When I first started writing this post, I titled it "At a Standstill." Because that's where we are, treatment-wise and adoption-wise. Waiting for appointments and paperwork, neither moving forward nor backward.
But, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I didn't like the feeling that word invokes -- "standstill." It sounds stuck, mired in the mud that often accompanies each step on this journey.
And for some reason, I don't feel stuck right now. It's true that we are standing still, but at a standstill? No.
And the more I meditated on that slight difference in vocabulary, the more I was able to see how my perspective is changing. How I am changing, evolving, as this journey unfolds. There is a peace where there once was panic. Right now, weeks seem to matter less, and the overall picture matters more.
--------------------------------------------
Some people might consider it nitpicky, this obsession and focus on words. And yet, words are so powerful. They change thoughts, and feelings, set moods, and destroy relationships. Words are important, and so it's important to me that I choose the right words when writing about infertility, or marriage, or whatever the hell it is I'm writing about.
-------------------------------------------
We are standing still for the moment, catching our breaths, gathering strength for the next battle that is sure to follow. I marvel sometimes that we ARE still standing, that infertility and loss have not completely destroyed us both. It most certainly could have, and in fact almost did. It still could, as this challenge is far from over. But for now, we are still in this together, still hoping for our happy ending, still dreaming of a future that involves children.
How exactly we are going to make that happen is still being talked about, thought about, swirled around in our respective brains and sitting with us, trying to feel out which path feels most right. We are not making any decisions for now.
We are standing still, friends, and for once in my life, I am okay with that.
Because what really matters is that we are, still, standing.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Monday, September 3, 2012
What I Believe In
The emphasis here is on the "I" -- while many assumptions are made about "what atheists believe," the truth of the matter is that the only thing we have in common is a lack of belief in a deity. I could go on for days about what I personally don't believe in, but what would that do except serve to alienate people who do believe? The only way for us to find common ground (and therefore mutually-beneficial solutions to societal problems) is to focus on the values we share. And so here you have it, a list of what I, Jo, believe in:
* I believe in gender equality. I think that the reproductive organs you are born with should have no bearing on the education you receive, the jobs you are qualified for, or the services that are available to you.
* I believe that who you have sex with, and how, (provided it is between consenting adults) is no one's business but your own.
* I believe that, likewise, your body belongs to YOU and only you should govern what happens to it (this encompasses a whole slew of things from tattoos and piercings, to the right to decide when and how many children to have, to the right to die with dignity).
* I believe in families, be they formed by birth, by circumstance, or by choice. I believe in loving adults being allowed to raise children, no matter their sexual preferences or marital status. And it should come as no surprise that I believe that the ability to create a family should not have to be influenced by economic factors -- adoption should be made affordable to all, and ART should be covered by insurance.
* I believe that all humans should have access to healthy foods, clean water, and affordable health care. And yes, I would consider health care as essential as food and water.
* I believe that this is the only life we have. I believe that, whenever possible, we should pursue our dreams now, and rectify our regrets, because we will not have the chance to do so later.
* I believe in honesty, forgiveness, and compassion. I believe that people should be encouraged to be who they are, without shame. I believe that everyone makes mistakes, and that second (third, even fourth) chances are sometimes necessary. And I believe that even if you haven't experienced something for yourself, you are capable of providing a listening ear, a hand to hold, or a warm embrace.
* I believe that everyone is shaped by their life experiences, and that our behaviors and choices reflect that. I believe that (for the most part) I cannot judge you for your decisions, because I may have made the same ones if I were you.**
* I believe in kindness. I believe that a smile, polite words, and small gestures can smooth this bumpy road immensely and make it a little but easier for us all.
* I believe in helping others, and standing up for them. To quote one of my favorite people, Dr. Seuss: " A person is a person, no matter how small," (or whatever their race, religion, gender, economic situation, marital status, favorite pastime, etc.)
In short, my lack of belief in the supernatural in no way means I lack values, or morals, or a sense of humanity. In fact, in many ways, I think it has made me MORE sensitive to the plight of others. Now that I understand that people (myself included) are not being guided or led by an all-knowing outside force, I can see how much of a person's circumstances is due to pure luck, or of birth, or of geography. There is value in all cultures, all people, and no one outside of the human race is going to step in and magically make things better.
If we want a better world, a better future, we are going to have to stand up and create it ourselves.
** Necessary exclusions being of course murder and rape, etc. I doubt that I would make those choices even in the most dire circumstances.
* I believe in gender equality. I think that the reproductive organs you are born with should have no bearing on the education you receive, the jobs you are qualified for, or the services that are available to you.
* I believe that who you have sex with, and how, (provided it is between consenting adults) is no one's business but your own.
* I believe that, likewise, your body belongs to YOU and only you should govern what happens to it (this encompasses a whole slew of things from tattoos and piercings, to the right to decide when and how many children to have, to the right to die with dignity).
* I believe in families, be they formed by birth, by circumstance, or by choice. I believe in loving adults being allowed to raise children, no matter their sexual preferences or marital status. And it should come as no surprise that I believe that the ability to create a family should not have to be influenced by economic factors -- adoption should be made affordable to all, and ART should be covered by insurance.
* I believe that all humans should have access to healthy foods, clean water, and affordable health care. And yes, I would consider health care as essential as food and water.
* I believe that this is the only life we have. I believe that, whenever possible, we should pursue our dreams now, and rectify our regrets, because we will not have the chance to do so later.
* I believe in honesty, forgiveness, and compassion. I believe that people should be encouraged to be who they are, without shame. I believe that everyone makes mistakes, and that second (third, even fourth) chances are sometimes necessary. And I believe that even if you haven't experienced something for yourself, you are capable of providing a listening ear, a hand to hold, or a warm embrace.
* I believe that everyone is shaped by their life experiences, and that our behaviors and choices reflect that. I believe that (for the most part) I cannot judge you for your decisions, because I may have made the same ones if I were you.**
* I believe in kindness. I believe that a smile, polite words, and small gestures can smooth this bumpy road immensely and make it a little but easier for us all.
* I believe in helping others, and standing up for them. To quote one of my favorite people, Dr. Seuss: " A person is a person, no matter how small," (or whatever their race, religion, gender, economic situation, marital status, favorite pastime, etc.)
In short, my lack of belief in the supernatural in no way means I lack values, or morals, or a sense of humanity. In fact, in many ways, I think it has made me MORE sensitive to the plight of others. Now that I understand that people (myself included) are not being guided or led by an all-knowing outside force, I can see how much of a person's circumstances is due to pure luck, or of birth, or of geography. There is value in all cultures, all people, and no one outside of the human race is going to step in and magically make things better.
If we want a better world, a better future, we are going to have to stand up and create it ourselves.
** Necessary exclusions being of course murder and rape, etc. I doubt that I would make those choices even in the most dire circumstances.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
