.....despite all one's best attempts life just feels overwhelming and today is one of those 'sometimes'.
I know there are people worse off than me, much worse off but everywhere I turn today just seems to present a different problem to worry about and like most of my concerns right now, no matter how hard I try I just can't find a viable way around them or out of them.
Mostly I potter along and try my best to have my glass half full but today, for reasons that escape me it is very definitely half empty.
Dammit.
Tuesday, 31 August 2010
Wednesday, 25 August 2010
No sex please we're British!
Well then, true to form of late, my efforts at blogging have been severely lacking, it's not that I don't want to, I just don't seem to have the time or in many cases anything I can blog about. So much of my life right now revolves around issues that involve other peoples privacy that there is little left I am free to 'put out there'.
However, there are still a few things I am free to divulge and today's post concerns one of them.
Ok, laugh if you wish but this issue really isn't too funny from my perspective, I can though see why it might cause amusement, particularly given my age!
The relationship with 'N' is still going well, the guy is a star, a lovely man and someone who I am getting way more than fond of...and he, thankfully of me, but as ever in my life even the things that should be straightforward just damn well aren't.
I will have to choose my words carefully from this point on to avoid offense (like any of you would be offended!) but I give you a small warning that the content of this is a little 'adult'.
We have something of an annoying issue going on right now.
There are those I am sure who would still advocate 'courting' in the 'traditional' manner but then there are still also some perhaps who think that the world is flat, me, I think the world is round and I also think that within reasonable bounds of propriety sex is all just part and parcel of any caring relationship, I can't get too hung up about the whole business, it's a natural function, simples.
Not simples! Very not simples!
'N' like myself also lives with his elderly mother and cares for her (really two of us, you couldn't make it up!) He is more tied than I and this presents us with something of a frustrating problem....you can see where this is going can't you!?
Elderly parents, understandably perhaps, think that despite telling us this is our home, only the common areas are allowed for boyfriends/girlfriends to 'inhabit' and to be honest out of respect that wouldn't be an option. Next, either for financial reasons or because our services are required for caring neither of us can be away from home for too long or move out and so now two sets of parents require consideration and organisation instead of one.... result? Opportunities to spend time, er, alone aren't easy!
So... it seems for now we are mostly resigned to chaste kisses and holding hands, how sweet! Not! Ugh! I feel like a damn teenager again, with all the same restrictions and whilst I know it has it's amusing side, believe me, it isn't too amusing in reality....it's bloody frustrating and in my opinion none too healthy emotionally, but we just have no choice!
Please, don't anyone mention cars, I might feel like a teenager but I'm not and don't suggest the old chestnut 'get a room', rooms cost money, we don't have much and anyways to leave both parents that long is not an easy task to accomplish!
One day something will be simple....who am I kidding!
However, there are still a few things I am free to divulge and today's post concerns one of them.
Ok, laugh if you wish but this issue really isn't too funny from my perspective, I can though see why it might cause amusement, particularly given my age!
The relationship with 'N' is still going well, the guy is a star, a lovely man and someone who I am getting way more than fond of...and he, thankfully of me, but as ever in my life even the things that should be straightforward just damn well aren't.
I will have to choose my words carefully from this point on to avoid offense (like any of you would be offended!) but I give you a small warning that the content of this is a little 'adult'.
We have something of an annoying issue going on right now.
There are those I am sure who would still advocate 'courting' in the 'traditional' manner but then there are still also some perhaps who think that the world is flat, me, I think the world is round and I also think that within reasonable bounds of propriety sex is all just part and parcel of any caring relationship, I can't get too hung up about the whole business, it's a natural function, simples.
Not simples! Very not simples!
'N' like myself also lives with his elderly mother and cares for her (really two of us, you couldn't make it up!) He is more tied than I and this presents us with something of a frustrating problem....you can see where this is going can't you!?
Elderly parents, understandably perhaps, think that despite telling us this is our home, only the common areas are allowed for boyfriends/girlfriends to 'inhabit' and to be honest out of respect that wouldn't be an option. Next, either for financial reasons or because our services are required for caring neither of us can be away from home for too long or move out and so now two sets of parents require consideration and organisation instead of one.... result? Opportunities to spend time, er, alone aren't easy!
