Today is the day!

Today is the day and the wedding is finally here. I can't believe my baby sister is tying to knot!! Here I sit, with all my hair supplies set up, turned on and organized for any complication that will arise. I can't help but wonder what is going through her mind at this very moment. She is at the nail salon getting her nails filled and toenails painted. I'm sure she is worried about the flowers, cake, guests showing up on time. Will my nephew actually make it down the aisle without screaming or holding up the rest of the line. Or maybe she is thinking about how beautiful she feels in that gorgeous white dress. The dress she will wear when she vows to love, honor and cherish. Is she thinking of her wedding ring. The ring she will wear for the rest of her life, showing her loyalty and committment to everyone she comes across. She might be thinking of Kelly. The man she has chosen to spend the future with...buying a house, having kids and then having grandkids. Is she thinking of the way he looks at her when he realizes he's completely head over heels for her.

I'm sure all of those things are running through her mind. I know they are running through my mind. I'm her older sister, I can't help but worry about her and hope that she makes the right choices in her life. And I believe she is. She is in love and has found her everlasting companion. I couldn't be more happy for her. My baby sister is about to walk down the aisle; to Kelly's favorite song. She's about to say "I do" and vow to love, honor and cherish. She is about to be kissed by her soulmate to complete the moment. She will love and be loved.

I'm overjoyed with happiness today. Today is about Andee and Kelly. Forget the sorrows in my life, the stress at work, the loss of friends. Today is a celebration of love between my sister and my future brother-in-law.

Today is a special day. A toast to Andee and Kelly. Good luck in all you do. Marriage can be tough, but if you are open-minded and willing to cooperate it will be such a wonderful adventure. I love you both and I can't wait to see you walk down the aisle as husband and wife.

Memorial Day

The day has come and gone and I'm saddened to know we need an official day to remember and celebrate the lives of love ones lost. Of course John has been on my mind all weekend. We've been contemplating driving up to the SLC cemetery to pay our respects, but we just can't get ourselves up there. Its hard. Everyone has a different view on visiting grave sites. Some people think its completely morbid, some feel its useless because that person is physically there but not spiritually and some feel drawn to it. I haven't decided which category fits us. It is a little strange visiting a granite stone on the ground when all it really is, is a granite stone on the ground. It is weird to think his body is literally 6 feet under and then its interesting to know that we have a place to go to mourn for our friend.

In John's suicide note, it actually read "To my friends, come visit me often." What does that mean? Does he want us to visit his grave site? Does it mean he wants us to go hiking and think of him while we are enjoying mother nature, as he did every day of his life. Or does it mean he wants us to celebrate his life and think of him when something reminds us of him? I don't know exactly what he meant...he could have meant all three. But what does it mean to us? I know Joe thinks about him everyday. I know Joe still has not deleted his phone number from his cell phone. I know Joe hasn't deleted his "gaming profile" he used every time he played our X-box. I know Joe is still having a hard time with the fact that he is gone.

Tears still seem to overwhelm me even now as I think about Joe's loss. And John's family. To think I haven't spoken to any of them since the funeral. I wonder how they are. How is mother is coping. I pray for her ever day.

Its so odd to think that people die every day. Every second of every day someone has died. There are family's out there who have lost. Loved ones, brothers, sisters, friends. Everyone has lost someone or knows of someone who has. The cemeteries are full of someones family, loved ones or friends. Some where someone is grieving just as much as we are. Why can I not seem to shake this depression. Death surrounds everyone. Why do I feel like its only us? Why can't I take someones condolences seriously? Who knows. All I know is that our grieving stage isn't over and we weren't ready to visit John at his resting place. I don't know if we'll ever make it there. But we do think of him...daily.

***We miss you John and we pray you are happy. Things aren't the same without you, but you are constantly on our mind. We love you dearly.***

Memorial day is over. But I will never stop remembering John and his short life. I will not forget the soldiers who lost their lives defending our country. Or all the many lives lost in China...the children, grandfathers, friends. We need to celebrate and remember them everyday. Not just the last Monday in May.

Today, I'm celebrating you.