the person and dam, i sound like a stalker...supposed there is nth i can do now, just wait...

dam, begining to come down on something, just when swine flu is around the corner. days in my JC sure are tough. met many new friends, not many of them are nice people. well i can name a few nice people, people in council with me, let's see, Bastian, Francesca, Sharifah, Xian En and Iskandar. to be frank i am freaked out being a student councillor, i can't even stand the long hours of briefing and stuff, and i was going omg omg omg in my mind while looking at the clock. Maybe i am not suitable after all, i can't stand sitting in a room while the other people talk nonsense. So many councilors, let them get their positions and keep the mouths shut, haha. i think i will just be a normal councilor. my weekend was filled with fun, so much so that i forget my homeworks. darn. on fri night, i celebrated my friend birthday! it was Amanda's and we went to watch 17 again. i could have swear it was a chick flick, but the comedy part was cool. before the movie, i was like qionging amanda's essay with her haha and we qiong right to the movie. loyrane jasmine angela jun rong were there too and when jr went looking for his lost laptop, amanda and i was like looking through his shoebag for out burgers. lol. i think the movie is filled with funny scenes especially the computer geek peacocking around the principal and the principal was like going"are you peacocking?". sat was burned too as i went eastcoast for class outing. like wth, we went there to play cards.... but the forefeit was hilarious, jun hong was going "garang guni" in the middle of east coast.haha and gary had to sit beside a guy reading newspaper. rofl .it was happy moment for all of us, we even play at the bowling alley there. man it was exx. i scored 104 points. whew. hmm, jc life is kinda wild, i met several new friends and found old ones too. like i even got to know that xian en is from semb pri . lol nvr see her before (confirmed by francesca) . must go qiong hw now. b b

just came back from school, and decided to blog on this.
my birthday was 2 days ago omg i am one year older. Even though i didn't had time to celebrate it, i still want to thank the following people for their well wishes.
First of all the people who sms me early in the morning,
Jieqi, Jeffrey, Kelvin, Melvin, Ci Jie(at night)
People who facebooked me :p
Bryan, Wilson, Weishian, Yun Heng, Kai Jen, Beir, Annette, Afrah, Ms Wong, Warren, Jia Yong Melvin, Jeffrey, Xavior, Wen Xin and Siti
Friends who wished me personally
Jun Rong, Jasmine, Lorayne, Jermiah, Jeremy, and my class 912A! (thanks for the hello panda)
I enjoyed the mental company you guys gave me, so thanks a lot!