The Backstory...

As mentioned in my previous post... here's the story of the first week of this pregnancy. It seems like much longer than a few months ago...


The last thirty-six hours have been some of the craziest of my life. Really, I've had some time to think as I've been laid up in bed recovering from emergency surgery, and I still can't seem to wrap my brain around it all...

Tuesday, after not starting my period for what seemed like a while, although I haven't been extremely regular lately, I took my second pregnancy test for the month. It was positive. I was in shock. Especially since I had taken a test 6 days earlier (when I "should have" started my period) and it was very, very negative.

Well... the next few days I spotted. It wasn't anything crazy, and yet I couldn't shake the feeling that maybe something was really wrong. I didn't get too excited about the possible pregnancy, and made an appointment for Friday morning at 8:15 to see the nurse practitioner at my doctor's office for a quick exam and ultrasound.

It didn't turn out to be so quick after all. After what seemed like forever, scanning the ultrasound screen for that familiar picture of a tiny baby... we didn't see one in my uterus. But, as the nurse pointed out, there did appear to be one measuring around six weeks in my right Fallopian tube. Not good.

Then, we waited. My doctor was in surgery, and so we didn't get to see her until around 10:30 I think. I'm not sure. It was such a blur. Carson was with Sean and me at the office that morning, and entertaining him while fighting back tears seemed to pass the time fairly quickly, fortunately.

When Dr. Levin returned from surgery, she met us in the ultrasound room for another scan. This time I couldn't stop crying. I just kept looking at that little dot on the screen that may have been a baby, and I couldn't help mourning the fact that I would never meet it. But, the ultrasound tech said she didn't see a heartbeat, which was reassuring to me. We had to end the pregnancy no matter what seeing as it was in my tube, and as long as the baby was already gone, I felt better about it.

My doctor and the ultrasound tech had a discussion, and then my doctor went over my options... which weren't many. One actually. We had to get the pregnancy out of my tube. Although at this point, my sweet doctor kept going over the dates and asking me questions about when I started my last period, when I got the negative pregnancy test, when I got the positive test, and she said it just didn't add up. According to the scan, the pregnancy was about six weeks along, and it was highly unlikely that I would have ovulated in time to already have a six week pregnancy, and if I was six weeks pregnant, I should have gotten a positive pregnancy test much earlier than I did. She said she would try to preserve my tube, and she would not touch my uterus during the procedure, since she has been around a while and knows that things aren't always what they seem. She explained everything to me, thank God for her, and sent us right over to the OR.

My sister came to pick up Carson, and then Sean and I got prepped for surgery. The last thing I remember before going under was the anesthesiologist hugging my face while I sobbed for the loss of this baby. I don't think I'll ever forget that feeling of desperate loss. And for a life I had only been aware of for 4 days.

I hear I was in surgery for about 45 minutes. When I woke up, I barely remember hearing the nurse telling me that what they removed from my tube was a cyst- not a pregnancy. As far as they knew now- I was still pregnant. I probably then asked her about 100 questions, half of them repeats... and truly it wasn't until my anesthesia completely wore off the next day that I was able to talk to Sean and understand what happened.

According to Sean, who talked to Dr. Levin after she was finished with the surgery and before I woke up, the cyst in my tube was bleeding profusely and that was what was causing the spotting. She was able to keep my tube intact and everything else looked great. She didn't touch my uterus, as she said she wouldn't, and nothing else about the procedure would harm a fetus. From what she could tell, I was about four or five days pregnant- which would explain the late positive pregnancy test as well as not seeing an image of the fetus on ultrasound. I have blood work scheduled tomorrow and Wednesday to see if this pregnancy is progressing.

Well, you know me well enough to know I didn't wait for the blood work to take another pregnancy test. This was all so shocking that I needed to see what would happen. The spotting had stopped, but could this really be true? According to the test I took this morning... we are very much still pregnant. We were trying to conceive, without a doubt, but even we can't figure out when it would have happened. I must have ovulated much later than expected... and we honestly don't understand how it all happened the way it did. Our dates just don't seem to paint a clearer picture for us.

I know that all the prayers offered up by our family and friends are what got us through the last few days. I've never had such a powerful lesson in faith.

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13


Since I wrote this post, I've had blood work and three ultrasounds to measure the baby's growth- and everything is great. I just reread this entry and I feel just as emotional and just as shocked as I did the day I wrote it. We are so, so very blessed.