So... it seems for now we are mostly resigned to chaste kisses and holding hands, how sweet! Not! Ugh! I feel like a damn teenager again, with all the same restrictions and whilst I know it has it's amusing side, believe me, it isn't too amusing in reality....it's bloody frustrating and in my opinion none too healthy emotionally, but we just have no choice!
Please, don't anyone mention cars, I might feel like a teenager but I'm not and don't suggest the old chestnut 'get a room', rooms cost money, we don't have much and anyways to leave both parents that long is not an easy task to accomplish!
One day something will be simple....who am I kidding!
Thursday, 19 August 2010
The lastest - Simon's 'Cat in a box'
I adore these videos, they are just so 'cat'...I think most of them, if not all, are posted here as they have been released, this is the latest offering, enjoy!
Monday, 16 August 2010
The ultimate 'awwww' factor
Blatantly stolen from my good friend JW at Welcome to my world...sorry bud but it's just too irresistible!
Cute or what?
Cute or what?
Friday, 13 August 2010
Legless cat starts new life?
I'm not entirely sure about this - for all the obvious reasons - she seems happy and appears not to be in any pain but I'm still just not sure, hence the question mark in the post title......
Thursday, 12 August 2010
Progress perhaps!
Well then, perhaps, just maybe, possibly, things are beginning to move very slowly in the right direction at last!
It feels like it has been a lifetime in the coming and experience has taught me that anything could change in an instant but right now, right this moment in time, one or two aspects of my life are looking ever so slightly, up.
Firstly there's 'N', the new man in my life, it has it's complications, some of which you just couldn't make up (I'll save the details for another post) but it's good and it's getting gooder. That of course scares the life out of me in itself, for me, with good comes the fear of loss but I am trying really hard not to allow myself to fall into that trap again and to enjoy the here and now...famous last words, don't nag please, I know, self fulfilling prophecies and all that but I'm doing my best.
Secondly there is my job, which in the short term at least seems a tiny little bit more secure. I have worked damn hard to get it to where it is in the three months I have been in the position but if it keeps me employed then it's worth it. It would be nice to feel it was more secure but maybe in this day and age very few people have real job security and after all the time I spent unemployed I am just grateful to have a job at all.
Lastly there is the crap car, tomorrow (I know, Friday the thirteenth but dammit the new me is not going to worry about that....too much) it goes into a garage to have many of the multitude of now very significant and long standing problems it has, fixed. Suspension, drive shaft/CV joint yada yada yada. The bill could be horrific, possibly more than the car is worth but as a discharged bankrupt I don't have a hope in hell of buying a new one so this one is worth way more to me than it's monetary value.
...and you know the best bit? I have saved the money to pay for it myself, all of it, every last penny!
It may seem a small achievement to many but to me, after the last few years of relying on the state or friends and family, you have no idea just how good it feels! If it wipes me out again it will be worth it just for the feeling that knowing I have worked, saved and paid for it myself gives me! :)
I still have many a mountain to climb to get my life anything like where I would like it to be and the rebuilding process continues... but maybe, tentatively, things are beginning to progress in an upward direction just a little.
It feels like it has been a lifetime in the coming and experience has taught me that anything could change in an instant but right now, right this moment in time, one or two aspects of my life are looking ever so slightly, up.
Firstly there's 'N', the new man in my life, it has it's complications, some of which you just couldn't make up (I'll save the details for another post) but it's good and it's getting gooder. That of course scares the life out of me in itself, for me, with good comes the fear of loss but I am trying really hard not to allow myself to fall into that trap again and to enjoy the here and now...famous last words, don't nag please, I know, self fulfilling prophecies and all that but I'm doing my best.
Secondly there is my job, which in the short term at least seems a tiny little bit more secure. I have worked damn hard to get it to where it is in the three months I have been in the position but if it keeps me employed then it's worth it. It would be nice to feel it was more secure but maybe in this day and age very few people have real job security and after all the time I spent unemployed I am just grateful to have a job at all.
Lastly there is the crap car, tomorrow (I know, Friday the thirteenth but dammit the new me is not going to worry about that....too much) it goes into a garage to have many of the multitude of now very significant and long standing problems it has, fixed. Suspension, drive shaft/CV joint yada yada yada. The bill could be horrific, possibly more than the car is worth but as a discharged bankrupt I don't have a hope in hell of buying a new one so this one is worth way more to me than it's monetary value.
...and you know the best bit? I have saved the money to pay for it myself, all of it, every last penny!
It may seem a small achievement to many but to me, after the last few years of relying on the state or friends and family, you have no idea just how good it feels! If it wipes me out again it will be worth it just for the feeling that knowing I have worked, saved and paid for it myself gives me! :)
I still have many a mountain to climb to get my life anything like where I would like it to be and the rebuilding process continues... but maybe, tentatively, things are beginning to progress in an upward direction just a little.
Wednesday, 11 August 2010
Thursday, 5 August 2010
Trapped!
Monday morning (I know, I'm a bit late blogging this) I walked into work at stupidly early o'clock, bleary eyed and still struggling to get back to reality from a good weekend....to be greeted by a round of applause!
For a moment I was utterly confused, I had absolutely no idea what was going on but all soon became horribly too apparent.
We have a notice board on the wall which is used to communicate important messages and when they could manage between sniggering and smart remarks my colleagues directed me to take a look...and this is what I saw (for those who don't know, my real name is Jane):
Dammit! Dammit! Dammit! Bloody marvellous!
I - do - not - need - this - right - now, I really really don't!
I have no defence in law of course, I can only assume I waswas speeding but annoyingly it was a day my boss had come out with me to attempt to sort out the logistics of my delivery round and fit in a few more drops. I was stressed, under pressure to meet an almost impossible schedule and just moments before he had told me I had three minutes left to make it to my next call.......6 miles away!
My job depends on my being able to make enough calls and take enough money.....it might not be right but it's how it is and to be fair, the more delivery drivers I talk to as I go about my days, the more it seems it's not just my employer, this issue affects all delivery drivers and many of the big multi-drop drivers only do it for a few years before they give up, citing the pressure/traffic/time issues as a reason.
Subsequent to my Monday morning discovery I have been taking much extra care to stick to speed limits but as a result I have been late to many of my calls and ultimately, if I don't take the money I don't have a job, that's the harsh reality and no amount of my knowing it's unfair is going to change that. Businesses run on profit, no profit no business and I do have some sympathy with my boss, it's tough out there right now, really tough and if he goes under so do the rest of us, catch 22!
It's the old thing about 'any job is better than no job', so in the end we do what we have to do I suppose.
However, I see little point trying to tell that to the magistrate so I will pay up and look happy and await the loading on my insurance, which I can barely afford as it stands, let alone at an increased rate.
Sometimes I feel like every time I take a step forward something happens to take me back two!
I feel the need to go find a speed trap app. for my phone/sat nav.
For a moment I was utterly confused, I had absolutely no idea what was going on but all soon became horribly too apparent.
We have a notice board on the wall which is used to communicate important messages and when they could manage between sniggering and smart remarks my colleagues directed me to take a look...and this is what I saw (for those who don't know, my real name is Jane):
Dammit! Dammit! Dammit! Bloody marvellous!
I - do - not - need - this - right - now, I really really don't!
I have no defence in law of course, I can only assume I waswas speeding but annoyingly it was a day my boss had come out with me to attempt to sort out the logistics of my delivery round and fit in a few more drops. I was stressed, under pressure to meet an almost impossible schedule and just moments before he had told me I had three minutes left to make it to my next call.......6 miles away!
My job depends on my being able to make enough calls and take enough money.....it might not be right but it's how it is and to be fair, the more delivery drivers I talk to as I go about my days, the more it seems it's not just my employer, this issue affects all delivery drivers and many of the big multi-drop drivers only do it for a few years before they give up, citing the pressure/traffic/time issues as a reason.
Subsequent to my Monday morning discovery I have been taking much extra care to stick to speed limits but as a result I have been late to many of my calls and ultimately, if I don't take the money I don't have a job, that's the harsh reality and no amount of my knowing it's unfair is going to change that. Businesses run on profit, no profit no business and I do have some sympathy with my boss, it's tough out there right now, really tough and if he goes under so do the rest of us, catch 22!
It's the old thing about 'any job is better than no job', so in the end we do what we have to do I suppose.
However, I see little point trying to tell that to the magistrate so I will pay up and look happy and await the loading on my insurance, which I can barely afford as it stands, let alone at an increased rate.
Sometimes I feel like every time I take a step forward something happens to take me back two!
I feel the need to go find a speed trap app. for my phone/sat nav.
Tuesday, 3 August 2010
Happiness is....
The growing cynic in me that bubbles beneath the surface of late can't help but like this! ;)
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